Mother's words and actions always make me feel uneasy, as if I owe her an apology?

Hello, host!

As a mother, I feel guilty that I can see the hostess is having such worries.

It seems like I often say this to my kids and expect the same from them.

I was once a child too, and I remember feeling pretty upset when my parents were critical of me or expected too much.

And as they grow up, they treat their kids the same way.

I think this is a vicious cycle. Parents aren't always aware of how their actions affect their kids.

It's likely this cycle will continue forever.

I'll start by reflecting on my own actions because I also demand good grades from my children.

I never considered my child's feelings. Even though I'm now an adult and a mother.

Just because you love your kids doesn't mean you have to demand good grades from them.

To empathize with the young landlord's feelings of injustice. Mom is also a first-time mom

There are also some drawbacks.

A mother's way of showing love might not be what her child is looking for.

The issue with parent-child communication is that it often comes across as, "I'm doing this for your own good, everything is for your own good."

From the smallest things, like what to wear and what to eat, to the biggest things, like studies and exams, kids have to obey their parents. It can feel very restrictive.

At this age, kids are really helpless. They're too weak to resist.

On the one hand, kids rebel really strongly during adolescence because they feel unwanted.

Adults often try to use their own experiences to teach children a lesson.

As the child of a landlord, I hope to be able to tell my parents my thoughts honestly and have in-depth communication.

Maybe if Mom realizes her own issues, she'll make some changes.

Don't lash out in anger or remain silent!

Childhood has its ups and downs, and youth is full of both beauty and confusion.

No matter what stage you're at, it's important to listen to your true inner feelings and build a good relationship with your parents.

I'm sure you'll have more success in your studies and in life in general!

I also wish the host a happy life!

I'm Warm June, and I love you all!

Hugging classmates, the original poster's mother stated, "The heart of every parent is compassionate." However, she also acknowledged that her actions could be perceived as excessive or inconsistent with her stated beliefs, which could lead to feelings of misunderstanding and resentment in her daughter. A classmate also mentioned, "My mother's words and actions always make me feel bad."

It is curious to note that when one makes a significant purchase, such as a major appliance or a vehicle, a comprehensive manual is provided.

It is unfortunate that there is no manual available to guide individuals through the process of becoming an adult, nor is there a manual for parents on how to be parents.

Thus, when parents begin from the standpoint of "I only want what's best for you," it can be argued that their actions are, in fact, driven by self-interest.

Moreover, this situation is almost universal to human nature, transcending national boundaries and cultures. I recommend two books to the host, which you can read if you have the time.

1. Susan Forward, The Poisoned Parent

2. Wu Zhihong, "Why Does Home Hurt People"

Let us return to the narrative of the original poster. The original poster and her mother are engaged in two fundamental disagreements:

1. Despite her assertion that she is unconcerned with academic performance, her actions indicate otherwise.

"Despite her assertion that she is indifferent to my academic performance, she monitors my progress with great scrutiny."

"Observe your aunt's two sisters. They are eminently sensible and do not cause their mother any concern."

2. The mother repeatedly emphasizes her own goodness and kindness towards the child, thereby eliciting feelings of sympathy and pity from the child.

"We provide you with the best of everything, treat you kindly, and nourish you well."

"Do not assume that your actions are benevolent; when you are older, you will no longer require our care."

"She consistently asserts that she has done a great deal for me, yet I am left wondering what I have contributed to the relationship."

One can attempt to comprehend the mother's perspective by analyzing her statements. Only through such an endeavor can one truly grasp her underlying emotions and motivations.

These words demonstrate her excessive love and dependence on you, as well as her lack of confidence in herself.

The "projection" principle is a fundamental concept in psychology. It posits that our perceptions of the external world are influenced by our subjective experiences.

Her lack of confidence manifests as a tendency to fret over numerous concerns.

