Long-distance relationships involve moving to the woman's city. How can you make friends of the same sex?

Friendships are born from the intertwining of inner emotions. If you treat others with the same heart, you'll get the same in return. There are many things in life that seem accidental, but they're really not. There are no accidents in life, only repeated fates.

If you want to make genuine connections, you have to be genuine in your interactions. When you decide that someone is worth your time, they're likely to see you the same way.

In today's world, with its focus on material things and the fast pace of the internet, when faced with the complexity of interpersonal information, people are likely to respond politely and then simply move on. If you want to make friends and find friendship, you have to go out and interact, join the same groups, find people who think like you, and pursue harmony in diversity.

The sales profession is really convenient because you meet so many different people, which makes it easy to expand your own circle. In fact, the friends you're talking about and the friends you're pursuing are unlikely to be found among your colleagues.

The friends you want to find to hang out and have fun with actually come more from life, from the group of people who intersect with you, but are not colleagues. After all, once you leave the company, you'll have less and less contact with your colleagues.

Your lover could be an important source of friendship for you. Since you've chosen to come to her city, you should try to integrate into her circle and get to know her friends and their friends. You'll probably find the friends you want among the people you meet.

There are lots of ways to find friends, and there are different types of friends too. As long as you're open-hearted and treat people well, you'll always find the friends you want. It's not easy, but it's worth it.

Hello! I think your difficulty making friends with people of the same sex is related to your father, based on your description. You mentioned that you don't get along with your father, so you don't interact with him as much as you should. This means there's an opportunity for you to learn some things from your mother that you should have learned from your father.

I hope the questioner can recall whether they were severely criticized, yelled at, beaten, or made to feel ashamed of themselves by people of the same sex during their growth process. These things may have caused you to withdraw and be afraid to face them frankly, but you can overcome this!

I think the fact that the questioner has gone to Chengdu for development has made you feel a little uneasy. But it's also an exciting new chapter! Moving from a familiar place to a different place will make you feel a little lonely. Although you have a wife you love very much, you will still feel a sense of loss.

This is not your problem. You are insecure at heart, but you can change that! The questioner mentioned that before going to Chengdu, they had playmates from school, which shows that they had a good relationship with them. The male-female ratio was not balanced, with slightly more female friends, but that can change!

It's clear that the questioner is eager to make male friends because they have an exciting new identity as a husband! This new role gives them a unique opportunity to explore new friendships. While it can be challenging to make female friends because of the role of husband, it's also an opportunity to learn and grow. Spending less time with your father when you were young means you have a chance to develop new skills in getting along with men. It's an exciting time of change and growth!

After arriving in Chengdu, things are totally different! You have your parents where you grew up, your old school friends, and your work colleagues.

After arriving in Chengdu, you have the incredible opportunity to focus on your wife.

You may not have told your wife about your condition. You may be a bit of a male chauvinist at heart, and you are afraid that she will laugh at you if she finds out. It is also possible that your wife has been neglecting you since you got here, and the communication between you is not like it used to be. But don't worry! You can get help from the outside, and it'll be fun! You can have fun together and go crazy together.

"In this way, you can relieve your anxiety and have fun together!"

The questioner said that he has knowledge of psychology, which shows that you have great self-awareness. You only think of saving yourself and neglect the most important person around you, which is your wife. But you can completely tell your wife about your state! For example, you could say, "Honey, I've been feeling a bit irritable lately and my mood is not very good. I've noticed that since I came to Chengdu, I sometimes feel very lonely. I know that you are there and you love me very much, but I still feel lonely and don't have any friends to talk to. I suddenly realized that it's a bit difficult to get along with the people around me. Honey, can you hug me?"

I truly believe that when your wife hears you say something like this, she will be full of heartache and will be by your side. She will encourage you and work with you to figure out how to deal with this, and I know you two will get through it together!

While you are saving yourself, you should also ask for help from others. I want to give you a big pat on the back for asking for help from your fellow members of the psychological support group. It's fantastic that you didn't keep it to yourself. You're still there for yourself, and that's great!

