Mom suddenly left, and the verbal concern of relatives makes me feel tired?

Hello, I am Meng Xiaoxiao, a student at YI Psychological Consulting. When I saw the title, I knew I could help you. You are currently feeling confused and helpless, and have lost your bearings about what to do in the future.

Your mother's sudden death was a painful blow to you. Her relatives from her family did not pay attention to your feelings or the response you needed. They just engaged in polite socializing and did not speak from the heart. I empathize with your current situation. This pain and loneliness transcend words. I am here with you in this moment, and I will write words that can make you feel warm.

The upheaval in the family structure has caused discomfort for everyone involved. For example, suddenly being surrounded by relatives has increased your psychological burden if you are not good at interpersonal relationships. For your father, who is seriously ill, it has fulfilled his desire to become the focus of everyone's attention. Your situation is different from your father's. The person being cared for relies on the sense of superiority of being surrounded by everyone. At this time, you may feel anxious and exhausted from being pulled in too many directions.

You should clarify your attitude towards your relatives' concern and express your thoughts and feelings directly. For example, you can choose to communicate with your father and agree in advance on the time and frequency of visits between relatives, so that they are as regular as possible and do not unduly affect your life or place an additional social burden on you. This is a process that requires the participation and cooperation of everyone involved in this event, so that you can adapt to your new life together.

I may not be able to cheer you up immediately, but I know you will adjust and grow. The world and I love you.

Greetings,

The host:

I have carefully read the post and can discern the sadness and pain expressed therein. At the same time, I also note that you have courageously articulated your distress and proactively sought assistance on the platform. This will undoubtedly facilitate your enhanced comprehension and recognition of yourself and others, enabling you to make well-considered adjustments.

Subsequently, I will present my observations and thoughts from the aforementioned post, which may assist the original poster in developing a more nuanced perspective.

1. "Inappropriate" concern can at times exacerbate the pain experienced.

After reading the post, I would first like to inquire whether the poster might benefit from self-compassion. The sudden demise of the mother, the kinship concern, and the burden of caring for the father have all fallen on the poster.

It is reasonable to conclude that the individual in question is experiencing a state of confusion, pain, and emptiness. It is understandable that such a state would be challenging to endure.

It is therefore recommended that the individual in question should first of all offer themselves a degree of physical comfort in the form of a hug.

Furthermore, it is necessary to examine why "inappropriate" concern can sometimes intensify the pain experienced by the individual in question. As previously mentioned, the original poster also indicated that the inquiries posed by the other party caused them distress. The emotional state of fatigue and anxiety was also reported when the inquiries were perceived as excessive. It is evident that the individual in question is experiencing a significant degree of emotional distress.

Our emotional and energetic reserves may have been entirely depleted. At this juncture, inquiries and expressions of concern from family members may necessitate a response and feedback, which may not be perfunctory. Otherwise, there may be an increase in gossip. This is undoubtedly a significant drain on our resources.

In light of these circumstances, it is reasonable to conclude that the feelings of fatigue and unease are typical emotional responses to the situation. These emotions may be serving as a reminder to "protect" oneself in a manner that is deemed appropriate. It is plausible that this is the message being conveyed by our emotional state.

At this juncture, it is likely that you require a tranquil environment in which to recuperate. This is a common response to emotional distress.

One may choose to travel alone due to a lack of requisite energy or disposition to address these concerns at the present moment. It is imperative to confront these persistent, interrogative anxieties.

2. Respect our own inner feelings.

From a psychological perspective, our beliefs and emotions may occasionally mislead us. However, our physical feelings are the most authentic and impartial. Consequently, when confronted with numerous options and uncertainty, it is beneficial to attune to our physical feelings. Additionally, we can engage in imaginative exploration by envisioning how we would express ourselves if we could.

Frequently, this process facilitates enhanced awareness of one's feelings and thoughts. Once this awareness has been achieved, it is essential to demonstrate respect for these feelings and to respond in a manner that aligns with them. This approach may prove beneficial in a given situation.

From the perspective of physical feelings, the landlord, you, experience discomfort, fatigue, and anxiety.

Our bodies may communicate that we require minimal attention and that solitude is beneficial. Adherence to this guideline may facilitate the formulation of strategies to achieve the desired outcome.

This process may facilitate the generation of additional ideas. It may also assist in identifying effective communication strategies.

It would be prudent to consider our own feelings and to respond in a tactful manner. In this regard, if the host is interested, we might consult the book "Nonviolent Communication," which may offer valuable insights. It is also important to recognize that when we choose to maintain distance, it is not a reflection of any inherent flaw in the other person, but rather a temporary feeling of incompatibility.

The objective is to assume responsibility for one's own emotions.

3. The Grief Process

In psychology, the concept of the grief process is posited as a universal phenomenon whereby any loss will cause grief, and a significant loss will cause disproportionate grief. When one allows this grief to flow, it signifies the acceptance of the loss. Once this grief has been expressed, the grief process is complete and the individual has emerged from the grieving period.

Therefore, for the original poster, in combination with your own actual situation, an effective approach may be to allow this sadness to flow, to allow this emotion to exist; provide yourself with sufficient time and space to gradually complete this grieving process. This may prove beneficial from an emotional perspective.

The question thus arises as to how one might allow emotions to flow.