1. She is concerned that you will not perform well in school.

2. Concerned that you may ultimately choose to terminate the relationship.

3. Concern that one's own perception of one's relationship with the child is not aligned with the child's perception.

How does she express her lack of confidence? By pestering you with incessant complaints. Her behavioral pattern can be described as follows:

I experience a sense of relief when I verbalize my concerns.

One behavior that is indicative of unilateral communication on the part of the mother is:

She misinterpreted my actions as laziness. I informed her that I was merely completing my homework assignments, yet she persisted in her assumption, remarking that my aunt's two sisters are exceptionally responsible and do not cause their mother concern.

It is evident that the individual in question does not require a response from the observer; she is not listening to what is being said, but rather expressing her concerns and worries. This behavior allows her to feel better.

Once the distinction is made that her nagging is directed at herself, not at you, the ability to understand and learn not to take these things to heart is facilitated.

It is important for children and parents to recognize that attempting to alter another person's behavior is futile; instead, they must learn to adapt themselves to the situation.

As one gains a deeper comprehension of one's mother, a sense of compassion and affection emerges.

She is unable to express her love in a manner that is perceived as acceptable, and thus resorts to actions that cause discomfort.

It is sufficient to confirm the following aspects:

1. It is imperative that your mother love you.

2. The mother's emphasis on academic performance reflects her belief that it is a key determinant of future success and a pathway to a fulfilling life.

In essence, her hope is that you will lead a fulfilling life.

3. The mother is fearful of losing her child.

When these underlying ties are established, it is no longer necessary to question whether one's mother's actions align with her words or whether one can meet her expectations.

The host is only required to embody virtue and possess a clear conscience. There is no necessity to engage in constant contention with one's mother, as she is unlikely to heed one's words.

It is imperative that we assume responsibility for our actions and strive to ascertain the purpose of our existence.

The love that exists in the world can be divided into two distinct categories: universal love and parental love. The latter is characterized by a tendency to seek separation.

This dynamic is evident in numerous familial issues. Ultimately, it is not the child who is unable to survive without the parents; it is the parents who are truly unable to live without the child.

It is an inescapable fact that one will eventually embark on a life of one's own, a process that is both inevitable and irreversible.

The concept of filial piety is frequently discussed. Among the ways to demonstrate filial piety is to provide for one's parents. Many individuals are capable of this, but what is often challenging is the act of "obeying."

It is challenging to align one's actions with the desires of one's parents while simultaneously maintaining one's own sense of comfort and autonomy.

The host may choose to assume responsibility for their own actions. Submitting verbally to one's parents while maintaining internal convictions represents an optimal approach to filial behavior.

Ultimately, as comprehension of one's mother matures and internal judgments subside, the relationship will become increasingly harmonious.

One may choose to direct their attention toward matters that pique their interest, endeavor to cultivate self-love and authenticity, and refrain from undue concern for the feelings of others. It is only when one feels at ease with oneself that one can more effectively care for their aging parents.

The typical sequence is as follows: parents possess a robust emotional capacity and acute awareness, providing care and acceptance of their children's emotions while simultaneously offering guidance and transformation.

In practice, however, many parents have not acquired this skill, and thus frequently project their emotions onto their children, who then have to learn to transform and deflect these emotions.

This is an onerous burden for children to bear. It is imperative that we assume responsibility for our own actions and affairs, and refrain from assuming the responsibilities of others, whether divine or otherwise.

In such instances, it is helpful to remind oneself that one's mother's actions are driven by a genuine love for her child, albeit expressed in ways that may not align with one's expectations.

It would be beneficial for you to start taking responsibility for your own actions. It is important to love yourself more, recognize your own excellence, and give yourself more affirmation. Doing so will undoubtedly result in a better version of yourself. I wish you success in your studies and healthy growth.

This situation is very common! My mother's words and actions are influenced by her upbringing and her low self-worth.

My mother says, "We give you the best, we serve you well and feed you well. Don't you see how nice she is talking now, but when we get old you won't want us anymore." She wants to use her "goodness" towards you to get you to take care of "their old age" in the future. She doesn't quite trust you. When they get old and are no longer of value, will you still treat them as well as you promised when they were still of value?