You said that you are in the foreign trade sales industry, and that you may have encountered more men than women in your career development path. However, the impression that the other person left you was not a good one, or you just hated it. Spending a lot of time together made you physically and mentally exhausted, but the gentleness and consideration of your female friends made you feel warm.

From then on, you will find it even more challenging to get along with same-sex people and become friends. But don't worry! The author's side business is related to psychological counseling and career counseling, and here I see the author's excellence.

If you have time, you should definitely participate in some salon activities under these work lines! There will be people with the same interests as you in these activities. Be more proactive and don't be scared by other people's first impressions. You'll only know the real person after getting along with them for a while. First impressions can be deceptive, but the real character will only be revealed after spending a lot of time together!

It's only by taking the initiative that you'll make your own story!

If you're still feeling a bit unsure, why not start with an elder of the same sex? When you meet uncles or older men walking their dogs in the neighborhood, be sure to greet them with a smile! After meeting more often, you can change the initial small talk to a deeper exchange and ask what the other person likes to do.

If you are interested, you should definitely apply to join! In the long run, you can invite the other person to do all kinds of fun things together, like go fishing, play chess, or go jogging.

It's so important to maintain relationships, no matter what kind of emotion it is! Usual greetings and chatting when you meet are a great way to stay connected. The questioner can start with the people around them or things that interest them. You can invite the other person more often, and you can drink, brag, play games or play ball together!

Think about your childhood friends! How did you become friends? You've always had the ability to make friends of the same sex, so go for it!

It feels like you're having some difficulties in Chengdu right now because your mother's side of the family is too strong. But don't worry! You can easily relearn the power of your father's side of the family. Think about how you made friends as a child.

Starting over again, your current friends may not be as innocent as they were as children, but don't be afraid that not everyone comes with an agenda. The great news is that you can choose to treat each other sincerely, and you will meet true friends with similar interests!

I'm sure the questioner can solve this problem quickly! All they have to do is take the initiative and they'll be on their way.

I'm Li Y Li, and I love you all so much!

Hello question asker,

I envy you for being able to settle in Chengdu. It's a cozy, warm, and comfortable city. The questioner is a very professional psychologist because they care about developing relationships and social support.

I'd like to share some thoughts on the question.

[It's different now.]

The questioner wants a simple friendship. A same-sex friend who is always there seems to be the kind of friendship that only exists between childhood friends who grew up together and are single. People's inner world was simple, their social relationships were simple, and their scope of activities was simple. Now that you have a family and a career, can you really be there for your friends whenever they call?

I'm afraid there are still many constraints. This image is too complex to use as a reference standard when making friends. Otherwise, such unrealistic expectations will lead to disappointment. The questioner still longs to meet a soul mate with whom they share the same values and have a common language.

[Three Friends Who Benefit]

Our ancestors gave us three criteria for friends: friends who benefit you, friends who are straightforward and forgiving, and friends who are knowledgeable. The questioner can choose friends according to these three criteria, and there is no need to think about gender. Here are a few things to think about when choosing friends:

1. People from your hometown

Homesickness is the first problem you will face when you are in a foreign land. Look for hometown associations and chambers of commerce in Chengdu, and go to hometown gatherings. You will always be able to experience nostalgia and find comfort.

2. Like attracts like.

The questioner's love of psychology shows they have a warm heart. Not participating in local volunteer organizations is especially true in Sichuan, which has experienced earthquakes and epidemics in recent years. There are many psychological hotlines. You can also join the ranks of volunteers and meet like-minded people.

3. Get to know your wife's family.

I don't know if the OP's wife has other family. Family will be important in the future. Couples argue. Look for allies and reserves to avoid a one-sided situation. Go out often during holidays and help if you can. If the OP has a background in psychology, he will be good at building relationships.

4. A neighbor is better than a relative.

The questioner should join community activities. This pandemic has shown that even distant relatives can be a good support. Is there a sports ground in the community where you live? Boys can also meet people with common interests through sports. Pets are also a good way to make friends.

