New environment, can't integrate into the social circle, do you have to join in?

Hello, question asker.

I can see you're angry, confused, and lonely.

You don't have to join any clique that makes you feel uncomfortable.

1. You're new to the group.

2. They have different values.

3. You've tried to make friends, but it hasn't worked.

4. You can work well on your own.

Let's look at each one:

1. You're new here. Don't rush to integrate or take sides. Just maintain a good relationship. You'll find there are subgroups. Don't be impatient. Just wait and see.

2. Why force integration when you have different views? Work is about working together to get paid. As long as you can work well together, it's fine.

3. Just because they don't accept you doesn't mean you haven't tried. It just means they're insensitive. No one likes a brownnoser. Most people will respect someone who is principled and self-aware.

4. If you are confident, you have nothing to fear. They will come to you for help when they need it. What are we afraid of? When you have achieved good results, they will want to catch up, but it will be too late.

Also, your family thinks you're unsociable. Maybe they don't know the truth, and it's not really relevant. They just heard it and didn't think much of it, so don't worry about it.

I hope you improve quickly in your new environment and find a way out of this one.

Follow your heart?

Hello, question asker.

My name is Xiaobai, and I'm here to tell you that you don't need to worry. I'm going to help you take your worries away.

I have carefully read your question, and I want to give you a hug first!

I have some thoughts and suggestions to share that I hope will be helpful to you.

❤️ 1. Be yourself and don't care about what others think.

Knowing that you are not sociable, you don't have to be. If you want a life of solitude, you can live and work well even if you are not sociable. It's simply a matter of accepting your natural state. If you don't like it, it's more of a nuisance. So be yourself—it's a great choice for many people.

❤️2. Develop interests and feel the beauty of life.

It is likely that unsocialized friends have been affected by some kind of trauma in childhood. Cultivating hobbies such as painting, singing, and dancing will help them express the beauty of the world and gradually integrate into society.

❤️3. Develop the ability to face life independently.

You are perfectly fine being an outsider. It's no big deal.

Take a deep breath, think about it, and adjust your mindset. Loneliness is the norm in life, so learn to reconcile with it.

I really like this quote by Haruki Murakami in What I Talk About When I Talk About Running: "No matter what anyone in the world says, my feelings are correct. No matter what others think, I will never disrupt my own rhythm."

If you like something, stick with it. If you don't, move on.

‼ No matter what, follow your feelings and don't blindly listen to other people. Know what you want and don't be swayed by external noise. Run towards the sanctuary in your heart.

Be yourself. Don't try to fit in. Good luck!

In summary, these are my views and suggestions. They will help.

You've got this!

?

Hello, dear!

From your description, it's clear to me that you already have a strong sense of what you want. When faced with external doubts, it's natural to feel a little uncertain. When you combine these feelings, it's understandable that you're not sure if you're right or not.

I feel that you are relatively independent and clear-minded, which is great! You have a clear set of values and your own position, which is fantastic. You are unwilling to agree with ways of doing things that you don't agree with, and you are unwilling to abandon your principles to do things that "fit in" with the group, such as gossiping about others and not doing things in an open and aboveboard manner, which is a great quality to have!

In this regard, I think you should be more persistent and clear-headed. And you should also agree that the so-called "integration" and "conformity" should not include giving up your own principles, catering to others, becoming the same as others, and conforming to other people's ways of doing things and worldviews. But you can absolutely stand your ground and be true to yourself!

But despite feeling a little uncomfortable inside, you agree to go to the dinner party. When your family says you are not sociable, you feel a little self-doubt, but you know you can do it!

I think this part may involve another concept in your heart. Perhaps you also agree internally that you should be kind and easy-going, and that you cannot be aloof and unfriendly. Otherwise, you'll miss out on all the love and support from your loved ones!

Our society also has similar expectations of interpersonal relationships: to be kind, polite, and especially for girls, gentle and easy-going. I don't know if you also feel pressure from these standards set by your family or society, but I know you can do it!

