My leader is always contradicting me, which makes me depressed and lacking in self-confidence. What should I do?

Leaders can influence us in ways that affect our interactions with them. It's understandable that these encounters can lead to feelings of depression. To make a change, it might be helpful to consider how we can alter our encounters with leaders and the dynamic between us.

To solve a problem, it is first necessary to understand it. If the problem itself is unclear, it can be likened to looking for a needle in a haystack, which makes it difficult to get started.

Leadership is a reflection of you, but it is only the appearance, the result. There may be specific reasons and concrete thoughts beyond dissatisfaction and disgust. For example, it could be a performance evaluation caused by work ability, or an impression caused by colleague relationships. You have ruled out these two aspects, but you may wish to consider determining the cause of dissatisfaction.

Chairman Mao once said, "There is no love without a reason, and no hatred without a reason." If the reason cannot be determined, it may be challenging to identify a clear direction for efforts.

Perhaps it would be helpful to try to determine what the real problem is. What causes her thoughts and actions? It seems that enduring such inexplicable encounters will only temporarily calm the situation, but it is not sustainable or beneficial from any perspective.

It would be unrealistic to expect things to suddenly improve without any apparent reason.

It seems that this problem can only be confirmed with the leader. However, the current relationship may not be sufficient for direct questioning, and even if she does ask, she may not receive a satisfactory response. It's possible that she has no incentive to change her mind. Could there be a chance of improving the relationship?

Could it be that the colleague who is goofing off has never been scolded because they are on good terms? Would it be possible for you to create the opportunity to seize this possibility?

Even if there is no immediate effect, if you can fight for a chance to communicate and identify the real problem, you will be one step closer to possible change. Work is about working with others. It is important to remember that people are equally important, especially leaders.

If someone doesn't challenge you, it's not necessarily because they agree with you. They may simply feel that there's room for improvement in the way you usually interact with your leader. It's important to remember that if they're judging you based on the assumption that your relationship is already strained, it's not necessarily a reflection of your actions.

Naturally, this is contingent upon your willingness to embrace the challenge, strive to resolve the situation under pressure, focus on the core issue in the face of injustice and anger, and meet the demands of your current position.

In addition, there is no inherent virtue or vice in continuing to endure, cultivate one's character, ask to be transferred to another department, or respond with confrontation or resignation. The choice of approach depends on one's personal circumstances and preferences.

I hope you find happiness in your endeavors.

I feel for the person who asked the question. I can sense the depression, annoyance, and discomfort in their heart. When you're faced with direct supervisors who openly mock you and subtly ridicule you, it's hard to express yourself. You can't stop it, either. You can only try to bear it, and it's not a good feeling.

There's a saying about the workplace: "The workplace is like a battlefield." It really captures the essence of the workplace. I've been around the block a few times, so I can tell you that it's like a battlefield. You've got your own teammates, but you've also got your opponents.

The thing is, people can change. Close colleagues might become rivals, and rivals might become colleagues who need to work together.

The workplace is part of society, so it has its own set of rules. In the workplace, it's a dog-eat-dog world. But that doesn't mean there aren't other rules at play. For instance, there's the idea of "connections." As the old saying goes, "it is good to have someone in the court to be an official." In other words, the relationship between the questioner's direct supervisor and another colleague can affect how the supervisor treats that colleague. There will be obvious differences in work requirements and attitudes towards the questioner. This problem has probably been around since ancient times, or it could be that society is okay with it.

Facing this situation, the questioner is really down. He's done a good job and worked hard, but he's being mocked. His colleague, on the other hand, doesn't do a good job but isn't mocked. This obvious difference in treatment really makes him uncomfortable. How should he deal with this situation? He needs to get his priorities straight, figure out who he's working for and why, adjust his attitude towards himself and his work, and his expectations of work, and do what he wants to do and is able to do.

