Marital life is always full of heartbreaks, and my husband is always busy with work.

From what you've shared, I can sense the sadness and despair you're experiencing in your marriage. It's clear you've been through a lot.

It seems that you are facing some challenges in your marriage. I can sense your pain and confusion. Would you like me to give you a hug?

You have indicated that you would prefer not to hear any justification for your husband's behavior. Perhaps we could focus on you for the time being.

Perhaps it would be helpful to take a moment to recap.

At first, you mentioned that your marriage had been going on for 3-4 years. You also shared that you felt that you had more sadness than happiness, more arguments than peace, more crying than laughter, countless painful struggles, breakdowns and despair, and extreme mood swings. I sense that you have used a great deal of strength to maintain your marriage. It seems that after the crying and arguing, there were still calm and happy days. These seem to be the biggest motivation for you to stay in this marriage and continue.

It appears that the momentum may be waning, and you may be uncertain about the best course of action.

I imagine that, especially during the current virus outbreak, your husband and you have experienced very different situations after being infected. First, you were devoted to your family and did everything you could without complaining. But when you were infected, your husband used work (not work) as an excuse to avoid, not do anything, and be indifferent. I can understand how you might feel helpless and exhausted in such circumstances.

It appears that you may not be communicating verbally, but rather seem to be using this coping mechanism: he pretends to be busy with his own things, ignores you, and you seem to be crying more in private. This silence is quite depressing.

I wonder if I might ask when you started using this coping mechanism? I don't think it's the case that you used this mechanism at the beginning of your marriage, because you also have fond memories of times of peace, joy and laughter!

Could you please tell me when things started to change?

It seems that you have everything in the family under control, you have a job, and your daughter is attached to you and close to you. It may be the case that the husband and father role is absent in this family, at least to some extent.

It seems that when you need your husband, he tends to avoid the situation, using work as an excuse. It's as if he's afraid to face you and take responsibility. I sense that he's afraid of not doing a good job and making you unhappy, which might lead to a nervous breakdown.

It's possible that he's more afraid of being criticized if he doesn't do something well.

I believe that the key to resolving your confusion and finding a way out of your marriage may lie in gaining a clear understanding of yourself and accepting your current situation.

I also saw you say that your husband is considerate and caring towards parents, relatives, and family members. Perhaps he has treated other people this way before. If so, I would like to ask you to recall what his state of mind was like at that time.

Could you please share what your state of mind is like when you are with your partner? I also believe that you were in a good state at the beginning. Could you please tell me when things started to change?

Spending time together as a couple requires mutual trust and support, as well as good communication. It's important to remember that you are two different individuals with different needs and perspectives. As the saying goes, "I'm not a mind reader, so if you don't tell me, how can I know what you're thinking or feeling?"

I believe you will find the answer you are looking for. It is evident that you want your marriage to succeed. I hope that you will soon be able to resolve your confusion and find happiness!

Dear question asker, I extend my support and encouragement to you through a gesture of physical affection.

Given that you are currently experiencing a period of illness, you are particularly vulnerable and in particular require the care and comfort of your family. Unfortunately, your husband is preoccupied with his work and is therefore unable to provide you with the support you need. This has led you to feel helpless and even to question the stability of your marriage.

Given the inherent volatility of human emotion, it is imperative to acknowledge and confront these feelings when they arise, particularly during this period.

It would be reasonable to posit that, in addition to his professional commitments, your husband does not exhibit any problematic behaviors. Therefore, it is unlikely that your marriage is as dire as you perceive it to be.

The original poster is encouraged to engage in introspective reflection.

However, the subject experiences distress. What is the recommended course of action? The following suggestions are offered for consideration:

First, it is essential to establish effective communication with one's spouse. It is important to recognize that men and women often perceive and process information differently. They may perceive your concerns as inconsequential or dismiss them as part of a natural process that will eventually subside. Consequently, it is crucial to communicate your needs and feelings to your husband. It is possible that he may be unaware of your confusion or the specific ways in which you require care and support.

Furthermore, they may inquire as to why the information was not disclosed at an earlier juncture.

2. Furthermore, life can be perceived as mundane, akin to the humble ingredients of firewood, rice, oil, salt, soy sauce, vinegar, and tea. However, it is imperative to seek fulfillment within this existence. For instance, one might consider the case of a devoted mother with a supportive spouse and children who exude liveliness and endearing qualities, a situation that might elicit envy from others.

3. You indicated that when your child's father was infected with the virus, you assumed responsibility for all domestic tasks, including cooking, housework, laundry, and ironing, as well as disinfecting rooms, cleaning the house, caring for the children, and balancing work responsibilities for over 20 days. These actions were undertaken at your own discretion, and it is possible that this is the typical division of labor within your family structure.

Given your current state of illness, you may feel as though you have contributed more than your husband. However, it is possible that he is unaware of the issues you have identified.

Given that men and women have different cognitive structures, misjudgments and communication gaps are to be expected. It is therefore advisable to think more rationally and to communicate one's thoughts with one's partner when appropriate. It is unproductive to sulk alone. The world is not inherently problematic, and those who perceive it as such are the ones who create their own difficulties.