Studying psychology involves reading. The questioner can join a local book club. Offline gatherings and activities will resume once the pandemic is over.

If the original poster doesn't want to get pregnant, there will be new mothers in the community. It's a good way to socialize.

Oedipus complex

The questioner is studying psychology, so they should know this term. Could the questioner's family and confusion with the opposite sex be a manifestation of the Oedipus complex? The questioner might want to explore this more. If this Oedipus complex is not resolved, it will affect the questioner's current family.

Personality development and sublimation depend on relationships. They help us find ourselves again and identify internal issues.

In real life, even if such a relationship exists, without professional help, it will be painful. A good counselor is the best support for change.

The questioner should enter the counseling room as soon as possible and work on their own growth and the happiness of the family.

I'm Zhang Huili, a Sunny Dolphin. I hope my answer helps. If you like it, please like it.

Hello!

It takes courage to move to a new city. I admire the questioner for being brave.

It's hard to step out of your comfort zone. It's even harder to rebuild your social circle in a new city. You can feel powerless. You need to adapt to new environments and integrate into a different culture. How do you make new friends and find support? You can't control everything. You just need to go with the flow.

1. Create a social environment.

It's hard to find someone you click with, no matter how much time passes. But thanks to modern technology, you can now make friends online. You can search for people your age or with similar interests. You can become good friends and meet in person if you want.

2. Get to know each other through introductions.

The questioner went to his wife's location for love. As a local, his wife knows the area well and has a good social circle. The questioner can ask his wife to introduce him to nice people to make friends with. At first, he may feel awkward, but he should trust his instincts. The most important thing between friends is "comfort." If being with new friends first brings him a sense of comfort, the questioner can try to develop the friendship. With a sense of mutual tolerance and understanding, it is not impossible to become a confidant.

3. Join a group with similar interests and make new friends.

People with a wide range of interests and hobbies can make new friends through various channels. They are open and welcome different people to join them, chat about different lives together, and gradually become friends.

For example, people who like to drive may join a car enthusiast group. They will make plans to go on a trip together because they share a common interest in cars. Sometimes they make plans to compete, and if they are in a good mood, they will go out for a meal after. Some people will choose to learn new skills during their breaks, like making coffee.

People today have busy lives, so they often use the internet to communicate. This can make it difficult to get to know someone in depth. But there are other ways to develop friendships online. You can talk about games, calligraphy, or writing. Don't limit yourself. The internet has changed how we socialize. You can reach people in different places or with different interests. It's a great way to make connections. Hobbies are a good way to connect with others. If you don't have a hobby, try to start one.

Hobbies help people get to know each other. If you don't have any hobbies, try to find some.

4. Be open-minded and friendly at work.

Colleagues often have conflicting interests, making it difficult to maintain friendships at work.

Some people are naturally charming and attract friends with similar ideas. In the workplace, don't force friendships. Keep an open mind and you'll win favor. Observe and understand if their values align with yours. Recognize them and try to express your friendship. Work hard to win them over because everyone's views on others are still subjective.

In the workplace, there aren't many people, and they may also be lonely. The questioner's initiative to get close to them will make them feel pleasantly surprised. As everyone gets to know each other, they will help each other out when they are in trouble, which will create a positive cycle. You come, I go, and before you know it, you become friends.

The original poster mentioned his childhood experience and believes that his father may be the cause of his difficulty getting along with same-sex friends. Fathers can affect their children's ability to make friends. If they don't give their children a sense of security and feedback, the children will have a feeling of wanting to get close to the same sex but being afraid to do so. A good relationship with their mother may help them not to feel distrustful when making friends with women.

Knowing this, the questioner can start to believe he is excellent and loved. Don't be trapped by the past. A father must love his children, but his way of doing so makes them feel unaccepted. The present is a brand new environment. The questioner must tell himself he can be confident, open-hearted, tolerant, and accept others. Men's thinking is more direct and rational when getting along with others, especially among people of the same sex. They can more quickly perceive the other person's friendliness and will respond with friendliness.

Good luck!