Memoirs of Time 2022, Chapter 6: How are your family relationships this year?

1. Family atmosphere and connection:

My husband and I have had many fights this year. He has made other friends, and I don't like it. I've been struggling and depressed, and we've grown apart. Now he doesn't come home, and I'm starting to accept it. He doesn't love me.

I had three sons, but I couldn't hold onto his heart. I was afraid, and after leaving this marriage, I was exposed to the cruel real world. I struggled to find a space to survive. It was really hard. I was in pain, suffering, and lost the desire to live.

My husband thought my life was still not bad enough. He needed to give me a few more kicks.

I have been learning about psychology and working as a counselor. I am grateful to have a profession like psychology and friends who support me. Today, I can face the morning with a smile and see beauty in the world.

I'm grateful for my three sons. They're the sunshine of my life.

I'm grateful for you. You've been there for me when I needed you most. Thanks to you, I'm determined to make a better life for myself.

2. My parents and I still don't get along, but I've let go of my resentment towards my brother. My life has been repaired a little. I'm lucky because this pain has forced me to grow and strive to move towards the light. I can already see myself getting better little by little.

3. Family conflicts and imbalances: This year, I have had conflicts mainly with my husband. He wants to escape from the family, while I try to bring him back. My marriage is already on the rocks, and next year may be the end. I am grateful that when conflicts arise, everyone stands by my side. I cannot change the status quo, but I am grateful to everyone in my life who has been good to me. Because of these lessons, I know that I must grow.

4. Setting boundaries:

1) This year, I have not set good boundaries. After my personal interests have been violated, I still beg him. I have not loved myself enough or allowed myself to live with more self-respect. I want a harmonious family environment, but things have not gone as I wished. I will love myself and try to be a good mother.

I will work hard to make my life better.

(2) This year, my husband's family tried to help, but it didn't work out. My husband wanted to leave, so I let him.

5. Upbringing and education (not applicable if you are not yet a parent):

1) My husband doesn't pay much attention to the kids. I've been trying to get him back, and I haven't been strict with the kids. They've basically been left to their own devices. I've been very incompetent.

I also have three sons.

(2) This year, my relationship with my children has improved. I am grateful to my children. Despite my emotional instability, they have remained happy and healthy. I am lucky. My son has made my life beautiful.

6. Plans for next year:

Next year's plan: 1. I don't expect or hope for anything from my husband. I'll live as if I'm divorced. It's his choice if he comes back.

2. Keep learning about psychology so I can support myself and my son.

3. Create a loving family with my child.

4. Make myself stronger so I won't fear divorce.

5. I'm grateful for this platform.

"Memoirs of 2022" Chapter 6: Please assess the status of your family relationships this year.

The year 2022 will also mark a pivotal shift in the dynamics of our family relationships.

Good evening, I am the respondent who experienced a setback. I recently completed the postgraduate exam while unwell and also wrote three articles, including this answer, while battling a fever of 38 degrees Celsius.

Firstly, the sense of community within the family unit is strong, with no significant issues to date.

Secondly, the majority of the negative influences from my family of origin have been reversed. My family of origin previously caused me significant emotional distress. I was bullied at school, and when I informed my family of the incident, they did not comprehend the situation and instead attributed it to my own shortcomings.

My family has also attempted to gaslight me, for example, offering criticism after I failed an exam. However, the criticism was not delivered effectively, making me feel uncomfortable and resentful. Subsequently, I came across an article on parenting online that suggested rebelliousness in children is not inherently negative and that arguing with parents can be beneficial.

I became more assertive and, when my parents attempted to use negative mental manipulation, I was able to muster the courage to fight back. This became a habit. (I must admit that I was quite rebellious.)

I have rebelled.

Once again, these past few years, especially the second half of 2021 to the present, have been a period of rapid growth in my sense of boundaries. I have accomplished this by reading a substantial number of articles and books, explaining and reasoning with my parents, and combining certain actions with time (when conditions permit). Additionally, my family members have demonstrated continued openness to new ideas and a willingness to adapt their educational models. Once our boundaries have been established, it has become much more comfortable and straightforward to interact with one another.

In regard to family conflicts, they have occurred on numerous occasions, primarily in the form of disagreements. While disagreements are inherently unpleasant, in hindsight, they still evoke a degree of distress.

Furthermore, the Marxist principle posits that contradictions propel progress. Grandpa Ma's words can also be applied to this situation.

It is precisely because of the conflicts that our family intimacy has improved significantly.

In conclusion, while there are still areas for improvement, I am willing to accept them. My objective is to find a way to move forward.

In 2023, my objective is to gradually learn to relinquish control, embrace a flexible mindset, and accept circumstances beyond my immediate influence. Concurrently, I will also encourage my family to adopt a similar approach.

"Memoirs of 2022" Chapter 6: How are your family relationships?

This year, because of the mask situation, my husband and I worked from home, and the kids took online classes at home. We were home for most of the year, which was also a year of our family members spending a lot of time together. We've been through a lot this year.

First, my husband got caught up in a telecommunications scam. My eldest son was on his way to see him about something, so my husband warned him about the scam and helped him avoid losing money. After that, we worked together to find solutions to various problems without arguing or complaining. We were able to successfully resolve a lot of issues.

Later on, the eldest child was on his way home from school when he was in a car accident. We had to take care of two children and go to work, and my husband and I were busy all the time.

While the kids were in the hospital and recovering at home, we had more chances to spend time together and communicate. As a result, my teenage eldest child and my wife and I, as well as the second child, have become much more harmonious.

The eldest child used to feel that the birth of the second child had taken away his parents' love, so he didn't like the second child and ignored my husband and me, feeling that we ignored his existence. After his injury, my husband and I took care of him and kept him company, and the second child asked after him and cared for him. He knew that not only had his parents' love for him not diminished, but the second child also loved him.

In my original family, I was the neglected child, introverted, and lacking in self-confidence. So after having my own children, I decided I wouldn't let my kids go through what I did, and I loved my eldest child dearly.

The truth is that too much is too much, especially after the birth of the second child. Because there was not enough energy, there was less care for the eldest child, which led to resentment from the eldest child towards the second child and the two of us. It can be said that out of misfortune comes good fortune. While recovering from his injury, our relationship had the opportunity to be repaired.

Since there's more time working from home, my usually busy spouse also has more time to spend with the kids. He chats with the eldest child about football and plays games with the second child. It's clear that the kids' relationship with their spouse is much closer than before.

It's not enough to just keep your love to yourself and give it silently. You have to show it too. This isn't just sentimentality. It's about strengthening the bond between family members. The "five languages of love" should be arranged immediately.

Today's questions don't require me to answer, but to reflect on how my family will interact in 2022. This is also a kind of self-care for sorting out relationships.

My family and I have different jobs. We work well at our jobs and help each other out online when we can.

My husband and son both tested positive for the virus. We encouraged each other on WeChat, sharing advice on symptoms and how to deal with them. My husband is now recovering at home under my care. My son has some nasal congestion, so I told him to gargle with warm salt water and use a cotton swab to clean his nasal passages. This can reduce swelling and also has a disinfecting effect. I also have a low-grade fever and fatigue, but I'm drinking plenty of water, supplementing protein and vitamins, getting plenty of rest, and listening to some positive thinking exercises. My physical symptoms have disappeared, and I will go to work normally tomorrow.

2. My biological family: my father was a teacher and my mother a factory worker. I was the youngest and my father loved me. I was never beaten or scolded as a child, and I was very sensible and well-behaved. I have always had a close relationship with my parents, and they are still very much in love with each other. They live on the same floor and rarely argue. I understand that I have a secure attachment to my family. My relationship with my husband is also based on mutual communication and understanding. We express our feelings and talk about everything. Our son is also very stable in our family. We have never worried about him, but just followed his lead and supported him!

