My husband is starting a business with a woman. Am I being too strict by not letting them have contact?

Hello! I'd like to extend a warm hug from afar to you.

I'm grateful to have the opportunity to assist you in any way I can. I can sense the anxiety/a-colleague-forcibly-helped-me-while-inflicting-severe-emotional-distress-on-me-causing-me-distress-and-discomfort-13905.html" target="_blank">distress you're experiencing due to your husband's involvement with other individuals of the opposite sex as a result of starting a business. It's understandable that you're feeling anxious and uncertain about the future.

Indeed, by seeking help, you have recognized that even if your husband were to start his own business, he would still inevitably interact with other members of the opposite sex.

Perhaps the concerns you're experiencing stem from your husband's new venture and his growing proximity to other individuals of the opposite sex. It's possible that these worries are largely your own, and it might be beneficial for you to address and work through them.

Could this part of your worry be a reflection of your inner sense of unworthiness and low self-worth? Do you feel that you may not have the ability to manage this marriage as well as you would like, and that you may not be able to continue to be loved in this marriage?

It's possible that you may unconsciously project this part of yourself onto your husband. For instance, by resenting and harshly criticizing him for possibly betraying you and abandoning you, you may be trying to relieve yourself of the helplessness, panic, unease, and worry caused by your lack of acceptance and self-confidence in your inner self.

It is worth noting that this approach may not necessarily facilitate personal growth or prevent your husband from contacting other people of the opposite sex. It is also important to acknowledge that it cannot guarantee that your husband will not betray you and abandon you.

Perhaps it would be helpful to use this part of your panic and unease to grow and reflect on yourself. You may find that through your own learning and growth, you can enhance your sense of worthiness and self-worth, improve your ability to manage intimate relationships better, and equip yourself with the ability to love and be loved. You might like to consider letting yourself become a good enough lover, and when you are good enough, you may find that you worry less about your husband leaving you. What do you say?

My name is Lily, and I'm the little ear of the Q&A Museum. I just wanted to say that the world and I love you.

Hello! I'm Bai Li Yina, and I'm so excited to be here and share my thoughts with you. I really hope my reply can bring you some warmth and help!

The questioner shared that her husband had been in contact with more women recently because he wanted to start a business. You were very unhappy about their meetings, but you were excited to learn more about how to support him in this venture.

[Situation analysis]

Trust is a cornerstone of any intimate relationship, and while it's not easy to achieve, it's worth the effort! Mistrust often stems from a fear of losing something or someone close to us. The more you care, the more you're naturally curious about what's going on. You wholeheartedly supported your husband's decision to start his own business, and while it might mean coming into contact with many members of the opposite sex, it's an exciting opportunity for both of you! Let me ask, what makes you so afraid of your husband contacting the opposite sex?

[Questions to ponder]

1. What does a successful entrepreneur look like to you?

2. If starting a business takes up all the time you could spend with your family, and there may be financial rewards and compensation in the end, would you be willing? Absolutely!

3. If there is no entrepreneurial income from your husband, are you happy with the current family situation? Are you still a little nervous about his contact with the opposite sex?

4. Have there been any incidents of a trust crisis between you? If not, when did you start to distrust each other?

If so, have you fully let go of the pain from that incident?

I'm excited to share some recommended methods you can try!

You support your husband's entrepreneurial behavior, which is a kind of trust in his abilities. You feel that he may succeed and thus change the family's economic situation, which is very exciting! You disagree with him having close contact with the opposite sex, which is a lack of trust in his character, and in fact has nothing to do with entrepreneurship. Even if he doesn't start a business, as long as he doesn't tell you in advance and sends the opposite sex home, you will still worry. So the worry is always there, but the entrepreneurial thing has amplified your worries, because in business you can't choose the gender of the other person to do business with, which is a great opportunity to learn and grow! I think you know this in your heart, but you just can't control the worry, which is totally normal.