It seems that if you show that you don't want to get too close to people or show affection towards certain people, you will be blamed or feel like you've done something wrong. But here's the good news! You can choose to show yourself some love and be your own best friend.

Girls, in particular, are held to high standards by family and society when it comes to integration and conformity. And it's a great thing! If a man is not conformist and has a strong sense of style, we will give him an image of high-end, which in turn increases his charm.

It's a whole other ballgame for girls! I'd love to know more about your upbringing, what your family, teachers, friends, and education have taught you, and how this has influenced the way society perceives you.

This is something you should definitely explore!

I also sense an emotion. You seem to have an emotion about fitting in with the crowd, as if you are somewhat repelled and angry.

There's an emotion in it that says, "Why do I have to do this? I don't want to do it." I'm not sure if I'm feeling it correctly, but it's an interesting feeling!

If there are such emotions, they may come from the expectations your family had for you when you were young. This is totally normal! It's only natural that you are not satisfied with these expectations. When you encounter people and situations that you are willing to interact with, you may naturally do so.

However, if you encounter people and situations that you don't want to associate with, it may trigger your inner rejection of forced integration, causing you to face people and situations that you don't want to associate with. In dealing with them, you may not be able to grasp the right measure, and you may be a bit blunt. In the end, it will affect your inner clarity, and you will feel unsure whether you have handled the relationship too rigidly. But don't worry! This is an opportunity to grow and learn.

A great way to handle this is to be aware of and sort out your feelings about fitting in, and separate your emotions from your interactions with your colleagues. It's a fantastic idea to avoid projecting your rejection of fitting in onto your colleagues!

Be sure to express your own feelings about conformity!

When you are calm and clear inside, you will naturally feel closer to your colleagues with whom you get along. If your values are not quite the same, then just handle company matters professionally, politely, and peacefully, and maintain friendly collaboration.

If the other person projects their emotions on you, that is their business, not yours. You just need to stand your ground, and you will be fine!

This is the best way to make your relationship clear and strong! You don't have to give up your principles to accommodate others. You will feel empowered and relaxed!

I really hope this helps! I don't know if it corresponds to your situation, but I really do wish you well.

From your initial observations, it appears that you may be experiencing a certain degree of ambivalence. On the one hand, you have noted that the individuals in the new work group do not appear to share your values and way of thinking. Additionally, you have perceived a sense of distance when you are together, which is likely a source of discomfort.

Conversely, given the necessity of daily interaction with these individuals, it is crucial to consider the potential implications of a lack of integration within the group. Will this result in feelings of isolation, hindering one's ability to perform their duties effectively?

From my perspective, an individual's primary objective upon entering the workplace is to perform their duties in an exemplary manner, foster positive relationships with colleagues, and accomplish tasks in a more efficient and effective manner, while simultaneously avoiding undue stress or strain associated with interpersonal dynamics. Your post indicates that you have recently joined a work group, and to the existing members of the group, you are a newcomer. It is of paramount importance to navigate the initial dynamics and relationships within this work group effectively. There is a natural imbalance of familiarity and comfort between you and the existing members of the group, which can potentially lead to challenges in the initial stages.

The crucial aspect of interpersonal relationships is the establishment of mutual boundaries and the adherence to one's own principles. Initially, it may be perceived as unusual or even uncomfortable by colleagues when one does not participate in their activities. However, with time, this will become more natural and accepted.

If one relinquishes one's boundaries and principles in an effort to be accepted by the work group, it is likely that this situation will not last long, as the individual will likely experience discomfort. Furthermore, if new work group members abandon their principles and boundaries because of an attempt to fit in, it is probable that, after they become accustomed to the individual's abandonment, it will become more challenging for the individual to adhere to their boundaries and principles at a later point in time.

It is preferable to avoid compromising at the outset.

