My family treats me well, but is it not as good as compared to my sister? I'm not sure whether I should distance myself from the internal consumption.

Dear questioner, I give you a warm hug and I'm so excited to support you with my reply!

You can still remember clearly the good things your parents did for you when you were a child. A grateful child will never lack luck! What happened in college was heart-wrenching for everyone to watch. You had to face the fact that you had to shoulder a lot of things on your own, but you were still a child, and you must have suffered a lot in the face of your studies and life. But you made it through!

After you started working, your younger sister got sick, and you were busy taking care of her. You couldn't get any attention from your parents, but you were happy to take on family responsibilities. You were torn between hope and disappointment, but you chose to distance yourself from your parents. You're a kind person, and you deserve to release some of that pressure!

You are very considerate of your parents. If you didn't have a younger sister, you could enjoy the benefits! You love your parents so much that you also shoulder the responsibility of the family. You care for your parents and mother in every aspect of your life. Your younger sister has always enjoyed the care of others. You feel that your parents are biased, but you know they love you!

Financial constraints, spiritual neglect, and an imbalance in the amount of effort put in. How have you managed to get through the long days? The arrival of your younger sister has indeed had a big impact on you. Your parents will protect the weak, thinking that you can take care of yourself, and will even keep asking for more. You are the older one, so you should give your younger sister what she needs.

Parents don't realize that in their eyes, no matter how old you are, you are still a child who needs their company and support. They will compensate for their lack of attention to you by giving it to your younger sister, to ease their guilt. They have not dealt with you in the present, but in the past. Do you agree?

Having a younger sister has put a lot of financial pressure on you, and it has affected you too. But it doesn't matter! If you can communicate effectively, you can reduce the damage. Your parents treat you like an adult and ignore you. You can also express your anger. Now that you can express it, I applaud you!

Parents don't express the hardships of raising children, financially or mentally. Fortunately, you have taken on the burden, otherwise your parents would suffer even more. You are the same as your parents in that you swallow your suffering. You have replicated your parents' suffering. But you can be different from your parents and live your life to the fullest!

Your parents have always tried to draw you closer to them, and they must be hoping so much that you are by their side, citing the need to take care of your younger sister. You feel uncomfortable, and you are now facing the problem head-on. You have always loved your parents deeply, and now you get to show them!

Parents love their children and love you in their own way, and they're trying to express it! Their love for their younger sister is a way of making up for the loss they feel towards you. This is a change. For you, what you feel is hurt. Do you agree that a lot of it also comes from not connecting, either running away or avoiding?

Your parents will absolutely adore you for your kindness and understanding! Loving your parents means living your life to the fullest. They want you to be happy, and they'll support you in making choices that make you happy!

Love is always there, in places that cannot be seen! You and your parents love each other deeply!

Wishing you all the best!

I have two children of the same sex and I don't want to be partial.

My actual situation is similar to yours. I am more indulgent with the younger child and less strict with him.

My reflections: 1. It is evident that parents of children of different ages are not raising them in the same way. For instance, if there is a 10-year age gap between children, it is a 25-year-old mother vs. a 1-year-old child, and a 35-year-old mother vs. a 1-year-old second child. It is clear that a 35-year-old person will react differently than their 25-year-old self. This is a straightforward concept. 2. Based on my experience of raising the older child, I have corrected my own parenting style. If you do the same thing a second time and there is no improvement at all compared to the first time, it is reasonable to conclude that such a person is not promising.

As a parent, you become more and more proficient at your job with each passing day. You become more and more at ease with it, and more and more confident in it. However, the older child cannot "enjoy" the benefits of progress because the matters they face are always the first time the parents have encountered them. It is as if they have learned to be a parent of a five-year-old, but the older child is already seven years old. This is really unavoidable. Because there are two children of different ages in the family, the older child will seem exceptionally old, and the younger child exceptionally young. It is natural to place excessively high demands on the older child that exceed their age, while giving the younger child excessive care that is below their age.

Let's compare the "gains" of the two children. I don't know what the situation is like in the original poster's family, but in my family, the seemingly "disadvantaged" older child actually received far more energy and financial support from his parents than the younger child's parents did. This is because energy is not just about asking after their health and well-being. It is only a small part of the equation. Parents spend more energy learning how to observe and understand children, planning for their development, adjusting the family's affairs to meet their needs, and so on. These things are very energy-intensive, but they are "intangible" to the child. If a child has a smooth journey, they may think it is because they are talented and hardworking. However, they will not be able to appreciate that someone is guiding them along the way and filling in the gaps (because there is no control group to compare them to). In my opinion, raising an older child is like training an heir, while raising a younger child is a bit like raising a pet.

I've shared this with you to offer a different perspective. You get to decide how you interact with your family members.

Thank you for the inquiry.

The subject demonstrates an understanding of the feelings of neglect experienced by children and a longing for the love and attention typically expected from parents. This longing is particularly strong when the subject compares themselves to a younger sibling, leading to feelings of imbalance and unfairness. The subject's perception is that their parents are capable of loving them, but that they are not receiving that love. This inner imbalance is a source of disappointment and sadness. The subject's desire to avoid the internal conflict by staying away from home is understandable, but it is not a solution that is ultimately satisfying.

