My parents have four daughters and one son, and as they age, they require my full-time care. What should I do?

Dear Question Asker, It is a pleasure to connect with you virtually.

It appears to be a challenging scenario. I can discern the difficulties and pressures you are facing.

I would first like to ascertain your thoughts and feelings about caring for your parents. Are you willing to assume this responsibility, or do you believe it should be the responsibility of all children?

Your thoughts are valuable and should be considered. In theory, every child has a duty to care for their parents. It would be interesting to understand why the parents are the ones who have requested assistance from you.

From their perspective, are they investing more in you, or do they believe you are the most capable of taking care of them?

Therefore, it is important to understand your parents' expectations of you. What would you like your parents to do, in your opinion?

If you feel that it is too much of a burden to take care of your parents on your own, or if you want other siblings to get involved, I suggest you consider talking to them. Discuss together how to take better care of your parents. It is not about the five of you having to take care of your parents equally. Rather, it is about recognizing that everyone is your parents' child and that taking care of your parents is an opportunity to repay their kindness. You can try to come up with some specific plans, such as taking turns to take care of them or sharing the costs, and see if you can find a way that everyone can accept.

Furthermore, it is reasonable to assume that parents desire care and attention from their children.

If your parents are still able to care for themselves, it is advisable to communicate with them first to ascertain their specific needs and expectations. This will enable you to determine whether you can provide assistance without adversely affecting your own life. Additionally, you can inform them of the challenges and limitations associated with your sole caregiving role. This will allow them to gain a better understanding of your situation.

It is of the utmost importance to prioritize your own physical and mental well-being, as well as your quality of life. While caring for your parents is a significant responsibility, it is essential not to neglect your own needs. I hope you can identify a solution that works for you.

Should communication with your family prove unsuccessful, you may wish to consider seeking external assistance from a family counselor or a relevant community organization. They may be able to offer relevant experience and suggestions that could help you resolve your differences.

We hope that you will put this knowledge into action and wish you a lifetime of happiness.

Filial piety is the foremost of all good deeds.

Filial piety is not only a traditional Chinese virtue, but also a mandatory provision written into the law.

It is the obligation of children to support their elderly parents.

Your parents have four daughters and one son. When they grow old and frail, it is the duty of all their children to take care of them.

The basic prerequisite is that all children have the corresponding physical conditions.

In your description of the problem, you stated that all five people can "take care of themselves," which is unclear.

If they are barely able to "care for themselves" physically, then it's clear they're struggling to care for the elderly.

You want to say that everyone can support themselves financially and have enough to provide for their parents.

The parents' request for you to serve them alone is unreasonable, regardless of the reasons (they don't like the other children, or they think that filial piety is only the business of their son, etc.).

In the past, most families had the financial means to honor their elderly parents. However, they were relatively busy, both in terms of time and energy.

This is due to the current faster pace of life and lifestyles (many people also have to take care of children and grandchildren, etc.).

The main source of conflict between children and their parents is whether to spend time with them or serve them.

Your parents can take care of themselves now until they become old and frail. They don't have to adhere to current ideas and requirements.

At that time, they need more companionship and better care. It doesn't matter which child it is.

If they still insist on their opinion, you can change the situation through your own efforts. Communicate and coordinate with your sisters.

You have no reason to be distressed by your parents' request.

However, you can also express your feelings tactfully each time your parents express their wishes, taking into account their personality traits.

This way, they will know your true thoughts, and at the same time, they will have a psychological expectation and slowly accept and adapt to the situation of not being completely taken care of in their old age.

I truly believe that this is a problem that many children encounter: how to support their parents in their old age. I feel that filial piety is a wonderful thing! It doesn't mean that children have to give their parents whatever they want, nor does it mean that children have to be what their parents want them to be. Rather, it means that children can give their parents what they need within their means.

From the information provided by the original poster, it's clear that both parents are capable of taking care of themselves. This means they have the ability to take care of their daily lives, so they don't need their children to serve them. But it's also important to consider the parents' age and physical condition. What can they do now? What kind of living assistance can their children provide for them?

