My father doesn't eat the things I buy, and he looks down on me, as does my mother. What does this mean?

Hello. I'm a heart coach. I'll listen to you with warmth and sincerity.

You're confused and angry. You don't understand your parents' actions. It seems like they've emotionally cut themselves off from you, which makes you feel very lonely.

Let's hug and figure out what the problem is.

1. We evaluate people and things using our own values and standards.

When there are values, there is judgment.

Within our own perception, we make judgments. With our own values, we set standards.

From your words, I can only judge your parents' behavior from your perspective. With limited information, I cannot make judgments about their patterns or parenting.

Everyone has their own patterns, which they bring into relationships. These patterns are maintained because they once provided protection.

You've noticed your parents' behavior, which has caused you emotional distress.

Judgment is good, but it also limits us. Fixation is when we get stuck on one thing because we don't see the bigger picture.

"Fixation" makes life immobile and destroys relationships.

If you're set in your ways, you'll miss out on new experiences and become inflexible. This makes it hard to communicate with others. To listen, you have to let go of your preconceptions.

Look at things from different points of view. This helps you see the truth and gives you more options.

2. Family communication

Your parents' behavior confused you for over ten years.

Have you talked to your parents? Have you tried to understand them?

Have you ever told your parents how you feel about their behavior?

Many conflicts come from a lack of communication.

Communication affects our lives and relationships.

Communication is sharing thoughts and feelings to agree or connect.

Communication is expressing my wishes or needs while finding common ground.

Ms. Zhou Liyuan's book "The Power of Self-Healing through Writing" is about free writing and understanding your parents.

Home is a place of love, not reason. I hope you are happy.

I hope this helps. I love you.

To continue the conversation, click "Find a coach" in the top right or bottom. I will communicate and grow with you one-on-one.

Hello, host!

I've been there! I used to collect things that others gave me instead of using them, especially if they were given by someone I had a crush on. For example, I used to collect the bags that the coffee I liked to drink came in. I'd even drink the coffee, but I just couldn't let go of the bag! My parents also don't eat or use the delicious food and items (such as skin care products) I bought before.

I think the following reasons might be helpful to consider.

1. They love each other so much that they don't want to use the things the other person has given them. When you feel that the person you love may leave you at any time, not giving you a thing makes you feel like it's the last thing they gave you before leaving and the only thing you can have that reminds you of their love.

So, the other person is understandably reluctant to use it and would rather save it up.

2. They may feel that the old things are still usable, and the new things should be put aside first, and then used when the old things can no longer be used, so that the new things can be used to better effect and show their love and respect for you.

I totally get where you're coming from, but it'd be really helpful to try to see things from their perspective too. It'd be great if we could chat more with our parents, try to understand what they're thinking and talk through some of these issues together. I'm sure we'll be able to find a solution that works for everyone.

Hello, question asker! I'm so honored to answer your question. I really feel for you based on what you've told me. I don't know what happened between you and your parents, but it seems like they're trying to draw a line and emotionally distance themselves from you.

This kind of punishment is like cold violence in the context of domestic violence. It isolates you from the whole family, which is really tough. I don't know why you're still living with them, given your gender, age, and marital status. There will always be conflicts and arguments between family members. Even though these can destroy family harmony, they show that there is still a link between you and that you still care about each other's emotions. Once there is no more arguing, no one will care about each other.

It can be really hurtful when your parents don't share things with you, especially if you don't have any serious infectious diseases. It can feel like they're rejecting you, isolating you, and excluding you from the family. It's natural to feel like you have to take the initiative to leave the family when this happens. I'm wondering if this is how you feel about your parents?

I'm just wondering, are your siblings and other group friends also like this?

It's been more than ten years now, and I really feel for you. I can't help but think there must be something your parents are hiding from you. I know they've chosen not to communicate with you proactively, but I would really recommend you don't dig too deeply into this.

If you're feeling really overwhelmed, it might help to chat with a professional about how you're feeling. They can help you work through the emotional pressure this situation is causing and support you in facing the challenges in your studies and life with a positive spirit. I'd love to meet up with you! 1983. The world and I love you!

Hello!

You want to know your parents' thoughts. You're willing to explore to understand them.

Give some observations. I hope to make the questioner feel comfortable.

1. Your words are worth cherishing. Read your sentences again to discover how you feel.

To be understood, we must take ownership of our words.

It makes people think we're more mature.

Dad and Mom don't know how to use the things you buy.

Ask them and discuss your doubts.

No matter how you feel, give yourself a hug and remember: I'm human, I'm trying to communicate.

Just because I want to understand my parents doesn't mean I'm bad.

Be kind to yourself.

3. If your parents won't talk to you, you'll be sad because they think differently.

We can choose. When we don't feel warm, we can embrace spring.

Your life was once entwined with your parents.

Your life is your own.

Your life is yours.

Hello!

I'm thrilled to see you asking these questions! From an outsider's perspective, I think...

