Missed the best time to educate your child, feeling incredibly regretful, what should you do?

As a mom, it can be tough to raise kids, especially when you're facing family and personal challenges. I hope I can offer some tips to help you get through this rough patch.

First of all, remember you're not alone. Lots of parents have faced similar problems, and the fact you're in this situation reflects a common problem in society.

So, don't isolate yourself. Get help and support. Talk to friends, relatives, or other parents. Or, seek professional counseling. It may bring you new inspiration and ways to solve problems.

Also, learn to accept your own imperfections and those of others. As a mother, you're just an ordinary person and you can't be perfect.

Similarly, your husband and children have their own shortcomings. When dealing with problems, try to look at each other with tolerance and understanding, rather than pointing the finger or complaining.

When it comes to your kids' education, it's important to communicate with them honestly and listen to their thoughts and feelings. Try to avoid blaming and criticizing them and instead approach the situation with understanding and support.

You might also want to look for professional educational guidance to help your child overcome difficulties in learning and growing up.

Your mental health is also a big deal. Depression is a disease that requires professional treatment and care, so you should seek help from a professional psychologist as soon as you can and stick with the treatment plan.

It's also important to look after yourself. Try to release stress and anxiety through sports, reading, and artistic creation.

Here are a few more things to think about when you're talking to your kids about education:

Set up a good communication environment. Pick a quiet, distraction-free spot where you and your child can focus on the conversation. Turn off the TV or mobile phone to eliminate distractions and focus on the conversation.

2. Listen to your child: Give your child a chance to share their feelings and thoughts, and listen to them carefully. Respect their opinions and avoid criticizing or dismissing their emotions.

3. Ask open-ended questions: Open-ended questions are better than closed questions because they encourage children to give more detailed answers. For example, you could ask, "What do you think are some solutions to this problem?"

"Instead of asking, 'What do you think should be done about this problem?'"

Avoid getting in too much of your own way. Try to avoid getting in the way too much or interrupting when kids are sharing their thoughts. Give them a chance to speak up before you jump in with your ideas.

Give them real-world examples to help them grasp the concepts and principles. This makes learning more concrete and easier for kids to grasp.

6. Encourage cooperation and problem-solving skills: In communication education, encourage your children to work with you to solve problems. Help them develop their problem-solving skills and get them involved in finding solutions.

Keep things equal and respectful. Treat your child with the same respect you'd want to be treated yourself. Avoid using threatening, accusing, or humiliating language to keep things friendly and open.

8. Stay in touch and keep the lines of communication open with your child. Get involved in their learning and development in daily life. Set a good example by communicating well with them.

By using these methods and suggestions, you can communicate more effectively with your children about education and help them learn and grow. Remember, educational communication should be two-way. It's important to respect your children's feelings and opinions and build a trusting relationship with them.

And finally, don't forget to take care of yourself. No matter how tough the situation is, you deserve love and care.

It'd be a good idea to talk to your husband to see if you can find a solution to the problem, and you might also want to ask your family or friends for help. While you're at it, why not try to find some new interests and hobbies to make your life more interesting?

It's a tough time, but it's also a chance to make things better and grow. I hope you can take it on with strength and courage, and believe that things will get better.

Good day. I am Xin Tan, Coach Fei Yun. Life is a beautiful journey, not for appreciation, but for blossoming.

I can discern your profound self-reproach, yet I perceive your authentic affection and solicitude for your son. What transpired? Let us examine the facts together.

Even in the most unfavorable circumstances, it is possible to identify elements that can be harnessed for one's benefit.

"Everything that happens is for my benefit." This mindset is even evident in students who are at the lowest academic levels, as they recognize the potential for improvement and strive for greater advancement.

You indicate that your son is currently in the third year of junior high school and is experiencing a number of difficulties. From your description, it appears that the two primary areas of concern are his academic performance and his character development.

The discrepancy in academic performance can be attributed to a difference in motivation to learn. Children with similar IQs are taught by the same instructor, yet they often exhibit disparate levels of academic achievement.

It is simply a matter of individual preference. Some children are naturally inclined towards academic pursuits, while others are more drawn to leisure activities. If all children were to devote the same amount of time to studying as they currently do to leisure, it would undoubtedly lead to a significant increase in the number of students attempting the entrance exams for Tsinghua and Peking University.

It is precisely because of the diversity of life trajectories that a vast array of professions is represented in our society.

Consequently, the issue of learning is contingent upon a student's willingness to engage with the material, and at the middle school level, the efficacy of learning methods is also a significant factor. It is essential to identify the core challenge, select an appropriate strategy, and instruct students in a manner that aligns with their abilities.

Morality: Individuals born after 1970s rarely received attention or education from their parents during their formative years. However, their character is not inherently problematic. What factors contribute to this phenomenon?

This is because family traditions and parental role models are visible to all.

In other words, "actions speak louder than words." As long as parents manage their intimate relationship well and create a harmonious and loving family environment, the child will be raised in such an atmosphere and will not exhibit problematic behaviors.

It would be beneficial to gain further insight into the meaning of "a bunch of problems." If parents lack confidence in their children and are unable to envision a future for them, it is unclear who else could provide affirmation and support.

2. It is futile to dwell on past mistakes.

Rather than attributing blame to oneself, it is more constructive to assume responsibility for one's actions. The past is irrevocable and cannot be altered.

However, the present can be fully comprehended.

The onset of puberty at age 13 presents a valuable opportunity for parents to address and improve their children's education.

It is often asserted that adolescence represents the final opportunity for children to influence their parents. Consequently, it can be argued that any changes made by parents have the potential to impact the future of their children.

It is therefore recommended that the focus be shifted from the child to the parents themselves and their marital relationship. This is because the problems exhibited by children are largely reflective of the problems experienced by the parents or the state of their relationship.

The family unit is founded upon values of order and structure, with parents assuming their designated parental roles. The marital relationship serves as the foundation for the family unit. Frequently, after the birth of a child, parents shift their focus exclusively to the child, inadvertently causing harm to the child in the name of love.

Prior to requesting that your child implement changes, it is essential to repair the parent-child relationship and regain your child's trust. When parents undergo changes, children are naturally compelled to make corresponding changes to adapt to their parents' alterations.