It is my contention that if one is in good health, these issues will not be a cause for concern. The individual in question has their own responsibilities, their own family, and their own life, which is a positive situation. These matters will soon dissipate. Best regards,

Hello, host! I'm Ju Ning, a listening coach.

Figure out what you need to do to resolve your issues.

1. You feel like there's a lot that's unsatisfactory in your three-to-four-year marriage, and that there's more pain than happiness.

2. When your husband was sick, you did a lot on your own—you worked, took care of the kids, and ran the household. It was really tough. And when you got sick, your husband didn't come to take care of you or the kids, saying he was busy. You still had to take care of the kids while you were sick, and you could only order takeout. You feel like your husband doesn't love you.

3. The issue is how you should handle a marriage like this.

First, I want to give you a hug and let you cry if you need to. I want to hear all the problems you've had over the years. You've been through a lot!

A marriage is a partnership between two people who love each other, are willing to make sacrifices for each other, and want to support each other. Both parties have to be willing to give and to appreciate the other's sacrifices, and the relationship should be a two-way street.

In a marriage, it may seem like you're the one doing most of the work. You're running the household, taking care of the kids, and working to earn money. Meanwhile, your husband is hiding at work, not helping out, and not showing any interest in you. If one spouse is doing most of the work while the other doesn't contribute, it can lead to conflicts and a growing gap in the relationship.

This is a pretty common situation.

I don't know how you met and fell in love, but I think there should still be some emotional foundation for entering into marriage. But why did it come to this after marriage? We say that in any relationship, both parties are responsible for maintaining it. When problems arise, it is definitely not the sole responsibility of one party, but both parties share equal responsibility. The question for you is: why did you allow him to treat you this way?

It's sad and disappointing to face the status quo. It's cold and lacking in warmth and care. It's not that he doesn't care, it's that he doesn't want to care. It really hurts.

I'm not sure what your plan is. Do you want to continue working with him? Or do you want to leave?

What if you can't leave for the time being because of your kids or other reasons? Or if you still have hopes for the relationship, what can we do?

I'm not sure if you've spoken to him before. Have you told him how you feel and what you think?

Have you told him what you want him to do?

If you've told him before, how did he respond?

It looks like he's using work as an excuse to avoid his responsibilities. You've also noticed that he's not really busy with work most of the time, but just seems that way. In fact, he's avoiding things. Why is he doing this? At least it shows that his approach has been effective for some time, which is why he continues to do it.

The current situation is the result of the way you've interacted with each other in the past. To make a change, you have to break the current pattern, but who will do it? How?

In relationships, it's usually the person who's suffering who wants to change. We can't expect to change others; we can only change ourselves! I don't know if you can accept that.

First, you need to learn to respect your own feelings, learn to love yourself, and take care of yourself. This includes not just tolerating and withdrawing when you feel angry, but also speaking up about your feelings. Even if you argue, it is a way for him to feel your emotions. Or you can talk about it with your best friend or a friend. In short, you can't keep it all bottled up inside.

Second, there are a lot of deeper psychological reasons behind your problem. It's hard to get out of your previous way of thinking on your own. It's a good idea to talk to a psychological counselor. A professional can help you explore your innermost thoughts and subconscious. Only by understanding your heart's desire can you truly solve the problem. Otherwise, even if you leave this marriage, you'll repeat your previous patterns when dealing with intimate relationships.

I'm not sure if this analysis will help, but I hope you know that there are more people in the world who love you than you realize, and you are stronger than you think! Face life bravely, you deserve a happy life!

Yi Xinli, I just wanted to say that you have my love and support.

Hello, questioner.

From your question, I can see that you're feeling a certain way.

This is likely a common situation in most families. You care for your husband and children, but don't receive the love and affection you deserve from him. This is mainly because you are too indulgent with your husband. While it is said that both parties enter marriage together and that women must make sacrifices for the family, marriage is also a process. How we treat others determines how they treat us in return. Just as you blindly give without knowing how to ask for a return, your husband will not reciprocate in such an environment, which is also a normal situation.

Here's the solution:

[1] Learn to express your feelings and needs.

I don't know if you have expressed your feelings and needs when you have taken care of someone during your life. Maybe you haven't. You hope that he will take the initiative, but he can't because your husband is also selfish, so your efforts are in vain.

You need to learn to express your feelings and needs. For example, you could say, "Honey, I'm tired now. I need you to take care of me for a while. Is that okay?"

[2] Learn to express your emotions and feelings.

This is different from the previous one. When the other person doesn't do what we expect, we can and should express our emotions and feelings, whether they are negative or positive. Either way, it will cause the other person to react internally. When a certain emotion stimulates their heart, then it is possible to make changes.

[3] Respect your own boundaries and don't try to please the other person.