What is the recommended course of action? Let us examine this together.

What is the nature of the internal conflict?

It is not uncommon to experience a sense of imbalance. However, the underlying cause of distress is an internal conflict. Internal conflict is an intrinsic aspect of the human experience.

Although one can comprehend the rationale behind the disparate treatment meted out by one's parents to oneself and one's younger sibling, there are several factors that contribute to this discrepancy. Firstly, parents inevitably adopt different approaches to child-rearing at varying stages of their lives. Secondly, siblings often exhibit contrasting personalities and attitudes, particularly in relation to their parents. For instance, when one's mother experiences a fall, one might empathize with her, whereas one's younger sibling might simply laugh at the incident.

However, emotionally, it is difficult to accept that your parents love your younger sister more than you. You experience feelings of jealousy regarding your sister's favorable treatment by her parents. You are more sensible than your sister, take care of the family, and care about your mother. Nevertheless, you question why your mother is so partial. You are very unhappy and resentful towards your mother.

In conclusion, the internal conflict can be defined as the conflict between the rational understanding of the parents and the emotional rejection of them.

[Your psychological defense mechanism]

One might be reluctant to acknowledge feelings of jealousy towards one's younger sister, as such emotions are often perceived as unfavourable and contrary to the virtues of sensibility. Consequently, individuals may resort to the psychological defence mechanism of rationalisation, which serves to disassociate feelings of jealousy from their underlying sense of resentment. This enables the venting of negative emotions through the blame attribution to one's parents, perceived as unfair. This process allows for the avoidance of internal conflict, which is often perceived as painful. In comparison, the act of resenting one's parents and maintaining distance from the family may be perceived as a more straightforward solution.

[Your authentic aspirations]

The expectation of love from one's parents, however, is in direct opposition to the act of leaving the family, resulting in a state of internal conflict and emotional distress. The question, therefore, arises as to the most appropriate course of action in such a situation.

Satir's family therapy model employs a "consistent internal and external communication model," which may be a beneficial approach to consider. In a family where there is consistent internal and external communication, even negative emotions such as sadness, anger, dissatisfaction, and even accusations can be openly discussed with the other person. While this may initially be uncomfortable for the other person, it can positively influence their perspective and facilitate gradual acceptance and change.

Firstly, it is important to acknowledge that parental partiality is a phenomenon that is grounded in objective reality.

Secondly, it is possible to address one's own emotional needs. For instance, it may be beneficial to express one's feelings and needs to one's mother. To illustrate, if there is only one remaining and one's mother suggests giving it to one's younger sister, it may be constructive to respond by stating, "Mom, you are so biased," while picking it up and eating it. It is not necessary to prioritize maintaining an image of "understanding" to gain one's mother's "favor and love."

Ultimately, it may be necessary to examine one's own concept of love, including the care one provides to one's mother. This care is often given in exchange for a loving response from the mother. If one lacks love for oneself, it is challenging to give love to others. Therefore, it is essential to learn to love oneself before one can love others as oneself.

It is my sincere hope that these suggestions will prove beneficial.

I am Potato Maling, who has been raised alongside you. I extend my gratitude for your attention.

Hello, I'm Xintan Coach Fei Yun. Life is a beautiful journey, and it's so important to embrace it fully and let it blossom.

It's totally understandable that you feel hurt by your parents' attitudes towards you and your sister. You've picked up on this through lots of little details in your life. Now, you've decided to give your family a bit of space, which is a great idea! But, you might be feeling a bit stuck. It's natural to have conflicting feelings when you make big changes like this. You might be wondering: is this the right thing to do?

1. Your parents love you both equally, and that's a wonderful thing!

You and your younger sister are lucky to have the love and protection of your parents. It's only natural that you'll sometimes feel a bit left out when you're young, especially when it comes to comparisons. Many parents let their older children give way to their younger siblings, which can sometimes make the older children feel a bit left out. It's important to remember that you're not in the wrong, and that you'll always be the older child. It's not fair to your younger sibling to let them win all the time, but it's also not fair to you to feel like you have to let them win all the time, too.

This has also brought great challenges to parents, who need to be wise parents who know how to interact with their children so that healthy sibling competition can develop without affecting the relationship between the siblings.

It's so sad when kids feel like their parents don't love them. It's often because of something their parents did without meaning to. Kids can be so sensitive! They might say things like, "My parents don't love me anymore. I must have done something wrong to make them angry. They prefer my younger siblings. They really don't love me anymore."

2. Your upbringing has blessed you with highly sensitive traits.

"High sensitivity is a gift." It's so lovely to see how you express your higher requirements and standards for your emotional needs through writing.

You captured so many details of your life, your interactions with your parents, and their attitudes towards you and your younger sister.

These are things that happened a long time ago, and they're really no big deal. Your mom, dad, and your sister probably don't even remember them, or maybe they just didn't realize they happened.