I have recently been re-reading "The Power of Self-Growth," and I would recommend it to you. A good mother raises a good child. It is important to believe in oneself and in one's child. Everything happens at the right time.

It is my sincere hope that the aforementioned information is beneficial to you. The world and I extend our best wishes to you.

Should you wish to continue the communication, you are invited to follow my personal homepage, entitled "Heart Exploration Service."

Hello! I just wanted to give you a 360-degree hug.

From what you've told me, it seems like you're facing a few different challenges right now. There are some issues with your child's studies and relationship with you, as well as some communication issues with your husband. And then there are some personal challenges, like depression, insomnia, stomach problems, and both psychological and physical symptoms.

It's important to remember that these three areas — parent-child relationships and spousal relationships — can't be improved by just one person. Even if you become an expert in education and can understand your child emotionally, you may not be able to change your relationship with them quickly.

Even if you become a negotiation expert, you may not be able to change your relationship with your husband for the time being. The only thing you can change is yourself. You can decide whether or not you want to change and how.

It's not realistic to expect others to change.

The issues in your family are pretty tough. They all seem important and urgent, especially with your child in the third year of junior high school and facing the big decision of whether to go to high school. You've identified some of the problems and tried a lot of different things. I think you've explained the situation to your child many times, talked to your husband a lot, and even sought advice from a counselor, hoping to make things better. But it seems to have made you even more desperate.

Let me explain my suggestions in the hope that they'll make you feel a little better.

First of all, no matter what your current psychological and physical condition is, I suggest that you keep your emotions in check. Your emotional stability is important for problem solving and for your family's parent-child and spousal relationships. Of course you need an outlet for your emotions, and you can't simply and violently suppress them. Here, I suggest that you do some competitive sports, such as boxing, basketball, rock climbing, running, etc., to give your aggressiveness an outlet. Sports can also improve your mood. You can also do yoga, mindfulness, meditation, etc., to connect more with your body and inner self.

Second, work through your emotions before tackling the problem. It doesn't mean you're in complete control, but at least you can act like an emotionally stable adult. Your family can't handle too much negativity.

It's important to take a moment to calm down before tackling specific problems.

Third, I suggest you have a chat with your child when you're feeling calm. You could try non-violent communication, explaining the behaviour you've seen and your feelings about it. Don't demand that your child behaves a certain way, as this will make things worse.

If you can, I'd recommend going with your child to see a counselor. It'd be good to find a family counselor, too. It's easier to have safe and stable communication in the presence of a counselor.

Fourth, I suggest you look for another counselor. I suggest you focus on your personal growth, which means putting aside your parent-child and marital relationships and solving your own problems first.

For instance, you mentioned that when your child was young, you were quite immature. Why do you think that was? Did you have the baby at a young age?

There's also your depression and despair, and all the other things behind it. There's also your upbringing, your family of origin, and so on, all of which have an impact on who you are now and on your relationships.

But it's clear you can't handle these problems on your own, so you need to get professional help. There's also the issue of matching between counselor and client.

My advice is to focus on solving your own problems first. Once you've done that, you'll be in a better position to deal with other people. I don't think you can bring your husband and child to the counseling room for family counseling now, and they're unlikely to cooperate with you.

You need to focus on solving your own problems first.

Fifth, I was going to bring up your husband and your relationship, but you've got a lot on your plate right now. From what you've told me, he's not going to be much help. So, I think you should put this on the back burner for now. As long as you're able to keep your emotions in check, your child can go to school normally, and the family can maintain basic peace, even if it is only apparent peace. Once you've got things under control, you can tackle this issue head on before the child's college entrance exam and let your child successfully complete the exam.

In the meantime, you can work on yourself through personal growth—that's something you can control. Once you've got a handle on that, you can tackle the other problems.

I'm a psychological counselor who often feels depressed but also has moments of optimism. I love the world and all of you in it.

If I may make a suggestion, perhaps you could try hugging the person who is asking the question. I hope you will feel some warmth and support, and I hope my answer will be helpful to you.

I can sense the pain you are in. It seems that your children have a lot of problems, your husband is not supportive, doesn't know how to educate, and often yells and loses his temper. You feel especially desperate because communicating with him is not effective. Perhaps we could consider adjusting the direction of change. First, let go of trying to change them and instead change yourself. There is a popular saying in psychology: "The person who changes himself is a god; the person who tries to change others is a lunatic." This is because, in fact, it is very difficult for us to change others. However, the family is a system. When you can change yourself, it will naturally have a positive impact on the family and allow them to change together with you.

If I might offer you a suggestion, it would be this:

1. It's understandable that there might have been times when it seemed like the ideal moment to educate your child wasn't quite right, and it's reassuring to know that there's always an opportunity to make adjustments.

It is important to remember that we cannot change the past. It is already gone. If we dwell on it and feel remorseful, we may end up suffering more and depleting our energy without bringing about any changes or positive impact. It is also worth noting that it is never too late to educate our children. As long as we are on the right path, there is still time to make a positive impact.

It is thought that the best way to educate children is through example. If you are not happy yourself, it may be challenging to convey to your children that life is happy. However, if you are happy yourself, you may find that your children will believe that they can be as happy as you.

Perhaps it would be helpful to consider that having an impact on your child does not necessarily require demanding that he listens to you and becomes the ideal student you want him to be. It may be more beneficial to accept, understand, and respect him. This approach could potentially lead to a more positive parent-child relationship, which in turn may encourage your child to listen to what you say.

2. It might be helpful to consider adjusting your expectations of your husband and children. While it can be challenging to change others, it may be more beneficial to focus on how you can adapt your own approach.

Perhaps it would be helpful to consider that effective communication is not about making others listen to you, but about both sides expressing their feelings and needs on an equal basis. I wonder if reading "Nonviolent Communication" might be beneficial. It offers insights into how to speak to others in a way that is both respectful and conducive to relationship development.

It is worth noting that if a person is not open to change, it can be challenging for others to facilitate that change. As the saying goes, "One thought can change the world." There are three key areas in life: our own affairs, the affairs of others, and the affairs of heaven. People often feel troubled because they may not have control over their own affairs and may find themselves worrying about the affairs of others and the affairs of heaven.

