My parents favor my brother, and the oppressive preference for males over females is unbearable. What should I do?

Hello there!

I can see how you feel from reading your description.

First, you wrote in the title description, "I can't stand the suffocation of son preference." It's so great that the educational concept of gender equality has been implemented! However, it's important to recognize that children's current thinking and understanding of values may not align with some of the more traditional educational concepts. Similarly, many women, after they become adults, may not initially think about how to be filial to their parents. Instead, they may feel the need to escape from their original family.

Secondly, you wrote in your description that your parents are biased towards your younger brother. They know it themselves, but they just won't admit it. They even told you to your face that they couldn't do equality for everyone, that she wasn't worthy of being your mother, and that you should block her. It's so sad when people with old-fashioned ways of thinking can't see that equality for everyone is possible. It's not because they don't want to, but because in their time, they themselves did not experience so-called equality for everyone, which makes them not believe in the truth of this theory.

This is just a way of saying that some areas of education could do with a little update! Of course, as a parent, you might think that your family is doing just fine, or that you've already got a good level of education. This might make you feel a little down, but it's nothing you can't bounce back from!

It's so sad to hear that your younger brother said that if you died, he'd have more money to spend. I can understand why you're so upset. It's hard to hear such words from your younger brother when you've always chosen to endure. It's not good for him, and it's not good for you. You deserve better.

Of course, if your younger brother is not very old, you, as his older sister, have the right and obligation to educate him and guide him onto the right path. It's so important to set a good example for him! If you do, your parents may become the first target of his future revenge, and then your future will also be implicated.

I really think you should consider this suggestion:

1. If you haven't yet reached adulthood, you can go to school and find the school psychologist for some counseling. If you're already an adult, you can go to the nearest community for psychological counseling to help you.

2. It doesn't matter how your parents treat you now. They're still your parents, and they have to do their part. If you feel like they're not meeting their obligations, you can always try going through the judicial process.

We're so happy to share this content with you! It's just a helpful reference, though.

Good day. My name is Zeyu.

In the context of patriarchal values, individuals may find the courage to assert their desires and perspectives to their families. This process can be conceptualized as a transformation.

For the time being, it would be beneficial to comprehend the underlying motivation behind the desire for parents to acknowledge their preference for sons over daughters. Despite the reality of this preference and the parents' awareness of it, they persist in denying it. Consequently, the desire for them to admit this preference seems futile. What, then, does admitting entail from the perspective of the individual seeking acknowledgment?

Firstly, the other party's acknowledgement signifies an admission of fault on the part of the other party and a recognition of the harm and impact caused by son preference. Simultaneously, it signifies that the other party must accept the fact that they prefer their sons.

What, then, is the meaning of such an admission on the part of parents? In the first instance, it entails a loss of authority. In addition, it involves the acceptance of the condemnation of one's conscience, feelings of guilt, and the acknowledgment of the suffering inherent in reality.

From the perspective of an external observer, there are numerous potential causes of the phenomenon of "son preference." However, our objective is not to identify these causes, but rather to identify strategies for addressing the current situation. Our future does not need to be constrained by our biological family, and it is not beneficial to engage in conflict with our biological family over our future. It is not a worthwhile pursuit, because we deserve a better future.

It is evident that "son preference" exists and that parents are unable to compensate for the losses and harm caused to their children. Despite our efforts to address these issues, it is unlikely that we can obtain the necessary support from our parents. In such cases, it is necessary to find ways to detach physically from our current environment and biological family through alternative channels or by enhancing our own capabilities.

Once the initial separation has been made, it is essential to facilitate the healing process through the utilisation of appropriate coursework or psychological counselling. In the event that such resources are not readily available, it may be beneficial to explore alternative avenues, such as joining relevant psychological groups or organisations, in order to obtain the necessary psychological nourishment.

It is important to allow oneself sufficient time to undergo a transformation, and to extend oneself sufficient love and trust. It is crucial to maintain the belief that the world and the people in it hold many beautiful things and experiences, which one can discover and explore.

Hello, question asker!

I see what you wrote.

Today, I exploded. I used to choose to endure, but now I'm going to break this bowl.

I empathize with you. I know how difficult it is to endure. You have had a really hard time. You deserve support and understanding.

Your home is meant to be a warm haven, a place where you can gain energy. For you, it's a place of suffocation. Every minute, every second, you feel suffocated. It's unbearable. You finally managed to catch your breath, and you won't feel chest tightness or suffocation. Your outburst today was beneficial to you.

