My father has always been a loner, but now his temper is getting even more eccentric. What should I do?

Hello, question asker! From what you've said, it seems that your father's main issue is his "lone ranger" behavior, which is closely related to his unfriendliness towards others.

From the time you can remember, he's been on the shy and reserved side. We humans need relationships where we support and satisfy each other, work through conflicts, and come out the other side with a better relationship for everyone.

But for someone who's closed off, this mobility is disrupted, and the function of the brain's nerves will also be impaired over time. It's like the law of conservation of energy — his instability will increase with age.

First, I suggest you take your father to the district hospital for a check-up to rule out any organic problems. Listen to what the doctor has to say and see if you need to take some supplements that nourish the nerves and brain.

Second, from a psychological perspective, he might have been born with a sensitive temperament or have experienced trauma in his early years. It's possible that your father is inherently vulnerable and has a lot of persecution fantasies. He may find it easy to think the worst of other people's words and deeds and feel bullied. This could lead him to act in ways that others may perceive as unfriendly.

Once you understand that the core of the problem is vulnerability and fear, you can show your father more care and warmth with your family, and also talk about the kindness of others when you chat with him. Just remember, don't always criticize him for being bad—that's what's making him act out.

Try to see things from his perspective and listen to what he has to say.

Everyone is a beacon of light! It doesn't matter if you're asking a question or answering one, your words can brighten the hearts of many people. This is our shared energy!

Hello, I'm Xin Tan, Coach Fei Yun here. I totally get it. Your father's a bit eccentric, and it's affected his relationship with the neighbors. I can see how that's worrying you about your dad's emotions and the unity of the neighborhood.

Let's have a little hug from a distance, and then we'll take a look at the problems that trouble you.

? 1. Let's look at the father's model together and see what his unmet emotional needs might be.

As you mentioned, your father has had a tough time with his neighbors and has always been a bit on the shy side. As he got older, his eccentric behavior became more and more serious, which was concerning for the neighbors and for you and your mom.

There's always a positive motivation behind a behavior. The father makes a lot of noise to "scare" the neighbors, standing upstairs watching and judging the pedestrians downstairs. Is he seeking a sense of value, a sense of existence, a sense of security? Does he want to be noticed?

And to establish a connection with others?

We can learn so much more about your father by paying attention to his daily behavior and interactions with his family. This will help us understand what he needs emotionally.

You can also learn more about your father's upbringing from his mother, his grandparents, or his father's elders or peers. From the perspective of "psychological nutrition," people who generally lack a sense of security are prone to emotional, behavioral, and interpersonal disorders.

It's so important to feel secure, and we learn this from our parents. They show us what it means to be loved and cared for, and they help us understand how to form relationships with others. So, the first step to feeling secure is understanding your parents' relationship and how they interact with each other.

? 2. Show your dad more understanding and care.

Fathers are elders, but they're also people with their own growth history and some psychological traumas suffered during their growth. The good news is that by learning and understanding some psychological knowledge, you can give your father more understanding and attention.

In the eyes of his neighbors, my father is a "weirdo," and their responses to him may once again make him feel dissatisfied. These long-term behavioral habits have also become his way of communicating and connecting with the outside world and other people.

Fathers can also use strange behaviors to hide their inner pain and vulnerability. It's like building a castle. When they feel danger from the outside world, they'll hide inside for a while and only come out when they feel safe.

So, you can spend more time with him, chat with him more, and pay more attention to him. And remember, love is the answer to everything!

I really hope this helps! Sending you lots of love ?

If you'd like to keep chatting, just click 'Find a coach' in the top right or bottom of the page. I'd love to keep talking with you one-on-one!

Greetings, question asker.

I have carefully reviewed your question and am aware of your concerns.

As a child, one encounters significant challenges.

It is my intention to provide you with a variety of perspectives, which I hope will prove to be a source of inspiration.