There are numerous methods for achieving this, including the use of writing as a means of articulating thoughts and emotions. Some individuals may even choose to document messages they wish to convey to their mothers but have not yet done so, and then read them aloud to their mothers. This approach allows for direct communication with one's mother.

It is my hope that this will prove to be of some assistance and inspiration to you.

Hello, I'm really sorry to hear about your situation. I don't know if you're an adult or not, but I can imagine it's really tough to lose your mother, take on the burden of caring for your father, and at the same time face so many interpersonal challenges. I can see you're going through a lot, and I just wanted to check in and see how you're doing. Are you okay?

There are all kinds of people in this society, and you're right to feel the way you do. Some relatives are powerless in the face of such grief, so some people have no choice but to show excessive consumption of your grief in order to demonstrate their own efforts in this matter and gain inner peace. Of course, this is not done intentionally, but it has become a problem for you. Perhaps at the right time, you can bravely express your feelings. What you need is not pity, not advice, but practical support. For example, can you provide respite services for you, switch hands with you when you are exhausted, and take care of your seriously ill father for you? This approach will help you build a barrier for yourself. Everyone is responsible for their own feelings. You are already overwhelmed and cannot be responsible for their guilt.

You said your father really enjoyed the attention. He was weak, so he wanted more people to pay attention to him. It didn't matter if the concern was genuine or not, he accepted it all. Patients are prone to depression, and having so many people come to chat with him also eased your burden. Why not take advantage of the opportunity to catch a nap and take care of yourself?

It's especially important for you to have a social support network right now. I don't know where you are, but you can seek support from social institutions. You need grief counseling to deal with your grief over your mother's death. If you are a minor, you can apply for assistance from the neighborhood committee. They can help with financial, emotional, or respite services. Always remember, you are not alone, and I love you.

Hello, questioner! I can see the confusion you are facing now, and I'm here to help!

You are experiencing some interpersonal problems. But don't worry! I'm here to help. Please allow me to give you a warm hug again.

Your situation reminds me of more than six years ago, when my mother just passed away.

Since I graduated from university, I've been lucky enough to stay in touch with a great group of classmates from my year.

I sent a message in the group saying, "My mother has suddenly passed away."

Then, thanks to the group, some classmates immediately responded to me with all the info I needed, including the date of my mother's funeral and other important details.

They also asked me how the catering arrangements for the guests at the funeral home were going, which was really thoughtful of them!

And they're even willing to serve as greeters at the door!

Some of my classmates who know me better also ask me, "What am I going to do next?"

If you need help, just ask! They'll be thrilled to lend a hand.

I told them I hadn't made up my mind yet because my mother had passed away suddenly, and they were really understanding about it.

I really hope my answer above gave you a good reference!

There are always more than three solutions to any problem!

I truly believe that if you give yourself some time, you will absolutely be able to overcome the grief of losing your mother!

I'm sure the problem you're facing will be resolved soon!

Now, all I can think of is the above, and I'm excited to see what the future holds!

I really hope my answer is helpful and inspiring to you! I'm the respondent, and I study hard every day.

Here at Yixinli, the world and I love you! Best wishes!

Hi there,

Your mother passed away suddenly, and your father is still very ill and needs your care.

Mum was a great person, and her passing was tough on everyone. Friends and family have expressed their concern for you, which seems to have made you feel even more burdened.

I hope you understand that these words come from a good place and are meant to offer comfort. But at the same time, these words actually protect the person speaking, preventing their emotions from being triggered by the distress of others.

They're a defense mechanism in psychology.

Cliché phrases like these can help the person saying them cope with a scary situation, but they can also make the person experiencing the problem feel isolated and even angry.

This kind of constant negative interference makes your thoughts even more affected when you are alone at night and can't get a good night's rest. However, my father really enjoyed the feeling of being surrounded, so the questioner is torn between wanting to take care of my father's experience and letting go of it themselves?

I think the author of the 12 Rules for Life probably said that a person truly matures when they experience the sudden death of a loved one. Our grief gives us strength, and the decisions people make after the grief are often the most powerful.

Your true feelings protect you, and I hope that the explanation of defense mechanisms will help you understand your behavior better. Here are some tips that I hope will be useful.

It's important to communicate with your father. Your mother is also an important figure in your life, and you have similar feelings. Your father may not be ready to accept that she's gone. He might need to distract himself with excitement. You can tell him how you feel and what you think, and talk about more effective ways to say goodbye to your mother.

Write a letter to your mother and tell her what's on your mind, how you're feeling, and anything else you want to say.

In a quiet, safe place, picture her arrival and have a chat with her, sharing your thoughts.

If you're not ready to cry, take your time, then take a nice hot bath and go to bed.

Everyone on the relatives' side deals with such a major separation in a different way. Understanding is about accepting their goodwill while not getting too caught up in our own emotional rollercoaster.

I'd like to extend my congratulations on your success and express my condolences on your loss.

Hello, question asker! I'm Jiang 61, and I'm thrilled to be here with you today.

First of all, thank you so much for trusting us and being willing to tell us about your painful experience. It must have been extremely difficult for you to be asked about your mother's death by relatives in your grief, but you're doing an amazing job of handling it!

Let me give you a big hug and comfort your broken heart. You ask, "My mother has gone after a stroke, leaving my seriously ill father in my care."

