My roommate on the top bunk seems to always wrap herself up, and I want to help her.

Hello, Friday! I'm Will, your counselor.

I appreciate your trust and invitation to answer.

After reading your question, I can say with confidence that a roommate's words and deeds will inevitably affect us, given that we are close friends at university. I commend you for your kind and caring actions towards your roommate. Let's discuss this issue together.

(1) First, from the perspective of helping and self-help.

As a helper, you want to help your roommate. From the description of the problem, it is clear that

"She refuses to talk when we ask her."

"She never cries to us about what's going on, and she doesn't answer when we ask her."

If this roommate does not want help or intervention in her inner world, we cannot force it upon her. She has the freedom to choose how she lives her life, and if she does not want to change, there is little anyone can do.

From the description of the problem, it's clear that some of her words, deeds, and actions are different from those of the other roommates. However, they don't reach the level of intervention that's needed at the moment. We also need to set boundaries.

(2) What else can we do?

We can't just stand by and do nothing. As her roommate, I know her "sobs," "ignoring and crying," and "face covered in tears" would affect anyone. I have a sense of conscience and a humane perspective. I will help her and ask her what is going on.

She likely doesn't want to talk about it yet, and has her own reasons, difficulties, and secrets.

The environment she grew up in likely taught her that crying was something she could control and do. She can cry, which is also a form of expression. She can pour out words she cannot say with her mouth through tears.

She is undoubtedly using these to express herself, but her behavior makes it difficult for those around her to understand and empathize with her.

We must be there for her. We cannot be a complete outsider or use symptoms or labels.

She will gradually feel safer and will confide in people she considers close to her. The prerequisite is respect and allowing her to talk when she wants to.

(3) She did, in fact, reveal some information.

This information is conveyed mainly through non-verbal forms and then through the subject's oral narration, which introduces a significant error. She may not feel that there is a problem. What we can see is an attempt to confirm internal preconceptions and predictions. The following analysis and suggestions are of little practical significance and can only be used for reference.

One is more likely to cry, and this crying may happen suddenly.

She burst into tears while eating. She ignored me and cried when I offered her cake and milk tea. She cried because she was scolded by the teacher for failing many times. She would sniffle but never tell us what happened.

Crying is not always a sign of sadness or grief. It can also be a way of expressing gratitude, a sudden thought, or even a grievance after being scolded.

Our first reaction to crying is often that something bad has happened. We must look at specific things in specific ways.

I am certain that with kind and attentive people like you, she will feel the warmth of human connection. As she grows up and gets to know each other better, there will undoubtedly be various positive changes.

Sometimes we are in a hurry and want the other person to speak, but they just won't open their mouth. That's just how they handle things and express themselves. Sometimes they are in a hurry too, but they may not know how to open their mouth.

Try other methods, such as sports, writing, painting, music, dancing, gardening, etc. She will open up. There is also a sandplay technique, which is a way of using non-verbal sand painting to reveal some of the psychological states hidden deep within.

Give her and yourself some patience. Crying is the first way humans learn to express themselves.

I am confident that you will find this enlightening and helpful.

The world and I love you!