My parents don't give me my own space. They read my diary and look at my phone.

Good day.

I'm grateful you took the time to share your feelings and experiences on the platform.

I hope that by sharing my experience, I can help other people who might be going through something similar.

After taking the time to read your question carefully,

I empathize with your current confusion and helplessness.

On the one hand, you feel that your parents love you.

On the other hand, this kind of love can also make you feel a bit suffocated.

It would be beneficial to have more space for self-growth.

It appears that our family system may be somewhat closed.

With a relatively cohesive relationship between family members.

It might be observed that this state of bonding can be seen in the parents' own families.

A close-knit family can offer certain advantages when children are young.

It is possible that they may be able to take better care of the child.

As the child grows and reaches adolescence,

It would be beneficial for the child to have more room to grow.

As they become more independent,

Such a family system may inadvertently create an environment that feels suffocating for the child.

You have matured and developed into an independent individual.

If I might humbly offer another perspective,

If I might make a suggestion, on the one hand…

It might be the case that they are not aware that you need more space.

You have your own secrets,

I believe you can take care of yourself.

On the other hand, it is possible that

It is possible that parents may have their own internal issues.

It may be challenging for them to let go.

It may be the case that they don't believe you can take care of yourself.

They may be concerned that you might make some unfortunate choices or that something might happen to you. They may also have a lot of worries.

It might be helpful to remember that at this time, their sense of self-worth is relatively low.

It might be the case that they don't trust you.

I believe the most essential reason may be that they don't trust themselves.

This may give rise to another question, namely the relationship between husband and wife.

One might suggest that the core relationship in a family is that between a husband and a wife.

It would be beneficial to consider whether mom and dad support and care for each other.

On occasion, marital conflicts may inadvertently be transferred to children as a means of deflecting the issue.

It is worth noting that if this occurs, it is not typically done with malicious intent, but rather as a result of unconscious actions or behaviors.

If I might make a suggestion, I believe that the two most important things to change the situation would be

I believe the first step is to establish consistent and effective communication.

It would be beneficial for them to consistently express their feelings.

It would be beneficial to fully connect the efforts and sacrifices of both parents.

Perhaps it would be helpful to express your need for more room to grow.

If that doesn't work, you might want to consider seeking help from a third party.

You might find it helpful to speak with a family therapist.

Secondly, it might be helpful to talk to your parents about their concerns.

It would be helpful to distinguish between those that are likely to happen and need attention, and those that are impossible.

It would be beneficial for you to try to gain the support and trust of your parents.

Perhaps we could try talking to your parents.

I am here to serve as your psychological counselor.

Please know that we are here for you.

We are here to support you in any way we can.

Dear question asker,

Despite the perception of parental love, the lack of personal space is perceived as a form of oppression and suffocation.

Some parents exhibit excessive concern for their children and a desire for complete control over their lives. This can result in the manifestation of controlling behaviors.

First, it would be beneficial to engage in discourse with your parents in order to gain insight into their perspective. This may prove to be an effective approach in navigating the situation.

1. It is unclear whether the individual in question is male or female, and it is probable that they are a high school student or younger.

The parents' monitoring of your activities indicates that they are concerned about your circumstances or wish to comprehend them better. Nevertheless, despite their observation of your conduct, they remain unaware of the nuances of your inner world, your psychological requirements, your sentiments towards them, and your discontent with them.

It is evident that the parents in question are attempting to gain insight into the situation by monitoring the child's actions. However, their actions are ultimately counterproductive as they fail to recognize the underlying issues. The child's need for parental love and acceptance, as well as the necessity for autonomy, remain unmet.

Such behavior is, in fact, counterproductive, as it attempts to comprehend the subject in question through a flawed methodology. Fundamentally, the individual in question requires love, acceptance, and autonomy from their parents.

It appears that they may not yet be aware of the issue, and that they are not conscious of the necessity for respect and comprehension, as opposed to direction and limitation. They may be inflexible regarding their pedagogical approaches and concepts, potentially due to a highly rational state of awareness.

2. Has your parent ever provided an explanation for why they are monitoring your activities and preventing you from closing the door? What are they concerned about, and what do they want to see? Is it related to your academic performance? Are they worried that you have certain ideas that will affect your studies?

Alternatively, might they be concerned about your emotional state?

In the absence of an explanation from your parents as to why they do not wish you to close the door, your experience is likely to be negative.

