My mother never noticed my needs and never met them.

Your family, your mother, and your husband are all targeting you. It doesn't matter who did something wrong, you're the first one to blame. You've made a thousand mistakes and caused them all. Your status in the family is low. Why is there such a difference in status?

This is often due to the original family, personal character, or one's own choices. If a person enters into marriage without careful consideration, it can ruin their happiness for the rest of their lives. We can also see that there is a long line of people waiting to get a divorce at the civil affairs bureau after the New Year. Everyone knows that getting married is not necessarily for happiness, but getting a divorce is very likely for happiness.

A person's happiness in a marriage and in the family can be completely felt. Many people don't want to go home, and the Spring Festival is a big reason for this. In the old home, it seems that warmth is lacking. Instead, there is coercion, control, urging to get married, to be born, to mature, and sarcasm and comparisons. These things make people lose the self-confidence they have stored up over the year. Their souls are hollowed out.

We can also see what our families are like. It's clear that you've been controlled by your mother's verbal and physical violence since you were a child. Such violence is harmful and powerless for your growth. It can destroy your confidence, obliterate your personality, and obliterate some of your unique ideas. In that case, you may still be affected by the past when you become an adult.

This will continue to have a lasting effect on your life. When your rights are violated, there is no way to defend them. It's like many things are not your fault, but your mother and husband will think otherwise. They will make you take responsibility, even though you are the reasonable party. There is no reasonable way to solve the problem.

If both sides don't come forward to point out the problem and resolve it reasonably, you will undoubtedly be miserable in the future. Your needs will continue to be ignored. It's time to find a way in to get your mother and your husband to take you seriously. Show them that you are not a pushover anymore and that you can fight back if they bully you.

If your husband is not doing well, you need to explain where he is not doing well and provide evidence. You also need to lay out your mother's disregard for you. If the other person is unable to understand you, then it is best to slowly distance yourself from the relationship. Don't stay with someone who doesn't love you. This is a more difficult thing to solve, but you can do it. I still recommend that you undergo the necessary long-term psychological counseling, make some adjustments to your own personality and values, and be able to bravely defend your rights.

Make plans for your future happiness. If the other person always pre-empts you by saying you are wrong, you need to point out their mistakes more quickly and back them up with evidence. Get through these days. If you can't, go to marriage counseling or take other measures. As a professional heart exploration coach, I recommend you read "What Have You Been Through: Conversations on Trauma, Healing, and Resilience," "You Are Your Own Psychologist," and "Growing Up Again: Embracing Your Inner Child" to find your own energy and protect yourself. Good luck.

ZQ?

Dear questioner, I hug you and I am certain that my reply will help and support you.

In your original family, you didn't feel your mother's love or receive her support. In your marriage, your husband also blames you. This situation is distressing, isn't it? You are so lonely. It's not difficult to receive the care of others. It's not your fault. Why do I always get hurt?

Everyone wants to be seen and supported, but also to protect themselves. This often leads to blaming others, even though it makes them feel better. After all these years, your complaints have made you feel even more powerless. Others have not changed either. It's time to go back to your heart and ask yourself what you really want.

You say you have a bad relationship with your mother and want her to be like you. You need to know that the first step to change is to accept yourself. You should listen to your mother's advice. Your mother also knows that there are differences in communication with you, so she supports you in her own unique way.

You haven't achieved the result you want, but she knows the sadness behind it.

All changes must be addressed at the root. If you did not receive love in your childhood in your original family, you will keep demanding it in your marriage. If your partner cannot heal the other person, it will cause pain to both parties. If you treat your partner as the perfect parent, it is painful. In fact, love has always been there; we just need to learn to perceive it.

First, learn to love yourself, fall in love with yourself. We will all face loneliness in our lives, and the only way to overcome it is to please yourself and make yourself loveable. Others also need the nourishment of love, and love needs to flow. Take your time. You dare to ask for help, and you also want to change and accept the temporary state.

Accepting oneself means accepting one's limitations, one's inability to do things, and one's dark side. This is a human weakness that everyone has to face. The most powerful thing you can do is accept yourself fully.