3. Our siblings get along well. Every year on our parents' birthdays, we get together to wish them a happy birthday. For each of our parents' birthdays, we also send red envelopes with blessings in the family group chat. Even during this pandemic, we still express our feelings in WeChat. My mother has also learned to use WeChat. When the flowers she is growing bloom, she will take photos of them and post them in the group chat for everyone to share. When I'm supporting them from afar, I also video chat with my parents every day. Seeing that I'm eating well, in a good mood, and happy every day, my parents are happy.

4. This year, I also lost my mother-in-law. She was 83 and had been bedridden at home for ten years. My father-in-law passed away in 2003. We hired a nanny to take care of the elderly for nearly ten years. In the end, my mother-in-law passed away in May. I have been helping my husband (who has only one sister) and dealing with family matters, allowing him to slowly come out of the pain of losing a loved one.

5. In October, I also lost my eldest brother. He was 60 when he was diagnosed with terminal liver cancer. He had treatments, but it was not enough. I felt guilty for not noticing it sooner. I saw him waste away, and it was the end of his life. He could not eat or sleep, and he was in pain. Even when he was in the hospital, everyone was trying their best. I still wish him well in heaven, where there is no illness or pain. He will watch over us from heaven!

2022 was a year of many experiences, including the pandemic, separation, joy, and hope. In the new year, I hope we can live in peace with the virus and live a normal life. I also hope my extended family, including my parents, will be healthy and can do tai chi while my mother exercises, chats with the elderly, plays chess with friends, and lives happily. My son can pursue his career and make some good friends.

My husband is working well and is healthy. I continue to learn and use my profession to help visitors.

Good day, Topic Master.

As a healer, I am pleased to continue contributing to discussions and sharing insights. In fact, I referenced the following issue in Chapter 6 but did not break it down into individual modules. 2022 presents unique challenges for many families. It is unclear whether we will face the public in dazzling clothes or avoid it and end up with a mess. Our goal is to find the best way to navigate these challenges. Because love and hatred are both driven by reasons, we must understand them to find solutions.

1. Family atmosphere and bonding:

Due to the special circumstances this year, my family members and I, especially during this period of time when we were confined at home, have established a sense of "community." However, this has also led to some conflicts in family issues. We have become accustomed to reserving our good temper for strangers we don't know, but reserving our bad temper for those who care about us. The underlying issue is our own state of mind. When we are in a good mood, we tend to ignore the bad things. Even if we are facing something bad, we can still resolve it positively. However, when we are in a bad mood or when negativity from a messed-up life surrounds us, we will also affect the good things and unconsciously hurt each other. Although we will regret and blame ourselves afterwards, we have formed a habitual way of thinking.

2. Transcending the original family:

I am concerned that the impact of my original family on my childhood will take a lifetime to make up for. I was born into a single-parent family environment. When I was very young, I did not feel that love had a great impact on my handling of relationships. However, as I gradually grew up, got married, started a career, and educated my children, I realized that there would actually be a bit of a lack of character, such as poor patience and weak empathy. The negative impact on myself is mainly reflected in my lack of composure, impulsiveness, and a tendency to think in simplistic ways to deal with everything, which leads to results that are not ideal. I am aware of my shortcomings and I am committed to improving myself through more effective ways, such as letting go of hatred, reconciling with the past, etc.

3. Family Conflicts and Imbalances:

Furthermore, as a result of personal growth and maturation, there have been minimal issues in this area. I have developed the ability to communicate in a measured and constructive manner, while also maintaining a healthy distance from interpersonal conflicts.

There were no conflicts or disagreements with family members during the past year.

2. There were no disagreements or conflicts with the partner's parents.

4. Establishing clear boundaries:

1) This year, I have assumed a greater emotional burden than I was originally prepared to carry, assumed a role that was not originally mine, and confused the expectations of family members with my own wishes. I believe that many people or many family members have felt this way. The key to a successful marriage is tolerance. It is sufficient to do what you believe is right; after all, family is not a place for reasoning. For a loved one, it is a matter of principle, and for children, it is a matter of teaching by example.

(2) As a result of the open-mindedness of both sets of parents and their respect for our choices, this year, my partner and I have been able to avoid undue interference from our families of origin in our marriage and family.

5. Upbringing and Education:

1) There is a clear understanding between you and your partner of your respective roles and responsibilities in raising your child. My role is to shape a complete character and interests, while the mother's role and responsibilities are to provide spiritual support to the child.

(2) This year, I have been able to maintain a satisfactory relationship with my child, and we are making gradual progress in repairing the damage caused by recent events. However, my child is now displaying more independent thinking and acting in opposition to my guidance. To address this, I will focus on listening to my child's innermost thoughts.

6. Plans for the Coming Year:

In 2023, I aim to enhance my ability to assist myself and others in addressing these concerns, and to empower not only family members but also individuals.

1. Family atmosphere and bonding: Have you and your family members had a chance to develop a good sense of community this year? If not, no worries! We can figure out what went wrong together.

During the late December period of the solar term, our family of eight came together in a beautiful way. It was a subtle shift, and it was unlike anything we'd experienced before. Now, our family dynamic is similar to before, but with a wonderful newfound tolerance and less energy spent arguing about right and wrong. Instead of arguing about right and wrong, we've created a harmonious atmosphere.

2. Beyond the original family: Has your relationship with your original family improved, or has it been negatively affected?

I'm happy to say that there were no major conflicts with my biological family. There were a few minor issues, but I've let them go and I'm at peace with everything.

1) I can see that there's no way to blame my parents for many problems. In an era without the internet, they made what was, at the time, one of the best choices they could make with their level of knowledge.

2) I've come to realize that many of life's challenges are actually reflections of our inner selves, rather than being problems that should be blamed on our parents. After all, we're already in our middle years, and it's long past the time when we should be responsible for ourselves and our own families.

3) I don't have any demands on my parents now. Originally, they were in their 70s and still came every two weeks to help me with the baby, which was quite difficult. So I just hope that they stay healthy and live a few more years, and I don't have any other demands. I'm so grateful to them for all they've done!

3. Family conflicts and imbalances:

1) Have there been any conflicts or disagreements with family members this year? We'd love to know what the reasons were!

2) (Not applicable to unmarried individuals) We'd love to know if you had any disagreements or conflicts with your partner's parents!

A few years ago during the Spring Festival, we were at my in-laws for the New Year. We had a bit of a disagreement, which was really quite surprising!

Anyway, that day my husband and I were going to take his brother's car back to Huzhou in the evening, and the two kids had agreed to stay at Grandma's for another week before going back. When Grandma saw that her younger brother's fingernails hadn't been cut, she kindly asked me to cut them for him. But my husband's brother didn't want to, and my husband's father said that you shouldn't cut your fingernails at night, so I didn't.

So my mother-in-law said, "Oh, that's nonsense! She doesn't do anything and she wants to leave…"

Oh dear, this is all getting a bit much!

It feels a bit like an unfortunate hiccup.

I hadn't said anything yet, but my husband jumped up and told my mother-in-law to watch what she said. Well, that was the start of it! My mother-in-law started ranting, saying that she had given up her own time to help us with the kids and that we resented her. (I never resented her, and I think she had a hard time too, but I don't think she ever got it.) In the end, she said she didn't want to take care of the kids anymore.

Then my husband also got a little upset and said that if we weren't going, we weren't going, and immediately told the kids to pack their bags and go back to his that night.

The day after that was my birthday, and I had been hoping for a romantic evening for two, but it turned out to be a celebration for four. My husband bought a cake, which was really sweet, but I felt quite disheartened eating it.

I really don't understand it. From the outside, it looks like a close-knit family with a good temper, but when they fight, they don't care about anyone, especially my mother-in-law. She says whatever she likes and always feels like the whole world owes her and that she is always right.

My mom was a huge help with childcare for the next six months!

