On the day before the wedding, there was an unpleasant incident between the bride's family and my husband.

Hello, question asker.

What kind of wedding was it?

Something unpleasant happened during our wedding, didn't it?

Firecrackers, bride price, red envelopes, customs, etc.

We believe your in-laws have slighted your partner. Did you feel embarrassed when your partner received the red envelope with only five dollars in it? We are certain you were thinking from your partner's perspective at the time, feeling that your partner had put in so much effort for the wedding and that in the end, your in-laws had only given five dollars.

It's likely due to customs or personal reasons. While money isn't the main issue, the intention behind it is more important.

I am confident that we will communicate more in the future. Many unpleasant situations arise because we don't communicate well and misunderstand each other.

We should definitely explain the reason to our partner. My husband went to great lengths to ensure the wedding went smoothly, even though he received the five-yuan red envelope. This shows he is patient and considerate. We should give my husband a big compliment. Everyone's original intention is the same: they all hope the wedding can be completed better and that they can be happy.

The 100,000 yuan bride price caused a conflict. Your parents want the money credited to their account. They think the money is a reward for raising you or that it can help your younger brother. Customs vary from place to place, so we need to understand your parents' perspective. There's a reason for giving the money to whoever it is.

We are feeling a little overwhelmed. We need to know whether our parents value this or not. We also need to understand if they are comparing us to our younger siblings. How did you feel at the time?

Here's a hug for you. You've worked hard. In marriage, conflicts will inevitably arise between your partner and their parents, and between your parents-in-law. Being a daughter-in-law or a daughter is not easy.

These relationships have ups and downs. You have to learn to love yourself, whether you're the parent or the lover.

Loving yourself is the beginning of a lifelong romance.

If you're unhappy, give yourself a little space, accept it, and love yourself for half an hour every day.

I'm long overdue. One Psychology World and I Love You.

Hello, I get where you're coming from!

First, let's talk about the bride price. If the bride price is paid into your account, you need to let your parents know. It doesn't matter who ultimately gets the money, your parents need to know that it was given. In some places, the bride price is considered very important and is seen as a matter of face. Until the bride price is confirmed to have been received, everyone will probably feel embarrassed when they ask about it.

If it's not discussed in time, it's your problem, not your husband's.

From the husband's perspective, he's already handed over the bride price to your family, so he's done his part. At most, it's a minor issue. If your parents are unhappy about this, it's understandable for them to say something, but it's a bit much for other people to add fuel to the fire, especially when they call and swear at people, which shows their poor quality!

Secondly, I'm not sure about the local rules regarding the bride price and marriage. From what you've said, it seems like there's a preference for sons over daughters. From your feedback that you have a younger brother, this might be why your relatives advised you to give the money to your parents.

Some regions where patriarchal values are strong have some pretty bad customs. One of these is making things difficult for in-laws and picking on their faults. This approach doesn't help the marriages of their children.

The firecrackers conflict you mentioned is a good example of this. Since it was originally the woman's responsibility to set off the firecrackers, it's clear that she needs to take responsibility. It's not about who pays for it, but about how important it is. If the custom is for the man to prepare it, as the woman, you also need to fulfill your responsibility to remind him!

This is unreasonable behavior on the part of the family.

Finally, there's the red envelope dilemma. We need to discuss whether to give a red envelope and how much to give in advance.

If there's no discussion, it'll be tricky. And in terms of spending money, the in-laws are being a bit double-standard and are suspected of being greedy for small advantages.

Your husband is doing well, so after you get married, try to be more understanding of him and focus more on your family. As for your family of origin, except for your parents and younger brother, you might want to have less contact with them.

Hi, I'm Strawberry.

I saw how sad you were, so I gave you a hug. People say that getting married is a big deal, but your parents and relatives made things difficult on your wedding day. Not only did they make you feel awkward, but they also made your husband feel embarrassed.

It seems like a normal thing for the bride price to be paid to the questioner's card, but because of different customs in different places and because the questioner's parents had different ideas, this approach of the questioner's husband began to upset them. Maybe they thought the bride price should be paid to them, and then they would decide how much dowry to give the questioner. Since the bride price doesn't represent the dowry, the questioner's husband paid the bride price to your card, and they thought you should have discussed privately how to take all the bride price to your husband's side.

The questioner's relatives also encouraged her parents to believe that the questioner's husband was wrong and not respecting them. The parents' subsequent actions may have upset the questioner, but they were wrong. They were holding a grudge and should have sat down with the questioner after the wedding to talk things through.

