My daughter would rather break away from the family than follow her boyfriend, what should I do?

It's understandable that the questioner, as a mother, feels sad and worried. Her daughter is a piece of flesh that has fallen from her mother's body, so it's natural to be concerned. It's normal for the questioner to have these thoughts and feelings right now. However, there seem to be some issues with how the questioner's husband and wife interact with their daughter. These problems require attention, especially when the questioner mentioned that she wants her father to lock her daughter in the room. This kind of response won't communicate well with her daughter and might even cause her to feel extreme disgust and rebellion, leading her to want to escape from the family.

It might also be helpful to think about how you would like your parents to see and treat you if you were their daughter. Once you have figured that out, I believe you will have the answer.

Daughters are not just their parents' children, but also independent individuals with their own thoughts and freedom. They need their parents to respect them, trust them, recognize them, accept them, and support them so that they can grow up healthy and happy. She cares so much about this boy because she believes he respects her, trusts her, recognizes her, accepts her, and gives her freedom, rather than forcing, ordering, and controlling her. Even if this boy has been in prison, it doesn't affect her view that he treats her well and brings her satisfaction.

So, the questioner needs to think about what their spouse usually brings to their child. Is it a difficult experience of criticism, denial, and blame? Or is it unbridled satisfaction and spoiling? Or is it a mixture of the two?

From what the questioner has said, it seems that her daughter isn't completely indifferent to her parents' feelings. She also cares a lot about her parents' happiness. However, her parents seem to have no idea what is going on in their daughter's mind, and they don't know what their daughter wants. They just assume that they are meeting their daughter's needs as they see fit, and as a result, it is difficult for them to get along and communicate with their daughter easily and happily. Therefore, the questioner's parents need to reflect on and adjust the way they get along and communicate with their daughter. They can think about when their daughter is willing to communicate with them in their daily lives and when she is not. A comparison of the two sides will, I believe, lead to some discoveries.

Hello.

Your daughter would be well-suited to a career in e-commerce or as an anchor, especially given her background in art. She should consider these options, as they would align well with her strengths and abilities.

Her boyfriend undoubtedly has a certain masculine charm. He possesses the kind of masculine personality traits that are particularly attractive to her, such as ambition, fortitude, and bravery.

On the other hand, the nature of his work is also very attractive. This e-commerce job is attractive to her, and the person who does this job—especially if they do it well—will be attractive.

If your family is relatively lacking in intimacy and care, your daughter will look outside for it. When your daughter was little, you were not around much, so you were not that close.

Spending a lot of money later on to make up for the lack of intimacy and love will only get you half the results you expect. Money can't buy what love can.

You have a lot of affection for your daughter, but your expression of affection is subject to huge preconditions. If your daughter lives up to your expectations, you express your love. If she disappoints you, you threaten to break off contact.

This is likely a pattern from childhood where you cut off or became cold towards your daughter for practical reasons, which has made your parent-child relationship cold and rigid.

You must think and see things from your daughter's perspective to gain her understanding. We are looking at this from the perspective of an outsider, and you are looking at it from the perspective of a mother.

It may seem that we are more calm when we look at things from the sidelines and that we can remain emotionless. However, this is not the case for your daughter, who is caught in the whirlpool of love and career choices.

As a mother, you are anxious and worried, but you cannot afford to be like an outsider because of your identity.

As a mother, you may not be able to stand in your daughter's shoes and think for her. You have placed all your hopes in her, you want her to be happy, you worry about her safety, her future, that she has chosen the wrong person. In short, you are afraid that if she makes one wrong step, she will make every step after that wrong. These are valid concerns, but they are also keeping you up at night.

Your daughter is an adult, and you cannot pressure her into making a decision. She is an independent person, and no matter what choice she makes, she will remain your dearest daughter.

She said some very hurtful things that made you feel heartbroken. Of course you feel this way because she is your daughter.

If it were someone else, you would simply cut off contact and not try to patch things up.

I am certain that no hurtful words come naturally to a daughter. She may say something cruel when she is very emotional, but when she calms down, she will also feel very sad.

If you want to sever this bond of affection, it will hurt a lot.

The mother-daughter relationship also needs mutual warmth. It's clear that the sisters have a deep bond, and the sister's perspective makes it easier to understand the younger sister. The older sister can provide some guidance.

The mother must trust her daughter's choice. Even if she chooses to go back to her boyfriend, she is not choosing him for life, and she can still choose to leave.

She needs to gain experience step by step. The most important thing is for her to learn to protect herself and take responsibility for her own safety.

Mothers with daughters always have a lot of worries in their hearts. They worry about their daughters suffering, about them suffering hardship, and about them being cheated. Mothers are filled with fear and anxiety.

Mothers' worries about their daughters have undoubtedly increased in recent times. It is reassuring to know that our daughters are by our side and protected by us.

My daughter will grow up and leave our cozy nest, fly to her own family, and head towards her own life. As a mother, I will cultivate her various abilities, such as the ability to be brave, the ability to judge, the ability to be rational, etc. When she has these abilities, you will feel at ease and relieved.

Love the world and love yourself.

Hello. From your description, it's clear that there are constant problems in the relationship between your daughter and the boy. This has caused you great worry and disappointment. You were even hospitalized, and your daughter only stayed with you for one day before leaving. She promised to receive psychological counseling, but she didn't follow through. You have already cut off contact with her for four days because of her hurtful words.

I understand your concern and worry as a mother for your daughter. You are disappointed with your daughter's choice and at the same time saddened by her actions. These emotions are a natural result of your love for your daughter, your expectations for her, and your worries about her future.

