My sister-in-law's family is much better than mine, what should I do about the pressure?

Hello!

Host:

After reading the post, I could really feel how the poster was feeling. It seemed like they were feeling a bit envious and pressured. I could also tell that they were feeling a lot of different things on the inside. At the same time, I was really impressed by how brave the poster was for sharing their feelings and for looking for help. I think this will help the poster to understand themselves better and to make some positive changes.

I'd love to share my observations and thoughts from the post, which I hope will help the original poster gain a richer perspective on the current situation.

1. It's so important to try to distinguish between imagination and reality.

In the post, the host mentioned that she was worried that her parents-in-law would favor her sister-in-law's family and bully her. As an observer, I feel that this is just the host's imagination, or the host's own belief that her parents-in-law will behave in this way.

From the post, I haven't seen how your in-laws are treating you, so I don't think it's a great place to make assumptions.

It might be helpful for the original poster to take a look at their relationship with their in-laws and how they treat you. It's also a good idea to get a sense of what kind of people they are. It's always best to start from reality and be practical.

It's so important to remember that our imagination isn't reality. And if you're feeling unsure, why not go and chat with your in-laws to get a better understanding? You could even make a few jokes along the way to see how they react.

If your in-laws are open-minded, you can even share your feelings with them. It's a great idea to gather useful information from their feedback!

If they're really lovely, tell yourself, "I know you're worried about being bullied. But my in-laws are so nice to me."

And if your in-laws are a little overbearing, it's okay! We can remind ourselves that we have our husbands to lean on, and that we're capable of looking out for ourselves.

2. Face your envy

In the post, the host mentioned that he is an orphan. I can only imagine how hard that must have been for him! Being an orphan means missing the companionship of family members.

This is something we all need as humans. So, our feelings of envy are actually telling us that we need the company of our family.

So in the face of such needs, the host may appropriately ask her husband to give her more companionship within his abilities. It's so important to remember that when our needs are met, our hearts will be rich and full! We'll also become more powerful.

And there's more good news! The landlord has now started a family of his own and is no longer an orphan. He has his own husband, his own in-laws, and his own family.

When we're faced with these things, it's also important to learn to be grateful for the companionship they give us. Maybe because of their presence, you feel warm and like you're no longer alone.

So be grateful to them! It's so lovely when we treat our in-laws sincerely, and they treat us sincerely in return.

If you want something, you have to give it first. It's as simple as that!

3. Accept yourself, warts and all!

We can't change the past, but we can change how we think about it. We can accept that the past is gone and focus on what we can do in the present. Everything has two sides. Having a big family is great because there's strength in numbers.

Having a large family can also present some challenges. If there's discord among family members, it can take a lot of energy, time, and even money to maintain various relationships.

Sometimes, these situations can also cause us distress. But the hostess can use this time to do things she likes and can use this time and energy to grow herself. She can also use this time and energy to grow herself. She can use this time and energy to grow herself. She can use this time and energy to grow herself. She can use this time and energy to grow herself. She can use this time and energy to grow herself. She can use this time and energy to grow herself. She can use this time and energy to grow herself. She can use this time and energy to grow herself. She can use this time and energy to grow herself. She can use this time and energy to grow herself. She can use this time and energy to grow herself. She can use this time and energy to grow herself. She can use this time and energy to grow herself. She can use this time and energy to grow herself. She can use this time and energy to grow herself. She can use this time and energy to grow herself. She can use this time and energy to grow herself. She can use this time and energy to grow herself. She can use this time and energy to grow herself. She can use this time and energy to grow herself. She can use this time and energy to grow herself. She can use this time and energy to grow herself. She can use this time and energy to grow herself. She can use this time and energy to grow herself. She can

We can't change the past, but we can accept it. Let's focus our energy on the things we can change and, before we know it, we'll be on our way to a better, more confident self!

I really hope this helps the original poster! My name is Zeng Chen, and I'm a certified psychosynthesis coach.

Hello, I am Coach Heng Yiran from Xin Tan, and I am honored to meet you here.

I am saddened by this problem. I am here to provide you with warmth and strength.

Let's review the problems I see.

