Parents are emotionally unstable, and when they are together, their emotions are always out of control.

Dear Questioner, I encourage you to focus on being happy in the present and to be grateful for the encounter.

From what you've shared, I can see why you might find yourself reacting emotionally. I'm sending you a hug!

It might be helpful to consider that staying with your parents is not necessarily the solution, given that you cannot change this environment. What you can do is focus on changing yourself.

If you find yourself losing your temper because you are affected by your parents' emotions, it may be helpful to accept and allow yourself to do so. I know that before you exploded, you tried very hard to control yourself. It's just that this environment kept stimulating and affecting you, which may have contributed to your emotions escalating until you exploded.

If you have already had a similar experience, it might be helpful to accept yourself and then, once you have calmed down, think about how you could handle the situation differently next time. For example, you might consider leaving the scene, or replacing the eruption with writing, or finding a platform to talk to a listener about your emotions, or distracting yourself by hiding in your room and watching a movie or listening to some music, etc.

Secondly, it would be beneficial to view issues between parents as their own concern and learn to maintain a sense of detachment from their emotions. It may be helpful to avoid taking on their emotions, allow them to take responsibility for themselves, and refrain from getting involved in their conflicts.

It would be beneficial for them to learn this lesson between themselves. You can choose to distance yourself from the father's violent temper and slow pace, or from the mother's nagging and accusations. By doing so, you may find it easier to remain calm and avoid being carried away by their emotions.

It would be beneficial to try to understand the underlying reasons behind your emotions. This could help you to reconcile with your emotions and separate from your parents' emotions. Regardless of what the pattern of their relationship is like for the rest of their lives, it is their business, and they will handle and resolve it themselves. As children, we have our own roles to play.

We should avoid getting involved in their struggles and refrain from making decisions for them as their parents. Each of us has our own share of life lessons to learn, and we are responsible for doing ours well.

I hope my answer is helpful to you. I wish you the best!

Hello, question asker!

Thank you for sharing so openly and for placing your trust in this platform!

It is crucial to understand that these observations are highly representative and relevant to each of us when it comes to the family of origin and emotional control. I am confident that my observations will be of some inspiration to you!

Your parents were emotionally unstable. Your father was short-tempered and prone to rage over trivial matters, while your mother loved to complain and blame others. This led to constant arguing and a terrible family atmosphere.

And you? You went from being a witness and an experiencer to an assimilator, and you grew into the very image you once hated.

This is the influence of our family of origin on us, which seems to be an inescapable fate. It isn't. Change will definitely happen, starting from the moment you become aware of it.

You've taken the first step, and the future is bound to be promising. Keep up the good work!

Your problem is that your parents are emotionally unstable, and you always lose control of your emotions when you are with them. You also said that you are more stable when you are outside because your colleagues and friends are more calm.

Here's something to think about: Are your emotional reactions determined by the actions of others? In psychology, the core theory of rational emotive therapy emphasizes that emotions or bad behaviors are not caused by external triggering events themselves, but by the individual's evaluation and interpretation of these events.

In short, you are responsible for your own emotions and actions, and no one or nothing else is to blame. So, back to your question, here's what you need to do.

You must minimize the time you spend with your parents except for necessary visits because you are currently unable to refrain from being influenced by their emotions.

Change your perception and clarify the boundaries with your parents.

Understand that your own beliefs are unreasonable and that your own loss of control is your own behavior, not the result of your parents' actions. Our emotions and behaviors are not controlled by the outside world, but by ourselves.

Cultivate yourself.

1. You must do relaxation exercises every day and practice meditation to strengthen your connection with your body.

2. Learn to manage your emotions. Use books or videos to help you.

3. Don't be too hard on yourself after losing control of your emotions. Take stock of the situation and be aware of your true inner needs at that moment.

? Stabilize yourself. Influence your parents.

Once you have made significant progress in managing your emotions, you should spend more time with your parents. By establishing stability in yourself, you can influence your parents and bring about a change in the family atmosphere. There is no need to rush; you have the time you need to set small goals and achieve them gradually. Celebrate your progress along the way.

You've got this!