Love is always by your side. Appreciate the people around you who love you, even if they show their love in a different way.

Dear author, The present is a positive one. It is important to be grateful for the encounter.

From your written words, I can discern your inner longing for your mother to care for you, as well as your confusion and even anger at her behavior. You may even have questioned whether this woman is truly your biological mother.

"How could you do this to me?" Is that your assertion? Let us discuss this matter together.

1. It is not possible for everyone to provide others with what they themselves lack.

Your description evokes parallels with my own upbringing and the insights presented in Zhou Liyuan's book, "You are your child's best original family." In her interpretation of the book at the Yixin Reading Club, Ms. Zhou Liyuan elucidates how the majority of parents from our generation tend to prioritize strictness within their families over politeness towards external individuals. This phenomenon can be attributed to the collective living experiences of our ancestors, shaped by the necessity to survive.

Furthermore, the majority of parents have not pursued formal education in psychology or related fields. They have employed a narrow range of parenting techniques that have been in use for generations. Consequently, they have also experienced a lack of attention from their parents, unmet needs, and a lack of understanding of their inner selves.

The absence of this quality in themselves precludes their ability to bestow it upon others. It is not that they do not love, but rather, the manner in which they express their love is incongruent with one's own desires.

Consequently, when a dispute arises between you and your husband, your mother will initially assert that you are in the wrong and inquire about your husband's well-being. This approach is also driven by her hope that your husband will first regain his composure. Given that your husband's emotions are readily discernible, it is essential to allow him the space to process them in a more tolerant manner.

It is evident that the mother in question does, in fact, possess a degree of affection for her daughter. However, the daughter's perception of the mother's attitude and actions may not align with this sentiment. The daughter may feel that the mother does not value her, does not recognize the emotional distress caused by the relationship, and does not prioritize her emotional needs. Additionally, the daughter may perceive the mother as prioritizing the needs of others, particularly those of her own daughter, over her own daughter's needs.

2. Articulate your needs.

Indeed, it is possible to communicate one's needs to one's mother in a clear and consistent manner. It is only through verbal expression that a mother can be expected to meet her child's needs. Otherwise, she will likely continue to interact with her child in a manner that has become habitual over time.

For example, "Mother, I have had a disagreement with my husband. I would be grateful if you could speak with him and offer him comfort. I feel unappreciated and my emotions are not being acknowledged. I hope you can value me, see me, and understand me.

"First, provide comfort and listen to the reasons behind the conflict with the husband. Allow the individual to express the grievances and anger experienced, even if it is through conversation alone. This will demonstrate support and affection. Repeat this consistently, initially stating the facts, then discussing feelings, and finally expressing personal needs and expectations."

It seems plausible to suggest that the mother may alter her behaviour in response to these circumstances.

It is only possible to obtain one's desired outcome if one is able to articulate one's needs and expectations in a clear and assertive manner. This principle extends to communication with one's spouse. I would suggest reading the book "Nonviolent Communication" for further insight.

3. It is imperative to pay attention to one's own needs and to prioritize self-satisfaction.

Despite our status as adults, our inner child has not yet matured. It is therefore reasonable to expect that our mother will satisfy our needs and see our needs.

This is the behavior of an infant: "I cry, and my mother has to know whether I'm hungry or have soiled myself. My mother understands me, she just loves me, or she doesn't." It is important to recognize that we have matured into adulthood and are capable of self-care. We are not merely infants who rely on maternal support for survival.

It is imperative to be mindful of one's emotions, discern one's inner needs, and meet them in a self-sufficient manner. This process should be undertaken gradually and with a sense of self-compassion and self-reliance. Affirmations such as "I have become an adult, I am capable of protecting myself, I can take care of myself" can be a helpful tool in this journey.

It is imperative to maintain a conscious awareness of one's inner needs and to consistently satisfy them. When an individual is able to recognize and fulfill their own inner needs, they will no longer seek external sources for fulfillment and will cease to expect their mother to meet their inner needs on their behalf.