Nevertheless, it is imperative to recognize that collaboration with colleagues is essential for the successful completion of tasks, and that proximity to them is inevitable on a daily basis. The quality of these relationships will inevitably influence one's daily mood. It is therefore recommended to initially maintain a respectful distance while maintaining polite interactions with all colleagues.

It is essential to respect colleagues as unique individuals, recognizing that they possess distinct characteristics and perspectives. Accepting this diversity is crucial for fostering a productive work environment. Furthermore, it is vital to perform one's duties with diligence and conscientiousness on a daily basis.

It is advisable to refrain from engaging in non-work-related conversations. Initially, this may be challenging for both parties, but with time, it will become more natural.

It is not necessary for different social groups to be compatible. One's own moral compass should be the primary guide in determining one's level of comfort.

Concurrently, we accept others for who they are, thereby avoiding internal conflict. When confronted with challenges, it is advisable to adopt a constructive outlook and to contemplate the positive attributes of others.

A word of advice: compassion is a virtue that knows no bounds, while wisdom is a quality that can mitigate a multitude of concerns.

You are capable of achieving this goal because you are aware that your abilities and accomplishments are substantial. These abilities and accomplishments represent the most valuable reward that God has bestowed upon you.

In conclusion, colleagues who leave may become unknown entities, but one's abilities remain intrinsic and persist throughout one's lifetime.

It is recommended that you simply be yourself.

Good afternoon. If it would make you feel better, I'd be happy to give you a hug.

From the simple questions, it seems that you are experiencing a certain level of ambivalence regarding your desire to fit in with a group that you may not fully belong to.

From my perspective, being able to get along with everyone is not the only way to be considered well-adjusted. It's important to recognize that not everyone shares the same opinions, and there's no need to force a fit.

Perhaps it would be helpful to consider that you are facing two problems: one is how you view your own social awkwardness, and the other is how you view your family's comments about your social awkwardness.

Let's start by talking about you.

Could I ask your thoughts on the difficulty of fitting in? Despite your best efforts, it seems that you have not yet found the right way to fit in.

On a positive note, your relationship with other people is not that bad. They are willing to ask you questions, and you are willing to respond.

If you were to disregard the opinions of others, such as your colleagues and family, and only consider your own feelings, how would you feel about getting along with the members of the working group? Perhaps it would be helpful to consider your own feelings and not worry about anything else.

After you have had a chance to reflect, let's discuss how you feel about other people's opinions. It is evident that the words of your family still have an impact on you.

I believe they care about you and most of them think that since we live in a crowd, it is better to be sociable. Their words have influenced you, making you somewhat torn. Would you like to consider ways to compromise in order to fit in?

Could I ask you to consider why you are willing to accept the influence of your family? How would you feel if you didn't listen to what they said?

Perhaps it would be helpful to consider this from a different perspective.

Finally, let's consider ways to navigate being an outsider at work without compromising your performance.

I have a somewhat unconventional method that I've found to be effective. One approach is to create a persona for yourself. I believe that seeking friendship in the workplace may not be the most productive use of our time. The workplace and workgroups are there to get the job done. As long as the goal of getting the job done together is accomplished, the specific dynamics of the colleague relationship may not be as important. Additionally, individuals with strong abilities can often be more aloof and eccentric, and this does not necessarily affect their authority among their colleagues, let alone their promotion and pay rise.

If you don't want to integrate, you may find that you're creating an image of someone who doesn't want to integrate. Of course, it's important to ensure that your work ability is not affected, and that you're able to contribute to the completion of team goals.

I often present myself as someone who is socially anxious, which can manifest as a reluctance to engage in conversation, a preference for solitude, and a lack of experience in fostering positive interactions. This provides a rationale for my occasional absence from after-work activities.

I must admit that I do enjoy chatting, but when I'm feeling too lazy to socialise, I do tend to feel a little scared.

Perhaps the first thing you could consider is what other expectations and evaluations you are trying to meet, and why.

You might find it helpful to read the book Silent Confession, which contains the sentence, "Our entire life is about trying to escape the expectations of others and find our true selves."