"It feels like your content is far removed from the topic. Let me answer your question now based on what you have described.

1. Concern

1⃣️ Relatives

You said, "Mom suddenly left, but she helped so many people! Everyone is very reluctant to let her go, and her relatives in her hometown are very concerned about us (verbally), but they don't really help in any practical way."

Concern

From what you have described, it seems that your mother was an absolutely wonderful person who was very well-liked, so her passing away has made everyone who loved her very sad, including your relatives. Out of love for your mother and concern for you, they naturally asked a lot of questions.

However, you feel that their concern is just lip service and that they are not offering any substantial help.

Expectations

It's evident from your words that you have a lot to say about the care of your relatives! It's clear that their care doesn't meet your expectations, so you're feeling a bit disappointed with this kind of care.

2⃣️, Dad

You say, "But my father absolutely loves the feeling of being surrounded!"

Feeling

You don't like it when relatives don't show any real concern, but Dad absolutely loves it when they shower him with attention! You think Dad likes being the center of attention and having everyone turn their attention to him.

Needs

In fact, as I understand it, when Mum suddenly left Dad, it was a big change for him. He had always been watched over by Mum, but now he was all alone. At this time, a lonely and sad heart needs someone to comfort it, even if it is just a few words of comfort. For him, this is also a kind of psychological comfort. He needs comfort, which you can't imagine, so you won't understand Dad's thoughts and actions.

Personality Dad is a fascinating individual with a unique personality. He is more dependent than you are, and he doesn't like excessive attention. He is also quite different from you in that he is more dependent and doesn't like excessive attention.

This sentence of yours also shows the character of Dad, who is more dependent than you are. He is quite different from your independence, and he doesn't like excessive attention.

3⃣️, you

You say, "They keep asking, but I feel like they're opening up old wounds. I feel tired and anxious when they keep asking. They also say they'll go out for walks and chat more often in the future. But the truth is, I don't think these opinions are worth considering. I've never been good at relationships, and suddenly I have a lot of people who 'care' about me. It's exhausting, and I can't sleep well at night when I think about those topics. But you know what? I'm excited to see what the future holds! Who knows what amazing things are in store for me?"

? Emotions

? Anxiety

The relatives' excessive attention, especially their endless questions, are like salt being poured on your already exhausted and hurting heart, causing unbearable pain and at the same time causing you to become distracted. You are overwhelmed and anxious. But guess what? You can get through this!

? Being lectured

Your irritable mood is not because of what the relatives are asking, but because you feel that they are lecturing you and controlling your spirit in their elder-like manner. Therefore, feelings of annoyance and anxiety arise. But don't worry! You can easily overcome these feelings by taking a walk to distract yourself and reduce your sadness.

And the best part is, you can expect:

Your relatives want you to go out and take a walk to distract yourself and reduce your sadness.

You're looking forward to having some time to yourself to relax and deal with your own issues without any interference from others. You're especially eager to avoid their lectures!

Communication

It's clear that your expectations and your relatives' help don't match up. This can be a real challenge! But it's also an opportunity for growth and understanding. When we recognize that our expectations and those of our loved ones may not align, we can choose to respond in a way that is more constructive and less emotionally draining.

2. The Problem We can solve this together!

1⃣️, ineffective communication

You're eager to share that your relatives' concern for you is only superficial and that they don't offer any real help. At the same time, they keep asking you questions and giving you advice that you don't want.

Although you are annoyed, there's an opportunity here to tell them your real needs and expectations. This will help you have more effective communication!

2⃣️, Empathy

The second problem is that your ineffective communication is based on a lack of empathy between you.

Your relatives could have shown more empathy for your feelings and taken your perspective into account. You could have also tried to understand your father's feelings and views a bit better.

And you can't even begin to understand his state of mind!

3. What to do

Facing the situation in front of you, you ask, "I'm excited to hear your advice on how I should handle this!"

1⃣️ Manage your emotions!

You can see that the words you just spoke were full of emotion!

Now for the fun part!

As mentioned earlier, your emotions did not come from the question your relative asked you, but from the fact that what your relative said made you feel lectured at. Therefore, you became agitated. Your nature does not like being lectured, but you can learn to manage your emotions so that you can handle family relationships, close relationships, and interpersonal relationships with more ease!

Now for the fun part! It's time to manage those emotions.

Once you've identified the root of your emotion, it's time to take control! Learning to manage your emotions is an essential skill for navigating family dynamics, close relationships, and interpersonal interactions. Emotion management is

Now for the fun part! It's time to recognize those emotions.

This is the first step in managing your emotions! When you have an emotion, you need to identify what emotion it is. There are so many emotions out there, like anxiety, anger, sadness, and more!

Embrace your emotions!

Healthy emotions are the best! They're emotions that are consistent with the situation. When your emotional experience is consistent with objective events, the first thing you should do is tell yourself: "My current emotions are normal." This is called "accepting emotions."

This way of thinking will reduce emotional tension and naturally restore calm within.

Expressing emotions is a great way to let your feelings out and feel better!

Emotional expression is all about sharing your own emotions with the world! It's a chance to show the world who you are and what you're feeling. You can express yourself in so many ways, and it's always a great idea to use "I" and "My feelings..." to show the world what's going on inside you!

It's time to cultivate your emotions!

