No matter how hard I work, she doesn't help with anything. I hate my mother so much. What should I do?

Hello! I'm WeiZhiPeng from Yixinli. I just wanted to let you know that systemic psychotherapy is one of the four major schools of modern psychotherapy. The other three are psychoanalysis, cognitive behavioral therapy, and humanistic therapy. This school mainly does short-term counseling, usually about 10 sessions.

I'm sorry, but the answer only provides one possibility.

Your writing is so concise, and I can really feel the difficulty you're currently facing as a single mother. I think I understand about 40-50% of the emotions your current situation brings you, but I suspect your actual situation is more complicated than your words suggest.

I can see that you have some issues with your mother. I think she might be the only person who can really help you. I'm sure she'd be happy to help if you let her.

I'd love to hear what challenges you're currently facing. I'm not sure I can offer helpful advice unless I know more about your situation.

Single mothers really have a hard time, don't they? I'd love to understand what kind of things you are encountering right now.

For instance,

I'd love to know what your ex-husband is up to these days! Are you still in touch?

Or, there might be other things going on, too!

2. I'd love to know what's going on with your in-laws. What are their thoughts on the matter of the child?

Or, we can always ask you more questions if you'd like!

3. We'd love to know if you have any family or friends in your area!

We'd love to hear more about your current situation, and we're also really interested in how things are going for the people around you.

I'm sure you'll be able to find a solution that will help you.

Hello! I'm a heart coach, and I'm here to support you with warmth and a sincere ear.

When you give me a hug in the clouds, I feel your anger and hatred towards my mother, but I also feel your love!

You hate them for getting divorced and for involving you. But you know what? You're going to be just fine! Even if you are looked after by your grandparents, you still feel like an "orphan" inside. But you know what else? You're not alone! There are plenty of other kids out there who feel the same way. And you know what else? You're going to be just fine!

It is their divorce, and it is your mother who has caused your current misfortune: your current unhappy marriage, becoming a single mother, taking care of the children, and the various hardships in life have only intensified your hatred of your mother. But you can overcome this!

The family is an amazingly powerful "system" in which we are greatly influenced by the family and parents. This is why so many people talk about the influence of the "original family" on themselves, especially some of the bad influences, and their hearts are full of resentment just like yours.

Tolstoy said something really interesting. He said that every unhappy family is unhappy in its own way. But here's the really fascinating part: sometimes a person's unhappiness is exactly the same as their parents' unhappiness!

On top of that, they might even empathize with their wounded mother through the divorce!

An unhappy marriage is the biggest victim of the child. The good news is that there's a way to help! By providing a sense of security, we can make a huge impact.

Children aged 4 months to 3 years gain a wonderful sense of security from their parents' relationship, their companionship, and their parenting style!

People who lack a sense of security are on a quest for it! If they can't get it from their parents, they'll look for it from their classmates, teachers, or colleagues. Even after they get married, they'll keep "demanding" love from their partners.

A person who lacks love is like a person with an empty stomach. They will look for food to eat, even if it is rotten, moldy, or even poisonous, because they are so hungry!

Have you ever wondered why some women repeatedly encounter "scum" and "domestic violence" men? The answer is simple: they lack love! We are all desperately seeking the fulfillment of needs that we did not receive from our parents. And while marriage is a wonderful thing, it cannot fulfill all of our needs.

"When we are dissatisfied with our original family, we have the incredible opportunity to seek a partner who is the complete opposite to compensate! But sometimes being too obsessed with the past will only lead us into a vicious circle."

Children repeat their parents' marital patterns because, more often than not, people repeat things unconsciously — and there's a simple way to break the cycle!

As the great psychologist Carl Jung said, your subconscious guides your life, and you call it fate. And fate is being caught in a forced repetition (people who have experienced something extremely painful or happy will repeatedly create such experiences in their lives in the future), unable to escape.

I've got two pieces of advice for you!

1. It's time to achieve psychological separation from your family of origin and reconcile with your parents!

It's not about forgiving your parents, it's about saving yourself!

Parents are our original family, and we are the original family of our children. Every parent can provide a healthy environment for their children to grow up both physically and mentally—and that's something to be excited about!