4. It's so important to establish a sense of boundaries.

1) This year, have you taken on too many family emotions/played roles that are not yours/confused the expectations of family members with your own desires? We all get caught up in family dynamics sometimes!

2) (Just a heads-up, this doesn't apply to you if you're not married.) Has your family of origin been too involved in your married life this year?

It's so obvious! I feel that the conflict between my mother-in-law and my daughter-in-law is actually a parent-child conflict, and I've actually become the fuse. No matter how much my mother-in-law and my son argue, she'll quickly forgive my husband, even if he never apologizes.

The mother-in-law always thinks her husband is too busy, too tired, and too thrifty to be taken care of. She also thinks that her influence causes her husband to argue with her and disrespect her.

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My inner thoughts: Oh, I'm just a scapegoat, poor me! It's a bit of a tussle between a loving mother who is just a bit worried about her middle-aged son and an intermediate son who doesn't want to be controlled and always wants to stand out.

In essence, it's a mutual feeling of distrust between mother and son. The mother-in-law has her doubts about her son's ability to live a good life, and the son is unsure about trusting his mother-in-law's opinions.

Oh, yes, and the mother-in-law just loves to assert her presence! It might be related to the fact that she was the second child and was allegedly not well treated by her mother when she was young.

Whenever we ask our younger brother something, we're really just trying to test him a bit, but the mother-in-law always answers first. And whenever we're teaching the kids, the mother-in-law often adds her own comments, which is great because it means she's really interested in what we're doing and wants to help.

And then there's the second child, who is being brought up by the in-laws. The eldest child is being brought up by the grandparents, so they always favor the second child and always think that I don't like the second child and treat him badly. It's so sad!

Sometimes I really want to cry, but I just don't have any tears left!

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Oh, there's not much I can say! You can't say anything bad about her, though. She's quite capable and has looked after your children for several years. But it seems that she never sees anything good in me. So now I've basically given up. I've come to terms with the crux of the problem, so now I rarely argue back. I'll let my husband go dance with his mother!

5. Child-rearing and education (not applicable to those who have not yet had children):

1) It would be great to know if you and your partner have clear roles and responsibilities when it comes to raising your child.

2) I'd love to hear how your relationship with your child is going this year! Have there been any challenges, and if so, how did you work through them?

I think it's important to have a division of labor. I usually play the role of the stern parent, while my husband is more lenient and sticks to the rules.

For my eldest child's education and training, I was in charge during class, but now he's all grown up and basically relies on himself; after school, he takes care of math and piano, and I take care of English.

My second little one still needs my help with reading.

If the relationship with the children is relatively harmonious, the usual problem is that they get a little too rowdy, and I can't help but lose my cool and yell at them. The main reason for this is still my ability to control my emotions in the moment, but I feel that I have improved a lot.

I think it might be because I've seen a few hiccups between my husband and my mother-in-law, and there are two boys in the family, so I usually give them a pretty big degree of freedom, which probably helps avoid a lot of conflicts.

6. Next year's plan:

Let's chat about your goals and plans for the coming year in response to the above key points and issues identified!

Next year or the year after, I'd love to be able to help out the elderly. Either I'll take care of the baby myself, or I'll find an aunt to cook dinner for us and give the elderly a break!

When it comes to childcare, it's best to keep things as they are and build on the great work both parents are already doing!

Over the past year, the entire family system has been pretty turbulent and unstable. The root cause of the family's disharmony is the intimate relationship.

"Love is blind" adds a footnote: I'm too idealistic and haven't learned to discuss our expectations of each other in a calm manner. We tend to blame more and more, and intimacy needs to be cultivated and created together.

2. When it comes to our original family, we both fall into the category of people who lack love and attention and have high emotional needs. When both parties are lacking and unable to give each other what they need, the intensity of the intimate relationship escalates again.

3. A healthy family should have three structural characteristics: clear boundaries, a hierarchical structure, and flexibility. Happy families always try to balance intimate and distant relationships, which helps ensure personal freedom and mutual support, and respects each other's differences.

None. Also, there's a power hierarchy in a healthy family. Influential parents connect with their kids based on an unquestionable position of authority. This can lead to family imbalance, and part of the reason is the struggle for power between the husband and wife, and between parents and children.

4. Try to set some boundaries and avoid getting too involved with your spouse and kids. From the family structure model, it's clear that there are some intimacy issues, which have led to a somewhat tangled mother-child relationship and an estranged father-child relationship. Work on transforming the intimacy and improving the parent-child relationship.

5. Be open about the lack of intimacy, accept each other's differences, adapt to each other's ways of behaving, see each other's needs, and let the absent father return and the anxious mother return!

1. Family atmosphere and connection:

The situation today is markedly different, with a child taking the high school entrance exam at home. The persistent anxiety and confusion about the exam ultimately led to a minor health issue before the exam.

After a medical examination, I followed the doctor's advice and took steps to prioritize my own well-being. I recognized that each child has their own unique life. Following this, I implemented changes in numerous areas.

I adjusted my expectations, revised my short-term objectives, and shifted my focus from my children to other priorities. Despite initially feeling helpless, I found that my relationship with my children gradually improved, leading to a reduction in arguments. I was even able to watch TV dramas with them, which was previously unfeasible.

It is acknowledged that there is still some way to go before a good "sense of community" is achieved. However, the first step has been taken, and it is believed that lowering expectations may be the simplest and most effective way forward.

2. Transcending the original family:

In conclusion, I consider myself fortunate. My original family had no negative impact on me. Both of my parents were hardworking and thrifty, and they instilled these values in me. Despite occasional disagreements, they always resolved them amicably. In my generation, my parents did not prioritize my academic performance, but I still performed well in school and later in my career.

In comparison to my children, I was unduly strict with them, particularly prior to my illness. Fortunately, I had the chance to rectify this. I am extremely grateful to my biological family and parents.

3. Family conflicts and imbalances:

There were frequent disagreements with family members this year, largely due to differing approaches to child-rearing.

However, with the conclusion of the middle school entrance exam and my illness, circumstances have changed. It is not productive to scold children. Adolescent children should be permitted to experiment with different approaches, given the time and resources available to them. This is something I have recently come to understand.

It is not always possible for children to comply with their parents' wishes. A child who displays good behaviour is not necessarily an ideal candidate, while a child who is disobedient may have more innovative ideas. Now that our children have their own ideas at school and at home, we will convene a family meeting to present the facts, engage in reasoned debate, discuss the optimal solution, and reach a consensus.

This approach was similarly ineffective in our family in the past, resulting in prolonged disagreements with no resolution. However, we have now identified a more constructive way forward.

4. Establishing clear boundaries:

1) In terms of maintaining boundaries, I have identified instances where I have overstepped them, particularly within the domestic sphere. A family with three distinct units is more stable. Upon reflection, I have frequently crossed boundaries intentionally or unintentionally. For instance, I have intervened between my husband and children, which has disrupted their natural dynamics. It is essential to maintain a balance between their individual approaches to interaction. I have realized that I do not need to assume responsibility for everything. In other words, I have conflated the expectations of other members with my personal preferences.

I am aware of this and maintain a good balance between the three sides of the family.

2. Fortunately, my partner and I do not have a situation where our respective families excessively interfere with our married family.

5. Upbringing and Education (Not Applicable if You Are Not Yet a Parent):

1) With regard to child-rearing, my partner and I have clearly defined roles and responsibilities. However, in practice, we occasionally diverge from this established structure. For instance, our domestic division of labor is that I am responsible for educational matters and my husband is responsible for matters pertaining to daily life.

However, in practice, there are always some complex issues that require discussion and negotiation between the two parties before a decision can be made. Previously, decisions were made based on subjective feelings without discussion. Now that our child is getting older, we discuss everything face-to-face, identify the best solution, and then implement it.

The advantage of regular family meetings is that they facilitate idea exchange, relationship strengthening, and problem resolution.

