My roommate is nice, but she always spreads anxiety. What should I do?

Hello, host!

Your description was powerful. This situation is common among students. It was the same when we were young. Some people say uncomfortable things. It doesn't help. It spreads anxiety and gets sympathy.

Some people are easygoing, but the poster is also easily influenced by others, which makes him very anxious. Let's take a look at how to do it.

1. Communicate and tell the other person what you are thinking. Just say that you are a more sensitive person. You may not have meant it, but after hearing it, I became more anxious than you, and it made me feel bad. You have also said that this classmate is actually quite nice, so your clear notification may cause her to restrain herself, which is also better for her.

2. Deal with anxiety properly. School anxiety, thesis anxiety, these are all normal anxieties. A certain amount of pressure can also give you motivation, so you can guide your friends to face pressure and anxiety together. Set a plan and stick to it. The thesis cycle is a few months, so complete the opening report by *month* *day*, the experiment by *month* *day*, and the first draft by *month* *day*. Once you have a plan and put it into action, you won't be as anxious.

Let me be clear: shouting isn't going to help.

3. The best way to properly resist anxiety is to exercise. You need to run or swim every day to feel relaxed and happy. Take time to go hiking with friends, go on an outing, or watch a movie, eat a chocolate bar, drink a cup of milk tea – these are all ways to cheer yourself up. If your friend says something similar to you again, just avoid the topic and say, "Relax, let's change the subject. Here, have a chocolate bar..." "Come on, let's go for a walk and soak up some sun..."

4. If she complains via WeChat, don't reply immediately. Take your time and say you haven't seen it. You don't need to reply every minute or hour. You'll only make yourself anxious. Everyone will be anxious if this happens.

Every half an hour, an hour, or even longer, send her a "hug" emoji. Don't say anything more. She'll forget about it.

If you're still struggling to find relief from your anxiety, it might be time to consider distancing yourself from the situation. If a friend is consistently bringing you down, what's the point in having them in your life? That's a decision only you can make.

I am sending you my best wishes for happiness and laughter.

The original poster is good.

I'm Kelly Shui, a heart detective.

Your roommate is nice but spreads anxiety. What should you do?

You consider others' needs in every situation. You're a nice person, but you can't let her anxiety affect you.

[First, get to know yourself]

1: How to protect yourself if you're highly sensitive.

In many Western cultures, highly sensitive people are bullied.

Saying no and protecting yourself helps avoid confusion.

You can learn to stay away from people with "negative energy" after understanding your own personality.

If you're highly sensitive, being around an optimistic person will have a positive effect.

It's a choice.

2: We all have to deal with these people, so we can learn about ourselves, keep a record of our emotions, and think about why we feel the way we do.

Let's take an example.

Am I feeling anxious right now?

Why are you feeling this way?

When we're aware, we can tell the difference between our emotions and others'.

Why do these small things she says make you so upset?

Do others feel this way too?

Ask yourself these questions:

How do I feel now?

Why did I react this way?

What do I need when I'm like this?

Are you worried about these things?

How can you avoid these things?

For example, you may have been fine with many things, but after she dramatized them, you also became annoyed. She complained to you about her thesis, and you also became anxious.

Use this time to prepare for your studies.

Get ready. Will you still be anxious?

3: Tell your roommate about your stress.

It will also help her see that her anxiety affects others.

Everyone gets anxious, but they should manage it themselves. Don't complain and make others anxious.

I agree. Maybe if you tell her, she'll grow up too.

Be honest with her, and don't let her rely on you.

[Increase your resilience]

1: You say your roommate is sensitive. If you distance yourself from her, it may hurt her feelings.

How do you protect yourself when she hurts you?

In 2007, Japanese writer Watanabe Junichi first proposed the term "blunt sensitivity," which is literally translated as "the power of dullness."

Psychological resilience is the positive personality trait that helps you deal with stressful events, avoid their effects, and improve your mental health.

Other research subjects are similar to bluntness, such as psychological resilience, defense mechanisms, and coping.

2: If she complains on WeChat, should you reply half-heartedly after a long interval?

If she doesn't get a quick reply, she may not complain to you.

Try this method.

If you don't allow her, she'll find other ways.

Our emotional insensitivity protects us from negative emotions.

Highly sensitive people need to learn to be less affected by negative emotions.

For example, don't reply, pretend you didn't see it, and keep unfriendly things out.

This is one way.

Stay relaxed and set your own pace.

Read the book The Power of Indifference.

Hope you're well.

Hello.

Patting your roommate on the shoulder, you can feel that as a roommate, as well as your own strong empathy, you are understanding and tolerant of your roommate's spreading negative energy. But no matter how much tolerance and patience you have, when the negative energy continues to accumulate, you will feel depressed, and it may finally explode.

My roommate always spreads negative energy.