It is our duty as children to support our parents. Not only is this a law, but it's also a virtue that has been passed down from the Chinese nation. As long as we are responsible, we must remember that our parents are the parents of all children, not just one person's. We have the incredible opportunity to support our parents in any way we can. Let's embrace this responsibility and make a difference!

Take my father as an example. He lived with me, and I bought all the food we ate! He also bought some, and my siblings gave some too. I never asked my siblings for money, and they gave me as much as they wanted to. That was their way of showing their affection, and I just did what I could!

When he ran out of money, I would give him some. My father was a very resourceful man. He would usually collect cardboard, drink bottles, and other recyclable waste to sell. The money he made was his to spend on whatever he wanted. Although living with me was not a life of luxury, he was very happy. He could watch as much TV as he wanted, play cards whenever he felt like it, and never had to worry about supporting his children or providing for his old age.

And I, on the other hand, absolutely loved having my father live with me! It made the house feel so much more lively when I came home. This is just my own opinion, but I think it's a great idea to discuss it with your partner and siblings if you're struggling to make a decision. I'm sure they'll find the perfect solution!

Hello. I am a heart exploration coach. Life is a beautiful journey, and it is not about appreciation, it is about blossoming.

I'm glad we can discuss this. You have five siblings, but your parents' retirement is your responsibility alone, which is really stressful.

? 1. Tell me why you feel unacceptable.

(1) You deserve to be treated fairly.

A parent with five children may be old, but they will still demand that you take care of them all.

I need to know if this is a decision made by the parents, or was it agreed by the other siblings? Or is it due to some force majeure that has led to the current situation? For example, they have all started a family, and you are the youngest and unmarried; or they are in a foreign country and unable to fulfill their filial duties; or they themselves have some insurmountable difficulties.

You need to understand this to find out whether you are being isolated or whether your parents are just showing you special attention in this way. Parents have to accept that, as their children grow older, they are also being separated from them.

Some parents want their children to be successful, but they also want them to be down-to-earth. They want to maintain their own dignity, but they also want their children to have emotional needs met.

(2) Human capabilities are limited.

Everyone has a lot of life lessons to learn. These include school, career, marriage and family, children's education, health, and personal and parental retirement issues.

If you don't have siblings, a couple raising children also has to support four to eight elderly people (both sets of parents and grandparents). This is a huge strain, both in terms of time, energy, and financial resources.

Furthermore, life is fast-paced, and there are rarely any opportunities to slow down and spend time alone. If you devote all your free time to your parents, you won't have any time for yourself. You'll become a "spinning top" that can't stop.

These emotions are driven by underlying needs. You need to be treated fairly, to have someone to share the burden with, to overcome the feeling of helplessness and powerlessness. You crave more security and stability. You also want more independence, both physically and mentally.

2. Strengthen communication among family members.

First, communicate with your parents. Make sure they know you and your siblings are there for them, that you will provide for them financially and with your time, and that you will never abandon them or forget your roots.

Next, communicate with your siblings to understand their current situation and let them know about yours. Be open about your feelings and views on supporting your parents in their old age.

There are always more than three solutions to any problem. There are many different kinds of services, such as hourly workers, caregivers, nannies, and personal care assistants.

Siblings must reach an agreement. Those with money must contribute financially, those with strength must contribute physically, and those with time must contribute time. This is the only way to ensure that the work of caring for and accompanying their elderly parents is completed.

I am confident that the above will be helpful to you. The world and I love you.

If you want to continue communicating, follow my personal homepage, "Heart Exploration Service."

It would be unreasonable to expect you to take care of your parents alone. Ideally, every family member should take responsibility for themselves and take care of their parents together.

When faced with a request that seems unreasonable, it may be helpful to try to understand the reason behind it and work out a solution that is more reasonable through communication.