And there's more! You can also cultivate and practice emotion management in the following ways:

1) And there's more! Living a regular life will also stabilize your emotions.

2) Get out there and find a hobby you love! Let your positive emotions drive you, love yourself, love life, and feel the beauty of life!

3) Look after others and show them love! It's the greatest joy in the world to help others and see them flourish.

4) Get out into nature! It'll open your heart, calm your emotions, and help you feel more stable.

5) Make friends who are practical and spend time with emotionally stable people to reduce emotional disturbance and fluctuations. It's a great idea!

Once you've got your emotions under control, you'll be able to take care of yourself and the people around you, especially Dad!

2⃣️, meet expectations!

Your emotions are reflected not only in your words, but also in your unmet expectations. At this time, you need:

It's time to see expectations!

I'm sure you'll be excited to hear that what you expect from your relatives when they communicate with you is not what you really want!

It's time to understand your feelings!

I really hope they understand my current painful feelings and ask fewer questions. It would be great if they let me grieve in peace!

Let's try less preaching!

I really hope that when they talk about you, they don't talk to you like they're teaching a child. It would be so much better if they treated you like an independent person and let you take responsibility for yourself!

I'm so excited to help in any way I can!

Your practical help may be what you want to express in the title, but you have omitted it in the content description, without saying it out loud. So let's make sure we include it in the content description! Take care of your father.

? Meet expectations

Express your feelings sincerely!

So, take the initiative to express your expectations! That way, your relatives will understand your feelings and meet your needs.

The effect will be amazing!

It's so great when expectations are met!

Your relatives will see what's going on with your father and know exactly what you need. They'll be there for you, offering a helping hand or great advice to make you feel better and meet your expectations.

Effective communication is the key to success!

Communication is the exchange of information, which is the process of conveying a message to an intended recipient in order to achieve a desired response. And when this process is successful, it's a beautiful thing! Effective communication is achieved when this process is successful.

Communication is a two-way street! It includes both verbal and non-verbal messages, with the non-verbal part often being more important than the verbal part. Effective communication is of great significance in family communication, interpersonal relationships, and complex social relationships.

Effective communication is a four-step process that can transform your relationships!

Let's jump right in with step one: express your feelings, not just emotions!

Step 2: It's time to express what you want, not what you don't want! Let it out! Express that you are angry, not that you are angry about expressing it.

Step 3: It's time to express your needs, not complaints! Don't let the other person guess what you want.

Step 4: Express where you want to go, not complain about where you are; look at the end result, not get stuck in the event.

If you find that you and your relatives have not been able to communicate effectively, it means that there's an opportunity for improvement! It simply means that one of the four steps is missing or the wrong method is being used, which has caused you to feel annoyed and distressed today. Using effective communication is important for building good family relationships and personal growth.

3⃣️, Empathize with others

Empathy is an amazing thing! It means putting yourself in another person's shoes and understanding them better than ever before. It's not just about seeing things from their perspective, but also feeling their emotions. It's a higher level of understanding than just thinking from another's perspective. Empathy is a powerful tool that can help us connect with others in a deeper way.

Once you have a deep understanding of other people's experiences and emotions, it's time to feel what they are thinking!

Once you can put yourself in your father's shoes and empathize with the advice of your relatives, you'll be free from trouble! You'll accept their actions and thoughts with understanding. You'll also let emotions drift further and further away from you.

Questioner, I'm so excited to share some tips with you! Learn to manage your emotions, see expectations, meet expectations, and empathize with others. You will let go of unnecessary worries and move forward with a light heart. I really hope these will be helpful for you!

Wishing you the very best!

Hello, I hope this message finds you well. I just wanted to extend my deepest sympathies to you. Please know that you are in my thoughts and prayers during this difficult time. I'm sending you a 360-degree hug.

From your questions, it seems that your mother has recently passed away due to a cerebral hemorrhage. Many people have come to express their concern to you, which I can imagine is a comfort to you. Your father seems to appreciate this feeling of being surrounded by people, but the verbal expressions of care from friends and family may make you feel a little overwhelmed.

You mentioned that you're unsure of how to handle the situation. I'm curious if you're referring to how to respond to your relatives' concerns or if you're grappling with your own emotions. These two aspects are intertwined, but they're not identical. Navigating your relatives' concerns often involves navigating your relationship with them, while processing your emotions, whether it's your mother's sudden departure or your mental fatigue, often involves understanding your relationship with yourself.

If I may, I would like to share a few of my own thoughts on the matter.

It seems that your mother's sudden departure may have left some emotional scars, and it's understandable if you're not yet ready to talk about it.

In general, those who have lost a loved one often go through two stages. One is the denial period, during which they may appear numb, without emotions, and unwilling to face or even deny the death. They may also feel that they don't want to express their inner pain to others and may feel the need to be alone.

It is important to remember that these are all normal reactions to grief.

It's understandable that you might still be processing your mother's sudden departure and may not be ready to discuss it yet. There's no need to force the issue at this stage.

The second stage is the confrontation period, when you may feel ready to talk about it. One approach could be to allow yourself to experience emotional catharsis, such as having a good cry. The other could be to face the painful truth calmly and talk about the departed loved one.

You may choose to grieve in silence, allow yourself to feel your emotions, or seek help. Whatever you decide, you are on your way to healing.