1. Provide a summary of the situations in which your father does not affect others.

If an individual exhibits a disagreeable temperament and makes a considerable amount of noise when neighbors pass by, it will likely have an adverse effect on them.

Have you attempted to ascertain the rationale behind your father's actions by inquiring with him directly?

What are the psychological needs that he is attempting to fulfill?

One might inquire whether the objective is to attract attention.

Let us attempt to dispel the notion of eccentricity ascribed to the paternal figure and instead direct our attention towards a more nuanced understanding.

Let us attempt to remove the label of eccentricity from our father and instead examine his behavior.

His words and actions do, however, appear somewhat eccentric.

He is simply accustomed to a solitary lifestyle and does not form profound connections with others.

What is the nature of his relationship with his mother and you?

One might inquire as to whether he still values the family.

Does he engage in such behavior when you and his mother are at home?

The objective is to regulate one's behavior in a manner that does not offend the neighbors.

In order to avoid causing offence to the neighbours, we attempt to regulate both our words and our actions.

However, the father's approach is antithetical to this.

It would be beneficial to refrain from criticism and instead attempt to comprehend whether his actions truly provide him with a sense of comfort.

It would be beneficial to engage in less criticism and attempt to comprehend his perspective to ascertain whether this truly serves to enhance his well-being.

It would be beneficial to provide guidance and allow him to ascertain the impact this has on himself and on others.

If he is able to comprehend that expressing dissatisfaction does not always result in an improvement in his emotional state.

It is advisable to allow the individual to make his or her own decisions and to respect his or her autonomy. This entails refraining from imposing one's own will upon the individual.

2. It is imperative to prioritize self-care and establish a clear boundary between oneself and the issues associated with one's father.

One might inquire as to the source of this pervasive concern.

One might inquire as to the source of this pervasive concern.

This is a problem that our father should be addressing, yet we must ascertain a method of communicating with him or preventing him from influencing others.

It is challenging to maintain a sense of equanimity in the face of such circumstances, yet it is also relatively straightforward to succumb to worry.

As a result of unintentional transference, we are carrying our father's problems.

The fundamental challenge is to determine how to coexist with a father who exhibits such behavior.

The question thus arises as to how one might induce one's father to cease engaging in such behavior.

First and foremost, it is imperative to prioritize self-care.

It is futile to dwell on one's own concerns when attempting to resolve a problematic situation.

Such behaviour may also evoke feelings of discomfort.

When one is not influenced by one's father, one is better able to accumulate the strength necessary to find solutions and face difficult problems.

Given the prolonged period of solitude and the dearth of social connections in my father's life, it is imperative to temper our expectations of him.

"When he sees something he dislikes, he points at the person and mutters," but if he does not vocalize his displeasure in the presence of the other individual and is amenable to doing so, it is acceptable to disregard the remark.

It is a relatively minor issue, comparable to how we may sometimes engage in criticism of individuals we do not particularly care for.

This is contingent upon the father's upbringing and personality.

Should his behavior become increasingly erratic, it may be advisable for him to seek medical attention to rule out the possibility of a physical or minor mental disorder.

Conversely, the more tolerant and understanding we are of him, for example, in regard to whether he is currently retired and whether he will experience boredom.

From other perspectives, it may be beneficial to redirect his attention in order to promote greater peacefulness, or to prevent him from focusing on the individual who is causing him distress.

Should he be amenable to the idea of keeping a pet, he could allow the animal to take care of it. There is evidence to suggest that pets can have a beneficial effect on mental health.

A shift in perspective is necessary.

It is recommended that a different perspective be considered.

For example, if he has had some disagreeable experiences with neighbors, he may retain a negative sentiment.

With the passage of time, this may dissipate.

Furthermore, it may be beneficial to attempt to communicate with the neighbors and request that they demonstrate increased tolerance.

Furthermore, it may be beneficial to attempt to communicate with the neighbors and request that they demonstrate increased tolerance.