1. The questioner is a woman who is married and has children.

2. You feel insecure because your sister-in-law's family is thriving.

3. Your in-laws' fondness for your sister-in-law's family makes you feel inferior.

4. When you look at yourself, you feel lost about the fact that you are an orphan.

5. You envy your sister-in-law, but you also fear that something will happen that you cannot handle.

I will now explain my understanding of this question.

I can tell you're feeling anxious and restless.

Anxiety is an uncomfortable feeling, but it also tells you the truth: you care about this family, you care about your mother-in-law, and even you care about your sister-in-law. You want to get along well with them and you want them to be a loving family with you.

You care too much. You've never had a family before, and this family is so important to you that you're worried about losing it. You're in love. You know the difference between liking someone and loving someone. If the person makes you happy, you like them. If you're worried about losing them, you love them.

From what you've told me, it's clear that you love this family and that you're particularly attached to them.

Second, I can also tell that you are genuinely afraid of losing this home.

Let me be clear: nothing objectively harmful has happened. You are inferring what might happen based on the facts at hand.

There is a problem. Your sister-in-law has a lot of family, and your mother-in-law likes to party. Will your sister-in-law take you to parties with them? You don't have any maternal family, but your mother-in-law's family can become your maternal family. I'm not saying this is going to happen, but there are many other possibilities. You're focusing on this one possibility, but there are millions of others. Why is this the only one you can think of?

You're saying that others bully you and you can't do anything about it?

Tell me, has this kind of thing happened before? Does this feeling seem familiar?

If this helplessness is too painful, you need to get professional help.

I have a few suggestions for you:

Here are a few suggestions for you to try:

First, you can talk to a counselor. I suggest face-to-face counseling, but if that's not possible, online counseling is also a good option. There are many choices on the Yixinli platform, so take a look. If you're not ready, don't force yourself.

Second, you should try meditation. There is a meditation planet in my mind, and both paid and free resources are good. You need to try them. It is especially useful when I'm in a bad mood, and I know it will help you too.

Second, you should try meditation. There is a meditation planet in your mind. Both paid and free resources are good. Use them. When you are in a bad mood, meditation is especially useful for me, and I know it can help you too.

Third, talk to your husband or in-laws about your true thoughts or ask them what they think of you. You want to be recognized by others, but you don't need external conditions to be recognized as a person. You are just who you are, and you are worthy of affirmation in and of itself, without the need for so much external validation.

Fourth, thank your diary. Record your moods to sort out your thoughts and feelings. Write a lot and look back. It will help.

I am confident that my answer is helpful. If there is anything I have not made clear or if you have any questions, please do not hesitate to let me know. I am certain that everything will get better soon.

Hello, host! I really hope my answer can help you in some way.

I totally get it! You feel inferior and stressed because you're comparing yourself to others. But here's the good news: you can stop feeling this way! All you have to do is treat comparisons correctly, let go of comparisons, and strengthen your inner self-confidence. Focus on the things you can change and control, and you'll be amazed at how much better you feel!

Now, let's dive into the world of comparison!

The closer someone is to us, such as a good friend, the more likely we are to compare ourselves to them. And that's a good thing! It means we're paying attention to what's going on around us and noticing what makes us tick. Comparison makes us jealous of some people and contemptuous of others.

Absolutely! Without comparison, there's no harm done.

Once we start comparing, we'll find that we're not as good as others in many ways. This is a great opportunity to develop a sense of what we can improve on! Moreover, when people look at others, they tend to pay more attention to their strengths and ignore their weaknesses, which makes them feel even more that others are better than themselves.

Sometimes, or even often, they compare the advantages of others with their own disadvantages. This kind of comparison will naturally intensify their inferiority complex and anxiety.

Have you noticed that many children are very happy? It's because they don't compare themselves with others!

They feel that they have their own good, and they know that others also have their own praiseworthy qualities. There is absolutely no contradiction between their own good and the good of others! We can enjoy others praising us while also praising others for their excellence.

So why is it that when we become adults, most of us lose this ability? When we see someone else succeed, we don't necessarily cheer for the other person. Sometimes, we even become jealous or feel inferior. But there's no reason why we can't choose to be happy for them instead!

This phenomenon is actually very fascinating and cannot be explained simply because people themselves are complex. Coupled with differences in living environments and experiences growing up, many of our behaviors and thoughts will change, which is an amazing thing!

