My opposite-sex friend is very nice to me, but I feel pressured and dependent. What should I do?

Dear questioner,

My name is Kelly, and I have read your question several times. It seems that you initially brought this confusion to your teacher, and we would be happy to offer advice from multiple perspectives for your reference.

[Dependence and pressure]

I was touched by your kindness and sincerity. It takes courage to face your own heart, your feelings, and your willingness to face your troubles.

It is often the case that having someone to provide comfort and support can help to ease the loneliness that can accompany being alone in an unfamiliar place.

I recall a similar experience from my own past. When I was in my 20s, I was in an unfamiliar city alone and met a pen pal. He would come and visit me at the weekend, but we made it clear from the start that we were just good friends. We would talk about any confusion we had, including his girlfriend, and we would encourage each other. He was like a big brother to me, very warm and kind. At the same time, we maintained a good distance and boundaries.

If I might offer a few suggestions, let me say that if you're sure you don't want to develop a romantic relationship,

My relationship with my pen pal was similar to this at the time.

1: We exchange gifts, and he gives me gifts such as notebooks, while I give him books. He invites me to dinner, and I invite him back next time. We mostly forget about each other's gender.

2: A gentleman's friendship is as light as water, relying on each other while maintaining independence.

3: It would be helpful to clarify the nature of the relationship from the outset. I was aware of the situation from the beginning, and we were very open with each other.

4: It would be best to be honest first, then a gentleman. (You can be friends for life, so if you can avoid hurting him in advance, you might as well be honest and share your thoughts with him.)

Let's assume:

1: From your description, it seems as though if he truly likes you, he may admire you and want you to recognize and appreciate him through your actions. It also seems as though he treats you like his girlfriend. How do you feel about that?

Perhaps it would be helpful to ask yourself, apart from his height, if there is anything about him that you admire.

2: Could it be that you're becoming more and more dependent on him? Is it because the other person makes you feel secure? If you didn't consider his height, would you fall in love with him if he treated you so well? Or do you like him?

Let's consider a scenario where you really dislike someone. Would you find it difficult to go upstairs and think about them?

Perhaps it would be helpful to ask yourself again if you like him a little bit too.

3: You have the right to choose. If you are feeling confused, you may not want to hurt him, but you can also choose to keep your distance based on the advice of your teachers.

4: It is possible that true love can overcome many limitations, such as height or age.

I have also had the pleasure of meeting many short but outstanding gentlemen who have also found love. They are of high moral character, well-educated, good-natured, capable, responsible, and responsible for their families. Some people, on the contrary, love their wives even more because of their height. These are all excellent qualities in a person.

It is also worth noting that there have been instances where initially good-looking couples have later separated, despite initially having seemed to be a perfect match.

There are a great many stories like this, and they are widely available online.

If you are interested in learning more about Mr. Leung Wing-on's approach to love and relationships, you can search online. You might also find it helpful to explore the work of Yi Xinli, who has written extensively on this topic.

If the questioner takes the time to reflect and engage in self-reflection, the answers may eventually emerge.

If you don't find the answer you're looking for, perhaps it's time to take a step back and let things unfold at their own pace. You're always welcome to continue the conversation if you have any further questions.

You are the master of your own destiny, and I believe the answer is within you.

My name is Kelly.

I would like to extend my heartfelt congratulations to you.

I hope the world and I can show our love for you.

Hello, question asker! My name is Ziding Yaxiang, and I'm thrilled to have this chance to help you solve your problems.

I read the questioner's confession with great interest. The questioner found themselves alone in an unfamiliar city and serendipitously crossed paths with a friend of a classmate. The two instantly connected and took care of each other, forging a strong bond between them. They were both excited and a little nervous about the future, but they also felt a deep sense of security and protection.

Although they didn't say it out loud, they were both testing each other and guessing at each other, or waiting for the moment to pierce that layer of paper.

The questioner is considering this issue because he thinks that the height issue alone will become a stumbling block between the two of them. I personally don't think that this should be the main reason. If you consider the future generations, with the current nutrition and exercise, the height of future generations will not be lower than 170, which is pretty impressive! Most mothers are tall, and their children's height will be taller than their mothers'. Boys' genetic height will also break through with proper diet and exercise, which is great news!

The questioner should definitely consider the question more!

How well do you two get along? When you want to talk about a topic, can your friend really get to the heart of the matter and satisfy you?

Do the two people have complementary personalities? Absolutely! Two people with complementary personalities will have more understanding, so that there will not be too many conflicts in their future lives. For example, active and quiet people will also achieve a neutral effect in the tacit understanding of life, which is just the case in most situations.

And there are also a few cases where the two people are not complementary, but are complementary in other ways and have a happy marriage!

It's also a great idea to think about whether the two of you have the same values. This is a really important thing to consider, because it'll help you avoid any conflicts over values in the future!

Take a moment to think about what you want to know. Ask yourself: is there a moment in your heart when you want to say "I love you"?

I'm so excited for the questioner to meet their Mr. Right!

Hello, I am Jianlin, a psychological counselor.

You are lonely when you are alone outside. It's a simple fact. Just when we are lonely and helpless, someone comes out to be by our side. In the process of chatting, they pass the time of our loneliness, and at the same time, their actions can also give us a sense of comfort. Any word from you or a call from you, and they will come running.

When you have a favorable impression of him, you are disappointed when you learn his exact height. This makes you want to keep your distance from him, but you know that your inner needs tell you that you are very dependent on him.

You are in a state of hesitation and fear, and you are confused.

If we didn't know his height or ignored it, then we are already in love with him. If we ignore his height,

Then, when we make a phone call, our little thought is captured by him, and we can truly feel how good he is to us. We have fallen in love with him.