In the absence of detailed information, it is only possible to offer a general analysis.

If one is in a positive emotional state, it is advisable to inform one's parents that one is feeling well and that they need not be concerned. Conversely, if one is experiencing negative emotions, it is recommended to seek the guidance of a counselor to help alleviate these feelings.

It is reasonable to posit that your parents will feel more at ease when they observe that you are doing well.

Your parents will be reassured to observe that you are in a positive emotional state.

Secondly, we will address the subject of the individual in question.

1. It is not possible to share these thoughts with one's parents, and the pressure of keeping them inside is very depressing and makes one feel annoyed.

Given the emergence of emotions, it is advisable to accept and confront them. Expressing one's thoughts to one's parents can be beneficial.

If these thoughts are not expressed, they will manifest as depression and generate further negative emotions.

It is unclear what impact these emotions have had on the individual in question, and whether it is a significant impact. If the impact is still minor, it would be beneficial to speak with a counselor or other professional in a private setting to process these emotions.

If this has a significant impact, it is of the utmost importance to communicate with your parents. It is possible that your parents are not yet aware that their behavior has such a significant impact on you.

Those in a position of authority are unable to perceive the full range of one's emotional state, as they are unable to fully comprehend the nuances of one's feelings and emotions.

It is recommended that the aforementioned points be discussed with the relevant parties.

2. It is nevertheless recommended to engage in communication with one's parents regarding this matter. Attempting to gain their understanding and support, while simultaneously reducing the restrictions imposed upon the individual, is advised.

It is recommended that these issues be discussed with your parents, and that you seek advice from them on how to proceed.

(1) If it is possible to communicate the situation directly, it is advisable to do so. The message should be clear and unambiguous, stating that the child wishes to close the door. An example of this would be to say that a certain classmate's house always closes the door, and if it does not, the child will be unhappy and will protest.

(2) In the event that your parents decline your request, you should nevertheless proceed to close the door. You may communicate with your parents in the following manner: "You are not allowing me to close the door, and I am not feeling well."

It would be advisable to ascertain their response. Should there be elders in the family, it might be beneficial to seek their assistance in communicating with your parents.

(3) It is recommended that you communicate with your parents by writing letters, leaving notes, or sending WeChat messages. This approach allows you to express your thoughts and feelings in a more indirect manner, which may be more conducive to achieving a resolution.

(3) It is recommended that you communicate with your parents by writing letters, leaving notes, or sending WeChat messages. This approach allows you to express yourself through words, which may be more conducive to open and honest communication than a direct face-to-face conversation.

In your private messages, you are at liberty to write whatever you wish. Observe how your parents react after reading your private messages and respond flexibly in accordance with their reactions.

3. One may choose to safeguard the privacy of one's phone and diary by setting a password on the former or purchasing a diary with a lock, which can be secured at the user's discretion.

To reduce potential conflicts with parents and achieve this objective, it is possible to devise strategies that will accomplish the goal without causing conflict.

Hello, I am peace.

Your parents peeked at your diary and phone, and you have no privacy at home. You are unhappy and depressed.

But you understand your parents love you, so their behavior makes you feel helpless and conflicted.

You can't get much info from the text. Do you mind answering a few questions?

How old are you? Is this new or has it always been like this?

How did you react before?

What made them pay more attention to your movements?

Is this possible?

You used to chat with your parents when you got home.

You seem less expressive when you come home, which makes your parents feel uneasy. They think they're doing the right thing.

How did you react when you found out your parents read your phone and diary? Did you ignore it or tell them?

Your parents love you, right?

They think this is a way to love you and take responsibility for you. They need to keep an eye on you and don't want you to be influenced by bad influences. You recognize this, don't you?

However, parents can also be confused. They find it difficult to realize that their children are not extensions of themselves.

They have their own thoughts and privacy, which is also worthy of respect. Parents cannot violate this at will, even in the name of love.

As independent people, we should know where the boundaries are and not cross them without asking.

If your parents don't know this, would you help them learn?

You can invite your parents to sit down together and tell them you love and appreciate them. Be honest about your feelings.

You also need to show them you can take responsibility for yourself. If you need help, ask for it.

If the first talk doesn't go well, are you willing to be patient and give your parents more time? They need time to learn and grow too.

When you come to the platform for help, I see your sincerity. Love connects you, and believing in love can make your wishes come true.

