My boyfriend always messes up the house and can't do anything right, and I can't even say anything about it; what should I do, feeling exhausted?

Hello!

Hug you! It's totally understandable to feel frustrated when your boyfriend doesn't understand you or shows carelessness. It's natural to have different thoughts and feelings when we're facing similar problems. But if this continues, it might lead to a decision to separate.

In theory, three years is not a short period of time, and it is enough to understand the other person's temperament. But, bless his heart, the boyfriend is unaware of this. Even when things are right in front of his eyes and the facts are right in front of him, he still uses sophistry to avoid taking responsibility and protect his dignity.

Oh, I wonder if he really doesn't know how important it is to do good deeds?

He knows this, but he's not ready to admit it yet. Admitting it would mean taking responsibility, and that's not what he wants right now. So he enjoys playing cat and mouse, and he mistakenly believes that this does him no harm. These and other unwritten reasons are because he's not quite there yet, and for the time being, he doesn't want to be mature...

How can we make things better?

If you like someone, you can't just like their good points. That's not what this is about! But it also doesn't mean we need to tolerate their bad points without boundaries. If you want the other person to pay attention, you have to let them feel the consequences of doing things without boundaries. That is, you have to let them learn to take responsibility. Only a boy who feels the weight of the burden on his shoulders can grow up to be a real man, not a boy who is always tolerated by others.

[Clear division of labor and sharing of family responsibilities]

Now that you're living together, you'll need to face the everyday challenges of life. This will inevitably mean less time for romance, but that's okay! It's important to be honest with each other, take on family responsibilities, and share chores. It's not fair to expect love without giving love in return.

And the first step for a man to grow up is to learn to take responsibility. You should be brave enough to tell him what you need from him. When he's not doing what you ask or not doing it properly, you can kindly but firmly set boundaries. If he doesn't understand or avoids the issue, it might be a sign that he doesn't love you as much as you deserve.

[Teach patiently and acknowledge the differences between boys and girls]

Girls are naturally more delicate than boys, so in running a household, some requests need to be given time and opportunities for correction. A one-size-fits-all approach will only drive away those who are trying hard to learn. And in the process of patient teaching, one should not always compare the other person to oneself, because this is not fair and will affect one's own emotions, which can lead to feelings of disappointment.

Picture yourself as a child, learning from a kind teacher. She teaches with love, so you don't feel bad or embarrassed. You just feel happy and excited to learn! The boyfriend is the same. He doesn't know how to do the right thing, but he wants your love to stay the same, so he makes mistakes...

[Learn to communicate and keep the family's energy positive and healthy]

It's totally normal for the original poster to feel exhausted by trivial matters in the family. It's also normal to feel like things can't be resolved and that communication with their boyfriend is impossible. This is especially true when couples transition from the honeymoon period to the mundane period of life. There are also plenty of situations where things are always getting in the way! But if they can sort out the problem and wait until they've calmed down, they'll soon realize that it's caused by a lack of communication.

For example, one person doing the dishes and the other doing the laundry can instantly put the two rooms in a state of readiness for battle. It's so easy to get caught up in our emotions and not see what the other person needs. The person who needs care can feel misunderstood and turn away from listening. It's so important to learn to grow and face life's challenges with courage and vulnerability.

And when the energy of a family returns to a healthy flow, the expressed demands of its members will follow.

Wishing you all the best!

Take a moment to ask yourself:

From what you've said, it seems like your boyfriend is a bit immature. When you're not busy, ask yourself more often how you really feel about him. Do you like him, love him, or are you just used to him and don't have the courage to change?

It's important to keep an open mind before marriage to make sure this person is right for you. The core of dating is love, and communication is key. Dating should be clear and straightforward. Don't lose yourself because of sex. One is one, two is two. If you can accept his values, then you should. If you can't, then don't settle for them and don't compromise.

You say that these habits of his are unlikely to change. If you marry him, he will definitely bring these habits into the marriage. You just have to ask yourself if you can accept them at that time. If you can, and if he doesn't have any other habits that you consider to be problems, then you can continue talking.

If these living habits alone make you so conflicted and troubled that you can't accept them, then the two of you probably won't be able to get along. I still suggest that you don't settle for a marriage without compromise.

You might have to change yourself.

We can't change anyone in this world. We can only change ourselves. You like cleanliness, which is a good habit, but everyone grew up in different environments, and you can't force your likes on others.

For instance, if you're good at washing dishes, then you wash them. It's not a burden, is it? There are always things that one person excels at in a relationship. You just let him do what he's good at, and you do what you're good at. Isn't that the way to make up for it?

I think so.

I'm sorry to hear that.