It is important to remember that their behavior, thoughts, and patterns are their own business. Attempting to control them may lead to unintended consequences. It may be helpful to let go of your ideal expectations of them and focus on accepting them. This can allow you to adjust yourself, take care of your own needs and feelings, express your needs and feelings in the relationship, and listen to theirs. When they feel your acceptance, understanding, and respect, it can have a positive impact.

3. It is important to take care of your body, emotions, and needs. When you become an internally stable person, it will also have a positive influence on those around you. If you are experiencing depression, it is advisable to seek the guidance of a professional psychiatrist for diagnosis and evaluation, and to actively treat it. When you feel better, you may find that these are not as problematic as you thought, and that they do not cause as much pain.

It is important to remember that families are complex systems, and that attempting to change them can be challenging. One way to begin is by focusing on your own well-being. This includes taking care of your physical health, managing your emotions, and addressing your needs. When you become a more stable and positive person, it will naturally have a positive impact on the entire family. If you are experiencing depression, it is always best to seek professional guidance. This can help you to understand the extent of your depression and to determine the most appropriate course of treatment. If your depression is moderate to severe, it may be necessary to combine drug treatment with psychological counseling interventions.

It would be beneficial to understand that depression is no different from physical illnesses such as pneumonia or the common cold. When it reaches a particularly serious level, one may find it challenging to control one's emotions and may require treatment with medication. It is important to remember that there is no shame in seeking help for mental health challenges. By facing these issues head-on and seeking treatment, we can recover sooner.

Depression is a different matter entirely. It requires adjuvant treatment combined with psychological counseling. Through professional counseling, we can improve our emotions, adjust our cognition, enhance our psychological resilience, and promote personal growth. When you get better, then, when you look back, you may find that these things that make you despair and suffer in the present are not as big a deal as you thought.

I'm confident you can do it. I'm here to support you in any way I can.

Give the questioner a hug! I can feel the questioner's sadness, pain, and loss of confidence. I praise the questioner for being able to persist and come here to post for help!

Asking for help shows courage and a desire for a better life. This reflects inner strength and a belief in a better life.

To help your child, you need to be strong and use the right approach. You have strength, but you don't know how to use it. Learn to use your strength and you won't be affected by your husband and child.

The child has encountered many problems, but the questioner did not say what they are. The questioner has high expectations for the child and is negative. This is something the questioner needs to change. Treating the child with judgment will affect how the questioner sees him. This is especially true of small changes.

The changes in the child were not made in a short time. It will take a long time to solve the problems.

The questioner and her husband have talked many times without getting anywhere. They also need to think about how they communicate with each other. How they communicate affects the results, and how they get along affects the child's development. The questioner and her husband are responsible for the child's development. In the family, the couple's relationship is the most important, and both directly and indirectly affect the child.

The questioner may want to think about who is in charge of their relationship with their husband.

To help the child, the questioner must first work on their own issues, then on their marriage, then on the child. Once the marriage is better, the child will be too. Then the couple can help the child together.

Greetings. I am Jokerev, and I can fully empathize with your current circumstances. I can perceive the profound distress, despondency, and anguish that you are experiencing.

First and foremost, I would like to express my profound empathy for the immense pressure you are currently facing, and reassure you that your feelings are entirely justified. You are not alone in this struggle, and you are not obliged to bear it alone.

The growth of each individual is accompanied by trial and error and the process of learning. It is not possible for anyone to perform all tasks perfectly at the outset, particularly when raising children. Your self-reflection and concern for your child's problems have already demonstrated the profound and authentic love you have as a mother.

It is important to forgive oneself for one's immaturity, as it is a natural part of the life journey and serves as a source of motivation for continuous improvement.

With regard to your child's present circumstances, the third year of junior high school represents a pivotal phase. The confluence of academic pressure and psychological transitions can precipitate considerable challenges for your child. Nevertheless, it is essential to recognize that each child possesses distinctive attributes and develops at a distinct pace. A temporary decline in performance may not necessarily portend a bleak future.

It is recommended that parents attempt to comprehend their children from a distinct vantage point, provide them with assistance in the face of challenges, and facilitate their efforts to identify solutions to difficulties, rather than solely focusing on their shortcomings.

Your husband does have problems with his approach to education, which has resulted in feelings of powerlessness on your part. However, it is often more challenging to effect change in others than in oneself. It is important to communicate with him on an ongoing basis, while also allowing him the necessary time and space to adjust.

It may be beneficial to identify educational resources on the subject of family education, study, and the associated benefits of positive reinforcement. These materials could then be discussed with your husband, potentially facilitating his understanding of the merits of a constructive approach to education.

As for your own depressive symptoms, they have become so severe that they have affected your quality of life and even caused suicidal thoughts. This is a very urgent situation, and it is recommended that you seek professional medical help as soon as possible for psychological counseling and necessary medication. At the same time, establishing good living habits, regular work and rest, a reasonable diet, and moderate exercise can all help relieve physical and mental stress.

Life is replete with challenges, yet each adversity can serve as a catalyst for growth and advancement. It is imperative to recognize that one is never isolated, as there are always individuals who are willing to offer a listening ear and assistance in overcoming difficulties.

Depression is not a definitive state; it is a call for assistance from one's inner self, as well as an opportunity for introspection and self-healing. It is imperative to maintain hope and believe that, with resilience and determination, a path towards recovery will emerge.

I am confident that you are capable of achieving this goal.

Hello, questioner. I am also a mother of a junior high school student and have also experienced my child's rebellious teenage years. I can empathize with the challenges you're facing and your desire for a better way forward.

You have expressed frustration with the lack of effective communication with your children and husband, which has led to feelings of despair and sleeplessness. It is understandable that this situation is challenging, but by reflecting on past experiences, we can identify the root causes of this pain and explore ways to move forward with greater ease.

I understand that you hope your husband and child will "listen" to your advice. Could I ask whether they have the opportunity to fully express their opinions and let you "listen" and receive them when you communicate?

I believe that effective communication should be two-way.

I would like to ask you once more: Do you want your husband and children to listen to what you say, the "big ideas," or your feelings for them? Or would you prefer to ask them about their feelings?

For instance, when your child is up late at night and hasn't finished their homework, would you consider saying something like, "My dear, being a third-year high school student is tough!" and giving him a hug, or would you simply scold him, saying, "You haven't finished yet?"

