Should I get a divorce or not? It's very painful, but I'm undecided, what should I do?

You've been married for 21 years, but it doesn't make you happy. You and your husband don't talk much, and your children are grown. You've prepared a house and car for him.

Maybe you don't feel loved. You're tired of your life. You're torn between divorce and not divorcing. I can see you're struggling.

Let me give you a hug.

The real issue is not whether you should get a divorce, but what kind of life you want.

What made you post now?

You and your husband used to mind your own business, but you had children. Now that your children have grown up, you and your husband are the only ones left at home. You wonder whether this life is meaningful and whether you should continue.

The marriage model has lasted a long time, and it is hard to change. The key is your thoughts about the future: who am I, where did I come from, and where am I going?

Make a list of what you think about divorce and what you think about not getting a divorce. Think about how you will live after a divorce. Think about what problems you might have. Think about ways to make yourself happier.

I'm Tianyang, a heart coach. Good luck!

Hello, question asker! I'm June Lai Feng.

From what you've told me, it's clear that you're facing a tough situation. Divorce is a big decision that requires careful thought.

You say it's been going on for more than two years, so you must have gone through a lot of struggle and conflict during that time. I can especially understand how you feel at this moment.

You might feel a bit reluctant, maybe because you still have some good memories of each other, or because you're worried about how divorce will affect your kids. Whatever you decide, it's important to take care of your own happiness and health.

Right now, there are some big differences between you and your spouse when it comes to emotions, habits, and philosophies, and the marriage isn't in a great place.

Feeling tired of life and torn between divorce and not is pretty common, especially when you're facing a big decision. You might feel pain because this ambivalence reflects inner conflict and uncertainty.

Since marriage might not be making you happy, it's providing a sense of familiarity and security. Divorce means a big change in your life, and it can be scary to think about.

The caravan and other material preparations may represent your investment in a stable life. Divorce may affect this material foundation and the quality of life.

You might also be concerned about how divorce will affect your children and whether changing their living situation is beneficial for their development.

Even though you're not happy in the marriage, you may have formed a strong emotional bond over time. This attachment can exist even in unhappy relationships.

No matter what you do, your own happiness and well-being should be your top priority. Find what makes you happy and satisfied.

First, take some time to think about what you really want and need from this marriage. Ask yourself if you still have any expectations or hopes for the future.

Do you still have the capacity to care for, support, and understand each other? Think about whether you still love, respect, and care for each other.

Think about whether you're willing and able to work together to solve problems and whether you're ready and able to improve your marriage. If there's no longer any affection between you, or if the relationship has become very tense and unhealthy, then divorce may be an option to consider.

Second, talk to your husband and be open about your feelings and needs to see if you can work through the problem together or if you need to consider other options. If you can resolve the issue, you might be able to improve your relationship through communication and effort.

It's also important to think about how this is affecting your kids. Talk to them, try to understand their feelings, and do your best to limit the impact on them.

Then, try to maintain a degree of independence in your life. It's important to recognize that your self-identity and your marital identity are not mutually exclusive. They can actually complement each other. You can strengthen your sense of inner worth through self-affirmation. And you shouldn't completely depend on your marital status for your self-worth.

Finally, think about how you're going to feel in the long run and what you want for the future.

Making changes always comes with challenges, but in the long run, it's important to choose the path that's right for you.

In short, listen to your gut, feel good about yourself, respect your feelings and needs, and trust your ability to make the right decision. Whatever your final decision is, take responsibility for your choice and work to make yourself better.

I just wanted to say that I love you and I wish you happiness!

Hello, I'm Coach Fei Yun. Life is a beautiful journey, and it's so important to appreciate and embrace all the wonderful things it has to offer.

It's clear that you're feeling lonely and unsure about your marriage. It's been two years now, and you're still torn between wanting a divorce and not wanting one. Your partner is set on not divorcing, and you're holding on to things you're not ready to let go of. Let's take a look:

?1. "The tears that are flowing now are all the water that got into my head back then."