It might be helpful to communicate with your parents and other siblings to gain a better understanding of their motivations and explore any underlying factors that might be challenging to discuss, such as financial constraints or other difficulties.

After understanding the reasons, you may wish to consider formulating a more reasonable plan, such as dividing the work, hiring professional caregivers, or seeking community support. When formulating the plan, it may be helpful to try to balance the contributions and sacrifices of each family member and to ensure that no one takes on too much responsibility.

If this is a situation caused by your parents' wishes, you may wish to consider expressing your feelings and confusion when communicating with them. This could help guide them to understand your position and predicament. At the same time, you could propose some more reasonable plans to let them know your thoughts and suggestions.

When communicating with other siblings, it may be helpful to be honest and open, strengthen interactions, and deepen mutual understanding and trust. You might find common ground, discuss how to better care for your parents together, and negotiate a reasonable plan.

When communicating, it is important to respect the views and feelings of each family member and to try to consider things from their perspective. It is also helpful to avoid emotional conflicts and to remain calm and rational.

It may be helpful to consider making adjustments to the plan for caring for your parents, with the aim of fostering harmonious and stable relationships among family members. It is important to remember that the wellbeing of your parents is a key concern, and that each family member has a role to play in supporting them.

In the event that communication is ineffective and you find yourself in a position where you are the primary caregiver for an elderly individual, you may wish to consider the following suggestions:

1. Consider the option of choosing a suitable nursing home.

It is important to remember that everyone has limited energy, and when you feel overwhelmed, you may wish to consider moving your loved ones to a nursing home. By choosing the right nursing home, you can ensure that your parents receive the best possible care and love. Here are some suggestions:

It would be beneficial to gain an understanding of the facilities and services offered by the nursing home. This could include aspects such as whether catering, medical care, rehabilitation, and other services are available, as well as the qualifications and experience of the nursing staff and management teams.

2. It may be helpful to visit several nursing homes before making a choice. This can help you understand if the environment and facilities meet your requirements, and it can also give you the opportunity to talk to the staff and residents to find out more about their lives and care.

3. It would be advisable to confirm the qualifications and reputation of the nursing home. When choosing a nursing home, it would be prudent to confirm whether it has a legal license and qualifications, and whether it has a good reputation and credibility. You may wish to inquire and find out through government departments, social institutions, the Internet and other channels.

4. It may be helpful to consider fees and services together. In addition to facilities and services, it could be beneficial to consider the fees and service quality of the nursing home. This may ensure that your parents can receive appropriate care and love, rather than just pursuing low prices.

5. It would be beneficial to consider the quality of life of the residents. When choosing a nursing home, it may be helpful to think about the quality of life and happiness of the residents, such as whether there are activities and entertainment programs, and whether there is support for social interaction and communication.

2. Consider community-based assistance

Community help can be a valuable source of practical support and assistance. Here are a few suggestions to consider:

It would be beneficial to gain an understanding of the resources and services that are available in the community. When choosing help from the community, it would be helpful to have an awareness of the resources and services that are on offer, such as nursing services, help from social workers, volunteer services, and so on.

2. It would be advisable to ascertain the reputation and word-of-mouth of the community. When choosing help from the community, it would be prudent to confirm whether it has a good reputation and word-of-mouth. You may wish to inquire and find out through community residents, government departments, the internet and other channels.

3. Consider participating in community activities and projects: You may wish to consider participating in activities and projects organized by the community. This could provide an opportunity to communicate and interact with community residents, expand your social circle, and enhance your sense of community and belonging.

It may be helpful to seek the support of a professional organization if you require additional assistance, such as nursing services or the input of a social worker. This could enable you to access better support and services under the guidance of professionals.

3. Selecting Home-Based Elderly Care Services

When choosing home care services, it would be advisable to consider the following points:

It would be advisable to gain an understanding of the content and scope of the services provided, which could include support with daily living, medical care and rehabilitation.

