Recently, my best friend has been annoying me more and more. Why is she resisting, avoiding me?

Hello, dear friend. It seems that your avoidance and resistance may be a result of feeling exhausted in this friendship. It's possible that you feel like you've been giving more than you're receiving emotionally from the other person. To help you regain balance, I'd like to suggest three possible solutions for your consideration:

1. It seems that the original poster is feeling annoyed and clingy because you value your good friend very much, but at the same time, you may feel that the direction of your relationship and the sense of space need to be updated. After all, you are good friends, but it seems that his attachment to you has a touch of anxiety. It's possible that your mutual attachment to each other and the various kinds of help you provide are like the things a partner or even a parent does, and your best friend doesn't seem to realize that in your friendship she is like a child and you are like a parent. If you and she can find a new way to get along, where everyone is independent but also relies on each other, she may finally realize the preciousness of you and support each other with you.

2. It might be helpful to pay more attention to yourself and consider rethinking the way you interact with your friend. Your irritation and resistance to her, and your avoidance of her, could be a result of your tendency to help her and perhaps neglect your own needs. It might be beneficial to rethink the way you interact with your friend. For instance, if you feel that you have to meet several times a week and find yourself spending time listening to her repeat meaningless trivial matters, you may even feel speechless. In such a case, it might be helpful to realize that you have to set aside some time for yourself, reduce endless consumption, and have your own independent space.

3. It might also be helpful for the original poster to try to write about the very good times they have spent together with a grateful heart. When you are annoyed next time, you might like to read what you have written about the things to be thankful for in your friendship, and then think about whether you have done your best. If you feel you have done your best, you could try to give yourself a little more tolerance and understanding.

Friendship is indeed very precious, and you have made every effort to maintain the relationship. Perhaps you could also try affirming and respecting yourself a little more, and listening to what you want in this friendship, rather than always accommodating the other person. I hope you and your good friend can find a new way of getting along that is balanced and supportive.

Hello, I'm a heart coach. I can see how your best friend's dependence on you is making you feel like you don't have your own independent life or space.

But you don't want to abandon her, which is causing some internal conflict and guilt.

A good friend is someone who can share our ups and downs, and it is because of their support that we have made it through the tough times in our lives. Let's take a look at the issues that are troubling you and how we can work through them together:

?1. It's important to have boundaries in a relationship.

You say she's your best friend, who cares about you and is concerned for you. You also want to snuggle up to her, and she's even more attached to you, longing to do everything with you: travel, go to musicals, and go to more places and experience more things with you.

However, this lack of independent space between you is making you increasingly resentful, and you feel like you are being tied down. It's true that you are being tied down by her dependence/attachment.

It's important to remember that even for people who are very close, it's still important to pay attention to boundaries and not cross them.

The common expressions "close yet distant" and "a gentleman's friendship is as light as water" actually imply the meaning of "a sense of boundaries." You are good friends who have common interests, but you also have your own lives and spaces.

?2. A good friend is emotionally attached to you, and you can help her grow as a person.

As you mentioned, a good friend has done nothing wrong. She just wants someone to keep her company, love her, and care for her.

But it's also important to learn to grow up on your own. Emotional support doesn't just come from family and friends. It also comes from taking care of yourself.

As I mentioned in "Psychological Nutrition," when a person doesn't get enough psychological nutrition (the ability to love, the ability to connect with others, a sense of security, etc.) from their parents, they'll constantly "ask for" it in their subsequent relationships because they're "hungry," and "finding food" is the most important thing.

I can tell you care a lot about your best friend and want to spend time with her and be there for her. You can say in a nice way that you also have your own life, like family, love, and friendships with other friends.

At the same time, it'd be good to encourage her to expand her social circle and cultivate new interests and hobbies. That way, she'll have a support system (work, friends, relationships, hobbies, etc.) in addition to your emotional support.

At the beginning, you can try to introduce her to new friends, make friends of the opposite sex, and cultivate hobbies (reading, writing, etc.).

I hope this is helpful to you, and I wish you all the best.

If you'd like to keep chatting, just click 'Find a coach' in the top right or bottom of the page. I'll be in touch and we can keep growing together.