Playing Kuaishou, received a private message, and now my wife has found out. What should I do now?

Hello, question asker!

From what you said, it seems like your wife initiated the divorce because you asked other people on WeChat and they also asked her. This made her distrust you. Your wife just gave birth 10 days ago and is in the postpartum period. She seems to think that you've betrayed your marriage.

I'd like to ask you about your behavior. Have you ever considered the underlying needs that drive it?

Why did you choose this way to meet this need? Is there a better way to meet this need?

What's driving the behavior?

Everyone has their own needs, and needs aren't good or bad. We just need to meet and respond to them. What often makes us feel ashamed and unable to face and accept is that we've responded to and met our own internal needs in an inappropriate way, and have caused a certain amount of harm to ourselves and others.

So, if we can find better ways to meet our needs, we can love others and ourselves better. If you want the other person to understand you, you have to be clear about why you did it.

It's not scary to make mistakes, but it is scary not to know where you went wrong.

Secondly, your behavior has obviously caused considerable harm to your intimate relationship, but it is also a test of your relationship. Marriage requires two people to work together, and this intimate relationship gives us great support in our spirit and life, making us feel secure and increasing our sense of well-being. At the same time, it is also a cultivation of our lives.

In an intimate relationship, it's important to understand and support each other's needs, as well as be aware of our own needs and express and satisfy them in a reasonable way.

If you've figured it out for yourself, you can choose an appropriate time to have a good conversation with your loved one. Love is mutual understanding and tolerance, but in order to gain the understanding and respect of the other person, we must first learn to listen and understand them.

I also think that emotions can't be promised with a certificate; they have to be shown through practical actions.

I like to think outside the box. Thanks for reading!

Hello, question asker, I am very happy to answer your question.

From your description, I can sense that you may be feeling some resentment when you feel misunderstood, as well as a degree of guilt and self-blame in the aftermath of the incident. Additionally, it seems that you are facing some challenges in repairing the relationship.

I would like to take a moment to share some of the thoughts I have gained from the text.

I hope I have provided you with some helpful insights.

***Postpartum is a special state***

It would be beneficial to consider that studies have shown that postpartum women experience changes due to sex hormones, social roles, and psychology, which can impact women's bodies, emotions, and psychology.

It is not uncommon for women to experience significant emotional shifts around ten days after giving birth, particularly when they learn about the situation.

I believe her psychological state will be one of

(Feelings of losing confidence, fear of losing your irreplaceable position in your heart, and even losing trust in you. ) You may feel that your words are not as credible as you would like them to be.

This may also be why you feel aggrieved and powerless, and feel that everything you do is useless.

If I might suggest one more thing, I believe that to repair the relationship between you and your wife, it would be helpful to focus on rebuilding her trust in you.

You might like to consider doing something fun together, sharing ideas together, or even taking care of the kids together, which could help to create some beautiful memories.

It would be beneficial to learn communication skills.

1. "The premise of communication" The premise of communication is

It would be beneficial to communicate with sincerity.

If my wife is interested in talking, we can engage in a constructive dialogue with an empathetic and non-judgmental approach.

It is also important to remember that everyone has emotions they may not want to share. It is essential to be understanding of these emotions and to create a space for open dialogue.

2. "Encourage and praise more often." It may be helpful to provide him with an outlet for intense emotions when you encounter them.

It would be beneficial to adopt an accepting attitude.

To address his wife's doubts and concerns in a constructive manner.

3. "Perhaps it would be beneficial to look more, listen more, and speak less."

It may be best to avoid repeating yourself unnecessarily.

It is worth noting that repetition may not necessarily enhance the impact of a statement.

It is also important to consider your actions, such as whether you have accepted her, respected her, or improved the shortcomings discussed by the two of you.

I believe that, as long as there is sincerity, the other party will be able to perceive it.

The above are merely my personal opinions and are intended only as a reference.

Hello, I'm a pregnant second-time mom and a second-level psychological counselor. I saw your request for help on the platform, and I believe you still care about your wife and don't want to lose this marriage. So what should you do? I'd like to give some advice from the present and the future. Note that I may not have any special technical terms, but all of my ideas and thoughts are very down-to-earth and everyday.

