Mom is always so calm at her parents' house, but at ours she's so moody?

Good day. I extend my sincerest regards to you in the form of a 360-degree hug.

In her family of origin, she exhibited a peaceful and content demeanor. However, in my family, she displayed moodiness and unpredictability. It can be stated that my mother exhibited two distinct personas in different environments and with different individuals.

From your inquiries, it is evident that your mother exhibits varying behaviors with different individuals.

Regarding your mother's relationship with her family of origin, it is my understanding that her temperament was notably absent. Alternatively, I would characterize her demeanor as emotionally composed.

Please describe the nature of your mother's relationships with her family of origin, including the quality and tone of their interactions. In your question, the family of origin demonstrated a relatively high level of education. Additionally, your mother did not express any negative sentiments about her family of origin.

The relationship between your mother and her neighbors was relatively amicable. If a neighbor was late getting up, your mother would say, "You're up late today."

The relationship between your mother and her in-laws was characterized by a tendency to be on the defensive, engage in heated exchanges, display hostile body language, and engage in constant criticism of your father's family. The underlying reason for this dynamic, as you have indicated, is your father's perceived irresponsibility and lack of commitment.

You have previously indicated that you do not view your mother in a positive light.

Your summary is that in your mother's psychological intimacy, there is a discrepancy between how outsiders and in-laws perceive her, and how family members and your father's relatives perceive her.

It is likely that your father was the source of the greatest level of dissatisfaction.

I believe you are aware of the reason. Your question compares your mother's interactions with different individuals, some of whom are pleasant and some of whom are disagreeable.

While your mother displays an ability to remain calm and smile in other contexts, this ability seems to disappear when she interacts with your father, you, and your family's relatives.

There is only one reason: the atmosphere of emotional peace has disappeared. To illustrate this with an example, imagine a husband who does nothing and is a hands-off boss, and a daughter who often says she is no good. It is reasonable to assume that the daughter would be grumpy too.

This is solely from the perspective of a daughter who is dissatisfied with her mother. I am unaware of how your grandparents, aunts, and uncles in your family treated your mother.

This aspect was not covered in the original text, but it seems unlikely that the relationship was particularly amicable.

You indicated that my father was the source of her greatest dissatisfaction. I am curious as to how your parents came to be married.

It was a marriage of convenience, or perhaps a forced marriage. Given that your mother's family had a higher level of education, it seems unlikely that they would have chosen to marry your father. Additionally, your mother was not very old at the time, and it is possible that she was already in love or at least had met and gotten to know your father before the marriage. However, you also mentioned that your father was the person she was least satisfied with.

Was she dissatisfied from the outset? Based on my experience, if she was dissatisfied from the outset, given her age, she could have declined the proposal.

In other words, even if there was no deep emotional foundation at the beginning, at least your mother agreed to marry your father of her own accord. However, there seems to have been a significant discrepancy between your parents' expectations and their actual compatibility. Why did your father end up being the person your mother was most dissatisfied with?

Please provide further details regarding the circumstances that transpired between these two points in time. It is likely that these events are the root cause of her erratic behavior within your family.

As a daughter, your phrasing of the question indicates that you view your mother as an outsider. You mention "her family, her family members, her family home," which is an unusual choice of words. It also suggests that you are not close to your mother and that you may have always regarded her as an outsider in your family.

It is possible that you do not consider your mother's family to be your own.

This dynamic is evident in your relationship with your father and, undoubtedly, in your interactions with your grandparents, who likely perceive your mother as an outsider. Her constant defensiveness indicates a pervasive sense of insecurity and a need to protect herself.

A person in a defensive state is not in a relaxed state by nature.

It is likely that your mother only feels warmth from those outside of her immediate family, and she returns that warmth.

If an individual has positive interactions with most people but struggles with their spouse and children, it may indicate that they have expectations of their spouse and children but are disappointed. Additionally, they may be reluctant to give up these expectations, which could contribute to emotional instability.

If she has no expectations and is disillusioned, she may even request a divorce directly.

It is therefore my assessment that the disparate states exhibited by your mother are a result of inadequate support from your family of three, or an underlying issue in her marriage to your father. The question you posed indicates the presence of a significant challenge.