You have clearly invested a great deal of effort into this family. However, it is important to understand that the running of any family requires the joint efforts of both people. Everyone's contribution to the family is invaluable, but just because you are willing to please the other person in this way does not mean that you will get a return. It is essential to have our own boundaries and to distinguish between the boundaries of the two people, even in close relationships.

[4] If you need it, you can seek professional counseling.

If you cannot adjust your state of mind or have other needs and thoughts, seek out a counselor. Through the counselor, you can better see your own needs and problems. Then, we can make timely adjustments and solutions in terms of relationships. People influence each other in a process. If you change the way you treat him, he will also change the way he treats you.

Finally, we can and should try to see the problem, solve it, find ways to adjust the current situation, strengthen our inner strength, and treat everyone equally. We don't have to always understand each other in order to please each other. Respect your own mood and feelings and live for yourself.

I am confident that the above opinions will be helpful to you.

Good day, my name is Strawberry.

Given the circumstances, it is evident that the marriage in question has endured for a relatively brief period of time, particularly when viewed in the context of a lifetime. During the course of this marriage, the questioner has experienced a greater number of disagreements and conflicts with her husband than periods of peace and harmony. Additionally, the marriage has been marked by a greater prevalence of emotional distress, including feelings of despair and desperation, than of joy and laughter. The questioner's emotional state is one of devastation and desperation, yet she finds herself in a situation where the option of leaving the marriage is not viable.

A comparison of the two individuals' responses to illness reveals a striking contrast in their attitudes. My husband's behavior towards me is notably indifferent and uncompassionate. However, he displays a different demeanor towards others, particularly towards his parents, family, and relatives.

Willingness does not equate to taking for granted.

The question asker is dedicated to her family and is willing to work hard for them, even taking on all the housework so that her husband can focus on earning money without worry. However, at some point, communication broke down and the relationship became more indifferent, with a growing sense of fatigue between the two.

From the various ways the questioner and her husband interact with her illness, it is evident that the husband does not fully acknowledge the questioner's efforts. He does not recognize her vulnerability when she is sick. He ignores her sadness and hurt and uses being busy as an excuse for his lack of responsibility.

What factors contribute to the husband's treatment of the questioner in this manner? It may be that he is reluctant to confront challenges head-on and tends to avoid them. The questioner, in turn, has consistently adapted and endured the consequences.

Is a change in lifestyle an option for you?

When a woman is excessively dedicated to her family and neglects her own needs, her husband may lose interest after spending an extended period together. This can result in the perception that she lacks financial independence and relies on him for support.

The husband fails to recognize that his wife's role as a homemaker is a contribution to the family unit. She assumes responsibilities typically associated with her husband's family, yet receives minimal acknowledgment or appreciation. Over time, such neglect can lead to a sense of disillusionment and a loss of expectations.

The original poster has experienced difficulties in this marriage, and it is possible that they still hold onto a glimmer of hope. However, based on the current pattern of interactions, without a change in approach, the cycle is likely to continue.

If your child is of an age to attend kindergarten, you may wish to consider seeking employment, at least to become financially independent. It is important to communicate to your husband that you are not solely reliant on him. It would be beneficial to share all family tasks equally, including childcare and housework. If he is not willing to contribute, it is advisable to maintain your resolve to ensure he recognises the effort you have invested.

It is important to recognize your own value and learn to love yourself.

It is not possible to determine the specific issues in the marriage from the text alone. The individual who has a positive relationship with their spouse is the best person to identify the challenges they are facing. It seems that the individual in question is struggling due to the inability to find solutions to the current, unsolvable problems.

As the pace of the questioner's life changes, her husband begins to appreciate the hard work she puts in, and they gradually identify opportunities to communicate. In some cases, boredom may result from a lack of variety in one's life. As previously stated, couples also require a sense of novelty.

When faced with a challenging situation, it is often beneficial to seek guidance from a trusted source. While this may not immediately resolve the issue at hand, it can provide a sense of catharsis and facilitate a shift in perspective.

"Managing Intimate Relationships" and "It Turns Out That Understanding Is More Important Than Love" are recommended to the questioner. It is more challenging to influence others than to influence oneself. Modifying others also demonstrates that we have expectations of others. Given the current inability to communicate effectively, it is advisable to prioritize self-love and learning effective strategies for resolving issues in intimate relationships.

I hope my response is of some assistance to the questioner. Best regards,

Hello, questioner.

When you're physically weak and vulnerable, you not only have to bear the physical pain yourself, but you also have to take care of the children. What's more, the person you love the most seems to be indifferent, leaving you feeling exhausted both physically and mentally. We truly feel your hardship and give you a warm hug! Let's analyze it together:

Your emotions:

How you're feeling:

(1) Helplessness, powerlessness, and grievance

I was in the middle of a viral infection and on my period, which made me physically and mentally vulnerable. My husband was busy working from morning to night, and even during the few days when I needed rest, he was still working non-stop. I also had to take care of the kids, so during my illness I could only order takeout.

At the most difficult and vulnerable time, you're not only without help, but you're also responsible for the kids. This makes you feel helpless and hopeless, and you'll feel aggrieved and sad.

