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My in-laws and husband are both particularly assertive, which greatly affects my mood. How can I adjust?

in-laws disdain family dynamics debt emotional strain
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My in-laws and husband are both particularly assertive, which greatly affects my mood. How can I adjust? By Anonymous | Published on December 18, 2024

My in-laws and husband are both very strong and tend to look down on people. They are very strong, and I have no status in the family. I also often feel that they look down on you, or that they don't care or are disdainful. Basically, my mood is very affected every day, and I don't know how to mediate. I previously lost money in a business and am now in debt, so they have a very bad attitude towards me. Although they don't say it outright, they let it be known from time to time. But basically, I feel that kind of disdainful attitude every day. I live very repressed every day. I don't want to go home for two or three days and try to start a business on my own, but it hasn't had much result, and I haven't made any money. So they feel that you are very incompetent. Basically, you have no say, and no matter what you do, they think it's just so-so. It's whimsical and they don't believe in you. I really don't want to live like this anymore, but now that I have debt, I can't separate from them. I have no choice but to continue putting up with it. But the resentment and hatred in my heart is so great that I can't control it. I feel uncomfortable when I see them, but there's nothing I can

In fact, I know deep down that this kind of marriage of ours may not last long. One day, when I'm not in this state anymore, when I've recovered, or when I've come out of this low period, I definitely won't continue with him, because I can't stand this kind of life, and I can't stand his family either. But there's nothing I can do now. His mother is looking after the kids, so we have to live together. And I can't say anything about this low period, and I'm in no position to say anything either. No one listens to me. But I find that my state of mind is getting worse and worse, and I'm getting more and more resentful. I'm really at my wits' end. Sometimes I want to cheerfully work hard, but their attitude and situation really affect me. After a while, I just don't want to do it anymore, and I lose my motivation. How do I adjust?

Raylan Raylan A total of 8688 people have been helped

I empathize with your circumstances and emotional state.

In the context of a powerful mother-in-law and husband, the experience of feeling complex is compounded when their words and actions affect one's emotions. The resulting feelings of helplessness and depression are significant and require attention. It is important to note that these experiences are not isolated and that there is a need for a collaborative approach to address the situation.

Firstly, it is important to acknowledge that your feelings are genuine and justified. In a supportive environment, individuals frequently perceive a lack of acknowledgment of their value, which can significantly impact their self-confidence and emotional state.

It is crucial to recognize that the attitude of others does not define one's intrinsic value, which is determined by one's own self-perception.

Let us consider an alternative perspective. Imagine that you are a singular seed. Despite the current lack of growth, if you persevere in developing yourself, you will eventually break through the soil and flourish.

It is important to note that the current financial obligations and challenges are merely transient and do not necessarily reflect the future. It is crucial to recognize that individuals who possess true strength are those who demonstrate resilience in the face of adversity, a commitment to continuous learning, and a capacity for personal growth.

In this process, it may be helpful to understand some psychology. Humanistic psychology posits that humans have an inherent need and potential for self-realization. It further asserts that individuals can achieve self-worth as long as they are sufficiently loved and supported.

The psychoanalytic school of thought posits that our emotions and behaviors are frequently driven by deep psychological needs and motives. Only through an understanding of these can we hope to better manage our emotions.

Let us now identify the key features underlying your emotions and behaviors. You perceive a lack of status within the family and frequently experience belittlement from your in-laws and husband. This perception is distressing for you.

Concurrently, you are conscious of the fact that your psychological state is becoming increasingly adverse, accompanied by a growing sense of resentment. This emotional state exerts a further influence on your actions and decisions. In order to effect a change in this situation, it is necessary to identify the root cause, which can be defined as your self-perception and sense of self-worth.

The following section presents a series of recommendations that may prove beneficial for your consideration. It is hoped that these suggestions will prove both inspiring and helpful in enabling you to identify an approach that is aligned with your needs and preferences.

Firstly, it is recommended that an individual attempts to cultivate a more positive relationship with themselves. This may entail setting aside time each day for solitude, listening to one's inner voice, and attempting to discern one's needs and emotions.

Concurrently, it is imperative to cultivate self-care and self-affirmation, and to acknowledge one's intrinsic right to be treated with respect and love.

Secondly, it is recommended that an attempt be made to establish a more egalitarian form of communication with one's in-laws and husband. In the event of a perception of belittlement, it is advised that a direct confrontation be avoided in favour of a more measured and rational expression of feelings and needs.

It is important to remember that the purpose of communication is to resolve issues and not to exacerbate existing conflicts.

