Not knowing how to deal with something and feeling awkward is a terrifying thing?

Hello, question asker. I can see you're feeling confused, and I want you to know I'm here for you.

I believe you may be experiencing some emotional difficulties. Please allow me to give you a warm hug again if you feel comfortable with that.

I can relate to your situation.

Previously, during my personal training session at the gym, I found it challenging to jump over a 24-inch high box.

At that moment, someone happened to be next to his coach, laughing and joking.

I was under the impression that they were laughing at me for being inept.

I later realized that they didn't think that at all.

At that moment, I came to understand what had happened to me.

I believe that I was affected by the "spotlight effect" in psychology.

To put it simply, I had a tendency to confuse my own thoughts with those of others.

I may have been mistaken, but I thought the other person was laughing and talking with his coach because I didn't jump over the 24-inch high vaulting box.

I may have been mistaken, but it seemed as though the other person and his coach were engaged in a conversation about their own matters, rather than the vaulting box I was attempting.

I have come to realize that things are not always as challenging as they initially appear.

Additionally, I have my own set of commands that I use during class.

For instance, I might say, "go up," "jump," and "turn around."

The female coach observed that when I read aloud specific commands, I had to concentrate very hard. I didn't have time to dwell on my performance, which might have led me to feel embarrassed.

I truly hope that the issue you're facing can be resolved as soon as possible.

I hope I've provided you with all the information you need.

I hope my above answer is helpful and inspiring to you. I am the respondent, and I study hard every day.

I would like to extend my warmest regards to everyone at Yixinli. I wish you all the best!

#Hello, I'm Gu Yi. Modest and self-effacing, just like always, and I'm excited to share some insights with you today!

It's time to pay attention to your own feelings!

From your description, I can see that you're ready to take the next step in your journey of self-discovery in interpersonal relationships. Your original intention is simple, but it's easy to get caught up in the details. Especially since we don't always feel much, it's natural to assume how others feel.

The great news is that relationships are really quite simple! Those who care about and love us won't mind, and those who don't have much to do with us won't care much either.

To do this, we can focus mainly on ourselves. Just as when you received a call from the logistics company, we clearly told the caller that this matter did not concern us much and that we would contact someone else later.

I've got a little advice for you!

Insight into yourself and discovering yourself: You are sensitive, and it is this sensitivity that becomes our shackle, preventing us from doing most things well because we are afraid of embarrassment. But you can overcome this!

When we are aware of our sensitivity, it's time to face it head on and find out if those potentially embarrassing moments we feel are really embarrassing.

By facing it directly, experiencing it directly, and solving it directly, we will find a more authentic feeling of ourselves. In this way, we can slowly and surely overcome our inner feelings and established ways of thinking!

My dear,

You need to tell yourself, from the bottom of your heart, that you are already good enough, just as you are.

Have you heard the story of the bow? There was a girl who never used to look up. Then she got a really pretty bow and wanted everyone to see it, so she got ready to go out.

As she walked along, she held her head high, because the bow made her believe that she had to look up in order to attract attention to the pretty bow. Things went very well, as she had expected, and many people praised her. But then someone said, "You should always look like this..." And suddenly she felt that it was not the bow that made people pay attention to her.

When she gets home, she realizes that the bow has never left the house.

The hostess is feeling a bit embarrassed right now, just like the girl who doesn't know how great she is. It's okay! What you perceive as a fact might not be happening, or it might not be consistent with the fact as you define it.

Oh, don't be so hard on yourself! Being unfamiliar is awkward, sitting together without talking is awkward, and there being no sound during a phone call is awkward.

This feeling of awkwardness is totally normal! We've all been there.

It's totally normal to be sensitive and care about what others think. But being overly sensitive can sometimes tie us down and prolong the adjustment process. For example, if a room is marked off in advance, the player who enters later might initially feel out of place because they're not sure how to behave.

But don't worry! This feeling of being out of place is only a matter of timing. Once they understand the rules and get used to the routine, they'll soon feel right at home.

If you're the type who takes their time warming up, then just do you! Play to your strengths and avoid your weaknesses. For example, when it comes to logistics, just explain the situation clearly and do your best. As for everything else, you can really live by the saying, "As long as you're not embarrassed, everyone else is."

Dear questioner,

Embracing embarrassment is the best way to go! It's just a small thing in everyday life because everyone can make mistakes. Otherwise, why is there a saying that "as long as I'm not embarrassed, the one who is embarrassed is someone else"?