2. It would be advisable to confirm the reputation and qualifications of the service provider. When choosing a home care service provider, it would be prudent to ascertain whether they have a legal license and qualifications, and whether they have a good reputation and credibility. You may wish to inquire and learn about them through government departments, social organizations, the Internet, and other channels.

It would be beneficial to communicate with and get to know the service personnel before the service begins. This will help you understand their skills and experience, as well as their work style and schedule.

4. Negotiate and sign a service contract: When choosing home care services, it would be advisable to negotiate and sign a service contract with the service provider to clarify information such as the scope of services, service content, and fees, in order to avoid any potential disputes or conflicts later on.

5. Monitor and evaluate service quality: After the service begins, it is important to keep an eye on the quality of the service and to share any concerns or suggestions with the provider promptly, so that your parents can continue to receive the high-quality care and love they deserve.

We hope that you will be able to find a suitable elderly care model soon, and we wish your parents a stable and comfortable life.

Hello, I'm ZQ, a heart exploration coach on the Yixinli platform. From your description, I can see that your parents have four daughters and one son. They will think about elderly care as they get older, but the other party is asking you to take care of them alone, which is a bit unbelievable.

I don't know if you're a son or daughter. If you're a son, they may teach you to value male descendants. They may treat you well since you were a child.

Then they'll want you to take over, so they can repay you. You'll have to take care of them and continue the tradition, including elderly care. The son will probably have to take care of the elderly parents.

The inheritance issue may also affect the son. If you are a daughter, you may get priority because you are the eldest, most beloved, or wealthiest.

It's still stressful to let only one child deal with the elderly. If someone gets sick, their assets can become negative. This may be unfair to you. Why don't your parents ask for help from your siblings?

Why can't you share the responsibility of caring for them? It would be easier for you. Have you talked to your parents about this? Why do they always insist that you be the one to take care of them?

We should think about this.

It's not a good idea to judge parents based on their actions. Society doesn't say it's better for one person to care for the elderly. This is because married people with children may have to support four elderly people, as well as their own children.

It's hard to take care of your parents when they get older. Even if you're capable, your parents should think about this too.

As we age, our immunity decreases, and underlying diseases worsen. It's good for you and your parents if your siblings can help. Discuss this with your parents.

Don't let one child take care of it. The cost of making a mistake and getting sick is high. It's not affordable for one child. Let all siblings share the burden. This may improve the result.

ZQ?

Good day. I am grateful for the opportunity to address your question. I hope that my suggestions will prove useful to you.

With regard to the matter of support, it may be helpful to consider two aspects. We can reflect on our own circumstances and financial situation to determine the best way forward.

Perhaps the first thing to consider is whether it seems fair.

For instance, in a family with multiple children, if the parents request that each child contribute money or effort, that seems fair and equitable. It is only natural that we should and are justified in doing our part, just as our siblings do, to take care of our parents.

Or when they have the opportunity, they can take care of their parents. When they are busy, other siblings can take care of their parents, and so on. Siblings can also help each other.

The second situation is to consider it from an individual perspective.

In many cases, there may be differences in financial circumstances within families with multiple children. For instance, the eldest child may have accumulated wealth, with 1 million yuan, while the second child's family may be more average, with 100,000 to 200,000 yuan. The third child may face financial challenges and live from hand to mouth, with limited savings. The fourth child may be in a situation of significant financial difficulty and have accumulated debts.

Even if the parents say that everyone should contribute equally and that each person should give their parents 2,000 yuan a month, it is possible that the four siblings may still feel that they are not being treated equally and that they are contributing more than the others.

In this case, it would be helpful for each child to consider how much they are willing to contribute to the care of their parents.

As an example, even though we are a family with many children, let's consider ourselves to be our parents' only child. In this scenario, we can reflect on how we might best support our parents in their later years.

For instance, if you are in a financially secure position and your parents are in good health, you might consider providing them with a modest monthly stipend. You can determine the amount that suits your budget and, on the condition that you are able to support your own family, you can often visit your parents.

At the same time, we could perhaps consider combining some of the care our parents have given us, getting along, and discussing ways to support them.