"I got 85 on the history and politics exam, and she said, 'The teacher called and said you've regressed. I didn't want to tell you, and I don't usually put pressure on you, so why don't you know how to study well?'" It seems that what the teacher said about your grades has put pressure on your mother. She says it's not your fault, but she feels responsible.

"She says she doesn't care about my grades, but she watches me closely. She always says that I haven't appreciated all she's done for me," but maybe my mother will realize that studying is a personal matter.

Your parents consider you part of them. If you are good, they will be good; if you are not good, they will not be good.

I work hard, and you should too. I've done a lot for you, so you should be good to me. The way to be good to me is to study hard and get good grades.

"My mother is right. She does love me, and I can't be heartless and say, 'I didn't tell you to do it like this.'" This may be what psychologists call "control in the name of love," which makes the "loved one" unable to move.

"If you don't care about my grades, don't say you do. Don't act like I've let you down." Perhaps her mother is trying to relieve her anxiety by saying one thing but doing another. No matter what the outcome, "mother" is the one who comes out on top.

How old is the questioner? You don't need to stay with your mother. Just do your own thing.

Do your best and be true to yourself. That's how you repay your mother for her kindness.

I hope my reply helps. Best wishes!

Hello, question asker!

From what you've told me, I'm happy for you on the one hand because you have self-awareness; on the other hand, I feel that when your mother says this to you, you must feel aggrieved and want to argue with her, but you don't know where to start...

Yes, if my mom often expresses her thoughts this way, I'm sure I'll feel a deep sense of guilt as a kid. I'll feel like I haven't done well enough. I'll tell my mom I'm sorry, that I'm not as good as my cousin, and that I've let her down again. If this continues, I'll feel inferior and I'll start thinking like my mom does. I'll think, "She's good, I'm not," "Her... is better than mine..." etc. All of the above are automatic thoughts influenced by my family.

But once we become aware of it, we can break this automatic pattern. That's why I mentioned "I'm happy for you" above. You've become aware of it, and things will turn out differently!

As the questioner said, we know our mothers love us, but when they say those things, we are hurt. No one likes to be compared to others, and no one likes to hear their mother say things like, "I'm doing this for the children now."

How could my mother do that? Maybe it's because she was also parented this way when she was young, and her elders often spoke to her in this way. She hasn't learned any better, so this is the only way she knows how to communicate with her child, and she just uses it without considering her child's feelings.

In this situation, we can say to our mother when we're feeling calm and collected: "Mom, I know you love me and you only want what's best for me! But I feel really uncomfortable when you talk like this (comparing me to other children), as if I were a particularly stupid child... I'm also trying hard, for example I've done... etc.

I hope you can tell me what you want me to do and please don't compare me to others.

This way of expressing yourself not only tells your feelings, but also what you don't like about your mother and what you expect from her in the future. It's a great way to get your point across, and next time the questioner can communicate with her mother in this way to see the effect.

2. We can't change our mothers, but we can change ourselves. As the original poster mentioned, you've already realized that your mother's own special inferiority complex, etc., has a particularly strong impact on you. It's true that a mother's words and deeds have a particularly strong impact on children.

If the mother doesn't recognize this, we have to work harder and do more mental construction ourselves. For example, when the mother compares us to others, we have to ask ourselves if this is really the case.

Am I really inferior to her? Make a list of your own strengths and give yourself a boost. You'll feel a lot better!

3. If you can, talk to your mother more so she knows how you're feeling. I'm sure your mother loves you and your family. For the sake of family harmony and your children's well-being, every mother can become a learning expert!

I suggest that the mother read the book "Nonviolent Communication," which describes many communication skills with children. The title owner of this book can also read it, which will be very helpful for their own growth!

I hope the questioner and her mother can get along better! Best wishes!

Hello, question asker!