Someone once made a joke about the challenges of marriage, and there's some truth to it when you think about it.

It's like your marriage, you got married after just one week of knowing each other! Back then, you were both young and ignorant, lacking social experience. Without much consideration or investigation, you hastily entered into marriage, started a family, and had children.

Even if everything seems to be going well according to the usual rhythm—meeting (and falling in love), marriage, having children, and 20+ years of marriage—such a marriage and family may not bring you the happiness and warmth you're looking for.

I could really feel from the text that you have almost no relationship apart from being the child's parents. It's so sad that you're apart for 365 days a year, there's no emotional communication, and even the most basic sexual needs cannot be met.

Maslow's hierarchy of needs theory says that we all want to get different levels of satisfaction from our needs, from the physical to the mental to the emotional.

I watched "Forever Young" again yesterday, and I was so moved by the way the couple Xu Boshang and Liu Shufen got along. In the end, Liu Shufen jumped into a well in despair, even though her heart had already died long ago. "You made me feel like the worst person in the world," which expresses her sadness.

I don't know why you've ended up here, but I'm sure there's a reason. Maybe it was always this way, or maybe something happened along the way that made you feel this way. Either way, you can only look back and find the root cause.

There are some reasons for this in the relationship, too. He's introverted and even a bit isolated (he prefers to be alone), and he has few desires. Could his parents' situation and his career also have an impact? At the same time, there's your responsibility, too. Everyone is capable, and the responsibility here emphasizes the ability to change the outcome.

2. You need to be able to make decisions for yourself.

It's been two years now, and you've been unable to leave him. But you should have discovered the problems in your marriage soon after you got married. What exactly are you reluctant to give up?

On the one hand, there's the "sunk cost" at work: you're already married, so just get on with it; you have kids, so just get by; your kids are all grown up, so just let it go...

You've been through a lot, my friend. You've been in this marriage without happiness for more than 20 years, and you've been surviving this "self-hypnosis" and "self-comfort" for a long time. It's no wonder you've been bearing a lot of moral condemnation.

Another thing that makes you reluctant to let go of this marriage is the sense of "reliance." It's like a home: even if it's a little run-down, it's still a home that can protect you from the wind and rain.

(1) You also work, and he gives you "only" 5,000 yuan a month. He earns 150,000 yuan a year, which is equivalent to 12,500 yuan a month, or nearly half of your income.

You're not lacking in money, and you don't need more money. What you want is a guarantee in the marriage and a sense of security.

(2) It would be really lovely if he cared about or visited your parents more often. It's also a shame that you don't have a closer connection with them.

All you want is for your parents to approve of your marriage and your choice of partner.

My dear, if you truly want a divorce, you can absolutely do well in the future. You're still young and attractive, and your children are already grown up, so you don't have to worry about affecting their college entrance exams. Plus, you have the ability to earn money.

You're like a young elephant with its legs tied at the zoo, unable to break free. But now that you're an adult, you can completely change the situation!

I just wanted to remind you of something really important. What were the reasons for your marriage in the first place? If it was external factors such as the other person's work and earning ability, then it is already an "unreasonable expectation" for you to ask him to be gentle and considerate, romantic and lovable.

I want to say, look back at your past together and ask your heart if you are really sure you want a divorce or if you want to change your current marital status (mode). I really hope this helps!

If you're looking for more than just a divorce, I'm here to help.

I really hope this helps. I love you, and so does the world.

If you'd like to keep in touch, you can follow my personal homepage, "Heart Exploration Service."

Hello. You and your husband have become strangers. You are married, parents, and have a shared living space. But your husband is away a lot, and you have financial ties, but you are drifting apart.

You want to leave this marriage, but you've been struggling for two years and can't decide. Procrastinating is painful and confusing.

In my work, I often see people who find it hard to leave a painful relationship. There are many reasons for this, but some common psychological factors.

