My pride is too strong, and it has caused problems in my life. What should I do?

Perhaps it would be helpful to consider that you do, in fact, have a certain perspective on this school and your class, and that you have expressed this perspective in a number of ways. It's understandable that you might have forgotten that you are also a member of this community. It's also worth noting that, in addition to your classmates, you may have a similar perspective on yourself.

It seems that your confrontation is not only with them, but also with yourself in the present moment. If you cannot break away from this state of affairs, it may be challenging to accept failure in exams and to embrace a new way of being.

As you mentioned, "unable to accept one's own failure," it seems there may be some room for improvement in this area.

This is self-esteem, but it can also be a misguided or misplaced orientation. If you avoid putting yourself in a "look down upon" mentality, but simply strive to improve yourself and adjust your expectations for the future, you may find it easier to interact with classmates who don't want to improve.

It's possible that your classmates aren't thinking about laughing at you, aren't envious of your efforts and ambitions, and don't care about your successes or failures. It's also possible that you're just fighting against your own imagination and conjectures.

I believe that self-esteem is not necessarily established by looking down on others. It is often associated with self-improvement. Self-esteem is the internal positioning and direction of the self, and does not require external feedback or comparison.

Perhaps we could consider that acting with greater determination, having a clearer direction, and having sufficient strength to face even failure might be beneficial.

I hope you find happiness.

Hello! I'll give you a hug.

People don't care about us as much as we think.

They don't care if we're tired or fly high. Only we care about us.

You went to your teacher to discuss your internship and exam preparations, but the teacher made a big deal out of it. I think the teacher will forget about it or stop caring about it.

He might have meant to motivate others, not make fun of you.

Your classmates may have laughed at you because you were so diligent. Maybe they did, but they got over it.

They're not helping you by laughing at your jokes. It just makes them look better.

Your ego was too strong, so the jokes of others affected your performance and you failed the exam.

Let's look at this event from a different perspective. In a few years, you'll probably feel indifferent about things you cared about deeply at the time.

When we were kids, we cried when another child took our toy. Our parents said, "What's the big deal?" Now, we'd probably say, "That's no big deal," because we've grown up.

In three or five years, you'll probably think the things that bother you now were no big deal.

We can also talk about the width of the crowd. Everyone will meet many people in their lives. Some are just acquaintances, while others are close. But our hearts can't hold so many. It's good to pay attention to a few close people. Most other people are just passing through. We may not have the energy to pay attention to them.

You're worried about what other people think of you. You're self-centered.

Look at other people. Do you know what they need? What are they thinking? What makes them happy? You may find that you don't know much about other people.

Does Li Si care about him?

Think about a few more people, and you'll see that you don't pay that much attention to others. The same is true for other people.

The current pursuit of recognition means nothing for the future. Other people don't pay that much attention to us. So just let it go.

We are our own judges. What others think, let it go.

I'm Buddhist and pessimistic, but I'm also positive and motivated. I love the world.

Good morning,

I am Huizuko, and I am dedicated to personal growth. After reading your description, I feel a strong resonance. I also had a similar experience to yours. I once studied in a class that was not as motivated as it could have been, and I had to work hard to prepare for the college entrance exam. Therefore, I had to fight against the pressure of the exam and the negative influence of the people around me at the same time. It is easy to waste energy, so it is normal to have a poor performance in the exam. I wish you the best of luck in the second battle of the college entrance exam. I also hope that some of my thoughts and experiences can help you.

☘️ First, I would like to present the psychological concept of "task separation." Understanding this concept can effectively address a vast majority of interpersonal relationship issues. We can comprehend this concept in the following ways:

Ideally, each of us is an independent individual with clearly defined boundaries. In the state of topic separation, you are fully aware of your objectives and aspirations in life. You have complete autonomy over your own life.

2. It is important to understand that while you have the ability to make your own decisions regarding your whereabouts and life choices, you cannot control the attitudes and emotions of others towards you. Therefore, you should not concern yourself with the comments and opinions of others about you, as these are beyond your control.