2) Please describe the status of your relationship with your child this year, including any challenges that have arisen and how they have been addressed.

The first half of the year presented significant challenges, but the second half saw a notable improvement after I refocused my attention away from my physical issues. My experience has been that if you do not target her, she will naturally change over time.

It is important to note that change is not a unilateral process. I have found that adding a new member to the family can be an effective strategy. For example, my family has added a new member at the request of my child—a cute cat.

Since the kitten came to live with us, there has been a notable shift in focus and a notable improvement in family atmosphere.

6. Plans for the Coming Year:

There is a great deal I would like to discuss regarding 2022, including numerous experiences I have had. By the end of the year, I had become somewhat more accustomed to Western ways. However, we must conclude this topic for now.

If all goes well, I will continue to 2023; if not, I will end up in 2022. 2023 is just a few days away. My plan is to read a few books, take a couple of trips, complete the training I have been doing, and improve my relationship with my family and children.

In conclusion, I would like to extend my best wishes for good health and happiness to my family and friends.

Hello, I'm Look.

✅ Sense of community

The feeling of community is called "social interest," which means "concern for society." The smallest unit of society in sociology is "you and me." As long as there are two people, there will be society and a sense of community.

I feel this way with my family, for example, when we have dinner together or play with the kids.

✅ Move beyond your original family

Psychologist Erik Erikson said that when you become an adult, you have to complete your own personal growth, but you also have to fix the things you lacked because of childhood trauma. That way, you can become a more complete person.

By the time I reached 30, I had learned and grown a lot, and I was able to see the negative impact of my original family in a different light.

Now that I have my own family, I can see how challenging it can be.

✅ Conflict

From time to time, I have a difference of opinion with my wife about child-rearing.

The arguments usually come down to milk powder brands and how much to feed at a meal.

Ultimately, both parties discuss and agree on the plan, generally taking the wife's opinion into account.

I've got a good sense of boundaries.

One challenge we've faced is managing conflicts between my mother-in-law and my wife.

Sometimes parents get involved in childcare, and there's communication afterwards. In the end, we're in charge.

✅ Child-rearing

In terms of raising kids, I'm the one who's responsible for their education, while my wife handles their upbringing.

I've got a great relationship with my child this year. Toddlers are easy to please, and I'm able to give them plenty of attention and care.

✅ Plan

To manage the household effectively

Make time to play with your kids.

Dear questioner, I'm so excited to share how my family relationships will be in 2022!

1. Family atmosphere and bonding:

I'm so excited to hear how your family has developed a good sense of community this year!

This year, our nuclear family has been absolutely amazing! We're all happy every single day. Grandma's main tasks are to grow vegetables and raise chickens, do some exercise every day, eat, and go to bed at the right time. Dad is responsible for taking care of the bees he raises at home, fertilizing some of the family's cash crops, and occasionally going out to do odd jobs. Mom is responsible for nagging and going to work. My brother is responsible for working away from home to earn money, and he will come back for the New Year. Whenever he has time, he will call us on video. And I am everyone's happy pill, responsible for being happy every day, making everyone happy, and then going to work hard, and taking charge of cooking after work or on weekends. We might have some minor conflicts, but they don't affect our amazing relationship!

In short, the family atmosphere is absolutely amazing! It's like everyone has a specific task, and everything is progressing in an orderly manner. Each member is independent and autonomous.

When problems or difficulties arise, they will communicate in a timely manner and seek help, while also sharing in a timely manner. It's so great that they're there for each other! For example, I will share some interesting things that happened at work today, some sad things, etc., and they will give encouragement, comfort, and support.

This is the amazing power of family!

2. Family conflicts and imbalances:

1) Have there been any conflicts/disagreements with family members this year? What were the reasons?

The latest argument I had with my grandmother was about the weather being so cold, and why she wasn't using the mattress she bought. At the time, I was really confused. I was already feeling cold, and I was already using a thick mattress, but why didn't my grandmother want to use it? It was such an interesting conversation! Later, when I offered to help her put it on, she was very reluctant and even got angry with me.

I want the absolute best for her!

I did it for her own good, and I'm so happy I did!

Later, I thought for a long time about why I had to ask her to do it. I just had to make sure she knew whether she was cold or not!

Absolutely! Caring can be confusing. We always think we're doing what's best for you, but sometimes we're just imposing our own wishes on others. "Do unto others as you would have them do unto you."

3. It's time to establish a sense of boundaries!

1) This year, have you ever taken on too many family emotions/played a role that is not yours/confused the expectations of family members with your own wishes?

Take the job search after graduation this year as an example. As my parents, they were really hoping that I would find a less stressful job that would not be tiring. For example, they were really hoping that I would actively prepare for the teacher exam. But then my choice did not go as expected, and I chose to work at the grassroots level in the township government, which has been a really exciting opportunity!

At first, they said, "This is their idea, but you get to decide whether to listen or not and what choice to make is up to you."

I need to express my views and thoughts, and I say you can choose not to listen, while you can have your own thoughts and choices. And that's great!

So, we respect each other and are independent of each other, which is great!

4. Plans for the Coming Year:

In view of the above points and problems identified, I am really excited to see what the coming year will bring! I hope that in the coming year: the family will continue to maintain a harmonious and happy atmosphere, supporting each other but remaining independent; the family will be happy and joyful;

On the one hand, we learn to respect each other and not to do unto others what we would not have them do unto us. What we think is "for your own good" may not really be for the other person's good, or what the other person wants. If the other person doesn't want it, we don't force it on them.

On the other hand, we should absolutely insist on our independence and be a person with ideas! We should take responsibility for our own choices and actions.

1. Family atmosphere and connection: Please describe the level of community established between you and your family members this year. If there are any issues, please provide details.

As a newlywed, I am gradually adapting to the nuances of married life. Initially, I found it challenging to adjust to the new dynamic. I felt like we were two independent individuals, and I drew a clear line to maintain boundaries. However, as I reflect on my personal growth, I realize that my husband and I are gradually becoming a unified family unit. Despite this progress, I still face occasional challenges in fully trusting my spouse.

2. Moving beyond the original family unit: Has the core relationship with the original family/the negative impact on you improved?

Since getting married this year, I have noticed a strengthening of my connection with my parents, as well as an increased appreciation for their selflessness and love for their daughter. I have even initiated discussions with my mother about my feelings in my marriage. It seems that I am also attempting to comprehend my mother's marital challenges. My apprehensions about marriage in recent months appear to have originated from my upbringing within my original family. As I delve deeper into my childhood and familial history, I am also confronting my own concerns and insecurities. I believe that observation is the initial step towards transformation. There is a possibility of improvement, or it may unfold gradually in the future.

3. Family Conflicts and Imbalances:

1) Have there been any conflicts or disagreements with family members this year? Please describe the circumstances and reasons for these occurrences.

2) Please indicate whether disagreements or conflicts have arisen between you and your partner's parents.

I have found this year to be particularly challenging in terms of understanding the boundaries of this family relationship. As an only child, I have also experienced my parents' over-involvement in my emotional relationships. I have been deeply involved, struggled, and balanced, and have finally managed to come out of it. I have made significant progress in my relationship with my original family, and we have all become independent.

Given the aforementioned background, I entered into marriage with the expectation of starting a family with my husband. I had hoped that we could prioritize our own family. However, my husband has an older brother, and my husband has expressed a desire to repay his parents for their kindness and for what his brother has done for him. This has caused me concern, as I am reluctant to become overly involved in my husband's family. It appears that as his wife, I am unable to avoid becoming involved in his family.

This has led to a sense of disappointment in my marriage, particularly in recent months. His brother's frequent requests to borrow my car and my in-laws' occasional requests for financial assistance, especially given my recent lack of income, have contributed to this sentiment. I am uncertain about the future of my marriage and have even considered ending it.