For example, when you said your sister called the logistics company, in fact, for the logistics company, they encounter this kind of situation all the time! They encounter more embarrassing situations than you do, so when they answer the phone, they may feel a little embarrassed, but they will probably forget about it after a while because they have encountered more embarrassing situations than this, so it is not surprising.

And you know what? You haven't encountered many embarrassing situations, so you feel that even these little things are very embarrassing. I think you need to try to desensitize yourself. So, how can you not easily feel embarrassed?

In fact, many of the situations you find embarrassing are not really that embarrassing or awkward in everyday life. Sometimes, you think you've messed up, but in reality, it's just a normal thing to others.

So don't put too much psychological pressure on yourself! Including awkward conversations between you and others, they are actually very common, so just get used to it.

And guess what? Even if you do make a mistake or embarrass yourself, it's totally okay! It's normal. No one will form a bad impression of you because we've all been embarrassed before and we can all understand each other.

Just relax and do whatever feels most comfortable to you! Speak if you want to, don't speak if you don't. It's okay!

Hello, I'm Gu Daoxi Fengshou, and I'm thrilled to be here with you today!

We feel a little awkward when the atmosphere suddenly becomes quiet for a moment. It could be the class teacher suddenly appearing in a noisy classroom, our communication with a friend suddenly interrupted by a stranger, or even a warm greeting from an unfamiliar person.

There are two main factors at play when it comes to embarrassment. The first is the objective factor, which is the sudden and complete silence. The second is the subjective factor, which is that I feel embarrassed, so I feel even more embarrassed. It's not just that I feel embarrassed; I also feel that other people are more embarrassed. This is a kind of psychological suggestion, which is fascinating to explore!

It's the same with embarrassment! It's your mind playing tricks on you. If you think about it, you wouldn't be nervous if you were alone in front of a group of sheep or in a forest.

The good news is that embarrassment can be alleviated! There's a saying that if you're not embarrassed, it's someone else who is.

Our child once met a little girl older than her at the playground. She was so excited to play with her, but the other girl ignored her. So our child kept chasing after her, saying, "I want to play with you!" I was standing nearby, feeling a little embarrassed, but my child was so confident and took it all in her stride. At that moment, I had a deep understanding of the saying, "I'm not embarrassed, it's other people who are embarrassed."

So, let's dive in and discover how you can defuse and alleviate embarrassment!

1. Practice deliberately, repeatedly, and you'll be amazed at how quickly you'll be able to respond with conditioned reflexes to the problems you encounter in daily life. Practice in front of yourself in the mirror so you can see how it's done. Then, find a partner to practice the conversation with.

2. Practice your conversation with a partner!

3. Banish those negative thoughts! Tell yourself you're not embarrassed. And if you do feel embarrassed, tell the other person in a joking manner. First, saying it out loud can help relieve the embarrassment. Second, the joke can help adjust the embarrassing atmosphere.

4. You can enrich your own knowledge, and chatting with the other person will be so much fun that you'll never run out of things to talk about!

5. If you're not sure how to start a conversation, try using words like "So what?" and "Why?" to get the other person talking. Just make sure you're listening, too!

I'm so excited to share my thoughts with the original poster! I really hope they'll be helpful.

Dear Question Asker, It is akin to meeting someone in person when you read their words.

After carefully reading your description of the challenging emotions you experienced when faced with the situation, I can understand the kind of awkward state you describe. In fact, this is a kind of situation where interpersonal relationships have not yet been established properly. It is normal to feel awkward when relationships have not yet been established properly. This awkwardness can be said to be a boundary that you yourself have established between yourself and the other person in an unfamiliar relationship. It is a kind of protection for both you and the other person.

Let us examine the situations you outlined in your description.

In the opening paragraph of your description, you indicate that you occasionally find it challenging to interact with unfamiliar individuals. I tend to feel uneasy in such situations and often avoid engaging in conversation. Similarly, I also feel self-conscious when others approach me. I recognize that my behavior may be perceived as conspicuous, and I'm uncertain about the best way to handle it. Whether I remain silent or engage in conversation, I still feel uneasy. After reading this far, I'd like to share a personal observation. I believe you possess admirable qualities, as I can clearly see how you navigate social interactions. You've identified two key points:

a. You clearly experienced the emotion of embarrassment during the communication process, and you provided a detailed account of the circumstances that would elicit this feeling.

b. You also stated that you felt "very embarrassed, whether you were silent or not."