One will have fewer expectations of those in one's immediate vicinity and will possess a greater sense of inner wealth, thereby enabling one to bestow love upon another. This form of love is devoid of expectations and brings about a state of inner happiness.

It is my hope that this response has been of some assistance, and that you find the future to be a favourable one.

I extend my warmest wishes for a Happy New Year, along with the hope that you will experience much happiness and good health in the coming year.

Hello, dear question asker!

If I may, I'd like to give you a big hug to comfort your heart, which has been hurt by your mother and husband's neglect!

It's clear that over time, your mom didn't pay much attention to your feelings and needs, which must have left you with a lot of pent-up frustration.

And when you were scolded in front of your husband, it didn't seem like you got any support. It felt like your mom and your husband were against you, too.

Oh, sweetie, I'm so sorry you were unable to stand and were humiliated.

You mentioned that you didn't have the best relationship with your mom growing up. It's so sad when kids are scolded and beaten by their parents. I'm just wondering, what was that like for you?

I'd really like to know what painful experiences this has brought you.

I'd love to have a chat with you about:

I'm wondering if the long interactions with your mom might have led you to choose an excessive defense.

Could it be that you tend to project and identify with others?

Let's say your mom says something critical or derogatory about someone else. If you're like many of us, you might feel over-sensitive and defensive.

It's so frustrating when you feel like your mom is talking about you, right? It can really activate your anger and lead to arguments. But it's important to remember that these arguments can be a way of proving something to yourself.

I know it can be hard to believe, but is my mother really hurting you?

And it's not just your mom, sweetie. It happens with your husband, too.

So when you say your relationship with your husband is bad, it's totally understandable.

Oh, everyday life! A joke from your husband may seem like an attack to you, and you become enraged.

And that's a wrap!

It's only natural that if someone has experienced too much criticism, name-calling, or even domestic violence in their early years, they will grow up with

It's only natural that someone who has experienced too much criticism, name-calling, or even domestic violence in their early years will develop too many defenses to protect their dignity and safety from infringement. This can sometimes result in them interacting with the people around them with a suspicious eye.

This can make people around him or her feel like they're the "imaginary enemies."

How can we break this pattern?

First, it's really helpful to be aware and introspective. Once you find out what your mother or husband has done to hurt you, it's important to ask yourself: what is actually happening?

It's so important to understand your own thoughts and feelings on the matter.

For this, just find a neutral third party who isn't related to either of you and have a chat.

It's totally normal to find it tricky to judge family matters. It's often helpful to take a step back and ask yourself:

It's so important to understand why they're hurting you. And to think about what benefits they could bring.

Secondly, it's really important to learn to express your feelings and needs.

When you feel like you're being neglected or ignored by your mom or husband, it's so important to speak up!

It's so important to know what you're feeling right now. And it's really helpful to be able to say exactly what you need.

Then, you can turn that invitation into a request and see if you can get it met by discussing it with them.

Please remember that whether they're family or friends, they all have the right to say no to you. It's okay to be rejected.

And please don't be disappointed or sad. We all have the right to say no to what others ask of us, and nobody wants to lose their freedom.

I'm sure you'd never want to lose your freedom by being taken over by the demands of others.

I just wanted to remind you that, because of the limitations of the data involved, the above analysis and suggestions are for reference only. I hope that's okay!

If you'd like some extra help, I'd love to chat with you about professional consultation.

Hello, I'm Teacher Yao, and I'm here for you!

Question author:

I'm Kelly Shui, a heart detective!

Now, let's dive into the impact of neglect on families and on us now. What are the effects, and how can we improve?

[You who have been neglected, unmet needs]

Many of us who come to Yixinli have mentioned this problem, and we're excited to see how we can solve it together!

If we look around us now, we can see that many parents, despite being married with children, middle-aged or even elderly, still lead an emotional life.

The main reason is that these parents themselves grew up in a similar environment. When they raise their children, or even educate and discipline them, they are completely dominated by their own prejudices and obsessions, and they scold, hit, and even emotionally neglect their children.

They also didn't get the chance to study psychology or get a better education.