1) It's time to separate your life's issues from your parents' life's issues!

Your parents' marriage is their business, and you have your own life to live! Don't let them influence or control you. When you were a child, you couldn't resist or escape, but now that you're an adult, you're strong and can be your own "significant other" and give yourself the psychological nourishment you deserve!

2) It's time to separate your identity as a parent from their behavior!

Even parents have their limitations, but that's okay! Their upbringing, their experiences, the parenting and nurturing they received, and so on, all affect their ability to love.

Embrace new perspectives, discover the truth about problems, and embrace the freedom to choose! Sometimes, it's essential to re-understand our parents from the perspective of a stranger.

Love is a capacity! When we are unconditionally accepted by our parents from an early age, it activates our capacity for love!

The dissolution of a parent's marriage is not terrible. What is terrible is whether the way of caring for and educating children after the divorce is positive and constructive. If parents treat you this way, you have the power to treat your children the same way.

3) Forgive and forgive!

"I hate you, but growing up, I became you." Not only does hatred put a huge burden on you, it can also turn you into the kind of person you hate.

If you delve deeper into hatred, you will discover something incredible! It's actually hatred of oneself, hatred of one's own powerlessness, hatred of one's own suffering. Some people choose to hate others and vent outwardly.

There are two incredible ways to let go of hatred: you can either forgive, or you can forgive.

Forgiveness is all about letting go of the faults of others. When you focus on letting go of the faults of others, it becomes much easier to forgive!

Forgiveness is about yourself and the amazing results that come from your own personal growth. Even if others are at fault and we cannot change them, we can forgive ourselves and become more comfortable with ourselves.

Forgiveness is a wonderful thing! It allows us to focus on ourselves and our own growth and happiness. We cannot change others, but we can control ourselves.

Forgiveness is hopeful! It's about healing yourself and having nothing to do with others.

2. Rethink your marriage!

Guess what! Everyone comes into our lives to help us learn important life lessons. This is also true of our parents and ex-husbands.

You can see your patterns and your interactions with them in your relationship with them. Summing up the past is to better welcome the future—and it's a great way to start fresh!

Happiness is always there, just waiting for us to find it! We can't change what happened in the past, but we can change the way we look at it.

Absolutely use your parents' marriage as a reference to amend your own intimate relationship and reap happiness!

In particular, remember to be kind and respectful to each other in front of the children. Even though your relationship may have ended, you are still their parents and they still look up to you!

I really hope the above is helpful to you, and to the world! And I love you! ?

If you want to continue the conversation, just click "Find a coach" in the upper right corner or at the bottom! I can't wait to communicate and grow with you one-on-one.

Hello!

I am a heart coach, and learning is the treasure of the body!

From your brief description, I can feel the strong anger, dissatisfaction, sadness, upset, hatred, pain, and helplessness in you—and I'm excited to help you work through them!

I'm not going to get into all the nitty-gritty of why you feel the way you do about your mom. But I do have three awesome tips that I think you'll love!

First, I suggest you think back to where your hatred of your mother comes from.

In your description, you said that when you were one year old, your mother and father divorced and you lived with your grandparents. Now you are a 30-year-old single mother, and your mother has not cared about you for 30 years, so you have a lot of resentment towards her. But you're here now, ready to take control of your life and make a change!

Let me try to analyze the reasons for this for you:

When you were little, you didn't get any love from your mother, which made you feel insecure. This includes the fact that her divorce from your father may have affected your subsequent romantic relationships. This is one reason for your dissatisfaction with her. Now you are having a hard time raising your child alone, and she still doesn't help, which makes you hate her even more, because she doesn't realize how unqualified she is as a mother. I suspect that now that she is living with you, you may have to take care of her as well. She shows no remorse, but instead constantly denies you and nags you. In short, you need to figure out why you hate her so much.

Once you have sorted out all your grievances against her, you will be able to slowly resolve them one by one, and in turn, make yourself feel better!

Second, I suggest you take a deep breath and rationalize your hatred for her.

Rationally viewing the situation is a great way to understand yourself and reality better!

To embrace this truth with a clear and open mind, there are two simple steps you can take:

First, understand that some mothers (and fathers) just don't love their children.