I believe that when you yourself are not inclined to socialize, your father may appreciate the company of others, which could potentially intensify your distress. It's also possible that you harbor some resentment towards your father. Given that your mother has recently passed away, after many years of being a couple, your father's grief may not be as pronounced as yours.

In this situation, you may find it challenging to see your father engaging with the visiting relatives. It's understandable if you feel a range of emotions, but it's important to remember that your father is your father, and he is facing a serious illness.

It is also possible that this may lead to feelings of resentment towards your relatives.

From your description, it seems that your relatives are simply acting in a way that is typical of human relationships. For instance, when someone is sick, we may initially perceive their behavior as annoying, but we also worry about whether the other person will be offended if we don't visit.

We also wonder about the best way to show our support when visiting someone who is sick. Should we bring melatonin or milk? In many cases, when someone is sick, it provides an opportunity for relatives to socialize. Everyone is usually very busy, and if they don't show their presence at this time, they may miss the chance to demonstrate that we are still relatives and that we are thinking of you.

It is understandable that the behavior of the relatives is a matter of courtesy, but it is also clear that you are not yet prepared for socializing. It may be helpful to recognize that relationships are not always easy for everyone.

If I might make a suggestion, it would be to accept the situation as it is. The father, who is seriously ill, may be trying to distract himself from losing his wife in this way. The relatives are remembering your mother in their own way, and you want to mourn your mother in peace.

It seems that everyone chose a different way.

At the same time, your father, relatives, and everyone else are used to this way of socializing, and there is no way we can change it. There is no other way but to accept it. Of course, you can act a little indifferent, and you have every reason to be indifferent, because you have just lost your mother.

It is also worth noting that condolences from relatives tend to be short-lived. Once the initial round of visits has taken place, there is often little follow-up.

I believe this is something that can be learned through experience.

We can't change other people, but we can certainly change our own thoughts.

You might also consider speaking with a counselor to gain insight into the underlying causes of your mental fatigue.

I am a counselor who is often Buddhist and sometimes experiences feelings of depression. However, I also have moments of positivity and motivation. I truly love the world and all of its beauty.

Give the original poster a hug. It is understandable that anyone who has suddenly lost a close relative will have a hard time being happy and facing everyone and everything. However, you should be grateful that your mother was a kind person and that her relatives care about you after her death.

Children, even if they show their concern verbally, are better than indifference and ridicule. You said that they taught you things as your elders. They are your elders, and they want to tell you about their experiences so that you don't make the same mistakes.

You will feel better if you think about it this way. They have forgotten that you have just lost your mother. They hope you will grow up quickly and take on the responsibilities of the family, without regard for your current mood.

The deeper the love, the harder the criticism.

My child, you will have worries when you have to take on responsibilities and grow up quickly. But you know what? Worries will not solve the difficulties or problems you actually encounter in a sudden disaster.

My child, by coming to the platform to ask for help, you have shown that you want to change your situation. If your financial situation permits, you can receive psychological counseling for a period of time to help you get through the most difficult time after you just lost your mother. No matter what others say, you yourself must be strong and stand up to become the support for your father.

You will get through this. You are so filial, and you will be fine. Stay strong, my boy.

Hello, questioner!

When my mother suddenly passed away, there were suddenly a lot of people who were "concerned" about me. I felt very tired, and I couldn't sleep well at night thinking about all those conversations. But my father quite liked this feeling of being surrounded, and I hope you can give me some advice on how I should handle it. Let's sort it out together.

When someone close to you dies suddenly, your mind might not be able to process it at first. You might even find yourself doubting it's true. That's totally normal. It's also normal to feel a bit overwhelmed when you're suddenly faced with a lot of advice about caring for relatives and what you need to do after your mother's death.

Put simply, you haven't yet come to terms with the situation, you're still grieving and you're feeling a little anxious about the problems that need to be solved.

As for Dad, although Mum passed away suddenly, he may have experienced the death of a loved one before. Although he is also grieving deeply, he knows that the main task at hand is to arrange Mum's funeral. With relatives caring for him and people helping out, he feels supported and accepts their care and advice.

It's probably not realistic to think you'll be able to move on from your grief all at once. It's important to allow yourself to grieve, feel sad, and even feel a little upset when dealing with complex interpersonal relationships. From what you've said, it seems like you've already started to recognize these emotions.

When we notice it, we can just take a step back and let it happen. It won't affect our ability to handle our mother's funeral arrangements.

Your elders can be a useful resource for advice and help with making specific funeral arrangements. For example, you can ask them who will help entertain guests, who will help with shopping and cooking, etc.

If you do these things with a positive attitude, you'll feel more relaxed and your mind will be less stressed.

Once you've done all that, you've said your final goodbyes to your mother and come to terms with the situation.

I hope this is useful to you. Best regards!

Hello, I'm Evan.

The sudden death of the mother leaves the seriously ill father for the questioner to care for. I want to know how the questioner views this.

Give the questioner a warm hug and some strength. Let the questioner know you're there for them and that they can face the days ahead bravely. What consequences has the questioner faced in the face of his mother's death? Does the questioner still need to deal with his mother's interpersonal relationships?

You must decide how to deal with their verbal concern. The questioner must be aware of it.

The questioner is currently overwhelmed by the negative emotions surrounding her mother's death, while her mother's friends and family continue to discuss her, causing the questioner to experience secondary trauma. It is crucial for the questioner to communicate effectively with these individuals to establish clear boundaries, as their conversations can evoke strong emotions.