On the day before the wedding, there was a bit of a hiccup between her husband's family and hers.

The lack of communication was a big issue.

It's been said that communication is the bridge of every relationship. From the text, it seems like some of the discontent that arose during the questioner's wedding was due to a lack of communication. For example, there was confusion about where to send the bride price. The questioner's husband should normally tell the adults and ask which card to send it to. Even if it's transferred to the questioner and then to the family, it's still quite a troublesome approach.

After the questioner's husband asked, your parents said that it would be paid to your card, so doing so again would not give people the wrong impression. From the questioner's interactions with other respondents, I know that the questioner also has a younger brother. Everyone says that a daughter cannot be kept when she grows up, and when she gets married, she becomes part of someone else's family. The questioner's parents have a similar mindset, so they pay more attention to who the bride price is paid to and who has more right to arrange the bride price.

They didn't maintain a good sense of boundaries.

From what the questioner has told us, it seems that the questioner's parents and other relatives have been involved in some of the decisions. To be honest, this is not the kind of behaviour we would expect from elders. They have also failed to maintain a good sense of boundaries. It is the questioner and their partner who are getting married. How you do it is really up to you. To put it nicely, they are your parents' family members, but to you, they are just relatives, and they should not interfere in your family's affairs.

Does the questioner have relatives who don't know how to set boundaries and parents who don't have their own opinions? When they encounter things that go against their wishes, things that can be resolved by communicating with you, they just follow their own family and let things get to this state. Your uncle even called your husband and they yelled at each other. To put it simply, they just love to watch a fight and don't care how big it gets. They also never considered the feelings of the questioner.

I can't even imagine how tough it must have been for the questioner to grow up in that kind of environment. So, I want to congratulate the questioner on getting married and then work hard to manage your own marriage so that your relatives won't have another chance to manage your affairs.

It's time to take a step back and work on your relationship with your husband.

Something so unpleasant happened on the wedding day, and I believe the husband of the questioner is also upset. The questioner is also in a difficult situation, with her own family on the one hand and her husband on the other. This incident has also affected the questioner's mood!

It's already happened, and dwelling on it will only make you feel depressed. So the main focus should be on you and your husband. First, you need to let go of your emotions so that you are no longer troubled by this matter. Only when you have dealt with your emotions well can you look at this matter from a different perspective and let it be resolved.

You also need to communicate with your husband more. Admit that your parents and relatives were wrong, and let each of you find ways to improve the relationship between the two sides. They are separate from you, and don't let their behavior affect your relationship with your husband. Only when your relationship is good can you face this matter together and solve it together.

I hope my answer is helpful to the questioner. Best wishes!

First of all, I would like to extend my heartfelt congratulations to the questioner on the completion of a significant milestone in a woman's life. I wish you both a future filled with joy and prosperity.

Given the many beautiful expectations of marriage, it is understandable that the questioner might have felt somewhat aggrieved when she encountered a conflict between her parents and her husband on this day.

On the one hand, there are your biological parents, and on the other, there is the person you have chosen to spend your life with. However, I can also perceive the values of the questioner, and in these conflicts, you are on the side of your husband.

However, since the other party is her parents, she chose to prioritize appeasing her husband. In my opinion, her husband made a good choice. Despite his initial objections, he ultimately gave his approval, and the wedding proceeded smoothly.

I would like to suggest that we consider how the original poster might handle similar situations in the future. I believe this is just the beginning, and there will undoubtedly be other unexpected things in your life in the future. What would you suggest we do?

It might be helpful to consider leaving your own family of origin and working together with your husband to run your own little family.

Regarding your parents and family's views on the bride price, firecrackers, and red envelopes, it might be helpful to consider that these traditions reflect different values.

It is possible that parents may feel that the bride price needs to be visible to relatives in order to save face, and that your marriage will be a grand one, and that you will be considered to have married the right person in everyone's eyes.

Ultimately, the decision of whether you have married the right person is not determined by these things, but rather by how your husband treats you in difficult times in the future. Just like Sheng Minglan in "The Story of Minglan," it may be helpful to consider a range of qualities when choosing a husband.

One can discern a person's character by observing how they treat others in challenging circumstances.

In light of this experience, it would be prudent to anticipate the possibility that in the future, you may need to do a good job of appeasing and working with your husband's family.

