Married with children, the husband finds the living conditions unacceptable, wanting to go home yet causing conflict?

When facing family and marital difficulties, it is crucial to recognize that your feelings are valid and deserve respect. Issues such as an inability to adapt to living conditions, communication barriers between partners, and regrets about the marriage must be addressed and resolved. Here are some suggestions that we believe will be helpful:

Safety and health are the primary considerations.

Your safety and that of your children is of the utmost importance. If your current living conditions are untenable and affecting your basic needs, you have every right to consider returning to a more comfortable environment for the time being.

2. Communication and problem solving

When you've both calmed down, talk to your husband again. This time, don't make accusations. Just tell him how you feel and what you need.

Seek help from a neutral third party. If direct communication is difficult, get help from a family counselor or marriage counselor. They can help you communicate better and solve problems professionally.

3. You must consider your long-term personal and child

You must consider your personal growth and financial independence. Regardless of the final outcome of the marriage, financial independence is an important factor in enhancing self-worth and freedom of decision-making.

Children: You must consider the child's upbringing environment and emotional health, and the importance of giving the child a healthy and stable upbringing environment when deciding whether to maintain the marriage.

4. Create a response plan.

You must make a short-term plan, including arranging temporary accommodation, handling relationships with children, and seeking legal advice if necessary.

Long-term planning: You must think about what kind of life you want, including your personal and professional development, your children's education, and the environment of your family life. Use this information to create a long-term plan.

5. Get the support you need.

Seek support from family and friends. They can provide emotional comfort and practical help during this difficult time.

Seek professional help. A counselor can provide guidance and support to help you better deal with emotions and marital problems.

When facing marital problems, especially when basic living conditions and emotional dissatisfaction are involved, you must take action to protect your well-being and that of your children. At the same time, you can find a solution to the problem and strive for a healthier and happier life for yourself and your children through reasonable communication and professional help.

Dear Sir/Madam I am writing to ask a question. Kind regards

Kindly extend a warm embrace.

Regarding the matter of your confusion, I would like to clarify that I have been married with children and have returned to my husband's hometown on two occasions. The first time I returned to my parents' house on the second day due to unforeseen circumstances.

I was unable to tolerate the situation any longer and wished to leave. 1. Attending the restroom is not a lengthy excursion to his brother and sister-in-law's residence. I simply wish to wait until the next day to relieve myself. I do not want him to be outside the room, particularly at night. The bathroom is situated in a remote area with mountains behind it. 2. The basic faucet in the bathroom is not functional, so I have to brush my teeth in a sink. The fundamental amenities of the bathroom are not available, and now the plumbing is undergoing temporary repairs. 3. No one eats dinner at 2 or 3 o'clock. If there is food, it is either dog meat hotpot that is not suitable for consumption or it is extremely spicy.

The first meal was consumed at a table in the corner, while the second meal was eaten alone without being at the table. The house is cold and lacks basic privacy. The door is frequently opened and closed.

The back door is in another room, Room 5, and there is no storage space. I am unable to organize my belongings. I grew up in an urban environment, and my parents express concern when they learn of my situation.

From an emotional standpoint, my current marriage is only sustained due to the presence of children. I believe that my decision to marry was based on flawed reasoning. I proposed a return to the relationship on the second day of the lunar year, but my husband indicated a preference for a third-day return.

I was not inclined to do so, so he began to enumerate the reasons for his discontent. The argument culminated in his declaring his intention to leave. I could leave today.

I informed him that I had a high-speed train ticket for today and he advised me not to spend any more of his money. He also instructed me to take the child with me.

I am unsure of the best course of action. His attitude has caused me to feel wronged, and now I am even more disinclined to continue this marriage. I would like to leave as soon as possible. I am deeply regretting this decision to marry.

"

The original poster is not concerned with your personal narrative. Your husband hails from a rural region, which is why you were aware of his family's financial limitations and yet still married him without reservation. Fundamentally, you love him, but you lack the ability to express it.

In his family atmosphere, you are expected to spend the New Year with your family. This is a condition with which he has lived since childhood, which is completely different from the condition in which you have lived since childhood. As a result, you feel very uncomfortable, and he also thinks you are being pretentious. At this time, it is essential that you sit down and communicate properly. It would be unwise to leave in a huff.