If you can accept yourself fully and unconditionally, you can stop trying to meet other people's expectations, even those of your family. This will help you to live a more authentic life, free from the worries that often arise from trying to fit in with others.

You might also consider speaking with a counselor.

I am a counselor who is often Buddhist and sometimes pessimistic, occasionally positive and motivated. I believe that the world and I love you.

Hello, I'm Hua Hua, a listening therapist. From what you've shared, it seems like you're feeling a bit confused about relationships and your family's comments have made you doubt yourself a little. I really hope my understanding can help you.

If we think about it, conformity is really just about blending in with everyone. But nobody says that people have to conform!

—Regarding the first dinner you mentioned, they changed the time at the last minute after they found out you were on duty. It's possible that they really haven't adapted to the new member and really forgot about you, or they may not have cared about your feelings in the first place and were just being polite. Their usual behavior also makes you feel uncomfortable, such as being aloof, xenophobic, and even adding fuel to the fire by spreading rumors. I believe these traits are not liked by most people, and I think it's undeniable that they make you feel uncomfortable. I also feel uncomfortable when I hear about it.

And even if you make the first move, they won't improve. I know it can be tough, but try to remember that they're not going to change just because you try to connect with them.

But here's the thing: you're super capable at work, and they'll really benefit from your guidance in some areas. I think you should think about this more. Work is all about ability, and human interactions are sometimes about reciprocity and courtesy.

Hey there! It's totally possible that you're new here and your original balance has been disrupted. And when your ability to work isn't obvious, it's totally normal for others not to see you. But once you show your amazing ability, and there's a check and balance between each other, your right to speak will be highlighted!

Of course, it's possible that even if you're super competent and others need your help, the relationship might not change. But hey, that's okay! We're here to work, not to make friends.

Don't you think it's enough to get recognition from your superiors for your outstanding work? I don't think we can gain anything from their conformity experience.

I know it can be tough to pretend to be sociable. It can even feel a little fake, like we're not really being ourselves. But don't worry too much about it! We're here to live our best lives, and that means making ourselves and those who love us happy. So, let's not sweat the small stuff and focus on being our authentic selves.

I really hope my answer makes you feel better, and I wish we could all be in a good mood every day.

It's clear you're in a new environment and this group isn't a good fit for you. Their way of speaking can also make you feel very uncomfortable. It's probably safe to say there's something about each other's personalities that doesn't gel. It seems like their personalities are not similar and their outlooks on life don't match.

Even if you try to fit in with this group, you'll still feel out of place. It's clear you don't belong, and the other person might just reject you.

As it turns out, there haven't been any conflicts between you and the other members. You also politely declined the other party's dinner invitation and then deliberately scheduled the dinner for noon, which put you in a tough spot. I'm not sure if the other party did it on purpose. If they really did, you might also want to think about whether this is a bit hurtful.

You didn't really hit it off with the folks in the workgroup from the start. They were a bit strange, which made you a bit resistant. You also didn't really want to get involved in some things with them. It felt like there was no point in talking about it, and there was a risk that they would misunderstand and slander you or something.

You've been really polite and kind to others, but some people still seem to be ungrateful. Maybe both sides see things differently and need to reconcile so that everyone can set appropriate boundaries. Different groups don't have to be forced to integrate, and both sides can maintain a friendly relationship. So far, this seems to be working. If someone gives you a hard time, you can just report it to your leader and collect evidence. If your leader doesn't care, it means that there are also some problems in this company. Good luck!

ZQ?

Hello!

You said you joined a work group with no conflicts, but you always feel like you can't fit in. You agreed to a lunch gathering, but they changed the time to noon, even though they knew you had to work at noon. I imagine you were angry, feeling isolated and excluded. You found that your work style didn't match theirs, which made you less willing to integrate. But when family members say you're not sociable, do you doubt yourself? Do you have to integrate with them?