I know it can be hard to believe, but there are actually mothers out there who don't love their children. And your mother may be one of them.

I know it might be tough to accept this truth, but it's an important step to take. You've got this!

Of course, there are also situations where parents don't love their children. They don't mean to, but they just can't. They don't have the ability to love in the way you need. Maybe your mother is also like that. She may love you in a way that says, "I'm doing what's best for you," but that kind of love is not real love. It's a kind of coercion or control, but that's the only way she knows how to love you.

In either case, I really hope you can accept the fact that your mother will not love you the way you want her to. You may feel desperate and powerless, but once you accept this fact, you will feel so much better inside! Without expectations, there is no hurt.

Second, get this: the status quo can be changed because you can change!

And the great news is that when you exert your subjective initiative, there will be changes in your heart, and your relationship with your mother may also improve!

When you look at it rationally like this, you'll be amazed at how some of those negative emotions in your heart can be resolved!

I really encourage you to focus on yourself and think about all the amazing things you can do to make yourself feel better!

When you take a rational look at your feelings of hatred towards your mother, you may also find the strength to take action. At this point, you focus on yourself and try your best to do a good job.

For example, you can try communicating with your mother honestly on the premise of accepting that she is not a good mother. The purpose of the communication is to let her know your true thoughts, including your dissatisfaction with her. However, you must remain calm and rational, and not get emotional. You just need to let her understand how you feel about her in your heart, and stop expecting her to change. After this kind of communication, you have effectively reconciled with her (the purpose of reconciliation is to let you let go of the past, your expectations of your mother, and look forward). At the same time, once you stop expecting her to change, she may actually change. It may sound contradictory, but it is true, because change is based on allowing things to remain unchanged.

Perhaps you feel that you still have to support her, which makes you think of all the ways she has been indifferent to you. This is totally normal! At this time, you can tell yourself that you are only fulfilling your duty as a daughter, and you no longer expect an emotional connection with her. This is letting go of the obsession that she "should" help you and "should" love you. Then you will be able to deal with your life relatively peacefully, because you know that you can only rely on yourself now. There is a sense of helplessness, but also some relief.

You can also try talking to a trustworthy friend or family member, because talking itself will make you feel better. Once negative emotions start flowing, they will have a healing effect.

You can also do your best to do the things you should do, including working hard, taking care of your children (telling yourself not to become a mother like your mother), and trying to get into the next relationship, etc., so that your attention is on yourself. When you make yourself better, you will have more strength to deal with your relationship with your mother; and so on. In short, you need to know that you can do something to improve the situation, and you can!

When you start taking action, something amazing happens: the various negative emotions in your heart will naturally slowly dissolve! And you know what? Action is sometimes the enemy of various negative emotions.

I really hope my answer helps you! If you want to chat some more, just click on "Find a coach" at the bottom and I'll be in touch!

Hello!

It's so sad to feel like you've been isolated and helpless ever since you were a child, and then got married and had children.

Your parents divorced when you were just one year old, and they left you with your grandparents. You felt like you were no longer needed and just discarded, and you experienced a lot of abandonment fear and resentment.

In your heart, you feel that your parents' irresponsible behavior created an unhappy childhood for you, and that it didn't help you when you became an adult. You feel very hard done by, very aggrieved, and very angry, right?

Oh, sweetheart, you lost your mother's love when you were just one year old. That's so sad! And during this most important stage of growth, the source of love in your heart has dried up.

It's so sad when kids don't get the love and support they need from their parents. It can really take a toll on them, especially when they're still young. They have to bear such a heavy burden of innocence and helplessness without the nurturing love of a mother, the support of a father, and the warmth of companionship.

It's totally understandable if you're not sure about relationships after seeing your parents' relationship fail.

Your parents didn't set a good example for you, so you're not sure how to get along with your loved one.

So, you repeated the same old path as your parents, divorced and raised your child alone, becoming a single mother. I know it's not an easy road, but you're doing a great job!

We all know how hard it can be being a single mother. Just taking care of the daily life of a child is enough to wear you out, right?

And, as you're going through the journey of raising a child, you might find that some of your past experiences come up again. It's totally normal to feel a range of emotions, and it's okay to feel overwhelmed.