It would be beneficial to express your feelings about your parents when the time is right, while also praising your husband so that your parents are aware that you have made the right choice.

Going forward, it would be beneficial to discuss all the details in advance, with respect being of the utmost importance.

Secondly, it would be beneficial to demonstrate to your husband that you and he are the closest people to each other and allow him to understand the sacrifices you have made for him.

A married woman's status is influenced by three key factors: her husband's attitude towards her, the importance her family of origin attaches to her, and her children. The OP doesn't have any yet, so let's focus on the first two things and lay a good foundation.

It would be beneficial for you to maintain a good relationship with your husband, as his continued understanding and tolerance of you is likely to be the key to your status after marriage. Although it is true that both parties leave their original families behind when they get married, men generally have lingering ties with their original families.

It is possible that if your husband were to tell his mother about your marriage, she might not be as supportive and understanding as your husband. There is a chance that she might hold a grudge and settle scores with you at some point in the future.

It would be advisable to maintain a good relationship with your husband to avoid any potential issues.

It is also worth noting that your mother-in-law may take your family background and your family into account when deciding how to get along with you.

It would be greatly appreciated if your mother's family could maintain their love, care, and support for you, while also trying their best to be respectful.

It is also important to consider that children are not just about gender. The education of your children will play a role in determining your status and future prospects. This is just a brief note to share some thoughts on this topic.

Thirdly, even a positive relationship needs to be nurtured once it enters into marriage.

It would be beneficial to focus on maintaining open communication and fostering continued love and affection between you both.

From what I can see, the questioner has some sensitive feelings, and your decision seems appropriate. You have done a commendable job, and I believe you will continue to do well. I am optimistic that everything will be fine.

I'm sure we can all agree that this will be a positive outcome for everyone involved.

After reading your account, I feel for you. Marriage is supposed to be a happy time, but because you and your husband live far apart and there are communication and cultural differences, there were some difficult moments on the day before and the day of your wedding.

All these unpleasant experiences made your husband feel like he'd lost face, and he needed you to persuade him. Fortunately, you met a husband who understands you.

I'm happy for you and your partner. And I'm pleased you've started your own family and completed this important event in your life.

There are some differences in customs from place to place when it comes to the bride price. Here, it's generally understood that the bride price is the start-up capital for the newlyweds' new life together.

Typically, the bride price is given to the bride herself. After the wedding, the newlywed takes the money with her to her new home with her husband to start their married life. The bride's family will not keep the bride price from the groom's family.

There's no mention of a bride price to be handed over to the parents of the groom for safekeeping. You've already told your parents that the groom has transferred the bride price to your card, but your parents still asked your uncle to call the groom and say that they don't respect your parents. They ended up cursing at each other on the phone.

I think you're facing some tough challenges right now. You're getting ready to move to the south and start a new life with your in-laws.

If this happens the night before the wedding, you may have to explain yourself to your in-laws. It may feel like they're backing you up with this gesture, but it seems to have caused you difficulties.

On the wedding day, your family gave the man just 5 yuan in red envelopes. From what you said, it seems like that's not a lot even in your local area. There are different ways to ask the man for a red envelope.

I'm not quite sure I understand your local wedding customs. From the fact that your husband's face is dark, it seems like these practices aren't necessary, at least in your husband's opinion.

It's also tough for you to keep your husband happy and meet all the expectations from your side of the family.

In traditional Chinese thinking, marriage is about uniting the two sexes. Either way, you and your husband are already married.

The next step is to run your own little family well. It's often the case that the relationship between in-laws is a matter of balance.

When it comes to marriage, what many people fight for isn't always money. It can also be about face. Take your parents, for example. They feel that if the bride price isn't paid to their parents' card, it's as if the man isn't respecting them. This is just a difference in perception.

I really get where you're coming from. It's tough on your husband's family to come all the way from 400 kilometers away. And then there were the firecrackers, the highway, and the fact that they couldn't be bought in your village at the time.

It's not uncommon for things like this to happen in any family.

Anyway, your wedding went well. From now on, try to avoid your family as much as possible.

Time and distance will help to solve some of the problems.

In the future, you should focus on taking care of your family and making your life better. Once you have a good life, you'll have more energy and time to focus on other things.

I wish you the best and hope you have a happy life.

Good day, My name is Liu Tangxin.

Firstly, I would like to extend my congratulations on the completion of a significant life event, namely your marriage to your chosen partner.

