Should a brother-sister relationship continue without companionship and with little care?

It is evident that you have developed romantic feelings for a particular individual. However, it is becoming increasingly clear that the relationship is untenable. The other person has consistently demonstrated a lack of enthusiasm and interest in the relationship, yet you find it challenging to move on. You are reluctant to acknowledge the potential for regret and are persistently maintaining the relationship, despite the emotional distress it causes you.

It is evident that you possess the answer within yourself; however, your attachment to this relationship is so profound that you are reluctant to disengage. The attachment pattern in your intimate relationship with your girlfriend can be traced back to your attachment relationship with your mother.

The questioner may recall the nature of the relationship between himself and his mother during his childhood. To what extent did he feel secure in the parent-child relationship? What qualities of this girl attracted him?

You indicate that you do not wish to experience regret; however, it is unclear what type of regret you are referring to. Are you motivated to remain in this relationship due to a genuine desire to continue loving the other person, or is it because you wish to avoid any potential regret?

The questioner must determine whether they are pursuing a beautiful love or a seemingly complete love.

Love is a journey undertaken by two individuals together, with the shared goal of achieving happiness.

Love is comprised of three elements: passion, intimacy, and commitment. What remains in the relationship? Are the needs of both partners being met?

The question thus arises as to whether the other person's needs can be met in the relationship.

In a romantic relationship, the two parties will remain together and create love and happiness together only when their needs are met.

The humanistic psychologist Carl Rogers posited that love is characterized by deep understanding and acceptance. It is therefore pertinent to inquire as to whether the questioner has attained a profound understanding and acceptance of themselves.

Love itself is a kind of ability. In order for the other person to feel love, it is necessary for us to allow ourselves to have the ability to create love. The questioner can read "Why does love hurt?" in order to gain a deeper understanding of love.

It is my hope that the questioner will soon be relieved of their distress and able to achieve happiness. I wish them well.

Dear Question Asker,

From the information provided, it can be surmised that the relationship in question may not be what one would traditionally consider a romantic partnership. Despite the clear indication of romantic feelings from the subject and the apparent acceptance of these feelings by the object of desire,

However, your sister's attitude and approach towards you do not evince the characteristics of a romantic relationship. It is more probable that your feelings towards her are those of a one-sided infatuation.

The question now becomes whether to continue this relationship between a younger man and an older woman. It is evident that the older woman is unable to fulfill the younger man's needs for companionship, care, and attention at this time. However, the younger man believes that this is due to the fact that they have not yet been together for an extended period and that he does not wish to leave any regrets.

☘️It would be beneficial to consider the characteristics that would make an ideal partner. One approach to this would be to create a list of these characteristics and then assess whether the sister displays them.

If another individual were to meet these criteria, would you be amenable to exploring a relationship with her? Or is this sister the optimal partner for you?

It is important to note the distinction between falling in love and getting married.

Indeed, there are numerous individuals who align with our criteria for romantic relationships.

The potential for a relationship to develop also depends on whether the individual meets the other person's standards for a relationship. If the two individuals align with each other in this regard, they may be considered kindred spirits, and the likelihood of a relationship forming is increased.

It would be beneficial to ascertain whether you truly comprehend your sister's genuine sentiments and ascertain her relationship standards.

To what extent do you find yourself in alignment with these characteristics?

It is evident that your sister is neither taking the initiative nor rejecting you, as she is presumably preoccupied with her own considerations. It would be beneficial to ascertain which needs of your sister have been fulfilled.

Additionally, your sister has other potential suitors. She derives pleasure from the adoration she receives from all parties. Your pursuit imbues her with the confidence that her charm remains undiminished. The unique dynamic of a younger brother pursuing her is a quality that neither peers nor older suitors can provide. You possess a distinct value within the context of your relationship with your sister.

Should one be willing to wait and work assiduously, it is not implausible to win the affection of the object of one's desire.

It is my hope that this response will provide you with a different perspective and be of assistance to you.

I would like to extend my sincerest congratulations.

Hello, question asker!