The information about your daughter's boyfriend is completely unreliable. Anyone who hears it will think it's nonsense. There's an emotional "Romeo and Juliet" effect. Romeo and Juliet were determined to be together despite the opposition of their families.

Your daughter's situation is precisely what I'm talking about. The more you oppose her, the more rebellious she will become.

As a parent, you are right to guide your child's thinking and not let her be too willful. Your child is still young and doesn't have the judgment to make sense of many things. If parents don't guide them in time, they will undoubtedly go astray.

You must protect yourself and your daughter and ensure she is never hurt again.

As a parent, you should spend more time with your child, but sometimes work is unavoidable. Talk to your daughter and listen to her thoughts.

Give yourself and your daughter some space, give your daughter some freedom, keep the lines of communication open, and avoid excessive criticism. Stay calm and be aware of your emotions.

I am confident that you will be able to understand each other and reconcile.

I hope my answer can be of some help to you.

From your description, it seems that your daughter and her boyfriend are still in love. It is normal for couples to have conflicts. Since she chooses to be with him, it must be that he can meet many of her needs and make her feel better, which you cannot give her. You also mentioned that she dislikes her father. Perhaps she lacked fatherly love during her growth. It's possible that this guy just happens to have the love and companionship she needs, which is why she is willing to stay with him. Apart from the fact that he was imprisoned for fighting in a crowd, is there really nothing else about him that is not so good?

From an objective standpoint, wouldn't it be beneficial for your daughter to feel happy with him? What is your intention in wanting them to separate? Wouldn't it be in her best interest to be happy?

Ultimately, whether they want to reconcile and whether their daughter is content are matters for them to decide. In psychology, this is known as an individual's own issue, and they bear the responsibility of making their own decisions. If you truly wish to communicate effectively with your daughter, it is essential to understand and accept her, and to respect her. Otherwise, if the parent-child relationship is not established well, your relationship may become more distant, which could potentially limit the influence you have on her.

If I might offer you a suggestion, it would be this:

Perhaps it would be helpful to consider the situation from an objective perspective. It may not be as negative as it initially seems.

I have recently been working in community corrections, working with juvenile delinquents. Most of them are around 18 years old, and most of them were sentenced because they got into a fight on impulse or broke the law in some other way. It is important to remember that they are not worthless. They were just impulsive at the time. With the right guidance and support, most of them can adjust their mentality and live a normal, even very positive life.

It is worth noting that some juvenile correctional objects, even if they do not participate in community corrections, are also very normal. They may have simply made an impulsive mistake. It would be unfair to completely deny a person because of such a mistake. Instead, we should recognize that, as a person, he may have some flaws and shortcomings, but he also has his own strengths and values. If he can fully utilize his strengths and values, he has the potential to become a person who is especially useful to society and family.

For example, Louis Koo was also in prison as a teenager, but later, he did a great deal of charity work, built many schools, and devoted himself to his acting career, influencing many people and bringing everyone a great deal of positive energy. We would not completely deny him because of this experience, would we?

It would be beneficial to view this situation with an objective perspective. Despite having been incarcerated, it is important to recognize that this individual may not be inherently malevolent. Everyone possesses the capacity for growth and possesses a positive aspect to their character. It is possible that your daughter finds comfort in this aspect of his personality, which could contribute to a sense of security in their relationship.

2. It might be helpful to try communicating with your daughter in a way that is respectful and open, without forcing her to do anything. Sharing your feelings and needs, and listening to her, could help to enhance your relationship.

It might be helpful to consider that forcing her to lock herself up and not let her associate with him might not be the most effective approach. It's possible that she may not accept it, and it could potentially lead to a sense of distance between you. Without a good parent-child relationship, communication can become more challenging. To establish a good parent-child relationship, it might be beneficial to first accept her, understand her, and respect her.

In light of these considerations, it would be best to refrain from judging or blaming her. Instead, it would be more constructive to express your feelings and needs in an objective manner, while also making specific requests of her. For instance, you could say, "From what I've seen, you seem a little unhappy. I'm worried and a little sad, too. I hope you can be happy, and I hope you can tell me the truth. Do you really feel happy with him? What do you think he can bring you?"

It would be beneficial for you to listen to what she has to say, to hear her true feelings and needs, and to hear her specific requests of you. This is what she expects from you. Once you understand her true feelings, you may find your perspective on this matter shifts.

You might also consider listening to her and his story with curiosity. This could help you understand what attracts her about him, what she needs, and what she lacks in other relationships. If you would like to strengthen your relationship with your daughter, you may wish to try meeting this need in your relationship as well, in order to help her feel closer to you.

3. It might be helpful to learn to separate issues and return your daughter's issues to her. After all, it is her life, and she has the right to choose. Of course, she also needs to take responsibility for the consequences herself.

There is a concept in psychology called "issue separation," which suggests that in interpersonal relationships, it can be helpful to distinguish between our own issues and other people's issues. This can allow us to take responsibility for our own issues and return other people's issues to them. So, how might we distinguish between the two?

It would be helpful to consider who might be directly affected by this decision and what that might mean for them.

Ultimately, the choice of who your daughter marries and when is her own decision to make. You can, of course, offer her advice, but she needs to make her own choice and bear all the consequences herself. You cannot replace her, nor should you try to do so, as this is her life. Please believe that your daughter, as an independent individual, will also have her own judgment and the ability to take responsibility for herself.

Please feel free to refer to this information as needed. Wishing you the best!

Hi there,

I get it. You're worried your daughter has been cheated on and sad about the situation. You've tried to create better conditions for her, but instead of gaining her understanding, it's caused a rift.

