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Not divorced, a ten-year affair, how should I handle the sudden decision to leave recently?

Separation Long-distance relationship Courage Family disagreement Decision to leave
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Not divorced, a ten-year affair, how should I handle the sudden decision to leave recently? By Anonymous | Published on December 18, 2024

I am a 43-year-old woman, not divorced but separated from my husband due to numerous issues, long-distance for over a decade, and our feelings faded long ago. The reason for not getting a divorce is the children and also because I lacked the courage to step out. I met my current boyfriend ten years ago, seven years younger than me, divorced with a daughter, and quite a womanizer. Despite this, we have been relatively stable for these ten years. I helped him during his struggles, but not much in recent years. Feeling that we've been together for so long and have developed feelings for each other, he seems to have never intended to marry me, and his family also disagrees. We've been living together without considering the outcome for the past ten years. Perhaps it's my lack of confidence and bravery that led to not fighting for us. I had a few children with him, but if I had been braver, the outcome would have been different! Now, I've suddenly made up my mind to leave. What should I do?

Leo Leo A total of 277 people have been helped

Hello, my name is Strawberry.

It is important to recognize that a marriage can face challenges when there is a lack of communication and interaction between the couple. The questioner has experienced a number of difficulties in their marriage, which have led to a breakdown in the relationship. Despite not being divorced, there has been a significant shift in the couple's feelings for each other.

It might be the case that you have been separated for more than ten years, and that the reason you have not divorced is probably because of the children. The questioner said that they may also not have the courage to walk out. You and your husband have been separated for more than ten years, and from this point of view, you are not afraid to walk out. You are more trying to give your children hope. When others ask about your parents' relationship, at least your children can say with justification that their parents have not divorced.

Ten years ago, the questioner met her current boyfriend, who is seven years her junior and has a daughter from a previous marriage. Over the past ten years, despite the stability of the relationship, he has not expressed any intention of marrying her. This could be due to a number of factors, including his changeable nature or the disapproval of his family.

It is clear that the questioner has been involved in several altercations with children over the ten years they have been together. It is evident that this has been a challenging aspect of the relationship. It is understandable that the questioner has worked hard and has likely faced difficulties on a regular basis. It is also understandable that the other party's attitude has made the questioner feel like even if they fight, they may end up feeling embarrassed.

It is also possible that he has recently become determined to leave.

1. It seems that he may have lost interest in the relationship.

While your relationship was previously stable, after ten years together, it seems that he is no longer concerned about the lack of divorce. This could indicate that he may not have initially planned to marry you. It's possible that he still has feelings for you, but the mutual attraction between you may have diminished over time.

His determination to leave may be the best indication that he does not love you. Even if you ask him to stay, it may not be a long-term solution.

2. Perhaps it would be helpful to analyze his behavior.

From what you've shared, it seems that your boyfriend may have a somewhat limited sense of responsibility. If he truly cares about you, he would be happy to see you experience the joy of love together. However, after several abortions, it seems that he may not fully consider the impact on your body or your feelings. This could indicate that he is more focused on his own desires, which might make it challenging for him to fully align with your aspirations for happiness. You have already invested a decade in this relationship, and it's understandable that you might feel frustrated.

3. It may be helpful to remember that a short pain is better than a long one.

It is interesting to note the differences in the ways men and women think. It seems that, generally speaking, women are more inclined to give and receive affection over time, while men may become less emotionally invested.

If the topic master's boyfriend is determined to leave, the end result may be separation. It may be difficult to accept for a while, but it might be helpful to remember that a short pain is better than a long one. It might be worth giving yourself time to accept the result.

I hope my answer is helpful to the questioner. Best wishes,

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Penelope Castro Penelope Castro A total of 4879 people have been helped

I hope you will allow me to offer you a little encouragement and support. I suspect there are probably quite a few relationship-between-couples-4585.html" target="_blank">couples in a similar situation to yours.

It can be challenging to find the courage to break through limitations and make changes in our lives.

First of all, it is understandable that you are having a hard time accepting what you have done and the current situation. Many people in your position find themselves questioning their decisions and experiencing a range of emotions.

You may have allowed yourself to move on from the situation, or to become more accepting of it, and to forgive yourself. This can be a positive step from another perspective.

Secondly, you mentioned that you are currently determined to leave. I'm not quite sure if I understand. Is it your partner who wants to leave, or are you the one who wants to leave your current family?

I must admit that I'm a little perplexed. If it's your lover who wants to leave you, to be honest, you were actually prepared for this in your heart.

He is also very changeable, and you have not forced him to marry you. To be frank, it may just be emotional and physical companionship. If he suddenly wants to leave, it is understandable. Perhaps he wants a new start and life.

Third, it would be helpful to consider your own thoughts and feelings on the matter. Even if he doesn't leave, it might be worthwhile to reflect on whether you're comfortable with this situation for the long term.

It is certainly a possibility. I believe that if this is the way things are going to be, as you get older, the problem may well intensify, whether it's in your current family or with your lover. It's just a matter of time, and it's important to address it as soon as possible.

Perhaps it would be beneficial to try to resolve this issue as soon as possible.

As adults, it's important to consider what kind of life you want to lead. Without a clear goal, you might find yourself wasting time and potentially missing out on opportunities. However, if you're content with your current situation, it could be a valid choice.

I kindly ask that you respect yourself.

I hope we can maintain communication. My personal public account is called A Young Person Acting Like a Fake (ID: qingnianJIA2020).

Yixinli We kindly ask that you direct your questions to the following platforms: Answering Questions Hall Mutual Aid Community, World and I Love You >> https://m.xinli001.com/qa

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Comments

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Josephine Jackson Failure is a necessary evil on the road to success.

I can understand how complicated and emotionally draining your situation must be. It's important to think about what you truly want for yourself and take steps towards that, even if it means making difficult decisions.

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Darwin Miller We grow when we learn to turn our wounds into wisdom.

It sounds like you've been in a challenging position for a long time, balancing between two significant relationships. Now that you've decided to leave, it might be helpful to seek legal advice to understand your rights and options regarding both relationships.

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Hassan Davis Forgiveness is a sign of strength and self - respect.

You've shown strength by supporting your boyfriend through tough times, and now it's time to focus on your own wellbeing. Consider reaching out to friends or family who can provide support as you make this transition.

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Merwin Davis Time is a mirror that reflects our priorities.

Reflecting on the past can be painful, but try to channel that energy into planning for a better future. You deserve happiness, and sometimes that means letting go of situations that no longer serve you.

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Andre Davis Time is a chain of moments, each one a link to the next.

Making such a big decision is not easy, and it's okay to feel uncertain. But remember, you're taking control of your life, and that's a powerful step. Think about what you need to feel secure and valued, and pursue that with all your heart.

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