Give the subject a big, warm pat on the shoulder to show them you're there for them. Even though the subject's parents say they don't care about their grades, their actions show they care about them all the time!

The OP's parents are trying to help by giving advice, but unfortunately, the effect is the opposite.

It's so important to recognize that often, the questioner's parents think they are not putting pressure on the questioner, but in fact they are causing harm. The way the questioner's parents communicate with the questioner is always a kind of negative control behavior, which we can all learn to recognize and change!

That is, they do not value the emotions of the questioner. Perhaps they have received relevant family education that tells them not to put too much pressure on the questioner. But here's the thing: parents always try to stimulate the questioner through "backhanded compliments." For example, they may say that the questioner will abandon them when they grow up, even though they clearly hope that the questioner will repay them. They may say that they do not care about grades, even though they clearly value them.

These are all manifestations of the parents' desire to control the subject, which is something we can all relate to! They may also be well-intentioned and aim to protect the subject, but they are using the wrong methods.

Since the question was asked on the platform, I'm excited to share some tips on how the questioner can handle parental control!

It's time to identify the controlling behavior of your parents!

Sometimes parents may be strict with the questioner, but that is not necessarily a controlling behavior, nor does it mean that they have a controlling personality. The good news is that a truly controlling parent will control others through specific methods, which you can learn to recognize.

These methods can be obvious or subtle, and they can take many forms! They can range from overwhelming criticism to veiled threats.

You know your parents are highly controlling when you see these signs:

They're always giving you constructive feedback on things like your appearance, attitude, and the choices you make.

They might even go as far as to say, "If you don't come home right now, I'll kill myself!"

Guilt is a powerful motivator. It can drive us to do things we might not otherwise do. For instance, your mother might say, "We'll give you the best of everything and pamper you with good food and drinks." She might say, "Don't look at what you're saying now, when we're old you won't want us." She's using words to make you listen and do what she thinks is right.

Take responsibility for your own actions and own your power!

The poster's parents are trying to control some of the poster's behavior, but the good news is that the poster gets to decide how to respond! Do you let them control your every word and action?

Or, you can face it bravely! Of course, dealing with parents' controlling behavior does not mean that you are not respectful to your parents. It just allows you to face some of their controlling behavior more calmly.

It's time to practice speaking to the mirror, maintaining a respectful attitude, and behaving appropriately in response to your parents' controlling behavior. Get ready to practice responding to various scenarios based on the different responses your parents may make!

As a parent, your folks have a responsibility to raise you to be a healthy, happy, and upright person, and you have a responsibility to be a healthy, happy, and upright person, too! If the source of your happiness differs from your parents' expectations of you, you should carefully consider how to respond to their parents and try to please yourself as much as possible when conditions permit.

Take control of your own life!

The questioner still lives with his parents and depends on them for many things, so it is unlikely that he will be able to get away from their control all of a sudden. But that's okay! It just means that he has the opportunity to take control of as many things as possible, even if they are not important to his parents.

For example, when to go to school, when to come back, when to study—you should try to control your time as much as possible! The more things you control, the more self-confidence you will have, and slowly you will be able to make some decisions according to your wishes.

Embrace the reality!

The questioner cannot change their parents, and this is a reality you must accept. But here's the good news! Although neither the questioner nor their parents can control the feelings and thoughts of the other, they can change their attitude towards each other and thus change the other person's attitude towards you.

You can't expect parents to change their personalities. But you can encourage them to change their attitudes! It's up to them whether and when they change. And while it's difficult to change other people's minds, especially when they feel they're not in the wrong and don't want to change, you can be the one to change them!

Be strong!

Why do parents want to control the behavior of the questioner? Could it be because the questioner is ready to take on the world and needs a little guidance?

If the questioner is strong enough to do everything without the help of their parents, just think of how much more powerful they'll be!

In the face of their controlling behavior, try to spend less time with them, rely less on their time, set boundaries for yourself and your parents, and if necessary, seek help from teachers at school or other elders. If your parents control you with words, you can say, "I feel that as an independent individual, I have no rights." You can do this!