3. It is advisable to focus your attention on topics that you can control, that is, your own goals and plans, and to minimise or even avoid excessive attention to other people's topics. It is important to remember that we have no control over what others think of us or whether they like us. Attending to things we cannot control can lead to feelings of powerlessness, meaninglessness and a lack of control.

From this perspective, the root cause of your distress can be attributed to the misallocation of your time and energy. Rather than investing these resources in your own topics, such as preparing for the postgraduate entrance exam or future planning, you have directed them toward others' topics. These include concerns about how others perceive you, whether they are taking the postgraduate entrance exam, and whether they are studying hard.

Therefore, from a psychological perspective, my objective is to help you establish a clear distinction between yourself and your classmates. In other words, they are individuals with their own choices and preferences, while you are a unique entity with your own set of priorities and actions. You have the autonomy to choose to study rigorously, while your classmates may opt for different approaches, including not studying or even discussing your academic performance. However, these external influences will not alter your personal decision to pursue academic excellence.

While you have grasped this concept, it will take time and practice to integrate it into your daily life. Over the coming weeks, I encourage you to take part in the following exercises to help you develop a clear sense of personal and social boundaries. This will be invaluable in preparing for the exam and navigating future challenges.

1. Utilize visualization techniques to establish clear boundaries with others.

You have indicated that you frequently experience discomfort when in the presence of your colleagues. This suggests that you tend to focus on the challenges and issues that others are facing. When you next interact with your colleagues, it may be helpful to imagine a clear and defined boundary between you and them. This can help to create a sense of safety and control within your own personal space, allowing you to focus on your own tasks and concerns without being distracted by external issues.

2. Demonstrating empathy, respect, and understanding for the choices and issues of others represents the most complete form of liberation for oneself.

In accordance with the principle of separating topics, each individual is entitled to determine the course of their own life. Consequently, your classmates' decision not to study or discuss you is just as valid as your own choice to pursue academic excellence.

I would like to invite you to take a moment to observe your classmates. You may notice that they have chosen not to work hard because they are content with the status quo, have low self-esteem, are lazy, or for other reasons. You may also notice that you, who have made a different choice, are experiencing feelings of jealousy and anxiety.

Therefore, their judgments of you are also a result of their inability to process their emotions and engage in constructive self-reflection. When you recognize this, you will understand that you are not the object of their emotions, and ultimately, they are the ones being evaluated. This is the underlying reason why you cannot control their attitude towards you.

Once you have a clear understanding of the situation, you will be better equipped to handle it with less blame and more compassion and empathy. It is important to remember that everyone is responsible for their own choices, and you are solely responsible for your own actions.

It is important to understand others, but it is equally important not to interfere in other people's lives.

3. Use meditation to help yourself cope with extreme emotions. It is possible to remain calm and rational even when we are emotional. Practice separating emotions from actions.

When irritability arises, I suggest a brief meditation exercise. First, pause your activity, then focus on deep breathing. Finally, detach from your immediate self as an objective observer. Next, describe your emotional state and thoughts in a calm and objective manner. Then, communicate with the emotion in a patient and calm manner, attempting to calm it down.

One possible approach is to engage in self-talk in the following manner:

"I can see that I am currently experiencing a troubling emotion, as evidenced by the fact that my classmates are discussing me over there. This is very disturbing to me, and it is affecting my ability to concentrate on my studies. I am starting to feel worried and irritable, and I am also experiencing a degree of shame.

My breathing rate increased, my heart rate accelerated, and my face became slightly flushed. However, this is a normal physiological response to emotions.

Despite the ongoing disagreement, I am confident that my resolve will not be affected. My current priority is preparing for the exam. I acknowledge the presence of this challenging emotion and recognize its potential to impede my progress. However, I am determined to maintain control and ensure that external influences do not impact my performance. Your concerns are valid, but I am equipped to handle them. Ultimately, they will not affect my exam outcome.