My friend implemented a solution that involved opening a hotel near her husband's hometown. This allowed her to avoid the less desirable experiences she had every New Year's Eve when she visited her husband's hometown. It's a temporary solution, but it could be a viable option to consider.

There is a cartoon that illustrates a situation in which two donkeys are tied together by a snake. One of the donkeys wants to eat the grass on the left, while the other wants to eat the grass on the right. However, they are unable to do so because of the snake. The donkeys then discuss a solution: they decide to eat the grass on the left first and then the grass on the right. This allows them both to achieve their goal of eating grass. When we encounter irreconcilable conflicts, it is often helpful to take a step back and try to find a solution.

It is a straightforward matter to consider. Primarily, it is not feasible for you to adapt to the environment of his family, as it is starkly divergent from your own upbringing.

Secondly, he believes that you are repulsed by the circumstances of his family and that you are reluctant to accept his family.

I believe it would be beneficial for me to express the reason why I am actually quite willing to accept his family. It's only that I really can't stand your family's original way of life. I am curious as to whether I can solve my housing problem by moving out, and then I can come over and share the party with everyone when they get together.

I believe this is an effective strategy.

That will be all for now. Best regards, [Name]

From a psychological perspective, the situation you describe presents a fascinating array of psychological and social dynamics, including adaptation stress, interpersonal conflict, differences in individual values and lifestyles, and communication problems in the marriage. The following is an analysis of your situation and some suggestions.

Adjustment stress

The change in circumstances and the discomfort you feel with the living conditions can be seen from a psychological perspective as an exciting opportunity for growth and adaptation! When an individual moves from a familiar environment to a new, unfamiliar, or unsuitable environment, they get to adjust their behavior and mindset to embrace the changes and make the most of the new situation.

Prolonged adaptation stress can lead to depression, anxiety, or even depression. But don't worry! In your case, the significant differences in living conditions and the unmet basic needs for living have created considerable adaptation stress.

Let's dive into the exciting world of interpersonal relationships!

The arguments you have with your husband and the differences in lifestyle with your in-laws reflect relationship conflicts. Psychologists believe that relationship conflicts often stem from mismatched expectations, poor communication, unclear role definitions, or differences in values.

In your description, your husband's lack of understanding and support for your feelings may have exacerbated the level of conflict, leading to your low mood and decreased marital satisfaction. But don't worry! This is an opportunity for growth and change.

There are so many differences in values and lifestyles!

You mentioned your urban background and your discomfort with the current living conditions, which reflects the significant differences in values and lifestyles between you and your husband's family—and it's these differences that make your relationship so interesting!

The good news is that psychological research shows that differences in values and lifestyles are one of the most common causes of conflict in couples. The even better news is that when these differences are not effectively communicated and negotiated, they can be overcome with open communication and a willingness to negotiate.

Let's dive into the exciting world of communication in marriage!

Effective communication is the key to a healthy marriage! It seems, though, that there are a few communication barriers between you and your husband.

Your husband's reaction may indicate a few things. It could mean he doesn't fully understand your feelings or how to express his feelings and needs in a way that's effective for you. It could also mean that he's not used to expressing his feelings and needs in a way that's constructive and helpful for resolving problems.

Now for some advice!

1. Personal psychological adjustment: Seeking professional psychological counseling is a great way to help you deal with adaptive stress, learn emotional management skills, and improve your personal psychological resilience!

2. Take your communication skills to the next level! Learn and practice effective communication skills, such as using "I" statements to express feelings, active listening, and avoiding accusations or negative labels in communication.

3. Marriage and family counseling: You've got this! Consider attending marriage and family counseling with your husband. A professional counselor can help you identify and resolve core issues in your marriage, improve relationships, and promote understanding and support from both sides.

4. Build a support system: It is so important to build a support system during this difficult time. This can be trusted family members, friends, or support groups who can provide emotional support and practical help.

5. Personal growth and self-care: It's time to invest in your own growth and development! Read, learn new skills, or pursue a hobby. And don't forget to take care of yourself! Eat a healthy diet, exercise moderately, and get enough rest.