Furthermore, it is recommended to seek external support and assistance. This may include discussing one's feelings with friends or relatives or engaging in psychological counseling or therapy activities.

This will assist in developing a more nuanced understanding of one's inner world and in identifying effective solutions to the challenges one is facing.

In conclusion, it is important to note that life will inevitably present challenges and fluctuations in mood. However, maintaining a positive outlook and a strong sense of conviction can facilitate the ability to overcome these obstacles.

It is my conviction that you possess the requisite courage and wisdom to confront these challenges and emerge from your current situation.

In conclusion, it is imperative to maintain an unwavering belief in one's inherent value and capabilities. It is crucial to remain undeterred by external evaluations and attitudes, and to consistently advocate for self-growth and advancement.

Concurrently, you will also gain the ability to cultivate more harmonious and egalitarian relationships with yourself and others. It is our hope that you will be able to live the life you desire and find your own happiness in the days to come.

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Jeanette Jeanette A total of 9365 people have been helped

In the face of the strong-willed attitudes of in-laws and a spouse, the pressure of debt, and the resulting negative emotions, it is possible to regulate one's emotions in order to regain inner peace and strength.

It is important to begin by establishing a fundamental understanding: emotions can be managed and regulated. It is a fallacy to assume that emotions are the sole determinants of our actions; rather, they are a component of our experience that we can comprehend and influence.

In the event of feeling ignored or belittled, it is advisable to refrain from immediate action and instead take a moment to compose oneself. During this interval, it may be beneficial to attempt to "detach" one's emotions from the event itself, viewing them as a discrete phenomenon.

Events themselves are neutral; it is our emotional responses that imbue them with emotional color. It is advisable to view these events with a more objective eye and to resist the influence of our emotions.

Let us examine some methods for regulating emotions collectively. The initial method is the "emotion diary."

It is recommended that a period of time be set aside on a daily basis for the purpose of recording feelings, thoughts, and experiences. This process can facilitate a more profound comprehension of one's emotions and assist in identifying their underlying sources.

Concurrently, through the processes of review and reflection, one can discern patterns of emotional change, thereby facilitating more accurate prediction and regulation of emotions.

In addition to maintaining an emotion diary, it is also possible to employ specific emotion regulation techniques. These include meditation and breathing exercises.

One may find it beneficial to locate a tranquil setting, close one's eyes, and concentrate on one's respiration. This practice has been demonstrated to facilitate relaxation and alleviate stress.

As the individual breathes, they may visualize expelling negative emotions from their body and inhaling positive energy. This process may assist in calming emotions and returning to a state of inner peace.

Furthermore, emotional release is an efficacious method. When an individual experiences depression, it is recommended that they engage in an activity that allows them to release their emotions.

As an illustration, one may choose to locate an open space and engage in vocalization, crying, or even striking an object such as a pillow. These actions can assist in the release of internal pressure and the reduction of emotional burden.

Additionally, one may engage in creative activities such as painting, writing, or music composition to transform inner feelings into works of art, thereby achieving emotional release.

In addition to these considerations, it is also important to attend to one's emotional management skills. This entails, first and foremost, emotional awareness.

It is essential to gain an understanding of one's own emotional type, the factors that trigger emotional responses, and the manner in which emotions are expressed. Through observation and reflection, individuals can gradually identify their emotional patterns and identify an emotional regulation method that is most suitable for them.

The second is "emotional expression." When one experiences feelings of discontent or resentment, it is advisable to refrain from remaining silent or tolerating the situation. Instead, it is beneficial to express one's emotions and needs in a constructive and positive manner.

Furthermore, this will facilitate the acquisition of understanding and support from others, as well as the development of healthier relationships.

In addition to the aforementioned methods, it is crucial to emphasise the importance of maintaining a positive attitude throughout the process of emotional regulation. Despite the numerous difficulties and challenges one may face, it is essential to have confidence in one's abilities and potential.

One can adopt the mindset that they will overcome the difficulties they are facing and emerge from the challenging situation. This positive outlook can assist in better coping with challenges and maintaining inner balance and stability.

In conclusion, it is essential to recognise that each individual's circumstances are distinct. Consequently, it is vital to select an emotional regulation method that aligns with one's specific circumstances. Additionally, it is crucial to acknowledge the potential benefits of seeking professional assistance.

Should one find oneself unable to cope with negative emotions or psychological stress in the absence of professional assistance, it is advisable to seek the guidance of a psychologist or counselor. These professionals are equipped with the expertise and training to provide informed advice and support, facilitating the navigation of challenging circumstances and the pursuit of a more fulfilling future.