You can find out more about him and ask around about him. If he really is terrible, then I believe your daughter will be able to judge for herself.

It seems like their arguments and his attitude towards your daughter have put her under mental control and made her distrust others. So, you need to destroy the trust between them and make your daughter suspicious.

Because your relationship has gone downhill and you've been rejected, they don't even listen to you anymore. This is the daughter expressing her emotions. She's always been unhappy with you, not being around when she was little, and now you're limiting her life.

It's important to understand her emotions first to improve the relationship.

If they keep suppressing her relationship with her boyfriend, she'll just keep fighting back.

You need to show her that her parents will always be there for her. And you need to help her learn to protect herself, her body, and her money.

It seems likely that the daughter gained a sense of intimacy and recognition from this boyfriend that she hadn't received at home before. It's also possible that she now thinks of herself as low value and blames herself, which is similar to her relationship with her parents. This may be because of their lack of attention when she was a child, which has led her to feel that she is not good and that's why her parents don't spend time with her.

This has really affected her.

So, as a mother, you also need to give the girl more recognition.

For instance, if she lands a job as an anchor, could her mother pay her a visit in the broadcast room to show her some support, rather than always putting her down?

If she feels like she's worth more than the guy, she'll think about leaving.

My daughter went to Guangdong for a couple of reasons. One was love, and the other was her career.

You can also encourage your daughter to consider other careers and relationships. For instance, she might benefit from a better marriage partner or more promising job opportunities.

If she has a better relationship with her sister, you can work on her through her sister.

As long as your daughter knows you love her, even if her boyfriend doesn't, she'll still choose to love her family.

Hello, questioner!

From your description, it sounds like your daughter has met a boy from Guangdong, which is really exciting! One of the reasons you oppose their relationship is that the boy has been in prison, which is a bit of a bummer. At the same time, your daughter and the other person have had a fight. After picking her up at home, your daughter can't resist the other person's sweet words and reconciles with him, which is great! You are very worried about your daughter like this, but I'm sure she'll be just fine.

You have tried to have a good talk with your daughter, and it's clear you care about her deeply. She feels bad about herself and thinks the boy is great, which is totally understandable. You have tried to lock your daughter at home, but she doesn't know your worries at all. She's very disappointed in you, but she understands your sadness and worries about your daughter.

Your concerns about this matter are based on a mother's protective instinct for her daughter. You are afraid that she will be cheated on by the boy, that she will get hurt, and that your daughter, whom you have raised with so much love and care, will not cherish you and instead find the boy attractive. You imagine your daughter coming home crying after being wronged, but then going back to the boy and apologizing when he says something nice to her.

The boy has been in prison for fighting, and you are worried that someone like this may be emotionally unstable and also have a tendency towards violence. This makes you very worried that your daughter will get hurt. But, when you are sad and upset, your daughter cannot understand your worries and thoughts. This can lead to her blaming you and being disappointed in you.

This makes you feel very aggrieved and heartbroken. However, the relationship is between your daughter and the boy, and forcing them to break up will only make your daughter blame you for interfering. After all, you are not in love yourself, and your likes and dislikes are based on some objectively conducted judgments. But here's the good news! You can still be part of your daughter's life and support her in a way that is not about forcing her to do anything. You can still be a part of her life and help her navigate this relationship in a way that is not about forcing her to do anything. You can still be a part of her life and help her navigate this relationship in a way that is not about forcing her to do anything.

I've got some great advice for you!

First, respect your daughter's choice. Since your daughter has chosen the other person, there must be something attractive about him!

There may be many problems with this relationship, but it is between your daughter and the boy. You can give your opinions and ideas, but you need to leave it to your daughter to handle the relationship. Instead of forcing her to be the villain, you are pushing her towards the other person, who has become the good guy or "family member" in her eyes.

Second, get to know the other person! In fact, if you want to care about your daughter, you can get to know their relationship.

For example, why did your daughter ask you to pick her up after the argument, and why did they make up afterwards? You can find out whose fault it was and help her work through it!

You can't tell her what to do, but you can definitely give her some great advice on how to react or handle the relationship with the other person! You can find out what's going on and help her work through it. You never know—the reason for the argument might be something you hadn't considered before!

You can also find out why the boy went to prison, and knowing the whole story may make it easier to judge.

Third, be your daughter's rock! The relationship may seem a little tricky to you, but the couple may not see any problems at all.

What you need to do at this time is neither support nor oppose, but you can be your daughter's biggest cheerleader! You can tell your child that you are her rock and that she can come to you in the future when she encounters something.

This way, even if she is hurt, she will come to you for help. She may regret having suffered a loss and be afraid to tell you, but you can help her! Let her know that suffering a loss is not terrible, that you can help her, and that you love her very much.

Fourth, have a great talk with your daughter! You're not talking to her to oppose her, but to share your concerns, like your worry that the other party will treat your daughter poorly and the hidden dangers of group fights.

But how can you choose an option that respects your daughter's choice while also letting her know you're there for her? It's simple! Just listen to your daughter's thoughts and feelings.

I really hope this helps! Wishing you the best!

Hello!

I know you're worried. Your daughter is at a critical stage in her life, and the relationship she chooses may affect your family and her future.

We suggest the following steps:

Listen to your daughter. Talk to her about why she chose this boy. Stay calm and don't be too emotional or critical.

Learn about the boy's background and personality. Find out if he has a criminal record or other negative history. This will help you assess the risks and future of your daughter with him.