For example, you might think that any relationship is better than no relationship at all. You might be unhappy in your relationship, but you're more used to it than being single. This makes you feel more secure. Think about whether you're also afraid of divorce. Think about what makes you feel uneasy about being single.

What about other people's opinions? Frustration and shame from a failed marriage?

Is it financial insecurity? Or something else?

Your indecision may also be related to your lack of certainty about what you want. Do you want to get away from the status quo? Do you have a clear idea of what kind of life you want to lead in the future?

A single "want" may not be enough to motivate a divorce. If you know what you want, you'll know if you should stay married.

21 years of marriage is half of your life. It's not easy to change your marital status.

Think about who you are, who you want to be, and what you want from life. See if you can get some new inspiration.

Hello, I'm Bai Li Yina. I hope my response helps.

The questioner has been married for 21 years. Apart from their children, it seems that she and her husband lead separate lives. Her husband has no feelings for her or their family. He is always away, neglecting the children. She is tired of this cold life, but she is reluctant to divorce. What should she do to escape the pain of indecision?

[Situation analysis]

Your spiritual life was bleak. You had an indifferent and inconsiderate husband. Marriage was just a piece of paper, and having a child was the only proof that you were married. You lived like a single mother, and you bore this alone for 21 years. It really wasn't easy. Here's a warm hug for you. Let's look at the reasons for your suffering:

1. Marriage is lonely and indifferent.

2. You want to change, but you're worried about what comes next.

3. You don't expect anything from your husband after 21 years.

[Questions for reflection]

1. You got married after a week of dating. What did you expect? When did you start to feel disappointed?

2. After 21 years of marriage, you are used to the pattern. Even infidelity cannot break the marriage. Why did you think you had to divorce?

3. What do you want your life to be like after the divorce? Have you planned what you want to do after the divorce?

4. Why do you curse him so much? Do you expect him to care for you as a husband should?

Do you want him to be a good son-in-law? Would you still want a divorce if he changed?

5. He doesn't agree to divorce because this marriage may not be what you want. What kind of marriage does he need? Is it the way it is now?

[Recommended method]

Hatred is born out of love. You have always emphasized your husband's indifference, sleeping in separate rooms, cheating, pretending, getting used to going it alone, never communicating, and always fighting. These are reasons for you to hate him. If you didn't care, you would curse him to have a plane crash. Just because you curse doesn't mean you don't care.

You hate that he doesn't care about you, communicate with you, visit your family, or fulfill his responsibilities as a husband and father.

1. Find the marriage you want and write it down. Which difference matters most?

2. List the things and people in this marriage you care about.

3. If you want a divorce but your spouse doesn't, have you talked to anyone about it? If not, why not?

4. If you never see your husband again, will your life be happy? What's the difference between now and your husband, who is on a business trip 300 days a year?

The answer is inside you. Everyone's guesses are just guesses. You know why you don't want to get a divorce. It could be because you don't want to change, you're afraid of the future, you're afraid of your children, or you're afraid of changes to your life. But an important reason is that you haven't reached your pain threshold, so you don't want to do whatever it takes to get a divorce.

If you're determined to get a divorce, it means the pain has made you give up everything.

I hope these methods help you.

Change takes time. Don't worry. Many people have been through this.

The world and I are with you. You are not alone. I wish you peace.

Thanks to those who liked and responded to me. I wish you peace and joy.

1. Look at the current situation.

Your description of this marital status includes poor communication, lack of care and companionship, and sexual disharmony. These have led to indifference and alienation between the couple. Over time, the lack of emotional communication and support in the marriage has weakened the bond between the couple.

Both spouses may have work and life pressures that prevent them from maintaining their marriage, causing emotional emptiness and loneliness.

Many middle-aged people are in similar marriages. As they get older and have more kids, they focus on their careers and kids, and forget about their own needs.