1. Human nature has a kind side that is willing to applaud others without discrimination — and it's a beautiful thing!

Children are so eager to applaud others because there's a kind part of human nature that makes them do it! When we praise and applaud others, our bodies secrete dopamine, which makes us feel happy.

Therefore, genes encourage us to appreciate and help each other, which is beneficial to our evolution. Because everyone has their own flaws and needs to cooperate with others to overcome difficulties and defeat the beast...

2. And human nature has another fascinating aspect: an evil side and a competitive side!

Darwin's theory of evolution is fascinating! It suggests that the fittest survive. This implies that if we don't compete and compare, we'll be eliminated.

As we get older, we see the real world and there's lots of competition and comparison. We often go along with the flow and fall into this anxiety of comparison. When we see others doing well, we feel inadequate and even feel threatened. But there's no need to worry! We can all be the best version of ourselves.

This is normal, but the good news is that we can make a better choice!

I really hope we can all let go of comparisons and be the absolute best versions of ourselves!

It's true that we adults can sometimes get too caught up in the idea of "comparison." But here's the good news: when we see the amazing things others are doing, it's not about feeling inferior. It's about celebrating their achievements and being inspired to do our best!

But if, like a child, we can let go of comparisons and see his good for what it is, his good does not affect my good. He is indeed very good at this, and I am not bad either! I also have my good qualities.

My good qualities are not lost just because someone else has them!

That's why I'm myself, and I'm proud of it! I have my own strengths, and she is herself, and she has her own bright spots.

Each of us comes into this world with our own mission. It's our job to find our place and enjoy the journey of life in our own position, shining our own light and cheering for the bright lives of others!

And guess what? We can also learn more about ourselves through comparison!

Generally speaking, when we are inferior to others in some ways, we have the incredible opportunity to learn and grow by embracing our own unique qualities and strengths.

Envy is a great way to figure out what you want to become! It shows you what kind of person you want to be.

When you envy someone, it's a great idea to think about what you envy about them. This is because what you envy is probably something you want to have!

And you can even summarize whether you envy more than one person! When you summarize the characteristics of these people you envy, you'll find that they may have common characteristics. And that's great because it means you can work on developing that same characteristic in yourself!

So, you'll see that your envy has nothing to do with other people. It's actually about your own heart's deficiencies, which you see reflected in other people. This is why you envy them!

So, embrace it! Don't be afraid of it, and don't rush to get rid of it. Just feel it!

Then, embark on an exciting journey of self-discovery! Uncover the part of you that you lack and the part of you that you desire.

The most important thing is that you need to take action to make up for these deficiencies and work towards your desired direction. You can do it!

Once you start taking action, you'll feel more confident and in-tune with who you really are. As you become closer to the person you want to be, you'll naturally start to feel less envious and jealous.

From your description, it's clear that you're envious of your sister-in-law's family gatherings. You envy her recognition from her in-laws, and you crave the same kind of recognition from your in-laws. This is a great sign that you're ready to recognize yourself!

There is a law in psychology that says when we lack something internally, we seek it externally. But everything external is unstable. Just as your in-laws may not necessarily be able to give you stable recognition and affirmation, we have the power to turn inward and learn to affirm and recognize ourselves! When you are sufficiently recognized internally, you will not be so easily affected by external affirmation.

Now, let's dive into the world of self-affirmation and building self-confidence!

How can we make the most of the comments of others?

We are all different, and each of us has our own set of evaluation criteria inside, which makes us all unique!

When others meet our evaluation standards, we like, recognize, and support them. When they don't, we have the opportunity to help them meet those standards!

It's a simple as this: when we meet the other person's evaluation criteria, they'll approve of us. When we don't meet the other person's evaluation criteria, they'll disapprove of us.

So, you'll find that whether the other person recognizes you or not has little to do with your relationship. It's not about that at all! It's about whether you match his evaluation criteria. But remember, we cannot control the thoughts and actions of others. We cannot always meet other people's evaluation criteria, nor can we meet everyone's evaluation criteria.

Life is not easy for anyone, and everyone has different wants and different positions. That's what makes life exciting! There is no need to practice oneself according to other people's standards, nor to force others according to one's own standards. And there is no need to seek others' understanding and approval in everything.

