Should I continue with my boyfriend, considering his "overstepping" behavior?

Dear questioner, Hello! I'm super excited to help you with your question.

Oh my goodness, your boyfriend sent some intimate messages to his ex after they broke up, even though she was married! It's so awkward, right? It makes you feel bad, and it feels like something is blocking you, doesn't it?

I totally get it. This is a big deal, and it's something you need to think about carefully and work through. Trust and respect are super important in a relationship, so it's crucial to figure this out.

His behavior may make you question his loyalty and respect for you, but you know what? You can overcome this!

Let's think about it together! Have you discussed this with him? I'm sure he'll be willing to talk about it with you. It's so important to understand each other! How does he view his previous behavior?

Has he given you a satisfactory explanation and promise?

How much does this question affect you? You can do this! You can let go of this knot and continue to be with him.

If not, I'm excited to hear if you're willing to try some ways to relieve your anxiety and unease!

Have you thought about what impact this problem will have on your future if it persists? Are you ready to take such a risk?

A sense of boundaries in love is all about loyalty and exclusivity in one's feelings for the other person. It's so important to express our love and commitment clearly and hold fast to these promises!

Think about it and try to communicate with him. Love is a matter for two people, and it requires joint efforts and dedication from both sides—and it's worth it!

If you feel that he is someone you can trust and rely on, then you should definitely give him a chance! You might just find that you can trust and forgive. However, if you feel that his actions have touched your bottom line, then you should also bravely make your own choice.

My boyfriend sent his ex-girlfriend intimate messages like "XOXO" even though she was married after they broke up and got married. This was before we started dating.

First, I need to know when you found out about this. Was it before or after the relationship?

If you knew your boyfriend had done this before you fell in love, it means you didn't mind. You entered into a relationship because there were other more exciting parts that made it possible to ignore this bad point.

If you can't accept it now, think about why you felt that way at the beginning. Did this change after you fell in love?

Another part is that we only learned about this behavior after we confirmed the relationship.

There are two parts to this. One is that he did this when he was single before. The other is that he is still like this after he got out of a relationship.

If it's the former, then he is still attached to his ex, and his ex also did not handle the problems of the previous relationship and marriage well.

If it's the latter, you're not only dealing with the first two problems, but you're also stuck with a boyfriend who can't handle a relationship.

I want to know if I can choose to continue with such a person. This is a hurdle in my heart, and I'm going to overcome it.

You mentioned the word "obstacle" in relation to this question. I'm assuming you're referring to something that happened once before the relationship. Is that correct?

If it was just that one time and it happened before the relationship, then it's not a big deal. My boyfriend didn't betray us or play with two women.

He's ambiguous about his relationship with his ex. The current husband of the boyfriend's ex needs to be more aware of this.

We must let go of this matter that has nothing to do with us. We didn't care that he was in a relationship with that girl, so why would we care about a text message? We're causing ourselves unnecessary internal conflict. The three people involved aren't affected.

If it happens more than once, especially after we fall in love and it still exists,

This situation is related to us.

We mind that our boyfriend does not have a sense of boundaries when communicating with the opposite sex.

You can raise this feeling with your partner. For example, we have never said that our boyfriend may not know. You may think that although you know about it, you don't mind, or you may think that my girlfriend is quite generous and will give me room to make friends. You may even not realize that there is a problem with his communication (because they have always communicated in this way before and are used to it, so they don't react to it as inappropriate).

Then there's the issue of communication.

The second thing you need to do is remind him that this way of communicating is inappropriate.

The second step is to get a side view and see the boyfriend's attitude. Is he aware of his inappropriate behavior? Does he think it's not important? Is he still hung up on the old relationship? We can make subsequent judgments based on his attitude.

My boyfriend will change if he realizes he's being inappropriate. We also understand that he's blind to his own situation, so we'll give him room to correct his behavior.

If my boyfriend thinks we're making a big deal out of nothing and doesn't think it's wrong, we can give him examples.

"For example, if our opposite-sex friend sends a 'XOXO' when he knows that we have a boyfriend, he'll either think we're making a big deal out of nothing or that he's being a little jealous."

If verbal examples are ineffective, we can also remove the help of friends and show the boyfriend how he interacts with his ex-girlfriend. This will make him realize that his behavior is inappropriate towards his partner and disrespectful towards the ex's current boyfriend.

If the contact is selfish, as in the case of the boyfriend, or if there is a possibility of "bad character," and if you feel that this is fine, and if you do not know how to measure up or to empathize with the feelings of others, you must consider whether it is necessary to maintain the relationship in light of your own views on marriage and love.

One contact is not a problem. If it happens multiple times, or if the motives are not pure, you must understand the situation from the other person's perspective and communicate with them directly to resolve the problem.

I am confident that through observation and exploration, you will get to know your partner better and find an appropriate way to deal with it.

Hello, question asker. I can see you're feeling confused, and I'm here to support you!

I think it would be really helpful for you to try to separate the subject.

We only need to know three things in life, my dear friend: our own business, other people's business, and the will of heaven.

I just wanted to let you know that the above ideas come from the book A Change of Heart.

I just wanted to check with you whether it's possible that before he fell in love with you, your boyfriend was still in touch with his ex-girlfriend.

But there's no need to worry, there's no "after"!

I think there's a good chance that the boyfriend is still feeling something for his ex-girlfriend. In psychology, this is called an "unfinished event."

If that's the case, then his communication with his ex-girlfriend is probably a thing of the past.

We all have our own past, after all.

When you started dating him, I'm sure you knew you'd have to accept his past.

However, if you feel that having contact with your ex-girlfriend is a bit of a barrier in your heart, I really think you should have a chat with your boyfriend.

It's always best to talk to him in person about these things. That way, you can avoid any unnecessary internal conflict.

I really hope the problem you're having gets solved soon.

I just wanted to say that all I can think of now is the above.

I really hope my answer helps and inspires you, the questioner. I'm the answerer, and I study hard every day.

Here at Yixinli, the world and I love you! Wishing you the best!

Take care!