My dad has always been peculiar in his temperament. Is he too trashy and worthless, then?

Hello, dear questioner! Thank you so much for your question.

After reading your question, I feel your pain, and I'm here to help!

1. You think everything about your father is your fault.

This is your father's projection on you, and it's a great opportunity for growth! He thinks he's not a good enough person, or even a failure, or even someone who feels like they are doing everything wrong.

Therefore, he will also treat you in the same way and make you feel really miserable as his daughter.

2. Now, let's talk about my father's strange temper.

Now, let's dive into this part: "My dad has always had a strange temper. It's because he's trash, right?"

It's so great to see that you're aware of how your father is affecting you, and you're taking steps to change it! It's also clear that you're affected by your father, but you're working on being more positive.

There's a classic saying in psychology that I love: "There is no one else out there, just ourselves."

In other words, when you think about what kind of person your father is, it's a great opportunity to look inward and see what's going on inside yourself that would make you act that way!

I have a feeling you may have learned to treat your father in the same way he treats you. This means you view your father in the same way.

3. About Dad: You feel that he is especially shameless in front of you, which is great because it means you can set clear boundaries with him.

About "He is especially shameless with me, what he says and does. What can I do?"

But I have only lived with him for the past year or so. He and my mother have been divorced for 30 years, which means I get to start fresh!

I don't know what to think! The part about going home by yourself

It's clear you're feeling distressed by your father's transgressions, but you can get through this!

In fact, when we feel these behaviors that violate our boundaries, whether they are from strangers or loved ones, we have the opportunity to feel annoyed or even have more negative emotions such as anger.

At this time, it's crucial to embrace our negative emotions and use them to navigate Dad's transgressive behavior. We can push Dad away within our boundaries and take back control!

There's another option: you can find a new place to live and not live with your father. This is called creating physical distance. At the same time, you can establish your mental boundaries, so that no matter how far your father crosses the line, you can remain firmly within your boundaries.

I really hope the above answers are helpful to you! The world and I love you!

Good day. I extend my support and understanding to you in this challenging situation.

It is important to recognize the feelings of injustice, anger, helplessness, and the desire for understanding, acceptance, and support that arise when facing a parent's violent temper.

It is important to note that emotions are neither inherently positive nor negative. Rather, they are often driven by unmet expectations and underlying needs, particularly when they are negative. Therefore, it is essential to recognize, accept, and respond to emotions in a constructive manner.

When confronted with your father's emotional outbursts, it is advisable to express your genuine feelings and desires for a more constructive approach. Adopting a calm and non-confrontational tone will foster a sense of acceptance and understanding, which may encourage him to let go of his defensive instincts and engage with his emotions in a more constructive manner. Conversely, displaying disdain, anger, or fear in response to his emotional outbursts may trigger a defensive reaction, leading to further intensification of his emotional responses.

This is not a desirable outcome.

In the face of your father's bad temper, it is important to accept and understand it while also expressing your true feelings. It is crucial to let him realize that his emotional state deeply hurts you. At the same time, demonstrate acceptance and understanding towards him so that he can also try to give you understanding and acceptance.

It should be noted that the ability to do this is contingent upon having a clear awareness and understanding of one's emotional feelings. This can be achieved by maintaining an emotional diary in which the painful emotional feelings caused by one's father's violent temper over the years spent together are recorded in writing. This will assist in better perceiving, understanding, experiencing, and feeling, as well as sorting out one's emotions and exploring the hidden needs behind them.

My name is Lily, and I am the Q&A Museum's resident expert on all things audio. I extend my personal regards to you and the world at large.