Over time, passion in a marriage may fade and be replaced by a sense of family and understanding. However, if problems like poor communication, lack of care, and sexual disharmony persist, the marriage may drift towards a state of indifference.

Middle-aged marriages often involve more responsibilities and expectations. Couples may sacrifice their personal needs for the sake of their family and children. In these marriages, relationships are often based on responsibilities and habits, not emotional connection.

As life gets more stressful, couples may start to argue, which affects their emotional wellbeing.

This marital status is similar to that of most middle-aged people, with problems such as a lack of communication, concern, and sexual harmony. In middle age, couples need more understanding, support, and companionship to work through challenges and maintain a good relationship.

Knowing yourself

Women in their 40s may realize that divorce doesn't guarantee happiness. This makes it hard to decide because you have to weigh the uncertainty of divorce against the change in expectations.

The couple can talk about what they want from life and if they can get it.

The husband should express his desire for change and what he thinks divorce may bring. He should also understand his wife's thoughts and listen to her expectations.

Both spouses should communicate honestly, respect each other's wishes and choices, and work together to find a balance between marriage and personal pursuits. You may also consider marriage counseling or psychological counseling to help you understand each other's needs and make informed decisions.

3. Future suggestions

Repairing a relationship requires the efforts of both partners. Here are some suggestions to help couples communicate and understand each other better.

1. Learn to listen and respect each other. Set aside time to talk.

2. Understand each other better. Talk about your lives together.

3. Find common interests. Do activities or hobbies you both enjoy. This can help you communicate better and strengthen your bond.

Respect each other's space. Everyone needs space. Couples should respect each other's space and avoid over-dependence or interference.

5. Solving problems: When problems arise, couples should try to solve them together. They can ask for help from a marriage counselor if needed.

6. Stay positive. It's important to believe you can overcome difficulties together and move towards a better future.

These tips can help couples improve their relationship, feel better, and manage their lives better. Both people in the relationship must work together to repair it.

Dear questioner, I can totally relate to your situation, and I really hope my reply can help you out!

Your child has already gone to university, the family finances are not bad, and your husband is away for most of the year. You've been putting up with these days for two years, and I don't know how you've done it!

It's not a divorce, and it's not a separation either. Your husband refuses to agree to a divorce no matter what you say, and even if you do separate, he basically won't compensate you. Even though there are three houses, none of them are in your name. After all these years, you've done your fair share, even if you haven't received any credit. It's too hard, sweetheart.

It's okay to not know what you're clinging to. It's okay to not want to live like this anymore. Ask yourself what you want. If you separate, what are your plans? A man either gives you financial support or emotional value. You want both. What advantages do you have?

It seems like you don't usually communicate with each other, and whenever you do, you argue. This is also a link, just a different way. I'd love to hear more about your mode of communication with others, and how your husband communicates with others. This is something you need to explore.

You're on the road for work 300 days a year. Do you thank your husband for all he does for the family? He needs some love. You're feeling lonely. Your husband is the same. He's working hard in a different city, without companionship or support. How can he face the pressure from life and work? Your family's financial situation is already very good. Your husband hasn't taken it easy and is still struggling. What motivates him to work hard?

You can also communicate well, weigh the pros and cons, and if you can't continue, you can completely get back your legal rights. It's a good break-up, after all. There are still children, and communication will be needed in the future, so you'll be ready for that!

Follow your heart, be kind to yourself, and don't be hard on yourself. You deserve a good life!

I really hope things work out for you!

Hello, I'm happy to answer your question. I hope you find my suggestions helpful.

There are two levels to this situation.

One thing we can do is take the time to think about our views on marriage and love. We can do this on our own or with the help of a psychologist.

The second thing we need to think about is what to do about the marriage. We'll probably need a lawyer to help us understand the legal stuff and make sure we're protected if we do end up going down this road. Child custody is also a big issue.

We can also think about what we want to do in the here and now.

