My stepfather and mother own a flat. Can they give me advice?

Dear Question Asker,

From your description, it seems that your stepfather has difficulty understanding your ideas and that communication between you is challenging. You feel powerless in this communication and I understand the frustration you feel about being unable to communicate effectively.

The installation of an electric wire may appear to be a relatively straightforward task, but it highlights a communication breakdown between you.

During this process, you informed your stepfather of your intentions, but he did not follow through with your request. What is the reason for his insistence on installing it himself? Have you discussed this with your stepfather?

This is the root of the conflict between you.

It is possible that he is reluctant to admit his own limitations in front of you. Alternatively, he may wish to demonstrate his capabilities. There are other potential reasons, such as the need to obtain consent from the property management company for installing the wires privately. He may also be motivated by a desire to assist you. Once the reasons behind his actions are understood, it is likely that your annoyance will subside.

For safety reasons, it may be advisable to engage the services of a professional. This can be conveyed in a tactful manner without unduly criticising your stepfather's ability to undertake the task. For instance, you could say, "I will liaise with the property management company to arrange for an electrician from the community service to install it, in line with the property management company's requirements. I would appreciate your assistance in monitoring the installation process." This approach may be well received.

Modifying the wording may yield the desired outcome.

I hope this information is useful to you. Best regards,

Greetings, question asker. My name is Jiang 61.

Firstly, I would like to express my gratitude for your trust in us and for your willingness to pose questions and seek answers. You have inquired as to whether your stepfather and mother, who purchased a house, should seek advice.

As the child of a blended family, you are currently in a situation where you are uncertain as to whether you should provide direct assistance or not, given that it is not your residence.

The family in question can be described as kind.

1. A kind stepfather

From the information provided, it is evident that your stepfather is a benevolent individual who treats you as if you were his own child. He considers your preferences when making decisions regarding your living arrangements and home décor.

Your stepfather is a gentle man who is not adept at expressing himself. He is somewhat awkward, kind-hearted, but also proud and stubborn, and fearful of being looked down upon. He strives to prove his worth by doing everything himself, motivated by a desire to demonstrate his care for you.

2. A kind and understanding mother

From your conversations with your mother, it is evident that she is a kind, gentle, and understanding individual who consistently strives to maintain harmony within the family unit. Your mother is well-acquainted with your stepfather and is aware that he also harbors good intentions, despite his occasional missteps.

Consequently, it would be advisable to adopt a more tolerant and understanding approach towards your stepfather. It is important to recognise that his intentions are benevolent and to be able to forgive his actions.

3. You are experiencing a headache.

The source of the discord between you and your stepfather is not his intrinsic character, but rather a lack of comprehension regarding his thought processes. You desire for him to align with your perspective, yet he adheres to his own ideas. The fact that you both contemplate problems and solutions from your individual viewpoints makes it challenging for you to reach a consensus.

Additionally, you hold a positive regard for your stepfather and are concerned for his well-being. Consequently, you advised him against installing the electrical box without professional assistance. Despite your counsel, your stepfather was reluctant to heed your advice and proceeded to undertake the task independently. However, he lacked the requisite knowledge and expertise, which resulted in considerable difficulties and left you uncertain about the optimal course of action.

It is evident that you are a person who cares about others and is protective of the interests of your family.

2. Problem and Cause

In summary, the family in question is characterized by kindness, a tendency to prioritize the well-being of others, and a strong sense of familial attachment. However, despite these positive attributes, the family also experiences internal discord.

Despite your best efforts, you are unable to reach an agreement. This is because you are employing an ineffective communication strategy.

1. Communication

Communication can be defined as the exchange of information. This process entails conveying a specific message to a communication object with the intention of eliciting a desired response. When this objective is achieved, effective communication can be considered complete.

Communication encompasses both verbal and non-verbal elements, with the latter often proving more influential than the former. Effective communication is crucial in navigating family-specific matters, familial relationships, and intricate social dynamics, as it minimizes misinterpretations and fosters stronger connections.

2. Effective Communication

2. Effective Communication

Effective communication can be defined as a process comprising four distinct steps.

The initial step is to:

It is important to distinguish between feelings and emotions. Feelings are subjective experiences, whereas emotions are more objective and can be observed in others.

The second step is to

It is imperative to articulate one's desires and aspirations, rather than merely expressing one's dislikes and aversions. It is also crucial to explicitly convey one's emotional state, such as anger, rather than merely indicating that one is upset.

The third step is to:

It is imperative to articulate one's needs, rather than merely expressing discontent. It is similarly crucial to avoid leaving the other party in the dark regarding one's expectations.

The final step is to

It is preferable to articulate the desired outcome rather than dwelling on the current situation. Instead of focusing on the immediate circumstances, it is more beneficial to consider the final objective.

For instance, should you perceive your stepfather to be uncertain about the wiring of the garage, you may choose to halt the proceedings and engage in a discussion with him regarding the optimal routing of the wires within the garage.

The initial step is to...

(Uncle) Dad, I observed you enter my room and conduct an examination, indicating that you have not yet identified an optimal location for installing the garage wiring. Let us take a brief interlude to discuss potential alternatives.