But for you, it's like a "big deal" that you just can't let go of or forget. Your sensitivity just means that you need others to understand, pay attention to, accept, and agree with you even more, and that's okay!

Because happiness is first and foremost a feeling, and when we understand our emotions and meet our feelings, we naturally feel love.

3. It's time to learn to express yourself directly!

You doubt yourself, and this causes internal conflict. My dear, it's not your fault. The book "Psychological Nutrition" mentions "natural temperament." Some people are naturally optimistic, while others are as melancholy as Lin Daiyu.

You can even find out which type of temperament you were born with! This can be used as a reference in all kinds of relationships, from your friends and family to your career and even your intimate relationships.

Your home and family will always be your safe haven, but they don't know your inner world, nor do they know how to interact with you in a way that you need and accept.

I can see you're going through a lot. It seems like you're torn between wanting to escape the hurt caused by their different treatment of you and your sister, and longing for more love and attention from them. I can imagine how hard it must have been to work away from home alone. I'm sure you must have felt really homesick at times. And when loneliness hits, I know you've been asking yourself if this choice was right or wrong.

It's been more than ten decades, and it's time to let go. Why not take this opportunity to express yourself to your parents and younger sister?

For example, you could write them a letter, send a video, or even a WeChat voice message. Whatever format you like! Just say the things that have been on your mind for years.

I know it can be scary to express your true feelings, but I promise you'll be surprised by the response. You'll realize that everything you've been worrying about was just in your head! And the best part is that it'll bring you closer to your loved ones. If you do it, remember to share it with me ?

I really hope this is helpful for you, and for the world! And I love you!

If you'd like to keep in touch, you're more than welcome to follow my personal homepage, "Heart Exploration Service."

Hello! I'm Bai Li Yina, and I hope my reply can bring you some warmth and help.

The questioner shared that when she was young, she felt that her parents still loved her very much. As she grew older, however, this love became less and less, and her parents became stricter and stricter with her. But they were very tolerant and loving towards her younger sister. This made her feel that she was being treated unfairly, and it was painful. She resented her parents and was very disappointed with them. So she chose to distance herself from them, but she also felt full of guilt about her choice. She didn't want to get caught up in this internal conflict anymore, so what should she do?

Let's take a moment to analyze the situation.

It's so hard when you're young and you're enjoying your parents' love, and then as you grow up, you start to feel like you're getting less of it. It's natural to feel like you're not being treated fairly. You've given so much to your parents, and they always pay attention to your younger sister. They don't see all the hard work you've done and how much you want their love and attention, just like your younger sister. I can see that you're hurting inside, and you've even chosen to distance yourself from them to escape this pain. Here, I give you a warm hug.

You take care of yourself when you are sick, you take care of your younger sister when she is sick, and you buy gifts for your mother. All of these things show that you are trying hard to be a good daughter and sister, and we can see how much you care! So what is causing us to be consumed by internal conflict?

1. I'm too scared to tell my parents that I still need their love and attention. I'm worried they'll reject or rebuke me.

2. My younger sister is still young, and there doesn't seem to be any reason for me to argue with her. At the same time, I do wish she got more attention from my parents!

3. I just can't seem to find a reason to feel balanced, and I'm really struggling to understand why my parents are so partial.

4. Even though I've chosen to distance myself, I still can't completely let go of my concern for my family. I always feel like I'm doing the wrong thing, but I'm trying!

[Thought-provoking idea]

1. Do you think your attitude towards your parents has changed since you were a child?

2. I'm sure you'd agree that it's not fair for your parents to adore you and ignore your younger sister. When you were little and enjoying your parents' attention, how did your younger sister feel?

It's totally normal to feel like your parents only like your sister and not you.

3. When you're away from your parents and sister, do you feel happy?

I'd love to suggest a few methods you could try.

1. It would be really helpful to find out through communication the real reason for your parents' change. Is it to make you grow up and become independent as soon as possible? Or is it because they have limited abilities and energy and can only take care of the younger child?

It's not that your parents don't care about you, sweetie. It's just that they feel you need a little extra motivation to grow up. Look at it this way: your younger sister is also relying on you when she's sick, and it seems like you've become the parents' support.

2. Find your true inner desires and give yourself some space from your parents and family. If this makes you happy and stops you feeling drained, then you're doing the right thing. If you still feel pain and unhappiness, then distancing yourself is not really working for you. There are still a lot of relationships with your parents and worries about your younger sister in your heart. Distancing yourself will only make things more difficult for you and prevent you from doing things that you could easily do.

3. Care for and love yourself. When you're full of love for yourself, you'll find you don't worry about who your parents love more. You'll have lots of energy left over to show your parents how much you love and care for them. You love your parents and you also love your younger sister. We all want the same thing. When your younger sister was little, you could understand even better why she is now getting more love. When you were little, your parents also treated you in the same way. The only thing that has changed is that you've grown up, but the way your parents express their love has not changed. You can continue to love yourself in the way you like.