A strong marriage is the foundation of a healthy family.

Given the circumstances, there is little you can do to influence your mother's behavior. It would be beneficial for your parents to seek family therapy, during which your father would need to make some adjustments.

In addition, it is evident that you hold a bias against your mother and perceive her through a distorted lens. This is an important issue that requires your attention. I recommend consulting with a psychologist to address this matter.

I am a counselor who is often Buddhist and sometimes pessimistic, occasionally positive, and motivated. I extend my best wishes to you and the world.

In this story, there is a father who "slaps his hands," an excited mother, relatives, and family members. In this interlocking story, you are not the one who needs to change the most. But for some reason, you are silently working hard for the change you want, and that is something to be proud of!

But before there is any change, I want to say to you that it is only natural to feel aggrieved when reading your description. Mum and dad are very important people to us, and if they must be treated differently, everyone would like to be the one who is treated specially – and you can be!

You feel that your mother could be a little gentler. This is not a criticism, nor are you blaming your mother; it is a normal longing and expectation on our part as children.

I bet you have a lot on your mind! It's possible you're holding back because you're worried or have had a bad experience and haven't told your mother.

For example, you are worried about how your father feels and you really want to make sure he's not upset.

My advice for dealing with stress is simple: give yourself some time and allow yourself to let go of your parents' hands and give yourself a hug! Things might not get better right away, but they won't get worse either.

But the good news is that it is possible to make yourself feel a little easier for the time being!

What kind of environment makes you feel relaxed and secure? What kind of things make you happy?

Who can you rely on when doing something together?

These questions will help you find ways to "protect yourself"!

When change doesn't happen quickly, we can still be observers! Below, I have listed some assumptions about why mothers are prone to becoming agitated. Most likely, none of them are correct. You can also make your own assumptions when you're ready!

1. Your mother's behavior at home has made you more sensitive to your father's feelings and improved your relationship with him!

2. Mom needs to attract your attention in dramatic ways!

3. Mom could really benefit from learning how to express her needs!

4. Mom is looking for common ground with you, which is great!

5. Mom is looking for a way to express herself and find happiness in life!

Now, if you observe her for a while, what assumptions will you make?

My dear,

In nature, there is an animal called the chameleon, whose skin color changes adaptively with the surrounding environment, which is called "protective color" in biology. People change in a similar way. We will all adapt more or less in different environments and in front of different people. This is adaptation, and your mother's state is just more prominent. The reason for this state is likely as you expected.

It could be said that human nature is defined by a number of key characteristics, including the ability to survive, adapt to local conditions, seek out benefits and avoid harm. It is often the case that different attitudes emerge as a result of a combination of factors, including the external environment, self-perception and social influence.

From what your mother said, it seems that she was quite educated and that she was not happy with your father. Our feelings can affect how we see things, which can then affect how we act. If a mother is educated, she will usually try to keep up a positive image, so she will probably seem kind and gracious. However, when she feels so strongly that she rejects her own family because her father did not do what she wanted, it also shows how she feels on the inside. Her family's response to her is probably a way of showing that they are there for her and that they are letting her work things out on her own.

We understand the situation fully. While we cannot fully improve the situation, we should not blame ourselves and we must not let it affect the way we deal with other people. Our mother's behavior and attitude were not directed at you; she was simply unable to control her emotions.

Perhaps we can learn from this not only to establish a good attitude towards marriage and love, to better manage our own lives, and not to vent our misfortunes on future generations, but also to interrupt this plague of negative emotions. We might also learn from this not only to establish a good attitude towards marriage and love, to better manage our own lives, and not to vent our misfortunes on future generations, but also to interrupt this plague of negative emotions. We could even learn from this not only to establish a good attitude towards marriage and love, to better manage our own lives, and not to vent our misfortunes on future generations, but also to interrupt this plague of negative emotions. We might even learn from this not only to establish a good attitude towards marriage and love, to better manage our own lives, and not to vent our misfortunes on future generations, but also to interrupt this plague of negative emotions. We could even learn from this not only to establish a good attitude towards marriage and love, to better manage our own lives, and not to vent our misfortunes on future generations, but also to interrupt this plague of negative emotions.