If you were a child, which of the following would you be more likely to listen to?

Another principle of effective communication is to consider expressing feelings instead of reasoning.

It is possible that long-standing ineffective communication could result in a situation where a change you make might not be noticed at first. However, if you are willing to take the initiative and make the first move, you can begin to break the ice in your current family relationship.

Have you considered speaking with a medical professional about your current depression and insomnia? If your doctor determines that medication could be beneficial, it might be helpful to trust their recommendation. Past data has shown that antidepressant drugs are generally safe and effective.

I'm not sure how you determined the suitability of the counselor you initially consulted. If you decide to seek another opinion, I would recommend looking for a counselor who has expertise in family relationships, parent-child communication, and adolescent topics. You can identify counselors who align with these interests by reviewing their labels and course endorsements.

Ultimately, what is best for you is what will suit you best.

It's normal to feel down when your child is struggling at school or at home. But remember, there's always a way to improve. Here are some tips to help you:

1. Seek professional help if you feel depressed and hopeless. A psychotherapist can help you manage depressive symptoms and provide coping strategies.

2. If your emotions affect your health, get help.

3. Get help from friends and family. Sometimes it's good to get an outside perspective.

4. Talk to your husband. You may need help to communicate better.

5. Set small goals. Parenting and improving the home environment can feel daunting. Set small goals, such as spending time with your children every day or improving family communication.

6. Take care of yourself. Get enough rest, eat right, exercise, and relax.

7. Learn parenting skills. There are many resources to help you understand your adolescent child and communicate with them.

8. Talk to your kids. Understand them, and show you care.

9. Accept the past. You can't change it, but you can learn from it.

10. Stay positive. Problems with children and families can be solved. Things will get better.

11. Consider family therapy. This can help parents and children and improve family relationships.

If you feel like you can't go on or you're thinking of suicide, call for help right away. Many countries have emergency hotlines you can call.

You are not alone. There are people who can help. Keep looking for help and support. You can change and hope is always there.

Hi, how are you?

Feel your pain.

Take a deep breath and calm down. Don't worry about your child's problems or feel guilty. When your mind is calm, you can think clearly. If you're stressed, you'll make things worse. Try doing nothing for a while.

[Learning to calm down]

Your child's problems have triggered emotional problems in you. You are so miserable that you want to die. You need to pay attention to your emotional problems. Your anxiety puts a lot of pressure on your child.

You can learn breathing exercises and mindfulness meditation to regulate your emotions.

[Self-assessment of psychological state]

Assess your mental health and choose solutions based on the results.

The assessment has three parts. Please give yourself a score for each part.

1. How long have you been feeling stressed?

1 point for less than 3 months, 2 points for 3 months to 1 year, and 3 points for more than 1 year.

2. How distressed are you?

If you can relieve yourself, you get 1 point. If you need help, you get 2 points. If you cannot get rid of it, you get 3 points.

3. Impact on social functioning:

Some impact, 1 point.

If you score 2 points for reduced work efficiency and avoiding people.

Not working, not socializing, isolated, afraid to meet people: 3 points.

If you score 4, you need help.

If you score 5, it's serious. Go to the hospital's psychiatry department for an exam and counseling.

If you score 6 or higher, go to the hospital's psychiatric department right away. Don't let a cold turn into pneumonia. Pay attention to it.

[Seek family therapy]

You're aware the family is partly responsible for your child's problems. You've tried reasoning with your husband, but it hasn't worked. Don't be discouraged.

The family pattern has lasted more than ten years. Change takes time, but it's possible. You can seek help from a family therapist.

I hope this helps.

I'm your neighbor. Thanks for listening.

Dear Questioner, My name is Duoduo Lian, and I hope my reply will be of assistance to you.

I empathize with your situation. You have difficulty communicating with your husband, your child is facing the critical period of the high school entrance exam, and there have been problems. You are unable to sleep at night, you vomit, your stomach hurts, and there is nothing to be happy about. It's just too hard. Using a help platform is also the beginning of change.

You have stated that your child is young, that you are very immature, and that this is your first time being a parent. It is evident that you lack the requisite knowledge and experience to navigate this situation effectively. It is commendable that you care deeply for your child and are concerned about their future. However, it is also apparent that you are struggling to communicate effectively with your husband. Do you find yourself blaming yourself for the situation and experiencing self-loathing for your inability to resolve it?

Despite seeking assistance from a counselor, you found the experience unhelpful. You were unable to engage with the counselor's advice, leading to feelings of helplessness and powerlessness. You experienced physical symptoms such as nausea and stomach discomfort, which your body was trying to communicate as a warning to prioritize self-care.

I can appreciate the challenges you're facing. Building a strong family education and environment takes significant effort over multiple generations. It's crucial to recognize that the root cause of your child's issues lies with you.

Your anxieties, your worries, and your unhappiness are evident to the child. I am aware of your anxieties from a distance. The more anxious you are, the more responsible you are, and the more you love your child and your family.

It is crucial to prioritize self-care, treat yourself with kindness, calm your mind, engage in meditation, and consider the potential consequences of a negative outcome. If your child is unable to attend high school and you are unable to provide for yourself, you will face significant challenges. It is important to recognize that there are always options and resources available to you. Do you agree?

The current social climate has resulted in a significant number of teachers' children experiencing difficulties. Depression has become a prevalent issue. Our generation has developed a tendency to suppress their emotions and avoid expressing their needs, which can have a detrimental impact on their children. In an effort to maintain their own sense of security and self-worth, many parents resort to controlling their children. The influence of the replication of the original family dynamic can be observed across multiple generations.

You have invested a great deal of effort and tried a multitude of approaches. Your child is concerned about your well-being because you appear to be lacking inner peace. Have you been able to receive your child's love in return? If you are not happy, how can I be happy? I am to blame for the discord between you and your spouse. I am undeserving and a burden to my parents.

The child is experiencing distress, and he is unable to focus on his studies. He engages in disruptive behavior to gain your attention, hoping that you will alter your approach to resolving the issue. He is seeking your affection.

When parents are happy, they are better positioned to provide their children with the support they need to succeed in the future.