4. Establishing clear boundaries:

1) This year, have you assumed an excessive number of family responsibilities, assumed roles that are not your own, or confused the expectations of family members with your own desires?

2) (This question is not applicable to unmarried individuals.) During the past year, have you and your partner encountered significant interference from your partner's family in your marriage and family matters?

Due to concerns about my husband's family, I am reluctant to return to my mother-in-law's house. Recently, my husband's grandmother passed away, necessitating a visit. Upon returning, I found my concerns intensifying. My husband's brother was again controlling my car, which made me uneasy. I was worried that we might have to share the funeral expenses. This fear had already overshadowed my ability to properly mourn the deceased. As I was writing the previous paragraph, I realized that my apprehension about being involved with my original family stems from three key factors. First, I have a personal history with my original family. Second, I believe that my husband and I are a unified entity, and I feel the need to be deeply involved in all of his endeavors, even to the point of excessive worrying. Third, I unconsciously feel responsible for providing financial stability for our family, which causes me significant distress when we lack funds. I had not realized that in this year of marriage, I have shifted from drawing a clear line in the past to becoming overbearing in the present. It is evident that I need to reassess my role.

Following a significant disagreement between my husband and me, I expressed my long-standing negative emotions and concerns. We discussed the cause of the disagreement and potential solutions, which lasted the entire day. The next day, I observed a shift in my attitude towards my in-laws. When I removed the barriers of fear, I saw that my brother was actively involved in managing the family's affairs. My mother-in-law was occupied but still inquired about my comfort and nutrition. My father-in-law requested a very inexpensive pair of cotton pants and stated his preference for a more expensive pair for winter. I recognized that my father-in-law genuinely cared for my mother-in-law. He also encouraged us to converse with him and agreed with our plan to visit my parents' house for the New Year, which would avoid any potential issues related to mourning and ensure safety during travel. I observed a high level of care and understanding from an elder. When we were nearing the grave, I once again recited the Lord's Prayer with the elders. I saw numerous saints emerge and bestow blessings upon my grandmother. In the afternoon, we accompanied my brother and his wife to the Mercedes-Benz 4S store to view vehicles.

We assisted them in calculating the price and negotiating the terms of the sale. On that day,

6. Next year's plan: In light of the aforementioned key points and identified problems, please discuss your goals and plans for the coming year.

I believe that I have already undergone a transformation in my approach to marriage. Over the past few months or even a year, I have been overwhelmed by my fear of marriage, and my mind is full of negativity and disappointment. I am reluctant to make any forward or backward movements. Next year, I hope that I can face my fears and my desires head-on. I believe that these will give me a great deal of strength and hope.

My objective is to effectively manage my own family unit and cultivate the capacity to love and support a larger number of individuals.

Hello, Topic Jun!

I'm a gentle person and I have great relationships with my family members, so my two children are very close to me. I don't have a mother-in-law, so I don't have any conflicts with her.

My father-in-law is a man of few words, but I always treat him with the utmost respect because I see him every day.

I come from a really happy family with a brother. My dad and brother are both so handsome and kind to me. They're the perfect examples of what a good man looks like!

My mother has a short temper, but she is very capable and could be described as a strong woman of the 1980s. My brother and I are so lucky to have had her as our mom!

My father is such a sweetheart. He has a very good temper, and his personality complements that of my mother's perfectly. My mother is older and tends to nag a lot, but she's just so sweet about it. Whether she's nagging my father or not, he treats her nagging as if she were singing.

So I have also learned to be like my father. If I go to my parents' house, I will patiently listen to my mother's nagging until she runs out of things to say. I am in my forties, but in my parents' eyes I am still a child.

If I get sick, my parents are even more nervous than I am. For example, last week when I got sick, my parents were so sweet. They asked me every day how I was feeling, and my father even asked me what I wanted to eat and bought it for me!

I was so touched, I could've cried! There's a saying: When you're sick, human nature shows itself, and you'll see who loves you the most.

This year, I feel like I've taken on a lot of the emotional burden that should be shared by my family. First, my dear grandfather was hospitalized, and sadly, none of his three daughters came to visit him.

And his eldest daughter not only neglects to take care of her father, but also talks back. I originally didn't have any opinion of her, but after my father-in-law was hospitalized twice, I learned about their attitude. I no longer do as they say as I used to, and I have set boundaries with them. Also, this year, because my mother was sick and had to be hospitalized, she was in a bad mood. She felt that I was a daughter who married someone else and had a son, which was better.

I feel a little sad when she says that. I guess it's because I'm the one who's always there for them. Whenever my parents feel unwell, I'm the one who takes them to the hospital.

My brother works away from home and rarely comes home, and my father says that I've taken on the role of a son. I'm really grateful to be able to be filial enough to my parents, but I do feel bad when my mother says things.

My father says that my mother is a sweetheart with a bit of a sharp tongue, and that I shouldn't take her words to heart. I also understand my mother. I've known her like this since I was little, and she needs to let off steam too.

I've learned to listen to my mother's nagging, and it's been a real eye-opener!

In terms of child-rearing, I do almost everything, from feeding and bathing to helping with homework, because my husband and I are a weekend couple. I have a great relationship with my children, and we don't spoil them. We respect each other a lot!

The kids tell me they're happy because I have time for them, and it makes me so happy to hear that!

I don't have any specific plans for the coming year. I just want to live each day to the fullest! I'm embracing the ups and downs of life with an open mind.

"Memoirs of 2022," Chapter 6

I recall a book written by Jin Yunrong, entitled "Do You Want Happiness or Right and Wrong?," which posits that marriage requires "wits and courage" and that no happy relationship is without its challenges.

The relationship with family members and the influence of the original family

There were also frequent conflicts in my family, and the topics were invariably the upbringing and education of the children, and whether our respective approaches to education were right or wrong. We often engaged in repetitive discussions on the same topics, which resulted in a lack of laughter in the family. The underlying causes of this situation were largely attributed to the influence of our respective original families.

His parents divorced before he was born, and then they each formed new families and provided him with inconsistent care. He grew up without a stable home, residing with his aunt one day and his uncle the next. He exchanged manual labor for food and temporary shelter. It can be said that his childhood was severely lacking in love and a sense of security. This raises the question: what is paternal love? How do you love your own child? He was not taught these things. Instead, he experienced beatings and scoldings from his biological father and stepfather.

Despite the love and support of my biological family, I was the youngest child and perceived as unnecessary due to my neglect. My father was frequently absent, and my mother and sister were both highly independent. I attempted to assert myself by excelling in school, but was often criticized for my efforts. The most common feedback I received was "you're stupid," which led to the development of an inferior, weak, and timid personality, as well as social isolation.

When we first married, we lacked the skills to manage our marriage effectively. We each believed we were right and the other was wrong, leading to frequent arguments over trivial matters. However, after he relocated abroad to save money for my child's operation, we found that distance can foster growth in a relationship. Over time, we learned to support each other and understand each other better.

My husband and I have a clearly defined division of labor when it comes to raising our child. Given that he is employed away from home year-round, I am primarily responsible for his daily life, meals, and various tutoring and parent-teacher meetings. He is solely focused on earning money to support the family. However, the child's frequent medical procedures due to illness have affected his academic performance. I, along with the teacher, employed a "high-pressure educational approach" to address the child's needs, leading to the formation of a pattern where the child exhibited rebellious behavior due to the absence of a consistent parental figure.

Despite providing our child with a freestyle education and maintaining a friendly relationship with him during his younger years, the onset of puberty led to a shift in his thinking. This resulted in heated discussions within the family regarding matters such as lifting epidemic restrictions and the option of studying or working abroad. On occasion, our child would present such compelling arguments that I would be silenced and moved to tears.