It is important to recognize that an unhappy marriage can have a significant impact on a woman's emotional well-being. It is therefore crucial to understand the psychological effects of such a situation in order to avoid further negative outcomes.

Hello, I'm Xin Tan, Coach Fei Yun. 2023 is going to be a happy year.

This is a very challenging issue, and it's clear that every woman experiences it to a greater or lesser extent. It's like the double standard we often talk about: you are one way with your family of origin, but another way with your husband's family. It may sound strange, but it's obvious that it's the same person. At home, she is a "good daughter," but why does she become an "evil daughter-in-law" at her husband's family?

This leads me to believe that when there is an inherent pattern in the other person, such as laziness in a man, it is because the wife has either done something to "achieve" and "help" the man's laziness or not done something to "achieve" and "help" the man's laziness. For example, if the wife does too much, the man will become dependent. If the wife does not communicate effectively about the man's laziness, expressing her own views and feelings, the man will remain dependent.

We will discuss and share the different emotions and reactions of mothers.

?1. Emotional catharsis

Your mother treats her family with less kindness and gentleness than outsiders. She often speaks ill of your father and his family. Your father is passive and irresponsible. These behaviors are likely the result of her emotional repression towards your father and his family.

A husband and wife grow together, achieve together, and nourish each other. A man is satisfied when his wife makes him feel secure, valued, and cared for. A woman is satisfied when her husband feels valued and fulfilled. Men tend to like women who are more feminine, at least at home.

Appreciation and admiration make a man feel accomplished.

It doesn't matter if you're a man or a woman: when your emotional needs aren't met, you'll feel aggrieved, angry, and resentful. And behind that anger is a sense of powerlessness over yourself.

People are emotional creatures. When emotions are suppressed and their partner does not understand, accept, or recognize them, they will look for other ways to vent, such as attacking internally (depression) or externally (arguing/fighting).

My mother found someone to talk to, which helped her temporarily let go of her worries and leave the "field" of "home"/"husband," which could easily make her emotional.

This behavior allows each member of the family to maintain a certain amount of space. Even if it is only a brief moment of happiness and a temporary family relationship that is safe and sound, it is a kind of protection for everyone.

Show your mother more understanding, separate her actions from her identity, and accept her. When you do this, she will be seen, understood, and accepted by you. The space inside her will expand, and her emotions will change.

This is a life issue for mom and dad, and the real solution is in their relationship.

2. Emotional nourishment

You said your mother spoke highly of your family of origin, which makes you feel aggrieved and resentful on behalf of your father and his family.

You are also a girl, and you don't know if you will get married or not. Put yourself in their shoes. In this world, the only people who can accept you unconditionally are your parents. Parents can even give up their own lives for their children.

Children feel 100% safe at their parents' home. This deep sense of happiness comes mainly from the feeling of being understood, accepted, and protected.

You need to try to understand your parents from the perspective of a stranger. You need to understand their love, marriage, and their respective growth processes. You will see a different side and have an additional opportunity to re-understand your parents.

I am confident that the above will be helpful to you. The world and I love you. ?

If you want to continue communicating, click "Find a coach" in the upper right corner or at the bottom. I will communicate and grow with you one-on-one.

Dear Questioner,

You have provided a realistic and detailed account.

You may be curious as to why your mother behaves in such a different manner.

I would be delighted to share my knowledge with you and look forward to discussing it with you further.

1. Each individual possesses multiple personas, though the mother figure may be the most outwardly expressive.

In his theory, Jung proposed the concept of the personality mask.

In summary, the outermost layer of the personality system is referred to as the "personality mask," which is an illusion that conceals the true self in the presence of others.

The theory of personality masks posits that individuals will utilize distinct masks in varying contexts.

For example, a mother's behavior may differ significantly depending on the setting. It could be observed that her conduct at her parents' home differs from how she behaves in the presence of others, including her husband's parents.

It is important to note that individuals possess multiple facets and present themselves in varying ways depending on the situation and the audience.

As with any individual, there can be significant discrepancies in behavior.

In the context of the home environment, a child may display behaviours that are the opposite of those exhibited at school.

Your mother grew up in her mother's family, so she is familiar with that kind of environment. It is possible that she had a very good temper and never said a bad word about her family before she got married.