This height is an inevitable factor.

We must think about this carefully.

This factor has caused some resistance in your heart, but when there is a certain need in your heart, you still rely on him a lot. When you encounter difficulties, the first person you think of is still him.

When you are lonely and empty, you think of him first. You said you are afraid that he will fall in love with you, but your subconscious mind is also asking if you are afraid of falling in love with him.

You are struggling within. This is our own positioning of emotions.

This is something you need to think about for yourself.

Once you've decided where your emotions fit in, you need to ask yourself: do you really care that much and is height really such an unavoidable, rigid condition?

Keep your distance from him. Don't look for him when you need him and don't contact him when you're lonely.

Don't seek his help when we are in trouble. Your behavior has caused misunderstandings.

It will also cause him to misunderstand you to a certain extent. In the end, it will hurt both of you.

I'd like to know your thoughts on this.

In this situation, I suggest you calm down and consider two questions. First, is height a determining factor in your future development?

Nothing is perfect, including love. So, apart from this condition, do the others meet your criteria for a partner?

Are you willing to compromise on this? Second:

Try it when you're alone, without contacting him. What do you feel?

Understand your feelings and where he stands in your heart. With this self-awareness,

Assess your emotional position. If you really have it in you, he can ignore his height or consider the second option.

Then you can continue to develop with him like this. He'll make the first move.

If you can't overcome the problem of his height, reality will defeat your feelings about his position. Keep your distance from him.

Don't let both sides get carried away and hurt each other. What do you think?

The above addresses your inner feelings and the conflict between your dating standards. We are confident that our analysis will help and inspire you. Thank you.

Hello!

You care about height. Let's talk about what it means to you.

If height is important to you, you need to be careful about who you spend time with.

There's a saying on the internet: when a man falls for a woman, she means everything to him. It's just a joke, but it's true.

You're alone in a foreign country, lonely and insecure. This friend is just a few inches taller than you, but he cares for you and gives you gifts. If your partner can put together a jigsaw puzzle, he's already filled in part of the puzzle for you.

He hasn't confessed his love, but his actions show it. He may have inferiority complexes or not know how to express it.

You like your opposite-sex friend because they're safe and convenient, but you're worried they'll fall in love with you.

If you don't love the other person and want to do things only lovers can do, you need to refuse or make your attitude clear. Indecision causes trouble for you and may hurt the other person.

I have seen divorces due to height. The woman said the man was not tall enough, even after having a child. I mentioned height at the beginning.

If you're in a foreign land and lonely, you need his help. But you have nothing to offer him. Be honest with him about your needs and tell him you can only be friends. Will he still help you?

You've clarified your relationship. It's based on friendship.

You can accept his help without worrying about him falling in love with you.

It's important for friends to communicate well. It's good to make friends abroad and to be able to ask for help.

Happy life to you!

I'm Chu Mingdeng. I love you!

Hello, I'm Yu Ting, a listener at Yixinli.

I can see how this might be a tricky situation. A friend of the opposite sex treats me well, but is also under a lot of pressure and dependent. What would you suggest I do?

I believe I understand the original poster's situation.

I can see that you're facing a dilemma. On the one hand, you're feeling isolated in this unfamiliar city and craving the companionship, affection, and understanding that a close friend can provide. On the other hand, you're facing some internal pressure because you've only seen him as a casual friend and have enjoyed his kindness towards you. I can very much understand how you're feeling.

It would be helpful to gain a deeper understanding of the incident.

As a bystander, I believe there is one thing we can be sure of: he must like you. I think there are two possible reasons why he hasn't expressed his feelings for you. On the one hand, he probably thinks you know how he feels because you accept all the nice things he does for you, and these are clearly more than those of an ordinary friend. He may think this is an unspoken understanding that doesn't need to be made explicit. The other possibility is that he may have some concerns, and is worried that if he confesses his feelings to you, he will be rejected, so he doesn't have the courage to do so yet.

In either case, it seems likely that he has affection for you. Without this affection, it would be difficult for a so-called friend to have such a strong motivation to do all sorts of things for you. So your worries and concerns are necessary, because if you continue like this, you may end up hurting him.

It would be unfortunate to see someone who is so sincere and good to you being hurt.

Perhaps a solution could be found in the following way:

Perhaps it would be helpful to consider what you can do now to move forward in a way that is healthier for you both. You say you rely on him because you are lonely, and that's why you haven't been able to refuse his kindness. You already know the reason you need him, and you know full well that you don't love him. However, you are lonely, and you can understand this loneliness and need. This is not a long-term solution, though. You might benefit from trying to make yourself stronger and more independent, because when a person relies too much on someone, even if that person is their other half, there is no guarantee that they can always rely on that person.

It is possible that at some point, the other person may become less engaged in the relationship, or the passion of love may fade. In such a scenario, it is often the case that family ties and responsibilities play a more prominent role in maintaining the relationship. It is not uncommon for one partner to become less attentive to the other, which can create a significant emotional gap. It is important to acknowledge that these shifts are not uncommon and are often inevitable. It is also crucial to have the courage to face these challenges head-on.

It is possible that one day the other person may feel less inclined to continue with the relationship, or that the passion of love may fade. In such instances, it is often the case that family ties and responsibilities play a role in maintaining the relationship. It is possible that the other person may become less attentive to you than they once were. When this happens, it can create a significant emotional gap. It is important to be prepared for this possibility and to have the courage to face it. It will undoubtedly be a challenging experience, but it is also an opportunity for personal growth and self-reflection.

It would be wise to prepare for the future and learn to love yourself, so that your happiness is not dependent on anyone else. This is a process that everyone must go through, and it can be challenging, but it is worthwhile because it affects your lifelong happiness. You have the power to take control of your happiness.