This is a state you have perceived through your own awareness. You have come to accept the situation.

You also mentioned a specific incident in which your sister used your phone number to call the logistics company to inquire about the situation. Since your sister had already left, you answered the call from the customer service representative who had followed up on the situation. As you were unaware of the specific details, the logistics company was unable to assist you. Throughout the entire process, you were only aware that your sister had called the logistics company.

This line of thinking is quite clear. At what point in the process did you feel embarrassed? It seems that the source of your discomfort may be rooted in a lack of understanding regarding the specific matter your sister consulted with the customer service about. After your sister left, you were unable to promptly ascertain the necessary details from her. As the recipient of the item, your sister was ultimately responsible for confirming the delivery details. Therefore, this responsibility does not fall upon you.

However, in my account of the incident, I did not see your perspective on the matter. When the courier inquired about the signature on delivery, you stated that you did not make the phone call. However, you did not mention that the recipient was your sister or provide her contact details. You could have informed the courier of these details, which would have clarified the situation and ensured your sister received her delivery promptly and accurately.

At the outset of this response, I noted that embarrassment can assist us in establishing boundaries in unfamiliar relationships, which is a protective measure. However, from another perspective, it may also be caused by a lack of inner strength. Because of this lack of inner strength, most people will choose the mode of "withdrawal" in unfamiliar relationships to protect themselves, which is a natural response.

It would be more beneficial to consider how to authentically express yourself in this situation, despite the potential for embarrassment.

There is no inherent contradiction between embarrassment and the decision to express or conceal it. In some cases, refraining from expression despite feelings of embarrassment can be viewed as a form of expression in itself.

It is not always the case that the opinions of others are the most important factor; what is more important is one's own self-perception.

Everyone has areas for improvement, but that does not preclude personal growth.

Or, consider the broader picture: Is it truly necessary for everything to be perfect?

I would like to take this opportunity to reassure you that you have the power to choose how to respond to embarrassment. You can decide to live with it peacefully, or you can release it here and now and use it as a catalyst for personal growth.

You have already taken a significant step towards personal growth.

It is my hope that the above response will provide some inspiration to help relieve your confusion.

Please take care of yourself.

Hello! The truth is, other people's opinions don't matter. What matters is your own. There's a saying: as long as you're not embarrassed, the one who's embarrassed is the other person!

But now you're also feeling uncomfortable and embarrassed. How can you improve this? There's a simple way to do it: shift your focus from whether you or others are embarrassed to whether you can help others.

Let's look at an example. Imagine you're the one answering the phone when it should have been your sister. What if you changed a few of your automatic behaviors and thoughts?

Automated behavior 1: This has nothing to do with me. It's none of my business, and I don't want to get into trouble.

The belief behind the automatic behavior is that you can't do it.

Your automatic behavior is actually a result of low confidence. You don't believe you can handle the situation, and your lack of confidence might even make it more chaotic. If you distance yourself from the matter, deny your abilities, and just listen to the other person, you can help. For example, if you can't explain it to the logistics staff, you can call your sister and let her communicate with them. Or, you can give the logistics staff your sister's phone number and let them contact her directly. This is also a way to solve the problem.

Later on, when you feel more confident, you can try acting as an intermediary and working on your ability to relay information.

Automated behavior 2: When you hit a snag, you'll be the first to jump in and explain the situation, rather than suggesting a solution.

The belief behind the automatic behavior is that it's not their fault.

If I'm not mistaken, you're someone who is particularly afraid of making mistakes and being criticized or pointed out, so your first reaction is to explain. I'm here to support you!

This fear and worry may have started when you were young. I guess when you were young, you were a sensitive child who could especially detect changes in the emotions and thoughts of others from their verbal and non-verbal messages. Therefore, you can sensitively perceive the embarrassment of others, and you will feel guilty, self-blame, and embarrassed because you have caused others embarrassment. You are actually a soft and kind person at heart, which is why you can sensitively perceive changes in your emotions and those of others. You worry that you will be criticized and blamed by others for the slightest dissatisfaction, so you will become more and more cautious and dare less and less to take the initiative to promote problem solving. You are afraid of making mistakes and being blamed.