(2) Grievance, resentment, and imbalance

When my husband was infected with the virus, I took on all the cooking, housework, laundry, and ironing, disinfected the rooms, cleaned the house, took care of the children, and balanced work for more than 20 days. Now it's my turn. I can't help but feel a bit down.

You feel like you've given it your all, but you haven't gotten anything in return. You're also angry and resentful that the other person is indifferent and that you're not getting a return on your efforts.

(3) Heartache and disappointment

You feel drained when you interact with your husband, who is perpetually occupied with other things (not work). If you're tired again, but you remind yourself that you're worthy, you don't feel genuinely loved or cared for. It's not that you're inconsiderate or unkind (you're excellent at caring for your parents, family, and relatives).

If I had to do it all over again, I would never get married.

He's great at looking after and thinking about other people, but you, the person who needs his care and attention the most, aren't getting the care you deserve. You feel heartbroken and disappointed in him and your relationship.

From what you've told me, it's not just the physical pain that's upsetting you, but also the emotional pain. Being ill is already very upsetting, as is having to take care of your children while you're ill and having to order takeaway for meals.

Your husband's indifference and lack of concern for you have made you resentful and angry towards him. You feel aggrieved and unbalanced because you work so hard but don't get any love in return, and feel like your efforts are worthless. At the same time, you feel heartbroken and desperate about your relationship.

My advice is:

1. Learn to love yourself first.

From what I've seen, you're a thoughtful, kind, and caring person. You're also very reasonable. You give your all to your husband, children, and family, but when you need love for yourself, you don't get it, which makes you feel aggrieved and unbalanced.

It's great to show love for your family, but I'd like to give you a bit of advice: take care of yourself, both physically and mentally, before you start loving others. When you have more love in your heart, you'll be able to give more love.

When you give some of your love to others, you'll feel joy in your heart. You won't feel deprived, and you won't particularly long for reciprocation. If others can return some love to you in kind, you'll naturally feel very happy. If they don't reciprocate, at least you can bear it.

I'd also recommend reading Psychologist Jin Yunrong's book, "Fill Your Own Cup First," if you get a chance.

2. Switch up your communication style.

You mentioned that over the past few years, there have been more sad moments than happy ones, more arguments than peace, more crying than laughing, and countless painful struggles, breakdowns, and despair. It seems that arguing is a common form of communication between you.

Maybe we can try a different way of communicating. For example, instead of saying, "How can you be so cold?" or "You never show any concern," we can say, "I'm having a hard time right now and I hope you can show me some care and attention," "I'm sick, but you've been busy outside the whole time, which makes me feel unappreciated," "I'm sick, but I still have to take care of the kids and cook for myself, so I have to order takeout, which makes me feel sad," "I'm sick, but you're not taking care of me, which makes me feel sad," and so on.

When you're communicating, focus on expressing your feelings without judging or accusing the other person. Share more facts and less emotion. Don't accuse or judge the other person for being wrong, but tell them what you need and want. When we can express ourselves without emotions, things might improve.

This is a communication technique, and I also suggest you try to use it more often in the future.

Once you're feeling better, I suggest you check out Dr. Marshall Rosenberg's book, "Nonviolent Communication." It's not just about communication skills. It dives into people's psychology and relationships. It's worth a read.

3. It'd be a good idea to come up with a plan for dividing up the household chores.

It's important to remember that maintaining a family requires the joint efforts of both parties. Once you've recovered from an illness, it's a good idea to sit down and have a chat to negotiate a family work plan based on each other's working hours and work nature.

For instance, if the child is more attached to the mother, she can take on more childcare duties while the father can handle other tasks. It might be easier for everyone to split up the work and follow the plan together.

I hope these suggestions help. I'm sending love to the world and to you.

Hello, I'm worried about you. Take care of yourself. The most important thing is to get well soon.

You are suffering, in pain, and distracted. Your child is young and you have no help with the housework. You are feeling low, even painful and helpless. You need your lover. Even a warm greeting from him would help.

He's busy. If it's work, you'll understand. Have you asked him for help?

Men sometimes ignore your needs because you're capable. They think you can handle it, but if you show your vulnerability, they might want to help.

Secondly, you say that in your marriage, you feel sad, angry, and hopeless. When did this start? How was your life before your children were born?

How did you meet and fall in love? When did your relationship start to have problems?

You've been married four years and have a child. This is when marriages start fighting. You and your partner don't show each other beauty anymore, so problems have come up. Your families are also involved because of the child. You and your partner grew up in different families, so you have different habits and values. You're trying to influence each other, and there will be fights.

You need to communicate more. Express your needs, not emotions. Dealing with marriage problems may not be the right thing to do. Your illness is making your marriage worse.

I think you should focus on solving practical problems related to your illness and your need for care.

You say your lover is caring and attentive to others. He is also caring and attentive to his parents, family, and relatives. This shows he is a good person. There are just such people in life. His wife is capable, so he relaxes at home. He may feel you don't need him. I'm not excusing him. Some men are spoiled by women.