Talk with your daughter about her future. Help her understand the impact of her efforts on her future. Guide her in thinking about her values, goals, and pursuits.

If your daughter won't talk to you, get help. A counselor or family therapist can help you and your daughter understand each other better and communicate better.

Give yourself time and space to deal with your emotions.

You can ask family or friends for help or get psychological support.

As a mother, you love and care for your daughter. Your love and support are important to her.

She needs to know she has a strong support system and a family that supports her.

1. Parents' anxiety stems from love and concern.

You are right to be concerned about your child's friendship with someone with a criminal record. You want to ensure she has a happy future and are willing to intervene. You can see that the two of them don't get along well, and you even pick up your child yourself. You love your child and feel for her.

2. Needs and reasons

If a child's psychological needs are not met in the original family, they will look for satisfaction in other people. They may not have experienced paternal love, and they may not have been understood, accepted, seen, encouraged, or supported in the family. Her evaluation of herself comes from her parents' thoughts about her.

The child hates her father, which is a negative factor. The mother was originally a supportive factor for her, but she expressed opposition and even tried to control the child. The child felt that the mother was on her side, which led to a rebellious mentality.

The child will carry out the mistake to the end because of their parents' reaction, and they will not listen to persuasion or be threatened, even if their decision-making is immature.

3. The parents took the initiative to take responsibility and establish a good relationship.

You don't cry easily, and I can tell you're very strong. You and your husband have also invested a lot in your child, making up for and caring for them, which is not easy. You didn't want to break up with your child. You were just angry and anxious, and you said hurtful things that hurt you and your child.

You were out of control at the time.

It's time to accept that your children have grown up and have their own ideas. They are responsible for their own words and actions. As parents, it's not enough to simply show respect. You must also provide guidance, encourage a positive outlook, put yourself in your child's shoes, support them for their own good, and establish a good relationship as the first step.

4. Find Wang Jinhai's live stream about education. It's the fastest way to learn.

The Ao Parents WeChat public account offers free family education courses, the most economical option. I highly recommend the family education courses, cognitive behavioral science, positive psychology, and humanistic theory. These books and audio recordings will undoubtedly be of benefit to you.

I know you and your child will grow together, meet challenges together, have a happy family, and help your child succeed.

Good morning, Thank you for your question. I am ZQ, a heart exploration coach from the Yixinli platform. From your description, it seems that your daughter is facing a difficult decision: whether to break with her family or follow her ex-boyfriend, who has been in prison. It is understandable that she would prefer to maintain her family ties, given the circumstances. It also seems that her boyfriend has a history of incarceration, which is a cause for concern.

Such behavior could potentially indicate that her boyfriend may have some violent tendencies in his character. Someone with violent tendencies may sometimes choose to solve problems by force, rather than through communication or negotiation.

It is possible that her boyfriend may also have a short temper in the future, given that his character has been shaped by a number of factors over a long period of time. As the saying goes, Rome was not built in a day.

Sometimes, it can take a long time to understand someone's character. It's important to remember that you can't rush things. Your daughter is an adult now, and she has the right to choose who she wants to be with.

Some children don't turn back until they hit a wall. It's possible that she may only recognize the true face of her boyfriend when she falls into a difficult situation.

If you were to stop her now, when you are so sad and upset, it might inadvertently encourage her to go to her boyfriend. Have you ever heard of the "forbidden fruit effect"?

It is often observed that when two people are forbidden from being together by the outside world, it can sometimes make them more attracted to each other and more determined to pursue a relationship. This phenomenon is reminiscent of the story of Romeo and Juliet, where the two young lovers were ultimately driven by their own feelings to defy their families' objections and pursue a relationship.

It might be helpful to explain your point of view gently but firmly, noting that you're not very optimistic about the relationship. At the same time, you can also explain that you will always care about your daughter and hope that he can behave himself and protect himself, for example, when with her boyfriend. It might be beneficial to pay attention to safety and so on, including physical and sexual safety.

Perhaps the best course of action would be to let time pass and see what unfolds. She will gradually get to know her boyfriend better and can then decide if he is someone she wants to trust with her life. It is also worth noting that they have only known each other for a relatively short period of time, just under a year.

It might be challenging to fully ascertain someone's true character in such a short period of time.

Given the recentness of your relationship with her, it's understandable that she might be a bit rebellious. This is a challenging stage. As you navigate your daughter's behavior, it's important to be patient, listen attentively to her needs, and avoid provoking her. If you're experiencing your own struggles, seeking psychological counseling might be beneficial.

In psychology, it is often said that those who suffer change. It is possible that at this time, you have already experienced a great deal of pain, and that there are also certain problems within you that need to be actively resolved. Because we are all independent individuals, it is not always possible to control everything and have things go exactly as we wish.

It would be beneficial to let go of that excessive desire for control, so that you can maintain your physical and mental health and better see how a matter will develop to the end. You may find it helpful to read "You Are Your Child's Best Original Family" and "A Careful Mother Is Better Than a Good Doctor."

Could I ask you a question, ZQ?

A hug for you first! You are feeling a lot of different, sad feelings right now.

As a parent, it can be hard to see your child in a bad relationship. Here are some tips for how to deal with this:

1. Stay in touch: Even if you're having problems with your daughter, keep the lines of communication open. Let her know you're always there to listen.

2. Show your love and care. Even if you are disappointed, let her know you still love her. This love may be her last support.

3. Respect her choices. She is in charge of her own life. Try to respect her choices while expressing your concerns.

4. Get help from a professional counselor or therapist if you need it.

5. Take care of yourself. Stress and anxiety can affect your health.

6. Set boundaries if your daughter's behavior hurts you. This may mean you don't contact her for a while.

7. Reflect and grow: This experience may help you think about your role as a parent and your relationship with your daughter. Think about how you can improve your relationship with her and support her better.