It's time to set some boundaries!

It's time to set some boundaries between you and your parents! Make sure you stick to them, and respect each other's boundaries. Come up with a plan for your mutual private space, and stick to it. If you can't respect this boundary, it'll just let their controlling behavior continue, and it'll be pointless.

When problems arise in your relationship with your parents, it's a great idea to use some verbal skills! You could try saying something like, "I respect your boundaries, but sometimes my boundaries are not respected."

How can we make sure that both our needs are met?

If the questioner still cannot make some progress with their parents through their own efforts, they can seek help from the school's psychological counselor or some professional psychological practitioners. Have a good talk with your parents and hope that they can go to counseling with you. Of course, in order to improve your persuasiveness, the questioner can first talk about their situation with a trusted teacher, friend, or other relative, and they may be able to help you.

I really hope my answer helps the questioner!

Hello, dear!

If you've had a tough time with your mom and you're feeling down, you can always head over to the community to chat and get some answers. I think that's a great idea! To be fair, if it were my kid, I'd probably head over to the Q&A area for some help.

I feel guilty inside. As a mother, I live in my own fears and judgments, unable to communicate with my child on an equal and smooth level, but instead causing my child distress. But on the other hand, I also feel a little relieved. Even though I am not perfect and have caused my child distress in some ways, the child is still very resilient and resourceful, knowing where to go for help.

I can totally relate to these feelings because I'm also a mom!

From what you've told me, I'd love to share some thoughts about your mom that might help you understand her better. It seems like you feel like she cares about your grades, but also gives you space.

If the results don't meet her expectations, she'll probably be disappointed. It's only natural to feel a little angry when you're criticised for not making progress, especially when you've been given so much care and space.

This is totally normal! What the mother is doing is basically criticizing you with her love and devotion.

This kind of criticism can make a child feel unsure of how to express their dissatisfaction. Mom thinks that she loves you very much, has sacrificed a lot for you, and has given you a lot of freedom in your studies.

With this in mind, it seems that your mother can demand the result she wants, that is, you must live up to what she expects. This could be translated as, "I have given you this, so you must listen to me."

If you don't listen, it's your fault. You're guilty. I totally get it if you feel suffocated and angry at such logic.

If the demands are very straightforward and overbearing, you have to listen to me. It often seems less superficially correct, and I'm here to help! We still have room to express anger and say something like, "You can't control me like that. I'm in charge of my grades."

And so on. But if you add another layer on top of "You have to listen to me," it could be something like, "I've done so much for you, so why don't you listen to me?"

I love you so much! I've sacrificed everything for you, so why don't you listen to me? Sometimes we just become speechless, don't we?

Because of this logic, it seems that we are deprived of the right to express anger, express dissatisfaction, and make decisions for ourselves. It is especially easy to do so with loved ones and the parents who raised us, isn't it? I totally get it!

I don't know if this description is making you feel scared. It can seem like a kind of harm done in the name of love, right? But your mother really does love you. At the same time, there might be a part of her that's struggling to deal with her own anxieties and fears.

If your grades aren't where you'd like them to be, it can bring up feelings in your mother like, "I'm not a good mother, I can't educate children, I'm terrible." These feelings may be things your mother is not aware of, or things she cannot bear to face.

So she gave it her all, hoping that if you did well at school, she would feel safe inside and prove that she was a good mother and a worthwhile person.

It's also possible that your mother's mother was brought up in this way. She devoted herself to her mother and then expected the same from her daughter.

This was her way of getting love. It's possible that your mother may also have felt angry towards her mother, but in those days, it was even more difficult to express such feelings, so they were deeply suppressed.

It's possible that your mom accepted this way of loving you wholeheartedly. She probably saw it as the best way to show her love for you. This way of mothering, without any reflection, was passed on to you naturally.