When we first join a new group, it's always uncomfortable. If the group is already formed, it's even more difficult. They're used to each other's communication and getting along. When you add in that you're new, they'll feel uncomfortable.

Your approach of buying them milk tea is a great way to get close! Participating in group activities is also a good way to integrate.

Helping them is a way to understand them better. Why hasn't anything changed?

I don't know how long you've been with them. Things take time.

It's hard to get along with people who have different worldviews. Even if you do, it's not pleasant. If you have to get along, here's what I suggest:

1. No discussion, no research.

2. Don't argue.

3. Avoid conflicts of interest.

4. Restraint and tolerance.

5. Stand your ground.

It's hard, isn't it?

There are ways to deal with sarcasm.

1. Expose the other person's plan and let them see who they really are.

2. Smile but speak directly.

3. A master of Tai Chi, you can use a little force to achieve maximum effect. For example, "Look at how fat you are." "Yes, I'm fat because I have a big heart."

4. Disdain. You despise his sarcasm and embarrass him.

Think about a few questions:

1. What would you be like if you joined this group? And what if you didn't?

2. List reasons it must be integrated. List reasons it doesn't have to be.

3. What makes you think something is what you want?

That's enough for now.

You are your own master and can find your own answers. The world loves you and everything will go your way!

Dear questioner,

I'm a pretty outgoing person, and I can tell when I meet someone. It seems like the questioner is a bit confused about entering a new workplace environment. They're wondering whether they should integrate into the social circle and also whether their family thinks they're "social or not." It's clear that the questioner has a strong sense of self-awareness and can quickly identify their situation in a new environment.

Maybe, once you've thought more clearly about what you want to get out of this, you'll see more clearly what your position and role are in your new environment.

I'm grateful to the questioner for raising this topic about the workplace: "New environment, unable to fit in with the social circle. Do you have to fit in?"

Maybe this has brought some new ideas to the discussion.

I'd also like to share my thoughts and ideas for the questioner's reference.

Let's take a look at the specific circumstances the questioner described and try to make sense of them.

I recently joined a new work group. I haven't had any conflicts with the other members during work hours, but I haven't really felt like I fit in. They often have dinner together, and they've invited me to join.

The first time I didn't want to go, so I said no, but the second time I went along with it, even though I had to work. They moved the dinner from the evening to noon.

If I can't fit in with a work group, do I have to fit into their little group?

The newbie has just joined a workgroup (for how long exactly?), and she's feeling like she doesn't fit in. This shows that she's very sensitive to her environment. In general, "veteran colleagues" in the workplace will reject new members, especially if a strong business and technical expert comes along. After all, there are "boundaries" between people wherever there are people.

– Do they always meet outside of work? They asked the question asker to join them, but the question asker kindly declined the first time. When they invited again, the question asker was already busy. Regardless of whether it was "on purpose" or not,

So, the questioner himself doesn't want to "join in," right? Then after that, he is a little concerned, and subconsciously, he still wants to be able to "fit in" more "peacefully."

My personal view is that…

1. I don't really click with the people in my work group. They don't work in the same way I do. For starters, they're good at playing games, they're more secretive in their work, and they speak in a strange way. I feel like our worldviews and thinking are not on the same level, so we can't get along.

The questioner is self-aware and has a clear sense of right and wrong. He realized that his style of doing things is different from others. For example, he is more secretive and speaks in a strange way. The questioner knows that his values and thoughts are different from others. Maybe this is an objective difference between people that will not change no matter what. As the saying goes, "People are divided into groups." Is it normal to feel like you can't get along?

2. I don't really want to get involved in anything to do with them, because if I say too much, they'll probably spread what you said the next day, embellishing it and saying it was me who said it.

Maybe the questioner is new here and is right to be cautious to avoid unnecessary "gossip." It seems that the questioner is also someone who looks at the world, at people, and thinks things through in a relatively comprehensive way.