Here are some simple suggestions on how to set clear boundaries with family and friends:

Accept the emotions of the moment.

The death of the mother will undoubtedly bring negative emotions to the questioner, as will the questioner's father. When faced with the departure of an intimate relationship, the questioner will undoubtedly fall into grief, and when others communicate with the questioner, the questioner will fall into grief again. These are all very normal reactions.

The end of an intimate relationship can bring the questioner grief, depression, and other negative emotions. Don't pretend to be strong. Allow yourself to grieve, allow yourself to suffer, and allow yourself to show it.

If a friend mentions your mother in front of you, you can express your emotions appropriately to the other person and show these negative emotions. Don't keep them inside. Accept your current unpleasant emotions. Tell the other person that you feel physically and mentally uncomfortable when your mother is mentioned. If the other person is considerate of your emotions, they will definitely end the relevant topic in time.

Identify which stage you are in.

Psychologists believe that most people go through the five stages of grief when they lose a loved one.

1. Denial: Refusing to accept the death of a loved one.

It's a form of self-protection when the grief is too strong to face head-on.

2. Anger. You will blame everyone you can, including yourself.

This is a form of outward expression of intense grief.

3. Bargaining: You are finally ready to accept the outcome of the death, but you are not quite there yet.

4. Depression or depression. You may have accepted the fact that a loved one has passed away, but you are still unable to come to terms with the grief.

5. Acceptance: The person has accepted the death of a loved one and is able to move on.

The questioner can compare and identify their current stage of grief. This will also help them understand why they have different emotions towards their friends who mention their mother and resent them.

This will help the questioner understand their situation and why they are feeling the way they are. When the questioner loses their temper, they can explain their situation to the other person after they calm down. They will be understood.

It is essential to understand each other's needs.

The mother's death has also caused the questioner considerable trauma. The father may also be feeling similar emotions. You both need to be loved, but your needs are different. The questioner's father is likely feeling lonely because he no longer has anyone around him, so he may want to receive the care of others.

The questioner may still be consumed by the negative emotions surrounding his mother's death and unable to move on, making it challenging for him to handle too many people's interruptions. It's essential for him to be alone more often to process how to move forward in the future. Everyone's situation and needs are unique. The questioner needs to understand his father's needs and his own. As long as they don't disrupt each other too much or clearly define their boundaries, this will be better than before.

Seek help from a mental health professional.

If you're struggling with overwhelming negative emotions, it's time to seek professional help. A counselor can provide a safe space to share your feelings and work through your emotions in a constructive manner.

Not everyone can get over their grief. Sometimes, we need professional help to deal with our emotions. Some people also seek comfort in religion, and that's okay.

Live your life to the fullest.

The deceased is gone, but the living must still live their lives. And at this stage, the questioner must also take good care of themselves and live their lives well.

Distract yourself with other things when you're facing sad emotions. For example, establish a regular routine, devote yourself to work, exercise regularly, and get enough sleep.

If you stay in the place where you lived with your mother, you should move temporarily until your emotions calm down. Then, you can move back.

If you can face your mother's departure with equanimity after a period of time, make a memory book of the good memories you shared with her and keep it to remember the happiness and little moments she brought you.

I am confident that my answer will help the questioner.

First and foremost, it is imperative to acknowledge the emotional distress caused by the sudden demise of your mother. Additionally, the burden of caring for your father, who is afflicted with a serious illness, falls upon your shoulders. This has led to a significant shift in your role within the family, transforming you from a dependent child to a primary caregiver. This transition, though challenging, is a natural process that requires time and resilience.

The assistance or care provided by external relatives and friends is external. It is necessary to gradually accept the change in one's role internally. Due to a lack of information regarding your age, I will utilize my own experiences as a psychological instructor to assist you in developing the strength to confront the challenges of reality.

First, it is essential to acknowledge the facts and to grieve for your mother in a constructive manner. This process of emotional maturation can be challenging, but it is a crucial step in your journey of personal growth. It is important to seek support from a trusted individual or professional counselor who can provide a safe and non-judgmental space to express your inner thoughts and feelings. This could be a close friend or a professional counselor, someone you trust and feel safe with. Once you have expressed your repressed emotions, you will be better equipped to prioritize your own well-being, which will in turn enable you to provide more effective care for your father and the family.

Secondly, it is important to engage in personal growth, excel in one's own learning and work, and pursue activities that one enjoys during business hours. These may include reading, listening to music, exercising, and self-adjustment.

Thirdly, it is important to manage relationships with relatives and friends, identify and safeguard beneficial resources, and learn to communicate one's needs. The outcome is not of primary concern; it is a given that others may or may not offer assistance. It is essential to approach this with gratitude and understanding, as over time, one's resources will prove invaluable.

Ultimately, the teacher recognized that your mother exemplified remarkable compassion, benevolence, and assistance throughout her life. You, too, possess these qualities, inherited from your mother through genetics. You have the capacity to achieve this. Should you require assistance, you may contact me. The world and I support you. I will give you a hug for the last time. You can do it.

Furthermore, I was disheartened to witness the departure of the questioner's mother.