What should I do now?

First, your attitude is key. When your wife says she wants a divorce, you need to stay calm. She might not really want a divorce, but is just angry or testing you. Right now, your attitude is everything.

Ultimately, you were at fault, so to put it frankly, you need to "take no action in return for an insult." Let her see your sincere attitude.

After all, a woman who has just given birth is actually very vulnerable and needs her husband's care and companionship.

Second, communication. Your question is pretty short, and I don't know exactly what the WeChat request was about. But I get that it was from a woman and not in the context of work or professional communication. Otherwise, your wife wouldn't be so angry.

If you've only asked for WeChat and haven't done anything else, I suggest you be honest with your wife. I know it's an exaggeration, but it's important to be honest with her. During the postpartum period, women are focused on their children and not as connected to the outside world. If you're up to something sneaky, it'll make her feel uneasy.

You might as well be honest and tell her everything.

Third, it's time to take action. As a general rule, husbands also have paternity leave. I suggest you make good use of the 15 days of paternity leave. In addition, the state now provides 10 days of paternity leave per year for children under the age of three. I think you should make good use of these 20-odd days to spend time with your wife.

Given that you have time to watch TikTok, I'm curious if you spend this time with your wife and kids. If I were in your shoes, I'd probably be pretty upset to see my husband watching TikTok daily and not pitching in with the diaper changes.

If you can, say hello to your boss and clients, put your phone aside completely, and devote yourself to your wife. Your wife doesn't need much after giving birth because she can't spend long periods of time looking at her phone either. As long as you keep her company, talk to her, listen to Himalaya together, help with the baby's feeding and changing, and do all these things, I believe your wife will definitely change her mind when she sees your actions.

2. What about the long term?

You said your wife doesn't trust you and only believes what she sees. This makes me think she lacks a sense of security. Or maybe we should think about whether we're giving our wives enough security? From my own consulting experience, a simple WeChat addition may not be enough to lead to a divorce. Think about whether there's anything in your interactions that makes her distrust you.

Ultimately, to keep your marriage strong, it's important to understand your wife's needs. For instance, if she feels insecure, she might worry about you chatting with other women while she's at home taking care of the kids. This shows her love and concern for you.

So, what should you do if you think about this? First, regulate your own behavior and never do anything that crosses the boundaries of the marital relationship. Second, share more with your wife. Let me give you an example. A husband who is not busy at work also likes to use TikTok. What does he do to make sure he doesn't upset his wife?

He often makes short videos himself, using family and children as material. He also likes to watch funny and delicious video content with his wife and kids, so that his wife won't have too many complaints about it.

Ultimately, you should consider your wife's needs in the marriage and pay attention to boundaries. If you focus on her needs, try to meet them as much as possible, or at least pay attention.

I hope you find this advice helpful. Best regards.

It's not uncommon for women in the perinatal period to experience anxiety and depression, and they may also engage in impulsive behavior. Your wife may have discovered some of your less harmonious behavior, which made her feel that you might threaten the survival chances of her and the child. Understandably, she's now eager to get out of the marriage.

It's possible that your wife is someone who makes decisions like divorce without thinking them through. Maybe this incident really is something you didn't think through, and it made the other person feel very uncomfortable.

What should I do if my wife finds my private WeChat messages?

You asked someone for WeChat, and they asked you for it too.

Your wife found out and now wants a divorce.

He's quick-tempered.

Divorce

It's really shaken the trust in the marriage, which is very upsetting, and your wife has just given birth and now needs the support of her family, but she found out about this.

It'd be good to try to understand why your wife is so angry.

Emotional swings can affect how we act and make decisions.

It's important to avoid extreme behavior and try to stabilize each other first.

This is a unique situation, and it's best to let both sets of parents help facilitate a resolution. It's not reasonable to expect the marriage to suddenly fall apart. There's now a cooling-off period for divorce, so it's not an immediate decision.