It's so important to get to know your mother better so you can understand her better. Think about her anxieties and fears, how she interacted with her own mother, and her parenting philosophy.

I just want to say that mothers are not perfect beings. Take away the identity of mother, and we are all ordinary imperfect people.

We all have blind spots and shortcomings, sweetheart. But just because you have become a mother, it doesn't mean that your shortcomings and blind spots have disappeared.

As children, you'll naturally receive your mother's full care and attention. But along with that, you'll also get a little bit of her that she hasn't had the chance to work through herself. If you can more consciously distinguish between these two parts,

Be grateful for all that your mother has done for you. She's done so much for you, and you should be thankful. Try to do your best to pursue what you want to do, and do what you want to do with your life. It's okay to accept the part of your growth that your mother herself has not been able to handle. You don't have to completely enter into your mother's logic. Believe that you will become stronger within, and know better how to get along with your mother.

You are you, and your mother is your mother. You love your mother, and that's a wonderful thing! But you don't have to express your love by compromising yourself.

And remember to love her while maintaining your inner independence and value, and work hard and take responsibility for your own life.

I really hope this helps. Sending you lots of love and best wishes!

Hello, question asker!

From your account, I can tell that you are an amazingly loving child who is considerate of others and strives to do your best.

Mom's anxiety

There's no doubt about it, your mom loves you! But she might be unintentionally doing you a disservice with her methods.

Your mom doesn't want to put pressure on you, but she has inadvertently made you feel more pressure. So, what is she really worried about?

What if you don't do well on your exams? What's the worst that could happen?

I think this may be hiding behind the mother's deep-seated insecurity. If you like, you can choose an appropriate time to discuss this topic with your mother and explore what she is really worried about. It would be great if you could find out if it's really going to happen!

Seeing the fear within, it is not so scary. And when you are sure that it is not so scary, guess what? The anxiety will also ease up!

Together, you can work on managing your respective things and emotions — and you can do it!

It's time to share your feelings!

Your mother's anxiety has unconsciously triggered your inner stress, which in turn has triggered your negative emotions. How did you feel when your mother said those things to you? Let's explore this together! The expression of feelings is "I feel self-blame, I feel depressed, I feel happy..."

In nonviolent communication, you can:

Let's dive right in and state the facts that trigger our feelings!

And now for the fun part! It's time to express what feelings it has aroused in us (express feelings rather than guesses).

3. Then make a specific request of the other person (something like, "Mom, I feel a lot of pressure about this setback, but I'm going to try to adjust and find a better way. Meanwhile, your encouragement and trust are very important to me. I really need your understanding and trust at this moment.")

Once you've expressed your true feelings to the other person, you'll be able to see their response. Then, you can repeat the process!

Expressing our true feelings to others is the absolute best way to gain their understanding and respect! Repressed feelings don't just disappear; they find other ways to express themselves, like in all those exciting plot twists in TV dramas.

I highly recommend learning about Nonviolent Communication! It can help us get along better with others, whether it's family, friends, or any kind of relationship.

I am a big brain, and I love the world and you! Thanks for reading!

Hello, my name is Strawberry!

From what you've shared, it seems like you're struggling with the way your mother treats you. It's so hard when we feel like we have to put up with things we don't like, isn't it? From your conversations, I can see that your mother is using "bitter drama" to make you feel guilty, and she is also anxiously trying to control your life in some way.

I once saw a video online of a father who was teaching his child that it was his fault if the child's grades were bad, so he was whipping himself. When the child saw his father like that, he cried a lot and promised his father that he would study hard. It was so sad to see the father in such a state!

I'm sure you're wondering whether this child will really be motivated to study hard afterwards. It's a fair question! This kind of guilt-based education can cause the child to feel a great deal of psychological pressure and guilt, which might have a significant impact on the child's growth. For example, they might feel self-doubt or lack of self-confidence.

The mother of the original poster is always telling the original poster how hard she works. This shows the original poster how much her mother loves her. But it can also make the original poster feel like she has to obey her mother and do what she says.