In essence, when confronted with a robust familial environment and the burden of financial obligation, it becomes imperative to identify an effective emotional regulation strategy that aligns with one's individual needs. By cultivating an understanding of one's emotions, fostering self-worth and self-confidence, prioritizing self-growth, and maintaining a positive outlook, it is possible to gradually emerge from the depths of distress and regain inner peace and strength.

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Patricianne Patricianne A total of 803 people have been helped

Hello!

Your in-laws and husband are both very dominant and look down on people. You don't have much status in the family, and you can often feel like they're looking down on you. Your mood is affected, and you start to resent them.

Sometimes you want to put in the work, but the other person's attitude can really affect your motivation.

I know you're going through a rough patch and feeling pretty down. It's tough, but I'm here to support you. I hope this hug from afar can bring you some warmth and comfort.

Apart from getting a divorce, what else can you do to get rid of the depression? Unfortunately, you can't get a divorce now.

If you get divorced and you're still unable to earn any money and are still in debt, won't that just make your situation even worse? Fortunately, your husband still earns a little money, so you can still afford to live your usual life.

You have someone to take care of your child, and at least real life can continue. Now that you have a guarantee, there is still a possibility that you can realize your dreams in the future. The road isn't completely dead-end; there's still some hope.

I thought you'd be unable to do anything, but you said that even in this very depressing state, you still want to try starting a business next. I think you're pretty great. You haven't made any money yet, but you have ideas and are willing to work hard, which means there's hope, and you're on the road to hope.

No matter what the outcome of the effort will be, having a bright light at the end of the road is a great motivator. We'll keep pushing forward, encouraging each other, and staying the course.

You feel your husband and mother-in-law are very strong and have a disdainful attitude towards you, which you believe is rooted in their ability to earn money. You think your mother-in-law and husband look down on you because you are in debt and not earning money at the moment.

If you can solve the income problem within a year, your mother-in-law and husband will stop giving you a hard time after a year. So what should you do during that time?

What should you avoid doing during the year? Write it down in two columns and follow this plan from now on. Let's do it!

The well-known psychological "scar experiment" shows that if people believe they have a scar on their face (even though they don't), they will feel hatred and disgust towards others. Others reflect back to us what we feel, and what we project out is what we feel.

Ultimately, we are our own worst critics.

I suppose that, because you lost money in business, you now think you are worthless.

You can't command respect anymore, and even if you try hard, you don't deserve love, so you don't even bother trying. You've lost confidence in yourself, and you think you're useless and incompetent. This is a denial of yourself.

If you think you're worthless, a failure, and helpless, you're probably going to feel looked down upon by your in-laws.

Family isn't a competition. It's not just about winning and losing. It's about love and dedication. As long as you know what you should do, just go ahead and do it.

We're adults, so we can handle criticism and accusations. We can move forward with the burden, bit by bit.

It doesn't matter if you get divorced or not. What matters is that you take the time to get to know yourself again, pick yourself up, and get better. Don't judge yourself based on your income alone. Believe in your own value.

We give ourselves permission to be who we were and who we are now. We can't change what happened in the past, but we can choose how we act in the present.

I think the world would agree with me when I say that we should all love ourselves a bit more. And I'm not just saying that – I really do think the world and I love you, and you should love yourself too.

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Comments

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Ping Davis Learning is the adventure of exploring the uncharted territories of the mind.

I can relate to feeling undervalued and the frustration that comes with it. It's important to remember your worth isn't tied to their opinions. Maybe it's time to focus on personal growth and finding strength within yourself.

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Alexis Thomas The patience of a teacher is a well - spring that quenches the thirst of students' inquisitiveness.

Feeling like you're in a constant battle for respect is exhausting. Have you considered seeking support outside of your family, like friends or a counselor? Sometimes an external perspective can provide new insights and coping strategies.

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Drew Jordan The learned are those who have drunk deeply from the fountains of various branches of knowledge.

It sounds incredibly tough. I wonder if there are local resources or community groups where you could connect with others facing similar challenges. Sharing experiences might help you feel less isolated and more supported.

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Rosalind Miller We grow as we learn to use our growth to make a positive impact on the world.

The situation must be really hard. If starting a business is something you're passionate about, maybe look into workshops or online courses to gain skills and confidence. Building up your own success can change their perceptions over time.

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Zoe Thomas A teacher's dedication is like a lighthouse beam, constant and unwavering.

You shouldn't have to endure this daily. Perhaps setting small, achievable goals for yourself can help rebuild your selfesteem. Celebrating little victories might start shifting the dynamics within the family.

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