My father often beats and curses me, and I feel mentally broken down at home, yet I can't escape?

Hello!

Your father's lack of understanding and harsh words have made you feel weighed down. If you carry a heavy load, it's hard to keep going.

The questioner is the focus of the respondent's care.

"You didn't sleep last night and you didn't eat today." Did you make a mistake? If not, why are you punishing yourself?

Your father treated you wrongly. Why continue to hurt yourself?

As you think about this, you may find new ways to treat yourself kindly. Think about what major to choose in college and what industry and position you are suited for in your job search.

In Chinese, it's called "choice."

No matter how bad things get, you always have a choice. You can either punish yourself or learn to treat yourself kindly.

If you want to eat better, you need to learn, grow your abilities, and then choose.

What kind of life is free of regrets? You choose your path and face the results.

Who understands and then acts, or practices first and then understands? It's the unity of knowledge and action.

It symbolizes a change in thinking. It symbolizes freedom. True freedom requires responsibility and sacrifice.

Dear Question Asker,

From your description, it is evident that your situation is highly challenging. It is particularly difficult to raise a father who lives with you daily, exhibits a consistently negative mood, and frequently engages in verbal abuse. It is not uncommon for individuals in such circumstances to experience feelings of depression and emotional exhaustion. Do you feel like a puppet, lacking autonomy and control over your own actions? I extend my support and understanding through a gesture of physical comfort, offering a hug to convey solidarity and silent listening.

The beatings and scoldings, as well as the disapproval and dislike expressed by your father, have they made you less determined in your actions and thoughts? Perhaps you had an idea for a goal to pursue, but he immediately negated it with a blow to the head. Over time, you have become afraid to have your own thoughts, but you long to have your own thoughts and live according to them.

One cannot live one's life according to one's own wishes; one cannot make decisions for oneself. Furthermore, one faces a relentless and malevolent force on a daily basis. One feels that one's life is devoid of any joy and interest. One is so despondent that one even loses the desire to eat, sleep, or engage in ordinary activities. One cannot escape from this reality, so what recourse does one have?

It would be beneficial to consider the situation from a different perspective. It is precisely because your father is your father that you care about what he thinks of you, and that is why it is more difficult to accept. If it were a stranger who was dissatisfied with you and said you were no good, would you care so much? Would you definitely prove to him that you are not what he thinks? It is important to recognize that not everyone will affirm you, because people are just different.

It may be helpful to view your father as a stranger and to refrain from concerning yourself with his words or actions. Attempting to alter his opinion of you is likely unproductive. It may be beneficial to simply let him be. You may find it beneficial to stop caring about his opinions. If he attempts to exert control, it may be helpful to ignore him. You should do what you believe is right for you. It is important to maintain a confident and firm attitude, and to adhere to your goals. It is important to recognize that you are not obliged to change your opinions or actions based on his opinions. Regardless of whether his opinions are right or wrong, it is important to recognize that he is not necessarily wrong. It is important to recognize that everyone lives for themselves, not for others.

In the event that one is prohibited from using physical force against a child, it is imperative to contact the authorities. Failure to do so may result in the normalization of such actions. Reporting the incident to the police will enable the individual to instill respect for children in their partner.

It is important for children to be confident and to avoid allowing their parents' ideas to impede their personal growth. The fact that you do not wish to disobey your parents indicates that you are an obedient and well-behaved child who is respectful towards your parents. However, being a good child does not necessitate the rejection of your own ideas.

One might suggest that you attempt to assert your autonomy and adopt a more assertive stance. It is possible that your father's approach may become less rigid if you demonstrate a greater degree of resolve. It is also advisable to communicate more frequently with your mother, seek her support, and engage in more frequent social interaction to help regulate your emotions.

It is my sincere hope that you will soon be able to discern your own identity and establish a mutually respectful relationship with your father.

Hello there!

I see your problems, and I see the contradictions and conflicts. I also see the lack of understanding from your family and your own confusion. And I see that wanting to live at home on the one hand causes a lot of conflict. But I also see your desire to live your own life. I see that you want to pursue your dreams. And I see that you want to live your life as you want to live it. You are free. You are free to choose. You are free to live your life as you choose. Hugs ~

? Learn to separate subjects!

Your parents may expect and demand things from you, but it's probably just their own wishful thinking.

But you are free, and this is your life! You have your own problems, and you can choose to listen to them and live your life as they want, or you can pursue your dreams and live your life as you want!

You are free, my dear.

If your family members criticize you, it might be time to move out and live on your own. You've got this! Take responsibility for your own choices.

But if you want them to pay your tuition or something, or live together,

And then, they'll probably start nagging you, which is totally fair!

? When you become an adult, you can take care of yourself.

My dear, you are an adult now, and you have received a certain education. Even if your father and family have done many things wrong, they have also raised you, and they love you very much.

As an adult, you can take care of yourself, right?

It's your life, no matter what the outcome. And whoever makes this choice for you will have to bear the consequences.