8. Give her time and space. Let her explore and understand her choices on her own.

9. Be patient and hopeful. Things change. Be patient and hopeful.

You are not alone. Get support from family and friends or join a parent support group.

We hope these tips help you move forward.

I totally get it. I know how hard it is to be a mom. You're going through a lot right now, and it's tough. But you're doing great! In response to your questions, I have some suggestions that I think will really help:

Stay calm: You've got this! Staying calm is the key to solving the problem. Don't get too emotional, and you'll be able to make the situation better.

Open and calm communication with your daughter is key! Show her you understand her thoughts and feelings, and express your concerns and love for her.

When communicating, try to remain calm and patient. Instead of accusing or reprimanding her, communicate with her in an understanding and supportive manner. You've got this!

Seek professional help: You can absolutely make your relationship with your daughter better! You can do this by seeking help from a counselor or family therapist. A professional can provide more specific and effective advice to help you and your daughter rebuild trust and understanding.

It's so important to encourage your daughter to seek support! In addition to communicating with you, encourage her to seek support and advice from others, such as her friends, family members, or professionals. This can help her gain more perspectives and suggestions to better deal with the issues she is facing.

Give yourself time: Dealing with issues with your daughter takes time and patience. You've got this! Don't be too hard on yourself or your daughter, and give each other enough time to repair the relationship.

And don't forget to take care of yourself! Pay attention to your physical and mental health so you can be the best possible support for your daughter.

And remember, as a mother, your love for your daughter is selfless. You may not be able to control your daughter's choices, but you can absolutely continue to support and care for her!

?You've got this! ?

Dealing with family and emotional problems is hard. You love your daughter, but you also have to communicate with her. Here are some tips:

1. Talk to your daughter. Try to understand her feelings and needs. Tell her you love her.

Don't use commands or threats. Use "I" language instead, like "I feel worried when..."

2. Respect her choices and support her. Even if you don't agree with her, show her you love and support her no matter what.

3. Help her think about the good and bad in the relationship. Help her decide if it helps her grow and be happy. Remind her to think about her own value and future goals.

4. Give her space to think. Stay in touch and let her know you're always there for her.

5. Family therapy: Consider family therapy to improve relationships and communication. Mention that you were less available to your daughter in the past due to your busy work schedule.

Be patient and hopeful. Change and healing take time.

Even in the worst moments, you can find solutions with love, support, and professional help. Take care of yourself too, because if you are strong, you can better support your daughter.

Hello, question asker! I would like to take a moment to analyze and answer your question from a few different points, in an effort to help clarify any confusion.

First, it seems that from your and her father's perspective, you feel that this boy may not be the ideal match for your daughter, and you are seeking to put a stop to this marriage. However, it is possible that your opposition has inadvertently encouraged your daughter to be determined to pursue this relationship. Children often want to prove to their parents that they are right and have their own independent thoughts, especially for children who may have lacked love from an early age. In such cases, communication between parents and their children may not be linked with love. Therefore, if you must stop her relationship with this boy, it may prove challenging to do so.

Secondly, with regard to the current situation, it may be unwise to prevent their association outright, given that it has already occurred. The reason for preventing their association may be simply because you feel uneasy about the boy's past conduct and are worried about your daughter's happiness. Therefore, the best course of action at this moment may be to refrain from confronting your daughter and to accept her choice while expressing your love for her. Regardless of how she is doing outside, you will unconditionally accept and love her.

It may be helpful to trust your child's own judgment.

Good day, question asker. I can see the confusion you are facing, and I extend my support to you.

Dear Author, It is important to understand that there are three categories of matters: one's own affairs, other people's affairs, and the affairs of heaven.

The aforementioned concept is derived from the book A Change of Heart.

Ultimately, the decision of who your daughter wants to fall in love with is her own.

It would be unwise to prohibit your daughter from socializing with boys, as this may have unintended consequences.

This is akin to the psychology of the "forbidden fruit effect."

Please allow me to define the "forbidden fruit effect."

It is human nature to be critical of the actions of others, even when there is a possibility that they may engage in the same behavior.

Naturally, you may also have concerns about the boy your daughter is dating due to his criminal record.

It is possible that the gentleman in question may treat your daughter in an inappropriate manner or engage in violent behavior towards her.

Your concerns about your daughter are understandable, and I recommend that you schedule a meeting to discuss the matter further.

It is recommended that, when communicating with your daughter, you start sentences with "I" rather than "you."

Additionally, the methods outlined in the Nonviolent Communication book may be useful.

I hope that the issue you are experiencing can be resolved in the near future.

I hope this information is helpful to you.

I hope my above response is helpful and inspiring to you, the questioner. As the answerer, I am committed to providing the best possible assistance.

Best regards, Yixinli Team

Thank you for your inquiry.

Hello!

As I read your question, I saw a sad mother and a headstrong daughter. I also thought of the saying, "All parents love their children." I understand your sadness and disappointment at not being affectionate with your daughter. Hugs to you!

As a mother, you are very qualified. You work hard to solve the family's financial problems and have fulfilled your child's dream of attending a high-cost art university. You have taken your daughter back several times and tried to talk him into it when he proposed to break up. Your efforts as a mother are the ultimate expression of love for your child. I understand you. You wake up in the middle of the night, unable to sleep, thinking about him and cry. It's been a hard time. I hug you again!