So they completely ignore the child's innermost, most sincere thoughts and wishes.

So, after many people have experienced arguments and conflicts with their parents, what they remember most is that they can hardly get a heartfelt word of recognition or a caring word from their parents. This is an amazing opportunity for us to learn and grow!

So deep down inside, we all have this amazing child inside us who is ready to grow up and take on the world!

So we'll finally understand why we've always longed to be seen by our mothers, and even why we've never been satisfied and will "resent."

[How can we improve? Let's find a way!]

Marriage also represents formal independence and growth for us. When we look back on our own growth experiences, we were once ignored and scolded by our parents, but we've come a long way since then!

Embrace the discomfort, embrace the feeling of being lost, and embrace the pain.

The past is gone, but that doesn't mean we can't learn from it!

We may not be able to change the past, but we can absolutely change our own perceptions, carry the hurt of the past with us, and try our best to live in the present and move towards a bright future of our own!

The good news is that we can change ourselves!

I've got a few suggestions for you!

1: We can use narrative to express repressed emotions!

We can look back and remember our childhood, when our parents were not as attentive as we needed them to be, or when they were unable to accept and love us in the way we needed them to.

But don't worry! You can release those negative emotions and start fresh.

The good news is that these negative emotions won't disappear on their own with the passage of time.

Or maybe it's even piling up, affecting us in various ways, whether we realize it or not.

2: And including in our own marriage and intimate relationships, we also have the opportunity to improve our relationships with our husbands!

And these are also part of the emotions brought about by early childhood!

The great news is that you can also seek help from a professional counselor to help you release your emotions after understanding them.

For example, ask yourself this: Why do you confide in your mother?

Do you want to feel warm encouragement from your mother?

At this time, we tell ourselves, "My mother can solve these negative emotions!"

Do you still hope to be seen by your mother? Absolutely!

We can become self-aware and recall the situation that caused these emotions of sadness, fear, anxiety, disappointment, or worry. And then we can do something about it!

We can go back and look at that helpless self, go back and hug that helpless girl, and tell her that although her mother cannot give her comfort, she still ignores her. And we can do something about it!

But you can tell her the great news: you can protect her and love her!

And her inner wounds will slowly start to heal!

3: Avoid getting caught up in emotions It's so important to keep a cool head when you're feeling emotional. It's all about taking a step back and looking at the situation with a fresh pair of eyes.

Guess what! We may have developed many unreasonable beliefs since childhood.

The good news is that we can adjust and correct these unreasonable beliefs over time. This will help us avoid a depressed mood!

For example,

Once you're married, you and your husband will have the exciting opportunity to rely on yourselves!

We can't change our mother's behavior, but we can choose how we respond to it!

Just imagine for a moment that you were a mother. How would you raise your children?

Guess what! By blaming others for our mistakes, we are actually punishing ourselves.

It's time to take control of your emotions! Try not to be overly dependent on others.

Embrace a more nuanced perspective! Avoid black-and-white thinking about things, including avoiding some catastrophic ideas.

4: We will understand after growing up that no one's family of origin is perfect, including the relationship between husband and wife. And that's a good thing!

Even if we blame our unsatisfactory feelings and the neglect and harm we have suffered on our biological families and mothers, or on our husbands' neglect, we can still take control of our lives!

Will this thought make us happier or more miserable? Let's find out!

5: When we stop complaining and learn to love ourselves, for example, you can talk to your husband about your feelings. This is a great way to start a conversation and get things moving in the right direction!

For example, you can talk about how you want your husband to treat you! Don't allow them to accuse you without reason.

When you grow up, take responsibility for yourself and invest in your hobbies! This is the best way to avoid feeling empty inside.

And even after marriage, you should definitely find the meaning of your own life! Reading is a great way to do this. It's also important to maintain a separate circle.

And we must be brave enough to express our feelings to our parents! This gives us confidence and makes it much harder to give up in the face of challenges.

6: It's time to learn to accept yourself and recognize your emotions!

It's time to recognize and describe your feelings! For example, "I'm sad." Then, accept the emotion.