It would be so lovely if your mother could come to your side and help you, as I'm sure it would bring you some comfort.

She's a great help with the children, which takes a lot of the burden off you. And it allows you to experience some of the love you didn't get before, which is really lovely.

It seems like your mother has been absent from your life, sweetheart.

For 30 years, she hasn't been there for you, and you've had to fend for yourself. It's been tough, I know.

So, you feel so strongly about this that you wish your mother would just disappear.

It feels like this: since you can't help me anyway, and I can't count on you, I might as well let you know that without a mother like you, I don't have any expectations, and I don't need your support and help. I don't expect any compensation in the form of love, right?

It's so sad, but the more you hate your mother, the more you long to be loved by her.

But, sweetie, your mom can't give you love because she's lacking love too.

A loving mother wants to love her child.

It's possible that she never received love herself, which is why she might have a hard time loving her child.

I know it can feel like you're raising your child alone, feeling helpless and powerless, even if you feel so indebted to your child. It's so hard to muster the strength, isn't it?

I'm not sure what roles your father and your child's father played in your family of origin and your child's family of origin. You haven't mentioned them, so I'm not sure how they fit into the picture.

I really think that if your father was able to take care of you after your parents divorced, you'd feel a lot more empowered.

If the father of your child can help you raise the child together after your divorce, you wouldn't expect a mother who clearly doesn't care about anything to help you and feel so desperate, would you? Of course not!

It's totally normal to feel some growing pains in your life. The good news is that you can get help with this. There are lots of great professional psychological services out there that can help you work through things.

It's so important to remember that the responsibility of raising a child needs to be shared by the child's father. This is not only your need, but also the responsibility of the child's father. It's also an indispensable paternal role in the child's growth.

I really hope you can find it in your heart to forgive your mother. If you can understand her feelings and actions with your father from your current situation, it may help you feel a little relieved.

If you can't understand or forgive, it's okay to let go of your expectations of your mother. She can't be a good mother, and that's okay! You try to feel your child through yourself, pour love into your child, and help your child feel loved by you and dad. When your child feels loved by you and dad, it will also have a therapeutic effect on your psychology.

That's all for now!

Hi, I'm Yan Guilai, a psychological counselor. I just wanted to send you and your little one some love and well-wishes!

Hello.

Host:

I am Zeng Chen, a heart exploration coach. I have read the post carefully, and I understand your hatred.

The poster has bravely faced her own heart and actively sought help on the platform, which will undoubtedly help her better understand and know herself. This will help her adjust her state of mind and make herself feel more relaxed and at ease.

Next, I will share my observations and thoughts on the post, which will undoubtedly help the poster gain a richer perspective on

1. Allow yourself to feel hatred and express it in a reasonable way.

The original poster's mother divorced my father when she was one year old, leaving her with her grandparents. I am now a 30-year-old single mother. My mother has not cared about anything for 30 years and does not help me with the hard work of raising a child.

I hope she dies quickly every day. After reading this, I understand why you hate your mother.

This hatred makes you very hard, doesn't it?

Let's make life easier for ourselves. We can accept our hatred of our mother and express it reasonably. Allowing ourselves to hate is accepting our emotions. Expressing hatred reasonably relieves our emotions.

Of course, relieving our emotions is not always about forgiveness. So, how do we express our hatred?

Express your feelings and thoughts through writing in a diary. In the process of writing, your emotions will be heard and expressed, and then they will be relieved.

2. Let go of your expectations of your mother.

Some people say that hate is the opposite of love. Let's be honest, why do we hate so much?

Often, it is because we still have expectations of our mothers. But we have also discovered that the more we expect, the more likely we are to be disappointed.

Let go of your expectations of your mother and accept her for who she really is. Without expectations, you won't be disappointed and won't feel drained emotionally. Save that energy and use it to take care of your own feelings. You'll feel better and be happier.

3. Learn to reconcile.

Reconciliation is not about reconciliation. It's about taking responsibility for your own life, your own needs, and your own emotions.

We no longer blame or complain. We take control of our lives.