It's a choice between focusing on the uncomfortable things or on how to improve your work ability. This requires some deep thinking. Plus, if the questioner is feeling this distressed, it might be a sign that the relationship with the leader could be better or that the questioner is only focused on doing their own work and not paying attention to the boss or building a relationship with them.

Then, they should think about what kind of attitude and approach they usually have towards this boss. Do they truly treat her as a leader? If not, they need to become aware of their thoughts and feelings, and then adjust their attitude and approach towards the boss to improve their relationship.

Supervisors like subordinates who are competent and follow orders. In many cases, following orders is more important than competence. Why is that? It's like going to war. The general gives orders on how to fight, but if the subordinates don't follow orders and do things on their own, it shows that they don't respect or recognize the general. It also means that the general won't be able to win the battle. Not only will the general's other subordinates not follow orders, but it could also lead to unexpected situations in the overall battle. Therefore, on the battlefield, the general's demand of his subordinates is absolute obedience, except in some cases.

It's the same in the workplace. Supervisors expect their subordinates to get things done quickly, efficiently, and with high quality. If subordinates don't follow instructions and do things their own way, supervisors feel like their authority is being challenged and that they're not being respected and recognized.

Your workplace relationships can also be a great way to grow and develop. They can help you become a better, more well-rounded person more quickly. This is one of the best things about working in an office. But, like anything, the workplace has its pros and cons. It's up to you to decide how to make the most of it.

Dear questioner, You feel depressed and angry. You think your direct supervisor is always criticizing you. This makes you doubt yourself. You feel frustrated. You try to prove yourself through hard work. But there's a colleague who skips work but never gets scolded. This makes you angry.

You've been at work for a year. Your boss is always criticizing you. It makes you feel depressed and negative. You doubt yourself. You're frustrated. You're trying to prove yourself through hard work. But there's a colleague who skips work but gets along with the boss. This makes you angry.

How do you handle your relationship with your leader? What do you do when your leader criticizes you?

01

Most people have two bad ways of dealing with criticism.

1. Defending and attacking.

2. Internalization mode: self-attack.

People get anxious after being criticized. They try to relieve this anxiety by rationalizing it.

You want to change, but feel like you can't. This makes you anxious and leads to self-blame and self-deprecation. You also focus on your emotions, which makes you feel depressed and angry.

Instead of focusing on how to improve your relationship with your boss.

02

When you are criticized, you often feel bad. But you're not sensitive to all criticism.

Maybe you don't like criticism because you know you're not doing a good job. But you're not ready to admit it. For example, if your boss says you don't work well, you should disagree. You think you're doing okay and you want to take control. So when your boss says this, you don't believe it.

Self-affirmation is the degree to which you understand your abilities and state. The stronger your self-affirmation, the more you can withstand criticism. Firstly, you know your strengths and won't doubt yourself when faced with criticism. Secondly, you know your weaknesses and can focus on fixing them when you make a mistake.

03

How can I face criticism from the leader better?

We can become more self-aware and accept ourselves better.

1. Know that when I blame myself, I'm just sad or angry.

2 Find the reason: When the leader criticizes me and I feel sad, it's because I hope he'll recognize me.

3. Dig deeper: I secretly hope I'm perfect and capable.

4 Belief breakthrough: It's unrealistic to think I can become a perfect workplace expert in one year.

5 Self-recognition: I'm not as good as I could be, but that's me.

6 Self-acceptance: I'm a first-year student, so I'm not good at my work yet.

7Sublimation: That colleague who is always goofing off is not good at work, but he is good at interacting with people. If I learn from him, it will help my career.

Your leader's criticism and blame are valuable. They help you practice self-affirmation and get to know yourself better.

Use the feeling of being attacked to see and accept more of yourself. Break through delusions and live more easily and authentically.

I hope this helps. Good luck!