The age difference between you has not brought you the companionship you want. But don't worry! We can sort this out together.

From a psychological point of view, the pattern of intimate relationships is related to the attachment patterns formed in the original family. This means that the pattern of intimate relationships is a wonderful repetition of the pattern of getting along with parents in the original family.

In your original family, you may have had a strong emotional attachment to your mother, and this feeling of dependence has continued to the present. This means you may have a certain degree of Oedipus complex, which is great because it means you hope that the other party in the intimate relationship will take the initiative to care for, look after, and accompany you.

Perhaps you didn't receive the careful attention and love of your mother when you were young, and you have regrets. But you can regain the unconditional motherly love you didn't receive as a child through intimacy!

"What I long for is always only in her assumptions. But I can't let go, alas," shows that the questioner may belong to the second type, which is great because it means they have a strong desire to receive unconditional love from their mother.

The brother-sister love model is a great example of how two people with different age gaps can have a happy and fulfilling relationship. It's not just about the age difference, but also about each person's emotional needs. One person may want to be the caregiver, while the other wants to be taken care of. This dynamic can be really satisfying for both partners. One person might enjoy taking on the role of managing household chores and being there for their partner, while the other is happy to be the one being cared for and let their partner take the lead in household responsibilities. It's a beautiful balance!

This is how intimacy can continue!

From the description of the questioner, it can be seen that you are willing to be taken care of, but the other person is unwilling to accompany you. In other words, she is your ideal partner, but you may not be her ideal partner. This kind of relationship may be difficult to maintain, but it's still an exciting possibility!

"She said a guy kept pestering her," which means she hasn't completely ended the previous intimate relationship. But that just means there's room for a new, exciting one! Without closure, it is impossible to fully commit to the next intimate relationship, but you can still make it work.

Absolutely! If you are patient, you can give her time to deal with the previous relationship before deciding whether you want to stay together. During this time, you get to learn to take care of yourself!

As you can see from the previous analysis, age is not the main factor. It doesn't matter if the other person is older or younger than you. What matters is whether the other person's role in the intimate relationship matches your expectations. And you can adjust your views on marriage partners from this perspective, so that you have a wider range of choices!

I really hope this helps!

Wishing you the very best!

Hello, I'm Strawberry.

It seems that when it comes to relationship-8950.html" target="_blank">love, age and education are no longer an issue. Everyone's journey is different. From what the questioner has said, it seems that she and her partner are in a relationship where the younger person is coupled with an older partner. In this relationship, the questioner has invested more and values this relationship more.

The other person said they liked the questioner, but the interaction between the two made the questioner doubt whether they were just going through the motions and whether they really liked him.

People can be greedy. In fact, the questioner has thought about it herself: you two will never work out. Even if you are satisfied just having a period of time together, after being together, the questioner wants to have a lot more. But this is normal psychology: because we like each other, we want to have more of each other and do more of the things couples do.

Take some time to observe.

What did the questioner do or say to make her partner say yes? I don't know how you two met or what led to the relationship. Maybe the questioner said something that made the other person unwilling to hurt you and agree to be with the questioner.

The subject's partner is seven or eight years older than the subject and only has a primary school education. The subject is attracted to her, which shows she's outstanding. It also shows she has more social experience than the subject and has met all kinds of people. Maybe she feels safer relying on herself than relying on others.

Men and women think differently. You can bridge the gap in education with hard work, but there's nothing you can do about age. At your age, the age difference between you is something your partner cares about. Agreeing to it doesn't mean she won't have thoughts in her mind, especially since women tend to age more quickly after giving birth, which is something almost every woman cares about.

Take some time to get to know your partner better and try to understand her concerns. Once you do, you'll probably see why she's conflicted.

You can take the lead if you want to.

No matter how much time the questioner wants to spend with the object, there's always an excuse. She's busy at work. I don't know what kind of work the questioner's girlfriend is engaged in, but surely she can find time to spend as much time as possible with the questioner, no matter how busy she is. But she doesn't.