I don't know how old you are, but I see that you said your mother told you to block him on WeChat. That means you have your own WeChat account, right? I assume you are a student. I also don't know how old you are compared to your younger brother. Indeed, hearing your younger brother say that would make us very angry. I don't know how you responded at the time. Did you choose to endure it?

From my personal knowledge and experience, I can say with confidence that there are two reasons why the mother said that. One is that the mother has her own limitations in perception, and it can also be said that his emotional intelligence needs to be improved. The other is that the mother may have her own difficulties and her own helplessness.

Your brother's words are the innocent words of a child. He simply doesn't know how to judge what he says because he is too young.

I believe this is the best course of action. Since this situation has arisen, we must understand this state and accept it. In other words, in our little family, all kinds of opportunities are meant to happen, and no matter what happens, there is a reason for it. We must accept it.

If we can accept all this, our hearts will calm down. Think about home like this: you can't reason with people there. Talk about love instead. You might think this is about love. They don't love me; they prefer my younger brother. I want you to talk to your mom and dad about this. You need to reason with them. Don't say that we can't reason with them because we're young. In fact, it's their parents who are reasoning with them. Maybe they can't reason with them either because if they do that, they think it's reasonable. Maybe it's unconscious.

Think about it. That's what we do. We see what we believe to be true, we feel what we think is right, and we think what we think makes sense. We don't easily believe what others say. Think about it. When someone other than your parents says something to you, do you feel that they are different from you? Do you also feel that they are right?

You may have heard this before, but it bears repeating: it's not easy to put your thoughts into other people's heads, just as it's not easy to take money out of someone else's pocket. It's really, really not easy to change other people, and it's not easy for other people to change either.

So what's the rest of the day going to be like? As you said, it's suffocating, and I can't stand it anymore. Your outburst today was a good start. You showed your true self to your parents and brother.

Once you let off steam, you won't be so angry anymore. You'll find the energy to come here and seek a scientific solution. Then we can think about how to express our feelings and grievances. We can truly express this emotion.

We don't need to express emotions.

I will work hard in this area and I will find ways to express my emotions more authentically. I will come to this platform to talk more and more. Writing is a very good way to express emotions. I will make good use of this platform in the future.

Believe in yourself. With your own hard work and wisdom, you will improve your abilities in every way.

I wish you the best in life. The world and I love you!

The questioner has many good qualities.

It seems that both the questioner and his parents are aware of their patriarchal behavior. The questioner's parents have also admitted that they cannot treat their children equally. However, they seem to be reluctant to acknowledge that they are patriarchal in their behavior. Perhaps they believe that acknowledging this would alleviate their guilt.

The questioner's mother asked the questioner to block her, stating that she did not feel worthy of being the questioner's mother. In the face of her mother's indifferent behavior, the questioner has consistently chosen to endure, perhaps believing that by suppressing her true emotions, she could still receive the desired motherly love from her mother. However, the questioner is very disappointed with her parents' actions and behavior.

It's important to understand that repressed emotions won't disappear on their own. They may manifest in different ways. What caused the questioner to have a breakdown was when her younger brother said that if she killed herself, he would have more money to spend. This led to a deep sense of longing for affection and a realization of the reality of the situation.

It seems that the questioner's parents do not perceive their own actions as problematic. Consequently, when they interact with the questioner, they do not reflect on their own behavior and make changes. While it can be challenging to see your parents' true thoughts, lowering expectations and not having high expectations of them can prevent them from easily influencing your emotions.

It is important to recognize that while we cannot choose our parents, we can choose our attitude and pursue the life we want. It seems that the questioner's parents and younger brother may not value the questioner, which could be a challenge for them. In the face of their behavior, it might be helpful for the questioner to learn to see and love themselves even more.

"Amazing You" and "The Power of Self-Growth" are two excellent resources that I would recommend to the questioner. By learning about relevant psychological knowledge, they can gradually become more aware of the issues they are facing, work through them, and ultimately heal themselves.

I hope my answer is helpful to the questioner. I wish them the best of luck!

Hello! I just wanted to give you a warm hug from afar.

I'm so happy you've reached out for help! I really hope my sharing can give you some support and help.

Let's allow and accept each other. For a long time, because of your parents' patriarchal values, they have favored your younger brother too much and neglected you too much. You feel aggrieved and angry at being ignored, and this part of the accumulated grievances and anger has exceeded the limits that your body and mind can bear, causing you to express it in an extremely out-of-control and emotional way.

Even though it wasn't the best idea to break the bowl, it's important to understand why you did it. It's okay to feel angry and frustrated. What do you think?