It's likely that your wife is still in a bit of a emotional state after giving birth. During her pregnancy, the baby was squishing her internal organs and making it hard for her to breathe. After finally giving birth, she may feel a bit aggrieved to discover this kind of thing and feel that she has been wronged.

First, you need to figure out what the problem is. The person responsible needs to apologize, make amends, and ask for forgiveness. They should stop using similar short video software and devote themselves to their family, taking good care of their wife and children.

You wrote a letter of apology, but the other party may still be angry, so they haven't read your letter of apology yet. This makes you feel pretty uncomfortable and sad, and you're also pretty disappointed. You've also deleted all those short video apps, and it would be best to show your loyalty through a series of service actions.

You need to go along with her as much as possible, but you also need to have a clear limit. Explain that you will handle the situation based on its own merits, that some things really shouldn't be done, but you will correct them. Since this is your first time doing something like this, there may still be room for redemption. I recommend that you go for counseling and let the parents of both sides reconcile.

ZQ?

Hello.

I am honored to answer your question. I am sorry to hear about your situation. It is unfortunate that your wife found out that you added someone to WeChat while playing a game and now wants a divorce.

You posted this question on the platform because you know you can solve these problems. It's clear you love your wife and children. This junior high school problem can be solved easily.

You need to understand why your wife wants a divorce. It's clear to me that your actions are irresponsible and hurtful to her and the children. Every woman wants her husband to love her and hate those who are kind.

Ten days after giving birth, her body and spirit are not yet fully recovered, and she is spending more energy on caring for her month-old baby. At a time when she needs help most, you are causing her harm, not providing relief and support. Anyone in this situation would be unforgivable. What he sees in these actions is not only your lack of compassion in every situation, but also the selfishness and irresponsibility behind these actions.

Take a cold shoulder approach. It's the best course of action. Your wife is crying and screaming, but you need to divert her attention to her and the baby. Wait until the baby is one month old and your health has recovered before talking about this matter. It's a waste of effort and energy. It's not good for you or the baby. I'm your husband for one day. I'm responsible for you and the baby for one day. Help your wife take care of the baby and take care of her during her postpartum period. Show them with your actions that you love them and are responsible for this family. A letter of guarantee or a letter of commitment doesn't matter. The standard for betraying a family is how much you give to that family. The more you give to this family, the less likely you are to betray this family.

Likewise, I am certain that the wives of the top ten leaders do not consider your promises and commitments; they observe your actual contributions to the family. I am pleased to have an appointment in 1983. The world and I love you!

Good morning, My name is Xin Tan, and I am a coach working with Fei Yun. I will be accompanying you with warmth and listening to your emotional story with sincerity.

I can discern your anxiety, concerns, and apprehensions.

You are concerned that your wife may be distressed and offended by this occurrence during her confinement, and that it may ultimately result in a divorce and the dissolution of your newly formed family.

Take a moment to collect your thoughts and compose yourself. Only when we are calm enough can we make the best decisions.

Let us examine the issue from both your and your wife's points of view.

1. Your inquiry

"There is right and wrong in behavior, and the motivation behind the behavior must be positive." Even if an individual engages in criminal activity, the behavior is wrong. However, if the motivation is to improve one's circumstances, it can be viewed as positive.

Please describe your motivation for playing Kuaishou and sending private messages. Are you experiencing loneliness due to your daughter-in-law's postpartum period?

Please clarify whether the motivation behind playing Kuaishou and sending private messages is to relieve pressure from other sources, or if it is due to a specific need that requires further attention.

In light of the positive motivation behind your behavior, it would be beneficial to consider alternative methods for satisfying this need, beyond the use of Kuaishou and private messages.

For instance, it would be beneficial to communicate more with your family and daughter-in-law in order to strengthen your bond, build trust, and foster mutual respect.

2. The daughter-in-law's issue

Due to the hasty and clandestine nature of your actions, your daughter-in-law discovered your infidelity while she was in her postpartum confinement. This led to her seeking a divorce.

It is important to allow the other person to have emotions and to express them. There is a reason for their emotions, and the responsibility lies with you.