The most effective way to educate your children is through example. It is essential to be a confident and happy mother. To regain your sense of self, it is vital to seek the guidance of a trusted friend, obtain professional medical advice, stabilize your emotions, address your special needs, and let go. You are of significant value to your family, and it is crucial to maintain your composure.

It is essential to withdraw your attention from family members, care for yourself, speak up for your needs, and find your composure in order to achieve a state of completeness within yourself.

Please accept my sincerest condolences.

Your child is in the third year of junior high school and is having a tough time. Your husband doesn't understand education and has a bad temper. The school psychologist has been consulted, but neither your husband nor your child can be changed.

I can see that this has really got you down. It's affected your sleep, caused extreme pain, triggered depression and caused some physical symptoms. I can feel the extreme pain inside you.

Let me give you a big, warm hug from all sides!

Your child is about to take the high school entrance exam, but he's in a bit of a bad mood. It's a bit of a tricky situation because you can't influence your husband or your child at all.

This can really make you feel defeated and helpless, and it's totally understandable! These negative emotions can't be resolved, and they can really take a toll on us, leaving us feeling physically and mentally exhausted.

Let's start by chatting about the impact of those around us.

"These two gentlemen just wouldn't listen to what I had to say." It's okay to feel frustrated! It's natural to take responsibility for our own feelings.

I truly believe that the influence we have on those around us is not as significant as we often think. It's when we find common ground and connect with someone on a deeper level that real change happens. It's like a light bulb goes off in their mind, and they realize, "Hey, I can be like this too!" And then, they start to imitate us, and it has a ripple effect on us both.

So, it's really important to remember that each person's own perception is the internal factor, the influence of others is the external factor, the internal factor plays the decisive role, and the external factor at most plays a supplementary role.

I think the reason you're having trouble convincing the father and son is because you're not in the best place yourself. Once you've made some positive changes, they'll be more open to what you have to say.

So my first piece of advice to you is to forget about whether they listen to you or not and to focus on your own state of mind. You've got this!

I'm so sorry you're going through this. It's really tough. You're experiencing some pretty intense physical symptoms like stomach pain, vomiting, and sleepless nights. I know it's a lot, but I really think you should go to a regular hospital for treatment and take the medicine if you need it. While you're there, it would be really helpful to focus on your mental state too. Try to change your perception, do things that make you happy, and start little by little. You've got this!

"My child is in his third year of high school and has a lot of problems." This description is very vague. We still need to analyze each problem individually. Is it poor grades, addiction to the phone, or something else? How does the child view his problems, what does he think about his future, what are his expectations? It's so important to really understand your child's perspective. Have you had a chance to sit down and have a good chat with him to hear his own thoughts?

Kids this age are going through puberty, which is a wild time! They have some understanding of the world, but it's still pretty one-sided. They have lots of ideas, but they might be a bit too naive and childish. It might not be the best idea to reason with them directly and give them adult knowledge. But they can learn some truths through lots of examples, stories, or their own experiences!

"My husband is not very supportive either. He doesn't understand education, and he often gets a bit carried away. It seems that my husband's emotional management and management skills need to be strengthened. Sometimes it may not be that he doesn't want to solve the problem, but that he lacks the solutions to the problem, and he has not studied or thought deeply about it. Then an emotional outburst is the easiest thing to do.

These problems didn't just pop up overnight, so they won't be solved overnight.

It's so important to take care of yourself first. Then, you can communicate with your son in a way that will help him think about what kind of life he wants to lead in the future. As long as he thinks about it himself, he will have the awareness and behavior to change.

Hi, I'm Tianyang, a heart exploration coach. I just wanted to say congratulations on all your success so far!

Greetings!

I fully comprehend the urgency and intricacy of a mother's sentiments regarding her child's education.

The following comments are provided for your reference on the issues of "missing the best period for educating children" and "not knowing how to educate children."

The initial step is to comprehend the objective reasons for the complex emotions experienced as a mother.

As the child enters adolescence, there is a significant potential for behavioral and attitudinal shifts, which may challenge the traditional roles and values of the parent.

The rebelliousness, defiance, and desire for independence that children display can result in parents experiencing feelings of helplessness and disappointment.

Additionally, adolescents contend with a multitude of emotional challenges, including those related to self-identity, interpersonal relationships, and academic pressures.

He may experience difficulty in dealing with these pressures and translating them into behavioral problems such as rebellion, arguing, or truancy, which can cause emotional distress for parents.

Despite the multitude of issues the child may present, the mother may experience feelings of desperation and distress, concerned that these challenges will negatively impact the child's growth and development.

However, as a mother, it is essential to cultivate patience, support, and understanding as a means of self-care.

Should you continue to experience distress and find it challenging to regulate your emotions, it is advisable to seek the guidance of a qualified counselor. They can assist you in developing effective strategies to cope with these challenges.

It is similarly crucial to prioritize one's own well-being and ensure adequate physical and mental health.

It is possible to identify methods of relaxation, such as meditation and walking, and to maintain healthy living habits. It is also possible to take regular breaks and relax.

Furthermore, sharing experiences with parents who have encountered similar challenges may provide reassurance that one is not alone in facing such difficulties, which may help to alleviate feelings of helplessness.

Raising a child is a lengthy and arduous process that necessitates a considerable investment of time, patience, and unwavering self-reflection on the part of the mother.

In spite of the potential for setbacks, it is important to maintain confidence in one's abilities and to persevere.

The fact that a child may have missed the optimal period for education does not imply that education is futile or has ceased to be a viable pursuit.

With sustained effort and attention, it is still possible to facilitate a child's growth and development.

Given the unique nature of each child, it is essential to implement individualized educational plans and methodologies to ensure their optimal development.

It is of the utmost importance to establish effective communication channels.

It is important to encourage your child to express their views and thoughts, and to allow them to pursue their curiosity and spirit of exploration.

This will facilitate the establishment of an open, honest, and respectful communication channel with your child, thereby enabling you to gain a deeper understanding of their thoughts and feelings, which in turn will allow you to provide more effective guidance.

Secondly, the creation of an individualized education plan is essential.

In light of the particular circumstances you have outlined regarding your child and father, it is imperative to devise an individualized education plan under the supervision of a qualified educational and psychological consultant.

Appropriate educational methods and approaches can be designed based on the child's interests, strengths, and challenges, and appropriate learning opportunities and resources can be provided.