The second step is to determine the optimal location for the wire.

The initial step is to determine the optimal location for the wire. This will require a discussion to identify the most suitable area. Once this has been established, the next step is to decide who is best placed to execute the task.

Step 3

In regard to the optimal methodology for pulling the wires, I must profess a certain lack of familiarity with the area. Consequently, I am in need of your guidance, and we can undertake this task together. Alternatively, we can deliberate the matter together, for instance, the developer adjacent has installed an electrical box, and we similarly desire that particular model. What is the optimal course of action?

Step 4

It is my hope that the wiring will be completed in a timely manner without any safety issues.

Once the aforementioned steps of effective communication have been employed to express one's feelings, needs, and desired direction, it is this author's belief that one's stepfather will be able to comprehend the nuances of one's thoughts and engage in a discussion along the lines one has in mind, rather than offering his own perspective.

In order to communicate effectively, it is essential to consider not only the verbal and non-verbal messages being conveyed by the other party, but also to reflect on their underlying thoughts and emotions. This allows for a deeper understanding of their perspective, facilitates the discussion of opinions, and ultimately leads to a mutual consensus.

3⃣️, Consistent Communication

Emotions are also implicated in the communicative process, and in this context, consistent communication is a necessary condition.

Consistent communication entails that verbal and non-verbal messages conveyed to another individual are aligned with one's internal feelings. In consistent communication, the self, the other person, and the situation all receive the attention and respect they deserve.

Those who utilize this model exhibit an inner awareness in their speech and expression, demonstrate consistency in their words and actions, exhibit a harmonious inner balance, and possess a relatively high sense of self-worth.

The aforementioned principles of effective communication are often expressed using the following sentence structure:

In the aforementioned example, the subject is presented with a situation that requires a response. The subject is then prompted to describe the situation in a manner that is free of emotional bias and accusatory language.

Describe the objective situation in a dispassionate manner, avoiding any accusations.

The following is an account of my emotional state:

It is imperative to articulate one's sentiments and emotional state in a timely and explicit manner.

It is my hope that...

It is essential to explicitly convey one's expectations and needs to the other party. These expectations should be quantifiable, actionable, and clearly defined.

It is my contention that...

Provide a detailed account of your expectations regarding the positive aspects of the situation.

It is evident that you experience difficulty in reaching a consensus with your mother, a challenge that is further compounded by interactions with your stepfather. It has been observed that you tend to suppress your emotions, which can lead to miscommunications and misunderstandings. By employing consistent and transparent communication, you can align your feelings, actions, and words, ensuring that the other person receives a coherent and accurate representation of your thoughts and intentions. This approach can significantly enhance the clarity and harmony in your family relationships.

Furthermore, it is anticipated that the family unit will experience an increase in collective happiness.

3. Solutions

1. Identify expectations

Prior to experiencing distress over your stepfather, you also expressed numerous grievances due to the inability to communicate effectively. You harbored feelings of discontent and dissatisfaction, which caused you significant distress.

The expectations of the stepfather

At this juncture, it would be prudent to set aside the issue of miscommunication and instead focus on the expectations that underpin the stepfather's actions and words.

His expectation is to achieve financial savings while simultaneously completing tasks.

It is now necessary to consider the expectations of the other party.

The expectation is to identify an effective method for resolving the issue in a timely manner.

2. Meet Expectations

Given that your ultimate expectations are aligned, but your approaches diverge, it is imperative to deliberate on the most efficacious method to address the issue in accordance with your expectations.

Effective communication is essential for achieving mutual understanding and consensus.

It is essential to employ effective communication strategies to facilitate a mutual understanding of each other's perspectives and to reach a consensus.

It would be beneficial to identify potential resources.

The discussion is focused on identifying the most efficient, beneficial, and safest resources for pulling wires and installing an electrical box in the garage. It is essential to resolve this issue promptly.

Meet expectations.

Once effective communication, the identification of resources, the discussion of solutions, and the selection of an appropriate solution have been completed, the decision regarding who will address the issue must be made. Ultimately, expectations must be met.

Thirdly, it is imperative to embrace the transformative power of love.

In general, there are no significant disagreements between you and your mother or stepfather that impede your relationship. You are connected by a sense of love.

It is recommended that effective communication methods be employed.

The current issue is that the subject believes he is unable to communicate effectively with his stepfather and mother, which negatively impacts his mood when in their presence. As previously stated, the primary challenge lies in the subject's communication style. Once he has mastered effective communication when he is not emotional and consistent communication when he is emotional, his communication with his stepfather and mother will improve.

It is imperative to embrace the transformative potential of love.

It is evident that the bond of love between you serves to unify your relationship. When faced with challenges, it is crucial to recognize that they are ultimately inconsequential when compared to the power of love. By embracing this love, you can foster understanding and acceptance, enabling you to navigate differences through communication and find solutions that benefit all parties involved. I believe in the transformative potential of love.

It is recommended that the Topic Master utilize effective communication methods to foster a deeper relationship with their stepfather and mother, leading to unexpected rewards.

Ultimately, I extend my sincerest wishes for the original poster's well-being and success.