Dear Sir/Madam, From your description, I can discern your feelings of anxiety and helplessness. In such a family of origin, conflicts between parents and their unstable personal states can indeed lead to insecure attachment patterns in us as children, resulting in conflict-avoidant or indifferent types. How can we adjust? Best regards, [Name]

As a psychotherapist, I will provide insight from a psychological perspective.

A person's character traits are closely linked to their original family and their object relations with their parents. As you have grown up, you have made a number of internal adjustments, and you have formed a negative opinion of their character traits and the family atmosphere. However, you are unable to change this situation, and you are still affected by it. At this time, it is important for you to become self-aware. In order to do this, you should ask yourself the following questions: 1. What kind of character traits do I have?

Your description indicates a tendency to flee, avoid, and repress in a chaotic relationship, followed by an explosion after prolonged repression.

It is important to address these issues and learn to express emotions in a constructive manner. Due to their own personality traits, parents may be accustomed to expressing emotions in words and actions, such as anger, complaining, arguing, and nagging. If these patterns make you uncomfortable, it is essential to initiate a change. If you do not agree with their approach, it is necessary to adjust and express emotions and needs in a clear and concise manner. Their response, whether agreement or denial, is indicative of their tendency to separate from you. Once you have expressed your emotions in words, your state of mind is calm, and regardless of how your parents respond, it is their prerogative. This approach will gradually lead to a reduction in arguments and conflicts. It requires time and persistence.

2. In a relationship, individuals are unable to perceive themselves accurately. They tend to perceive the other person as not doing what they want, which can lead to arguments and conflict. To improve this situation, it is necessary to change one's perspective, adjust one's state, and adapt to the environment. This process also involves developing new abilities.

You indicate that at school, your classmates are calm, and you are stable. However, at home, with unstable parents, you are also unstable, and the environment is chaotic. Wouldn't it be beneficial to have a constant anchor that could maintain a stable state of mind in all environments?

There are three main ways to deal with this issue: through learning (gaining psychological knowledge, seeing yourself as you are, improving self-awareness and self-esteem), through seeking help (psychoanalytical therapy with a psychotherapist, becoming aware of and reflecting on the formation of your character traits, and what the conflicts behind them come from), and through engaging in activities you enjoy, such as listening to music, painting, reading, exercising, improving your self-cultivation, and releasing the internal libido and aggression through multiple channels.

3. Communication. Your growth has not only been traumatic, but also resourceful. It is important to understand your parents' limitations and recognize that their character traits are influenced by their family of origin and upbringing. It is not that they are incapable of communicating effectively or that they do not provide you with the necessary emotional support. It is possible that they have not been adequately reflected upon or given sufficient attention.

It is important to carefully experience your growth process. It is likely that you will find love, even if it is in small amounts. This is the best that can be expected. It is also important to communicate effectively with your childhood and your parents to help yourself and also help change the family environment. Avoiding the issue is not a solution to the problem. This is also a reflection of your value! It is possible to improve your professional knowledge by learning to communicate with therapists to help yourself and your parents. The world and I love you, and you must learn to love yourself!

Hello. From what you've said, I can see you're feeling anxious and helpless. In a family like yours, where there's conflict between parents and an unstable personal state, children often end up with insecure attachment patterns, conflict patterns, avoidance and indifference. How are you coping?

A person's character traits are closely linked to their original family and the parent-child object relationship. As you've grown up, you've also made a lot of adjustments inside. You don't like their character traits or the family atmosphere, but you can't change it. It's disturbing and affects you. At this time, you must first be self-aware: 1. What kind of character traits do I have?

Your description of running away, avoiding, being suppressed in a chaotic relationship, and then exploding after being suppressed for too long sounds like a pattern to me.

Deal with it, learn to express emotions in words. Your parents are used to expressing emotions in words and actions, such as anger, complaining, arguing, nagging, etc. This makes you uncomfortable, so start changing your own patterns. If you don't agree with their way, you have to adjust and express emotions and needs in words. Whether they agree or disagree is their pattern of separation from you. After you express emotions in words, you feel peaceful, and no matter how they respond, it is their way. This way, there will be less disputes and conflicts. It takes time to persevere.

2. In a relationship, it's hard to see yourself clearly. You always see the other person not doing what you want. You always want to go to the sea to change the other person, but this will only lead to arguments and conflicts. So let's change our perspective and change ourselves. Learn to adjust your state and adapt to the environment. This is also a kind of ability improvement.