Let him play a role and feel needed at home.

The outbreak of the epidemic shows how the world is.

But love between family members can also be rediscovered in the face of life and death. You are a good wife and mother. It is not easy for you to take care of your husband and children alone when he is sick, and to do all the housework.

He's better now, but he's back to work. He ignores you. He doesn't help when you need it. This makes you sad. It would be unbearable for anyone. Your anger and depression are a build-up of daily emotions. You can't handle the family alone. You need his support. You're a woman, and you need his love. Sometimes women need to show vulnerability.

Take a break, let him help with the chores. He'll appreciate it. You're still sick, so take care of yourself. Let your husband handle the kids and housework. Don't worry, he'll show he cares.

Take care of yourself and get better soon.

After reviewing the comments from all parties, I believe it would be beneficial to provide a few additional facts.

1. During the Yang period, he was isolated in his room, and both I and the child were still negative. I had to admit that my actions were intended to protect the health of my child and me, not to maintain a certain image. In fact, more than 25 days had passed since his infection and the appearance of proof in the child, and my protection was effective and fruitful.

2. The child and I are fortunate to enjoy good health. One day after he had recovered, I took the child to the supermarket to collect a delivery. I believed he was simply playing downstairs.

Upon my return, I discovered that the child had been permitted to hold the package. As I was unable to care for the child that day due to the adverse effects of caffeine, and after I brought him home, I only washed my hands myself, neglecting to disinfect the package or wash my hands. As a result, the child became infected and subsequently infected me.

3. When I was sick, I informed him of my needs and expectations, but he did not respond. His responses were either unresponsive, unavailable, or delayed.

In regard to the care of a sick child, the understanding is that this is not an indication of the greatness of maternal love. It was made clear that the child was taken out with me, but the result can be compared to the efficiency mentioned previously.

I also attempted to take the child to another room and leave them with a family member, but the child kept returning to me.

I kindly request that you read this additional note carefully. Thank you.

Perhaps a gesture of comfort and understanding could be beneficial in helping the OP to recognize and acknowledge the challenges he is facing in his marriage.

He is often preoccupied, and I am unsure of the nature of his engagements. Regardless of the context, he tends to be quite occupied.

It seems that the questioner is not taken care of by her husband when she is menstruating, and she has also been taking care of the children.

It would seem that the questioner did not receive the same level of care during her husband's illness.

The questioner wonders whether her husband is truly incapable of caring for others, or if there are other factors at play. It seems that he is, in fact, very caring towards their family's relatives.

The questioner feels that the marriage is like this. If I were to go back to the past, I would likely choose a different person.

How might the questioner go about improving the situation in her marriage and life?

I believe the questioner is ready to consider ways to improve the current situation. Could the preposition suggest some actions to enhance the current circumstances?

For instance,

One simple and convenient way to improve one's mental outlook, change one's emotions, and enhance one's knowledge is through reading.

It may be helpful to consider that exercise can be a fundamental and effective way to raise one's excitement, relieve pressure and depression, and resist irritability.

It would be interesting to know whether the subject has a job, as this could have an impact on the way they experience and respond to the activities described in the article.

It could be said that work provides us with a sense of stability in some of our interpersonal relationships and interactions. It also offers us an economic source, which can help us to face some of the challenges that life throws our way with greater confidence.

Good day, I am Ms. Liu, a platform-level consultant and registered psychologist. I am available to address your concerns and listen to your experiences. Should you wish to do so, you are invited to engage in a conversation with me, with the aim of providing you with assistance. Alternatively, you may choose to send me a private message with your query, which will allow for a more focused and tailored response.

The human experience is inherently challenging, and the institution of marriage is no exception. It is not uncommon for couples to encounter difficulties and challenges in their marital relationships.

In this world, due to differences in gender roles, the two sexes shoulder very different responsibilities in society. As a mother, a woman is constantly burdened by the pressures of work, family, children, housework, etc., which can be significant and challenging.

Nevertheless, if one's marital life resembles that of two mechanical beings moving in unison, devoid of emotion, communication, and affection, this can be identified as the primary source of fatigue.

From the perspective of relationship management, it is essential to recognize that any form of happiness is subject to management. There is no form of happiness that is exempt from this necessity, and it is unlikely that any form of happiness will remain unchanged over the course of a lifetime.

In the context of relationship management, it is essential to consider the potential for additional strategies or the efficacy of existing approaches.

For example, if one were to manage a marriage triangle, which includes passion, intimacy, and commitment, and ensure that the three sides of the triangle are of equal length, it would be reasonable to posit that the relationship would be stronger.

Passion serves as the fundamental prerequisite for the genesis of love. It can be likened to the "excited state" in the context of chemistry, and love must originate from this point. When two individuals are in proximity to one another, they are drawn to each other, resulting in a passionate, intense, and profoundly enriching experience.

This is an exceptional and joyous occasion in the context of romantic relationships.