There is absolutely no such thing as a bad emotion! I truly believe that.

You should definitely read about "The Courage to Be Disliked"!

Halifax, England, once said something really inspiring: "Self-love is far from a disadvantage. This definition is spot on. A person who knows how to love themselves appropriately will absolutely be able to do everything else in life with ease and confidence."

Love yourself, and you'll absolutely love life!

Huge congratulations!

The world and I love you so much!

Hello, question asker!

I have carefully read the questioner's description of the problem, and I can clearly see your confusion and negative emotions at this time.

It is inevitable that problems in the original family will affect the new family.

I will analyze and advise you as follows:

[Being loved too little]

The situation is clear: the questioner's relationship with their mother was not good. She often hit and scolded them when they were young. She didn't care about them at all. She didn't care whether they were happy or not. She always thought it was their fault.

Your mother's lack of care made you feel unworthy of love.

Mothers who educate their children through beating and scolding are undoubtedly responsible for instilling feelings of self-doubt, hostility, and fear towards others in their children.

These are the root causes of the issues you're facing in your new family.

[The couple's level of trust]

The questioner is right. My husband ignores my needs. I no longer expect anything from him because whatever I want will never satisfy me. It won't solve the problem. No matter how nice I am to him, he gives me a sour face and starts yelling at me. He only helps reluctantly.

Couples in daily family life must help each other, but often experience unpleasant emotional experiences. This is primarily because their mutual trust is insufficient.

This distrust is a result of cognitive biases about people and things.

[The sense of boundaries in a couple]

A sense of boundaries allows family members to have both connections and differences. You do your thing, I have my circle, and we don't interfere with each other.

A sense of boundaries also exists between couples. It is crucial to respect each other's boundaries, especially in a strong relationship.

You must maintain this kind of boundary, not only in matters but also in words.

I will achieve the goal of having my own hobbies and not wanting to be overly controlled. You have your space, and I will not restrict your freedom.

[Advice to the questioner]

The questioner should pay attention to the profound influence of the original family on oneself and reduce the influence of the original family on the new family. This may be a lifelong topic, but it is important to address it.

Start by improving how you show respect for each other. Think about whether your tone of voice or the words you use have caused a lack of trust and understanding, or blurred boundaries.

Second, you need to find the right opportunity to communicate further with your husband. Share your thoughts and experiences with him, and listen to his thoughts and experiences.

Third, you must encourage and affirm your mother and your husband more. Even if the other person's "help" makes you feel uncomfortable, you should still give them encouragement and affirmation. This will lay a good foundation for communication in the future.

I am confident that the above will be of some help to you.

Hello, question asker. My name is Evan.

From the questioner's description, it seems that the questioner feels that her mother often ignores her needs, and even her husband's. It seems that her husband is treated like he is her mother's biological child, which causes the questioner to feel negative emotions and even pain. In my opinion, these behaviors of the questioner's mother may be related to the questioner's upbringing and personality.

It's possible that this personality trait is related to the fact that the questioner's mother was also often treated this way in her own family of origin. In addition, she was even treated with son preference, which caused her to disapprove of the status of women herself. When the mother formed a family, she may have also brought this way of thinking into her own family, and even passed this model on to the questioner. This could have caused a deep impression in the questioner's mind, which is that she will often ignore the needs of the questioner.

It's possible that the way the questioner's mother treats her is influenced by her upbringing in her original family. When children grow up, they are often influenced by their original family and may pay more attention to the male labor force in the family.

It is important to recognize that parents may have different motives behind their actions towards their children. These actions may seem harmless, but they can sometimes have unintended negative consequences.

I hope that a little encouragement and understanding can help you gain strength and insight into your mother's motives.

It is not uncommon for parents to display indifference towards their children, which may be a habit formed in the original family. However, if the personal wishes of the child are consistently denied, it could potentially lead to a controlling behavior pattern. It is important to note that no parent controls their child's every move, even if they seem to.

It can be challenging to interact with a mother who is consistently unresponsive. It can also be difficult for a child to seek attention from their mother.