You say that at school, your classmates are stable, and you are stable, but at home, your parents are unstable, and you are unstable, and it is even very chaotic. Wouldn't it be better if we had a fixed anchor point that could maintain a stable state of mind in various environments?

There are a few ways to deal with it. You can learn more about yourself (psychology, self-awareness, etc.), seek help (therapy, etc.), and do things you enjoy (music, painting, reading, exercise, etc.).

3. Communication and exchange. Your upbringing has not only been traumatic, but also a source of resources. It's important to understand your parents' limitations and the fact that their character traits are related to their family of origin and upbringing. It's not that they don't know how to communicate effectively, it's just that they may not have received a lot of love and attention themselves.

Take the time to appreciate the love your parents should have had for you during your upbringing, even if it was limited. That was the best they could do. Have open and honest conversations with your parents about your childhood experiences. This will help you and your family move forward. Avoidance is not a solution. This is also a reflection of your value!

Once you've made some great progress in managing your emotions, try to spend more time with your parents. With your own stability, you can infect them and thus promote a change in the family atmosphere. Don't worry, give yourself enough time. Set some small goals and achieve them gradually, and reward yourself for each completion.

I wish you the best of luck!

Dear Question Asker, You have inquired as to how to respond when your parents are emotionally unstable and you find yourself losing control in their presence.

Firstly, I commend you for your awareness of your parents' emotional characteristics and your reflection on your own reactions to their emotional instability. By becoming aware and reflecting, you have already taken the first step towards growth.

You have observed that your parents have been engaged in frequent disagreements for an extended period, which has resulted in emotional instability on their part. Your father has been known to exhibit a tendency to nag and become enraged over relatively minor issues.

Your mother is a demanding individual who will consistently find fault with you for minor issues like not placing your clothes in the closet properly. When you overhear the uneven tone of your parents' conversations, it causes you to feel physically tense.

However, after residing in an environment characterized by frequent parental disagreements for an extended period, you have unintentionally developed a tendency to become emotionally reactive. Conversely, when in the presence of colleagues and friends, you tend to exhibit a more composed demeanor, mirroring the temperament of your parents at home.

Despite being aware of this issue, it is challenging to regulate your emotions. You frequently become irritated for insignificant reasons and prefer not to remain at home for extended periods.

The two-month period spent in your parents' residence during the pandemic was undoubtedly challenging.

You possess keen powers of observation and analysis.

You have long resided in an environment characterized by frequent parental disagreements, which has undoubtedly influenced your physical and mental development. However, you possess exceptional observational and analytical skills.

You have noted that your father may be somewhat slow-paced, but he does have a tendency to become irritated and angry. Your mother is somewhat obsessive, insisting that items be stored in the closet, that things not be left lying around, and that everything be neatly and orderly arranged. Otherwise, she will find fault and criticize.

It seems that your mother is somewhat impatient, and that your parents' personalities complement each other. Their personalities complement each other, and they have been rubbing against each other for a lifetime, but they have not yet reached a state of balance. At this time, they may argue constantly over trivial matters, which could make you, as a child, feel nervous, scared, and oppressed by the atmosphere.

However, given your recent awareness of this situation, it would be prudent to implement changes promptly.

It would be beneficial to spend more time with people who are emotionally stable and calm.

Your current circle of friends is very good. You have indicated that your friends and colleagues are emotionally stable and calm individuals. You may wish to consider spending more time with them in order to develop a deeper relationship.

To gain insight into the life of an individual who has attained inner peace, it is essential to observe their behaviour and note how they navigate conflicts and contradictions. Mindfulness meditation can also be a valuable tool for achieving a state of calm and awareness, allowing one to understand their needs.

It would be beneficial to practice more in order to achieve a slower, more tranquil state of mind.

The self-suggestion method is a technique that can be used to manage emotions and maintain a calm state of mind.

When you return home and interact with your parents, their arguments may evoke emotions within you, potentially leading to fluctuations in your rhythm. It is essential to become aware of these emotions. Once you recognize this, you can utilize self-hypnosis to consistently remind yourself to remain calm and avoid being influenced by their rhythm.

They have been engaged in this pattern of behavior for decades, which may be their way of maintaining a relationship. It is possible that other couples have formed this way of interacting. When couples argue, it indicates that they still have a strong emotional connection.