3. I've thought about my own issues. I've bought milk tea a few times to show I'm friendly, but they still treat me the same.

Or is this just a matter of differing personalities? We all have our own unique traits. You're just as individualistic as the questioner. You know what you like and what you don't need.

... Inevitably, people will have a sense of "boundary" with each other. It's important to be able to follow your heart and maintain a certain boundary in interpersonal relationships. Maybe they are the same with everyone?

4. I'm pretty confident in my personal performance and ability, and I always give them a good answer to their questions.

This is a great personal strength of the questioner. They ask questions and get answers, which is strong proof of their "personal charm" among the working population and will be beneficial to their future career development.

Lately, my family has been saying that I don't fit in, that it's a personal issue. I've started to doubt myself. Do you have any advice? Do I have to fit in with a group of people I don't like?

— When it comes to defining "fitting in," family members might have a different take than the questioner. After all, you can directly feel the feelings brought to you by the people in your workplace environment, and you know your own personality best. You're also the one who feels the characteristics of the people around you. As for whether or not to "fit in,"

When should you integrate? Is it better to integrate selectively or to make trade-offs?

Ultimately, it's up to you to decide.

— And the questioner has fallen into self-doubt over this. Do they care about what their family thinks of them? Are they worried that their views on the people around them are "biased"?

Is "self-doubt" just a lack of confidence in oneself? Maybe this is where the questioner is confused, and it's exactly where the questioner needs to pay more attention and think about it some more.

It's important to think about the pros and cons of "fitting in/not fitting in/maintaining your individuality." This might affect your future development and positioning in this group.

For instance, your aspirations for promotion, your desire to stay in the job long-term and how you see yourself developing in the future will all affect how you view the people you work with. In general, the further you think ahead, the more you can achieve.

Given what the questioner is going through, here's how they might want to think about the future:

[1] Accept your feelings at face value for now. You can take a step back and think about what's confusing you before you make any decisions.

[2] In general, when you move from one work environment to a new one and are faced with unfamiliar colleagues, being able to quickly integrate into the new circle has a big impact on your work. Just as the questioner responded to the colleague's request for help right away, which is a good way to do it.

[3] Generally, when you start a new job, you should focus on your work, find the right time to share your ideas, and show what you can do, which will help your senior colleagues recognize your strengths.

[4] Don't let your own feelings of unfamiliarity, fear, or wariness towards your senior colleagues/small groups or circles get in the way. You can not only quickly understand the specific situation of the new work group through exchanges outside of work, but you can also show them that you're interested in getting to know them and that you're eager to make friends. This will help them accept you and feel more comfortable around you.

[5] Stay humble and ask your more experienced colleagues for advice. Especially when you're starting a new job, there are bound to be things you don't understand. Asking for advice shows you're eager to learn and keep up with the team.

This way, they'll quickly get over their resistance and accept you as one of their own.

[6] Get out of your comfort zone and start a conversation with someone new. People connect and build friendships through repeated conversations and interactions.

In today's world, it's all about "cooperation/alliance/working together." It's tough to make it on your own. When it comes to relationships, it's important to trouble others and repay them in a timely manner. This is a great way to make new friends and integrate into new circles.

[7] I wish the questioner all the best in her new role! Here is a recommended book, "Get Along with Anyone," which touches on topics such as how to quickly integrate into a new work circle. It can be read if desired.

The above is my take on the questioner's question. I hope it'll be helpful to the questioner. I wish the questioner a happy work and a promising future!

Best, [Name]

I'm here to bring sunshine into your life, and I love you!

Hello, question asker! I'm here to offer you a cup of refreshing tea. You're a capable person who has yet to integrate into your new circle. You're internally struggling with whether you should "fit in." I can help you with that.

After carefully reading your account, I can see that there are many factors at play. What actually happened? In my view, the issues you faced likely stem from two key areas.

First, we must address how you get along with others.

1. Your relationship with your new colleagues is not good. It is clear from your description that you are struggling to integrate into your new work environment.