Once more, it is essential to cultivate a positive family environment.

In collaboration with the child's father, it is possible to establish a positive, secure, and stable family environment where the child feels loved and supported.

It is essential to provide children with optimal learning and living conditions in order to facilitate the development of self-confidence and independence.

It is also important to provide feedback and support in a timely manner.

It is recommended that parents engage in regular communication with their children regarding academic matters. This communication should encompass the provision of feedback and constructive suggestions, with the aim of facilitating improvements in both academic performance and conduct.

Furthermore, it is recommended that parents engage in discussions with their children regarding their interests, aspirations, and future career objectives, thereby encouraging them to contemplate their desired life trajectory.

It is recommended that you provide support and advice to assist him in developing a feasible plan and a path to achieve his dreams.

It is our sincere hope that this information will prove to be of some assistance to you.

Hello. I can tell you're under a lot of pressure. You're worried about your child, you're upset with your husband, you're struggling physically and mentally, and you're feeling guilty.

This situation is really very difficult. Take two minutes to relax. Do a few sets of butterfly flaps and say to yourself: It is indeed very difficult right now, but I need to take care of myself as well as my family. Breathe slowly and deeply, connect with your own heart.

When there are many things to worry about, it's like a tangled ball of string. The more we pull at it, the tighter it seems to get, and we start to think negative thoughts.

The situation you're facing is more complicated and difficult. The anxiety and self-blame will be intense, which will drain your mental resources. This will make us feel powerless and lead to a vicious cycle of distress, anxiety, self-blame, exhaustion, and powerlessness.

To break this cycle, you first need to find a starting point. "Self-blame" is a breakthrough—that is, stop blaming yourself. Your child is in adolescence, which is a very changeable period of development. Most parents are confused and don't know how to get along with their children.

Many things affect a child's development. As a mother, you can't blame yourself for everything. You're trying your best in a difficult situation. Give yourself some credit.

It is important to take care of your physical and mental health. You can prioritize regulating your state of health. It is best to go to the hospital for a physical and mental examination to determine what kind of professional help you need.

In daily life, find supportive resources. If your husband can't support you, friends, family, or psychological services can help. Give yourself time and space for yourself. Do mindfulness exercises and simple yoga to feel peaceful.

Also, early childhood affects a person's psychology and behavior, but humans can change throughout their lives. The child is in the third year of high school, and he can still shape his life.

You can try to understand your child better, give him space to express himself, and listen to him without rushing to give advice. Like a rubber band, we can't keep pulling it hard. We can test and expand its elasticity a little.

Invite your husband to discuss how to be a "teammate" and get through the difficulties together. Or seek couples counseling to see more resources and methods for your life together.

Dear Question Asker,

It is important to remember that seeing words is akin to meeting people face to face. The child is experiencing a number of challenges, the husband is also prone to frustration and not particularly supportive, the psychologist is also not very supportive, and you yourself have been suffering from insomnia all night long, and your own condition is not optimal.

I understand that this may seem discouraging and that you may feel that life is challenging and full of stress. Your current situation is indeed not easy, and I want to express my support for you.

Let us examine potential avenues for improvement.

1. It is imperative to move forward and leave the past behind. You were once a mother, but you were immature and felt that you had missed the opportunity to properly educate your child.

If you continue to dwell on these emotions and feelings of self-pity, you may miss the opportunity to provide guidance and support to your child at this time. Furthermore, even if you have consistently demonstrated responsible and dedicated parenting, it does not guarantee that your child will not encounter challenges.

It is inevitable that children will encounter challenges as they navigate the complexities of adolescence. This is a natural aspect of life, and it is important to recognize that it is not something that can be avoided. Therefore, it is unnecessary to place undue blame on oneself.

2. The present moment is optimal. Your child is currently in the third year of junior high school, which presents unique challenges.

Adolescent children have highly volatile emotions due to their elevated hormone levels. When coupled with external feedback indicating their perceived inadequacies, they experience significant internal distress.

It is important to remember that improvement takes time. If you want your child to flourish, it is essential to avoid excessive criticism and blame. Instead, focus on identifying their strengths and provide positive reinforcement. Even if it is not entirely accurate, this is more constructive than simply pointing out their shortcomings.

Gradually, your child's abilities may align with your expectations. Initially, it is advisable to avoid excessive self-pressure. Instead, aim to offer one positive remark and one constructive criticism daily, and observe the results.

Furthermore, it is important to provide timely recognition to both your husband and yourself.

3. If you wish to influence others, it is first necessary to effect changes in yourself. This is a relatively straightforward process.

You have indicated that you have been experiencing insomnia for an extended period. This is undoubtedly a challenging situation. If the circumstances are significant, it may be beneficial to consult with a psychiatrist.

Furthermore, it is important not to become overly concerned about insomnia. If you are unable to sleep, it is advisable to allow yourself to fall asleep when you feel tired.

Insomnia is challenging enough on its own, but if you also have excessive worry about it, the interaction can cause even greater psychological and mental distress. At the same time, it is important to gradually adjust to a regular routine.

For instance, regardless of how well you sleep at night, you are expected to rise at the same time each morning and engage in regular exercise. During the day, you are permitted a lunch break of approximately half an hour, but you should avoid falling asleep for any longer than this.

It is recommended that you save your sleep for the night. Please refrain from looking at electronic devices for at least an hour before going to bed.

You may find it helpful to read a paperback book or listen to audiobooks or music, which can have a calming effect. You can also start with simple exercises such as walking, jogging, or jumping.

I hope these suggestions are helpful. Have a safe and productive day!

Hello,

From what you've told me, it seems like you're feeling disappointed as a mother, as are your husband and child. It's a tough situation, and it's natural to feel unsure about what to do next.

You mentioned that you missed your child's prime education period and that your child is now not doing so well.

So, what kind of child are you hoping for?

Is he really that bad?

Is there really nothing good about him?

What would you like him to be different?

What kind of child are you willing to accept?

Parents want their kids to be polite, well-behaved, motivated, and self-disciplined, but let's face it, kids aren't perfect. The good news is that it's never too late to start, whether it's early education or catching up now.

Since parents are their children's best teachers, when parents change, their children can change too.

As you mentioned, if he grows up around a grumpy father who scolds him at every turn, how will that affect his personality?