Furthermore, her dissatisfaction with her father may manifest as nitpicking and a bad temper, as she has no outlet for her frustration.

This may also be a way for her to protect herself from being hurt.

It is also possible that she has not been treated well, which may manifest as a less positive demeanor.

As long as the mother can reconcile herself, this will not have a significant impact on her, but it may cause difficulties for you.

2. What steps can be taken to improve the situation?

At times, we develop patterns in our interactions.

For instance, if the mother has cohabited with the father for an extended period and has amassed a considerable amount of resentment towards him due to his perceived inaction and lack of responsibility, she is likely to direct that resentment towards his relatives.

In the end, her negative attitude will continue to affect her mother, perpetuating a vicious cycle.

Sometimes, people's reactions are involuntary.

In her own home, her mother's impatience will be evident.

Furthermore, she may be accustomed to a gentle and friendly environment in her parents' home, where her family members are likely to treat her similarly. This creates a stark contrast.

If we wish to see an improvement in the way our mothers treat us, we can attempt to break this cycle.

As an example, going forward, it would be beneficial to refrain from judging your mother and instead focus on understanding her perspective and communicating effectively with her.

In order to gain insight into the root cause of the issue, it would be beneficial to inquire about the specific circumstances that led to her negative perception of her father and his relatives.

Has she been treated with sufficient respect in this family?

Please describe the reasons for your mother's lack of patience.

Have you attempted to convey your expectations regarding the manner in which you would like your mother to treat you?

Furthermore, instances of exemplary maternal behavior can be identified.

As an illustration, when you are intermittently indisposed, does your mother also demonstrate care and affection?

How would she behave if you were to listen to her very much?

Additionally, inquire if her resentment of her father extends to his daughter.

It is not uncommon for mothers to harbor negative feelings towards their fathers because their daughters resemble them.

It is simply a matter of refraining from interacting with her in ways that are not conducive to a positive outcome.

All relationships are the result of interactions.

It may be beneficial to focus on her strengths and provide positive reinforcement, rather than dwelling on her shortcomings. This approach could potentially lead to a gradual change in her behavior.

These actions are not only beneficial for your mother, but also for your own personal well-being and happiness.

Please disseminate these details.

Should you be interested, I would recommend reading the book The Mask of the Mind.

Best regards,

Hopefully, my answer can be of some help to you.

Reading your description, I thought of my mother. It's really quite similar. I didn't understand before, and I also felt that my mother shouldn't care about her family. She was grumpy with the people in her own family. My mother said, "I used to be very gentle, but after I got married and had you guys, I got grumpy." Later, I gave birth to a child myself. I never used to lose my temper, but when my child was one and a half years old, I couldn't hold it in anymore. I suddenly realized that I was becoming just like my mother and repeating her patterns.

I suddenly had a bit of an insight. Later on, I studied psychology and learned more about my own patterns and why my mother behaved the way she did. I spoke to my mother and gradually influenced her, encouraging her to change her behaviour and promote family harmony and communication.

My advice to you is:

Your mother may scold you at home whenever you disagree with her because she feels it's the best way to deal with family problems. Or, she may feel safest in her own home, so she expresses herself and presents herself in the most authentic way.

Maybe your mom has tried to be gentle at home before, but it didn't help her solve the problem. When she scolds, she can quickly get the effect she wants, so she got used to this way. Only when a person is in a relatively safe environment will she dare to express her anger. If, after expressing her anger, she'll be hurt or in danger, she won't express it. For example, when she's at her parents' house or with outsiders, if she expresses her anger, will she be attacked and refuted by others, affecting her relationship with outsiders?

However, when she scolds you at home, you're still there for her, you still care about her, and this home is still a home. So, she's able to express her anger and release it by scolding.

This shows that this pattern is beneficial to your mother, so it's not easy for her to change. It also shows that your mother feels safe at home and that you've given her enough security, so she shows her true self.

2. You can try talking to your mother, telling her what you need and want from her, and also listening to what she needs. If her needs are met, she won't feel the need to express them by scolding.

I don't know if we've ever talked to our mothers about our feelings and needs. In the past, I never told my mother what I wanted or expected from her, so she kept treating me the same way. Later, I started communicating with her sincerely and effectively. I did it for the well-being of the whole family and for her own good, so she was willing to listen to me.