In the workplace, people are mostly competitive with each other, whether it's colleagues or superiors and subordinates. You're very nice and easygoing. Whether he's your colleague or your superior, he may hope that you work hard, strive to improve, and take responsibility. However, he doesn't want you to be better, better, or more brilliant than him because that will make him feel a sense of crisis. He'll only feel at ease if you're very good but not as good as him. Otherwise, he'll either improve himself or suppress you.

I think this is probably why they say that "a tree with showy leaves is sure to have them blown off by the wind."

I'd like to share a quote from the TV series City of Dreams that I think you'll find helpful.

In the workplace, you've got to figure out your position: ordinary employee, core employee, or marginal employee.

Another tricky aspect of the workplace is navigating competitive relationships. These can be challenging because they involve the interests and futures of both parties.

It's important to figure out if you and your boss are on the same page. If you're both enterprising and determined, you're a great match. But if you're both conservative and looking for stability, you're probably not a good fit.

A mature ear of wheat knows how to bend with the wind.

Chen Simin is a veteran in his 50s. He just wants to settle down in his position as director of economics and retire peacefully. He needs subordinates who are not too capable and won't challenge his position.

Hello, questioner.

From your description, it's clear that your leader has a pattern of criticizing you in an ambiguous way without mentioning your name. This is unacceptable and has a negative impact on your confidence. I believe you have every right to feel this way. I would feel the same way if I were in your shoes, and I understand your frustration.

Your leader is not someone who likes to speak frankly. He always likes to stir things up behind people's backs. He is not suitable to be a leader. A person's position as a leader may depend on their ability, but in such a society, most leaders have a direct family relationship or some kind of connection with the boss.

It's clear that your boss's behaviour has affected you. You've even started to doubt yourself and your abilities. You said your abilities are OK, which is true. But why does he have such a big prejudice against you? Have you analysed the reasons?

Your leader may dislike some of your actions and disapprove of them. It's possible that your position in the company is threatening him. If this is the case, you can directly ask why he is treating you this way or find a suitable way to communicate with the leader. Everyone is here to work and contribute their strength to the company. If there is a problem, you can solve it directly rather than using emotions to make things difficult for the employee.

When you encounter a problem, first resolve your emotions. See your own emotions, don't deny yourself. If you really don't have a problem, then it means this is the leader's problem. The leader may have some other thoughts about you. Of course, you need to actively communicate with the leader. Communication is also a language and an art. You can express your thoughts and needs, but don't speak emotionally. I am certain that if you sincerely communicate with the leader, the leader will be able to see your position, be willing to communicate with you, and be willing to solve problems with you. Then he will also change for sure.

I am confident that my answer is helpful.

Hello, host! You have made great efforts in the workplace, and you are doing a fantastic job! However, you have to face a leader who always criticizes and blames you. It is really hard to make someone feel good, but you can do it!

It sounds like your leader's words are very rude, and your mood has been affected as a result. It's really not easy to work in such a work environment, but you can do it!

So, how do you deal with this kind of workplace environment?

1. Embrace the reality!

First, you need to know that it is indeed very difficult to seek fairness in the workplace. But don't fret! The workplace is mostly ruled by the rule of man rather than the rule of law, so you can take control by understanding the leader's personal likes and dislikes. Once you know what they are, you can work around them.

The leader is an objective existence for the employees, or rather the environment. Of course, there are also good leaders who are eager to seek talent and are willing to serve as Bo Le. However, most leaders have the natural weaknesses of human beings, and it is likely that you don't know what you have offended her about or made her uncomfortable with. This means you have the opportunity to learn and grow! You can become the one who is often picked on, or you can become the one who is sought out for their talents and willing to serve as Bo Le.

It is almost impossible for an individual to change the environment. But there is a solution! All we can do is adapt to the environment. When you look at it clearly and accept this reality internally, you may not feel as bad every time you get criticized.

2. Adjust your mindset

The relationship between leaders and employees is essentially a relationship. And as long as there is a problem with the relationship, there is one golden rule: whoever is suffering will change!