The good news is that you are not alone! There are so many resources and ways to help improve your current situation. With professional psychological support and active personal efforts, you can gradually overcome these challenges and find a healthier and more satisfying lifestyle.

Hello, question asker.

I can really relate to how you're feeling.

As someone who lives in the city, your husband's family's environment and living conditions are pretty tough on you.

On the one hand, she's struggling to adapt to her new life. On the other hand, her husband doesn't understand her needs or consider her feelings, which is making her feel sad. The two families also have different expectations for the quality of life.

As you mentioned, even the basic necessities like clothes and sundries are not taken care of properly. This isn't about poverty, but more about the way they approach life.

Has your husband's family's living environment improved since you married into the family? This would show whether they are living a good life. Grandma Xu, who has recently become very popular on TikTok, is also from a rural area. However, their cooking looks delicious, and their house is not too messy.

Have they thought about how you feel?

Even though you've already married into the family and have kids, you can still count on your in-laws and relatives for love and support. They might not always make your favorite dishes, but they'll make you something you enjoy. Demanding that you adapt to your husband's family is unreasonable.

For your husband, going back to his hometown with his wife and kids might also be about showing respect to his family. His family is more important than yours, even if you're from the city. You still have to follow their rules when you go back to his hometown.

He knows you're not happy, but he just thinks you're being difficult and doesn't understand why you're uncomfortable.

He's not helping the family improve their living conditions. He's just going along with the old ways, which isn't really an expression of filial piety. It's not about bringing your daughter-in-law and children home to be filial. It's about making life better and more comfortable for the family.

He grew up in that environment and has adapted. But he's asking you to adapt, which is very difficult for you.

From what you've said, this isn't the first time you've gone back to your parents' house on the second day of the Lunar New Year. It seems like the last time you went home was also a bit of an unhappy experience.

If you really don't want to go back, you can just not go back or invite his parents to your city to celebrate the New Year together.

Think of it as a survival of the fittest. For example, where did Dad go? Some people get a shabby house in poor condition, but some families are happy with what they have. The most important thing is that you know you're just living there for a few days, while they may have already adapted or become numb and don't want to change.

Family conflicts do tend to occur during the Spring Festival. How does your husband act at other times of the year?

Overall, are you happy with your marriage?

If the family isn't in sync, it'll be tough to make things work.

Ultimately, it's up to you.

You've got this!

Let's start by chatting about our attitudes towards marriage.

Morally, domestic marriage and love can only be carried out with one person, sweetheart.

People's economic abilities can be divided into different levels. This is totally normal! Men and women at the same level can have love at the same time. Men and women at different levels can have love at the same time. And men and women at the same level and men and women at different levels cannot have love and marriage at the same time.

Marriage and love are two things that go hand in hand.

It's a common misconception that if someone is poor, they can't be independent. But there are so many different ways to be independent!

If we only recognize emotional independence, then it's totally possible for someone to have love affairs with people from all different economic backgrounds. They could be in love with someone who's poor, someone who's rich, or someone from the middle class.

If emotional independence is only recognized as being accompanied by financial independence, then the possibilities are endless! You could have a love affair with a rich person, a middle-class person, a very rich person, or even someone of a different financial ability at the same time.

It's so important to recognize that a person's financial ability and emotional independence go hand in hand with their independence of character. Otherwise, polygamous relationships would seem normal, and we definitely don't want that! We must recognize that your husband, whether he is rich or poor, is your only partner now, and by your choice, you and he are both people with character. You are emotionally and personally independent, and that's a wonderful thing!

The wonderful thing about marriage is that it first recognizes personal independence. You don't have to depend on other people's emotional opinions because of financial problems. That means you get to decide for yourself who to love and marry, as well as having a certain ability to transform the environment and manage relationships.

It's so important to remember that no matter who you're with, they're a person with their own unique personality. And no matter what their financial ability is, they should be the only one.

If you only focus on your husband's financial situation, it's easy to forget that you have options too. There are many ways you can approach this.

But if we talk about this, we're really talking about so much more than just marriage.