Her behavior makes the questioner feel like she doesn't love him. As an outsider, I think that if she doesn't love him, she should just say so directly so that the questioner knows her attitude and she can ignore the questioner completely.

Her behavior could also mean that she has some thoughts about your relationship, but she's not sure. Sometimes, she feels inferior, so she's afraid to take that step because she's worried that once she gives her heart, she'll never get it back.

Her busy schedule isn't a valid excuse. If someone wants to gain confidence, they have to do it on their own. Once they're confident enough, they can make decisions without hesitation.

The questioner said that the distance between them isn't too far, so can he take the initiative? For example, he could wait for her to get off work, slowly get to know her schedule, and then do other things, so that she can see his intentions. If her heart is in her career, then she'd rather find someone she can rely on, rather than just waiting for her to make the arrangements like a subordinate.

Are expectations too high?

From what the questioner says, you might think these are normal things couples should have, but everyone's different. Has the questioner told his girlfriend how he feels about the way she treats him? If no one brings it up, she might not know.

The questioner can try talking to his girlfriend and see how she responds. If she's really busy and has been neglecting him, she shouldn't give him false hope and then let him down.

The questioner should also think about whether he's setting the bar too high for his girlfriend, putting pressure on her. We don't know how to love until we learn how. From what the questioner said, it seems like his girlfriend was pretty unhappy during her upbringing. Otherwise, she wouldn't have chosen not to study at such a young age. So, it's possible that she just doesn't know how to love. You can only find out by spending time together slowly.

"It turns out that understanding is more important than love." We often have a harder time seeing the challenges others face than we do our own. By understanding and tolerating each other, we can enjoy the benefits of a happy relationship.

I hope my answer helps the person who asked the question. Best regards,

Hello, I'm Jia Ao Bu Xun!

After carefully reading your confessions and concerns, I think you are having problems in your relationship, right? The person you like doesn't really care for you or show you any affection, and you don't know what to do because you can't get the emotional value that a normal couple should have. But don't worry! I'm here to help.

The painful part is that you can't let her go, either. But here's the exciting part: you get to decide whether this relationship continues!

Absolutely! Even though you're not face-to-face, I can tell you're ready for something new. You want a simple, straightforward relationship where you can be yourself and have someone to share good times with. Unfortunately, she's not responding to your needs. She's avoiding and delaying, and she's not addressing your sadness and loss. But don't lose hope! There are plenty of other options out there.

Absolutely! There is a need to continue a relationship between a younger man and an older woman without companionship and care.

Let's dive in and answer your question together!

Let's dive into the signs that the other person makes you feel lost and painful:

She's seven or eight years older and has only had a primary school education, which is pretty cool.

She doesn't care, doesn't accompany, and is very perfunctory.

And there are no meetings, no dates, and no dinners!

And always, always stand her up and make you wait for her!

It makes people feel hopeless, powerless, and helpless.

…………

[Try to reflect on yourself]

In general, in a relationship between a younger man and an older woman, the older woman tends to take care of the younger man more and dote on him. How could it be that she is so tired and aggrieved, just like you? It's a great opportunity for you to find out why! Does she have a reason for this, or does she not care that much?

What was your previous pattern of getting along? Has she always been like this? Then why did she agree to be with you?

Since you chose to be together, you should absolutely care about and pay attention to each other! Why would you want to exhaust yourself like this?

[Establish effective communication]

Have you ever found an opportunity to ask her what she thinks about your relationship? It would be great to know where she stands! Does she want to be together or is she just stringing you along? Or is she just using you as a spare part?

No matter what happens, you haven't broken up yet, and there are plenty of opportunities for good communication. You can't go on like this. You have to ask her: if you still want to be together, then at least you can't be so indifferent. You have to face the problems between you together. If she really doesn't have any feelings for you, the worst that can happen is that you break up. It's hard for anyone to be indifferent like this. But you can do it!

[Embrace the power to stop loss in time]

Love is all about mutual consent. If after communicating, you are certain that the other person is just playing with you, you must learn to "stop the loss in time" and not let yourself get deeper and deeper into it. You will definitely not be able to let go for the time being, but a short pain is better than a long one. There is no point in being reluctant to let go now. You've got this!