"I will continue with my studies, but you are welcome to stay for a while longer. I will return to provide comfort after I have completed my tasks for the day."

If you take the time to interact with your emotions in a patient and constructive manner, you will find that they dissipate quickly. It is crucial to recognize that you possess the capacity to manage your emotions effectively. By engaging with your emotions and communicating with them, you can foster a more positive and productive relationship.

I wish you the utmost success in your upcoming examinations and hope that these experiments in life will bring joy and insight to your journey of preparation.

Good day, inquirer.

From your description, it is evident that the incident in question has had a profound and ongoing impact on you.

Furthermore, it is evident that you are a diligent and driven individual. When considered alongside your current awareness of this matter and your efforts to identify ways to adjust your mindset, this represents a significant shift. What is your perspective on this matter?

You have described how communication with your teacher has had a negative impact on you, even affecting your current examination. You feel that you are avoiding the situation internally, and even feel a sense of confrontation. It is important to note that this is not your fault, as everyone's feelings about the same situation are different, and there is no right or wrong in feelings.

You have already observed the impact this has had on you, which has even led to a desire to disengage from the people and activities associated with school. I would like to inquire as to whether you have considered the sources of strength that support you. Despite the discomfort you are experiencing, you are consistently seeking answers. How might you break through and overcome these challenges?

It is inevitable that individuals will encounter confusion at various points in their lives. This can impede progress, as you have experienced. It is, therefore, important to consider making adjustments to your mentality. To this end, I would like to invite you to imagine a scenario in which this negative mentality is replaced by a more positive one. What feelings would you experience? What actions would you take?

If these negative feelings were to dissipate, would there be any discernible difference in your current state? And to whom would this change be apparent?

From your description, it is evident that you possess a profound awareness and a desire to alter your mindset in order to enhance your preparation for the examination. Is this an accurate interpretation?

The objective of this discourse is to proffer a few suggestions that may assist the reader in modifying their cognitive processes and approaching the situation with fortitude.

The initial step is to learn how to release negative emotions.

As you have described, as a result of the incident, you elected to avoid it, found it disagreeable to hear about school, and were reluctant to see anyone from school. Indeed, these emotions have long been present within you, and you have not yet released them. If you wish to release these emotions, you must engage in conversation with someone, as discussing one's emotions is an extremely beneficial activity. When one talks about one's emotions, it may also be an occasion to release them. I believe that when you came here to ask questions, you were hoping to solve the problem, and secondly, you courageously spoke up, which is a change.

It is also possible to release these negative emotions through physical exercise. Once the emotions have been expressed, the individual may experience a reduction in stress levels. During exercise, the hormone dopamine is secreted, which produces a sense of pleasure. Furthermore, exercise is beneficial for the brain. Therefore, it is recommended that the individual engage in more exercise.

Secondly, it is advisable to seek assistance from external resources.

The incident you encountered is referred to as a "trauma" in psychological literature. As previously stated, individuals may experience these events in varying ways, potentially influenced by their familial upbringing. There is no definitive "correct" or "incorrect" response. If desired, one can seek assistance from a qualified professional counselor. These practitioners employ evidence-based psychological techniques to assist individuals in modifying their cognitive and emotional responses.

For example, cognitive therapy, also known as the ABC theory, can assist in understanding that the traumatic experience is not the event itself, but rather a perception or thought associated with it. Hypnosis can also be employed to facilitate the recollection of the distressing sensations experienced at the time. The hypnotist can provide guidance, instilling strength and courage to confront the memories.

It is imperative to have faith in oneself.

From your description, it is evident that you are a highly motivated and energetic individual who is determined to persevere. However, in the face of significant challenges, it is natural to experience moments of doubt and a desire to escape. When you feel like giving up, it is crucial to remind yourself of your abilities and capabilities. One effective method is to close your eyes and repeat positive affirmations, such as "It's okay, I can and I will breathe deeply." These techniques can help you adjust your mindset and reinforce your belief in yourself.