For instance, if our parents provided us with a typical level of education and care during our upbringing, and we had a generally positive childhood experience, it is likely that we will be inclined to reciprocate their efforts by providing care for them and spending time with them.

If the parents' education was harsh, belittling, or even violent, our childhood was likely very challenging. While we may feel gratitude towards our parents, it's also possible to harbor resentment. Once we become adults, it's not reasonable to expect children to be automatically respectful towards their parents. This would be unfair to the child. As a result, we can provide the most basic forms of support, such as assistance when they're unwell or caretaking when they're unable to care for themselves. We don't force children to be more considerate or give a specific amount of money to be considered filial.

In the most exceptional cases, such as when a parent abandoned a child but then forced that child to repay the favor of giving birth to them after they had grown up, it could be argued that even if we were to sever ties and have no contact, this would not necessarily be the wrong approach.

I have always found the line from the TV series "Zhi Bu" (A Story of Two Cities) to be a fitting description of the relationship between parents and children: "A mother's love and a son's filial piety go together."

Sometimes, it's not that we don't want to be filial to our parents. As long as our parents have been particularly good to us, we will naturally love them too. However, if our parents have been less than ideal, we may find it challenging to view them through the same lens.

In addition, we have added some external factors for your consideration. For example, if financial difficulties arise and a large financial gift is not possible, or if work and other commitments prevent daily visits, these are situations that require mutual understanding among family members.

As an outsider, I am not in a position to provide a solution to your current situation. The best course of action would be for you to navigate it independently, taking into account your own upbringing, the relationship between your siblings, the relationship between your parents, and if you are now married, you may wish to discuss with your partner how to arrange your parents' later life.

I hope that through self-reflection and consideration of all parties, you can find a way to handle the situation that suits you, without affecting your own family, and without feeling suffocated or having any regrets.

I would like to extend my love and appreciation to the world and to you.

Good day!

The issue of supporting parents is a complex and sensitive one. In this regard, I can only offer some opinions for your consideration.

There is no inherent problem with the relationship between the multiple children you mentioned and the elderly person's willingness to provide support.

However, in some cases, specific family circumstances and environments may give rise to support issues.

For instance, ineffective communication between family members, a lack of understanding, support, or willingness to cooperate can impede the implementation of a reasonable support plan.

This can result in the parents providing the majority of support.

Furthermore, an unclear allocation of responsibility for the care of the elderly may result in support issues.

In a family with multiple children, the allocation of care and support for the elderly among different children may be a consideration.

If responsibilities are not clearly defined or deemed unreasonable, it may result in disputes and conflicts.

To prevent such conflicts, parents may also be inclined to unilaterally declare their willingness to provide support.

It is important to note that regardless of the ability of the parents to care for themselves, providing care for the elderly requires significant time and effort.

If any child is experiencing excessive work and life pressures, or is failing to demonstrate sufficient care for the elderly, or is prioritising personal interests and freedoms over the necessary care and attention for the elderly,

These factors may impact the issue of elderly support.

Therefore, despite the presence of multiple children in the family unit, challenges may persist in providing adequate support for the elderly.

It is essential that family members understand, support, and cooperate with each other to develop a fair and effective support plan that safeguards the rights and interests of the elderly.

In the event that the elderly person in question expresses a desire for sole caretaking, it is imperative to first respect their wishes and needs while simultaneously considering your own circumstances and challenges.

If you are unable to identify a solution or are experiencing practical difficulties, it is advisable to establish effective communication channels with your family members, promptly share your thoughts, and discuss the situation and problems of supporting your parents in order to find a solution collectively.

Secondly, the responsibility for support should be clearly allocated to each child in the process of communication, negotiation, and reaching an agreement to ensure that each child assumes the corresponding responsibility.

However, responsibilities should also be allocated in a fair and just manner, taking into account each person's abilities and circumstances.

Thirdly, each child has the right to make their own decisions regarding support, provided that they are within the limits of the law.