We've been through a lot and understand human nature better than children do. But our advice is sometimes ineffective when it comes to children in adolescence. It's like telling a child not to touch something hot. They'll only be afraid after getting burned. It's the same with children in adolescence. They're confused and rebellious. The more you don't let them do something, the more they want to do it. It's like a pit. We've been through it, but we're still powerless.

We can't control everything, but we won't just let things happen. You refused to talk to him for four days after he made a harsh comment. These past four days have been very difficult for you, which is why you came here for help. You're torn apart by a thousand emotions! You're afraid of your child being hurt, but fighting with him won't help. You also said you wanted to lock him up because he was disappointed with you.

What about the future? Let's move on. He said harsh words, but let's calm down. He is our child. If we calm down, what happens next? If you're not ready to contact him, ask his sister to do so and keep an eye on him. If you notice anything wrong, be his rock and let him know home is safe.

If he has a job and a boyfriend, he'll be more confident. He's still young, so let him make mistakes. If he falls in a pit, we'll pull him out. Things have come to this, so let him try. If we relax, we'll communicate less antagonistically. He'll tell you the truth, which will help us understand his life.

As long as we can keep in touch with her and pay attention to everything she does, I think we can help her get through this. It's not so bad. She is old enough to take care of herself. We can't protect her forever. She still has to step into the potholes herself. We just have to live our lives and stay healthy. But once we have a child, we must be the first to step forward and protect our child.

Let's calm down and live well for your child's future happiness.

You can do it! Your child will be happier, and so will you!

Hello, question asker.

From your description, I can sense your inner confusion and helplessness. At the same time, you have a remarkable ability to perceive this uncomfortable emotion and to face it with courage.

From what you've shared, I can only imagine how you must be feeling. As a mother, it's natural to worry about your child, but it's also important to recognize that they may not always understand your intentions, which can sometimes leave you feeling a bit helpless. I'm sending you a warm hug to let you know I'm here for you.

You mentioned that you had very little time for your daughter when you were working, and that you've been trying to make up for it ever since. Now that your daughter has found a boyfriend, it seems like she's not treating him very well, and they argue quite a bit. Your daughter is very sensitive, and you're concerned that she might go back to him after a little coaxing. The boy's circumstances also make you worried. You don't want your daughter to get hurt, and you want her to break up with him. However, your daughter doesn't listen to you and speaks harshly, which makes you feel helpless. Is that right?

As mothers, we can empathize with this situation. However, when it comes to our daughters falling in love, we may not have as much influence as we would like.

It can be challenging when we want our daughter to do something and she seems less likely to do it. In these moments, it's helpful to adjust our state of mind to remain calm and not be influenced by her. This allows us to find ways to help and support our daughter's emotions.

If I may make a suggestion, it would be to consider seeking the support of a professional counselor to help you manage and find relief from your current emotional state.

It would be beneficial for you to try to move out of this negative mood so that you can be more powerful and courageous in supporting your daughter's problems.

Secondly, it would be beneficial for you to learn how to communicate effectively with your daughter. Despite your efforts to speak with him calmly, it seems that this approach was not as effective as you had hoped. It might be helpful to consider some alternative techniques. Could you please share what techniques you think might be useful in this situation?

You might consider using his expectations to help him achieve your goal. At the same time, you could also think in reverse and give more of your companionship and love.

Many people have gone through this period, and they may find it challenging to listen to their parents or accept their parents' love. As parents, we can do our best to accompany our children, listen to them, and empathize with them. This can help them feel the warmth of our love and support, and give them the confidence to approach us with their problems when they arise.

I believe this is a more important consideration.

If I might make one more observation, there are three kinds of affairs in life: your own, other people's, and the affairs of the heavens. The fact that my daughter is in love is her own business. We cannot change her, because we cannot change other people. What we can do is influence others by adjusting ourselves. So it is more important to adjust yourself.

It would be beneficial for you to take care of yourself. Once you have learned to take care of yourself, you will be better equipped to take care of your daughter.

Hello, question asker! I can see from your post that you're feeling pretty anxious.

It's totally normal for parents to feel anxious when their daughter falls in love with someone who has been to prison. It's also normal for parents to feel like their persuasion is useless and their intervention as a father is resisted by their daughter. It seems like you've tried every method you can think of, and they've all been ineffective. It's understandable that you've cried several times, even though you don't easily shed tears, because you feel so helpless and restless.

And anxiety.

From what you've told me, I can see some reflections of your relationship with your daughter. It's possible that the pattern of your relationship with her has influenced her attitude towards your opinions.

First, in terms of the relationship, you spent less time with your daughter when she was young, and it seems that this has made you feel a deep sense of guilt towards her. You want to compensate for this, but I'm not sure if this will make you lack the strength to get along with her, and easily put yourself in the position of atoning for your sins. This may make your daughter become willful, because your attitude will make her feel that you owe her. It's so hard when we feel guilty about things we've done or not done in the past, isn't it? I'm here to help if you need it.

Second, and perhaps more importantly, it seems that the way you and your daughter get along, including the way Dad does, is a bit one-sided and authoritarian. For example, you advised your daughter not to associate with someone who had been in prison. Your motives and thoughts were good, but this was a one-way communication – you conveyed your thoughts to your daughter without first asking her about her feelings and thoughts. For example, you could have asked her, "You like this person so much, what are his good points, what good feelings do you have with him, and what needs can he meet for you? On the premise that he can meet these needs for you, how do you consider the fact that he has been in prison?"

"What's wrong with getting together after a long time?" etc.