Focus on the aspect of having a meal together. The first time they invited you, you didn't want to go and refused. The second time, you agreed, but they didn't seem to fully consider your needs. As someone who has just entered a new environment, I can say with confidence that the first meal together is probably more important. The fact that your colleagues took the initiative to invite you shows that they still want to get to know you.

Your refusal shows that you subconsciously reject spending time with them. As for the second time, after the time was changed, it's unclear if you had a communication breakdown or if they had another reason, but it's evident that they weren't "deliberately avoiding" you as you think.

The truth is not always what we think it is.

2. Your analysis reveals that the reason for the lack of cohesion is the absence of conflicts, despite the presence of incompatibilities. The four reasons you have outlined — differences between you and various factors that reflect poorly on you — indicate that integration is not feasible and that avoidance is the default mode of interaction.

This also shows that you are reluctant to integrate with your colleagues. You see only the negative things about them.

We won't comment on whether this is true or not, but I believe that such strong feelings of disgust, whether you have consciously or unconsciously expressed them in front of them, they can feel it. It's amazing that a lot of the time, communication between people is understood without words.

We must acknowledge that it is challenging to be genuinely kind or like someone we dislike.

Secondly, it is a matter of how you get along with yourself. From your description, I am certain that you are struggling with your inner self.

You don't want to integrate into this new work group, yet you also want to integrate into this new environment. How do I put it?

You will recognize the warning signs and limiting signals that tell you to stay away from this place and these people. You also hope that they will accept you on their own initiative. Otherwise, you are willing to adjust the time of the dinner gathering and you are not concerned about your family's evaluation of your "non-conformity."

If you force yourself to be sociable when you don't want to, you'll only end up feeling bad, worried, and doubtful about whether you have a problem.

Let me be clear: the question of whether a person needs to fit in and the question of whether a person has to integrate into a group of people they don't like are two different questions.

As for the first question, it is essential to understand what is meant by "getting along with others." I believe that eating, drinking, and having fun together is just one way of "getting along with others." Communication at work, shared interests and hobbies, and common aspirations are all examples of "getting along with others."

As a normal member of society, I believe that one should have one's own group of friends, but it doesn't have to be at work. The traditional emphasis on the teaching of "dedication to work and joy in the community" is well-founded.

People are social animals. Belonging is a need for self-improvement and a way to realize one's own value.

However, in modern society, people are more mobile. Depending on one's personality or other reasons in life, there is no need to force oneself to fit in immediately. It is important to note that not fitting in does not mean having an uncomfortable or hostile relationship with other people.

You have the power to choose whether or not you fit in. It's not about other people. This choice allows you to feel comfortable, while also respecting the feelings of others.

If you're just starting a new job, communicate when necessary. There's no need to fret over how well a group of them get along (they've been together a long time).

Integrating into a group of people you dislike is difficult. Even if you pretend to be happy and integrate for a while, it is always difficult to continue.

The answer to the second question is clear: it is difficult for a person to truly integrate into a group of people they dislike. Even if they pretend to be happy and integrate for a while, it is always difficult to continue.

Furthermore, the dissonance between your mind and body during the course of the activity is detrimental to you and those around you. We often say that "like attracts like" because there is sincerity and common ground in the group.

If you maintain a purely superficial relationship, such as buying milk tea a few times to show your interest, you will only disappoint yourself. You will also lead yourself to believe a self-fulfilling prophecy: "I knew it. They won't be nice to me, so I don't like them." This is why they don't integrate.

Integrating into a group is like falling in love. Either the group discovers and appreciates your bright spots, allowing you to discover your own value and feel needed, or you are attracted to some outstanding quality of the group, enjoy it, and are willing to join in and "smell like a rose."

In summary, you need to improve your relationship with others as a new colleague. You need to decide whether you are working together in the short term or the long term. You also need to identify any bright spots that are waiting to be discovered.

Don't be hard on yourself, and don't lie to yourself.