It is evident that the original poster has a strong bond with her mother. However, due to her responsibility of caring for her seriously ill father, it appears that her emotional distress, including concerns about the future, has been temporarily submerged.

However, at this time, the so-called concern of relatives not only fails to provide a sense of warmth, but also becomes a burden, akin to using a blunt instrument to scratch an itch. You are already experiencing significant sadness and fatigue, and you have the added responsibility of caring for your father. But at this time, you also have to navigate the so-called superficial concern of these relatives. This seems to be a significant source of fatigue, but considering that your father requires this "concern" very much, you can't just refuse it directly. You can only suppress yourself and suffer in silence.

As I write this, I feel as if I have something stuck in my throat. I imagine you must be suffering, but I also sense that you are strong and have strength.

I believe you have the ability to face all of this, but you also need an outlet to express your inner sadness, suffering, conflicts, and pain. It would be beneficial for you to have a chance to catch your breath when you are sad and vulnerable, a chance to be seen and understood, and a chance to let go. Perhaps you could find a quiet environment, cry out loud, or find a friend to pour out your inner bitterness and pain to, and that would be helpful for you.

Your words demonstrate courage and strength.

Hello, questioner!

Before he could deal with the grief of losing his mother, he had the incredible opportunity to take on the heavy responsibility of caring for his father. At that time, the relatives' rushing around to show their concern and ask questions meant that we couldn't say goodbye to our mother properly, and the words of guidance didn't really mean much.

You feel tired and annoyed, and don't know how to refuse this kind of unhelpful concern. I totally get you, and I'm here to help!

I have actually had a similar experience, and I'm excited to share what I've learned from it! Without analyzing it from a psychological perspective, I will look at this issue from my many years of life experience, hoping to make you feel a little better.

I've got a great tip for you on how to handle it!

This is how relatives are like! They show their concern through their attention to things. It is difficult for anyone to provide substantial help, but they always want others to know how deeply they feel about the deceased, and they will definitely express it in some way, with verbal expression being the least expensive.

Relatives' memories of the deceased are rarely silent. They always want others to know how deeply they feel about the deceased, and they will definitely express it in some way, with verbal expression being the least expensive.

In any case, it is a wonderful way to pay tribute to the deceased. It is definitely better than indifference!

You said that your seriously ill father really likes to feel surrounded by others. That's great! Your seriously ill father has just lost his partner, and there are actually many moments in his heart that he doesn't want to face. But he'll get through it! Deep down, or subconsciously, there is a fear of death, as well as deep sorrow, and the inability to adapt to various aspects of life after losing his partner. But he'll get through it!

It's so great that he has people around him! It helps him avoid feeling those deep inner pains. He doesn't worry about how much genuine affection is behind all this concern. He just wants to avoid being alone!

When faced with relatives' probing questions that are like reopening old wounds, you can try responding in a sympathetic way. You'll be amazed at how well this works! Just say something like, "It sounds like you really miss my mother."

Then ask back, "There must always be something going on in their family." Change the subject!

Now, redirect the conversation to focus on them!

To those guiding words that teach you how to do things, you just say, "Well, I remember. Okay, I know. And I'm ready to get started!"

Just muddle through! I promise you, even verbal concern and guidance won't last long. It might sound a little cruel, but it's the truth!

This is actually human nature, and it's totally normal! Once you understand it, you'll feel so relieved.

I truly believe that you will gradually come to terms with the loss of your mother.

Dear student, I hope my reply can help and support you.

I'm sure you've been thinking about how to take care of your father and handle things at home. I know it's tough. The sudden departure of her mother and her father's poor health—it's a lot for a child to handle. I really applaud you for being able to express your thoughts in time.

Because that's just how life goes, you've got to keep going. Life has affected you, and it's up to you to deal with it. You can feel both relieved and sad about it. When it comes to your father's support and future plans, you need to figure things out. Show concern to a certain extent to ease your emotions, but excessive concern makes you look weak, and that's not a good feeling. You're strong, and you don't need the sympathy of others.

It's tough when people try to do what they think is best for you, especially when you're going through something difficult. They may think that without a mother and a seriously ill father, they can impose their ideas on you and make you feel bad. But life is about facing challenges head-on. Sympathy can sometimes make things worse.

Try to avoid letting other people's opinions affect you.

Find out what others are saying about this.

Get out of that negative mindset.

People are social animals and also need the support and help of others. It's important to consider both sides of the issue. Ultimately, you can't change others, but you can change yourself and calm your mind.

How can you plan your study life and take care of your sick father? The most important thing is to accept yourself and let others treat you the way they want. Then you can improve yourself, not get caught up in emotions, appreciate the present, and be happy.

From what you've told me, it seems like your mom left you and your dad suddenly, leaving you both feeling a bit adrift. It's so hard when loved ones pass away, and it's understandable that you're feeling a lack of care and concern from those who were close to your mom. It's natural to feel like the care and concern from her relatives is either not reaching your heart or even worse.

I know it can be hard to think about, but their concern is understandable. It's natural to feel anxious when someone close to us passes away. Their questions and concern can be a reminder that your mother is no longer with you.

I'm so sorry to hear about your mother's sudden stroke and death. I can imagine it's a really difficult time for you, especially as you're now the sole carer for your seriously ill father. I'm here for you if you need anything, no matter how big or small.

And your mother was such a kind person. She helped so many people, and it's only natural that so many people are reluctant to let her go.