My mom's words and actions often make me feel a bit down, as if I've let her down.

Let's chat about this kind of love.

There's absolutely nothing wrong with a mother loving her child. However, this kind of guilt-based education is not the way to go. It's important to express your thoughts to your mother and help her realize that this kind of education can feel suffocating.

Let's make sure moms know not to use the name of love to deepen their sense of guilt. That way, they're not forced to repay her efforts and kindness. Appropriate feelings of guilt can be a good thing. They can make us aware of the important points we usually ignore and help us adjust our behavior when needed. But if they're excessive, they can affect our values.

Let's all work together to help parents learn the best ways to educate their children.

Once parents realize that their own education methods aren't quite right, they can join their mothers in learning about the best ways to parent. By gaining new parenting knowledge, parents can reflect on themselves more and think about finding the right education methods for their children.

It's so important to remember that between parents and children, nobody owes anybody else anything. We're all in this together, and it's so healthy to get along as equals. I really believe that parents should choose more positive and optimistic ways of educating their kids. It's also a great idea for the questioner to let his or her mother read up on [How new families shape people] and [Why family can hurt].

I really hope my answer helps the questioner. All the best!

Hi, I'm a heart coach, here to listen to your story and support you in finding a way forward.

It's important to understand your current feelings. You believe that your mother loves you, but her words and actions give you a sense of control.

You feel like you're being smothered by your mother's love. You're exhausted, both physically and mentally, and you're at a loss as to what to do. You can't continue to bear your mother's emotional blackmail, and you want to escape, but you're stuck due to your sense of morality – you must be filial and respectful to your parents.

Emotional blackmail is a form of control.

Control is different from communication. It's about acting with your own purpose, hoping the other person will do things your way. It's like manipulating them like a puppet.

Your mother often uses words to "hypnotize" you and does everything for you. Emotionally, you agree with and accept this.

However, when she brings up things like future support in old age and doing well at school, it makes you feel rebellious. It makes you feel like her kindness towards you is all for a reason.

Even her good behavior towards you is conditional, and this has a serious impact on the parent-child relationship between you.

It's important to recognize that even though they're parents, they're still human with their own limitations. For instance, they may not have received enough love from their own families or may not have learned how to love.

There are also limits based on how much your parents can learn, what they grew up with, and what they were taught. Get to know why your parents act the way they do and separate their actions from their reasons.

There are right and wrong ways to act, like emotional blackmail in words and actions. But what's behind it? They love you and want the best for you.

2. Boost your self-worth and distance yourself from your parents' issues.

Our sense of worth is how we see ourselves. But it often comes from our parents' criticism, denial, and accusations. Over time, we start to see ourselves the same way they do.

For instance, your mother might compare you to your two older sisters from your aunt's family.

Kids who are constantly criticized, denied, and blamed by their parents are likely to develop a low sense of worth, become sensitive and suspicious, have a fragile ego, and even develop inferiority complexes.

If parents often affirm, praise, and approve of their children, the children will feel a strong sense of self-worth and confidence. As adults, we can be our own significant others and provide ourselves with the psychological nourishment we need for physical and mental health.

The book "The Bond of Motherly Love" talks about how narcissistic mothers neglect their children emotionally and the negative impact this has. Meanwhile, "Fly Like an Elephant to Your Mountain" discusses how to move on from your original family and achieve self-growth and breakthroughs. I'd recommend reading this together.

There are simple ways to nourish yourself, like giving yourself positive feedback, affirming, praising, accepting, and identifying with yourself.

You can also help yourself by chanting similar slogans out loud.

"I'm a living being. I need love. I deserve love."

"I want to live my life to the fullest, facing the sun with confidence and happiness."

"Have faith, meet challenges, and believe in yourself."

I hope these words are helpful to you and to the world. And I love you.

If you want to keep in touch, just click "Find a coach" in the top right corner or at the bottom. I'll be in touch and we can work together one-on-one.