In light of the question being posed on this platform, I would also like to offer the questioner some straightforward advice.

It would be helpful to identify the mother's controlling behavior.

It is not uncommon for mothers to be indifferent to their children. However, this does not necessarily indicate a controlling behavior pattern. It is important to note that a controlling personality or parenting style does not necessarily manifest in the same way in all individuals. A controlling parent may employ specific methods to exert control over others.

Some of these methods are more overt, while others are more subtle. Controlling behavior can take many forms, from overwhelming criticism to veiled threats.

It may be helpful to consider the following signs as indicators of a potential desire for control on the part of the mother:

She may also be inclined to offer criticism on matters that are not particularly significant, such as one's appearance, attitude, or the choices one makes.

They may also resort to threats, such as saying, "If you don't come home right now, I'll kill myself!"

It might be the case that the mother exploits the questioner's sense of guilt in order to force them to do things they don't want to do. For example, the mother might say, "It took me 18 hours of labor to give birth to you, and now you won't even stay with me for a few hours?"

It would be helpful to understand why the mother treats the questioner this way. Perhaps she was also treated this way when she was a child. It would also be helpful to understand whether the mother was taught this way by the elders in the family when she was a child. It would be helpful to know whether the mother spies on you or disrespects your privacy. This could include casually going through the items in your room or secretly checking your phone messages when you're away.

It would be beneficial to understand the mother's motives in treating the questioner.

Could I ask why the questioner's mother treats the questioner this way? Was she also treated this way when she was a child? Might I enquire whether the mother was also taught this way by the elders in the family when she was a child?

It would seem that the way she communicates with her children was influenced by her own family, particularly as a woman whose status in the family was not always highly regarded in the past. This may have led to a pattern of behaviour that she then brought into the family she formed.

She believes that the status of women in the family could be improved.

It would be beneficial to understand your mother's motives. This could help you to release your emotions, treat her more calmly, and make yourself more at ease.

If the questioner understands her mother's motives, she may feel that her mother is continuing a pattern of behavior that was taught to her by her own mother. This could make it difficult for the mother to perceive herself. Is there something sympathetic about this? Many outdated concepts may have simply been passed on to the questioner, and it is not that she wants to treat the questioner this way.

Consider the influence that her mother may have had on her.

Could you please reflect on how being ignored by your mother at a young age may have influenced you? Did you feel a longing for your mother's approval from a young age?

This reaction affects the questioner, so that when the questioner faces the behavior of her mother, certain behaviors that seem controlling to the questioner may elicit a physical response. Even some of the ideas that some mothers have brought to the questioner, some opinions that may not seem appropriate to the questioner, could be written down on a piece of paper.

Then the questioner can consider whether these views are accurate, whether they were influenced by their mother, or whether they are simply their own subjective feelings. It may be helpful to examine these views in light of the personalities of other women in the questioner's life to gain a broader perspective on their universal applicability.

If it is just your own personal opinion, and not the case for all girls, then it may be helpful to recognize that these are the influences that your mother has brought upon you. When you have identified the influence that your mother has had on you, you may find it beneficial to consider making your own changes based on these influences.

It would be beneficial to learn to be honest with yourself and talk about your fears.

The questioner's mother has had some influence on the questioner's actions, which has caused the questioner to have some physical reactions. How can the questioner overcome the influence of her own family? Would it be beneficial for the questioner to try to assert more independence from her mother?

Perhaps it would be beneficial to face it bravely. This requires the questioner to be able to face and be honest with themselves, as this will allow the questioner to face their own concerns head-on and prevent the questioner from repeating the mistakes when forming their own nuclear family.

It seems that the questioner's fear of his mother may be influenced by her education and background. If he is unable to address these issues directly, it may be challenging for him to make changes. When interacting with others, it might be helpful for him to be open and discuss his concerns, his mother's expectations of him, and his worries and fears, as well as the reasons behind them. It would also be beneficial for him to share what kind of person he would like to find as a friend. By being honest about what he wants, he may gradually attract the people he desires.