This incident shows that you have a lot of room for growth in trusting your husband. The other party does not give you enough sense of security, so you have the exciting opportunity to explore where this insecurity comes from. Review the bits and pieces of your time together and see which incidents caused you to distrust. Can you negotiate a way to avoid misunderstandings or ways that are prone to distrust? For example, reporting your itinerary in a timely manner and informing in advance can ease your worries and anxieties. If you feel that this is not feasible, then you have the chance to find a way that you can trust within yourself, and then communicate with each other to see if it is feasible.

Ultimately, you need to find a balance within yourself where you can have the possibility of improving the family's financial situation, but also not let yourself be consumed by the anxiety of being afraid of losing your husband. The reason your husband is hiding it may have something to do with your suspicion. If he tells you and you still don't believe him and refuse to agree, then hiding it may become the only option he has. Since starting a business is something that you both approve of, the interpersonal interactions that are necessary for starting a business have become unavoidable—and it's going to be great!

You don't want your husband to have contact with the opposite sex because you are strict, but because you love and care about him, which is why you feel insecure. So, you can express this to your husband, and tell him about your worries and fears. Timely communication is a way to maintain an intimate relationship. There is nothing wrong with expressing your care, but communication is not arguing. Just tell the other person how you feel about such behavior, in order to find a way to get along with each other that makes both of you feel better.

I really hope the above methods can help you!

Change takes time and patience, but it'll be worth it! Don't worry or be afraid. Many people are experiencing or have experienced similar problems, but you can get through this!

The world and I are with you, and we're here to support you every step of the way! I wish you an early solution to the fog in your heart and a path to finding your own most comfortable state.

A big thank you to everyone who has liked and provided feedback! I wish you all peace and joy!

Hello!

I'm Kelly Shui.

My husband is starting a business with a woman. Should I let them have contact?

After reading the question, I suspect you love your husband very much and are confused. You will encounter problems about boundaries in your relationship.

[About marriage]

When we were young, our parents expected a lot from us. From primary school on, we started to think for ourselves.

You have a great husband and a good job. You're ambitious and want to start your own business. You encourage him, and he's ambitious because of you. You think he's doing a good job, and he works hard for your family.

Intimacy in marriage is similar to our relationship with our parents. It's like when our parents say,

You have to study hard, but you also have to play well.

Some parents say their kids aren't sociable but don't let them choose friends.

Such feelings can be very restrictive because they are too vague.

In marriage, we learn and want our partners to succeed.

We also have restrictions on ourselves. After marriage, we cannot have friends of the opposite sex. Otherwise, we will be called unfaithful or not loyal.

These thoughts are normal, but they can affect the relationship.

In marriage, we learn to trust ourselves and our partners. This takes time. Marriage also teaches us to become better versions of ourselves.

When you support your husband in starting a business, you need to communicate and assess the situation. Be prepared for the ups and downs.

[On trust]

In business, you will meet many people.

If they need to discuss things in depth to achieve a goal and it's just a matter of cooperation, I don't think your husband would drive the other person home. Maybe he has his own thoughts and judgments?

Ask your husband if he's doing this to avoid losing face or because it's on the way.

As a couple, you can help him decide if this is the right choice.

Think about why you don't want them to contact each other.

Do you have any worries or concerns? Talk to your husband.

Starting a business is difficult. You have to choose a partner, weigh the pros and cons, prioritize, understand each other's goals, and know the ways of the world.

When you and your husband agree on a bottom line, trust yourself and this marriage, respect each other, and have some space, you may feel more relaxed.

When we trust ourselves, we are free no matter what our husbands do.

We know at all times that "the opposite is true." We blame our parents for being too strict because we like freedom.

If you're more open with your husband, he'll probably talk to you about work. I think he loves you and doesn't want to hurt you.

When he feels your relationship is secure, he'll discuss it with you.

Recommended books: Growing in Relationships, Fearless Anxiety, and The Art of Love.