I really hope these methods can help you!

I know change can be tough, but it'll all be worth it in the end! Don't worry or be afraid. Many people are experiencing or have experienced similar problems, so you're not alone.

The world and I are with you, my friend. You are not alone. I wish you an early solution to the fog in your heart and find your own most comfortable state.

I just wanted to say a big thank you to everyone who has liked and commented on my posts. I wish you all peace and joy!

Hello! I really hope my answer can help you in some way.

As an older sister, and one who lives far away from home, I can fully understand how you feel. We long for our parents' attention and love, and we worry that they don't like us as much as they like our younger sister. We may have deeper doubts: Is it because I'm not good enough that my parents don't care about me as much as they used to? Is it because I'm worthless that my parents are becoming increasingly indifferent to me? But guess what? You're not worthless! And your parents still love you, even if they don't show it as much as they used to.

Parents are just ordinary people, and they have limited energy. This makes it hard for them to take care of everything, but it also means they have to prioritize. Generally speaking, parents feel that when the older child reaches the age of independence, they need to let her take on more responsibilities and gradually become independent. This is a great thing! It means that parents trust their children to take care of themselves. But the younger child hasn't reached the age of independence yet, so parents don't feel comfortable letting her go. This is also a good thing! It means that parents are there for their children and want to give them the support they need. So, they will take care of the younger child more, which may not be partiality, but just an illusion caused by various factors. You long for more attention and love from your parents, and they love you! They just have a lot on their plates. In fact, it's not that they don't want to give you as much as you want, but they also have their limitations. If we can adjust our expectations of our parents, learn to be truly independent, and learn to give ourselves enough attention and love, we can maintain a more comfortable distance and relationship with our parents, and we will also be happier!

I've got some great advice for you!

From another perspective, you may understand why parents may treat you differently — and it's a great thing to understand!

I am the older sister. My mother gave birth to my younger brother when I was just over a year old. They always said that they treated us the same, but in fact, from their actions, my younger brother felt that they liked me more, while I didn't feel that they liked me more. I think they love us equally, but I'm also excited to see that they like my younger brother more! I will automatically think that if they like my younger brother more, it means that I am not good enough, that I am not that valuable, and I will have self-doubts. This problem has always bothered me, but I'm excited to see what I can do to change it!

It wasn't until I became a mother myself that I had this incredible realization: parents will love all their children! Of course, children born at different stages will receive different levels of attention due to factors such as their financial situation, energy, time, etc. And there will also be very obvious differences in attitude towards older and younger children.

For example, my son is five years younger than my husband's brother's son. Before the younger nephew was born, my son was always praised by the extended family and was the center of attention. After the younger nephew was born, however, his grandparents praised him less, because they felt that he was old enough to eat without encouragement. So when the younger nephew ate, they would say, "You're the best!" My son would feel sad and angry, because he felt that this meant he wasn't the best. However, from the grandparents' perspective, my son didn't need this kind of encouragement, because he could eat well without it. But the younger nephew needed this kind of encouragement, and they even hoped that my son could join them in giving encouragement to the younger nephew and praising him. But my son couldn't do it, because deep down, he should be the one being praised, not his younger brother...

Therefore, from a different perspective, we will understand why your parents may treat you differently. Perhaps, in their eyes, this is normal, but they don't realize that there is a gap between them and us. The good news is that you can bridge that gap! You can have a good communication with them to express your true feelings and needs, as well as your specific expectations, so that they can see your true demands.

2. Take a look at your and your sister's growth experiences. You'll be amazed at what you discover! You'll see your unfinished events, identify the issues in your growth, and find the direction of growth.

Siblings do unconsciously compare themselves with each other, especially if the younger sibling was born only one and a half to two years after you. This is because at that time you were in the Oedipus period and unconsciously competed with each other in the relationship, worrying that she would take your love away. But this is a great opportunity for parents to show their love for both of you! They generally do pay more attention to her, not because she deserves more love, but because she is too young and you have grown up a bit and can do many things well on your own. When you were very young, parents also treated you and took care of you in this way, right?

However, this kind of upbringing experience will make you doubt whether you are worthy of love. So, this is your growth topic! You can look at it and see what you lack within yourself. How do you long for your parents to treat you? What do you think they would do to truly love you? Do you think they can do it?

If they can do it, you can too! Try expressing it directly and sincerely to them. If that's not for you, become your own inner parent and give yourself the love and care you deserve!

3. Adjust your expectations of your parents, learn to be your own inner parent, love yourself well, and in fact, you can also be the more proactive party in your relationship with your parents—it's a great feeling!

It's true that changing our parents can be challenging. After all, they've shaped who they are based on a combination of factors like their genetics, upbringing, education, and cultural background. It's not that they're unwilling to give us things, but that they simply don't have the capacity to do so. We desire certain things, but they're beyond their ability to provide. This can lead to a frustrating cycle. But, there's hope! We can break this cycle by seeking out people who can offer these things and learning to ask our inner selves for what we need.