Intimacy: Sexual intercourse and emotional intimacy serve as both the catalyst and the preservative for a successful marriage. They are essential elements that contribute to the longevity and stability of the marital bond. Intimacy implies the ability to share not only one's physical body but also one's emotional and mental self with another individual.

The act of sharing fosters closeness and intimacy between two individuals.

Commitment serves as the condition that guarantees the stability of love. It can be likened to the "ground state" in chemistry, representing the fundamental state. The couple's relationship is guaranteed by law, as well as by morality and the power of faith.

For example, the five languages of love include:

The first category of the five languages of love is affirming words. This category includes encouraging, affirming, kind, and humble words.

The second category of the five languages of love is special moments, which includes activities such as spending time together, engaging in meaningful dialogue, and developing the ability to converse.

Gift-giving is a further aspect of the language of love. It encompasses both material and non-material gifts.

fourthly, actions for love: actions and willing service for the other person because of love.

fifth, physical contact, which includes body language such as touching and petting with a partner.

Furthermore, there are additional considerations, such as the topics of marriage, dating, and sexual concepts. It is only through the resolution of these issues that one can truly navigate the complexities of love and achieve happiness.

The aforementioned analysis is merely a theoretical overview; your personal circumstances may deviate from this to a greater extent. Should you require further details, please do not hesitate to contact me via private message.

Dear Question Asker,

Show your affection with a warm embrace. When couples first marry, they often have different expectations. Many desire a happy and loving relationship. The questioner appears to be a woman with a strong family orientation. This may result in a tendency to invest significant time and resources in family matters. This is your personal commitment and a demonstration of your resolve.

My own marriage was similar. My elderly parents had either passed away or were sick and living far away in their hometown. I had no support network. I have two children, and I also spent most of my energy on accompanying and caring for them. My husband was only interested in struggling, becoming successful and getting rich. Society is tolerant of men, and men are aware of this. As long as their social status is stable, they will receive the social capital they expect. A harmonious family and filial children are all the symbolic capital they have. Do you think a man will easily make changes and spend time on things that can be obtained without any effort?

In contrast, societal expectations of women are much more demanding. There is a societal expectation that women will rely on men and children and devote all their time and money to them. However, if you examine the situation of the elderly living on the street or in the park, you will see that time is the fairest. The elderly women are all engaged in activities in the square, while the elderly men are sitting in wheelchairs basking in the sun. The difference in quality of life is the result of personal effort.

A segment on the Internet randomly interviews women on the street and asks if they would accept a monthly allowance of 200,000 yuan in the absence of their husband. The most astute response was that even if the allowance were 20,000 yuan, it would be illogical not to communicate with the absent spouse.

Once you have identified that your life goals and those of your husband are not aligned, you will be able to focus your energy on your own strengths. This will also enable you to make the most informed decisions regarding time and financial resources.

Psychologist Hellinger stated that over-giving in a relationship is not a prudent decision. The individual who over-gives is detrimental to the relationship because the one who gives too much is in a position of power, exerting control over the other person. This dynamic is akin to that of a mother providing unconditional love to her child. The two individuals have exhibited contrasting behaviors, so it is essential to find a balance in the future. If possible, you can perform the housework independently or hire a maid if necessary. This will free you from the drudgery of housework and allow you to prioritize your own needs. If you are waiting for your partner to change through giving or complaining, it is important to recognize that this may not be a sustainable approach. Criticizing or accusing your partner is unlikely to foster positive change.

It would be prudent to redirect a portion of your affections from the man to the money before the relationship deteriorates further. This will likely result in greater happiness and a slight decrease in your dislike of the man. Furthermore, for the sake of the money, it would be beneficial to maintain a positive demeanor.

I am a psychological counselor, Zhang Huili. I hope my answer will provide some measure of comfort and guidance in the midst of your challenges. I am unaware of the age of the original poster, but I believe that individuals over 30 have a general understanding that men tend to socialize with other men, and women with other women. It is often observed that women are more inclined to form strong and supportive relationships with other women. I suggest dedicating a portion of your time to nurturing these connections. These friendships can provide invaluable comfort, support, and strength when you need it most, and help you to maintain resilience in protecting yourself and your children from the elements.

Dear Question Asker, I am impressed by your dedication and commitment. When your husband is unwell, you provide comprehensive care, attending to his needs, the children's, your household duties and more. It is a challenging role.

When you are unwell, you also require your husband's care and attention. Regardless of the circumstances, it is unacceptable for him to neglect you when you are sick.

I also had an infection some time ago, also during my period, which caused significant discomfort throughout my body and a sharp pain in my throat. At that time, my husband was more seriously ill than I was, and neither of us was able to take action. However, I was in a slightly better position than you. My son is older and does not require care, so it was challenging for me at that time, not to mention that you, as a mother, have a young child. You are facing a difficult situation.

During an illness, physical pain can cause feelings of depression, poor eating and resting habits, and an inclination to view situations negatively. In such instances, a simple act of kindness, such as pouring a glass of water or taking care of children, can provide a sense of warmth and comfort, helping to overcome the physical discomfort.