So, there's absolutely no need to sacrifice yourself to gain the approval of others, or to maintain a relationship. It doesn't matter if you're liked or disliked, because there will always be people who like you and people who dislike you. The important thing is whether you can accept this self that is liked and disliked at the same time!

We don't live to satisfy other people's expectations. If we keep seeking approval from others and caring about what others think, we will end up living other people's lives. But there's a better way! If we hope too much to be recognized by others, we will live our lives according to other people's expectations, and lose our true selves. This will in turn bring you trouble, because it is not the life you really want. So let's take back control and live our best lives!

It's time to take the right to judge yourself back into your own hands! You can treat yourself as someone else and evaluate yourself comprehensively, objectively, and truthfully. In this way, you will know yourself better and well enough, and you will also know what you want. At this time, the evaluation of others has become less important.

When you care less about what others think and live your true self, something amazing happens: your relationships improve! Those "bad relationships" that you have exchanged for pleasing others and suppressing your own needs will no longer bother you.

2. Practice accepting yourself!

Embrace your character and your imperfections. Celebrate your strengths and value, and learn from your shortcomings. The first step to becoming more and more confident is to accept yourself.

Embrace the journey of self-acceptance! It's not always easy, but it's worth every step. When your inner voice challenges you, keep practicing acceptance. You are not only a work in progress, but also a shining example of strength and value. Let your strengths shine and live a life of joy, even with your shortcomings.

When you accept yourself, you can live with your shortcomings, and your heart will become more and more relaxed and powerful!

The truth is, many people are just like you—imperfect, but still able to live well with their own shortcomings. You can do it too! See the complete, true, and comprehensive self, accept your own imperfections, and live a comfortable life.

3. You absolutely need to see your own merits and value, and engage in positive mental suggestion constantly!

Affirming and supporting yourself is the key to becoming more and more confident!

When something is missing inside us, we have the power to seek it out and find it! While everything outside is unstable and beyond our control, we have the incredible ability to control ourselves and our own actions and thoughts.

The fact that we need external recognition shows that we don't recognize ourselves enough. So let's practise recognizing and encouraging ourselves! When we recognize and support ourselves enough, we won't care so much about other people's recognition and evaluation.

And when you accept and recognize yourself, it's amazing how others will also increasingly recognize and believe in you! You'll exude your own charm and confidence, and they'll be drawn to it.

That's why you are the source of everything! Change yourself and you will change your world!

4. We absolutely have to cultivate our self-confidence and sense of security, and constantly improve our abilities and knowledge!

The great news is that confidence comes from strength and hard work. And the even better news is that when we become someone we approve of through our own efforts, we will become more and more confident and feel more and more secure.

You can set yourself appropriate goals and then work towards achieving them one step at a time. It's amazing how your abilities will gradually improve, your knowledge will accumulate, and your experience will become richer and richer. You will feel more and more secure, have a greater sense of control over your life, and naturally become more and more confident.

A suitable goal is one that is moderately difficult, one that you can reach by standing on your tiptoes. If the goal is too small, you'll find it unchallenging and lose interest. If it's too big, you'll find the resistance too great and lack confidence. A moderately challenging goal is the one that will inspire us the most! When we work hard to achieve it, we'll feel a sense of achievement and self-confidence.

For example, if your current walking level is 4,000 steps per day, then set a daily goal of 4,500-5,000 steps! You've got this!

When you set goals that are right for you, the most important thing is to persevere and take action! Only action can help you overcome difficulties and truly experience your own value.

Keep encouraging yourself, keep giving yourself positive mental suggestions, and believe that you can do it, and you really can!

Absolutely! Building up self-confidence takes time, but you can do it! Believe in yourself and keep going. You've got this! Come on! ヾ(◍°∇°◍)ノ

Let's do this!

I am Gu Yi, and I approach this forum with the utmost modesty and humility.

The adage "three women make a crowd" suggests that conflict between women is a common phenomenon, and that it often elicits feelings of distress.

As a daughter-in-law in a comparable situation, it is unnecessary to experience feelings of inferiority or anxiety.

One's family of origin is not a choice, and thus, one should not inflict self-punishment for the actions of others.