For instance, looking at your current life as a couple, it's basically the same as being single. You're both away from home more than 300 days a year, and you don't have sex. It's basically the same as living alone—you each have your own lives. So what makes you want a divorce? Or do you think that after the divorce, things will be different? You're basically the same as if you were divorced, except for that piece of paper. So we need to think about what our future life plan is like.

For instance, if we're planning to get married in the future, we'll need to be single first, so we'll have to get divorced.

Or we just want to be free, to feel liberated from the bottom of our hearts, and in this state we will no longer have expectations of our partner.

For instance, if he doesn't visit his father-in-law while they're married, it makes him uncomfortable. But if they're divorced, it seems perfectly normal for him not to visit his father-in-law, and it makes sense. Neither he nor his family will be unhappy, and he'll be able to relax.

And so on. Let's figure this out. Why do we want to end a marriage that's already effectively over? Once we know why, we can deal with it.

For instance, after everything is sorted out, you might realize that getting a divorce isn't really necessary. You might decide to stick with the status quo for financial reasons or for the sake of the kids, and just live your life as it is.

Or, if you decide after sorting things out that you want a divorce and to end the relationship, you can find your reasons for divorce, communicate with your partner again, and let them know your ideas and reasons. Then, you can use legal means to achieve your goal of getting a divorce.

I hope that through some self-reflection or with the help of a professional, you can learn to manage your emotions better and find a way of living that suits you.

I love you, world!

Firstly, I appreciate that you are experiencing a great deal of distress and uncertainty at this time. The lack of satisfaction and inner turmoil within your marriage have left you feeling exhausted and helpless.

It should be noted, however, that divorce is not a decision to be taken lightly and requires careful consideration and decision-making.

Prior to making the decision to divorce, it may be beneficial to communicate with your husband in an open and honest manner. This could help him to understand your feelings and thoughts regarding the marriage, and may also help you to gain insight into his own experiences and challenges.

Effective communication enables mutual understanding of thoughts and feelings, facilitating problem-solving.

If communication is ineffective or has been attempted on numerous occasions with no improvement in the relationship, then divorce may be a viable option. Prior to making a decision, it is advisable to consider the following aspects:

Your financial situation: If you divorce, you will need to address the issue of asset division and living expenses. It is essential to have a clear understanding of your financial situation and future living plans to ensure that you have sufficient financial resources to support yourself and your children.

The interests of the children: Children are the most vulnerable parties in a divorce. It is imperative to consider their interests and feelings and to mitigate any potential harm.

In the event that you elect to proceed with a divorce, it is imperative that you devise a fair and equitable custody plan to guarantee that your children receive the necessary love and care.

It is important to consider the psychological impact of divorce on your well-being. It is advisable to ensure that you have sufficient psychological resilience to navigate life after divorce.

If you feel overwhelmed, we advise you to seek professional psychological counseling.

Ultimately, regardless of your decision, it is essential to conduct a thorough analysis and consider all aspects carefully. Divorce is a complex process, and it is crucial to be adequately prepared to navigate the challenges that lie ahead.

Furthermore, it is my hope that you will be able to find happiness and satisfaction in your own life and live a happy and fulfilling life.

Thank you for your inquiry.

I can discern the conflict, pain, and indecision that you are experiencing. You are contemplating divorce in your middle years due to a sense of fatigue with your current circumstances. After 21 years of marriage without an emotional connection, you may be hesitant to part ways, yet you are uncertain about what you might miss. However, you are clearly "thinking about getting a divorce," which is why you are undecided. Let us examine these issues together.

[Analysis of Realistic Factors]

With regard to the children, they have already commenced their university studies and are therefore adults, thus rendering the issue of custody moot. From a financial perspective, the divorce will have a relatively limited impact. However, from an emotional standpoint, it may have an effect on the children, for example, they will have to spend the holidays with their parents separately. Nevertheless, these effects are likely to be relatively minor.