It is important to understand that every emotion is driven by an unmet need. In order to resolve the situation, it is necessary to put yourself in the other person's shoes.

The daughter-in-law's anger is driven by a sense of grievance. A woman has already endured significant challenges during childbirth, and her wounds have not yet healed. She is occupied with caring for her infant on a daily basis, and her perception is that you are engaging in inappropriate interactions with other individuals.

How would you feel in this situation? Wouldn't you have the same feelings of injustice?

Given the circumstances, it is evident that your daughter-in-law is experiencing a sense of grievance. She is in need of your compassion and craves your affection. She is capable of understanding and accepting her anger, including her intense behavior.

In a marriage, there are different needs for men and women. Women want to feel secure, valued, and cared for by their partners.

Your actions have the effect of undermining all of her needs. Writing private letters to others makes her feel insecure in your marriage. This gives the impression that you are someone who is not trustworthy and whom she cannot entrust with her life.

Even if you are not sending private messages to other people on your phone while she is in her postpartum confinement, it has already affected her feelings. Even the little things like lending a hand with childcare, washing nappies, or pouring water for formula will demonstrate to her that you care about and value her.

It is recommended that:

"Prioritize addressing your emotions before addressing the matter at hand."

Given the current circumstances, it is likely that the daughter-in-law will make some emotional responses. It is important to note that women tend to focus on emotions more than men do, while men tend to focus on the matter at hand. Both parties should take a step back and allow the other person space to process their feelings.

Once you have regained your composure, you may wish to consider seeking the assistance of an impartial third party, such as a family member or friend, to facilitate a resolution.

Furthermore, it would be beneficial to discuss with your partner ways to rebuild intimacy.

It is important to be open and honest about your feelings.

It is only when there is a connection at the emotional level that intimacy is possible.

Expressing one's feelings is the most effective way to establish intimacy. When there is a disagreement between parties, it is common for individuals to seek to attribute blame to the other side. However, reasoning is an ineffective approach, as there is a tendency for individuals to believe they are correct.

Reasoning in a relationship will only lead to arguments, and while you may win the argument, you will ultimately lose the relationship. It is therefore advisable to "act with emotion and reason with logic."

2. Do not make any complaints.

It is acceptable to make a request when your expectations are not met. Complaining may result in a sense of frustration.

It is important to note that every complaint is indicative of an underlying unmet need.

3. Remove your protective measures.

In the presence of your loved ones, remove your protective barriers.

Intimacy is defined as the absence of fear in the presence of another individual.

The key to successful external relationships is openness, connection, and intimacy.

External relationships are inextricably linked to our internal relationship with our parents.

I hope these suggestions are helpful to you. Best regards, [Your name]

To continue the conversation, please click "Find a Coach" in the upper right corner or at the bottom of the page. I will communicate and grow with you one-on-one.

You mentioned that you engage in fast-paced games and utilize WeChat with other individuals, which led to your wife discovering this and subsequently requesting a divorce. She is currently in the postpartum period, just 10 days after giving birth. She woke you up at 5 a.m. and did not even review the written promise or the affidavit you drafted, expressing that she is experiencing difficulty trusting you and is particularly sad and disappointed.

You are feeling quite anxious at the moment and are seeking advice on how to cope. You have now logged out of all your software accounts and are asking for guidance on what to do.

It's possible that others might view your use of apps during your wife's pregnancy and postpartum period as inappropriate, but it's essential to understand your own feelings. You may be feeling isolated, and with so much attention on the baby, it's natural to crave some personal time.

If you engage with software that leads to difficulties with WeChat and your wife discovers this, it may be because you are seeking a form of discipline.

From what I can see, your wife is still in a state of anger and emotional impulse. It seems that she is unable to listen to anything you say in your defense and feels hurt. She has gone through so much trouble giving birth to your children, and it seems that you have betrayed her by using dating apps and asking for other people's WeChat IDs. This may make her feel that she is not worth it and that the trust between you has collapsed.