The past is a fixed and unalterable reality. Regardless of the emotions currently experienced, they will remain a part of one's emotional memory. However, they have no bearing on how one lives one's life in the present. While many individuals may resist their family of origin, given the absence of such a family, there is no inclination to engage in such a futile endeavor. Moreover, in the past, there was minimal opportunity for initiative.

2. Regardless of the circumstances, it is imperative to play the cards one is dealt in a prudent and effective manner.

One may not possess the most advantageous circumstances, yet one can still adopt a strategic approach to navigating the challenges of life. It is not productive to engage in competition with one's family members or to attempt to influence the attitudes of one's in-laws. However, one can derive joy from the presence of a beautiful child, a loving spouse, and a fulfilling occupation, while striving to achieve a sense of fulfillment in one's endeavors.

It is imperative to nourish one's heart with love.

A beneficial marriage provides nourishment to its members. Regardless of the result of comparison, the fear of being bullied can be offset by a dual approach of self-strengthening and increased confidence in marital life. While the original family structure is unchangeable, the choice of marriage and the subsequent management of it are within the individual's control. The effort invested in maintaining the marriage is of greater significance than any other factor.

I extend my best wishes to you.

Hello.

The constant chaos of my sister-in-law's family is a major source of stress for me. If I had known about this at the beginning, I would have been prepared for it. Nobody likes feeling lonely, but as you gain life experience, you have to accept that you can't control everything.

What needs to be reflected on?

You need to think about this. If you're still bothered by it, is this really about my sister-in-law's family? Or are you worried about how your in-laws will react?

Or is it a deviation in my own feelings of inferiority and a sense of fear?

This was not a deliberate arrangement by the sister-in-law's family, nor did the parents-in-law deliberately show a keen fondness for the sister-in-law's family. The root cause was my inability to accept the pressure brought about by the desolation of my own home environment.

I want to know if my husband and in-laws, as family members, notice my feelings and try to comfort me whenever I feel a sense of loss. I want to believe they care about and take care of my feelings, but I don't feel it, and I ignore the concern of my family members, which leads to an exacerbation of my sense of loneliness.

The questioner can be sure that although the parents-in-law like to be entertained, they don't actually discriminate in their hearts. It's just that the different environment is an objective condition, and they can't help changing it. So in order to live together harmoniously, they have chosen to integrate normally and go with the flow. If they really don't like the objective conditions of "me," the parents-in-law won't let go of the opportunity to make things difficult, and they won't even want to come to "me" home. This precisely shows the top-down relationship and care as an elder.

[Don't be hypersensitive. Just treat life normally.]

When do you know when someone is feeling insecure? It's when they feel it deep down inside. Highly sensitive people are just like this. We can't control our sensitivity, but we can slow down our nerves by changing our perception. The same goes for family members. They're just ordinary people, and they don't always express themselves with a specific purpose. As long as we let go of our inner sensitivity and treat them normally, many problems will resolve themselves.

[Accept your own objective conditions and recognize yourself.]

People are born into certain circumstances, and while these circumstances may not be ideal, they are not the result of any fault of the individual. It is important to recognize that we must take responsibility for our own lives and accept our current circumstances. By doing so, we can gain the confidence to move forward and create a better future.

[Get help for your intimate relationships and control your emotions.]

If you lack love, you need to fill yourself with love. If you don't have an independent spirit and the ability to think independently from the beginning, seek help from a close relationship. Don't rely on your partner, as this will put pressure on you. Seeking help more often means needing help. When a close relationship gives love and support, many emotional problems can be solved, the center of life can be found, and a sense of control over life can be restored.

The questioner must understand that there is no comparison or competition between sisters-in-law and oneself. Being sisters-in-law is simply a family relationship that exists by chance. The two are independent of each other. Even if they meet, they are still relatives; if they don't meet, they live independent lives.

You've got this! Best of luck!

Hello, friend!

From your account, I can see your inferiority complex, sensitivity, and worries in front of your in-laws. This may be related to your life experience as a child. You are an orphan from a very poor family, which makes you an incredibly resilient person!

So you should have grown up lonely, helpless, and inferior. But you didn't! You grew up with a sensitive and fragile personality with an indifferent exterior.

But deep down, you must also long for the warmth of a family. It's just that because you lacked that as a child, you don't dare hope for that kind of satisfaction in your in-laws' home. But you can! You can have that family you've always dreamed of.