In the absence of care and support, feelings of distress and sadness intensify. The question of why one married a particular individual, as suggested by a family member, is a common concern during this period.

If you have the opportunity, I would advise against selecting a partner who displays these characteristics.

I have previously experienced these thoughts, so I am well-positioned to empathize with you. These thoughts typically arise when we are unwell.

In addition to my concerns for your well-being, I would also like to discuss the matter further with you.

1. Please explain why you are unable to elicit care from others.

You have indicated that your husband is attentive and caring towards his parents and other relatives. This suggests that he is capable of demonstrating similar behaviour towards you. Could you please elaborate on why this is not the case?

I surmise that you typically excel in this role, to the extent that he feels at ease with you and believes he can manage without you.

This is a common misstep that couples often make. When I first got married, I would consistently clean the house and prepare dinner for my spouse upon his return. On one occasion, I went out and did not cook or clean the house. When my spouse returned, he was displeased and inquired as to why I had not cooked or done the housework.

I came to understand that I had been overdoing it in the past. I then ceased these actions, performing them at the whim of my mood. If I did not perform these actions, I allowed him to do so. This resulted in him learning to care for and respect me. I then became the one who decided what I liked and did not like to do, and he ceased commenting on my actions.

I previously mentioned that when I was indisposed, my husband was also unwell. I was slightly less unwell than him; I was able to get up, whereas he had a fever for three days and nights. When he was unwell, I began to question his actions, pointing out that we had both fallen ill at the same time and that I was still attending to his needs while he was resting and recuperating. I asked him if he felt bad about that. As a result, recently when he comes home from work, he does a really good job cleaning up after himself. This is one way to express my feelings and to demonstrate that I have done all that for him, and he has not done anything for me in return.

2. It is important to take time for rest and reflection when you are tired, and to consider the life you want to lead.

A family is created by two people together, not just one. When one member of the family needs support, the other is expected to provide it. This support can take many forms, including emotional support, practical assistance, and financial resources. It is important to be there for each other, even when things are difficult.

If you do not address the situation, you may become overly invested in the situation and neglect your own needs.

This incident will prompt a reevaluation of the relationship and consideration of potential adjustments. The incident demonstrates that the level of care and consideration demonstrated by the other party is insufficient.

It is important to consider how you will spend the remainder of your days. It is essential to prioritize self-care and self-love. You are a white swan; you must live your life as a white swan. That ugly duckling is just a pump.

As a final point of advice,

It is inadvisable to make decisions when in a bad mood, as our mood will cause us to overlook the negative aspects of the other person. There are positive attributes, and there are areas for improvement. This is a key aspect of maintaining a healthy relationship.

It is acceptable to express frustration and air grievances, but it is important to maintain a balance. Constructive catharsis can foster positive relationship dynamics, but excessive venting can lead to negative consequences.

I'm really glad we met!

From what you've said, it's clear you've made a lot of sacrifices and contributions in this marriage. I can also sense your inner disappointment and anger towards your partner. The pandemic has shown us a lot of things. It's fine to argue normally, but when you're sick and most vulnerable and in need of care, and still can't get the other person to contribute, it really makes people feel very sad.

As a wife and mother, I also have a child named Yangkang, and I know how uncomfortable the body feels after getting sick or infected. The child is still attached to his mother, and you have to avoid getting infected while also taking care of the child. It's really not easy, so I'm sending you a hug!

My marriage has been going on for about eight or nine years, which isn't that long. Let me share with you how I feel about marriage.

The first few years of marriage are a period of adjustment because each partner comes from a different family with different habits. Add the arrival of a child, the need to juggle a career, and a somewhat hectic life, and arguments are pretty common.

At the time, I wasn't studying, so I followed the example of my parents and went into a cold war whenever we had a fight. We were both miserable, and we made divorce threats many times.

Later on, he couldn't take it anymore, so he asked me to go out and talk. After chatting, we realized that we had a lot of misunderstandings. Women often make the other person guess, and if they can't guess, they get angry by themselves, thinking that he doesn't love me anymore.

Now I've learned to express myself consistently. For example, during my period, I have such severe back pain that I can't stand up, and he's been stuck at home for four days. I told him, "My back hurts so much, could you give me a massage?"

Or I need to take care of the baby. The baby can't get up and can't leave me, so you can bring the food over. When you clearly express your needs, it's easier for the other person to meet them.

When you're in a lot of pain and need care, you can just tell him, "I'm in a lot of pain these days and need you to cook, do some simple housework, and take care of me. I really can't get up. Try to take care of the baby for me. It's not safe for him to be jumping around next to me, and I'm worried that he might get infected. It also prevents me from getting any rest. You'll have to take care of him for a few days."

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2. I don't know how his parents get along in his family of origin. Is his mother always busy and his father a hands-off boss? Did he also rarely do housework as a child and did his mother do it all? If so, it will be difficult for him to change all of a sudden. You need to let go as much as possible and let him participate in family activities more often.

For instance, if you're cooking, let him wash the dishes. If you're doing the laundry, let him hang the clothes up to dry. If you're mopping the floor, let him take out the trash, and so on.