The description makes it clear that the roommate is extremely prone to negative emotions and that complaining has become a fixed response when they feel negative emotions. It is normal to feel a sense of complaint when something doesn't go your way, but using complaining as a way to relieve negative emotions every time you encounter them is actually very detrimental to personal growth.

The first person affected by negativity is the questioner herself, as well as her roommates. If they don't feel negative emotions, they may still be tolerant and understanding. However, if they are constantly bombarded with negative energy, their interpersonal relationships will suffer. Nobody wants to be surrounded by negativity.

Take control of the situation. When you meet friends who like to spread negative energy, take charge.

It is crucial to take responsibility for one's emotions. Without this, relationships will not flourish. When the questioner feels negative energy but chooses to endure or avoid it because they are afraid of damaging their relationship, they are hurting themselves and others. They are also causing a greater negative impact. With her roommate, she is unable to recognize the nature of the problem and her negative thinking cannot be corrected. As for the questioner, whenever conflicts and contradictions arise, she is prone to cowardice. Over time, in interpersonal relationships, she will lose her ability to express herself, miss the opportunity to express herself, and will not be able to say "no" to unreasonable demands in time.

For example, when a friend habitually expresses, "I'm so tired, life is so short!" the questioner can use positive thinking to guide her at this time, pointing out her habitual response without criticism: "Tell me what has happened that would make you think this way.

You need to look at the reasons more optimistically. There are still many beautiful things waiting to be discovered.

"

Another example: "Why is the environment at our school so bad?" The questioner can answer, "There's no reason to describe it as 'bad'."

If you always think this way, there is no way to help you.

Later, when you go to work, your boss asks you to complete a very demanding task that is not within your scope of work. When you are in a difficult situation, you can also directly express your refusal: "I'm sorry, but I can't do that right now. I hope you understand" (everyone has the right to choose to say no).

In interpersonal relationships, maintaining a sense of mutual boundaries is essential for effectively expressing our feelings and thoughts. Without it, our timidity or anxiety can lead to significant negative consequences.

You've got this! Stay strong!

Happy New Year! I really hope my answer can help you a little.

After reading your description, I can tell you're a kind person. But when you're living with someone who always seems to bring you down, it's hard not to get affected by it. I can see you're feeling apprehensive, which is totally understandable. But you also care about this roommate and don't want to hurt her feelings, right?

So, what can we do to help?

I really want to help you, so here's my advice:

It's totally understandable to feel annoyed by your roommate's complaints. It's also okay to let her express them, even if you don't agree with her.

It's true, this is her pattern, this is how she exists, and her pattern must also bring her certain benefits, which is why she keeps it up. But it can be tough for her to see her own patterns at the conscious level, as these operate very quickly in the subconscious.

It's important to remember that her current behavior has been influenced by so many things over the years, like her own growth experience, educational background, and living environment. If she doesn't want to change, it can be tough for us to change her, but we can try!

As it says in "A Change of Heart," there are only three things in the world: your own affairs, other people's affairs, and the affairs of heaven. It's so easy to get caught up in worrying about other people's affairs when we don't even control our own! It's true that a roommate's actions and thoughts are really her own business, and it can be tough to change.

We can adjust our thoughts. We can try to adjust our expectations of her, accept her as she is, accept her pattern of complaining about love, and allow her to present her pattern. In this way, when she displays this pattern again, you won't be as annoyed, because you know that this is her, this is how she is, and this is her pattern.

It's important to remember that accepting and allowing her doesn't mean you have to agree with her. It just means letting her be herself so you can relax. But if you agree with her, you might find yourself getting too caught up in her emotions.

2. You can try to express your own feelings and needs to your roommate. It's important to remember that you have the right to express yourself!

I know you don't like it when your roommate complains to you, and I'm here to help! It's important to express your feelings and needs in a way that's respectful and understanding. If you don't, she might not know what you're thinking, and her behavior might continue. But don't worry! You can use non-violent communication to express yourself in a way that's constructive and doesn't cause conflict or harm. This can actually help your relationship grow and make you understand each other better.

It's so important to remember that communication isn't about proving who's right and who's wrong. It's about understanding each other better! The steps of non-violent communication are: state the objective facts, express your feelings, express your needs, and express your specific requests to the other person.

So, it's really important to be careful not to criticise or accuse the other person. Instead, you can say something like, "I know you said the thesis was difficult to write, and I also felt discouraged after listening to you. I felt very uncomfortable, sad, and frustrated. I especially care about some of the things you said. I also need more encouragement and support from you, as well as more respect and understanding from you. I hope that in the future you can (state your specific request)." Then, you can also listen to her feelings, needs, and requests to see what she is thinking deep down.

This way, you can share your thoughts in a way that's most effective, build a strong connection, and I truly believe it will help your relationship grow.

I hope this is helpful for you! Wishing you all the best!