If you or other individuals are unable or unwilling to assume additional support responsibilities, this should be addressed with respect and understanding, and the opinions and needs of other children should also be considered.

Ultimately, a mutually agreed upon support plan should concentrate on the actual circumstances and requirements of the elderly, as well as the actual circumstances and capabilities of each child.

In the case of multiple children, it is essential to develop a long-term support plan that includes provisions for food, medical care, housing, transportation, and other essentials to ensure the quality of life and safety of the elderly.

In summary, when addressing the issue of elderly care, it is essential to respect the wishes and needs of the elderly while also considering the actual situation and difficulties of each child.

By establishing consensus, clarifying the division of responsibilities, respecting individual wishes, formulating feasible plans, and establishing effective communication channels, we can ensure the rights and interests of the elderly while maintaining family harmony and unity.

I hope this information is useful to you.

Hello.

Your parents are getting old. Supporting them in their old age will become an issue. The elderly have simple but particular opinions. Are they asking you to take care of them alone?

Why did they ask you to take care of them? We don't know why.

Do they want you to take care of them all by yourself, or until they grow old?

It's stressful taking care of your parents alone. Wouldn't it be better if you and your siblings took turns?

It's stressful. You feel your parents are unfair and unjust. Give yourself a warm hug.

You can also talk to your siblings. As long as your parents can take care of themselves, you should help them as much as you can. If one day, one of your parents can't take care of themselves, you can still take the lead, and the other siblings can also take turns to take care of your parents.

Parents have their reasons, and we can only guess.

Your family is a multi-child family. There is one boy and four girls. The boy is the only one who stands out. The eldest, second-eldest, and youngest are more prominent in birth order.

The parents chose a son, the first or second child, or the youngest.

If you are a boy, you are the only son in your family. This shows that your parents have traditional views and different expectations of you from their daughter. They believe you are the future of the family and want you to take over the family business and responsibilities.

Raising children to provide for old age, they will rely on their only son.

2. If you are the eldest child, you often take on more family responsibilities. You usually understand the importance of taking responsibility earlier.

The eldest child is like a father or mother to the rest of the family. This is because they are the first child of the parents.

The firstborn gets more attention and learns to take responsibility early. This may include caring for the elderly.

3. If you are the second child, parents often pay you the least attention, but you are the most filial.

The second child will receive less attention but will cherish their parents' love more. They may be more adept at handling family arguments and strive to maintain family harmony. The second child may be more considerate because they were neglected as a child.

Parents choose the second child because they realize that the second child is the most filial, hardworking, and able to shoulder family responsibilities.

4. If you are the youngest child, your parents love you the most and ask the other children to take care of you.

The youngest child is usually the healthiest and strongest. This gives them more energy to care for their parents. Parents often ask the youngest child to take care of them in their old age.

5. If you're the wealthiest, parents may also consider the financial burden.

Caring for your parents in their old age costs money. If you have more money than your sisters, your parents will think you can afford it.

6. If you're a medical worker, your parents need you for their health. If you have a good relationship with your parents and they like you, then they need you for emotional support.

Your parents made this decision because of one of your outstanding merits. However, things change over time, and your parents' decision is not set in stone.

If your parents see that you can't do it, are exhausted, or can't afford it, they'll reconsider elderly care. Practice, then make corrections. It's a reasonable process.

Love yourself.

Wu Feikong's analysis:

This is a complex situation involving family responsibilities and caregiving. Here are some things to think about:

Family Consultation: Have an honest discussion about how to share the responsibility of caring for your parents. Make arrangements according to your work and life situation to avoid one person bearing an excessive burden.

If siblings can care for their parents together, they can make a schedule to share the work.

You can ask for help from community or professional organizations to learn about resources for elderly care.

If parents need more care, they can hire someone to help.

Respect their wishes, listen to them, and work together to create a suitable care plan.

It's important to understand and support each other in these situations. I hope you and your family can find the best way to care for your parents and support each other.