It's a good idea to let him get involved in the family as much as possible. Let him take care of the household chores so that he'll appreciate your hard work.

You know that you can't change the tissues yourself, that someone has to take out the trash, and that someone has to mop the floor. You let go as much as possible, give him a pat on the back for a job well done, and let him get on with the work.

Just remember, don't expect too much from him. Give him a pat on the back when he does well. The same goes for your kids.

Don't overdo it, but also know how to enjoy and appreciate the other person's efforts.

3. It's important to take care of yourself and love yourself. If you're really hurting, take a few days to relax. The house can be dirty and messy, but focus on making yourself comfortable.

If he can't take care of you, I'll take care of myself. I'll order what I like to eat, buy a bouquet of flowers, and make myself more comfortable. When you take care of yourself, you won't have too many expectations of the other person, and there will be no disappointment when those expectations are not met.

The bottom line is that marriage is about being fulfilled as an individual. If you can be happy on your own, you'll be happy with anyone. If you have some unmet psychological needs, you'll have petty arguments with anyone you live with.

I hope this helps! Best of luck to you!

In light of your question and subsequent comments, I feel compelled to offer my perspective on this matter. Marriage is a significant undertaking that demands considerable time and effort. It is, arguably, the most challenging aspect of life. If one were to prioritize the three key areas of work, childrearing, and maintaining a marriage, it is likely that managing a marriage would be the most demanding. Consequently, when you stated that you would not opt for marriage again, it is evident that you have experienced a degree of disillusionment in your marital relationship, encompassing both the visible and invisible challenges.

From your account, it is evident that you are highly responsible for your marriage and demonstrate a profound commitment to caring for and safeguarding your children. However, it is apparent that in your marriage, your husband is the beneficiary of this arrangement, as you assume the primary responsibility for family obligations, affording him the opportunity to evade his duties and avoid them.

Furthermore, your responses appear to be shaped by notions of masculinity, manifesting as attentiveness and strictness in protecting your children and family. However, your actions diverge from those of your "pig teammates," leading to a sense of regret.

Once a marriage begins, a number of significant life issues must be addressed. The financial stability of the marriage is contingent upon the survival of both individuals. The relationship between the parents involved in the marriage is influenced by the comfort level of their respective core living circles. The raising of children is a responsibility that must be shared by both individuals. The individual's sense of achievement and value is shaped by their respective job responsibilities and professional development.

Given the numerous issues and inherent complexities involved, coupled with the inherent differences in personalities, it is not surprising that disagreements arise. These can manifest in various ways, including differing opinions, disagreement on the "good" measures to implement as a family, and the need for understanding and support.

It is an inevitable consequence of human nature that disappointment will ensue when expectations are not met. When such disappointments accumulate, they can precipitate a sense of disillusionment with marriage. More profound instances can even prompt existential questioning and a re-evaluation of one's sense of purpose.

From your interactions with your husband, it is evident that you assume greater responsibility for the family's well-being, while your husband's primary focus is on work. An individual who assumes a greater role in family and child care is likely to possess superior skills and insights in these areas. However, if the husband is less involved, he may lack the necessary experience and knowledge to provide optimal support.

In our cultural environment, there is a dearth of educational resources for husbands on how to respect their wives who manage the household and take care of the children. In the social environment, there is a greater emphasis on how to demonstrate the existence and value of men in society, and there is a paucity of emphasis and educational resources on how men can be a good husband and a good father in the family while also taking care of their own survival.

Over time, considerable attention has been devoted to the education of wives and mothers.

Consequently, the wife in the family often faces significant challenges. On the one hand, the husband's experience is primarily centered on work, which can result in a lack of attention to the husband's role. Additionally, the education of the children may also be inadequate in this regard.

Furthermore, wives in families who dedicate a significant portion of their time to housework and child-rearing may also experience a sense of loss of identity.

It is my contention that this is not an issue that can be addressed in isolation; rather, it is one that is faced by numerous families in China.

It is preferable that you have not been silenced by this overwhelming environment and are actively seeking answers. I also perceive your personality to be that of a capable individual who is willing to express her opinions. If time, energy, and financial resources permit, I recommend investing in personal growth opportunities. This could include spending money on fitness and exercise, learning psychology, seeking professional counseling for psychological issues, and exploring one's own thoughts and feelings.

Persistence is a requisite element of this process. After two weeks, one will perceive a difference; after a month, a sense of being different from one's former self will emerge; and after three months, a significant shift from one's past self will be evident. Prolonged persistence will facilitate the discovery of one's authentic self, a state of living that is comfortable, and a state of being that is happier.

It is imperative to cultivate a greater sense of self-love.

I am a counselor, Gong Jianfen. I appreciate your message and your attention to my initials. You are also welcome to schedule an appointment with me at your convenience.

I extend my best wishes to you.

The love theory proposed by American social psychologist Stanley Milgram of Yale University posits that love is comprised of three fundamental components: passion, intimacy, and commitment.