"Marriage in the 'widowed' style: what to do when encountering a 'sow' in a partnership?"

Hello, I'm a social worker, and I'm here to help.

The pressure of a "widowhood-style marriage" can often feel overwhelming, making it difficult to see a future. Many people find it challenging and may develop depressive symptoms, which can have a negative impact on the marriage and the woman's well-being.

Ultimately, this can lead to feelings of exhaustion, both physically and mentally. Many women find themselves hoping that their husbands will change, participate in and contribute to the family, and thus improve the situation.

It might be more helpful to focus on changing yourself than on expecting others to change. While it is certainly possible to save a "widowhood-style marriage," it is likely to be challenging. It would be beneficial to identify the root cause first:

Perhaps your indulgence has contributed to the current situation.

It's important to recognize that "widowhood-style marriages" exist for a reason. In many cases, it's the woman's repeated and unconditional indulgence that has led to a sense of empowerment in the man.

It might be helpful to remember that you are his legal wife, you share common property and rights, and you are not his personal nanny.

In marriage, it is often the case that a woman will put herself in a subordinate position first, which can lead to the other party feeling superior. It is not uncommon for this to result in the other person feeling that this is how things should be, and they may not voice their concerns even if they are ignored.

You may wish to consider the following methods for changing your status.

Firstly, it would be beneficial to gain a deeper understanding of your position and consider making some personal changes.

Even if you are a housewife, you can still do it, but it's important to maintain your independence and to ensure that your husband is not indulged unconditionally.

It would be beneficial for anyone, whether they are a housewife or work, to learn time management and use every spare moment to learn and enrich themselves, so that they can become independent.

Secondly, it may be helpful to consider saying "no" to your husband.

If your husband shows signs of indifference for the first time, it would be wise to speak with him about it. If you let it go this time, it might become a more serious issue.

Thirdly, it would be advisable to ensure that your husband does not become too idle.

It is not uncommon for indifferent husbands to be accustomed to being taken care of by two women, one of whom is often their mother and the other their wife.

Even if it's a minor issue, it's important to involve him and ensure that he's not becoming too accustomed to you taking on most of the responsibilities.

Otherwise, when you're there scrubbing dishes and mopping the floor with great effort, wiping away tears of frustration, and he's still there, playing with his phone with his legs crossed, who do you blame? It's important to recognize that the responsibility lies with both parties.

Fourth, it is important to be honest with yourself and face reality.

Many women choose to escape. I have children, and I have a father for them and a complete family. I have to put up with it, but I am grateful for it.

It might be helpful to consider that avoidance may not be the most effective solution. It could be beneficial to take the time to properly recognize the issue between you, communicate with him courageously, negotiate, and be decisive when necessary.

I hope this finds you well. I just wanted to send my best wishes to you. (Yixinli Whale Social Worker)

Your husband doesn't help with the investment in your children's education, which has left you feeling confused and upset. Your words and actions remind me of the many cases of marital counseling I've seen before.

Some capable women who are great at their careers and at being mothers find themselves in a marriage where their husband is hands-off. Is this a marriage paradox? Is divorce the only way out?

In my 10 years of personal experience of marriage, I've seen things go from passion to boredom, from boredom to a cold war, from a cold war to communication, from communication to understanding, and from understanding to mutual support. Spouses get along with each other, achieving mutual success and growing together on the path of cultivation. You and he are the protagonists, an indispensable pas de deux.

So, how do you dance a good pas de deux? From my professional and experiential perspective, I'd like to share a few points with you.

It's essential to plan ahead and avoid risks.

The start of married life is about more than just two people getting married and living together. It's also about the two people and the two families working together and integrating.

Since you're starting a new family from scratch, you need to figure out your own family business model. Things like money, kids, education, careers, the elderly, and retirement all require planning.

So, it's important to plan ahead to avoid any potential issues.

Figure out your life goals and your vision for your marriage, and then find the music that gets you moving.

Before you start dancing together, it's important to know who you are as individuals. A woman is first and foremost herself, and then she takes on the roles of wife and mother.

So, reduce internal conflict, figure yourself out, and find the path and direction you want to take in life. This will give you more direction and strength when running your marriage.

Don't get bogged down in a losing battle.

It's important to find ways to communicate and to encourage your husband to dance with you.

Communication is the key to resolving conflicts. Even arguing is a form of communication because it's better to argue than to let things fester. However, it's best not to argue in front of the kids.

If you want to manage your marriage, you can't just rely on one person to practice alone. You have to practice together as a couple to combine your strengths and become more powerful.

Find a rhythm and dance moves that are right for you both, and discover the wonderful pas de deux that belongs to you both.

This is something you need to get done in the first three years of your marriage. Find your own rhythm, then work with your partner to coordinate and adjust, and find a conflict resolution method that works for you.

If your spouse is absent, it's important to show your husband how much the family needs him. Being open about your needs and expectations can help him to step up and take action.

Thinking is all about problems, while doing is all about finding solutions. It's important to address the conflicts and contradictions in the family. Every family has its own unique challenges, so it's essential to identify your own direction and strengths, prioritize your needs, and communicate effectively with your partner.

I'm sure you'll be able to dance your pas de deux well, given your intelligence.