You boldly resist the close actions of the rest of the in-laws.

You feel that the more your sister-in-law gets along with your parents-in-law, the more it highlights your strength and independence. You feel excited, and even imagine the things your parents-in-law share with you as positive suggestions.

In short, the more lively those people are, the more you have the chance to show your amazing resilience!

I want to say that all your stress comes from yourself, and that's something you can change! It is you who look down on your orphan status and dislike your bad family, but you can choose to look at things differently.

It's because you're so sensitive and have an inferiority complex that you envy your sister-in-law's good family relationship and often compare her family to yours. This has led to feelings of inferiority, but you can overcome this!

I have some great suggestions for you to help you get rid of these negative emotions caused by inferiority.

1. Don't dwell on your status as an orphan. You are so much more than that! The lonely and helpless child living inside you is already miserable enough. Don't despise her anymore, and learn to care for her. Discover the sparkle in yourself, find the aspects of yourself that are better than your sister-in-law, and boost your self-confidence. You can do it!

2. Get along well with your in-laws. Since you long for the warmth of a family, try treating your in-laws like your own parents. I believe your sincerity will also touch them, and you will get the family warmth you want!

3. Go for it! Take the initiative to get along with your sister-in-law. From your description, it seems like your sister-in-law's family is a warm and close-knit one, and I believe she is also a warm and outgoing person. You are sisters-in-law, and you are also considered members of the same big family. If you can get along with your sister-in-law, you can also gain another friendship or affection!

4. Sort out your relationship with your husband. Your relationship is the most important indicator of whether your married life is happy — and it's going to be happy!

You've already done an amazing job! You seem to have put the cart before the horse, paying too much attention to the influence of others in your extended family on you. In fact, you have already done a remarkable job just by managing your relationship as a couple.

I really hope you can overcome your internal inferiority complex and live a relaxed life!

Good evening, my friend!

I hope this message finds you well. I wanted to extend my support and encouragement in the form of a warm embrace.

In your message, you mentioned that you are an orphan, which may have influenced the formation of your values and personality. From your description, I can sense that you are a sensitive person, and at times, you may feel a bit inferior.

For instance, the initial sentence of your message suggests that your sister-in-law's family may be somewhat overwhelming, with the implication that they are on the verge of conflict and that the atmosphere is somewhat hostile. This could be a reflection of your feelings of insecurity.

It's understandable that you might feel envious of your sister-in-law. It's natural to admire the stability and closeness of her family. Having a complete family and a flourishing family with lots of people and parties is something you've always wished for. It's a stark contrast that can make you feel particularly uncomfortable.

It is important to remember that without comparison, there is no harm.

You are also concerned that your in-laws may show a preference for your sister-in-law and that you may be treated unfairly as a result. This is a valid concern.

It's understandable that you feel this way. Having lacked the care of relatives when you were young, you may have felt insecure.

It is worth noting that we have now grown up and are able to provide ourselves with the strength and love we need. We are no longer that lonely child. We have our own happy little family, and the company and care of our in-laws. What a warm and welcoming thing this is! You deserve love and care!

It is important to remember that you have your own strengths and characteristics. Despite being an orphan, you have grown up well and are able to form a family and receive the love and care of your husband and his family, which is a wonderful thing. You are full of energy and wisdom, and you know how to protect yourself.

Of course, it's also important to remember that in-laws need to be fair. As the daughter-in-law, it's natural for them to spend time with your family, but it doesn't necessarily mean they're biased towards your sister-in-law. The fact that they've chosen to live with you is a great honour and shows how much they value you. It's not necessary for in-laws to be unkind, and it's not a good idea to let it affect you.

I believe this is true. Every parent wants their child to be happy. If they are bullied, it is unlikely that their husband will be happy either.

Perhaps this is not what they want to see, so it might be helpful to consider that your goal may be to receive more love from your in-laws, which is understandable!

You are inherently complete, and it would be beneficial to give yourself the security you need. Learning to love and appreciate yourself is a great way to do this. Affirming your own greatness and abilities can also help you feel more powerful. By first learning to love and accept yourself, you can gain the strength to love your family and break the pattern of seeking security from the outside.

I hope my answer can be of some help or inspiration to you.

I wish you all the happiness in the world!