Best wishes!

My parents don't give me any space. They sometimes read my diary and peek at my phone. I feel very oppressed at home. They love me very much, but I don't know how to deal with it. I can't close the door at home.

Hello, question asker. After reading your statement, I understand the dilemma you're currently facing: you have no personal space, which is indeed very annoying.

You know your parents do this out of love, but it still feels oppressive when they read your diary and check your phone. They want to control you, and it goes too far. You feel violated, not trusted, and unable to be yourself.

You don't mention your age, but I'm guessing you're already in middle school? You've got a strong sense of judgment. No one wants to be controlled like this. I'm behind you if you want to change the situation.

It's clear you're a very independent and assertive child. The fact you're seeking help online shows you're capable of taking the initiative. I have to commend you for that, young lady.

Let's start by looking at why mom and dad are trying so hard to control you without getting any results. Is it because they're bored? Obviously not. They love you very much and they don't want you to get hurt or go through any twists and turns. They want you to always go straight so you don't take any detours. In short, they want to give you the best love they can.

However, because they're so focused on giving you all their love, they've neglected your growth. They've imagined you to be too weak, thinking you're still the little girl who needs protection at all times. They haven't seen that you've grown up and are already a young person with enough judgment to protect yourself!

So, to change this situation, does the questioner need to have a good conversation with their parents and tell them

1. You're not a child anymore and have the judgment to protect yourself, so they don't need to worry.

2. You need your own space to thrive and excel in your studies.

Then, show your independence and judgment, let your parents see your strength, and let them believe that you have indeed grown up. Take a deep breath and relax.

When your parents see that you're capable of protecting yourself, they'll be happy to let you live your own life.

I'll stop here. I hope my answer helps. Best of luck to you in getting out of this situation and taking control of your life!

Hello, host. I'm July.

After reading your description, I believe I have a better understanding of the question you want to ask. I also want to offer you my support in whatever way I can.

From your description, it seems that your parents may have been a bit too involved in your personal affairs. Whether it's your diary or your mobile phone, they may have crossed a line in terms of privacy, which has understandably caused you some stress.

It can be challenging to know how to communicate with your parents and let them respect your privacy, especially when you know they love you. It's natural to hesitate about what approach to take and what words to use to express your thoughts.

It is understandable that you would react this way. At your age, you are likely seeking more freedom and privacy, and you may feel that your parents are interfering too much. However, parents at this age often want their children to avoid detours and suffering, so they may search for information about your situation to see if they can help.

It is also worth noting that at this particular stage of their lives, parents tend to prioritise their children's needs and may not always consider their own wellbeing. This can result in a tendency to do whatever they believe is best for their children, without fully realising that their actions might inadvertently place undue pressure on them. However, from their perspective, their original intention is to do what they believe is best for their children, and therefore they may not perceive their actions as being at odds with their children's needs.

In light of these considerations, I have also put together a few suggestions that I hope will be helpful in finding a way forward.

(1) If possible, try to find some time to talk to your parents and express your true feelings and thoughts. It may be helpful to try to communicate your true thoughts and feelings in a way that is not too repressive, but rather open and honest.

(2) When communicating with your parents, it may be helpful to let them know that you understand their intentions and reassure them that you are capable of solving problems yourself. This could help to alleviate some of their concerns.

(3) It might be helpful to consider establishing some clear boundaries. For instance, your parents reading your diary is likely their own business, not yours. It's understandable why you feel it is your own business, given that they have violated your privacy and caused trouble in your life.

(4) It might be helpful to consider that when you are under a lot of stress, you can release it through exercise, music, chatting, etc., rather than keeping it inside and not releasing it.

(5) If the problem persists after communication, it is understandable given that this behavior pattern has been a part of their lives for a long time. It may take time to make changes, so it would be helpful to give parents some space to gradually implement them.

I just wanted to say that I love you and the world is a wonderful place.

I wish you the best.

Hello, I'm Yi Xinli Hou.

Let's begin with the final part of your question.

1. You mentioned that you're having difficulty closing the door at home.

Perhaps it would be helpful to remember that the door you closed is not just the wooden door at home, but also the door to your heart.

It's understandable that parents might read your diary or go through your phone. They want to understand what state you are in, what you are thinking, what you want, etc. However, if you close the door on them and don't communicate with them, it can make it difficult for them to know how to support you.

