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My mother never supports me in front of relatives, and I feel so resentful. What should I do?

childhood conflict domineering cousin rejection
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My mother never supports me in front of relatives, and I feel so resentful. What should I do? By Anonymous | Published on December 18, 2024

Since childhood, my mother always attributed the blame to me for any conflicts that arose between me, my cousins, and our relatives, especially towards my uncle's family, the brother-in-law. My older cousin, who is seven years older than me, is domineering and often orders me around when adults are not around. I am stubborn and usually end up arguing, and whenever we do, my mother never inquires about the incident but immediately points out my fault, while also comforting my older cousin.

For example, when my aunt invited me, my mother, and my older cousin to an all-you-can-eat buffet, my cousin took advantage of the situation to push me while crossing the street, and I cried. My mother told me not to make a scene, but I was truly upset and kept explaining that it was my cousin who initiated the physical contact. My mother forcibly pulled me back home, while my aunt took my cousin to eat alone, smiling triumphantly at me. To this day, at 30 years old, I have eaten many buffets, but I still cannot get over that one meal.

When my relatives' children wanted my toys, my mother always gave them to them. If we fought, it was always considered my fault, and my bed was fair game for anyone to sleep in. My crying and tantrums were futile, and my father was tired of the family squabbles and never interfered.

Now that I am older and more assertive, I have cut off contact with my relatives.

These events have become a lingering wound in my heart. I wish I could go back and support the five-year-old me, making them pay for their actions. I regret not being more assertive and not being decisive enough in the past. They destroyed my childhood, and I wish to die and be reborn.

How can I change my mother's mindset and how can I let go of this grudge?

Isabella Young Isabella Young A total of 4443 people have been helped

Hello! Give a loving hug to the five-year-old who feels aggrieved!

[What happened] At an age when I needed my mother's protection and support, I was treated like an outsider, which was a great opportunity to learn and grow. It was a challenge to accept both logically and emotionally, but it left a very big shadow in my heart. (I believe that few people would have a favorable impression of such treatment, but I did, and I'm proud of that.)

Every time I think about it, I still feel a little hurt inside, but I'm working on it! I don't have a good impression of my mother or relatives, but I'm ready to start over, explain the situation clearly, and win back their respect.

(To prove that mothers should defend their daughters, who are loved by their mothers.)

[How to deal with it]

1. Get to know the many sides of the story and share your feelings. The real story is really interesting because it's made up of lots of different parts. These two events happened a long time ago, but you still remember them so clearly, and you've processed them and your emotions about them over time.

Regardless of who is right or wrong, I really hope you can find an opportunity to have a good talk with your mother. It would be so great if you could tell her how you feel, and then listen to what she was thinking at the time!

Maybe she didn't mean it at the time, or maybe she had other things on her mind. Mothers are mothers, but they're not always the best at showing love. That's okay! You can still show her you care about her attitude towards you and switch roles to understand each other.

The great news is that whether it can be changed depends on the situation of your mother!

2. Let it all out! Get rid of all that pent-up frustration and negative energy from the past. Emotions have a lot of power and can affect us in ways we don't even realize, especially when they've been building up for a long time.

No matter what the situation was at the time, the "injury" it caused you already exists. This is your chance to embrace the opportunity to understand and accept what your mother did. You can choose to let go of the "injustice" in your heart and move forward with a positive outlook.

You can let it all out! There are so many ways to do this, like having a good cry, writing a letter to your five-year-old self, or other methods. Say goodbye to the past and hello to a bright future!

3. Instead of focusing on your "injured past" that is different from others, it is better to focus on the future of your life, which has more possibilities! In recent years, the saying "a bad childhood is like this and that" has become popular, and I personally think it is quite harmful.

To be honest, who can define a "good" childhood? People are not simple mechanical products that will take whatever is given. They are so much more than that!

The most valuable thing about people is their ability to "transform." There are so many outstanding people who are grateful for the "hardships" of the past. And there are also many people who have wasted the best years of their lives in resentment of the injustice of the heavens. But there's hope! We can all transform our lives for the better.

I am a mountain of books and a spring of words! I believe in your incredible power to create a radiant future that will benefit you and others!

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Vanessa Celia Morgan-Hill Vanessa Celia Morgan-Hill A total of 2767 people have been helped

Perhaps it would be beneficial to embrace your younger self and convey the message that things have reached a conclusion.

I'm sorry to say that your childhood was not as happy as it could have been. It seems that you are now experiencing difficulties in your adult life as a result of this.

Some people are fortunate enough to find healing throughout their lives, drawing on the experiences of their childhood. Others may find that their childhood experiences shape their lives in ways that are difficult to overcome.

I truly hope that you don't become that unhappy person.

The unfortunate reality is that the injustices suffered during childhood often persist into adulthood, accompanied by the unresolved emotions of those early experiences.

It might be challenging to live a good life while carrying so much resentment and hatred.

Perhaps it would be beneficial to bid farewell to the child you once were. She has matured, become self-sufficient, and is capable of doing whatever she desires. You can provide her with comfort in a more constructive manner today by caring for her and protecting her, rather than causing her distress repeatedly.

Anger can be compared to lighting a fire in the palm of your hand. It is often tempting to direct this energy towards others, but it can lead to unintended consequences. Similarly, when we throw dust into the air, it may not have the intended effect of clearing things up, but rather, it may come back to us.

Perhaps it would be best to put forgiveness on hold for the time being. It might be more beneficial to focus your attention on the present moment. You are capable, wise, free, and happy in the present moment, and you don't have to look at anyone's face. This is happiness.

When your attention is no longer focused on hatred, you may find that forgiveness has occurred without your conscious awareness.

It might be helpful to try to live in the present and seize the moment.

The past is in the past, the future is uncertain, and only the present is within our control. All your resentment and unhappiness is a ball of negative energy, and you are surrounded by a dark ball of negative energy every day. Everything in the universe has energy, positive energy attracts positive energy, and negative energy attracts negative energy. So when your surroundings are filled with negative energy, it can make it more challenging for your wealth and wisdom to manifest.

Your future is shaped by your current mindset. The kind of future you desire depends on the present circumstances you find yourself in. The power of the present is significant, and the building blocks for wealth, wisdom, health, and happiness can be found in the present moment.

I wish you well.

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Comments

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Washington Miller Growth is a journey of learning to see the world through a lens of possibility.

I can totally relate to feeling unheard as a child. It's painful when the adults in your life don't take your side or even acknowledge your feelings. I wonder if writing a letter to my mom could help her understand how those situations affected me.

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Henley Davis Time is a mirror that reflects our priorities.

It's heartbreaking that you weren't given a voice during these conflicts. Maybe now, as an adult, it's time to set boundaries and express what you need from your relationships with family members.

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Faith Miller Life consists not in holding good cards, but in playing those you hold well.

The pain of childhood can linger into adulthood. For me, therapy has been helpful in processing old wounds. Perhaps finding a professional to talk through these feelings could provide some closure and new coping strategies.

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Ivy Frost The true teacher defends his pupils against his own personal influence.

Your story brings up so many emotions. It seems like reconnecting with yourself and prioritizing selfcare might be important steps forward. Learning to forgive doesn't mean forgetting, but it can free you from carrying this weight.

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Karl Thomas The stream of honesty flows through the valleys of truth.

It's tough to deal with such deepseated resentment. Creating distance from toxic relatives has helped me gain perspective. Sometimes we have to let go of trying to change others and focus on healing ourselves.

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