For the second question, you must reconcile your state of being with yourself. Listen to your inner voice. Are you afraid of being rejected by others?

Express your true thoughts. Accept and like yourself, regardless of your abilities.

My name is Shushan Wenquan. I firmly believe that everyone has the power to solve their own problems. I always look for the root cause within the individual. I hope you can look at this answer objectively and sincerely wish you can become a happy person who likes themselves, is dedicated, and sociable!

The individual who posed the question is referred to hereinafter as the "Question asker."

It is accurate to conclude that the process of acclimating to a novel work environment can require a considerable investment of time.

Given that you appear to have difficulty integrating with your new colleagues, it is understandable that you are experiencing feelings of self-doubt. Is it necessary to conform to the expectations of a group with which you have difficulty relating? Let us discuss this further.

The adage "Don't force yourself to fit in with a group you don't belong to" is one that I have found to be particularly applicable in my own experience. I have observed that when one attempts to force themselves into a social group with which they do not naturally align, it can lead to a multitude of negative outcomes. These include feelings of embarrassment and anxiety, as well as a lack of natural social cohesion. Instead, the individual may come to be perceived as somewhat eccentric, which can in turn lead to feelings of self-doubt regarding their social anxiety. It is important to recognize that the anxiety experienced in such situations is not a reflection of one's inherent social abilities, but rather a result of attempting to navigate a social environment that does not align with one's natural tendencies.

You have indicated that you do not enjoy the company of your colleagues, that their approach to work differs from yours. There is no need for you to question your own feelings on this matter. Each individual possesses their own set of values, and it is therefore important to accept that you do not care for those of your colleagues. If you do not care for them, it is important not to deny your feelings.

One may hold a negative opinion of the situation, but it is imperative to learn to respect each other. By respecting each other's differences, others will gradually come to respect you as well.

You indicated that you refrain from engaging in their conversations because you perceive a risk of being the subject of gossip. This suggests that you possess excellent social skills. However, in a group setting, it is inadvisable to be excessively reticent, as it may result in your exclusion from the discourse.

One can learn to listen and occasionally contribute to the discourse. It is still preferable to listen more and speak less.

Furthermore, your practice of purchasing milk tea for your colleagues indicates your willingness to foster positive relations with them. This approach is undoubtedly more beneficial than its alternative. Should circumstances permit, it is acceptable to socialize with them on a limited basis.

You are quite capable, so you often assist your colleagues, which is also commendable. In a team, providing assistance to one another is also conducive to enhanced individual performance. You may require assistance from others at some point in the future.

Indeed, it is possible to demonstrate vulnerability on occasion and request assistance. This can foster the perception that one is not inherently superior to others and may reduce the likelihood of eliciting envy.

I will now present a few additional points for your consideration.

1. It is of the utmost importance to manage one's impression. Regardless of one's introversion or extroversion, it is crucial to possess one's own personal charm. It is imperative not to allow others to perceive one as negative attributes such as taciturn, preoccupied, or arrogant.

2. Cultivate the ability to offer positive attention. While fostering positive relationships with colleagues and expressing gratitude for their contributions is an effective way to build rapport, it is essential to be genuine and authentic in these interactions. For instance, if a colleague is known for their meticulous nature, it is important to acknowledge this quality directly, rather than merely stating it as a general observation.

3. It is important to pay attention to details, maintain a polite yet not servile demeanor, and smile more frequently when meeting others.

Fourthly, it is recommended that you learn to communicate with people, utilising the sandwich communication method or alternatively, you may wish to consider Nonviolent Communication.

5. It is advisable to participate in group activities as frequently as possible.

In the context of the modern workplace, the ability to perform one's duties in a satisfactory manner is of paramount importance. Colleagues are simply colleagues, and it is beneficial to be able to work together effectively to achieve desired outcomes. There is no need to doubt oneself due to the presence of colleagues. It is my hope that this analysis will prove to be of some assistance.