My mother behaves like a complainer, brimming with negative energy. How should I deal with my mother?

Good day, question asker. I am pleased to discuss your question with you.

From the description of the questioner, it can be seen that the questioner's mother has a strong desire for control over the questioner, but this always results in negative emotions for the questioner. The questioner feels very helpless and experiences headaches, right? It would be beneficial to ascertain whether the questioner's father has communicated effectively with the questioner's mother at home.

What factors contribute to the questioner's mother exhibiting such a negative emotional disposition? Apart from these negative traits, were there any positive attributes she displayed?

Please describe the mother's behavior and communication style outside the home. Please describe the mother's behavior and communication style within the home.

Please clarify whether she was treated similarly by her family when she was a child. It is evident that the current behavior of the questioner's mother is a direct result of her upbringing in her biological family.

It is possible that the questioner's mother was subjected to excessive pressure from her original family, resulting in neglect of her spiritual needs, disregard for her emotional needs, and even suppression of her emotional expression. This may have contributed to the mother's current behavior.

Due to the nature of the questions posed by the OP on this platform, we are unable to engage in a comprehensive discussion on the OP's queries. I can, however, provide some concise guidance on the aforementioned questions.

It is important to understand the way your mother treats you.

Please clarify why the mother in the family treats the questioner in this way. Please also confirm whether the mother's education and control of the questioner also came from being treated in this way when she was a child.

It may be due to external factors. It is possible that your mother's generation had significant challenges in meeting basic survival needs, leaving them with limited opportunities to develop skills in parenting, education, or household management.

It is likely that the questioner's parents were also rarely cared for in a nuanced way and were also treated like the questioner when they were children. As a result, when parents grow up, they may bring the trauma of their original family into the family they form, and unconsciously repeat the same mistakes.

It is important to recognise that no parents or families are perfect. It is possible that parents may have experienced inappropriate education and demands during their own childhoods, which could result in them developing fixed beliefs about how they should respond to certain situations. This is often due to the limitations of life and the subtle influence of past experiences. It is also possible that the treatment they received during their own childhoods may be transferred to their children, or that they may seek the treatment they believe their children should receive.

It is important to express the pain you are experiencing and to share it with others.

Should the questioner be able to reconcile with this childhood experience at some point in the future, they may wish to consider sharing the details of the past event. This could be done in written form on the Internet, or with family and friends or a counselor.

If you are not inclined to engage in conversation with others, you may also consider speaking with pets, plants, or dolls. However, if circumstances allow, we strongly recommend that the individual seeking guidance seek professional counseling from a psychologist. The Yi Xinli platform also offers the option of connecting with someone to share your emotions. It may be that only by expressing your feelings can you begin to release the negative emotions associated with your childhood experiences.

When interacting with your father, express your emotions in a clear and assertive manner. Based on the questioner's description, it appears that the questioner tends to internalize his mother's negative emotions and may not fully recognize her positive attributes. Therefore, I recommend that, if you do have emotions, you should express them directly and without causing harm to your parents while also sharing your true thoughts and feelings.

Should emotions arise and you wish to take action, it is important to be fully aware of your intentions. What is it that you wish to express?

What emotions do I wish to release? Will the method of release cause harm to my mother?

Additionally, you may identify an activity that allows you to release these negative emotions in a constructive manner, without causing harm to your mother. In the event that these emotions arise, it is recommended that you take a deep breath, count to ten mentally, and determine the best course of action.

It is important to learn to accept yourself.

It is important to pursue your interests and identify your life's goals and meaning in the activities you enjoy. Accept your personality and circumstances as they are, and engage in activities that bring you joy when you are feeling low.

It is important to prioritize your own happiness, including the occasional indulgence in a sweet treat. These foods have a positive effect on our bodies and minds, and they can also contribute to our overall sense of well-being. It is essential to ensure that our actions do not negatively impact others while pursuing our own happiness.

It is important to avoid allowing negative emotions to take over your life.

It is my hope that this response will prove helpful to the individual who posed the question.

Dear Questioner, After reviewing your description of the issue, I believe the distress caused by your mother can be attributed to the following factors:

Negative energy is the result of a buildup of negative emotions within an individual, leading to a negative mindset. Positive individuals experience a range of negative emotions, including fear, worry, doubt, anxiety, jealousy, resentment, and possessiveness. These emotions and consciousness are a form of negative energy that can negatively impact an individual's well-being.