Your father doesn't eat the food you buy, and your mother doesn't use the things you buy, not because they don't like them, but because they don't need them! This really confuses you, doesn't it?

You are still living together, and I think if it were me, I would probably be really excited to see what happens next!

I don't know what's going on between you and your parents, but I'm excited to find out!

So, are you still living together?

What is it that makes you want to live with your parents even though they are like that? Could it be that you have some unmet need that they can fulfill?

And have you tried communicating directly with your parents?

And be honest with each other!

Perhaps there's something your parents are not comfortable talking about.

And use this method to make your way out of the family!

Everything that happens is for a reason!

It's time to pay attention to how others around you are treating you!

Do you feel similarly to your parents?

If so, it's time for a reality check! Ask yourself: is there something wrong with you?

If not, then it's time to start mending that rift!

Guess what! Only the person involved knows what happened!

So the one who started it gets to finish it!

If your parents are unwilling to talk about it and you find it unbearable,

You can even choose to leave for a while and try it out!

I absolutely believe that all parents love their children!

The great news is that you can also find a professional psychologist!

And explore your inner child!

And discover what you've lost!

I am a lonely wave, and I love you, world!

Hello, question asker!

I saw your question on the platform. You said that your parents live with you but never eat the things you buy or use the things you buy. They are very clear about everything, which makes you feel confused and think that they look down on you. You haven't been able to figure out the reason.

1. You could try talking to them about this to see if there's a reason why they've been acting this way. Don't keep everything bottled up. You're the closest people in the world, and any misunderstandings or conflicts can be resolved. But the worst thing is not to explain or communicate.

2. It's been a while, right? Have you ever tried to communicate with each other? Have you really been open and honest with each other?

After all, you're a family living together. Surely, you can work this out!

3. It's also possible that they want to respect you. They don't want to use many things without your permission and want to ask for your consent and permission. This is still a very real possibility. You can ask them what they mean.

4. It's always better to communicate than to keep things to yourself. You never know what you can resolve through communication, so give it a try!

I hope this helps. Best regards, [Name]

When I first saw this title, I thought of my mother-in-law. She used to be like that too. Whatever my husband and I bought, whether it was food or things for use, she never ate or used it. I can understand why you might feel the same way.

She would not take the money I gave her, including during the New Year and other holidays. Instead, she would wait until the end of the year and save it all up as children's New Year's money, and then give it all back to us.

When you sincerely want to give something to someone, but they refuse, it can be a bit of a disappointment. It's not always easy to understand what the other person is thinking, and it's natural to wonder whether they have any misgivings about what you're giving.

As the saying goes, good relationships flow with give and take. Our parents have raised us and given us many things unconditionally. It is only natural that we show our filial piety by buying them some delicious food and giving them small gifts. However, it is also important to consider their preferences and to respect their decisions.

1. Parents' habits

The older generation tends to be more thrifty and often looks for ways to make the most of things. They may be reluctant to throw things away until they are no longer useful, and they often prefer to use items that have stood the test of time. It would be interesting to understand whether your parents share these habits.

It would be helpful to understand if they have any preferences. Do they feel that the food they buy is better and easier to use? Or do they prefer a certain style, something simple or a bit more fancy?

Everyone has different tastes. What we consider delicious, the elderly may not necessarily enjoy. For instance, my mother-in-law has a particular penchant for soft and mushy food, and she's not particularly fond of some dairy products. She often remarks that the food we buy from outside isn't to her liking, given her expertise in cooking and her personal preferences. She doesn't eat out frequently, and she's not particularly enthusiastic about the food we often buy from outside.

It might be helpful to observe what your parents eat.

2. Parents' values

It would be helpful to observe whether your parents can also distinguish clearly when they interact with other people. You might also like to see if they tend to use other people's things.

Could I ask whether they have a problem with owing people things?

3. Relationship with parents:

Could you please describe your typical relationship with your parents? Do you often have conversations with them about your thoughts and feelings?

It would be beneficial for the family to eat together at the table every day. This would allow for discussion of each other's thoughts and views, fostering mutual understanding and care, and strengthening the family bond.

It seems that you have a strong bond with your parents. Perhaps you could find some time to talk to them about your concerns and get their perspective on things.

I hope you will be able to find clarity soon.

Hello!

Is this true?

As a child, you liked to cry and didn't like others taking your things, including your parents. Your parents respected your preferences and tried not to take your things. This became a habit for them.

Some parents are used to giving to their children. They may feel that getting their children's things is putting the cart before the horse. Even if you have grown up, they still see you as a child.

Do you remember being a crybaby as a kid?

Or maybe your parents think you're self-sufficient and don't need them.

If you feel your parents are distant and insecure without their support, you may doubt your relationship with them. Have you tried talking with your parents every day?

Do you talk to your parents every day?

Caring words and greetings can bring people closer. Communication helps keep feelings strong. Family bonds are special.