When you're aware of the ways your parents' patriarchal values have affected you growing up, you can be brave and honest about your feelings and needs. If your parents act in ways that make you feel cold, neglected, unwanted, or unloved, you can express what you need from them. This will help them understand how their behavior has affected you and what you want from them.

I'm not sure how old you are compared to your younger brother, but from what you've told me, I can't see what your parents did to make you feel that they always favored your younger brother and valued boys over girls. It seems like a lot of this feeling you have comes from an unconscious competition between sisters for their parents' love. In families with multiple children, there is always an unconscious competition between sisters. When the second child is born, the eldest child, who used to have exclusive access to family resources, suddenly feels ignored, neglected, and threatened by sharing and competition. This is because parents and family members unconsciously devote more resources and energy to the second child, who has no survival skills.

So, as a child, you couldn't respond quickly to the feelings of being left out, ignored, angry, and sad that came with the arrival of your younger brother. Especially when your parents and family didn't realize these feelings, they became stronger. And the more you felt them, the more you started to feel hatred and disgust for your parents and younger brother. What do you think?

So, your anger, hatred, and disgust towards them is directly proportional to the neglect and indifference you have received. And when you can't express this part of your unresponded emotions, it can make it difficult to connect emotionally with your parents and younger brother. But I know you love them just as much as they love you, and that's a wonderful thing!

If they didn't love you, you wouldn't be who you are today, and you wouldn't have everything you have today. What do you think? I'd love to know your thoughts on this!

It's only natural that nobody wants to admit when they're wrong, especially not parents who love you dearly. The neglect and indifference you feel from your parents is probably just because of the arrival of your younger brother. All you can do is try to tell them how you really feel and what you need from the bottom of your heart.

I'd love to hear how you're feeling, but try not to let your emotions get the better of you. What are your thoughts on this?

Hello, I'm Tongyan!

From your description, it's clear that your parents have always favored sons over daughters. As the eldest daughter in the family, your younger brother can say such heartbreaking things, and your mother tells you that she deserves to be your mother and tells you to block her.

I'm an older sister with a younger brother. I think if I heard that, I would feel desperate and not know what to do. But I'd also feel excited because I'd know that I can do anything!

You feel like a water lily, with no one to rely on, no support.

You say you have been holding back, and you thought that would make you believe you still had a home.

And today, you decided to break out and break the bowl! I'm so excited to hear what happened to you today!

I'd love to know how old you are now! Have you grown up?

Absolutely! You can absolutely live independently!

The cruel reality completely shattered your longing for home, but it also brought you new hope!

I bet you felt so sad when you realized that your mom didn't love you. It's okay to cry! It's hard to admit that your mom doesn't love you, but you can do it!

But facing this pain head-on also gives us deep hope and the strength to help us leave this abyss of pain!

My dear girl, I want to tell you that having such parents and a family is not your original sin. You don't need to take on anything for your parents. You can just be yourself, and you're going to be amazing!

If you are still a student, I really hope you will actively seek out a support system outside the family. For example, you could seek help from your class teacher or the school psychologist.

You can absolutely believe that you can find someone who loves you, even if you didn't have parents who loved you. Be the best version of yourself you can be! Love yourself, see your emotions, allow yourself to feel, meet your needs, and strive to become the person you aspire to be.

Have faith that you will fly like a bird to your mountain and find your own direction!

Be the amazing surrogate parent you are and take care of that child who longs to be loved!

I'm sending you all my love and blessings!

It is understandable that you would feel frustrated and hurt in the face of perceived partiality and injustice within your family. It is natural to feel ignored and to question one's position and value within the family when such feelings arise.

However, it would be beneficial to approach these issues in a more measured and constructive manner, rather than resorting to extreme or violent solutions. By examining and dealing with these complex emotions in a more mature and rational way, it may be possible to find psychological balance and gradually move out of this challenging situation.

First, it is important to recognize that the internal dynamics of the family, as the primary social environment for individual growth, can have a significant impact on an individual's psychological development. From a psychological perspective, the phenomenon of parental favoritism you describe may involve the unequal distribution of power and role stereotyping, as discussed in family systems theory.

It's possible that parents may have unconsciously maintained an unbalanced power structure, which could result in some members (such as your younger brother) receiving more attention and resources, while you feel marginalized and suffer.

Furthermore, we can use attachment theory to explore the impact of this biased behavior on your psychological state. Attachment theory suggests that early patterns of interaction with primary caregivers (such as parents) may shape an individual's emotional and interpersonal patterns as an adult.