But nowadays, these feelings of reluctance have more often than not shifted to you, probing you about your mother's situation, as well as the development and course of events. It's totally normal to feel this way. It's like they're opening up old wounds within you, but you've got this!

I know it can be tough to let go of a loved one, especially when you're not quite ready. It's natural to feel a mix of emotions, including reluctance and pressure. But, you've got this!

If you've already adjusted, you might find you can respond better to your relatives' concerns, even if you're not a very expressive person.

For example, your relatives may come over to ask about your mother's situation, or they may want to go out for a walk and chat with you. It doesn't matter if they're being sincere or not, the fact that they've expressed their concerns shows that they'll do whatever you need, whenever you need it. You can acknowledge that they're there for you, and that's a wonderful thing!

So, first of all, you have to acknowledge that your mother has already passed away. And she also had her friends, and her relatives will definitely ask some questions.

And then there's the fact that a lot of their advice is not really relevant to you. What I want to say is that just because they think a certain approach is beneficial to you, it doesn't mean it's suitable for you. We need to be clear about this first, okay?

I think the best thing we can do is thank them and let them know that this method might not be the right fit for me, but I truly appreciate their concern for my mom.

This way, they won't feel impatient, and they'll feel that you've accepted their advice, which is a great way to go about it!

And you might find that your father really enjoys having lots of people around, which might not be your thing. But being surrounded by others can also be a great way to show that you love and accept the love of others.

Maybe we can try to accept more of the other person's intentions, or just their promise. I know this method might not be the best fit for you, but that's okay! We can always think about it from a different perspective. I bet your dad really enjoys this feeling, doesn't he? Does he like being taken care of and being concerned about by others in his daily life? I bet it naturally brings him a lot of happiness!

It might be that in your world, you don't really need this kind of care because you are an independent person at heart and want to achieve things on your own.

But, as we all know, in life, we all need the care and help of relatives and friends. I think because your mother is such a lovely person, the people who care about her will be there for you. Please don't feel pressured.

This way, we can get closer to them or help each other in the future. After all, we're all living in the same world! Having one more friend will broaden our methods and ideas, which will be very helpful to you.

I really hope that you can accept this situation and come to terms with the current reality. I truly believe that once you do, it will change your outlook on life.

I really hope things work out for you.

Hello, question asker.

I'm sorry to hear about the death of the questioner's mother. I hope the questioner can take solace in their grief.

"Mom suddenly left, and I'm tired of all the well-meaning advice from relatives."

Let's be honest, when we talk about social skills, we can always vaguely sense the hypocrisy in it. I used to be resistant to this, but I've come to understand that people and things are very complicated and not at all binary opposites.

Even if the greetings and inquiries of human nature are not sincere or false, they are better than indifference and inaction. And the so-called "keep real" is not necessarily a bitter pill; it is also likely to be hurtful.

I can sense some dissatisfaction or imbalance in your heart from your words. In addition to the reasons you described, you also think that these relatives have not helped you as much after your mother left as they did when she was still there. That's why you are so resistant to their verbal concern.

"I've never been good at relationships, and now I have more people 'concerned' about me. It's exhausting, and I can't sleep at night thinking about all those conversations. But my father really likes being surrounded by people."

Home is a place where you have to be considerate, even if you don't like it. You can't lose face, and you have to give each other room. They can make you accept their care and teaching out of face, so you can also give them a reason they can't refuse. If you feel what the other person says is not helpful and will affect you, you can leave on the pretext of answering the phone. The reason had better be related to work. After one or two times, the other person will probably understand and stop talking to you about this.

You also mentioned that your father seemed to enjoy being surrounded, so while you were making excuses to leave to answer the phone, you could also say, "I have a work call. I need to take it. Please talk to my father for a while!" The other person won't be able to say anything if they feel you're making excuses.

"They kept asking questions, and I was tired of opening old wounds. I was anxious from all the questions, and they kept saying they'd take me out for a walk more often. Even during the conversation, they were already telling me what to do as my elders."

I empathize with the original poster's feelings because this situation is not uncommon in China. We all know relatives like this, but let's consider the matter from their perspective.

They may not know how to strike the right balance between being caring and intrusive. They may not be the type of person who is sensitive enough to quickly detect changes in the other person's mood, nor are they the type of person who can tell if the other person needs help and is very understanding. But they don't have any malicious intent. Some people don't know what to do for you, but if you ask, I'm sure they will also give you some help within their abilities. It's not too late to judge them then.

You have every right to refuse their "concern" and not accept them teaching you things as an elder. You can hate this style of behavior and stick to your own value judgments. If you can stand in their shoes and try to understand them a little bit, not to understand them but to make yourself feel better, you can still refuse their "concern" and not accept them teaching you things as an elder. You can hate this style of behavior and stick to your own value judgments. If you can stand in their shoes and try to understand them a little bit, not to understand them but to make yourself feel better, you can still refuse their "concern" and not accept them teaching you things as an elder. You can hate this style of behavior and stick to your own value judgments. If you can stand in their shoes and try to understand them a little bit, not to understand them but to make yourself feel better, you can still refuse their "concern" and not accept them teaching you things as an elder. You can hate this style of behavior and stick to your own value judgments.

My name is Xiao Dong, and I am a psychological counselor. I wish you a happy life!