It would be beneficial to remember that you are not allowed to close the door. You may find yourself closing the door without fully understanding your own motivations. You might even check your phone to see who you are chatting with, in order to avoid any potential misunderstandings. It would be helpful to take a moment to reflect on your own thoughts and actions.

These behaviors then follow.

2. You said, "They love me very much," but I'm not quite sure how to respond.

Do you sometimes feel overwhelmed by this kind of intense, deep love? Do you ever wish they didn't love you so much?

It seems that you are somewhat conflicted, and it appears that you may also be telling yourself, "My parents love me, and I can't refuse them." However, you seem to desire your own space and independence, which may make it challenging for you to know how to handle this situation.

3. Parents who may lack respect and control

(1) Parents who lack respect: It might be helpful to consider that parents who "peek" at their children's diary and phone without considering their desire to understand their child's goodwill may be demonstrating a lack of respect for their child. Every child is an independent individual, and every parent is only the child of their parents. It's important for parents to respect their children, especially their privacy.

(2) Controlling parents: It seems that they care about you more because they are controlling parents who want everything about you to be under their control. When you close the door, they feel out of control and maybe they get a little panicked, so they use their parental authority to tell you: "Don't close the door!"

It is precisely this lack of respect and control that makes you want your own space even more strongly. I can understand why you would feel this way. Your request is not excessive.

So, I wonder if I might ask how?

1. Effective communication

It is worth noting that many conflicts between parents and children may stem from an inability to communicate effectively. For instance, when parents express concern about their child's whereabouts and safety, they may inadvertently respond with a directive, such as "Go wherever you like!" Alternatively, when parents seek to understand their child's social circle and current mindset, they may respond with a warning, such as "Don't hang out with those bad friends and don't learn bad habits!" or "What are you thinking again?"

When you close the door to be alone for a while, you are often met with a less than constructive response, such as, "What are you trying to do behind closed doors? You're not allowed to close the door." These are all examples of ineffective communication, where it can be challenging to express your thoughts and feelings in a way that is heard and understood.

You might like to consider starting with yourself. Perhaps you could ask your parents if they would be willing to sit down with you and communicate.

It's possible that you're not yet accustomed to this approach. Before beginning the discussion, it might be helpful to kindly request your parents' patience and attention, and let them know you'd like to share your thoughts.

(1) It might be helpful to tell them in a firm but respectful way: "Mom and Dad, I know you love me very much, and I am very grateful for your love."

2) I kindly request that you reconsider your approach. While I appreciate your interest in my friendships and state of mind, I feel that your actions may be perceived as an invasion of my privacy. I believe that love and respect are not mutually exclusive, and I hope that we can find a balance between understanding my friendships and respecting my privacy.

Mom and Dad, I would be very grateful if you could try to respect me a little more.

(3) Friendly request: We can have more opportunities to communicate. If you would like to know more about me, you are welcome to ask. If I feel there is no need for you to know more, I will kindly tell you my limits and ask that you respect them. But, Mom and Dad, please don't worry, I am safe.

If I find myself in a situation where I'm unable to resolve a problem on my own, I will kindly request your assistance.

(4) Rational analysis: This is what I think about closing the door and having personal space. Mom and Dad, I wonder if you might sometimes feel the need for a little space and quiet.

I imagine you would appreciate some peace and quiet from time to time. How would you feel if I kept hanging around you all the time, making all sorts of demands?

If it's okay with you, I'd like to close the door and have some time to myself. I'd really appreciate having a little bit of my own space, even if it's just for half an hour or an hour.

2. One helpful approach is to consider making an agreement with your parents.

(1) Mutual respect: I would appreciate it if you could respect my privacy and refrain from reading my diary or cell phone without my permission.

2) I would appreciate it if you could respect my need for space in my room. I would like to be able to leave the door open, and I would prefer not to be disturbed, especially when I am alone.

(3) Communicate actively: If you have something to say, please tell me what you want to know, and I will do my best to take it seriously. I will also do my best to tell you what I want, and I hope you will do the same in return.

It might also be helpful to make more specific agreements based on the actual situation in your family. For example, you could say something like, "For the next half hour, I'd like to chat with my classmates, so I'd appreciate it if you didn't come in."

etc.

I believe that parent-child relationships are among the most challenging of all relationships.

I would like to take this opportunity to wish you all peace.

I'll be there with you at 1Mind!