It is important to be honest about what you want. However, it is not necessary to divulge everything. If you feel that something is more personal and private, you don't need to have an in-depth exchange if the relationship hasn't reached that point yet.

If we assume that your family is typical,

It is important to recognize that changing the behavior and thinking of one's mother is a challenging task. It is understandable to assume that both parents are generally good-natured and that your mother will respond to you positively.

If the original family of the questioner was a normal family and the mother of the questioner was a normal mother, who was gentle and virtuous, what would the questioner be like? It might be helpful for the questioner to consider this scenario and this imagination. While it cannot change the original family of the questioner, it could help the questioner build a stronger sense of self-confidence, enabling the questioner to face their own desires and even face their own fears in a more constructive manner.

Our thinking is actually very susceptible to our own influence. It may be helpful to consider that as long as the questioner constantly gives themselves some positive suggestions, slowly the questioner's needs can be fulfilled by others. It might also be beneficial to explore ways of gradually reducing the influence of your mother, such as acting as though you are not affected, to see if this helps you feel less affected by her.

It might be helpful to consider seeking professional psychological support.

If you feel that you are being suppressed by your mother and are struggling to be independent, you might benefit from seeking professional psychological support. You may wish to consider speaking with a counselor or listener on a psychological platform, where they can offer guidance and support. I believe that with the right guidance, you can learn to overcome the influence of your mother and develop the skills to face it.

In life, if you have friends you can talk to, you can also confide in them. If you can get their support, it may help you feel secure inside again, gradually grow stronger, and perhaps gradually escape from your mother's influence.

It may be the case that the questioner is unable to let go of the indifference of their mother, and thus they may benefit from learning to accept themselves and value their own needs. When we are craving something outwardly and cannot be satisfied, the questioner may wish to consider seeking inwardly, towards self-fulfillment and the fulfillment of their needs. This could prove to be a more beneficial approach than seeking outwardly.

If I may make a suggestion, I believe that this could be a helpful approach.

I hope my answer can be of some help to the questioner.

Greetings, esteemed questioner!

I have carefully reviewed your question and am able to comprehend the distress you are experiencing.

I would be pleased to engage in this process with you and hope that it will offer some measure of comfort and inspiration.

Firstly, it is imperative to comprehend one's own requirements and to ensure one's own well-being.

You state, "I had a poor relationship with my mother, who frequently struck and reprimanded me during my childhood." It is important to provide comfort and support to this aspect of yourself that has been neglected.

"My mother consistently failed to acknowledge my needs and thus failed to meet them."

This is a profoundly desperate situation.

It is a fundamental human desire to be noticed, understood, supported, and recognized.

However, the mother was aware of this and was therefore disinclined to provide the desired satisfaction.

It would be beneficial to ascertain the extent of disappointment that has accumulated within the individual.

The family of origin exerts a significant influence on an individual's development.

I commend you for engaging in this constructive reflection and inquiry.

Once a problem has been identified, the most crucial step towards initiating change has already been taken.

During their formative years, children are typically unable to fend for themselves against such maternal figures.

However, the situation is now distinct.

Regardless of the extent to which one's mother has caused distress, it is always possible to revisit the situation and facilitate healing.

It is not possible to alter what has already occurred; however, the present moment is not one in which we are powerless.

Henceforth, it is incumbent upon you to assume responsibility for your own life and your own happiness.

Each individual bears primary responsibility for their own happiness.

It is not uncommon for individuals to have needs.

In the event that our mother is unable to satisfy herself, is there an alternative means of obtaining satisfaction that does not entail expecting her to do so?

One might also inquire as to whether the subject in question maintains positive relationships with other individuals.

One must consider whether it is possible to support and satisfy oneself.

Have you considered alternative avenues for self-satisfaction?

How do you conceptualize your mother's behavior when she is not firmly aligned with your perspective?

Please describe your thoughts on the matter.

One might inquire whether she believed she had not paid sufficient attention to her daughter and only treated her husband well, or whether she deliberately ignored her daughter and condoned her husband's negative behavior.

One might inquire as to the motivation behind such actions.