When she starts to scold me, I don't criticize or accuse her. I know this is her pattern, and it's not easy to do this, but I must try to accept her and see that she is just like this in her pattern and existence. This way, I won't have strong emotions when she says something about you.

Then, calmly express your feelings and needs: "Mom, when you say things like that to me, I feel sad, uncomfortable, and a little angry. I hope you can be gentler with me and respect my feelings. In the future, can you tell me what you need from me instead of scolding me?" When you keep communicating with her in this way, it will also inspire her to think about what her needs really are. When she finds her own needs and tells you, and you can really meet her needs, then naturally she will not scold.

If you can help her meet her needs through peaceful expression, it could really make your family more harmonious and happy.

I hope this is helpful for you. Best wishes!

Greetings!

From the description of the relative, "intimacy: outsiders > relatives > family." This suggests that family should be the optimal context for intimacy.

She frequently speaks disparagingly of the men in her father's family, and there are even instances of conflict. However, I have never heard her utter a single unkind word about anyone related to her mother's family. Could it be that her mother's family is highly educated and refined?

It is not necessarily the case that they are more educated, but there are other differences. They are both his family members, yet the discrepancy is so pronounced as to be striking.

When she is at her parents' residence, she exhibits a strikingly different demeanor, displaying a notable absence of irritability. Let us endeavor to elucidate the underlying causes of her conduct.

It can be reasonably assumed that the majority of individuals would agree that their own family is the best. This sentiment is undoubtedly shared by your mother.

The familial relationships of one's mother are those of one's relatives, yet for the individual in question, they are also her family. This is due to the fact that they were born and raised in that family unit, and thus have a profound emotional connection to it.

☞It would be beneficial to consider the situation from their perspective. It is likely that you perceive your family to be the most optimal, and it is probable that your mother shares this sentiment. She, too, was a daughter to another family.

It can be reasonably assumed that my mother's lack of affinity for my father's family is at least partially attributable to the fact that my father is a relatively hands-off manager.

The concept of "home" can be defined as a place where a mother and father work together to provide support for their children.

However, if a family relies on a single individual to perform all the tasks, it can be a significant source of stress. While the father may be engaged in remunerative activities, the mother is also engaged in the management of the domestic unit.

It is a common perception that the role of a housewife is devoid of value and that they should simply "do it." It is considered normal for housewives to experience fatigue from caring for their children, and they are expected to persevere through this burden.

One might inquire whether this is an equitable arrangement for her.

Upon entering the household, one encounters a plethora of provisions, including sustenance, attire, lodging, and implements. These resources are not simply magically created; they are the result of considerable effort and input. If the contributions of the matriarch are overlooked and regarded as an inherent right, it is only logical that she would harbor feelings of discontent.

It is evident that the mother harbors a considerable degree of resentment towards her husband's family. This is an issue that can be addressed through open communication.

When a mother marries a father, it is akin to her relocating from the family home she has known since childhood to an entirely unfamiliar environment. This unfamiliar setting is the sole location she is acquainted with her father.

In contrast, the father was not compelled to relinquish his established environment, surrounded by familiar individuals and the family that had been a constant presence since his childhood.

It would be interesting to speculate how your mother felt in such an unfamiliar environment. Furthermore, after she married into the family, your father was a "hands-off" boss. This raises the question of how your mother felt in that situation.

After my mother married into the family, did the father's family treat her as one of their own? It would be interesting to know whether you have observed this situation.

It is not always the case that what one sees and hears is accurate. To ascertain the truth, one must observe and feel with one's heart.

There may be a rationale behind her conduct, potentially a personality trait. Alternatively, she may have been wronged, and while she could only tolerate the situation in silence when she first arrived, she is now expressing defiance.

It is therefore necessary to determine whether the mother's behaviour is a result of her own internal factors or whether it is influenced by external factors. It is possible that only the parent can observe their own feelings.

One may also inquire with the mother to ascertain the reason.

The preceding statements represent my personal opinion and should be taken as such. I ask for forgiveness if any of the content is deemed inappropriate.