In regard to the division of property, it is important to note that marital property is considered the joint property of a husband and wife. Therefore, each spouse has equal rights to the property held in their name, as well as equal rights to the property held in the other spouse's name. It appears that your husband is amenable to dividing the savings with you, and you may also request cash compensation for the car. However, it seems that you are not particularly motivated to fight for property. Given that you have only one son and are only 42 years old, and that you are also employed, it is understandable that you are not particularly concerned about this aspect of the divorce.

What, then, is it that you are reluctant to let go of? It would be beneficial to continue exploring this matter.

[What is being overlooked]

After 21 years of marriage, the emotional relationship between you and your husband has not developed as you had hoped. Instead, a tacit understanding of "going it alone" has emerged. There are no major conflicts, and conflicts can be avoided without communication. Furthermore, a stable and secure family has been created, and your son has been raised together. You are both in good health, and your material living conditions are satisfactory. While he has taken less care of your parents, he has not asked you to take care of his parents. It seems that you are more accustomed to this mode of coexistence and this feeling of stability, security, and freedom may be the aspect that you are reluctant to let go of.

Two years ago, you began to experience a sense of monotony, prompting you to consider implementing changes. However, it appears that you perceive the sole viable solution to be a divorce. Is this an accurate assessment?

[Your inner longing]

It is particularly important to you that your husband demonstrates greater attention to you and your parents, communicates calmly in the event of a disagreement, maintains contact when he is on a business trip, and is willing to provide financial support in addition to meeting your living expenses. You desire communication, companionship, and sexual intimacy, which primarily represent emotional needs.

With regard to the extramarital relationship, although there is no interference between the two parties, there are nevertheless moral constraints. The desire for a happy and harmonious marriage is particularly strong. It is recognised that there is little likelihood of a change in behaviour on the part of the husband, and thus divorce provides at least the possibility of finding a new partner and realising expectations of a good marriage.

The question thus arises as to whether it is possible to have the best of both worlds.

For two years, you have been in a state of indecision. However, the reality is that you have already made a choice: you are more attached to your marriage than you are willing to take the risk. This is similar to the situation you faced 21 years ago, when you chose a man who was nine years older than you and could provide you with material security, rather than choosing a young man your age.

It would be advisable to make an effort to meet your own emotional needs, as you will still have to face this problem after the divorce. The decision to divorce or not will not affect your search for your own happiness.

It is my hope that the aforementioned information is of some assistance.

I am Potato Maling, who has been in your life from its earliest stages. I am grateful for your attention.

Good morning, ladies and gentlemen. My name is Coach Yu, and I would like to discuss this topic with you.

First, we will discuss relationships and the self.

In "The Amazing Me," Chen Hai-xian posits that individuals are engaged in relationships on a continual basis and that the self is subject to change in different relationships. The thinking and behavior of an individual are often shaped not by their inherent personality, but by the relationships they are in. From this perspective, the dimension of our thinking may undergo significant transformation.

In the article, the questioner stated that she had met her husband and gotten married after a week, and that she was now seeking a divorce due to her children's age.

One might inquire as to the role one plays in a marriage. Is it, for instance, a wife who looks for other men and a husband who looks for other women?

What role does the self play in the relationship with the nuclear family? This may be exemplified by a mother who does not communicate with her husband and instead focuses her attention on childcare, or a father who is frequently absent due to business trips and appears to be indifferent to the well-being of the family and children.

What role does the self play in the relationship with the original family? To illustrate, we may consider a daughter who has not resided with her parents for over a decade and a son who maintains minimal contact with his in-laws while exhibiting strict filial obedience to his own parents.

Furthermore, it is pertinent to inquire as to the desired outcome of a marriage. Is it to pursue a solitary existence, or to engage in occasional infidelity while feigning ignorance?

What are the expectations and desires associated with a nuclear family relationship? Is the primary objective the happiness of one's son?

One might inquire as to the desires of the husband in this situation. Does he seek a life devoid of care and responsibility?