It's time to move on from this relationship! There's no point in constantly pursuing something that's not going anywhere. Just end it firmly and don't waste any more of your precious time. Her heart is never going to be with you. It's always an excuse or another. Just leave it to time and slowly let it all fade away. You've got better things to do with your time!

[Mutual love]

If you are in a relationship and constantly in a negative emotional state (feeling lost, sad, or in pain), then it's time to make a change! This relationship is definitely not the best for you. It will continue to [consume] you. You either need to find a way to solve the problem and turn the situation around, or you need to put on the brakes and stop dwelling on it. If you continue to drag your feet, you will only get tired and hurt, and you will get nothing out of it. So, what are you waiting for? Take the leap and make a change!

A good relationship is a two-way street! You can cherish and accompany each other, and the two of you can have simple happiness and joy. No matter how big the difficulties and challenges ahead, you can face and overcome them together. This kind of relationship is the best! It gives you peace of mind and strength.

[Love yourself well]

From your description, I can tell you're a person who values relationships. You've put a lot into this one, and your demands are not high. You want the other person to care about you and be there for you. Unfortunately, you've met the wrong person, and she cannot give you the response you want. But don't worry! What I want to tell you is that no matter what happens in the future, you must love yourself well in order to better love others. If others do not cherish you, you must take care of your own emotions and feelings. I hope that you are doing well and will soon have your own happiness and joy.

I really hope my answer helps! The world and I love you ♥

Everyone has the potential to be a beacon, whether they are asking questions or answering them. Through words, they can illuminate the hearts of many people, and this is the energy we all share.

Hello, I am Coach Fly of XinTan. I sense that you may be experiencing feelings of bitterness, helplessness, and hopelessness in this relationship between a younger man and an older woman. Despite the other person's willingness to accept your affection, their words and actions have left you feeling isolated, even neglected and abandoned.

You seem to be uncertain about whether to move on or simply give up.

Let's take a look at the problem together and see what we can do to help.

? 1. Your needs

Love knows no boundaries, and everyone has the right to pursue happiness regardless of age, location, education, family background, etc.

It is important to remember that for love to be truly fulfilling, it must be mutual. When there is a disparity in the level of commitment between two individuals, it can often lead to frustration and disappointment.

I'm not sure how old you are at the moment. Are you still in school or have you already started working?

It would be helpful to distinguish whether your affection for this sister is love or a need.

It's like a thirsty person who needs a glass of water to quench their thirst. Once the thirst is quenched, they can consider whether they want a glass of cola or coffee, or even whether the person next to them is thirsty too. This is the difference between love and need.

It is not uncommon for the line between love and needs to become blurred. As Wu Zhihong insightfully notes in her book Why Family Hurts, the dynamic between a husband and wife may become distorted, with one partner seeking to find the "ideal parents" in their partner.

?2. Her evasive behavior

It is often said that a perfect love or marriage requires both sides to be equal. This is what the Chinese call "being well-matched." While education is certainly a valuable part of the picture, it is important to recognize that each person's experiences, upbringing, interests, hobbies, living habits, and family situations will all affect the relationship in some way.

It's important to remember that love can make people sensitive. It might be helpful to trust your own feelings and consider that she may be avoiding you because she's trying to protect you. Given that she is 7-8 years older than you, has a certain amount of social experience and life experience, and may have a more realistic view of the situation, it's understandable that she might be avoiding you.

It might also be the case that she is rejecting you, perhaps because she feels that you are not suitable for each other and that there is no future for you. It might be a good idea to start over in a more rational way and to reconsider your relationship.

You might find it helpful to read "If Only I Knew Before Marriage," which offers insights into love, marriage, and human nature.

I hope the above is helpful to you. I also hope that the world and I can show you some love. ?

If you would like to continue the conversation, you are welcome to click on the "Find a Coach" link, which you will find in the top right corner or at the bottom of the page. I would be delighted to communicate and grow with you one-on-one.