Mom vetoed toward her younger sister. Can parents realize their partiality?

I totally get why you're so upset. It seems like you want your parents to treat you and your sister the same and fairly in the family, with everyone getting an equal share.

It can feel like they have a bit of a bias towards your younger sister and always accuse you of being immature, which is really unfair.

It's totally normal to feel angry and disappointed when you're hoping your mom will understand and comfort you. When she doesn't, it's only natural to try to console yourself by playing games. But then you might feel blamed for having an Internet addiction, which can make you feel even more helpless and sad. It can feel like if you won't comfort me, I won't be able to comfort myself. So, what can you do?

If the above is okay with the questioner, I'd love to suggest that the questioner can try developing the skill of inner dialogue to help themselves.

It's okay if your parents find it difficult to listen to and understand your emotions. It's likely that their emotional language and ability to understand emotions may not be very developed, which is related to their culture and upbringing. Don't worry, though! You can learn how to regulate your emotions yourself.

It's really helpful to develop the skill of inner dialogue. That is, try to have two people talking to each other inside your own world: one is your mother, and the other is you. First, play the part of your mother, and then play the part of yourself.

Then, ask your inner mother to say what she would normally say, for example, that you are being inconsiderate. Then, take a moment to experience the anger and sadness you feel.

Then, you can let your inner mother say what you want her to say. For example, you can say that you understand what you mean, that you feel unfair, that it seems like we favor your sister, and that you are angry. Then, I'll apologize to you. I love you both, and I try to be fair to you, but I may be too busy sometimes to find out exactly how you sisters are getting along.

Let your mom know more about what happened and how you'd like to resolve it.

Another great way to work through things is through psychological dialogue. You can even write it all down in a diary! After a few sessions, you'll be feeling so much better.

Dear question asker,

I can imagine it was challenging for you to engage in a disagreement with your family over the delivery and to feel that your feelings were not taken into consideration, particularly given that you felt your family consistently sided with your sister.

Could I respectfully inquire as to why parents may favor one sibling over another? Do they typically have an awareness of their partiality?

We are feeling angry and aggrieved. How might we find comfort? You might like to discuss this with your teacher:

[How we feel]

When we were young, many of us seem to have encountered a similar challenge: our parents often favored our siblings, and we sometimes felt that we received less love and attention. Why do we often feel this way? Perhaps there are three reasons:

1. A desire for attention. When we do something right, we especially want our parents to see and acknowledge it.

2. We all want to feel special. It's natural to want to be different from our siblings and to feel like we are our own person.

We may be the one who is obedient, or the one who causes trouble.

3. The impression of the mind. When we are loved, we may sometimes take it for granted and not always remember it.

When we are treated unfairly, we are often deeply impressed. Over time, this impression of unfairness can accumulate, and we may begin to feel that we are loved instead.

[Parents are human, not gods]

Many parents are taken aback when they are asked if they favor one child over the other. They feel that they have been fair, at least within their abilities and knowledge. They may even be

It's natural to feel angry when we feel like we've been treated unfairly.

[It would be beneficial to understand each other's emotions]

[We also have emotions and we would appreciate being understood]

Your teacher appreciates you, and when you encounter unfairness, you have the option to stand up for yourself, which takes courage. And when you are wronged, there are classmates to play games with you, which is why you are usually so enthusiastic towards your friends.

It might be helpful to consider the following advice.

When you return, it would be beneficial to communicate with your family members. You may wish to express your views on this matter and also your need to be understood by your family. If your family members are unable to understand, you could also talk to friends and express your feelings.

If you feel you need further support, our professional counselors are also available to help you regulate your emotions.

I am listening to the teachings of dolphin teacher Zeng, and I hope that I can be of some assistance to you. With best regards,

Hello, my name is Yan Shiqi, and I'm so happy to be able to help you with your questions!

After reading your story, I can see how you might feel that your parents are biased towards your younger sister because of her.

This is something that most families with two kids will go through, so it's totally normal for you to feel this way.

I can relate to this so well! I'm the eldest child in my family and I've experienced the same thing.

Looking back now, even if parents are occasionally biased, it's not really the kind of bias we think it is. After all, every parent truly loves their child!

First of all, it's so important to remember that the things we think are important are all trivial in the eyes of our parents.

Take the matter of getting the delivery, as the OP said.

In their parents' eyes, it's just a minor detail of who makes an extra trip and who makes fewer trips. They're so used to it that they don't even think twice about it.

So when the questioner told her mother about this, her mother, in the questioner's shoes, felt that the questioner was making a big deal out of a small matter.

As for Dad and the rest of the family, they felt that their sister wasn't really losing out by making an extra trip. They thought it was just a small thing to argue about.

Secondly, parents often feel that the older generation should be more respectful towards the younger generation.

It's because parents of this generation have this perception that they "let." It's also why the eldest child in many families feels aggrieved.

But in their parents' eyes, they were also forced to give way.

It's so hard to change how our parents think, isn't it? But there is something you can do. You can talk to your parents in a way that shows them how you feel.

Let's help them learn to understand the insecurity that comes from the change in circumstances after the eldest child has a younger sibling.

Of course, the questioner can also try to adjust their own mentality and just let their parents treat them equally in major matters. They don't have to force their parents to do the little things they want, and they can't expect everything to go their way.

It's so important to regulate your emotions. You can do this by reading, talking to friends, and so on. Your parents might think that playing games is the same as surfing the internet, which could be bad for your studies.

The Yiyi Psychology platform is also a great place to choose to communicate and take a little break from everything.

