My roommate says he's going to the bathroom but ends up washing up in there. I feel aggrieved. Should I express myself?

Please extend support to the original poster from a distance.

The following message was sent to the questioner:

While the issue may appear minor, the questioner may have significant concerns.

I am unsure if the questioner has previously encountered a situation where another individual stated one thing but subsequently acted in a manner that caused significant distress.

From my perspective, this is a relatively minor issue. The toilet is a minor concern, and it can be tolerated for a short period of time. It is not a critical matter.

If the questioner is consistently distressed by these inconsequential issues, it may lead to a greater likelihood of encountering future sources of distress.

The aforementioned statement does not imply that the questioner is expected to endure and refrain from expressing themselves.

In fact, what I wish to convey is that things are not as significant as they may appear, and that we should allow for flexibility in the relationship when we are together. This entails accepting any minor changes that the other person may make.

It is also possible for the other person to accept some of our minor changes. It is important to recognise that people are interdependent. If the relationship is too rigid and the boundaries are too clearly defined, this may have a negative impact on the relationship.

From another perspective, the event itself did not have a significant impact on the questioner. Conversely, it is possible that the questioner attached undue importance to the event.

Perhaps the questioner can consider this matter from a different standpoint. The other individual already inquired as to whether you wished to proceed first, and you declined, so they proceeded first.

It would appear that an agreement has already been reached. The questioner did not stipulate that they should go to the bathroom first, but instead offered them this opportunity.

In light of these circumstances, it is evident that the questioner is a highly generous individual.

As you relinquished the bathroom to them, any actions they take during that time are not your concern.

Naturally, the other party cannot intentionally occupy the restroom for an extended period of time to prevent you from using it. If that were the case, the questioner could also consider alternative solutions to the problem.

Hello, I'm Strawberry!

It's so interesting to see the questioner's confessions and grievances! I don't understand them myself, but because we are assigned to the same dormitory, we have to adapt to everyone. After all, no one likes to go it alone, and no one wants to be isolated by everyone else because of their uniqueness.

As the questioner was about to head to the bathroom, she just entered the room when a roommate asked if she was going to take a shower. The questioner replied with a resounding "no!" From this brief exchange, it's evident that the questioner had every intention of washing up, but the roommate asked if she was going to take a shower. The questioner's answer was a definitive "no." So, does the questioner's "wash up" here refer to brushing your teeth and washing your face?

When a classmate asked if she could go to the bathroom first, the questioner replied that it was fine. It is inevitable that people have to go to the bathroom, and it's great that the questioner was so accommodating! The other person wanted to go to the bathroom, so the questioner let her go first if she was in no hurry. While the other person was in the bathroom, another classmate said that she also wanted to go to the bathroom. Since the first classmate was already taking a shower, my understanding is that the dormitory bathroom has a wet and dry area. In other words, while one person is in the bathroom, the other person can take a shower. It's so great that they've gotten used to this situation!

It's time to recognize the real reason behind your emotions!

The students told the questioner that they wanted to go to the bathroom, but in the end they even took a shower! Although the whole process only took three minutes, what the questioner minded was that they clearly told her that they wanted to go to the bathroom, not take a shower. Such behavior seemed like a kind of deception to her, and it destroyed her trust in an instant.

The questioner has only been in this dormitory for a short time, so she is still adjusting to the environment and her classmates. As a result, when she trusts them, their behavior makes her feel aggrieved and angry—but she's learning and growing every day!

So why does such a thing make the questioner feel so many emotions? It has to do with our expectations. When we have expectations of someone, we feel that the other person should say or do certain things, and when they don't, we get emotional. Our emotions may be feelings of grievance, anger, sadness, etc.

And it's not just limited to the questioner's classmates. It also applies to everyday interactions with other people!

Express your emotions directly!

The questioner has emotional problems with the behavior of their classmates. This is something that can be fixed! The questioner did not express their dissatisfaction at the time, so even if they know their behavior was wrong, they will act as if nothing happened in the face of the questioner's silence. This is an opportunity to show them how to be polite to you.

The emotions that arise inside make the questioner feel uncomfortable and consume themselves internally. But there's a way to conquer this! Learn to express your emotions directly. When you do, others will realize whether their actions have hurt you. The way people get along with each other comes from rubbing against each other. So, express yourself more! Others will know your principles and bottom lines.

It's actually really easy to express yourself! All you have to do is express your fleeting doubts. Let's say the other person says they're going to the bathroom but then ends up taking a shower. You can say to them, "I thought you said you were just going to the bathroom? If you want to do something else, you need to tell me first. After all, I let you go to the bathroom first." You don't have to express your anger in your tone of voice, but just let the other person know where your concerns lie!

☀ Change yourself!

I'm not sure if the questioner is also holding himself back because of something and doesn't immediately express his emotions, but if this goes on for too long, it's not good for him. It can make him feel self-doubt and self-doubt. We don't need to be perfect and outstanding to be loved by others. We can live a happy life by being true to ourselves!

I highly recommend Cong Fei's [The Power of Self-Growth] to the questioner! When we learn to look at everything with a positive and optimistic attitude, we will also open our hearts and minds, and we will not need to be so defensive in our interactions with others.

In terms of emotional recovery, the questioner can try the following tips:

1. Listening to music: The dormitory environment might feel a bit limited, but that's no reason not to let music be your best friend! When you're in a different mood, you'll have different choices. When you're in a good mood, you might like something with a fast beat, while when you're feeling down, you can listen to something light and relaxing that's easy to let go.

2. Exercise: You can go to the playground and let yourself run, even if it's just one lap. When exercising, you can also let yourself feel the rush of speed, whether you run fast or jog.

3. Distract yourself! Put on some headphones and pick yourself up a happy video, variety show, or comedy. You can also draw or practice calligraphy, etc., to distract yourself and help you recover faster.

I really hope my answer helps the questioner out! Best regards!