However, with the assistance of various family education courses and self-reflection, I have gradually learned to allow, accept, and let go. It is not feasible to provide my child with unwavering support indefinitely; he will have to navigate numerous challenges independently. Instead of reiterating what is right, it is more beneficial for him to develop an understanding of right and wrong through experience.

Overall, this year has been a productive one in terms of fostering a positive and collaborative relationship with my family members. We have collectively come to recognize the value of prioritizing relationships over strict adherence to right and wrong.

The objective is to establish clear boundaries.

Previously, I was frequently subjected to criticism from my parents. My husband, on the other hand, often returned from work after I had been occupied with family matters and other responsibilities. Consequently, he assumed a disproportionate share of the emotional burden typically associated with my family, assuming roles that were not originally his and facing injustices that were not his responsibility. With the subsequent passing of my parents, however, the conflicts between us and my original family gradually diminished over time.

With regard to my in-laws, given their considerable distance from our location, my parents and sisters assumed responsibility for all matters pertaining to my upbringing and that of my child from the time I entered into matrimony until the birth of our child. They refrained from any undue interference. Based on my husband's recollections of his childhood, I have formed a negative impression of his parents. They have no legitimate claim to interfere in my marriage and family. It should be noted that both his biological father and stepfather have passed away.

However, his mother consistently expresses negative sentiments about his sister-in-law in the presence of his older brother, resulting in frequent disagreements between them. His older brother recently suffered a stroke and is currently in a coma. This leads me to believe that she is exploiting her advanced age and failing to prioritize the well-being of her children's marriages and families. Fortunately, we live a considerable distance from them, which minimizes the frequency of conflicts with the mother-in-law.

The following are the plans for the coming year:

If a meeting is to take place across the street, there is no meeting across the country. My partner and I are originally from different regions, and we have the good fortune to have met and formed a family of three. Despite the challenges and disagreements that have arisen, we have learned to value each other, understand and tolerate each other. Our plan for the future is to treasure the people in front of us and make the most of every day.

#Memoirs of the Time 2022, Chapter 6: Please describe the state of your family relationships this year. 1. Family atmosphere and connection.

Family relationships are analogous to crops. If the soil is too dry or too wet, the crops will not grow. If the soil is too dry, it must be watered in a timely manner, and while watering, attention must be paid to fertilizing and pest control. If the soil is too wet, it must be drained and the soil loosened.

It is essential that both my husband and I maintain good family relationships. Our children have grown up, and we are gradually getting used to the idea of them moving out of our sight and finding their own way in the world. We occasionally provide them with an umbrella when it is raining. 2. Overcome the limitations of the original family structure. Different backgrounds will affect the way we do things, our attitude towards life, and how we treat people. Overcoming the limitations of the original family structure requires the joint efforts of both husband and wife.

It is important to consider the potential influence of the original family. While our origins are beyond our control, we can take steps to improve our understanding of the present. By gradually erasing our edges in life, we can become more rounded and closer to each other. This increased familiarity allows us to anticipate each other's actions with greater accuracy. This is an example of tacit understanding.

My husband is a former soldier, and in his words, I am the person he can rely on in the event of a conflict. 3. Family conflicts and imbalances.

My husband's parents and my mother have all passed away, and only my father is still alive. Perhaps my husband is the eldest son at home, so the whole family spoils him, but he doesn't really know how to consider his family. For example, once, when my father was there, I fried eight sole fish, and my husband ate five of them alone. When he was about to pick up the sixth, I stopped him in time. He even said with justification, "I let Dad eat it, but Dad said he didn't like it."

Subsequently, incremental modifications commenced. 4. A demarcation of boundaries was implemented.

Originally, two individuals who were previously unfamiliar with one another came together to cohabitate. However, following the dissolution of the romantic relationship, the dynamic shifted significantly. Both parties sought to assume a dominant role within the family unit and exercise control over decision-making processes. This resulted in frequent disagreements and a deepening of emotional distress.

When we were unable to reach an agreement, we adopted an international practice and engaged in peaceful negotiations to determine which treaties we would abide by, what to do if they were violated, and how to make reparations. After several roundtable meetings, we were finally able to reach a resolution.

There are no absolute rights or wrongs within the family unit, and the key objective is to achieve peaceful coexistence. 5. Support and education.

Before we were aware, our child had matured, and we are no longer the primary source of protection. In the future, we will become the ones seeking protection. We have transitioned to a new phase with different challenges. We are coping well, and our child is exhibiting some anxiety. With a positive attitude and a light touch, we have effectively managed the severe symptoms and have returned to work after recovery.

6. Plans for the coming year: We will continue to allow our children the freedom and lifestyle they have become accustomed to, while providing assistance within our capabilities when needed. We will gradually transition into a more mature phase of life, confronting reality and adjusting our pace of living.

1. Family atmosphere and bonding:

Could I ask whether you and your family members have had the opportunity to develop a good sense of community this year? If not, I would be very interested to hear what might have gone wrong.

I believe there may be some areas where we could improve. In the past, our family was primarily focused on the children's needs. However, this year, after dedicating more attention to my personal growth and that of my husband, we have become more unified and are better equipped to embrace the changes our children are going through as they grow.

2. Beyond the original family:

Could I ask whether the relationship with your family of origin has improved?

I believe my relationship with my family of origin is a source of admiration for many people. Perhaps it is because I am in my middle years that I can appreciate the challenges my parents have faced. This year, we have maintained a close connection, offering each other care and support.

3. Family Conflicts and Imbalances:

1) Could I ask if there have been any disagreements with family members this year? If so, what were the reasons?

2) (Unmarried people do not need to write) Could you kindly share whether you and your partner's parents have had any disagreements or conflicts?

I don't recall any significant disagreements, mostly regarding minor issues in life. Typically, these discussions conclude with me conceding to the other person's point of view. It appears that I tend to prioritize being accommodating in every situation, although at times, I do feel a bit overwhelmed.

4. It would be beneficial to establish some boundaries.

1) This year, have you perhaps taken on too many family emotions, played roles that are not your own, or confused the expectations of family members with your own wishes?

2) (Unmarried people do not need to write this) Could I ask you to reflect on whether, this year, you and your partner have found that your family of origin has become too involved in your married life?

It is worth noting that the child has always faced certain challenges, and I may be more conflicted about establishing the appropriate boundaries with him. When faced with the reality of overwhelming pressure, I tend to make quick decisions, which my in-laws, who are getting older, may not fully appreciate. I often find myself acting as the more mature party to coordinate the relationship, but I also look for opportunities to clarify that, while I have certain expectations that have not yet been fully met, there have also been some positive changes.

5. Parenting and education (not applicable to those who are not parenting):

1) Could I ask whether you and your partner have a clear understanding of your respective roles and responsibilities in raising your child?

(2) Could you please share how your relationship with your child has been this year? Were there any challenges or issues that arose, and if so, how did you and your child work through them?

My partner tends to avoid this aspect of things, and his own personal emotions are also very unstable. However, it is encouraging to see that his habit of taking the child for one day alone each week is gradually taking shape. It is also gratifying to see the growth of the father and son as they adapt to each other from strangers to familiarity. The child still relies on me quite heavily, and I have been trying to maintain a distance.

6. Next year's plan:

In light of the aforementioned key points and identified issues, it would be beneficial to discuss your goals and plans for the upcoming year.

It is my hope that through learning, I can become stronger, take better care of myself, and be a more supportive presence for those around me.

Chapter 6: "Memoirs of 2022"

This year, I have made significant strides in my family relationships.

A good family atmosphere is essential for the healthy conscience of family members and is even more conducive to the healthy growth of minors.

1. Family atmosphere and bonding:

I have not yet established a good sense of community with my family members this year, but I am confident that our relationship will improve compared to previous years.

I am not related to these two children by blood. I was not present for the most important developmental moments of their first three years of life. This year, they are both in adolescence, and the elderly person living with them is somewhat stubborn, so I am not forcing them to do anything.