Yes, we are so fortunate to have everything inside! The amazing part inside us that can give ourselves any care, love, and strength is called our "inner parent." You treat yourself the way you expect your parents to treat you. When you learn to be your own inner parent and give yourself enough love, warmth, care, and strength, you will find that you can even give your parents some care and attention! You can become the more active party in the relationship, instead of the dependent and demanding party.

I used to crave my parents' approval like crazy. But then I became my own inner parent and gave myself the love and recognition I needed. I realized that my parents were also lacking in this area and needed my approval. When I give them some love and recognition, it helps our relationship grow in a really positive way!

I hope this is helpful for you! Wishing you all the best!

I can discern the questioner's inner feelings of grievance, confusion, incomprehension, and discomfort. It is evident that they are both their parents' children, yet they are treated quite differently. Even a cursory consideration of the situation evokes feelings of unfair treatment and parental bias. It is therefore unsurprising that the questioner is troubled.

For the questioner, becoming a parent for the first time brings a range of emotions, including joy and sadness. For the questioner's parents, the experience of becoming a first-time parent is likely to evoke a similar mix of emotions, including excitement and apprehension. Without any prior experience in this role, they may feel uncertain about their ability to perform their duties as parents and provide adequate care for the child.

All of this, whether tangible or intangible, will affect the parents' mood and the way they treat the questioner. The only recourse is to learn and practice the knowledge they have learned, while exploring and summarizing their experiences, gradually enhancing their abilities.

As a result, the attitude of the parents towards the questioner may be somewhat inconsistent. Some actions or behaviours may elicit a positive response, while others may evoke a negative reaction. This is not only a reflection of their ability and mentality at the time, but also their needs. It is important to note that this dynamic is not a reflection of any personal dislike towards the questioner. Rather, it is a matter of the parents making decisions based on their perception of what is best for both the questioner and themselves.

After experiencing the challenges and rewards of parenting, they have gained valuable insights and expertise. Compared to their first child, they will be more confident and relaxed when raising their second child. Their mindset and abilities have also evolved, influencing their approach to parenting.

This is also an indication of their capacity for mental resilience, as well as a means of fulfilling their own requirements.

Previously, the questioner was unable to comprehend the reasons behind their parents' behavior due to a lack of understanding. Now, after reviewing this information, it is unclear whether the questioner can grasp the situation. If they still cannot comprehend, they can temporarily maintain a certain distance from their parents to avoid being significantly influenced by them.

If you understand, you will be able to accept that your parents are just like that. They love every child of theirs, but they just express their love in different ways in front of different children. Some problems may exist that they themselves are not aware of. The above personal views are for the questioner's reference only.

Greetings, question asker. I am Jiang 61.

I am gratified that I was able to respond to your inquiry. You inquired as to whether your family treats you as well as your younger sister.

Internal conflict: I am uncertain as to whether I should maintain my distance. I have meticulously perused your introductory remarks, grasped the nuances of your sentiments, confronted the intricacies of your predicament, and am eager to engage in discourse with you on these matters.

1. Introduction

1. During my formative years

You stated that during your youth, there were positive aspects to your upbringing, such as the autonomy afforded to you in purchasing the books you desired. Additionally, your mother engaged in activities with you, including playing outside, and intervened on your behalf when you were subjected to bullying. You also shared that your family often consumed snacks together, a practice that fostered a sense of camaraderie. Furthermore, you mentioned that your father would purchase snacks and share them with you and your sister.

"My father is somewhat harsh in his reprimands, particularly when I have inadvertently damaged a writing implement. My mother also enforces certain sartorial choices and encourages me to consume foods that I do not particularly enjoy.

On occasion, I desire to consume boiled noodles. However, my mother instructs me to procure them independently. I express my displeasure and request assistance, yet she admonishes me. Subsequently, she also declines to purchase the food I desire.

She consistently emphasized the importance of saving and avoiding impulsive spending. I did not expend the monetary gift I received for the New Year's holiday and instead returned it in its entirety.

Furthermore, the funds allocated for personal expenses during my secondary education were also remitted.

The question of equal treatment is a significant one.

In your recollection, your mother treated you and your sister with parity during your formative years. Your father, for his part, would procure an equal portion of groceries for each of you.

My mother is consistently available to provide assistance when I require it, and she fulfills my requests to meet my needs. These actions are perceived as beneficial by me.

The phenomenon of blame and coercion

Furthermore, one can discern when they are being treated in an unkind manner. The father frequently reprimands the subject for inconsequential infractions, while the mother often compels the subject to perform tasks they find disagreeable.

Furthermore, she is reluctant to provide assistance and instead encourages thriftiness.

2. Upon reaching adulthood

You stated, "Upon reaching adulthood, my mother ceased treating me in the manner she had previously. On the first day of my college enrollment, she did not take me to dinner, and subsequently, when we visited the supermarket, she purchased only one loaf of bread and inquired if I wished to consume it. I informed her that I would retain it, citing my lack of familiarity with the campus and the potential inconvenience of purchasing food. Consequently, she attributed my lack of sustenance to my own actions."