It sounds like a challenging but rewarding situation. Family relationships are complex and full of opportunities for growth and understanding.

I have a feeling that you're not totally happy with your relationship with your mom. Maybe you'd like to see her have a better relationship with her family. But your mom is an individual with her own thoughts and needs. She may want to feel happier and more comfortable in her relationship with her family and with people outside of it.

This doesn't mean she doesn't love or respect her family. It just means she has different needs in different relationships!

As a counselor, I'm excited to offer my analysis of the problem you described:

Let's dive into your mother's fascinating example! She displayed different temperaments in different family situations, which led to her being unpopular with her family but popular with relatives and outsiders. This suggests she used different personas in different situations to cope with different situations. It also shows she preferred to show her "good" side in front of relatives and outsiders.

Persona is the fascinating concept that describes the different external behaviors, attitudes, and languages that a person displays in different environments and situations. It is a social behavior pattern based on self-awareness, and an imaginary image created by people in order to gain the recognition and resources they need in social environments.

Humans absolutely need to use personality masks! It's a great way to gain more recognition and support in social environments. By displaying different personality masks, people can adapt to the needs of the environment and gain more social recognition.

And there's more! The personality mask can also help people suppress their inner emotions and express inappropriate opinions, thereby protecting their personal interests.

Jung was convinced that personality masks are an essential part of social life. It's a great way for us humans to gain recognition and support in social environments!

By displaying different personality masks, people can adapt to the needs of the environment and gain more social recognition. In addition, personality masks can also help people suppress their inner emotions and express inappropriate opinions, thereby protecting personal interests.

Jung also made an intriguing suggestion: that our personalities can be like masks, showing only a tiny fraction of who we truly are or even being completely at odds with our authentic selves. This means that when we're excessively enthusiastic or obsessed with a particular role, it can come at a cost, throwing off our personality development. But it doesn't stop there! If our masks are too unrealistic, they can impact our physical and mental health, as well as our social relationships.

So, it's important to be aware of when you're using a personality mask and avoid any unnecessary effects!

Second, you describe how your mother often spoke ill of your family and your father, but never spoke ill of her own family. This may indicate that she preferred her own relatives and had grievances against your family and your father.

Finally, you describe your father's inaction, which led to this situation. This may indicate that your father did not deal with family problems in a timely and effective manner, and did not support and help your mother with her emotions and behavior. This is a great opportunity for you to learn more about your father's actions and how they affect your family dynamic.

I highly recommend that you and both parents engage in nonviolent communication to resolve the above two issues. Nonviolent Communication (NVC) is an amazing communication technique that helps people express their needs and feelings more effectively and listen to the needs and feelings of others in communication.

This communication method emphasizes honesty, sincerity, and respect in communication, so as to generate empathy and understanding in communication. Learning non-violent communication will not only improve your interpersonal skills, but it will also help you gain more self-confidence and self-esteem!

I highly recommend that you learn non-violent communication! It will help you better handle interpersonal relationships, enhance your communication skills, and improve your self-expression. I hope you can actively participate and benefit from it!

I highly recommend Dr. Luxemburg's "Nonviolent Communication"!

I'm so excited to tell you about the basic principles of non-violent communication!

Speaking from the heart is a wonderful way to express your own needs and feelings. It's a great way to avoid making judgments or accusations about others!

Listen to others! Make sure you listen carefully to their needs and feelings in communication.

It's so important to try to understand the position and reasons of others!

Focus on problem solving! It's a great way to find solutions to problems rather than blaming others.

Nonviolent communication is an amazing tool that can help improve interpersonal relationships, enhance communication efficiency, and create more understanding and cooperation in exchanges!

[1] For an incredible reference on all things psychology, look no further than the Encyclopedia of the Great Dictionary, Psychology Volume by Xia Zhengnong and Chen Zhili (2013), published by the Shanghai Dictionary Publishing House.

Hello, question asker! Before I answer, let's hug. I can see your sense of grievance, anger, and confusion in your words, but I also see a longing for a warm home and unconditional acceptance and love.

Many of us spend our entire lives searching for such a home and such family members. Some people are lucky enough to have a high-quality family of origin and use their childhood to heal the emotional wounds brought on by the storms and trials of adulthood. But some people just keep running, just to find a reliable, warm haven. They work hard to live a stable, warm life that an ordinary person should have.