Repeated reflection on the underlying motives may facilitate the gradual dissolution of entrenched patterns of behavior.

The initial step is to identify methods for fulfilling one's own needs or modifying expectations when others are unable to do so.

2. Concurrently, endeavor to comprehend the perspectives of others.

It is evident that a multitude of grievances reside within your heart.

It would be desirable for my mother to demonstrate a greater degree of care and concern for my well-being.

However, your mother exhibits a lack of concern. Conversely, she appears to prioritize the well-being of your husband, as if they are both correct and you are the sole individual in the wrong.

It is to be expected that at this juncture, a certain degree of sadness and helplessness will be experienced.

It is recommended that you embrace self-care in the form of a comforting embrace.

The initial step is to provide oneself with comfort.

In such instances, an inclination to resist only serves to exacerbate the difficulty.

It would be more beneficial to attempt to gain an understanding of oneself.

The process of understanding oneself is not straightforward.

Additionally, it would be beneficial to consider the rationale behind the mother's actions.

One might inquire whether the mother in question ever demonstrated any concern for the child's well-being.

It would be beneficial to ascertain whether there have been any exceptions.

Those who have grown up in such a family may be asked whether they take the initiative to care about others.

It is recommended that you conduct an assessment of your own personality traits to determine whether you exhibit a lack of love.

Despite having reached adulthood, secured employment, and established a marital union, it is possible that an inner child may still exist within us, yearning for the nurturing and affection that was previously absent from our upbringing.

When one's desires are not fulfilled, a sense of disappointment is inevitable.

One cannot alter the characteristics of one's mother, but one can modify one's own behavior.

In the absence of maternal support, it is crucial to avoid self-defeating behaviors that perpetuate feelings of inadequacy and disappointment.

It is important to gain an understanding of one's own feelings of sadness and grief.

3. Cultivate self-love and personal growth.

In the event of disappointment in a relationship, it is of the utmost importance to provide oneself with solace and reassurance.

Furthermore, it is essential to consider how to more effectively fulfill one's own needs, rather than fixating on the perceived shortcomings of others.

It may be the case that the mother is culpable and the husband is responsible for the unpleasantness that may have occurred.

However, within the familial context, a tendency to assert definitive moral judgments may ultimately lead to feelings of distress.

As previously stated, the underlying cause of these issues is your own unmet need.

For example, the subject expressed a desire for their mother to demonstrate care and support, as well as to assist in identifying shortcomings in their husband's behavior.

It is my hope that your husband will speak kindly to you, refrain from displaying a long-faced demeanor, and avoid scolding you.

Have you had the opportunity to observe the interactions between people?

One might also inquire as to the manner in which your husband interacts with your mother.

Have you conveyed to your husband the accumulated grievances that you have accumulated over time?

It is acceptable to discuss your marital difficulties with your mother, but it is important to recognise that she cannot resolve the issue on your behalf.

Furthermore, it is important to acknowledge that the following perspective may be challenging to accept.

The capacity to provide enduring satisfaction is intrinsic to the individual.

How might we cultivate personal growth, self-love, and healthy interpersonal relationships?

The question thus arises as to whether it is possible to express one's needs in a clear manner.

In the event that others are unable to satisfy our needs, what alternative methods might we employ to achieve a sense of wellbeing?

The question thus arises as to whether we are willing to meet the needs of others.

Individuals who have experienced an unsatisfying family environment are also more likely to engage in similar patterns in their marriages.

This phenomenon is referred to as "obsessive repetition" in psychological literature.

Therefore, it is imperative that we learn how to facilitate our own growth, self-care, and the disruption of our established patterns.

It must be acknowledged that this is a challenging process.

Given that we have not been loved unconditionally, it is necessary for us to undergo this experience at a gradual pace.

Those wishing to pursue this topic further are encouraged to read "Taking care of your emotions is the first immunity."

It is imperative that we learn to refrain from self-punishment as a result of the misdeeds of others.

Please disseminate this information as widely as possible.

You are to be commended for your positive outlook and resilience.

I extend my love and appreciation to the world and to you.