But at the same time, I hope they know what I'm thinking, so I express my views without emotion. They will slowly realize that I am doing what is best for them, and they will change, beginning to focus their hearts on the family.

2. Beyond the original family:

My relationship with my biological family is not very good. However, I am determined to be a filial daughter in my heart, despite my mother's hints to the contrary. I want to be recognized by my mother, but I refuse to be solely responsible for all the responsibilities of raising a child. I hope my younger brother can take half of the responsibility, but seeing him being irresponsible all the time,

I don't know what to do, but I am confident that the experiences we've had this year will improve our relationship.

In April, my mother was hospitalized for half a month after falling ill and was then transferred to outpatient treatment. At the time, my mother was afraid that my younger brother would not be willing to drive her to the hospital every week. I had already taken on the booking work, and I was not going to ask my husband for help every week.

I told my mother that I was unhappy with my brother's lack of responsibility. I also told my brother to speak up. The night before the doctor's appointment, I told my brother that my brother-in-law had to go on a business trip and wouldn't be able to take my mother to the hospital. I told him to get up early and take my parents to the hospital gate before going to work.

He replied immediately, assuring me it was fine. For the next two months, I made the appointments every week. My brother drove the two elderly people to the hospital in the morning, and my husband picked them up and brought them home when he had time.

We discovered that we can still negotiate harmoniously.

?3, Family Conflicts and Imbalances:

?1) My husband used an overbearing approach to educate our son, which made our son, who doesn't really listen to him anyway, even less willing to study. I voiced my opinion, which made him angry. He said that my opinion was useless and that it would make our son even less willing to study.

Every argument ends in discord.

?2) This year, there have been no disagreements between my partner and my parents. I don't have many demands on them, and they know that I speak my mind and don't hold back. So there have been no arguments over the years, and I'm certain the main reason is that we don't live together.

?4, the sense of boundaries is established.

?1) This year, I did not take on the emotions that belong to my family, nor did I play a role that was not originally mine.

My husband's expectations for the children's studies are his own personal requirements, and I am well aware of them. I even express my dissatisfaction with him from the children's perspective at times, and as a result, the children are more willing to tell me their personal thoughts.

(2) This year, my family of origin has not interfered with my marriage and family with my partner. My parents approve of both of us.

My husband's family never interfered in our marriage, except for the children's studies. They believed that good grades were important and that they brought them prestige.

5. Raising and Educating

My partner and I have clearly defined roles and responsibilities when it comes to raising our child.

He is responsible for paying fees and fulfilling parent tasks (such as filling out forms and adhering to health codes) within the children's class group. He maintains a strict fatherly role to ensure his children are obedient and study hard.

I am responsible for the supplies in my child's life, and my child needs to pay for online materials for school. I communicate with my two children as a mother who is firm but fair, and who guides them with understanding.

(2) This year, my relationship with my child is good, and it has improved significantly compared to last year and the year before.

The significant issues I had with my daughter have been resolved, and our relationship has improved through consistent communication. My son has not presented any challenges, but in October, I was taken aback when I overheard him discussing bullying at school.

After half an hour of discussion, I made it clear that he needed to tell us about anything that happened to him in the future, or we would not be able to resolve any serious issues.

6. Plans for the coming year:

I am confident that the relationship between my parents and siblings will continue to improve, and that communication will become more seamless. I plan to visit home more often when I have the opportunity, and I will communicate more with my younger brother.

For new families, I will continue to use a flexible approach to deal with changes. Adolescent children have a fickle mind, so I will guide them in a positive direction with patience, love, and care.

My husband, who is with me every day, will adapt to the situation as it arises. I am certain that the psychology knowledge I have learned this year, and the continued learning I will do next year, will help him become more "well-behaved."

"Memoirs of 2022" Chapter 6: Please describe your family relationships this year.

1. Family atmosphere and bonding:

My relationship with my family has always been characterized by a certain degree of indifference. Since I began working, I have made a conscious effort to limit unnecessary phone calls to greetings on holidays and family birthdays. This approach may be influenced by my perception of a lack of warmth from my parents during my upbringing, as well as the challenges and setbacks I have faced along the way, which have often led me to seek alternative avenues.

When I was younger, my parents had high expectations of me and were quick to criticize when I didn't meet them. On rare occasions, they would go to great lengths to give me a standing ovation. I was always on edge, and I felt that my parents weren't that bad, but my memories are always vague.

2. Extend beyond the original family unit:

I can now comprehend my parents' circumstances. They were raised in a challenging environment in the countryside, where it was already difficult to survive. My parents have shared that, during their upbringing, their diet consisted primarily of vegetable leaves and sweet potatoes, with white rice being reserved for special occasions such as New Year's and holidays.

Every morning, I was responsible for cutting a basket of grass for the pigs before attending school. In my generation, we considered it a privilege to be able to eat white rice every day and attend school without having to engage in farm work.

I now believe that my parents' desire for me to succeed in life was well-founded. However, I was not suited to the academic environment. The high-pressure atmosphere in my family of origin led to a certain numbness and dislike of being asked for things, which resulted in a lack of response.

Secondly, when I was required to perform these tasks, I was reluctant to do so. This led to a tendency to avoid seeking assistance in various situations.

3. Family conflicts and imbalances:

This year, I had a disagreement with my mother-in-law, which resulted in her making accusations against me. There were no such disagreements with my original family.

4. Establishing a sense of boundaries:

My immediate family consists of two siblings, and we have both started families of our own. Given that we do not reside in the same city, we typically only communicate during the holidays. We have a clear understanding of our respective roles and generally refrain from interfering with each other's lives.

5. Upbringing and Education:

In terms of child-rearing, our current division of labor is that I work outside the home and my wife stays at home with our three children. I transfer 5,000 RMB to my wife each month for household expenses. Due to work, I can go back once or twice a month, and I still spend very little time with the children. My sister and younger sister encourage me to go back more often, as I typically bring them food, toys, and other items when I do.

As a father, I am unsure of how to express myself. I am not particularly adept at verbal communication and am unable to provide them with guidance. During playtime, I can only offer physical affection and assurances regarding future purchases. I typically honor my commitments and am reluctant to renege on them.

6. Next year's plan:

In the coming year, I hope to become more authentic and overcome my tendency towards aloofness and emotional numbness. I will work to develop a sense of my own boundaries and pursue a career that aligns with my values.

I will demonstrate respect for my children and respond to them in a positive manner. I will convey to them that they are loved by both the world and me.

"Memoirs of the Time 2022" Chapter 6: Please describe the state of your family relationships during the past year.

The title prompted me to reflect on the nature of my familial relationships during the past year.

1. This year, my relationship with my family has been quite positive, particularly during the pandemic. Providing care for one another has fostered a sense of warmth and mutual benefit. We have all endeavored to ensure each other's safety. We engage in sincere communication to express our authentic thoughts and feelings. While there are instances where we are also expressing our emotions, we have chosen to demonstrate tolerance and provide comfort to one another.

2. Indeed, my original family continues to exert a considerable influence on me. Prior to marriage, I would frequently experience considerable anxiety and apprehension, frequently entertaining thoughts of potential negative scenarios and contemplating how I would respond to such eventualities. On occasion, I would also engage in deliberate actions with the intention of gauging the other person's reaction.

For instance, I intentionally avoided cooking or housework, yet I remained anxious, uncertain of the other person's potential for anger. Fortunately, my partner continued to care for me, occasionally expressing discontent and providing care without excessive criticism. This made me feel considerably more at ease, and gradually, my inner fears and worries diminished significantly.

3. There have been few conflicts with my family this year, and even when they have arisen, they have been resolved directly. We are tolerant of each other's opinions. Typically, conflicts occur when one party has an idea that the other does not agree with, which can lead to emotional responses.