The relative nature of positive and negative energy is important to consider when facing the pressures and trials of life. When positive energy is in the ascendant, it can promote personal progress and inspire the good in human nature to do good. Conversely, when negative energy is in the ascendant, it can hinder personal progress and inspire the bad in human nature to do evil. These dynamics are all trivial matters in life. If they accumulate too much, it is inevitable that one will become emotional and complain. The fundamental source is the desire in the heart.

For example, I am unable to obtain items such as money, authority, desired objects, and individuals. Despite this, I exhibit laziness, frequently attributing blame to others and expressing discontent about perceived inequities in the world. I persist in seeking more and continue to express dissatisfaction.

The mother may have been born and raised in an environment where mistreatment was the norm. Her grandparents' indifference and abandonment have left her with a history of trauma, resulting in a significant accumulation of negative emotions and energy. This is an example of psychological trauma that originated in the family of origin.

I would like to make the following suggestions:

1: Learn to differentiate between issues. Distinguishing between issues means identifying which issue belongs to whom. A mother's trauma can only be addressed by her independently. As children, we cannot avoid spending time with our mothers, but we are not responsible for their trauma. We can only be held accountable for things within our control, and we are not responsible for other things.

It is important to communicate effectively with and provide support to our mothers.

Given the slow passage of time, it is important to maintain a positive outlook. Negative energy can exacerbate physical and mental illness. By supporting your mother in a positive manner, you can help yourself and her simultaneously. As you grow up, your parents will grow old. If you accompany them well now, you can communicate effectively with your mother about previous traumas, encourage her to face them head-on, and help her overcome negative emotions. You can also suggest that she learn more about psychological knowledge and meditation exercises on a psychological platform. These actions will benefit both of you.

3. Cultivate your own independence.

It is important to remember that, whether we are at home with our mother or back at school, she is still our closest family member. However, we must also understand that our task is to become independent, to become a complete person, to improve our character, to become mentally and personally independent, to develop the habit of independent thinking, to cultivate our own opinions, to not be influenced by anyone, and to treat others' opinions as suggestions that we can choose to listen to or not. In addition, we must be aware that mothers with negative emotions require a different approach. In such cases, it is important to enlighten, communicate, and accompany them. The key is that we are responsible for ourselves.

I hope these suggestions are helpful to the original poster.

Good day, question asker. I can discern the confusion you are currently experiencing, and I extend to you a gesture of comfort.

It is evident that you are currently facing some familial challenges. Allow me to extend another gesture of support and encouragement in the form of a warm embrace.

We will now proceed to an analysis of the problem.

1.) It is important to learn to distinguish whose business it really is.

(A change of heart) This book posits that there are three fundamental categories of knowledge: our own affairs, other people's affairs, and the affairs of heaven.

Given that your mother divorced your father, it is understandable that you have become the person she is closest to.

Mothers will often voice their concerns to their children because they are aware that the family is a place where emotions are expressed, rather than a setting for logical debate.

In regard to your mother's complaints, it would be advisable to simply accept them without dwelling on them, to listen attentively, and to refrain from taking them personally.

2. Allow your mother to engage in productive activities.

If you encountered your neighbors recently, you could inquire about the regularity of activities organized by the neighborhood committee in your community. You could then request that they extend an invitation to your mother to participate in an upcoming activity.

When your mother has other obligations, she will not devote her full attention to you.

3.) It is recommended that you strive for your own financial independence as soon as possible.

The questioner's age is unknown. However, it may be reasonably assumed that they are an adult.

If one is an adult, then one can pursue gainful employment and strive for financial independence as soon as possible.

Upon attaining financial independence, one can choose to live independently, rather than with one's mother.

4.) The mother's current situation is related to her own family of origin.

The mother in question was raised in an environment lacking affection and positive emotional support, which has likely contributed to her current tendency to express dissatisfaction.

It seems reasonable to posit that she does not desire this state of affairs.

It would be beneficial for you to learn to empathise with your mother's situation, to spend more time with her, and to provide her with the care and attention she requires at the appropriate times.

It is possible that if she were to experience your love, she would be less inclined to complain.

It is my sincere hope that the issue you are currently experiencing can be resolved in the near future.

At this juncture, I am only able to offer these suggestions.

It is my sincere hope that my above response is both helpful and inspiring to you. As the respondent, I endeavor to study diligently on a daily basis.

At Yixinli, we extend our warmest regards to all our esteemed customers and wish you the best of success.