In the documentary "The Shapes of Change," there was a rich second-generation kid who used to beat up his parents. But in the documentary, he took off his necklace and walked a long way to buy his grandfather a birthday present. He did it because he felt his grandfather's love for him.

Did you show him love or dislike him?

If your own parents think you are so bad, what will motivate him to change?

It doesn't matter if he turns out to be a good person or not. He's still your child.

When he was just in your belly, did you think he'd get 985 on the exam? Did you think he'd change the world?

I'd say most parents just want their kids to be healthy and safe, with all their limbs intact.

Take a trip to the children's hospital and check out some of the kids undergoing chemotherapy. They're super obedient and adorable, but they're going through illness and pain, and their parents might even have to deal with life-and-death separation.

If your child really leaves you, will you still be disappointed in them?

There's nothing wrong with parents loving their kids and hoping they can fit in better in society.

On the one hand, parents set an example, and on the other, children receive education and learn from their peers.

Once he's ready to make a change, he'll do it on his own. It's up to parents and kids to figure out what motivates him.

Best of luck!

Hello! I'm sending you a warm hug from afar.

I'm glad you've asked for help. I'm here to support you. I can sense your inner self-blame, guilt, helplessness, confusion, and longing for understanding and support.

There are sensitive periods in children's education. This means that the nurturing of children should be based on respect for the physical and mental development of the child at each stage. For example, Piaget's theory of cognitive development in four stages and Erikson's theory of eight stages in life. If parents or important nurturers do not provide nurturing that is suitable for the child's physical and mental development stage, it does not mean that they have completely missed the opportunity to educate the child. This is because everyone is malleable, and this is the meaning of our advocacy of education.

You must understand that your awareness of mistakes in your child's early education is based on your current experience and perception. You did your best to give your child the best parenting you could at the time, and your parenting style was influenced by your perception, experience, and cognitive limitations at that time.

In other words, children are growing up, and so are parents. Otherwise, you would not be aware of the shortcomings and debts you once owed your child. Being a parent is your first time, and no one is perfect.

Your unconscious behaviors and actions in raising your children can cause trauma to your children, which is an intergenerational transmission of trauma from your own childhood.

As parents, we must forgive ourselves, accept our unconscious indebtedness and harm to our children, let go of the expectation of being perfect parents, and accept that we are good enough parents.

When we realize the trauma caused to our children by some of our unconscious behaviors and immature verbal behavior, we must be willing to change. First, we must accept our own immature behaviors of the past. Only when we can be tolerant of ourselves can we devote more energy to trying to seek better self-growth and self-change.

I'd like to hear your thoughts on this.

At the same time, you must understand that everyone has a strong resilience and ability to withstand setbacks. Your child can fully sense your love for them from the bottom of your heart, and the harm caused by your immature behavior will not affect your parent-child relationship to a great extent, because children store their parents' memories in a visual way.

A child who has entered adolescence needs respect, trust, understanding, approval, and affirmation. They also need space to be alone with themselves. They will gradually shift from attachment and closeness to their parents to their peers.

You must be aware of this. You may want to compensate your child for something you feel you have done wrong, but if you are not aware of this part of your psychology, you may overcompensate. For example, if you give your child too much attention, it will make the child feel interfered with, controlled, and not trusted or respected. This is contrary to the child's physical and mental development needs at this stage. The more you do, the stronger the child's resistance will be. What do you think?

A parent's love for their child is always about separation. Especially with children in adolescence, a parent's best love is to accept, allow, and accept them to try to make choices and decisions for their own lives and take responsibility for them.

You must lead from afar and be there for your child as a strong support when they need it.

Read the books The Awakening of Parents and We Have All Been Hurt, But We Have a Better Life.

Hello!

From your description, I can see you're confused and helpless. But you're also good at recognizing your emotions and facing them.

You had a child when you were immature and don't know how to educate it. Your husband doesn't help. You've sought counseling, but your husband is indifferent and creates negative emotions.

Your child is in the third year of junior high school and may be going through a rebellious phase. This has made you feel helpless, angry, and frustrated. Is that right?

You seem caught in an emotional quagmire. I give you a warm hug.

All problems are resources. We can solve our own problems. We can't change other people, but we can influence others by changing ourselves.

You've started to change by coming here. You need to become strong so you can support your child and stay calm. You'll be able to help yourself and your child.

I have some suggestions that I hope will help.

Don't worry about the bills or the children. Find a counselor to help you relax.

You need to be strong to influence your husband and children.

You can always change your mind and feel better. All problems help us grow.

If you want to face life with more courage, you have to learn to love yourself and become more confident and stronger.

Everyone can solve their own problems, including your child. Maybe you were negligent in his education at one time, and he encountered some problems when he was young. But I believe and hope that as long as you can adjust yourself,

Guide, support, and strengthen your children. You can.

Influence your children and give them strength.

Finally, I want to tell you, dear.

The most important thing is you. If you get yourself adjusted, your life will get better. Your family will become happier. Don't worry about others. Just be yourself.

Heal yourself.

Dear question asker, It is a pleasure to meet you.

I can imagine how difficult it must be for you, seeing your child in pain. Parenting is a challenging task, and it's natural to feel unsure about how to handle things.

It is possible that your child's difficulties are causing you some distress. Junior high school students may also experience pressure when thinking about entering high school.

I once had the opportunity to work with a child in the second year of junior high school whose family situation and personality were similar to those you have described. The parents were employed in the school cafeteria, the father had a short temper, and the mother was somewhat passive.

The child's grades are not as strong as they could be, he has a crush, sometimes runs away from home, and compares himself with his classmates by buying expensive shoes and clothes. This has caused some concern for the parents. Therefore, the parents have been looking for a tutor for him, hoping to help him succeed in high school.

My friend and I took him to study, and through 8 hours of tutoring a week, he showed improvement of 50-100 points every month. He has now gone from scoring less than 300 to surpassing 500, which is a notable achievement. Apart from studying, we also spend a few hours playing his favorite sport, badminton, with him.

We have had the privilege of becoming good friends with him. Through this friendship, we have discovered that he truly desires the presence and recognition of his parents. His academic performance has also improved, making it less of an obstacle in his path to entering high school.