It can be tough when our kids don't express their opinions. It makes it harder to have real communication. We might try to persuade them, but they want to stick to their own opinion, which can lead to a power struggle.

This power struggle is very common in parent-child relationships and is the main reason why parents and children are prone to confrontational relationships. In psychology, it is called authoritarian parenting and lacks democracy.

This kind of parenting can also lead to some tough conversations about other things, like chores, rest and sleep, spending habits, and young parents' attitudes towards their children doing their homework. It's totally normal for parents and kids to have different ideas about these things. But, over time, it can be really hard to communicate, negotiate, or provide effective help to each other. The good news is that there's a way to solve this problem! It's all about changing the way you spend time with your child, from authoritarian to democratic. This will help you and your daughter start expressing your opinions and needs, and start discussing how to solve problems together.

When making decisions, it's so important to consider your daughter's needs as well as your own experience. Sometimes, decisions can only be made between two extremes, such as whether your daughter and her boyfriend should break up or stay together.

It's important to remember that one person's opinion can't always be taken into account all the time. The goal of communication is to achieve understanding, not necessarily a unified opinion.

Communication patterns are also known as survival patterns by family therapy psychologist Satir. They're related to our personalities, which can make them tricky to change. But don't worry! You can read "Nonviolent Communication" or find a counselor to help you. If your daughter doesn't seek counseling, you should go first. You'll be doing your daughter a big favor if you improve your relationship with her.

Finally, if your daughter falls in love, it doesn't necessarily mean that it will develop into marriage. As some teachers have said, even if your daughter doesn't resist dating this person, she may not want to be with them after a long time together because she sees their flaws. So you can relax a bit, too, and don't worry too much!

I wish you a happy new year!

Dear questioner, I empathize with your current state. As a mother, I have a deep love for my child. I will support you.

Your daughter is going to a different place, which is upsetting for you as a parent. You have doubts about working with a man with a criminal record and not getting along well with him. I understand your current predicament. You have also given a lot to your child, supporting her through high school and university and always fulfilling her wishes.

She hates her father, and now you are also strongly against it. The child is also bearing a lot. You must understand that. The child is perfectly capable of distinguishing between right and wrong. During your illness, the child was also reassuring you. You must feel the love for you.

Parents must also understand why their child wants to go abroad. Is there a positive atmosphere at home? Will the child be rejected? How strong is the emotional connection?

It's tough to find a job these days, and children also need a sense of worth. This man can give her a sense of worth, and being an anchor can satisfy the child's needs. You need to communicate with your child without judgment and give an analysis of the pros and cons.

You love your child deeply, but what does your child feel? Your opposition may make your child resent you even more and accelerate his or her connection with the man. This is the reality. The man has a criminal record, and you are worried about your child. You want your child to protect himself or herself and give him or her support. This is what your child wants.

Your child is not stupid. She just needs to feel valued and recognized. Give her that, Mom. Men do have a track record, but the key is to solve problems. He's doing e-commerce and live streaming, so he's motivated. There's something to be recognized and communicated to your child.

Children need to face problems together, share the burden, and analyze the pros and cons. They are under a lot of pressure, just like you. Your fears can turn into strength, and you can support your child.

I am confident that you will succeed.

Hello! I'm a heart coach. Life is an amazing journey, and it's all about blossoming!

I totally get it! Your daughter has rebelled and "run away" with her boyfriend. You love her so much, but now she has abandoned you without regard for your feelings or safety. Let's hug each other across the distance and figure out what happened and what to do about it!

1. Let's dive into the fascinating world of your daughter's behavior and uncover the hidden motives behind it!

The boyfriend's situation is pretty amazing. He's an e-commerce entrepreneur, and he invited his daughter to be an anchor! He actively pursued her, too.

Daughter's attitude: Despite her boyfriend's history of fighting in a crowd, she was totally cool with it. They had tons of conflicts and broke up a bunch of times, but she was still all in!

As someone who has been there, I'd love to hear your thoughts on what motivates your daughter's behavior and what emotional needs she's trying to obtain!

She feels valued and noticed, and the love she receives makes her feel as if she is being held in the palm of your hand. She is unable to see the shortcomings and inadequacies in her boyfriend, and even the "good" and temporary "happiness" in front of her has shielded her from the difficulties that may lie ahead and the differences between the two of you—but that just means there's room for growth and discovery!

She absolutely loves being loved, being pampered, and being cuddled. And she really wants to feel accompanied. As you said, when she was young, you were busy working to earn money and rarely spent time with her, which made her crave love and attention even more.

When looking for a partner, you are actually looking for your "ideal parent," someone who can love and accept you unconditionally. My boyfriend has many faults, but when it comes to my daughter, he is absolutely perfect! He meets all her emotional needs.

?2. There's a way you can make amends with your daughter!

Once you understand the emotional needs behind your daughter's actions (abandoning her parents' choice to go far away with her boyfriend) (a desire for love, care, and companionship), you can find a corresponding way to make amends—and it'll be amazing!

First of all, you must have enough respect and trust for your daughter. If you lock her up but can't control her heart, it will make her even more rebellious. This is your chance to show her that you understand her and want what's best for her!

This is the biggest and most exciting "misunderstanding" between children and parents! Parents love and protect their children in their own way, and they're eager to gain the children's understanding and approval. Parents are ready to let go of the freedom and independence that their children want, and they're excited to see what the future holds!

What we need here is an equal exchange of communication!

Use your emotions and reason to show your child how much you love her! At the same time, you can use your understanding to see her true thoughts and feelings. For example, you can invite the boy to your home to get to know each other and communicate!

