Mom said I'm useless, she picks on me, I don't want to live, am I a fool?

Good day, my name is Qingxiang, and I am contacting you to discuss a matter of importance.

My emotional response to the situation

From the information provided, it can be inferred that the subject is likely not an adult, but rather a minor in either junior high or high school. The emotional distress caused by the mother's reprimand is evident in the subject's account. While the anger is palpable, it is also evident that the subject has a multitude of grievances.

It is reasonable to conclude that a child should not be subjected to such treatment from a parent. This is likely to result in feelings of sadness.

Furthermore, it is notable that in the aforementioned incident, two instances of misbehavior were identified: the first involved the act of squirting water on one's mother, and the second involved a verbal altercation. Despite the clear indication of disagreement with the treatment received, both instances were classified as mistakes.

From the account you provided, it is evident that you possess an independent mindset, a capacity for independent thought, a sense of responsibility, and a tendency to be conscientious. Additionally, you exhibit a degree of stubbornness.

Let us begin by discussing the reasons.

1) Disputes are to be expected when interacting with one's parents.

When spending time with parents, for various reasons, some difficulties in communication may arise, or even conflicts, which can cause psychological discomfort for both parties and elicit a range of emotional responses, including irritability, anxiety, depression, and anger. This phenomenon is not uncommon in most families.

(2) It is important to recognize that parents are also ordinary individuals and that they are not infallible. It is not uncommon for them to make mistakes.

Parents are not merely social roles such as "father" or "mother." Rather, they are individuals with their own unique characteristics and experiences.

When individuals are treated as characters, they are often expected to adhere to a set of idealized standards. These expectations, which may be either positive or negative, can lead to feelings of disappointment and anger when their behavior does not align with these standards.

Nevertheless, if one can perceive them as ordinary individuals within their familial roles, consider their distinctive familial environments and upbringing, as well as their distinctive personality traits and modes of thought, one can relinquish expectations of them and achieve emotional equilibrium.

3) The acquisition of certain communication techniques has the potential to yield beneficial outcomes.

—Consistent communication—

Psychologist Virginia Satir posited that harmonious and consistent communication can facilitate interpersonal relationships even in the absence of stress.

Consistent communication entails consideration of one's own emotions, those of others, and the circumstances at hand during the act of communication.

In circumstances of elevated stress, individuals frequently utilize one of four incongruous communication styles: appeasement, blaming, over-rationalization, and avoidance.

Excessive submissiveness, or appeasement, is a communication style that involves not paying sufficient attention to one's own feelings.

The act of blaming is indicative of an over-protective disposition, wherein the individual in question fails to consider the feelings of others.

An ultra-rational approach is characterised by a lack of empathy and understanding, with both parties fixated on logic and reasoning, failing to recognise and acknowledge each other's emotions and perspectives.

Avoidance is defined as the complete absence of the mind from the experience of life, with no concern or interest in anything that may occur.

—Methodology—

It is therefore important to gain an understanding of the psychological state that underlies the communication styles of oneself and one's parents when they are under pressure. This will enable the development of harmonious and consistent communication. The initial step is to stabilise oneself, and then to attempt to comprehend the psychological state that underlies their communication style.

(1) For example, when parents accuse their children, it is because they have expectations of them. When communicating, it is important not to be provoked by their emotions but rather to respond to their expectations. One way to do this is to acknowledge their feelings by saying, "You hope that I..."

In this manner, the other party will perceive that they have been heard, that they are valued and respected, and that their emotional state will subside. At this juncture, communication can resume in a normal manner.

2) If one wishes to discuss a particular topic,

It is important not to hasten the discussion of topics that require understanding; rather, it is more beneficial to initiate dialogue on subjects that are of interest to the individual in the present moment. If one can facilitate relaxation, the individual will be more inclined to engage in communication. Once a positive relationship has been established, it becomes easier to navigate conversations about topics that require understanding.

It is crucial to acknowledge that the need for respect and value is a fundamental aspect of the human experience. When this need is fulfilled and an individual's sense of self-worth is enhanced, they are less likely to resort to stressful communication strategies to protect themselves, allowing for harmonious and constructive communication.

It is therefore recommended that, when spending time with one's parents, one should endeavour to ensure that they feel respected and valued. Rather than expecting them to change first, it would be more beneficial to change one's own communication style first, as it is not possible for people to control others, but only themselves.

What is the appropriate response to these statements?

1) With the same beginning, I was admonished by my mother and informed that I was useless.

First, it is necessary to ascertain the reason for her anger and yelling.

What is the rationale behind this behavior?

If you were in my position, how would you proceed?

It is possible to discern one's mother's emotional state. She may have been experiencing the effects of a long day or a persistently negative mood. She may have been relying on you, who are already quite old, to assist with a task, but instead you exacerbated the situation.

It is important to note that regardless of the mother's emotional state, it is not appropriate for her to speak to her child in such a manner. Both the mother and her child must work on improving their communication. However, this is a matter that lies within the family and is not within the scope of the child's control.

An appropriate response will mitigate the mother's distress and facilitate her relaxation.

For example, a suitable response might be: "I'm truly sorry for not meeting your expectations. I lack significant life experience and am not as proficient as you. You are the epitome of excellence."

Subsequently, both you and your mother became emotionally distressed. You made statements and took actions that evoked negative emotions in the other party, thereby intensifying the conflict and impeding forgiveness.

One might also consider whether it is truly worthwhile to engage in such a significant conflict over a relatively inconsequential issue.

The acquisition and subsequent mastery of select communication skills may prove beneficial in one's personal and professional endeavors.

It is commendable that you sought assistance on the platform when confronted with a challenging situation. Furthermore, your ability to reflect on the incident and recognize your own shortcomings is a noteworthy achievement.

It is my contention that as the individual in question matures and acquires new knowledge and skills, they will be able to assume a more proactive role in their familial relationships and effect positive changes therein.

My name is Qingxiang, and I offer these thoughts and suggestions in the hope that they will prove helpful.

I extend my affection to the world and to you.