2. I'm just wondering if your husband is an independent person?

It's so interesting how our independence is shaped by so many different factors! It really depends on whether we have the ability to change our environment, whether we need to rely on others for emotional support, and whether we need to rely on others for emotional support because of financial problems.

All the environmental suggestions you've made are great! You can make the dishes less spicy, fix up the house, build a toilet, and even live with the children. This will really improve the environment for everyone!

You don't often go back to your husband's family home during the New Year, so it's not a long-term living situation. As for whether it's necessary to spend the family funds from your marriage to improve your life at your in-laws', it really depends on how you and your husband negotiate.

It's so great that your family cares about you! It's wonderful that you can turn to them for support and guidance whenever you need it.

Good environmental conditions are created by people like you! You want to organize your clothes, which shows that you have the ability to improve the environment.

I have a little tip for you! Next time you come to your hometown in the south, just bring a hanger with you, and you will have achieved your goal of improving the environment!

It's true that men and women are different. And it's clear that your husband is more adaptable than you.

I totally get it. I can see how the environmental issues you've raised might not affect your husband. He might have grown up in a place where it's cold, and he might have eaten spicy food for a long time. It's possible that he's not afraid of spicy food anymore.

So, when it comes to the environment, your husband is great at adapting to it, while you are fantastic at changing it. It's not really your husband's job to understand that the environment needs to be changed.

It's so important to understand that the environment needs to be adapted. We all have different perceptions and understandings, and it can be tricky to bridge the gap. But it's worth trying!

It's so true that communication and understanding require effort!

If there's nothing we can see about your husband that's a problem, like if he's a mama's boy or not very independent, then there's no reason your marriage has to end in divorce.

Your husband is somewhat dependent on his ability to adapt to his environment and doesn't seem to have the ability to transform it. But that doesn't mean he doesn't have the ability to transform it! It just depends on how you negotiate.

This brings up the topic of family investment, which is an important aspect to consider.

Hello! I'm a heart exploration coach. Life is an incredible journey, and it's not just about appreciation—it's about blossoming!

I totally get where you're coming from! As someone who grew up in the city, you went back to your husband's relatively traditional hometown, where you faced some unexpected challenges. It's totally normal to feel a bit regretful about this marriage. Let's dive in and see what happened!

Marriage is an incredible chemical reaction where 1+1=2!

It's fascinating to consider how two individuals from distinct original families can merge to bring their respective family "models" into their married life. Of course, it also presents an exciting challenge!

The really fascinating thing is that when two people from two different families come together to form a new family, there is so much exciting novelty in their lives! It makes people curious and eager to explore.

For example, if a southern person marries a northern person, there is so much fun to be had just from the different tastes and accents! Not to mention the customs and family values, etc. It is enough to have a family of three or four people from different places to enter a "sketch competition"!

I really want to say that when you go back with a different frame of mind, it's a whole new experience!

The old hometown, with its quirks and shortcomings, does bring you a lot of inconvenience in life. But after all, it is temporary. You only go home to visit for the New Year's holiday, 365 days a year.

Think of it as an actor's life experience, a visit to relatives, or a rural vacation. In the old hometown, you can still feel the local customs that you haven't felt in decades, which is also a kind of alternative life experience—and it's a great one!

2. Seeing the emotional needs behind your emotions is an incredible experience!

When you complain to your partner, it doesn't mean you don't like your hometown. It just means you want him to see how hard it is for you! You are full of filial piety and respect for your hometown and his parents.

"The speaker didn't mean it, but the listener took it personally." One sentence stabs the other person's sensitive inferiority complex, leading to a lack of rapport and communication. You feel increasingly aggrieved, and he is inexplicably annoyed. But here's the good news! You can turn this around.

In fact, you both have the same goal: to express your filial piety to your parents and to spend a happy New Year together in peace and harmony. You are just thinking and understanding within your own scope of knowledge.

When you understand your emotions and feel satisfied with your feelings, love will flow again and happiness will follow! Couples in particular must learn to express themselves directly and communicate effectively.

Marriage and family are amazing places for couples to cultivate together! Respect, trust, mutual tolerance, and nourishment are what support a home where parents are safe and healthy, and children can grow up happily.

"It turns out that understanding is more important than love." "Knowing how to love" is highly recommended for you! Going back to your hometown with a different mood will also change your emotional experience.