If there is no love, there is no point in engaging in a futile argument. If you are unable to calm your mind as suggested, you can immediately leave the noisy environment and go somewhere else for a while.

I hope my response has been helpful.

I extend my warmest regards to you and the world.

You have indicated that your parents' emotions influence you and that you are an adult and can spend less time with them. It is true that spending time with your parents can have a significant impact.

As the adage goes, "Those who associate with unscrupulous individuals tend to adopt similar behaviors, whereas those who interact with ethical people tend to become more ethical." One's associations shape one's character.

You have indicated that residing independently from your parents will facilitate emotional stability. This is a commendable perspective. However, it is important to recognize that some individuals may experience emotional challenges when living with their parents, even after they have separated from them.

This kind of influence is more significant, and his emotions will basically become set in stone. It is not possible to change other people or family members; however, it is possible to change oneself.

It is unwise to place oneself in a position of vulnerability. A family unit has more than one barrier protecting it; it has four walls and a roof. A family has more walls. It is ill-advised to remain in a situation that could potentially endanger one's well-being.

It is not a comfortable situation to live in a building that is perceived as dangerous.

If you have an income, you can rent a place to live. If you have sufficient funds, you can also make a down payment and purchase a property. This allows you to avoid the potential dangers associated with living in a family home. As humans, we are naturally inclined to seek out benefits and avoid harm. This aligns with the fundamental principles of the world and human nature.

Both parents exhibit emotional instability. This is also the law of attraction, resonance at the same frequency. Individuals with negative attributes tend to attract others with similar negative attributes, resulting in a mutually destructive cycle.

The adage "opposites attract" is a fitting description of this phenomenon. An alternative interpretation is that two individuals with compatible personalities and a shared commitment to financial responsibility can form a stable partnership, akin to a small family unit.

This process effectively isolates and shields the negative energy present in the original family structure.

Hello,

I'm Kelly, a heart explorer, and I get it.

Let's discuss it and see if we can offer any advice.

What if my parents are emotionally unstable and their emotions always get out of control when they are together?

The family is a system, and it's true that parents' emotions can affect our moods. If parents aren't aware of this, it can make it tough for us to communicate and change.

This also applies to me. My parents argued for many years when I was young, and they were also very emotionally unstable people.

First, let's try to understand our parents' emotions. I studied family therapy this year. I can't accept my parents' emotions, but I can understand them. Here are some reasons for their bad mood:

1. The way they interact, how they've become used to a certain method, and after a long time, it starts to repeat itself.

2. Both parties haven't grown, for example, different life cycles require timely adjustments and changes.

3. Collective unconsciousness is another factor. For instance, parents grew up in such an environment and think that such phenomena are normal.

4: They don't really understand emotions and may never have explored their own feelings.

5: Psychology is a relatively new field that has only really taken off in the last few decades. We're lucky to have access to it and to be able to learn and understand it. Many people don't understand psychology, let alone why they feel the way they do.

6: How are they affected by the general environment and the depression caused by the pandemic, and are they under pressure from having to support their elderly parents?

Do your best to keep your parents from seeing too much negative news so that they're not influenced by what's going on in the outside world.

7: Help your parents find ways to take their minds off things by encouraging them to keep doing the things they enjoy, pursue their hobbies, or maintain their social circles.

8: If your parents are around 50 years old, they'll also experience menopause, and their moods will fluctuate greatly at this time. You can buy them a book called "Developmental Psychology" and give it to them.

9: Let your parents know how their moods affect their bodies, and show them you care.

10: You're the most capable learner in the family and have the greatest potential for change.

What can you do to help your parents?

11: Accept what you can't change and change what you can.

For instance, I've grown a lot mentally and learned more about psychology, which I can use as a tool to help me in my daily life.

12: It's a good idea to communicate with your parents from time to time. You could chat with them or ask them about their dreams and unfinished things.

Have you ever had any regrets in life? This could be a great chance to learn more about your parents.

13: You can also talk to your parents about their family of origin and what they don't like about it. Some parents are open to doing so, while others are not.

[The family is an emotional system]

It's understandable that you feel physical tension every time you hear your parents' conversation in an upset tone. I empathize with you; it hasn't been easy after all these years.