She may be able to sense that you are sincere about wanting to spend time with her. You have deleted all your accounts, which shows your attitude, but perhaps she wants more than that at the moment. You see that she woke you up at 5 a.m. Maybe she wakes up early, or perhaps she didn't sleep all night. It would be helpful to know if your child sleeps together.

Could I perhaps ask who will be taking care of the children? Would you possibly be willing to help take some of the responsibility for caring for the children?

It would be unwise to assume that just because there is an elderly person to take care of the baby or a nanny, you can simply sit back and relax. If you are willing to spend time taking care of the baby, she may appreciate your willingness to help out.

Additionally, it would be beneficial to provide her with more support and understanding. Given that she has recently given birth and is currently in the postpartum period, it is possible that she may be experiencing some emotional challenges. It would be helpful to allow her time to adjust and communicate with her, acknowledge any mistakes, demonstrate care and consideration, and demonstrate your positive attitude. It would also be valuable to take on practical responsibilities and embrace the role of a supportive husband and father.

It would be wise to consider the potential consequences of your actions and to exercise restraint in pursuing your desires. When you feel lonely, it might be helpful to seek the support and understanding of your family, rather than attempting to escape from reality.

I'm so sorry to hear that.

Hello!

I saw your urgent request for help on the platform. You said you were playing a game on Kuaishou and asked people for their WeChat. Your wife found out and is sad and disappointed. She is thinking about divorcing you.

How do you make your wife change her mind?

Your wife gave birth to your child after a dangerous nine-month journey. Instead of appreciating her hard work, you're chatting with strangers on the internet. She's disappointed in you. She's currently in the postpartum period, so her body hasn't recovered. She's easily affected emotionally. Take better care of her and keep her company. Don't play games with other people online.

2. You came to the platform for help because you realized you did wrong. You wrote a letter of commitment and an undertaking to your wife and cancelled all your software accounts. This shows you made a mistake and have stopped contacting others' WeChat accounts.

3. Your wife is in a bad mood and won't listen. But as long as you're sorry and haven't made a mistake, it's not too late. If she won't listen, you can only act now and prove you're sincere with actions. You'll take care of her, your child, and your wife. It's better to take action than talk.

4. Know that your actions are irresponsible towards your family. If you want to chat, tell your wife. If she doesn't like it, stop chatting with strangers on social media. You have free time; spend it with your wife and child!

5. If you want to live a good life with your wife, you can still make it work. After your wife calms down, you can talk. Your wife is still in the postpartum period, and the baby is still young. Is divorce realistic? You have to communicate and decide what to do. Don't just talk empty words. Take care of your wife and child. Give them happiness and joy.

I hope this helps. I love you!

Hello, I'm Strawberry.

Upon reflection, the questioner realized that he had been careless in his actions. He had been chatting with someone and may have asked for WeChat, which led to others also asking for it. Unfortunately, this happened only 10 days after the birth of the child. His wife, who was in the postpartum period, discovered this behavior and expressed her displeasure. She even considered divorce. The questioner now understands the gravity of his actions and is saddened by the consequences.

It was particularly saddening for him to realize that his wife no longer trusted him, and he was disappointed in himself. The questioner felt so distressed that he wanted to die and deleted all his WeChat accounts. He wrote two letters of commitment and an affidavit to prove to his wife that he had no other intentions, but she said she only believed what she saw.

It would be helpful to know whether the question asker chats with only one person in private or with multiple people. What kind of topics do they usually chat about on WeChat? Given that the question asker's wife has just given birth, it's understandable that she might feel less confident at this time. It's possible that she's feeling overwhelmed and that the trust between you has been affected.

It might be said that she is on the verge of anger, so it would be unwise to assume that forgiveness will be granted easily. It would be prudent for the question owner to avoid ignoring his wife in such a situation, as this could potentially lead to further difficulties in the relationship.

He finds himself in a difficult situation. He has been playing "Quick Hand" and sending private messages, and his wife has discovered his actions. What should he do now?

1. Consider your own actions and motivations.

In today's world, many people enjoy watching short videos as a way to pass the time and relax. The questioner's family is going through a period of adjustment following the birth of his child. It would be beneficial for him to seek support from other family members during this time. It is understandable that the questioner might find it helpful to watch videos when he has some free time.