So have the courage to follow your heart and make the best choice, sweetheart!

I really hope my answer helps you out! I love you and I love the world!

Hi, I'm Xin Tan, Coach Fei Yun. I'll be your listener today, and I'll do my best to make you feel at ease.

You've been in a situation where you felt powerless and controlled by your father for a long time. It's normal to lose your sense of autonomy when you're in that situation. Your father has a lot of control over your life, and it can feel like he has the right to make all the choices.

Your home is like a cage. You can't escape without money. If you stay, you'll just have to put up with things. You'll feel like there's no hope and no reason to move forward.

Let's start with a warm hug and then take a look at what's on your mind.

?1. Take a look at the situation from the parents' point of view:

It's clear that manipulation is a factor in your family.

Control: They try every trick in the book to get you to do things their way, as if you were a puppet and they were pulling the strings.

There are many reasons why a father might be controlling of your various choices, including a lack of a sense of security.

If you lack a sense of security, you'll unconsciously try to control the people around you, especially the weak, and make others do things your way. You might even try to control other people's lives. You'll often use the excuse of "this is for your own good" to control others, but in fact you just want to feel safe.

When someone feels secure, they're more likely to trust the people around them, especially the guidance their parents provide, and let them do their own thing in their own way.

When you're confident in your sense of security, you don't need to manipulate others. Then, the people around you can truly live their lives and enjoy themselves. Otherwise, you'll become a puppet, manipulated by that person.

We can't change others, only ourselves. When we change ourselves, the other person will naturally have to make certain changes to adapt to our changes.

The dynamic between parents and children is often one of control and being controlled. It's important to be aware of this pattern and to recognize it in your own interactions with your parents and in the interactions between you. Being aware gives you the power to choose, and it's the first step in making a change.

While you're aware of what's going on, try to separate your parents' actions from their motives. Actions can be right or wrong, but the motives behind them are good. Even if you don't feel it, your parents love you.

Parents are parents, and they have their limitations. They didn't learn to love or feel love from their own parents or their own families, so they can't love either.

If you look at things from your parents' perspective, you'll understand their actions better. You'll see that it's not your fault and that they were also deeply affected by their own families. But you don't have to understand or accept their actions. Just accept that they're imperfect.

2. Take a look at the situation from your own point of view:

When we were young, we didn't have the full range of judgment or subjective initiative, and we needed to get the "psychological nutrition" we needed for physical and mental growth and health from our parents (who were our "significant others"). For example, we needed the ability to love, the ability to connect with others, a sense of security, a sense of self-worth, and independence.

However, as an adult, you can fully become your own "significant other" and provide yourself with the psychological nourishment you need to thrive. While the original family is at least partly to blame, you cannot blame them for all your sins.

It's not the event itself that's the problem, but how we see it.

In this world, some people are influenced and changed, while others influence and change others. And often, the first person to step out of the family is the one who changes the fate of the family/clan.

"If you don't set off, how will you arrive?" Try a different approach with your parents. Show them you've grown up and are in control of your own life. If your parents have treated you this way since you were a child, you might need to find reasons within yourself as to why they don't believe in you. Have you done anything to make them believe in you?

No matter what, you've got to keep going. You might stumble, but you've got to get back up. How you view your mistakes and past experiences will determine whether you can break through this time.

I'd like to suggest that you read "You Should Fly Like a Bird to Your Mountain" and "Beyond the Original Family." They're both books about how to transcend the original family.

I hope this is helpful to you, and I wish you all the best.

If you want to keep in touch, just click "Find a coach" in the top right corner or at the bottom. I'll be in touch and we can work together one-on-one.

Hello, question asker! I can see the confusion you are facing right now, but I'm here to help! Hugs to you!

You are now experiencing some family problems. But don't worry! I'm here to give you a warm hug again.

I would love to think that your father's frequent scolding and beating of you may have something to do with his own family of origin!

It's even possible that during his own upbringing, your father was treated in this way by his own father!

Therefore, he has a more deeply rooted concept in his mind that "spanking is affection" and doesn't know that this parenting style is wrong.

Therefore, this kind of scolding and beating is transferred to you.

If you are devastated by the way your father has raised you, you can tell him honestly what you really think and feel!

If you don't say anything, how will he know what you're thinking? Let's tell him!

And another thing! You're already 23 years old this year!

You're already an adult! Why not consider moving out after graduation and living on your own?

Absolutely! Changing jobs and taking the postgraduate entrance exam is no problem at all!

If you think that taking the postgraduate entrance exam can greatly increase your chances of finding a job in the future, you can use the money you earn from your job to pay for your postgraduate tuition. It's a great idea! What do you think?

In short, there are ALWAYS more solutions than problems!

I really, really hope that you can resolve this problem soon!

Now I can think of only these things, and I'm excited to share them with you!

I really hope my answer is helpful and inspiring to you! I'm the respondent, and I study hard every day.

Here at Yixinli, we love you and the world loves you too! Wishing you the best!