"We ventured out together to attend to a matter, and I observed what I believed to be a step. How could my mother have failed to perceive it? At that time, she was experiencing a depressive episode and was not particularly communicative, so when she fell, she attributed it to me. The year before last, my mother and my younger sister went out, and my mother stumbled slightly. My immediate response was to inquire about her well-being.

My younger sister simply continued to laugh. Nevertheless, my mother was able to identify some fault in my actions.

I seldom commended the items I purchased for her, instead choosing to laud the selections my younger sister made on her behalf.

Prior to this, I had not considered the issue in depth. However, as my younger sister matured and I commenced my professional career, I began to observe a considerable degree of partiality.

My mother would prepare meals for my younger sister whenever she desired to eat. For instance, if there was only one remaining, she would claim it was for her, regardless of whether my younger sister expressed enjoyment for the food or not.

I purchased the necessary attire for her, and I permitted her to purchase the same for my younger sister. I would not compel her to perform tasks she found disagreeable, nor would I instruct her to discard items or force her to wear attire she found disagreeable.

"

"What caused me the greatest distress was that my university and home were situated in the same province but in different cities, not too far apart. Despite suffering a sprained ankle and being unable to walk, my mother did not suggest that I return home to recuperate.

I offered to undertake the task, with the hope that they would be able to collect me, but they informed me that this was not possible. At the time, I did not have any friends, and the only person I knew was an online acquaintance who happened to have a bicycle. He agreed to take me to the school gate and then to return by taxi.

Subsequently, upon graduation from university, I was assisted with the luggage by either friends or parents, but my family was unable to provide this support. I was therefore compelled to undertake this task independently.

"I became an adult almost entirely on my own, forced to navigate the challenges of adulthood in the absence of familial support."

Subsequently, following the commencement of my employment, my younger sister fell ill and requested my assistance in accompanying her and undertaking various errands on her behalf. I indicated my willingness to comply, given her need to return for scheduled check-ups and similar commitments. I subsequently made approximately four such visits. However, she subsequently became increasingly insistent on my accompaniment on each occasion, which I found increasingly onerous.

"I subsequently sought employment at a distance."

The act of comparing oneself to others is a common phenomenon.

After you began attending university, you observed a similar pattern emerge: your parents treated you differently from your younger sister. When you sprained your ankle, for instance, your parents did not express any concern for your well-being. However, when a friend from the internet offered to take you to the station, you were able to travel to the hospital independently. In contrast, when your younger sister fell ill, your parents requested that you assume responsibility for her care.

A comparison of numerous factors leads to the conclusion that the parents exhibit a bias towards the younger sister.

The individual may feel the need to escape from the current family environment due to the aforementioned factors.

Such occurrences have transpired on numerous occasions. The individual in question experiences a sense of imbalance due to the significant amount of care and attention directed towards the younger sibling. This can lead to feelings of fatigue and a desire to seek employment elsewhere, thereby creating a distance from the familial environment.

3⃣, Thoughts The subject expressed feelings of disappointment and a desire to distance themselves from home. However, they also experienced guilt, which they attributed to the deterioration of their relationship with their parents. They perceived a discrepancy in the level of care and attention they received compared to their younger sister.

You stated, "I am profoundly disillusioned by these circumstances. I am increasingly inclined to disassociate myself from my familial roots."

However, I frequently experience feelings of guilt, which I believe may have contributed to a deterioration in my relationship with my parents. Nevertheless, I am aware that this is not my responsibility. It is evident that my parents treat me differently and demonstrate less affection and care for me than they do for my younger sister.

"

"I am experiencing a profound internal conflict regarding the ethical implications of my current decision to remain separated from my familial home. At times, I am overcome with a sense of profound guilt."

However, had they not elected to have a second child, they might have been able to enjoy their lives to a greater extent by now.

Thoughts

The subject reports feelings of unfairness, disappointment, and emotional coldness due to perceived disparate treatment by parents toward themselves and their younger sister. This has led to contemplation of complete separation from the family.

The questioner's question reveals a number of underlying issues, the first of which is doubt.

The questioner exhibits resentment towards their parents, which causes them to stay away from home. However, they feel that this is an unproductive way of thinking, as it could potentially lead to a deterioration in their relationship with their family.

Such considerations are often the subject of introspection, with the question of culpability and the potential benefits of maintaining distance from home being particularly prominent.

2. The underlying cause of the dilemma

The question is posed in a clear and concise manner, effectively delineating the complexities and nuances of the issue at hand.

1. Psychological trauma

Psychological trauma

Psychological trauma, also referred to as trauma, is defined as an abnormal psychological, emotional, or even physical state that is caused by a relatively serious traumatic event in an individual's life. This abnormal state may be relatively mild and may resolve spontaneously after a period of self-adjustment.

Some effects of psychological trauma can persist for an extended period, frequently throughout an individual's lifetime. In psychological and psychiatric classifications, more severe forms of psychological trauma are classified as post-traumatic stress disorder.