If our hearts are full of hatred, full of complaints and accusations, then there is no room for happiness and well-being. It's simple: our hearts are like a cup. If it is full of water, then there is no room for anything else. So sometimes what we have to learn is to say goodbye to the past. The past has hurt us, the past has not been happy, but do we want to continue on like this?

Therefore, learn to reconcile. Forgiveness is not the point. It's about living a better life for yourself and being happy and joyful.

4. Love yourself.

Psychologically speaking, you can't give to others what you don't have. The OP is now a mother, so focus on yourself and your child.

By repairing ourselves, we can give our children better love and protection.

We cannot give others what we do not have ourselves. If our hearts are full of hatred, we will unconsciously transfer this emotion to our children.

The original poster needs to pay attention to this. If they learn to love themselves and their heart is full of love, they will unconsciously pass on this love to their children.

A child who feels warmth and care and has a good childhood is happy. The original poster should love themselves and their children.

Raising a child is a chance to raise ourselves again.

I am confident that these words have been of help and inspiration to you.

Hi, I'm Strawberry.

After reading your story and experiences, I just wanted to give you a hug. When you're tired, you must really want someone to help you out so that you can catch your breath, rest, and then continue to face the world.

When the OP was one year old, his parents divorced, and they left you with your grandparents. It's clear from this that they weren't responsible parents. They were also pretty selfish. They were more concerned with their own emotions and feelings than with yours. You were just over one year old at the time.

The impact of parental neglect and irresponsibility on the questioner is significant. The ability to form love is crucial. Your parents didn't teach you this, so it's understandable that you're "fighting alone" and struggling to navigate life.

The first six months of a child's life are really important for forming an attachment. There are four types of attachment: secure, avoidant, ambivalent, and disorganized. How a parent spends time with their child affects the type of attachment they have. Once an attachment is formed, no matter how the parent treats the child, the child will still love and be attached to the parent.

The questioner said that she is now a single mother, which is the result of her parents' relationship influencing her, making it difficult for her to deal with her own relationship and marriage problems. Perhaps because of their relationship, she thinks that marriage is difficult to be happy in.

No matter how hard I work, she doesn't help with anything. I really dislike my mother. What should I do?

First, there are still expectations of the mother.

From the question, it seems like the questioner still has contact with her mother. When you're having a hard time, you really hope she'll take the initiative to help you. When the questioner was young, she could ignore you and leave you with your grandparents. As a parent, she wasn't very competent. Would the questioner be willing to put her child in her care? What can she teach your child?

She has some relationship issues, and these are probably down to her upbringing and the people she's been around. Now that so many years have passed, she hasn't really looked at why her marriage failed, nor has she realised what she needs to change. So the more you expect from her, the more you'll be disappointed.

2. Learn to manage her impact on you.

The original poster now has her own child. Having your child with you shows that you don't want your child to be like you. You want to give your child the love you can, let your child grow up with both parents, and even if you are a single parent, you also want your child to know that his or her parents love him or her.

This is the questioner starting to acknowledge the harm your original family has caused you. It's the first step in reducing the negative impact of your original family on us. It's a long road, and it might take a lifetime, but please don't give up. Only by you walking away from the harm your original family has done to you can your child have a better life.

The questioner can learn to relieve and nurture themselves by studying psychology. Self-study can be challenging, so it's helpful to find friends with common interests and hobbies in the platform community to study and chat with. Group therapy is also a great way to relieve stress.

Once you've got a handle on your own emotional issues and can face your mother, you'll find you're a lot more relaxed and don't feel as much hatred in your heart. Your hatred doesn't matter to them and just reminds you that you can't let go of the past.

3. Try to get your mother to study with you.

If you live with your mother but she isn't willing to change, you'll still have conflicts. Try to persuade her to learn about psychology with you. If you need to, she can also get psychological counseling.

I'm curious if the questioner is familiar with the Satir Model of Family Therapy. Since the problem originates in the original family, the only way to resolve it is for the entire family to undergo psychological counseling and treatment together. Otherwise, if one person improves and returns to their original living situation, the impending issues will still exist, and the original pattern will be reinstated.