This example may be somewhat unconventional and not necessarily applicable to everyone. It is simply offered as a reference point. If circumstances allow, it might be beneficial to consider finding a tutor for your child and allowing them to select their own resumes. This could potentially have a subtle yet positive impact on your child's life.

It might be the case that hiring a tutor is not necessary. As long as circumstances allow and the child's wishes are reasonable, it could be beneficial to spend more time with your child doing the things they enjoy.

It is often said that it is best to talk to children in person, face-to-face, before they reach the age of six.

Once your child reaches the age of six, it might be helpful to gradually switch to sitting side by side. While children under the age of six tend to care about your attention, teenagers often prefer not to be "stared at," but rather to be able to talk to you as friends. This can make it more likely for them to open up.

Every child has their own unique journey of growth and development, and they may encounter a range of challenges during their adolescent years. It might be helpful to communicate with your child in a honest and open manner to gain a deeper understanding of their thoughts and feelings, and to collaborate with them in finding solutions to the issues they are facing.

Regarding your husband, his behavior may lead you to feel frustrated and desperate. However, it's important to remember that changing other people is often challenging. You might consider trying to communicate with him in a different way or seeking support from other family members or friends.

It would be beneficial for you to take care of your own physical and mental health as well. You might consider trying some relaxing activities, such as going for a walk after dinner or sitting quietly drinking tea in your free time. Your physical and mental health is of the utmost importance.

If I may, I would like to suggest two books that you might enjoy reading in your spare time.

1. "The Education of Love" places great emphasis on the vital role that parental love, respect, and trust play in a child's development. It offers a wealth of practical family education methods and techniques that may be beneficial for parents to explore.

2. I would like to suggest the book "Children Are Not Your Property" by the famous American psychologist Rosemary Frem as a valuable resource for family education. It offers a wealth of practical advice and methods for understanding children's psychology and behavior.

I hope that by combining our knowledge and actions, we can create a happy life for ourselves.

Dear Questioner, I can relate to your situation and I empathize with your feelings of helplessness. It's challenging to raise children when you and your child are both still developing. I hope the following suggestions will be helpful for you:

It is important to take care of your emotions. It is also important to be aware that depression is a common mental illness that requires professional treatment.

It may be helpful to seek the guidance of a psychologist as soon as possible, as they can provide more effective treatment options. At the same time, it might be beneficial to try to relieve stress and improve sleep quality through exercise, meditation, reading, etc.

It would be beneficial to communicate with your husband. Open and honest communication about your feelings and confusion is important. It is also helpful to let your husband know that you need his support and understanding.

It might be helpful to try to find ways to educate your child together, or to consider taking some family education courses to improve your mutual educational abilities.

It might be helpful to consider changing the way you communicate with your child. The third year of junior high school can be a challenging time, when children may face pressure related to further education and other issues. It could be beneficial to try adjusting the way you communicate with your child, listening to their thoughts and confusions, and offering them support and encouragement.

It would be advisable to avoid overly harsh criticism and accusations, as this may have the unintended consequence of making the child more rebellious.

It might be helpful to consider seeking external support if the communication with the school psychologist is not as effective as you would like. You could look into the services of educational experts or school counselors, for example. They may be able to provide more specific and targeted advice.

It may be helpful to build a support system. This could include family, friends, or other community organizations. They can provide emotional support and advice to help you get through this difficult period.

It would be beneficial to take care of your health. Eating well and exercising regularly can help you cope with stress and challenges.

If I might make one more suggestion, it would be to remember that you are not alone in this battle. It may be helpful to seek help and support when facing difficulties.

I hope you will consider actively seeking treatment, adjusting your mentality, and working through this challenging period with your husband and children. I wish you a speedy recovery and a brighter future.

Greetings.

The parent perceives the child to be experiencing significant challenges during their junior high school year and exhibits harsh judgment of the child. The parent is markedly concerned about the child's well-being.

As a result, you experience a significant psychological burden. You believe that your past educational experiences have been inadequate and that your current approach to parenting is flawed, which has led to a range of challenges with your child. You hold yourself responsible and experience feelings of guilt.

You are uncertain of your next steps and have sought your husband's guidance in modifying your child's behavior. However, your husband lacks the necessary skills to educate effectively and often responds with anger. Despite repeated attempts at communication, you have not achieved a resolution.

Given that your husband is unable to provide assistance, you are uncertain about how to proceed. You perceive a lack of control as you observe your child experiencing distress. You are experiencing a profound sense of despair, a worsening of your depressive symptoms, and an inability to obtain sufficient rest.

Subsequently, the patient experienced abdominal discomfort and emesis. This was a particularly distressing episode. The author offers the patient a gesture of comfort from a distance, with the hope that it will provide some degree of solace.

You have demonstrated remarkable resilience and have endured significant challenges.

The patient is currently experiencing severe somatic symptoms that are significantly impacting their sleep. If the patient has a history of depression, there is a possibility that they are experiencing a relapse. It is recommended that the patient seek the expertise of a psychiatrist to assess and determine the severity of their depression.

It is imperative that the medication be taken as prescribed, as doing so will reduce the level of suffering.

Furthermore, you have sought the counsel of a psychologist, yet this has not proved beneficial. It appears that neither of these professionals is receptive to your concerns.

It is possible that neither of these two counselors is an optimal match for your needs and may not fully comprehend your internal experiences. You may wish to consider seeking the guidance of another counselor who is better aligned with your preferences and circumstances. Additionally, seeking answers through this platform is a viable option.

Inquiring is also an indication of one's courage and capability.

If your husband and children do not comprehend your perspective, it is likely that the counselor will also be unable to do so. Could it be that your depression has caused you to form an erroneous judgment?

The evaluation of your child's situation is severely flawed. Is this an erroneous assumption? You perceive your child to be experiencing significant challenges at this time. Is this an inaccurate conclusion?

It is plausible that the issues your child is currently experiencing are a consequence of the pubertal transition and may be regarded as a typical response to this developmental stage.

Additionally, family counseling may be beneficial. It would be advisable to seek out a counselor who specializes in systemic family counseling to facilitate this process. This could help identify any potential disturbances or impacts within the family system. If the family system undergoes a change, it may lead to a shift in perspective, potentially leading to the resolution of the problem.

It is imperative that you love yourself as well as the world and others.