My roommate is more dominant, and I am more easygoing. How do I get along with someone who is dominant and controlling?

Good morning.

A gentle tap on the shoulder to let you know there's no need to rush. When it comes to getting along with roommates or friends, it's important to remember that establishing your own space, maintaining an appropriate distance, expressing your refusal, and expressing your true feelings are all essential aspects of self-care. By doing so, you're not only creating your own space but also gently letting the other person know that you value your personal space and boundaries.

Perhaps if we consider this from another angle, it might appear that you are the one causing the problem. Let's take a moment to identify the source of the issue and explore how I can express myself in a way that respects your feelings.

It is important to maintain an appropriate distance between friends.

I have a roommate in the dormitory who often goes to class and gets off work with me. She is a relatively strong personality, and I am more easygoing, but there are things about her that make me feel uncomfortable. For example, after you get close to her, she likes to tease you a bit. If you explain to her, she will say why you are explaining, and then say that you are serious and you can't chat, and so on. If I change the subject and don't want to chat anymore, she will point this out and say that you switched the subject so abruptly.

When we engage in social interactions, it is natural for us to maintain an appropriate social distance. This is because everyone needs a personal space when talking to others. This personal space can vary according to cultural background, environment, profession, and personality. Social distance can also reflect relationships, psychological states, and cultural characteristics.

As an example, the distance in intimate relationships is often less than 45 cm, while in ordinary friendships it is often 45 cm to 1.2 meters, and in unfamiliar relationships with the public it is generally greater than 1.2 meters to 3.6 meters.

This physical distance is akin to the psychological boundary in communication. Just as when a friend takes a strong and imposing stance and expresses their feelings, thoughts, or demands, and the questioner feels uncomfortable or awkward, the questioner can respectfully decline, indicating that the other person's behavior has crossed the questioner's boundaries and that they hope the other person will respect them and refrain from making random comments or accusations.

It is worth noting that the questioner has mentioned that his personality is easygoing, which may mean that he is subconsciously afraid of or avoids such strong behavior. However, it is important to understand that clearly telling the other person that their actions have violated your principles and bottom line is not imposing or attacking the other person. Rather, it is an active warning from a sense of self-preservation.

For instance, it is commonly understood that children do not yet have a fully developed sense of right and wrong. This lack of understanding does not, however, give them free rein to indulge their desires or engage in destructive behavior.

It is not uncommon to observe a scenario in which a child throws a tantrum and uses all his resources to obtain a toy from his mother. The toy may pose a financial burden to the family. In such a case, the mother may offer appropriate comfort to the child. When the limit of patience is reached, the mother may turn away to avoid a scene that could potentially lead to conflict. It is often observed that the child will immediately stop crying, chase after the mother, and the mother will then extend a gentle hand to stroke the child's forehead and comfort the child, promising to buy it for him in the future. The child feels respected and will let go of his tantrum.

It is not uncommon for conflicts to arise due to differences in position, perception, and personality. While these differences can lead to friction, maintaining boundaries can help to respect the other person's feelings and situation. It also demonstrates a willingness to understand and tolerate, which can foster intimacy.

It might be helpful to learn to say no to things that make you feel uncomfortable.

She has a tendency to trouble others. If you don't agree, she may employ a variety of tactics, both gentle and assertive, until you concur. Alternatively, she might first offer you a small snack or praise you in some way without explicitly mentioning her request. I do, however, have reservations about her approach to conveying her intentions. If you're unable to discern her motives, you may respond in a way that is unclear to her, or she may obtain the information she seeks. I believe I can anticipate her actions from the outset.

It can sometimes be challenging to identify with each other's thoughts when we're in close proximity. Without careful consideration, these thoughts can lead to misunderstandings or conflicts. We may feel inclined to speak our minds, but we often hold back. This is often because we mistakenly believe that expressing our true feelings or "refusing" is an act of attacking and denying the other person. However, is this truly the case? When I refuse someone's actions, am I really denying them?

It is easy to mistake behavior for personality and to assume that denying one person's behavior is denying their personality. In getting along with each other, we will find that a person's personality has both advantages and disadvantages. It is therefore not possible to say that a certain type of personality is good or bad. A friend's personality may be strong but proactive when encountering problems, while the questioner's personality is easygoing but may shrink back when facing difficulties. It is important to consider the context and the degree of personality being expressed.

It is important to remember that a friend's personality is formed from a young age in different educational environments. This makes it challenging for one person to easily change it. In addition, a friend's ability to perceive emotions plays a significant role. If the questioner feels that their personal space is constantly being compressed when they are with their friend, it may be helpful to maintain an appropriate distance. If they feel uncomfortable during the process of getting along with their friend, it may be beneficial to promptly express their "refusal" and true feelings. This can help to ensure that both parties are able to get along harmoniously. However, it is also important to recognize that avoiding the problem or placing all the blame on the other person may not be the most constructive approach. Everyone prefers to be evaluated objectively, so it is essential to consider this when making decisions.

I wish you the best of luck and hope you can persevere.

Hello, my dear friend! I'll give you a warm hug from afar first.

It's totally normal to feel distressed when you have a strong-willed friend who always wants to control you in your life and studies. It can make you feel disrespected, misunderstood, aggrieved, angry, helpless, and powerless.

I just want to say that how others treat you in a relationship is largely taught by you. It's so important to remember that how you treat yourself is how others treat you.

I know this might feel a little uncomfortable at first, but I promise it'll be worth it! When you take a moment to calm down and reflect on your interactions with someone who is always dominant and good at controlling, you might realize that you've allowed yourself to be treated this way in some way.

It's okay to feel uncomfortable, disrespected, and misunderstood by someone with a strong personality and a desire to control others. It's not easy to express your true feelings and needs in these situations. But it's important to try! Let this friend know that his actions are hurting you, making you feel uncomfortable, and that you cannot be treated this way. What are you worried about and afraid of behind your choice to suppress and hide your true feelings?

For example, being rejected, being rejected, being alienated... So what does this mean to you? Does it mean that you are not good enough?

It's totally normal to feel like you can't be open and honest about your feelings when you're in a relationship. It's often because we lack self-acceptance, confidence, or even an inferiority complex. When we're not aware of these things, we might unintentionally project our lack of self-acceptance onto the people around us. We might even think that no one else will accept us for who we are! This can make us extremely sensitive and passive in relationships. We also tend to pay a lot of attention to what others think of us.

So, it's really important for you to try to learn to accept yourself and build up your self-confidence. You can do this by making a list of all the things you like about yourself. When you're more accepting of yourself, you can see all your great qualities and work on your weaknesses.

Hi, I'm Lily, the little listener at the Q&A Pavilion. I just wanted to say that I love you all and I love the world too!