We return to the subject of childhood.

From the description provided, it is evident that the subject is preoccupied with perceived favoritism exhibited by the parents towards the younger sibling. Following the transition to university, the subject frequently engages in self-comparisons with the younger sibling and expresses discontentment with the parents' actions. This suggests that the emotional landscape has been reoriented towards a pre-adult state.

In the absence of parental favoritism, the individual in question will be unaware that their parents do not value them. This lack of awareness leads to the subconscious expectation of greater love from parents.

2. Subject-object separation

The concept of subject-object separation refers to the differentiation between the individual's thoughts, desires, and actions, and those of external entities, such as parents. This separation occurs at the time of birth and is a fundamental aspect of psychological development.

The term "subject-object separation" is used to describe the process of differentiation between the individual's thoughts, will, and body (the "subject") and external entities, such as parents or other individuals (the "objects"). This separation occurs initially after birth.

In psychological theory, the capacity for the cognitive separation of subject and object is generally believed to emerge around the age of three. Individuals who are unable to achieve this separation often seek to exert control over their environment in order to regain the sense of oneness that they experienced in infancy. When they are unable to do so, they may experience feelings of anxiety or even hysteria. As they mature, they may become known as "infants."

The issue of separation

From the questioner's introduction, it is evident that the questioner is highly attached to her mother's meticulous care and attention. During the second separation period between the subject and the object, the separation between the subject and the object was not completed effectively, resulting in a residual separation issue.

Consequently, when one observes the caretaking of a younger sibling and compares one's own circumstances, feelings of neglect may arise.

3⃣, Subconscious

The subconscious mind

The subconscious mind refers to the part of human mental activity that is not accessible to conscious awareness. It is the process of mental activity that has already occurred but has not reached the state of consciousness.

The aforementioned events served as the catalyst for the questioner's subconscious thoughts of being ignored. These included instances such as being left unattended when they sprained their ankle and being asked to care for their younger sister when she was sick. This resulted in a subconscious desire for their parents' attention and resentment towards them.

The incidents that prompted the subject's subconscious recollections of neglect were the instances when her parents provided assistance, such as leaving her unattended when she sprained her ankle and requesting that she care for her younger sister when she was ill. These experiences led to the formation of a subconscious desire for parental attention and, subsequently, resentment towards her parents.

3. Recommendations for Action

1. It is imperative to address the aforementioned separation issue.

The process of self-differentiation

The concept of self-differentiation, also known as self-distinction or self-identification, was first proposed by Bowen, a prominent figure in the field of family therapy. It serves as the fundamental premise and the central tenet of Bowen's theory. According to Bowen's family systems theory, self-differentiation can be defined at two distinct levels: the level of internal differentiation and the level of interpersonal differentiation.

From an internal perspective, self-differentiation can be defined as an individual's capacity to distinguish between reason and emotion. This implies the ability to determine whether to be guided by reason or emotion at a given moment. From an interpersonal standpoint, self-differentiation can be understood as an individual's capacity to experience both intimacy and independence when interacting with others.

The topic of separation must now be completed.

Previously, the separation of subject and object had not been completed, and a state of emotional dependence on parents had been maintained. This resulted in an inability to differentiate oneself in response to external stimuli. Therefore, the initial step is to complete the separation from emotional dependence on parents and achieve the separation of subject and object.

Subsequently, further self-differentiation occurs.

2. Establish a Sense of Independence

The concept of independence is multifaceted and encompasses various aspects of an individual's autonomy. It can be defined as the capacity to act and make decisions without external influence or guidance. Independence is a fundamental aspect of self-determination and is closely linked to the ability to take responsibility for one's actions and well-being.

The term "sense of independence" is used to describe an individual's inclination to seek autonomy and self-reliance. It encompasses the capacity to address challenges and navigate life's complexities independently, particularly in the domains of learning, work, and social interactions. Additionally, it encompasses the ability to take responsibility for one's own well-being and self-care.

The objective is to establish a sense of independence.

In order to truly be oneself and avoid being unduly influenced by external emotions, it is essential to cultivate a sense of independence. This enables individuals to become less reliant on others for their survival and to refrain from concerning themselves with whether their parents treat their younger siblings more favourably.

3. Self-Improvement

The term "self-awareness" is used to describe the ability to recognize and understand one's own thoughts, emotions, and behaviors. It is a complex psychological phenomenon that encompasses multiple dimensions and layers. It consists of three main components: self-knowledge, self-experience, and self-control. These components are interrelated and interdependent, forming a unified concept within the individual's self-awareness.

Self-awareness, also referred to as self-knowledge or self, is a multifaceted psychological phenomenon comprising numerous dimensions and layers. It encompasses three fundamental psychological components: self-knowledge, self-experience, and self-control. These three psychological components are intricately interrelated and interdependent, forming a unified entity within the individual's self-awareness.

The process of self-improvement

An enhanced level of self-awareness is conducive to personal growth. It facilitates a more nuanced comprehension of the external world.