After all this time in such a short-tempered and irritable environment, you've become quite emotional.

This is also down to the influence of the original family I mentioned earlier, and the questioner is great at spotting changes in their body.

Let's start with some basic understanding.

"The family is an emotional unit," which we can understand in the following ways:

1. The family is an emotional unit. Any important event that affects one person will also affect the others in the family.

So, the emotions of your parents, or your own emotions, will also affect them.

2. Families rely on emotions to connect with each other.

From an early age, we pick up on the emotions our parents display. At the same time, we start to believe in the wider world, including the people who have influenced us and those who are stronger than ourselves. We also start to interact with different people, which helps us to understand and feel different.

As individuals, family members, and the family are the only options we trust and rely on.

The main difference between us and family members and other social units is that we have a lot of emotional connections with each other, so we tend to feel strongly about emotional gains and losses.

3: Gradually develop your own identity as an independent individual, while also learning to set boundaries and emotionally distance yourself when needed.

Parents have been fighting for a lifetime and are used to communicating. It's just how they do things.

We can choose to try to not be influenced by them.

We're all individuals, and we all have our own identities.

4: It's important to understand that anxiety in family interactions is most easily transmitted to each other.

For instance, an anxious mother. While anxiety can spread from one person to another, it can also help family members understand, support, and connect with each other.

Having a stable sense of self helps you see the emotional appeals behind your family's emotions.

As the questioner mentioned, it's a long process of being influenced. Once it reaches a certain intensity and duration, some of your rational thinking might be taken over by your parents' anxiety.

Prolonged and excessive close "unity" among family members isn't good for individual independence and autonomy.

I mentioned boundaries earlier and suggested the questioner read books on the subject because that's why.

If you haven't studied psychology or don't have personal experience with this kind of counseling, you'll feel more constrained and uncomfortable because you're caught up in your parents' emotions.

The family is a unit of emotions, so it's important to pay special attention to how they interact when they're anxious. This helps to avoid a vicious cycle of panic and confusion.

5: The questioner has a great comparison. You'll be more stable outside because colleagues and friends are more calm, but at home you'll become like your parents.

Awareness is the first step. You mentioned that even though you know there's a problem, it's still tough to control your emotions. It's a good start that you're aware of it.

1: Personal growth and acceptance of current feelings.

2: Learn to express your own thoughts and ideas clearly and effectively.

3: I often lose my cool over minor issues without realizing it, and I don't want to stay at home for too long. Being stuck at my parents' house for two months during the pandemic was pretty rough.

The pandemic is only going to be around for a while, and then it'll be over.

If you're unable to change the situation in the moment, try to distract yourself by doing something else, such as drawing or studying.

4: Think about the good things your parents did for you and the happy times you spent together.

5: Live your life on your own terms. We learn early on that we can live the way we like in the future.

If we want to become more like our parents, we have to put in the work.

We do our best to be true to ourselves, believe in ourselves, and strive to be the best versions of ourselves.

During the pandemic, we're grateful that our parents are still healthy and alive, including us. We also accept all our emotions and see them.

Happy birthday!

I hope you have a great day! I love you, world!

Hello, I'm Look.

The famous psychoanalyst Adler once said, "Happy people use their childhood to heal their whole life, while the unhappy use their whole life to heal their childhood." This shows us that a happy childhood is really important for children.

⭕️Parents can't always control their emotions, which can make kids act impulsively and become irritable or have other unstable emotions.

⭕️ Kids will also have low self-esteem.

If parents are always impatient, disapproving, or even abusive and violent with their children, it can lead to self-negation.

⭕️ Give up on yourself and stop trying to improve.

Sometimes parents will put their kids down, like "You're useless!" Over time, this can make kids afraid to try new things and cause their attention to wander.

What can we do when we're dealing with an emotional parent?

First, accept yourself.

And accept yourself, warts and all. You've already put in a lot of effort.

Consider making some changes to yourself.

It'd be a good idea to learn some methods of emotional management, such as the method of subliminal suggestion and the method of attention diversion.

It's time to make a change.

For instance, you could try changing the way you communicate with your parents. When your parents speak harshly, take a moment to think about why you're feeling nervous. What's behind your nervousness?

If you're really struggling to get out of this state or emotion, you can find a counselor to help you.

Best of luck!