Let your daughter see that you respect and trust her. You're not against her pursuing her own happiness and following her heart, but you're there to guide her and make sure she's making the right choices. You're not against her seeking love, but you're there to make sure she's doing it in the right way.

Finally, don't be angry with your child. Stay in touch with her, ask how she is doing, and let her share more of her daily life with you. That way, you'll know she is safe every day!

It's time to let the two children come home! This is an amazing opportunity to examine their emotional state without any prejudice or judgment. And at the same time, you get to take care of yourself and be the strongest support for your children!

I'm sure this will help the child mature and grow up quickly!

I really hope this helps! The world and I love you!

I'd love to continue the conversation! You can follow my personal homepage, "Heart Exploration Service," to stay in touch.

Hello, question asker! My name is Evan, and I'm a counselor in the fine-tuning school.

From the questioner's description, we can see the incredible care and love that the questioner, as a mother, has for her daughter, as well as the deep pain and worry that the questioner feels for her daughter.

From what the questioner has shared, it seems like their daughter is in the late stages of adolescence. This is an exciting time! Individuals at this stage have experienced the transition from adolescence to adulthood and are beginning to seek self-identity and independence.

They may experience some challenges and plenty of exciting opportunities in career choices, establishing intimate relationships, and living independently.

The author's daughter may also be facing the pursuit of independence, identification with others, or self-identification. This is an exciting time of growth and discovery! The author's daughter's relationship with a boy with a bad track record and her sense of alienation from her family may be partly due to the early years of her original family. Just like a cycle, in her early years, the author chose to stay away from her family because of work, and now her growing daughter is also just like the author's choice in her early years, staying away from her family for work. This is an opportunity for her to learn and grow!

Since the question was asked on the platform, we unfortunately can't go into much detail about the questioner's problem. But don't worry! We can still give you some simple pointers on this issue:

Open communication is the way to go! It's important to remember that effective communication with your daughter is still crucial, even if you've tried many times before. When you're feeling emotionally stable, try talking to her in an open and non-judgmental manner to understand the deeper reasons why she insists on this relationship.

The good news is that you can find an appropriate time to have an in-depth communication with your daughter. All you have to do is try to remain calm and rational, and avoid accusations and emotional outbursts.

Listen to her thoughts and feelings, and really try to understand her views on the relationship. You'll be amazed at how much you can learn from her!

Show your concern! When communicating with your daughter, don't express your disapproval in an aggressive way. Don't speak to her in an authoritative tone, and don't use your position as her mother to blackmail her. Tell your daughter that you care about and love her, and explain why you disapprove of her going out with this boy.

Be sure to express your concerns clearly, including any concerns you may have about the boy's background and behavior, as well as any concerns you may have about your daughter's future. If you really want your daughter to feel your concern, be sure to express your concern and worry, not your opposition. This will help you both stay open to each other's perspectives and find solutions together!

You can provide your daughter with all the support she needs! This could include career planning and psychological counseling. Since your daughter has made a choice, you can help her realize her own value and choice. You can help her see what difficulties she will face on this path, the blind spots she may not see, and the better future she can have.

At the same time, you should also respect her decision and let her make her own choice!

It's so important for the questioner to establish trust with her daughter. She should try to be as consistent as possible in her words and actions so that her daughter knows she's got her back and understands her.

At the same time, you should also respect her privacy and personal space and not interfere too much in her life. The questioner has already made it clear that she is opposed to this relationship, but her daughter still chooses to persist.

Then it's time to set some clear boundaries! For example, you might decide to stop supporting her financially to live with that boy. But don't stop there! Be sure to clearly express your willingness to support her personal growth and well-being at all times.

If the questioner's daughter still doesn't listen to persuasion and the effect of the questioner directly talking to her is relatively small, there's no need to worry! The questioner can simply consider using outside help, such as relatives, friends, or teachers. It would be a great idea for the questioner to find a friend the daughter trusts to persuade and guide her together.

However, it's important to remember that excessive interference and pressure will only backfire.

Self-reflection: As a parent, the questioner also has the exciting opportunity to reflect on whether there has been a lack of companionship and education for her daughter in the past. At the same time, she should also recognize that her daughter has already reached adulthood and has her own thoughts and choices, which is a wonderful thing!

Embrace her growth and choices with an open and tolerant mind. The author's opposition may seem to her daughter as a distrustful point of view or a kind of rejection, so it's important to pay attention to the boundaries between herself and her daughter and not interfere too much. As the saying goes, we can only be a passing parent, not a perfect one. It is difficult for parents to influence their grown children, but it's an exciting journey to watch them grow and find their own path in the world!

Self-care is a must! While you're caring for your daughter, don't forget to take care of yourself. The psychological and physical pain you mentioned needs attention, so make sure you give yourself the care you deserve!

Seeking psychological counseling or joining a support group to talk with other parents is a great way for the author to deal with her emotions. In addition to professional help, the author can also seek support from family and friends.

It's time to talk! Chat with a family member or friend you trust about your concerns. They may be able to offer a different perspective or advice.

Be patient with your child! Change takes time, and your child will get there. Be patient, and give your daughter the space she needs to think and experience.

You've got this! Stay calm, patient, and committed to your daughter's care and support. I'm confident that with time and your efforts, your daughter will realize her own value, future, and make wiser choices.

Every family is different, so these suggestions can be tailored to fit your specific circumstances. If you need help with something serious or if there's a safety issue, don't hesitate to get professional support right away!

I'm optimistic that both the author and the author's daughter will find a way to solve the problem and ultimately move towards reconciliation and happiness!

I really hope my answer can help the questioner!