All living beings suffer. The only way to escape is to help yourself.

Yes, everyone has their own suffering, whether their family is happy or not. There's no such thing as truly empathizing with another person.

I advise you not to communicate with your mother or try to understand her. It's unlikely she'll listen, and it'll only make things worse. You're not in the same situation, so it's hard for you to empathize. You're unmarried and childless, and your mother is old and unhappy. You need to find a way to move on.

Everyone has their own growth issues, and while others can help, they cannot replace them. How your mother gets along with her own family of origin and how she gets along with her current family are her own issues. There is only so much others can do to help. If she herself is unable to think things through and get out of it, even immortals would have a hard time. And that is her own life issue. Even if it is bitter, she has to swallow it herself. If she herself has the motivation and willingness to change, the help, guidance, and inspiration of others will be helpful.

You know there's a problem with the way your family interacts, and you want to change it. That's why you're here, talking about it. Your mother may also be aware of the problem, but she doesn't want to change the situation. Why not?

She needs an outlet for her emotions, so she doesn't see anything wrong with her. She needs an excuse for her dissatisfaction with life and even for her perceived failure. She believes she should be happy, but her current family makes her unhappy. It's difficult for her to give you a smile because her heart is cold. She can't give you warmth.

You desire warm love, but your mother and your original family cannot give it to you. You feel aggrieved and angry. All living beings are suffering, and they can only save themselves. This desire cannot be fulfilled by your mother at this stage or even in your entire life. What should you do?

You have two options: You can either wait for your mother to change, or you can change her. Either way, it's going to be difficult, and it'll lead to disappointment and despair. You know people have limits, and you'll feel even more aggrieved and angry.

Find happiness elsewhere. Create your own haven and live independently. What improvements are needed for your studies and work?

You need to find close friends and a field you like. You need to find someone or something you like.

Make your life more interesting and full of warmth.

Warm yourself up first, then you can warm others. Your mother can't do it now, but you're still young, with the potential to grow and learn. You have more resources and channels to learn from, and you can start exploring ways to make yourself and your life warmer. Only then can you warm those around you. Your goal is to warm yourself up for the sake of warming yourself up. Don't put the cart before the horse. Even if you can't warm others, it's still good to be warm yourself.

Your mother will either be motivated by you or change on her own. Either way, she will live like this for the rest of her life, with just a few different faces. She is at peace with herself and comfortable with herself. It doesn't matter if she doesn't change because you have already established the ability to make yourself happy. You are no longer afraid of the storms that anyone or anything can bring.

Some people are able to forge ahead fearlessly because they have their parents as a safety net, while others have to rely on themselves. When we are young, we may complain about an unfair fate, but when you have been through thick and thin, you will realize that every fate has a price tag. Those who cannot rely on their parents and have to rely on themselves are less afraid of the hardships in the world because they know that our parents will all leave, and they will all leave as independent individuals. We will also continue to live as independent individuals, and ultimately, we will have to rely on ourselves.

This may sound pessimistic, but it's true: if the end of the human story is always death, then living with love, with expectations, and with hope towards death, and completing one's life's tasks, is the only fulfilling life.

We are all people carrying our own burdens forward, and the road conditions beneath our feet may be beyond our control. But we can control the weight and shape of our hearts. We can make them substantial and textured, or we can make them light and happy. Either way, they will be warmed by the lifestyle and attitude we choose for ourselves. They can always be warm.

Come on, young friend! You still have many opportunities and a long way to go. You can do this!

Hello, question asker!

I am a healing practitioner, and I would love to give you a big hug! Is it true that my mother is happy in her family, but moody in my family?

Happy families are all the same, but unhappy families are each unhappy in their own way. In a family, the father is the mountain, giving us a safe harbor and support, while the mother is the family style, giving us stability and tenderness. How can there be so much peace and quiet? There is only the burden of moving forward, and it's up to you to carry it or have someone else carry it for you.