If the questioner can learn about psychology and use their own abilities to influence their mother to learn along with them, it will be effective in changing your current situation. No one can tell you how long it will take to change because it depends on the individual and whether they will give up halfway through if they can't keep going. But as long as you are willing to work hard, you'll get results.

I hope my answer is helpful to the questioner. Best regards.

Hello, question asker.

From your description, it's clear you resent your mother. This resentment has followed you into motherhood. You may even associate your treatment of your child with your mother's treatment of you. You might think, "How could she abandon her child and be happy on her own?" This makes you even angrier at her for being irresponsible.

Furthermore, your resentment has led you to expect compensation. As a mother, you are overwhelmed by the demands of childcare, and you hope your mother will provide assistance. However, she has not met your expectations. This has led you from disappointment to despair, and in your despair, you want to destroy your mother and let her die. Is there also a hidden disgust for yourself for not being able to tolerate the hope you still have for her in your heart, behind this thought?

Let's be real, raising a child is tough, especially for a single mother. In the tough times, you'll naturally look to others for support and help. But here's the thing: why, when faced with a tough situation and given a choice, do you only look to your mother for help?

Your description does not mention the father of the child or your father. I cannot guess from your description what kind of upbringing you had, so I feel at a loss.

Let me be clear: not all parents are aware of their responsibilities and are willing to take them on. Some parents even feel that their children are a burden to them, and so they pour their bad emotions onto their children at will. You can vent your resentment towards your mother here, and even hope that she can feel guilty and compensate for your current difficult situation. But this does not reflect that she supported you during your upbringing.

But this support is not strong enough to fill the gap you once felt, so you are outraged? Whatever the past, think about it from another perspective. One thing is clear: your mother did not abuse you physically or emotionally.

You grew up safely and even established your own family. Despite the challenges in your family, you still had the strength to persevere and bring up your children.

I don't have all the information, but I know we can find solutions. We'll look at some common and proven methods to deal with anger and resentment. We'll see which ones suit you and how we can adapt them to work for you.

1. Learn to be grateful. You may think this is an absurd practice, but you need to learn to be grateful. The misfortunes of the past and present have made you feel that life is full of "malice" towards you. In the midst of helplessness and suffering, you have directed your malice towards your mother. It is time to stop allowing negative emotions to control you and start feeling gratitude.

Gratitude and negativity don't coexist. It's impossible to feel grateful and jealous, angry, or resentful at the same time.

Gratitude and hatred cannot coexist. Treat it as a multiple-choice question where you have to choose one of the two options. Make your life more comfortable and your emotions more beautiful by actively choosing gratitude. Even if you cannot or do not want to give up your resentment towards your mother, that's okay. Childhood traumas cannot be soothed by the seemingly correct teachings of others (including me) in a few words. I will not and do not want to put too much pressure on you.

It's normal to feel negative emotions when facing problems. Don't put too much pressure on yourself. If you want to practice gratitude, remember that some things (like flowers, food, singing, smiles, etc.) are still worth being grateful for, even if you occasionally feel anger or resentment. Make time to practice in your spare time.

2. Practice meditation. Research proves that meditation has a powerful healing effect on self-control, concentration, emotional health, and understanding oneself. It's simple to get started. Just devote 10-15 minutes a day to practice and keep at it. You'll experience healing without even realizing it. Let's give it a try. Additionally, there are some common misconceptions about meditation, and I'll address them:

Meditation is effective but not efficient. Meditation has become popular in China in recent years, but few people can really stick with it. This is because modern people generally pursue "efficient" means of dealing with emotions, and a single session or even a few sessions of meditation cannot meet their expectations.

However, research has proven that meditation can and does bring about changes in people. These changes are not only reflected in the meditation process, but also in the brain. Compared with people who do not meditate, those who meditate perform better in terms of positive thinking and optimism, which means that they experience more positive emotions.

Many people who have practiced meditation will admit that it has brought them a relaxed and calm experience. However, when asked if they are still persevering, some may be at a loss for words. This is a problem that can be solved.

