My younger brother graduated from a junior college over two years ago, and he is about to get married. However, his job is unstable. What should we do?

Hello, question asker! I am the one who will try to answer your question.

I appreciate you sharing this. After reading these words carefully, I feel a sense of fatigue, helplessness, powerlessness, and dissatisfaction.

I feel that all the things I do (including some complaints and concerns) when dealing with my younger brother are based on love, but I recognize that they are not fully accepted by my younger brother, and sometimes I even get attacked by him (perhaps more on a mental level). Regarding the problems you have encountered, I think we can sort them out together first, and I will also share some of my own thoughts, hoping to provide you with some different perspectives.

Twenty-five years old is already a true adult, and it is possible that the current state of the other person may be inextricably linked to the various protections we have had.

Perhaps we could consider it from an educational perspective?

I believe respect is the first thing that comes to mind. Although I feel most people understand this principle, I do think it is not easy to put it into practice.

It is understandable that many parents feel that children must obey their parents. However, when children are not as obedient as we would like, it can be challenging to remain calm. In such instances, it is important to remember that respect is about understanding the other person's true thoughts.

It is important to be mindful of our words and actions when interacting with children. Using phrases like "Oh, so that's what you think" or "I don't know you, I don't know which way your tail is wagging" can inadvertently make children feel disrespected, which can be hurtful. This can also impact the quality of future communication.

Communication is an important next step. While talking is a key aspect of communication, it's also valuable to develop the art of communication. It's important to be mindful of the context and the relationship when engaging in conversation, especially with someone who is younger than us.

It is often said that people appreciate kind words. Perhaps, then, we could consider affirming them more, with a view to fostering their strength.

If we begin by criticizing and blaming, it may not be the most effective way to communicate. For instance, asking "Why did you quit your job again?" or "Did you experience anything during this time away from work?" may not be the most constructive approach.

"Could you possibly tell me?" Which sentence would be more comfortable for you to hear?

Could this perhaps be a more comfortable way to approach the situation?

Perhaps the last point is still "love." Could we try to love him without our subjective judgments?

Could it be that when he does all those things we don't understand, it's because he's not our younger brother anymore? It might be helpful to give a boy more autonomy. In the future, he will have to be able to make his own decisions about many things and have the ability to judge things for himself. Of course, autonomy is not just the right to choose, but also the obligation to bear the consequences.

Perhaps we could consider looking at it from the perspective of the family system?

From the perspective of the family system, it appears that the current problem may be more complex than initially thought. If we fail to consider the issue within the context of the family system and instead focus our attention on the individual, it may prove challenging to achieve the desired outcome.

In a family system, we can observe the presence of a multitude of relationships, yet it is crucial to recognize that the most significant ones are:

1. Parents' couple system (couple relationship): When the couple relationship is less than optimal, it's possible that parents may turn to the child to fulfill their emotional needs.

2. The parent-child system of the parents (parent-child relationship): When parents had a less than optimal parent-child relationship in their early years, they may have turned to the child as a means of repairing their own early parent-child relationship.

3. Parent-child attachment system (parent-child relationship): When parents do not develop well themselves, they may sometimes turn to their children to satisfy their own needs and fulfill their life aspirations.

4. The child-parent system (the child's relationship with his parents): It can be challenging for children to differentiate between their own needs and those of their parents. When parents face difficulties or have needs that they express to their children, it's not uncommon for children to feel a sense of loyalty and a desire to unconditionally satisfy their parents' needs.

From a systemic perspective, the family system is seen as a dynamic entity that strives for equilibrium through a process of constant change. When a challenge arises that threatens the balance of the family system, it is often the younger generation, and particularly the youngest child, who assumes the role of maintaining stability and balance within the family. This suggests that when there are difficulties within the family or with a family member, it may be indicative of underlying instability within the family system.

To put it another way, family problems or difficulties with family members serve a purpose, namely maintaining the stability of the family system. With that in mind, how might he benefit from this model in the current situation?

It's possible there's a reason why we keep covering for him.

And so, I ask myself: what can we do?

I would like to find some time to have a conversation with myself. If it is possible, I believe it would be beneficial to have a private space and a safe environment in which to reflect on my views of my brother and the experiences we have shared.

It seems likely that we have tried hard over the years, and that our efforts have had some effect. Perhaps we could have a serious chat with ourselves about how it happened?

Perhaps it would be helpful to consider what efforts we have made and what direction we would like things to develop in.

Could we perhaps consider what kind of ending we hope to achieve? And who exactly is the person we hope to change?

We will now consider what we can do to achieve the goal of moving on and feeling a little more at ease.

If you do your own thing well, it may help make life a little lighter.

In the book A Change of Heart, it is suggested that there are only three things in the entire universe: our own business, other people's business, and God's business. It is perhaps worth noting that the latter two are things we cannot change even if we worry about them. It may therefore be helpful to focus on our own business and to let go of concerns about other people's affairs and the wider world.

Everyone has their own life, and no one is responsible for anyone else, nor can anyone take that responsibility. It is important to remember that we are only truly responsible for our own lives, and that others are responsible for their own happiness and sorrows.

Perhaps the best we can do is do our best, be content, and go with the flow. When we have drawn such boundaries, we may find that even walking becomes lighter.

It might be helpful to consider that, if we can shed the heavy burden on our hearts and lose that distorted sense of mission, life could become more like chasing butterflies than being chased by wolves.

It is important to note that this does not imply a lack of care or concern. Rather, it is about understanding one's own limitations and boundaries.

2. Consider your own heart.

Could I ask where our worry about our younger brother comes from? Is it perhaps a worry about his abilities?

Could it be that we are concerned about his ability to cope with challenges? Or perhaps we are anxious about the effort our parents have invested in him?

If I might make a suggestion, it would be to first identify our innermost concerns and resistances. Once we have done that, we can then consider what we can do for our brother.

It is often said that in many cases, it is helpful to understand the gains and losses involved. These gains and losses can extend beyond the material level and encompass other aspects as well.

People often look for ways to benefit themselves and avoid harm. All efforts, to some extent, have the potential to be beneficial.

3. It may be helpful to consider seeking professional assistance.

When facing problems in various relationships, it might be helpful to consider seeking the guidance of a professional psychological counselor. Through a professional and systematic approach, it may be possible to find a way to reconcile with our families and ourselves more quickly.

PS: 1psych will also regularly launch public welfare counseling activities with the aim of relieving inner emotions and releasing some pressure through counseling.

When faced with challenges in life, some people may choose to express their frustration, while others may decide to confront the issue head-on. Some may even seek alternative ways to navigate their circumstances more effectively. Here, you will find a supportive community of enthusiastic individuals, ready to accompany you through the difficult times. Additionally, there are professionals available to provide guidance and assistance.

After this series of explorations, you may have found answers that resonate with you personally.

It is my hope that these insights will be of some help to you during this difficult time.

I hope that all goes well for you and that you continue to improve.

I believe the world and I have a genuine affection for you here.