At the very least, I feel unappreciated and distrusted, and on occasion, I feel controlled. Ultimately, one party always yields, and the matter is resolved.

There are no conflicts with my partner's parents, as they do not reside together. This contributes to a relatively harmonious dynamic. His parents are highly dependent on him and tend to defer to his opinion, which limits their involvement in our relationship. This fosters a positive and supportive environment.

4. Sense of boundaries:

I consider myself fortunate to be able to pursue my own interests and activities without undue pressure from my family, who nevertheless retain their own expectations. My husband and I similarly enjoy a considerable degree of autonomy in our daily lives, free from undue influence from our elders.

5. In the future, I aspire to pursue a pastime that brings me joy. I recognize the value of continued learning and personal growth. I also intend to demonstrate greater consideration for those around me.

Once the pandemic has subsided, it would be beneficial to embark on a self-guided road trip with your family.

"Memoirs of 2022" Chapter 6: How are your family relationships going this year?

53 minutes ago, 62 reads

Here's a suggested outline (just a suggestion, don't copy the headings):

1. Family atmosphere and connection:

Have you been able to build a strong sense of community with your family members this year? If not, what are the main issues?

I believe that this sense of belonging to a good community can still be maintained, and it is usually a state of mind. This state of mind may be described as a family atmosphere, a sense of acceptance and understanding of one another, and a certain understanding on all sides. Perhaps there are also occasional discussions and arguments in the family, which sometimes seem unavoidable.

It might still be there when you express a different opinion or get into an argument. It's like that scream—it makes people feel uncomfortable and uneasy.

2. Beyond the original family:

The crux of the relationship with the original family/Has the negative impact on you been improved? The crux of the relationship with the original family: I haven't figured this out yet, it's not particularly clear. I just feel that the existence of the original family gives our personal meaning. Without the existence of the family, there would be no me. (Can't think of anything to write?)

Raising kids in the family is all about following our parents' guidance. When we were young, we were always around our parents, and even if we were playing for a while, we would quickly run to them, afraid that they might get lost. Fortunately, there was also my older brother at home, who was a few years older and also my childhood playmate. He had his own ideas, though.

3. Family conflicts and imbalances:

(1) Have there been any conflicts or disagreements with family members this year? If so, what were the reasons?

There have been some conflicts this year too. Sometimes I don't say anything because I don't want to hurt their feelings. I don't want to see such conflicts, and I'm afraid of them and avoid them!

The main reason is that I get into trouble a lot and love to sleep. This probably accounts for most of my day, which is kind of funny to say.

2) (Unmarried people don't need to answer this.) Have you had disagreements or conflicts with your partner's parents?

There are still some differences between my partner's parents and me. They're the elders, so they have a point in everything they say. I'm the younger generation, so I don't say much, but I do feel emotional. Now more often than not, I'm the one talking to my parents.

4. Setting Boundaries

1) This year, have you taken on too many family emotions, played a role that isn't yours, or confused what family members want with what you want?

Do you take on too many emotions that belong to your family? I must admit, I still don't seem to understand this topic very well. Perhaps family members all have their own thoughts and emotions!

As an adult, my family members may hope that I should take on some more responsibilities, but I've become a bit numb and decadent. I'm more helpless than I am trying to meet their expectations. Just like these titles, I say this every day, but I don't have to follow this approach. I can't seem to get out of this frame of mind. Maybe it's only under these kinds of statements that I can say something.

2) (This doesn't apply to unmarried people) This year, did your partner and you experience excessive interference from your family of origin in your marriage and family?

Original: Family members are a bit overbearing. It seems like there's not much to say. When there's a need, they'll let us know. And in the matter of my shopping the other day, my family members said a lot and asked me what the reason was. At first they were quite angry, saying that I bought so many useless things and that I should use my energy on my own family.

5. Upbringing and Education (Not Applicable to Those Who Have Not Yet Had Children):

1) Do you and your partner have a good grasp on your respective roles and responsibilities in raising your child?

2) How was your relationship with your child this year? Any issues you had to deal with, and how did you resolve them?

6. Next year's plan:

Let's talk about your goals and plans for the coming year in light of the above key points and issues.

Thanks for your input!

#intergenerational communication #parenting #temperament #anxiety

You can ask up to seven questions.

If you share it, more people might be interested in attending.

1. Family atmosphere and connection:

My husband works outside the city most of the time, so he only comes back on weekends and holidays. This year, the pandemic and train schedule adjustments have affected how often he can visit. I'm on my own at home taking care of the kids, and I also have to pick them up from school, help with their homework, and do the housework.

I have to feed the baby at night and make sure the baby doesn't kick the covers off, so my sleep is also a bit affected, and my mood is not always very stable. I reflect on and change in the midst of "ranting and raving." To be honest, my relationship with the children has improved a bit, but I can still feel that the children are still a bit afraid of me, and I have a little control.

I'm making gradual adjustments and changes in these areas.

2. Moving beyond the original family:

I've made some progress in my relationship with my original family, but I still have some issues with her. I still judge her internally and have expectations of her. She is also always demanding love from me and the children, never growing up.

I need to let go of some expectations and just do my best.

3. Family conflicts and imbalances:

1) This year, I had a disagreement with my husband about our different living habits. He doesn't pay attention to separating raw and cooked food, which is a habit from his original family, while I believe the children are still young and require more attention.

2) I was busy and had some complaints about my mother-in-law. On the 12th day after my second child was born, who weighed 8 jin, she asked my husband and me in the living room if we wanted to have another child. At that time, we hadn't given up on having a third child, and she said she would pay the fine.

I just hate that she has no sense of boundaries. Giving birth is something that our husband and wife do together, and she interferes. What is the point of that? So now that San Bao has been born, I take care of him alone, and I'm busy every day. I have complaints against her, and I don't want to pick up her WeChat or communicate with her.

I know that the choice to stay home with the baby is mine, and I need to take responsibility for my own decisions. It just so happened that it was during the month of the baby's birth, and I had a big fight with my mother-in-law. After that, my husband calmed me down and told me to apologize to my mother-in-law. I don't know what came over me then, but I'm still emotional about it, so I have some resentment towards my mother-in-law.

My father-in-law is basically invisible at home. My mother-in-law calls him useless and treats him like he doesn't exist. I don't have any interaction with him at all.

4. Setting boundaries:

1) I feel like I still don't have a good sense of boundaries. I demand too much of my child and don't let go enough. I'm both mother and father at home, carrying a lot of the load, and I'm a bit tired.

2) My mother said she wanted to come and help me take care of the children, but I told her many times that I didn't want her to. I know that she has a lot of unresolved issues and doesn't understand boundaries. Coming over would disrupt my life and the way I educate the children.

At first, my mother-in-law always complained when she joined me on video calls, saying, "It's quite difficult for you to take care of three children on your own," which didn't help at all. Later, I got too busy to deal with her, and I also had negative feelings towards her, so I didn't bother communicating with her.

5. Support and education (not applicable if you're not a parent yet):

1) My husband is the breadwinner and I am the homemaker, taking care of the kids' daily lives, meals, and studies. It's a clear division of labor, right? But every day, he also helps with the kids' education via video calls, which helps to relieve my emotions and stress.

He's also a responsible father, patient, supportive, and encouraging. He's not afraid to give constructive criticism, either.

2) My relationship with my kids has improved a bit, and I can see that I'm gradually changing the patterns I picked up from my own family. My kids imitate my words and actions and act as a mirror for me, showing me where I need to change.

I've shifted from being an authoritative mother to one who gives the kids more freedom to make their own decisions and just lets them be themselves. I'm not going all in yet, though. I'm taking it gradually.

Since I haven't yet rebuilt my inner sense of security, it'll take some time.

6. Plans for the coming year:

In the coming year, I'll keep working on self-care. When I take care of myself, I can truly and genuinely take care of my kids. I don't have any conditions or expectations of them.