This is because it reflects human inertia and narrow-mindedness when looking at problems. Firstly, "repeating a simple thing" is actually not simple, and secondly, small gains are often not valued. If you choose to meditate and want to stick with it, you must integrate it into your daily life. This is the only way to make it stick. Wash up before going to bed, moisturize after bathing, and wash the dishes after meals. These are simple, everyday tasks. People do not feel stressed or uncomfortable sticking to these things because they are part of daily life. For sticking to meditation, you must also find ways to integrate it into your life. This could be establishing a connection between sleep and meditation, so that the last action before going to bed becomes meditation (my practice), or changing the preparatory actions for washing up and bathing to meditation.

3. Choose more effective social support. If you want help and support with parenting, a suitable parenting counseling agency, or a group of single mothers or parenting groups with the same or similar experiences, do it. If you want emotional relief and release, use Yixin. There are many good counselors or listeners on Yixin, and they can provide better emotional support and more adaptive advice. Otherwise, call a national or local psychological counseling service hotline.

Call the Central Committee of the Communist Youth League's national youth psychological counseling and legal aid hotline: 12355.

Call the National Hope 24-hour Unified Psychological Crisis Hotline at 400-161-9995.

Call the National Health Commission's toll-free health hotline: 12320.

You can find local counseling hotlines by searching "area name + free counseling" on Baidu.

I am confident that the above information will be helpful.

Hello!

From what you shared, I can tell how much pain you've been through with your mother. I'm here for you, and I'm sending you a big, warm energy hug from across the screen!

You're a 30-year-old single mom now. I bet you've had your own share of love and married life experiences. I can imagine that the distance between you and your mom might have been tough and full of regrets.

It's so important to recognize how much of your feelings towards your mother are influenced by the opinions of your grandparents and other relatives. As you grew up, you probably heard these opinions repeated over and over again, and they became a part of your perception.

Maybe because you were so close, you agreed with your grandparents about your mom. It's totally understandable that you felt this way! It's only natural to feel this way when you're so close to someone and then they break up with you. It's like a weed that grows really fast!

Hate and love are two sides of the same coin. It's only natural to feel a little disappointed when we expect love from our mothers and don't get it.

The only way to save yourself is to resolve the hatred. There are so many reasons why your parents' marriage broke down, and your mom isn't to blame for everything.

I truly believe that understanding the choices your young parents made about marriage for you may give you a deeper insight into your mother, understanding, and a different understanding of your mother.

I'd love to help you explore this, and I'm here to support you in facing the past and present together.

My life has been full of challenges, but I've learned a lot along the way. I hope that sharing my experiences will be helpful to you!

You've had to grow up without a mother by your side, which has given you the opportunity to create a stable environment for yourself. You've been through a lot over the years, and it is not easy to describe in words, but you've made it through!

Now, as a single mother, you have the incredible opportunity to rise to the challenge of raising your child in a way that your mother never did. It is only natural to feel a sense of frustration when your closest relatives give birth to you but do not raise you and do not offer a helping hand when you are suffering. Perhaps there is also a deep sadness and hopelessness behind this frustration:

You are the one who gave birth to me! What did I do wrong? Why were you so heartless as to abandon me?

And after I became an adult, I faced the challenges of taking care of a child, and I was up for the task!

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Facing such difficulties, the following sharing is here to provide you with some support!

Facing such difficulties, the following sharing is here to provide you with some support!

It's so inspiring to see the difference between you and your mother! It gives you so much warmth and strength!

You are doing an amazing job! You are a single mother, but you are trying your best to raise your child and create a stable living environment for him, even though it is difficult. This is the biggest difference between you and your mother.

On top of the responsibility you feel towards your child, it also takes a great deal of courage and strength on your part to be able to do this. You're amazing!

So, if you like, give yourself a warm hug and tell yourself:

I'm having a hard time, but I'm also a person who is brave enough to take responsibility. I'm trying my best to deal with such difficult things, and I'm going to succeed!

Be kind to yourself, do your best, and take good care of yourself!

Second, it's time for a change! Remove the role of being your mother and look at her actions from a personal perspective.

The way your mother treated you when you were growing up will deeply hurt and anger you as a daughter—and it's time to move on from that!

Such hatred is natural and beyond reproach — and it can be overcome!

But if we hate ourselves and make our own lives difficult, we can try something really exciting! We can look at each other's actions and our relationship with her from a different perspective.