I think what you're saying is that when you were younger, you didn't have a family or school environment that was particularly forgiving. Now that you're grown up and relatively independent, you can provide yourself with a relatively independent little space. In this space, we need to learn to be tolerant and accept ourselves, even if we make mistakes, even if our performance isn't outstanding, and we're not as intelligent or emotionally intelligent as we'd like to be. But this is you, an ordinary but unique you. You need to give yourself some room to make mistakes, as long as it's not something illegal or immoral that endangers life and health. When you make a mistake or perform unsatisfactorily, stay with your own awkward emotions for a while, and stay with the nervousness in your body. Then reassure the child inside you: It's okay, it's okay, I still have a chance to improve, I can perform better next time. If it's not good enough next time, then I won't give up, I'll make progress little by little.

Come on! Focus on solving problems. Even if you don't get it right first time, give yourself a pat on the back and allow yourself the time and space to improve. Your self-confidence will gradually improve, your sensitivity to others will be reduced to an appropriate level, and when you find that you are solving more and more problems, your ability and confidence will find you. Others' respect and gratitude will also find you. You will feel more and more relaxed and happy, forming a virtuous cycle of positive emotional experience.

Best of luck! There's still a long way to go in life, and there's still plenty of room for growth. One day you'll become the person you want to be.

Hello, question asker!

From what you said, I can tell you're feeling embarrassed and helpless, and you want to change this way of thinking. At the same time, you're very good at understanding yourself and recognizing this uncomfortable feeling. You're also brave enough to face it head-on and actively look for solutions. This is where change begins.

You said you don't know how to handle things and always feel awkward around strangers. You gave the example of answering your sister's phone because you didn't understand the situation. When the other person asked you, you felt like you didn't explain it clearly and you felt embarrassed. You even wondered if other people thought of you this way. This made you feel very confused. Is that right?

This feeling is pretty common, and I think most people have experienced it to some extent. It might have something to do with our personality and our educational background. It could also be that we lack confidence and are not very outgoing.

When you notice these things that make you uncomfortable, you can address them in a timely manner. This provides an excellent opportunity for growth and change. All challenges can be viewed as potential resources, and many things can be changed.

I don't know the specifics of your situation, but based on what you've shared, I'd like to offer a few suggestions that I hope will be helpful.

First, get some help from a professional counselor.

When you're confused and come here to talk and find answers, I feel that you're very wise, and you also have certain expectations or desires to change this state. Then I suggest that you seek help from a professional psychological counselor. They'll use professional techniques to delve into the root causes of our subconscious, adjust our perceptions, give us a sense of security, and put us in an environment where we can become empowered and continue to grow.

You can also choose to learn about psychology and strengthen your inner self by learning to adjust yourself.

I've been there. I used to be afraid to walk alone, even when there were lots of people around. My heart would race, and I'd stutter. It was only through studying psychology that I slowly grew and became more comfortable with myself. I'm not as confident as I'd like to be, but I've become calmer inside, and I dare to face challenges. I still get nervous, but I try more often.

Second, use positive self-talk.

In life, we get nervous because we're afraid, and we don't do as well as we'd like because we're nervous. Often, it has something to do with our thoughts and ideas. If we want to change, what we need to do is use positive mental suggestions to adjust our mentality. Every morning and evening, we should do some positive meditation exercises and give ourselves encouraging words to make us feel a little more powerful and dare to try.

Believe in yourself and keep trying.

From what you said, I get the impression that you care about other people's feelings. When you're embarrassed, you worry that other people are embarrassed too, which makes you even more nervous. At this point, it's important to believe in yourself. There's a saying that goes, "There's no one else out there, just ourselves." We often think that way. So it's crucial to believe that you'll keep getting better and better. Then, keep trying and keep breaking through, so you can break free from this kind of bondage and enjoy a relaxed and carefree life. Do you agree with what I've said?

Then, find a hobby to give you a confidence boost.

From what you said, it seems like we could all use a boost of confidence. When we encounter challenges, it's natural to feel a bit overwhelmed. But if we want to change, we need to focus on our strengths. We can start with the things we're good at, like the things we're interested in. When we do the things we like, we become immersed in them, and over time, we'll see progress. This will boost our confidence and make us stronger!

Finally, I want to tell you that there's no need to compare ourselves with others. As long as we make a little progress every day, and over a long period of time, we'll become better and better. If you ever feel uncomfortable again, you can come to this platform and talk to us. You can also participate in more psychology workshops, psychology book clubs, and read more psychology books, which might help.