The main character believes deep down that her mother buys schoolbags for both her and her younger sister. She wants to be fair, at least on the inside.

You've got this!

I really hope this helps! That's my answer, but I'm always here if you need anything else.

Hello, child. I hope my answer helps.

It's normal to care if your parents love you more. Siblings compete. This started when you were young. You were the only child, then you had a younger sister. Your parents spent more time with her, so you felt they loved her more.

This is normal. Most older siblings feel this way and care about their parents' love. We are the eldest and received our parents' full love first. Then we had younger siblings. We feel threatened and anxious. These emotions are buried in our subconscious. If you can see them, you will understand yourself better.

My advice is:

Try to see things from your mother's point of view. She has her limits, but she loves you.

I also have an older sister and a younger brother. When I was young, I cared about who my parents liked more. My mother told me to let my brother have his way and said she loved us both. I agreed, so I let my brother have his way. My brother still says I was nice to him when he was young. But after I became a mother, I realized that every mother really loves her children. We feel that we lack our parents' love because their energy is limited. They have to work and take care of us. They are not perfect, so they cannot be considerate in everything.

We expect our parents to be perfect and fair, but they can't meet our expectations because that's just how they are. They can't give us what they don't have.

Try to imagine you are your mother. You have two daughters. When your older daughter refuses to let her younger sister have her way, how does she feel? She has expectations of you too. She hopes you will let your younger sister have her way, be more obedient and sensible, and share some of the burden for them. Is it easy for you to do all of this?

We all see things differently and have our own needs. If we can understand our mothers, we won't be so angry with them. Mothers are difficult to change.

The book "A Change of Heart" says there are three types of things in the world: your own, other people's, and the affairs of heaven. People are troubled because they worry about other people's and heaven's affairs, but they don't control their own. A mother's actions and thoughts are her own, shaped by her life experience. It's hard to change them. For example, she thinks the older sister should give way to the younger sister. This is because of her upbringing.

We can adjust our thoughts and behaviors, adjust our expectations of our parents, accept them, and express our needs and desires for their care and love through communication.

2. Tell your parents how you feel and what you need.

Your emotions come from wanting your parents' love. Talk to them about what you need. You might feel better if you can tell them you love them.

If you feel aggrieved after asking your mother for comfort, you can try to find a calmer moment to say, "Mum, I really needed your understanding and support when I called for comfort the other day. I felt sad and hurt. I need you to understand me and love me. When my sister and I have a row, can you be more understanding? I think I will believe you love me if you are more understanding. But if you always say I'm wrong, it's hard for me to believe..." You can also listen to your mother's needs and feelings.

When you communicate with your mother, you'll both get to know each other better. This will help your relationship. If you help your mother, she'll like you more.

3. Find ways to release your emotions that you like and that work.

You say you don't want to live. This doesn't solve the problem. You have too many emotions, and you need to find ways to release and relieve them. If you persist in doing this often, you can gain inner peace and harmony.

We can release emotions in the following ways:

Talk to the right friends. When you're feeling down, find a friend you trust and talk to them about your worries. The right friends are those who can support you and make you feel comfortable.

Go for a workout. Do whatever you like. You can learn to relax while exercising.

Write down your feelings and thoughts. Don't worry about how it looks or if it makes sense. Just write as much as you want.

Hitting pillows and sandbags to release your anger.

Use the empty chair technique to release emotions. Place an empty chair in a room and assume the person you want to confide in is sitting in it. You can express yourself to the chair.

I hope this helps. Best wishes!

The host empathizes with you because you feel that you have been treated unfairly and aggrieved by the whole experience of receiving the package. It's understandable to feel aggrieved.

It's okay.

1. Different people have different views.

The host puts herself and her younger sister in the position of both children and parents, and believes that parents should treat them equally. So, when it comes to picking up the delivery, it should be one person at a time.

Your parents think it's no big deal to take the delivery one more time, which has kind of overlooked your feelings.

2. Value feelings and express them reasonably.

The host's feelings are important. It's a routine matter, and everyone is probably used to treating you this way. Now that you know how you feel, what are your feelings? You feel like you're being ignored, and you're upset and disappointed.

The host can express his feelings reasonably. He feels that you don't care about him, that he's been treated unfairly, and that he hopes his younger sister will grow up and become more independent.

3. Take responsibility for your emotions.

The host is unhappy about how the family has handled this matter, and everyone in the family knows about it. However, the family doesn't take your feelings seriously, and you are being blamed for resisting their dissatisfaction.

I don't think the original poster needs to make any accommodations. People are responsible for themselves.

Take responsibility for your emotions and actions.

Ultimately, it's up to the host to make themselves happy, while others are responsible for their actions.

You can make it clear that you don't want your younger sister to be lazy and dependent.

You can also speak up if you're not happy about this kind of favoritism from parents.

4. Grow your skills and abilities.

What are the host's hobbies and interests? Your life isn't just about family—you have your own interests too. Find them and develop them.

Hobbies can also help you make friends with people who think the same way, and build relationships based on equality, respect, and tolerance. This can really help you develop your character.

Parents can't choose how they act, but they should be aware of their own behavior, which requires some wisdom.

If parents are used to treating their kids differently, it might be because they see things differently, and there's no need to change them. Instead, they should be encouraged to think about things in a different way.

Her behavior is a form of dependency and irresponsibility. She needs to grow up and take responsibility for herself.

The host can set clear boundaries and stick to them.

The host is still very active and I hope you can find that exciting too.