Although you did not ask, I can discern your intention. Initially, you wish to ascertain the relative culpability of your parents, yourself, and your husband. Who is in the right and who is in the wrong, and who is more wrong?

On the eve of the wedding and during the ceremony, there are numerous instances that may cause your husband embarrassment or frustration. You are unsure of the appropriate response. How should you proceed?

How should one proceed in reconciling these two perspectives?

On the one hand, you have your parents, who provided you with life, and on the other, you have the person you want to spend the rest of your life with. Caught in the middle, you are at a loss for words and unsure of how to proceed. It is a challenging situation.

My friend, life presents numerous challenges and difficulties in navigating interpersonal relationships. I do not intend to determine who is right or wrong, but I hope to provide a few suggestions that may prove helpful.

Firstly, you are now acting as an intermediary between your husband and your original family. Your husband is also the intermediary between you and your in-laws. If you are from different locations, even if you are from different villages, there may be slight differences in the customs and procedures. The wedding has already taken place, so there is no need to dwell on it and regret it. Instead, focus on understanding your parents' expectations. As the intermediary, it is your responsibility to ensure that everyone involved feels comfortable and that their views and demands are accepted. Additionally, you should clarify with your parents how they should express themselves.

Naturally, you are still relatively inexperienced in the nuances of marriage, and this is understandable given your recent nuptials. Your primary objective is to complete the ceremony in an exemplary manner. It is important to recognise that nobody is perfect, and nobody can consider every eventuality. However, this experience should prompt you to think more deeply and seek further guidance to ensure a harmonious outcome between your elders and your partner, and between you.

Secondly, it is possible that you may have already appeased your husband at the earliest opportunity, but perhaps you were unable to criticise your family too harshly in front of your husband. However, it must be acknowledged that these intermediate links were not foreseen by the two of you. There is then some homework that perhaps neither of you has completed correctly. You did not anticipate that you should carefully consider whether other people in your village also had these processes when they got married? Furthermore, it is important to note that your parents may pay slightly more attention to money, but you should also consider how much your parents earn. In your village, it is considered reasonable to give red envelopes to guests and the maid of honor. Have there been any aspects that you have not considered or instructed about? In addition, for many of the following points, if your husband needs to communicate with your parents about gifts during the New Year and other holidays, it is essential to gain a deeper understanding of your parents' expectations and some local customs. At the very least, you should aim to make your parents feel satisfied. It is also advisable to limit the involvement of your family in these matters and avoid involving relatives in disputes, especially if they are conducted via telephone.

It is inevitable that there will be some misunderstandings or instances of aggressive language. It is essential to understand the circumstances and content of the conversation and to consider ways to avoid such occurrences. Were you present with your husband at the time, or with your parents? Could the

It can be resolved directly between the two parties involved.

Thirdly, as a bride, you are effectively representing another family as their daughter-in-law. How do you navigate this role?

It is also important to learn how to make your husband willing to listen to you, willing to accommodate you and your family, and prepared in advance. This is a long-term objective that requires ongoing effort.

Furthermore, I must acknowledge that while some of the aforementioned points require reflection and consideration, it is possible that you believe you have not acted incorrectly, and therefore do not deserve to bear the brunt of the situation.

It is important to remember that both sides are people you love and that they both need to be able to get along in peace and friendship. As the hostess of a new family, you have the responsibility of managing the relationship between your own family and the extended family. This is similar to the need for your husband to stand up for you, consider you, and look out for you in front of your mother-in-law.

It is not feasible to undertake all tasks without prior consideration. As an adult with responsibilities, including a family and a career, you will soon become a mother.

If you plan ahead and provide advance notice to your partner and family, many conflicts can be avoided or resolved more effectively.

I hope you can have a productive discussion with your husband to address any concerns. It is an important event for the family, and your parents are also interested in seeing your husband's commitment. The financial aspect is not a significant issue. There might be some misunderstandings due to differences in perception between you and your parents. You can clarify with your husband that he has misunderstood and reassure him that there is no cause for concern.

It is possible to overcome any obstacle in life. Many issues can be avoided through effective communication and advance discussion. This may include greeting the other person, asking more questions, and considering their needs.

This approach allows you to circumvent situations that may cause discomfort.

By fostering a trusting relationship with your husband, you can positively influence your parents' attitude towards him.

Once communication has been established, it is important to enjoy your new married life without holding on to any unresolved issues.

My name is Liu Tangxin, and it is my hope that I can provide you with a small measure of joy.