When one speaks to one's father in an indirect manner, he may respond with a counterargument. By analyzing these arguments, one can gain insight into his underlying thoughts and motivations.

It is not uncommon for the act of instructing one's father to result in a reduction in his willingness to heed the advice.

The creation of an environment characterised by tolerance, understanding and permission increases the likelihood of the individual in question reflecting on their own behaviour.

It is akin to coaxing a child.

It is acknowledged that this may be a challenging undertaking.

It is challenging to be a family member in such a situation.

If feasible, or if the father is amenable, it would be beneficial to spend more time with him, take him out for a walk, or, should he express interest, allow him to engage in calligraphy practice.

Should he cease focusing on this limited area, a change in his behaviour may also occur.

It is recommended that these be shared.

Should you be interested, you may wish to peruse The Courage to Be Disliked.

I extend my warmest wishes to you.

If your father displays erratic behavior and your children are unhappy,

Firstly, it is important to stabilise your mood. Your father has a tendency to display unusual behaviour, and we empathise with your distress.

First, we need to ascertain the root cause of his irritability. The questioner has digressed somewhat to the topic of menopause in fathers. It is important to understand that I am a medical professional, so I will answer the question from a medical perspective. Please accept my apologies for any inconvenience this may cause.

I am unsure of my father's age. Menopause in men typically occurs later than in women but lasts longer. Menopause in men usually occurs between the ages of 45 and 65.

In general, men at this stage may experience a range of reactions, including changes in personality, such as impatience, irritability, anxiety, and sadness.

Menopausal reactions vary from person to person. Some men do not experience significant changes and go through this stage relatively smoothly. However, once menopausal symptoms appear, they should be taken seriously.

If your father is truly in menopause, I hope you can reassure him, communicate with him promptly, intervene in a timely manner, or provide psychological counseling to help him maintain a positive outlook, enrich his leisure time, eat regularly, and exercise to improve his health and immunity, so that he can successfully navigate male menopause.

If your father does not exhibit menopausal symptoms but displays a particular temperament, it is possible that he experienced a traumatic event during his childhood. It would be beneficial to communicate more frequently with your father and demonstrate greater care and understanding. It is possible that you have misinterpreted the underlying cause of your father's irritability and unreasonable behavior. When he becomes upset, it is advisable to refrain from engaging with him and resume the conversation when he has calmed down.

Another issue to address is that of hemorrhoids. In traditional Chinese medicine, this is caused by damp-heat invading the anus and rectum, leading to localized blood stasis and heat toxin stagnation. This forces the blood to run erratically, inducing bloody stools and anal distension. Additionally, my father may be experiencing a deficiency in qi, which can cause the hemorrhoids to prolapse. This is known as "mid-qi sinking syndrome." To treat this effectively, it is essential to avoid foods that stimulate the digestive system. Instead, he should sit in a sitz bath for 15 minutes daily and, if he is able, perform an anus-raising exercise for 10 minutes each day.

Please refer to the video for further details.

From a child's perspective, I empathize with the emotional distress caused by such a father figure. However, we cannot control our circumstances. As his children, we should strive to be tolerant and loving towards our father.

It is therefore advisable to avoid conflicts with our fathers as much as possible. If the topic is not appropriate, it may be preferable to simply walk away in order to avoid exacerbating the situation.

If it is not a significant detriment to you, you may wish to consider ways of satisfying your father's needs.

In the event that our father puts forward ideas and attitudes that we cannot accept, we have the option of remaining silent or addressing them in a gentle manner rather than confronting him head-on.

In this world, apart from our parents, there are no relatives who treat us best. If we encounter such a father, we really cannot choose to avoid him; we can only face him bravely. It is in our best interest to care more about our father and give him some love, so that he doesn't cause any problems.

As a Feng Shui Chinese medicine practitioner, I hope the questioner can resolve his father's issues and achieve happiness and security.