I really hope the above is helpful to you! And I just want to say that the world and I love you!

If you want to continue the exchange, I highly recommend following my personal homepage, "Heart Exploration Service"!

Hello, I'm Strawberry.

We chose to enter into marriage with each other because we had expectations of our partner and visions for our future lives. Once we started living together and getting along, we discovered that reality was very different from what we had imagined. This led to a gradual loss of hope for our married life in reality.

Perhaps the root of the conflict lies in a lack of empathy, in not being able to fully understand and appreciate the other person's perspective.

Since the questioner married her partner, she has only had the opportunity to visit her partner's hometown on two occasions. It's not that the questioner dislikes her partner or is envious, but she has some reservations about her partner's hometown. The architectural layout of their hometown has presented some challenges in daily life, and their casual living habits are not to the questioner's taste.

The questioner's partner is quite at home in his family's former place of residence. He has become accustomed to the irregular architectural layout and the other living habits of his family. He doesn't need to re-adapt to anything when he returns to his hometown. It seems that he has not fully considered the questioner's feelings and is experiencing some confusion and frustration at the questioner's opinions.

The impact of different focuses on the situation

Due to the discomfort and unfamiliarity, the questioner found it challenging to remain in the partner's hometown for an extended period. When the questioner proposed leaving, the questioner's partner suggested staying for one more day. In this matter, the questioner's partner did not inquire about the reason for the questioner's reluctance to stay longer. He simply expressed his own arrangements and expressed his reservations and frustration with the questioner's arrangements.

From the author's words, it seems that there might be room for improvement in communication between the author and their partner. It appears that there are differences in perspective when it comes to the same thing, which could lead to differing outcomes.

I am unsure of the best course of action in this situation.

Intimate relationships are also a type of interpersonal relationship. We are not born knowing how to get along with others in harmony. In the process of getting along with each other, it is important to find ways to get along and to correct each other in a timely manner when we discover each other's mistakes.

☀️ It would be beneficial for the questioner to communicate more with her partner. It seems that she is willing to put up with her partner and live with him for the sake of the children. This could be an indication that she does not see any hope for what she wants in this marriage. It may also be the case that she has lost confidence in her partner's feelings for her. This could be a sign of a "get by as you can" mentality.

It seems that you may have lost some of your initial expectations for your marriage or your partner, but you are still affected by your partner's actions and words, which can influence your emotions and affect your feelings towards them. This suggests that you still have some hope for change in your relationship, but it is often overshadowed by the reality of the difficulties you are facing in getting along with each other.

It would be beneficial to communicate more with your partner. Communication is an important aspect of building and maintaining relationships. It is important to address and resolve minor issues promptly to prevent them from becoming significant emotional challenges or affecting the relationship. Resentment can sometimes intensify minor disagreements, so it is essential to address and resolve these issues constructively.

It would be beneficial to try to understand your partner's feelings. When you went back to your partner's hometown, you both felt a certain level of discomfort, and you suggested leaving early. It seems that your husband felt uncomfortable because you were eager to leave his hometown.

From what we can gather from the architectural layout of the questioner's partner's hometown, it seems that their previous economic conditions may have been average, or perhaps even worse. It's possible that the house was added to when the family was more financially comfortable, which is why the layout of the house in their hometown is not so standardized.

A person's character and mentality can be influenced by various aspects of their family. It seems that the questioner's partner may have the perception that the questioner dislikes the old home. This could suggest that he feels inferior. Compared to the urban life that the questioner is used to, he may be aware that his family's conditions are less privileged. Despite these differences, he does not allow the questioner to hurt him.

It might be helpful to consider that the way we express our emotions can have a significant impact on the way we interact with others. If we feel strongly about a particular issue and express our disagreement with the person we're in a relationship with, it's important to recognize that our emotions are not the only factor at play. It's also essential to understand that our partner's opinions and beliefs may differ from our own. In some cases, it's possible that our partner's financial dependence on us might influence their willingness to compromise. However, it's crucial to recognize that this dynamic is not necessarily a reflection of our partner's character but rather a result of the way we handle our relationship. It's also important to consider the influence of our partner's upbringing on their current beliefs and behaviors. Understanding these factors can help us navigate our relationships more effectively and avoid misunderstandings.