It is possible to distinguish oneself from other individuals, objects, and phenomena, as well as to recognize objective entities in the external world. At the level of self-awareness, one can gain insight into one's identity and purpose, and act in a conscious and self-disciplined manner.

Concurrently, one may enhance one's personal growth through consistent self-monitoring and self-cultivation. This process enables individuals to become more autonomous and to develop into a superior version of themselves.

It is imperative that one engages in self-improvement in order to differentiate between the subject and the object. This process will prevent one from succumbing to the emotional distress associated with comparison and jealousy. It will also facilitate the dissolution of dependence and the establishment of harmonious family relationships. Ultimately, it will enable one to become their authentic self.

Ultimately, it is my hope that the questioner will lead a happy life.

Hi, I'm Yu, a heart exploration coach, and I'd like to talk about this topic with you.

First, let's talk about family values.

It's pretty common for parents to show favoritism to one child over another, especially in families with more than one kid. Some families seem to place more importance on the younger kids than on the oldest. Growing up in a family like that can sometimes make the kids feel like they're at odds with each other and also create conflicts between the oldest child and their parents.

As the original poster said, I didn't notice anything before, but when my sister grew up and I started working, I realized that my parents were biased.

We can try to remind ourselves that this isn't our fault and to accept ourselves when we realize that our parents have a different concept of what's important and unimportant. We can also try to remind ourselves that our sister is very good, that we're not bad, and that we're both our parents' darlings.

Let's talk about comparison.

The more similar the person being compared to us is, the stronger the sense of comparison we experience. It's because similar experiences make us feel like we're on the same starting line that we wonder why she's better than me.

As the questioner wrote, I feel utterly disappointed by these things, and I keep hearing that it's not my problem. It's pretty obvious that they treat me differently.

Essentially, the person making the comparison feels a subjective sense of unfairness, so every time you look at her, it's as if you're looking at your own failure. As the original poster said, my family is fine with me, but not with my younger sister.

Competition isn't as bad as we think. It can sometimes motivate us to compete and help us reach our potential. But it can also lead to inferiority complexes and confusion, as the questioner said. Sometimes it causes internal conflicts and makes us feel that our relationship with our parents has become weaker because of this.

We can ask ourselves, compared to my younger sister, what I really need.

We can also ask ourselves what we would say if we could pour out all our pain and disappointment right now.

All emotions are neither good nor bad in themselves. It can also help to record what your feelings are at the moment. You can write about your feelings honestly and openly, as this will help you understand the origins and effects of your emotions, as well as help you to clarify the root of the problem.

And finally, love yourself.

In the near future, you can spend more time keeping in touch with your parents. Your daughter will always be your parents' little comfort. Talk about interesting stories about yourself, and talk about your work and studies. At the same time, we can also express our true thoughts to our parents, and hope that they can do something to not only release our pent-up emotions, but also enhance our parent-child relationship.

If this is an issue for you, it's worth seeking help. Find a family member or friend you trust and who has always given you positive support to talk to. If you feel the need, you can also find a counselor, because emotions must have an outlet to relieve the heaviness and blockage in our hearts.

We also need to affirm ourselves, empower ourselves, expand our knowledge, and enrich our inner being. When we have a strong core, people will naturally feel comfortable with us.

I'd suggest reading Inferiority and Transcendence.

Dear questioner, I understand your confusion and dilemma. Family should be our warmest harbor, but it can also bring some complicated emotional entanglements.

First of all, I want to be clear that it is completely normal to feel this way. Everyone has their own place and role in the family, and these places and roles are not always completely fair.

This does not mean that your parents do not love you. It just means that they may express their love in a different way. Compared to your younger sister, they may have higher expectations and demands on you simply because they think you are more independent and stronger.

You can and should express your feelings and needs. In fact, I believe it's crucial to communicate openly with your parents.

You should choose an appropriate time to sit down and talk to them about your feelings. Tell them that you want them to pay more attention to your emotional needs, not just your material needs.

At the same time, respect their views and positions, and understand their thoughts and feelings.

Furthermore, I advise you to take part in activities with your family, such as family dinners and trips, which will help you get to know each other better and strengthen your relationship. During these activities, you can participate more actively, show your talents and charm, and let your family see your uniqueness.

Furthermore, I understand your hesitation and guilt about leaving home. Regardless of your decision, it is crucial to respect your feelings and needs.

If you feel that being away from home will allow you to develop and grow better, then you should consider this option. However, before making a decision, you must fully communicate and exchange with your family so that they understand your thoughts and feelings.

I have one more piece of advice for you. First, you should try to connect with your family more. Call them regularly or send WeChat messages so they can understand your life and work better.

Second, you should actively participate in family activities, such as household chores and taking care of your younger sister, to show your sense of responsibility and love. At the same time, you must also learn to protect your own boundaries, rights, and interests. Don't sacrifice your own needs and feelings excessively.

In short, you must face your own feelings and needs while understanding and respecting the overall interests and dynamic balance of the family. This will lead you to your own path to happiness and growth.

I wish you the best and a happy life!