Sometimes, newcomers may feel unfair treatment, but it's important to remember that things may not be as one-sided as they seem. It's always a great idea to look at the problem from an outside perspective to gain a fresh insight!

For example, take a close look at what the leader wants from you and from the people on your team. What can you do to make sure you're meeting those expectations? You can also ask the more experienced employees in the unit for advice on how you can improve in the workplace.

If you are more assertive, you can even ask the leader directly and seriously about what you are not doing well enough. This is a great way to build a stronger relationship with your leader. Leaders generally have a good impression of young subordinates who are humble enough, so this move will really help improve the relationship.

Once you've bounced back from that bad mood and solved the problem of improving your work and relationships, your inner feelings will change in a big way!

3. Strive to grow!

No matter what kind of leader, they all want outstanding work performance in their department. So, if you can take the lead in your work, you'll be a star!

That's why there's a saying in the workplace: You've got to be capable to get ahead!

If you can become irreplaceable in your field, excel at solving difficult problems, and come up with solutions that your leaders appreciate when the department encounters difficulties, you'll be on your way to becoming the star employee your company needs!

When you are heavy enough and score high enough, the leader will consider whether you are happy at work. This is great because it shows that you're a valuable employee!

You said that you are more motivated and handle more problems than others at work, which is fantastic! It seems that although you have only been employed for a year, you are already very serious and dedicated, which is a great foundation. I believe that given time, and when you work hard to further your professional development, someone like you will not be overlooked for long.

And finally, I wish you the absolute best for the future!

I wish you the absolute best for the future!

Greetings,

One can empathize with the questioner's situation and perceive the considerable mental pressure that she is experiencing.

The questioner strives to perform their duties in an exemplary manner, yet consistently faces criticism that attributes shortcomings to others while overlooking their own contributions. The advice and feedback provided by the other individual is perceived as insincere, and the questioner experiences recurring bouts of depression and a sense of being suffocated.

Furthermore, in a group setting, if one individual is consistently the subject of discussion while others are not, it can lead to feelings of isolation and inadequacy. Given that work is a collaborative endeavor, it is essential to have the support of the team.

It is not feasible for an individual to indefinitely suppress their emotions in a professional setting.

In conclusion, the questioner stated, "Upon receiving disciplinary action, I instruct myself to refrain from internalizing the criticism."

This paragraph evokes a sense of sadness. Each time one does not take the criticism to heart, one chooses to reiterate the issue. When writing about one's thoughts, there is an original intention to express one's innermost feelings and to heal oneself through writing.

As one becomes more intimately acquainted with one's own emotions, it becomes increasingly evident that the overwhelming anger has not been effectively dispelled, but rather, it persists in its original form.

The questioner has endeavored to cultivate tolerance, yet remaining open-minded entails neither the loss nor the suppression of one's emotions. The only path to composure and openness is the acceptance of one's feelings.

This is, undoubtedly, an exasperating and vexing circumstance.

It is essential to evolve one's interpersonal dynamics in a gradual and deliberate manner. As an illustration, an individual who is frequently subjected to criticism should endeavor to assume a more proactive stance, seeking guidance and support from their immediate supervisor.

It is advisable to ignore any comments that are perceived to be unfair. It is also beneficial to look for positive feedback in the workplace and in social situations.

In external collaborations, it is important to demonstrate one's ability to work effectively in a professional setting.

Furthermore, one must endeavor to become increasingly indifferent to the opinions of one's colleagues.

At some point, you may observe that her comments remain unchanged. However, you have become indifferent to this.

Furthermore, she will no longer bother to say it.

It is not a matter of adhering to her words and denying one's own identity. Rather, it is about comprehending the linguistic patterns of the other person, avoiding the peculiar cycle set by her linguistic patterns, and breaking free.

It is recommended that the following Japanese dramas be viewed as a source of inspiration for those seeking career advancement: "Hanzawa Naoki," Parts 1 and 2.

His fundamental premise is that individuals who are genuinely sincere will inevitably flourish.