It seems that the husband has been influenced by certain concepts and educational approaches that have led him to neglect his partner's feelings and fail to maintain an intimate relationship. Love is a lifelong journey, and we can all strive to improve ourselves if we are open to doing so.

The questioner might consider accompanying her husband to learn the skills and knowledge of intimate relationship management. This could help him to express himself properly and avoid acting like a hedgehog, barbing his quills at the slightest provocation. If the questioner's husband is willing to change, there may still be a way to get along with each other. However, if he is not willing to change, the questioner may wish to follow her heart and make the right choice for herself.

I hope my answer is helpful to the questioner. Best wishes.

Hello, I'm Jokerev. I understand exactly how you feel. Being in an unfamiliar environment and the difficulties in your marriage are both sources of stress.

First of all, I want to give you a warm hug. You are absolutely right to feel this way. Everyone has the right to a comfortable living environment and personal space.

You're not just dealing with differences in living habits, you're also dealing with issues of respect and understanding. He needs to realize that your need for basic amenities is not a matter of being picky, it's a basic requirement for the quality of life.

Your right to privacy and autonomy must be guaranteed. Everyone, whether in the city or in the countryside, deserves their own piece of quiet heaven.

You say that your children are keeping your marriage together, which is a great display of maternal love. However, you must remember that while you are taking care of your children, you should not neglect your own needs. If this marital relationship continues to make you feel tired and depressed, then you need to communicate with your partner in a timely and in-depth manner.

You can and should calmly express your concerns and expectations, let him understand your plight, and seek a solution to improve family life together.

If he cannot understand and accept your feelings, and even hurts you with his words, you must seriously consider whether you should continue to put up with such treatment. The essence of marriage is based on equality, respect, and love, not on one-sided sacrifice or endurance.

If you decide that leaving is the best option, then make that decision. It is your responsibility to do what is best for you and your child.

Your value is not dependent on the opinions of others. It is based on your own sense of happiness and satisfaction. You have the ability to create a warm and harmonious living environment for yourself and your children, no matter where you are.

If you need professional legal advice or psychological support, get it. You are not alone, and you will be accompanied by strength at every step.

Dear author, It's as if you're meeting someone in person when you read their words.

It seems that you have had a rather trying experience in your husband's hometown, and there may also be some communication challenges between you and your husband. It's important to remember that everyone's ability to adapt to different living conditions and circumstances varies. You grew up in the city and may not be used to the living conditions in the countryside, which is perfectly normal.

Furthermore, in today's world, with the challenges of daily tasks like using the bathroom, eating, sleeping, and washing, not to mention the responsibilities towards your parents, I am also taken aback and concerned for you.

"I don't want to." Then he starts talking about what's not to complain about. It seems that your husband's attitude could be improved. Instead of comforting you mentally, he blames you, and he is unwilling to support you in action.

In this situation, we would like to offer some tips that may be helpful.

In emotionally charged moments, it's not uncommon to say things we might regret later on. It's best to take a moment to calm down before having a serious discussion with your husband.

It might be helpful to express your feelings and needs, while also listening to his thoughts and opinions. You may be able to find a solution that works for both of you.

If you feel that your communication is not resolving the problem, you might like to consider seeking external support, such as mediation by a neutral third party. If you are already feeling disillusioned with the marriage, for example, you might like to think about consulting a professional marriage counselor. If it is possible for you to do so, you might like to try to ensure that you are financially independent.

This way, you will be able to provide for yourself and your children even if you decide to leave.

It is important to recognize and acknowledge your feelings. Your concerns and frustrations are valid. If you feel that you need a break, you might consider spending some time at your parents' house to give yourself a chance to adjust your mood.

It might also be helpful to consider what this marriage means to you and what you believe it is worth.

We recognize that this is a challenging period. You are not alone in navigating these waters. There are numerous individuals and resources available to provide guidance and support. Regardless of the decision you ultimately make, it is essential to prioritize the well-being of yourself and your children.

Let us pledge ourselves to action and knowledge, and may our lives be filled with happiness for the remainder of our days.