On the surface, things seem calm and peaceful, but there are always exciting undercurrents! My mother is the role model for the family. The prosperity of a family cannot be separated from the efforts of the parents, and even more so from the tender influence of the mother on the original and new families. My mother was obedient in her own family when she was a daughter, but in reality she was really suppressing herself. It was only once she had her own family and the power to make her own decisions that she was able to release the pent-up emotions. This is also a relationship of transfer from the conscious to the subconscious—it's so fascinating!

Oh, I'd love to know if it's because she loves her family that she blames her family for her father's inaction and lack of responsibility, causing her to hate her family and relatives! Whenever I see my mother chatting happily with outsiders, I envy her!

Because she doesn't get along with her family, they have lots of lively discussions! A neighbor of hers sees her a lot, and when she's late for dinner, her mother says, "You're so late tonight!"

If it were me, I would be over the moon! I think it would be paradise on earth if my mother were as gentle with me as my neighbors.

Intimacy: outsiders > relatives > family. Absolutely! Family should be the best!

She often speaks ill of the people in her father's family, some of whom have serious conflicts. But I have never heard her say a single negative thing about anyone related to her mother's family! Does that mean that her mother's family is of high quality and high class?

Oh, absolutely! They're just better educated, that's all. They're all his family and relatives, so why not?

It's like she's a different person at her parents' house! Her temper just disappears! In my house, she's always on the defensive!

I'm not one to comment on my mother's behavior, but I must say, her actions are truly intriguing! She never said her family of origin was bad, and I am the daughter who often says my mother is bad.

What makes my mother so different? It's incredible! Her family and some outsiders can see her good side, while her family and father's relatives can only see her ugly side!

Maybe my father was the one she was most dissatisfied with. No one can be blamed for everything. In fact, we are all people with problems. The closer we are to someone, the harsher she will be. This is still inseparable from the environment of his original family. When she was young, she was strictly disciplined, and her parents' harsh criticism made her afraid and not allow to rebel. The trauma of childhood needs a lifetime to heal. When she grows up, she will constantly repeat this kind of pain in her new family. Others don't follow her demands, and she will fly into a rage; while for outsiders, because there is a distance, she is afraid to have conflicts with others. So to outsiders, she seems to be very amiable with a dual personality. The more humble she acts in front of others, the more crazy she becomes when she gets home. You ask what caused this, and in fact, she just wants to vent her repressed emotions.

If she is strong, it is only in front of your father and you. Once there are other people present, she will immediately change her face. This is the duality we are familiar with. Who does not speak ill of others behind their backs, and who is not spoken ill of behind their backs? For mothers, they are sensitive and independent. We usually think that someone who lacks love will desperately compensate for it in reality. In fact, the more she feels inferior because of her sense of security, but she doesn't want to show it, so she lets herself be dominated by raising her voice and being hysterical. She wants to make up for the part that was lacking in her childhood by replacing it with her current family. Imagine how sad it is. As we know, in the family, mothers always complain about their fathers and their daughters. They have had enough of the hard life with their unpromising fathers. It seems that they are unhappy, and disobedient daughters make them uncomfortable. So when they grow up, their daughters understand the meaning of love as mothers: the most pitiful person is not the father, because he is used to being yelled at, the most pitiful person is the mother. When she thinks that she can change everything by these extreme behaviors, it means that she has completely failed. Combining your situation, I would like to give you a few suggestions:

Distance is our friend when it comes to solving problems. It's amazing how distance can create beauty! Even though we might not want to face her, Dad is the one who is most affected by her. We might seem like we are shirking our responsibilities, but we really don't want conflicts to happen. Avoiding family conflicts is not the answer. It's time to face the music! We can't avoid problems forever. Indulging and accommodating our parents is a great way to show them we love them.

Try to do some mind work on your mother. She must be suffering inside, but she just doesn't have the right channel or the right person to talk to and vent. What we see is a bad face, but we never consider what actually caused it. Just let time dilute everything! Time will see more clearly than human eyes.

Don't always think it's someone else's problem, looking for external causes in everything. Instead, look for internal causes in everything! Every day is a new adventure. We're all human, and nobody's perfect. But we can all improve when we make a mistake. As close relatives, we all try our best to accommodate each other to create harmony in the family. And when harmony is broken, we can work together to overcome it!

These suggestions are just ideas to get you started. The world is a big, beautiful place that connects us all. Have the best day!