In your case, the long-term unfair treatment may have led to an insecure attachment pattern, which could mean that you have difficulty trusting others to provide you with consistent care and support. This insecurity may manifest itself in everyday life as anxiety, depression, or an over-reliance on and suspicion of others.

In the context of a challenging family environment, your decision to persevere is a common coping mechanism. In psychology, coping mechanisms refer to the strategies individuals use when faced with stress or challenges.

However, it is possible that long-term suppression may lead to emotional repression. When these repressed emotions accumulate to a certain extent, they may be expressed in the form of an explosion, as you said, "breaking the bowl." Although this explosion temporarily releases emotions, it may also exacerbate the tense atmosphere within the family and even affect your relationship with other family members.

In order to deal with this dilemma more effectively, we would like to introduce the concepts of "emotional regulation" and "cognitive restructuring." We define emotional regulation as an individual's ability to adapt to the environment by changing the intensity, duration, or nature of emotional responses.

Perhaps the first step for you would be to learn to recognize and accept your emotions. You might then like to try some positive emotion regulation strategies, such as deep breathing, meditation, exercise, or talking to a trusted friend.

We hope that these strategies will help you to better manage your emotions and avoid excessive fluctuations.

It would be remiss of us not to mention cognitive restructuring as a key process. This refers to adjusting an individual's emotional and behavioural responses by changing their cognitive evaluation of events or situations.

You might consider re-examining the biased behaviors in your family. While these behaviors have undoubtedly caused you harm, it may be helpful to view them from another perspective. They could reflect the limitations and inadequacies of your parents themselves, rather than a lack of personal value on your part.

Through such cognitive restructuring, you may find that you can reduce your own psychological burden by reducing overinterpretation and blaming of your parents' behavior.

It would also be beneficial to consider enhancing your "self-identity" and "self-efficacy." Self-identity can be defined as an individual's clear understanding and acceptance of their identity, values, and goals.

It is not uncommon for individuals who have experienced unfair treatment within their family to experience a sense of identity crisis and a questioning of their worth and abilities. It is therefore important to consider ways to strengthen one's self-identity, which may involve active self-exploration and practice.

It would also be beneficial to consider ways of boosting your sense of self-efficacy (i.e., your confidence in your ability to successfully complete a task or cope with a challenge). One approach could be to set small goals, gradually challenge yourself, and celebrate every achievement.

It is also important to consider the value of "boundary setting." This concept refers to an individual's capacity to articulate their rights, needs, and boundaries in interpersonal relationships, and to safeguard themselves from violations by others.

In your case, it might be helpful to consider setting clear boundaries with your parents. This could involve sharing your feelings and needs with them, and standing your ground. It's understandable that this might require a certain amount of courage and determination. However, it could be an important step in maintaining your mental health and well-being.

In conclusion, when faced with instances of partiality and injustice within the family, it is essential to engage in a comprehensive process of self-exploration and growth from a variety of perspectives. By employing strategies such as emotional regulation, cognitive restructuring, enhancing one's self-identity and self-efficacy, and establishing clear boundaries, it is possible to gradually move out of the challenging situation and embark on a path of self-healing and reconciliation.

It might be helpful to remember that you have the strength and courage to change the trajectory of your life.

Hello, question asker. I can see you're feeling confused, and I'm here to support you!

My mother has always favored her male children and is particularly fond of her younger brother. This may be related to the era in which she grew up.

Back then, kids had to pitch in with the farm work.

You like having a boy even more because they'll be stronger when they grow up and can help with the farm work.

It's also likely that your mother will continue to favor her younger brother, given her own limitations.

As they say in psychology, it's whoever is suffering, and it's whoever changes.

Since you can't change your mother's mind, you can change yourself.

Tell yourself that when you have kids in the future, you won't think the same way about boys and girls as your mom does.

To put it another way, your mother's less helpful ideas will stop here.

This can help reduce the negative impact of this bad "patriarchal" concept being passed down from generation to generation.

If you feel like you're suffocating at home, you don't have to stay there.

If you're already working and financially independent, you have the option of moving out and living on your own.

This could also be a way to solve your current problem.

It's important to remember that there are always more than three ways to solve any problem.

In short, I always believe that there are more solutions than problems.

I really hope you can find a solution to the problem you're facing soon.

All I can think about now is what I've said above.

I hope my answer was helpful and inspiring to you, the questioner. I'm the one who answered, and I study hard every day.

Here at Yixinli, we love you and best wishes!

Just wanted to check in and see how you're doing!