In conclusion, it can be stated that, provided the requisite willingness is present, the desired change in this uncomfortable feeling is achievable. This is because life has the capacity to heal those who are willing to be healed, and we ourselves are experts at solving problems.

It is essential to cultivate a positive outlook, offer oneself constructive suggestions, and develop self-acceptance. This is a common phenomenon that can be effectively addressed through a combination of awareness and practice. While not everyone may initially be able to fully transcend their current perspective, with continued effort and commitment, significant improvements can be observed.

From the description, it is evident that the questioner is studious and motivated, yet perplexed. He is adept at locating resources, such as consulting teachers, to facilitate progress. However, pursuing knowledge has recently become a source of concern. Despite this awareness, the questioner has become mired in confusion and has lost sight of his initial objective. It is possible that he needs to distinguish between his desire to pursue further studies for personal growth and his apprehension about failure and social scrutiny. In my opinion, there is a distinction between pursuing knowledge to achieve a higher level and deriving satisfaction from disdain for one's school and class. The former is a commendable pursuit, while the latter represents a cognitive issue that I will not delve into further. The most effective means of understanding this distinction is through observation of the individual's actions. It is not clear why the questioner is seeking an explanation at this time.

It is not necessary to provide an exhaustive explanation for every aspect of one's life. The most crucial objective is to maintain a sense of moral rectitude.

The objective is evident: it is imperative to discern the veracity of the matter at hand.

Growth based on self-reflection represents a genuine process of self-development.

The individual's objective is to attend college, yet they are confronted with significant challenges. For instance, an admirable quality exhibited by the teacher is often perceived as a negative trait. Those who are studious and motivated may be viewed as disrespectful towards the institution. Similarly, those who strive diligently but are overly concerned with external pressures may face difficulties in the examination process. Additionally, individuals who prioritize their own aspirations may be seen as disregarding the opinions of others. It is evident that navigating these challenges can be challenging and require a great deal of self-reflection and resilience.

Feng Tang posited that there are only two categories of matters: those that are none of one's business and those that are none of another's business. While his assertion may be perceived as blunt, it is nonetheless logical. I am in agreement with his perspective, having previously held a strong sense of self-esteem and a tendency to prioritize the opinions of others, which ultimately led to a lack of clarity regarding my own boundaries and a concomitant sense of suffering. It was only after encountering a significant obstacle that I came to understand the value of self-compassion and a more relaxed approach to life's challenges. This resonates with the insight espoused by Mr. Yang Jiang, who observed that "the world is your own, and it has nothing to do with other people." While this may be a straightforward concept to grasp, its practical application is often challenging.

It is recommended that one listen to one's inner voice and take action in accordance with its guidance.

Self-esteem can be defined as an individual's judgment and feelings about their abilities and value. It is recommended that individuals listen to their hearts, get to know and accept themselves, and learn to build on their strengths and avoid their weaknesses.

Self-esteem is an innate quality that influences one's values and behaviors. Having high self-esteem is beneficial as it encourages individuals to strive for a better life. However, just as water can either facilitate or hinder a boat's journey, self-esteem can either encourage or impede one's actions.

An excess of self-esteem may result in an overestimation of one's abilities and a lack of recognition of one's shortcomings. This can lead to a reluctance to adapt or correct oneself, and an inclination to maintain a humble disposition, acknowledging mistakes and transforming them into valuable insights. Conversely, an insufficient level of self-esteem may give rise to feelings of inadequacy and self-doubt. In such instances, fostering self-assurance and resisting self-doubt becomes crucial. When considering the opinions of others, it is essential to discern which elements are constructive and discard the rest. This process of discernment can facilitate personal growth. Ultimately, the most crucial aspect is to remain true to oneself.

My personal principle is to "focus on the task, not the person." I recommend that you take a moment to reflect on your life. Consider how you would view your situation if you were to look back in five or ten years. If you aspire to attend college, I advise you to pursue that goal with dedication. Even if you are unsuccessful, you can maintain a sense of pride because you are acting in accordance with your own aspirations, rather than in response to external expectations.