It could be said that when we send a private message to a stranger and add them on WeChat, it is with a purpose. Only the questioner himself knows what that purpose is, so it might be helpful to reflect on one's own behavior. A wife who has just given birth needs a lot of care. It's possible that the questioner chatting with other people might not be giving their wife and child the care they need.

If your wife is not aware of your actions, would you consider continuing this interaction? It's possible that you haven't done anything to intentionally harm your wife, but her reaction suggests that she may have perceived your actions as a betrayal.

2. Consider taking practical actions to make amends.

From a practical standpoint, it seems that the husband has not done anything to deserve his wife's anger. However, her feelings of frustration may be rooted in the perception that he was chatting with other people while she was in her postpartum confinement, and that he was attempting to take actions without her knowledge or input.

Secondly, when you use your free time to connect with other people, it would be greatly appreciated if you could show more concern for her hard work. This is especially true after a woman has just given birth, as it can be a challenging time. It is important to remember that your wife may feel self-doubting, as she may question her appearance or figure. This is a natural feeling, and it is essential to reassure her that she is still attractive and loved.

Given the current situation, it is understandable that your wife is suspicious and angry with you. In addition to using words to convince your wife to trust you, it would be beneficial for the question asker to use time and actions to save the marriage and your wife's heart. Written promises may not be as impactful as practical actions, so it would be helpful for you to demonstrate to your wife that you recognize your mistakes and that the question asker is willing to admit his wrongdoing and make changes.

3. It would be beneficial to gain an understanding of the importance of boundaries in a marriage.

It could be argued that monogamy is required in marriage law to protect both parties' commitment to the marriage. It may be helpful for both men and women to maintain a sense of boundaries with other members of the opposite sex after marriage. This could be an important way to be a responsible person. It might be beneficial for the other half to feel the unique sense of security given to them by taking the initiative to maintain a good distance.

It is a challenging process for two people to go from strangers to getting to know each other, to confirming the relationship, to getting married and having children. This is why it is important to cherish the hard-won relationship and trust that has been built. The fact that the questioner is ready to die is a testament to his awareness of the harm his actions have caused his wife. Since it has already happened, we can only face it and work towards a solution so that we can move forward. Time will allow your life to return to normal. After that, how the questioner can make his wife feel secure will depend on your time together.

I believe there are five languages in love.

It would be beneficial to give your wife some affirming and praising words so that she can feel that you can see her efforts.

It would be beneficial to maintain a sense of ritual in your relationship, even as your marriage progresses. This does not necessarily have to do with being an old married couple.

It would be a nice gesture to occasionally prepare a small gift for your wife. It doesn't have to be expensive, but it's important for your wife to know that you value her.

It would be beneficial to take the initiative to contribute to household tasks, rather than solely relying on your wife to do them.

It would be beneficial for couples to express physical contact frequently. This could include holding hands, stroking, hugging, and kissing. When your wife needs comfort, it might be helpful to give her a big hug to show that you understand her wounded heart.

I hope my answer is helpful to the questioner. Wishing you the best.

You should think carefully before asking someone for WeChat on a messaging app like Kuaishou. You know exactly how your wife will feel if this is discovered, yet you still choose to do it anyway. You are responsible for the consequences.

You have no right to ask someone for WeChat for any reason. You want to cheat on your wife, and you may have succeeded or not. While your wife is carrying your child, you are fooling around with other women. Where is your conscience?

You mentioned a promise. If it were meaningful, you would not have done what you did before. You made that promise the moment you and your wife got married. If you can break one promise, you can break thousands.

You must respect your wife's choice.

If she forgives you, you will remember her tolerance and love and treat your marriage and relationship well in the future. If she divorces you, you must compensate her with material wealth now.

You have already betrayed her mentally, so you must compensate for it materially. Talk to your current wife about the future child support and related issues, reduce disputes, and do your best to reduce the harm suffered in this marriage. This marriage will not be defined by trivial matters.