Here's an amazing way to shift your perspective! Try removing her role as a mother and viewing her actions from her birth to the present from a third-person perspective. Imagine it as watching a movie about an ordinary person. She has nothing to do with you, except that the protagonist is experiencing her.

This new perspective might just free you from the hatred!

3. Look for support outside of your mother!

While biological relatives will usually offer more support than non-relatives, it's clear that the mother of the questioner is a loving mother who just needs a little guidance. Her own life experience and personality development will play a big part in her ability to become the mother she wants to be.

We can't force someone to change for us, but we can work hard to find the life we want!

And there's more! If you'd like, you can also find out what local organizations can support single mothers, or what friends around you can support you in other ways.

Your resilience will also be beneficial to your child's development. You are so lucky to have a mother who is responsible for your child and willing to take care of him!

I'm not probing human nature, but a therapist who cares about the heart. I wish you the best!

Hello, question asker!

I'm Xiaobai, and I'm here to tell you that you can't worry! I'm here to help you take away your worries and replace them with excitement for the future!

After reading your experience, I just want to give you a big hug!

Now, let's dive into some of the specific issues raised in the original poster's question!

My mother divorced my father when I was one year old, and I was left with my grandparents. I am now a 30-year-old single mother, and I'm thriving! My mother has not cared about anything for 30 years, and she does not help me with the hard work of raising a child. I hope every day that she will die soon, so I can finally have my dream family!

I'm so excited to share some of my views and suggestions with you! I really hope they'll help you.

First of all, I want to encourage and praise you! You were divorced when you were just over a year old, and you lived with your grandparents. You lacked the love of a mother and father from a young age, and now you are a single mother again. Only you know the feeling, but you're doing great!

I want to say that you are so incredibly brave and strong! I hug you!

? Not every family is happy, and there are many people who, in the presence of their parents, do not receive the care and love of their parents. This is a very hurtful thing, but no matter what, you still have to face reality.

? There are many parents in the world who don't love their children. But you know what? That's okay! Accept your sadness, be kind to yourself, and love yourself well. You are your home, and you deserve to be happy.

Go for it! Live in the moment and enjoy the present. Don't worry about the past or the future. It's all about now!

You will discover so many new things to experience!

Put yourself first! Always remember that.

It's not your fault if your parents don't love you. It's not because you're not good enough. You are worthy of love! You are also qualified to love others and gain happiness.

Love yourself! Be kind to yourself and don't punish yourself for other people's mistakes and hurt.

Embrace the power of selective memory! When you feel overwhelmed, shift your focus to something unrelated. It's like when you're relaxing in yoga and your muscles won't relax — you can first tense them up a little. When we're fully engaged in an activity, even something simple like chopping potatoes, it has a wonderful effect on our mind and body.

❤️ Set your own standards and live your life by them!

It's time to establish your own correct values, form your own new family, and make sure your relationship with your parents doesn't affect the next generation. You say that you hope every day that she will die soon, but this is an extreme way of thinking.

And the best way to do that is to communicate well with your mother and explain things clearly. After all, she is your mother!

? Be there for your parents and show them you care!

It is a wonderful thing when children support their elderly parents. Even though they may not be able to give each other affection, they can still fulfill their obligations by providing daily support.

I'm so excited to share these views and suggestions with you! I really hope they'll be helpful.

Wishing you the very best!

Children left behind or born into divorced families feel they've been treated unfairly and neglected. From an early age, they've faced a fragmented family and lack parental care. Some act out in ways that seem alienated, and they don't have many good memories.

You experienced indifference. You grew up, got married, and had children. You are struggling to raise your children, but your mother is not helping you. Once a daughter has a child, her family will help her raise it.

Your mother didn't help you, which hurt you a lot. You think she's now indifferent and withdrawn. You were once abandoned with your grandparents, and you probably know what was going on with them.

Your mother has not cared about you for years. This is very difficult for anyone to experience. As a single mother, you are facing a huge challenge.

You're in your thirties. Think about whether you can stand on your own. Not everyone has a happy family. Some families help each other, while others are divided. If this happens, you have to adapt and make yourself strong. Take the Original Family Wound Test to learn how to resolve trauma. Good luck!

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