Feng Tang's nine-character mantra, which he refers to as his "attitude of no hurry, no fear, no shame," is one that I find particularly appealing.

The only means of avoiding suffering is to help oneself.

It is my humble opinion that you consider the following.

The state of peace and safety

Hello, I'm Fei Yun, your mindfulness coach.

I can feel your loneliness and helplessness, my friend. Because of your study problems, your teacher has blown things out of proportion, burdening you with thoughts that have led to failure and rejection. You are now full of worry and fear, afraid of other people's stares, their comments about you, and the fear of failing again. You can't face reality, and I understand why.

Let's give each other a big hug and take a look at the problems that trouble you and the solutions together.

1. First, it's really important to recognize your emotions and the need for satisfaction.

You're so sensitive and care about this matter because you feel that you haven't received the respect you deserve from your teacher. He's expanded his knowledge and made you the person in the "spotlight," subjecting you to even greater pressure.

You have a strong sense of self-improvement, want to pursue progress, and have clear goals. Your teacher should have encouraged and supported you, but this structure made you feel like you had lost trust in your teacher. You felt like you couldn't let out your anger, and it was really upsetting. But you are stubborn, and we all have a hidden inferiority complex within us, so you turned this frustration into motivation: you must prepare for the exam well.

But this unmotivated brain always has two little people fighting non-stop. One moment it comes out and tells you to study hard and focus on preparing for the exam, and the next moment it comes out and reminds you that the teacher and classmates are staring at you, waiting to see your joke.

Our energy is limited, and such internal conflicts can really drain your energy. So, where can you concentrate on preparing for the exam? The result is probably going to be the same.

You know, the more you try not to care, the more you tend to care too much. And the more you try not to care, the more you tend to care too much. It's a vicious cycle! But here's the thing: "Attention will definitely be strengthened."

?2. You can start to build your strength by affirming and accepting yourself.

As the saying goes, "Don't cry over spilled milk." We've all been there! It's time to focus on improving and repairing ourselves.

Our whole life is a journey of growing and learning. We're constantly becoming more aware of ourselves, exploring our own thoughts and feelings, and understanding our true selves.

It's time to get to know yourself again. You want to break away from this environment and "stand out." You have the strength to do so, because having a goal is already a major success. The next step is to adjust your mindset. You've got this!

This means we need to understand confidence better. Usually, we think confidence means two things:

1) Confidence comes from lots of different places! Fame and wealth, material things like fancy cars and brands, and the praise and approval of others can all help us feel more valuable and boost our self-confidence.

But when we lose these external supports, we can end up feeling pretty down and hopeless. It's as if, in an invisible way, we've handed over the right to choose and decide to someone else.

"I told you you couldn't do it," "You're a loser."

2) True self-confidence means having confidence in yourself as a person. He is also full of confidence in the future. Because he is convinced of his own value, he doesn't worry about the stares or comments of others, especially negative comments.

So, keep on giving yourself that lovely positive feedback! You are confident, and there is absolutely no need to prove everything. It's only when we don't know where our value lies that we have to prove it.

Does the richest man in the world need to prove that he is rich? It's often when we have nothing that we need to prove something. I'm sure you've had this feeling too!

There's still some time before next year's exam, so don't worry! Apart from revising for the exam, you can also cultivate and train your emotional intelligence, such as "awareness." By writing about your awareness, you can build a good sense of self-perception and allow yourself to have emotions: anger, fear, and grievances. At the same time, you can also perceive the emotional needs behind these emotions.

You can also try meditation to keep your connection with yourself, with others, and with yourself. Learning is for a better life, and life is not only about learning, but also about relationships with other people.

I'm sure this will also help you to complete this important task in your life!

I really hope this helps you, and I love you and the world too! ??

If you'd like to keep chatting, just click 'Find a coach' in the top right or bottom of the page. I'd love to keep in touch and see you grow and flourish!