What are the expectations placed upon us by our family of origin? Is it our intention to please our parents?

Furthermore, it is important to consider the position and role that one is assuming when contemplating divorce. It is essential to ascertain whether this position and role are acceptable.

When contemplating the possibility of remaining in the relationship, it is essential to ascertain the position and role that one is assuming. It is imperative to determine whether this position and role are acceptable.

If one's actions are incongruent with one's desired behaviors, the issue is not a personal one, but rather a problem within the relationship. By understanding one's own needs from the perspective of the relationship, one can also address issues from the relationship's standpoint.

One can attempt to communicate with one's spouse, address the nature of the relationship, engage in a discussion about the relationship, express one's thoughts in an honest manner, listen to one's spouse's thoughts with care, acknowledge the current situation between each other, and communicate with the intention of understanding each other and unlocking more possibilities, while also releasing one's pent-up emotions. It is unreasonable to expect a single communication to solve the problem, given that it is the pattern of living together for so many years. Therefore, one must be patient and confident, allow oneself some time, and also allow one's spouse some time.

Furthermore, it is essential to cultivate self-love.

From the perspective of the current relationship, the decision to divorce is not the primary issue; rather, it is the state of mind towards each other that is of greater consequence. Therefore, based on the principle of separating issues, a voluntary and spontaneous choice is the optimal outcome for a healthy relationship.

It is acceptable to request assistance when confronted with a challenging situation. If the issue is causing distress, it may not be readily resolved without external support. It is beneficial to identify a trusted family member or friend who can provide positive reinforcement and guidance. If necessary, it is acceptable to seek the help of a counselor. Emotional release can be an effective method for alleviating the burden and stagnation that may result from internalized challenges.

It is also imperative to empower oneself, as any change originates from within. One may engage in activities such as immersing oneself in nature, listening to the sounds of frogs, inhaling the scents of flowers and birds, and appreciating the beauty of life, while simultaneously releasing any concerns. It is essential to maintain an open and receptive mindset, as this allows for the freedom to make informed choices.

It is recommended that the reader peruse the following text: "Amazing Me."

Good day.

Your family is a typical three-person unit, comprising you, your husband, and your son. Your family resides in the northern region and enjoys a relatively comfortable financial standing, with assets such as a house, a vehicle, and savings. You and your husband both have consistent income streams, which are not particularly low.

It seems that you have recently become interested in the possibility of divorce. I'm curious to know whether there has been something that has prompted this change of heart.

Could you please elaborate on why you chose to divorce now, as opposed to before or after? What factors have contributed to this sudden decision?

You mentioned that there is a significant age difference between you. However, it's worth noting that this was the same before you got married, about 21 years ago.

I believe this has remained consistent.

Secondly, there seems to be a lack of communication and intimacy in your relationship. He is very introverted and doesn't like to talk, and you have been sleeping in separate rooms since you got married. After marriage, you both cheated on each other, but pretended not to know. You are also used to going your own way. You never communicate when nothing is wrong, and you will definitely argue if you do speak.

It seems that there is a lack of emotional connection between them, as if they are indifferent to each other's well-being. It's unfortunate that this has not changed, and it's understandable that you've become accustomed to it.

Thirdly, there is the matter of your husband's salary distribution and attitude towards children. It would appear that you both have your own jobs, and that he only says to the children, "If there's anything, ask your mother."

I believe it would be helpful to consider that the number of business trips he takes each year has not changed, nor has his income, which is 150,000 yuan annually. Additionally, the 5,000 yuan he provides for your monthly expenses has remained consistent.

Fourth, your parents are from the south, and he is from the northeast. He is very respectful to his parents and visits them frequently. However, it seems that he has not had the opportunity to contact your parents.

It has been 21 years since you were married, and your father has not seen his son-in-law for over ten years. With the Chinese New Year approaching, I imagine you are experiencing a range of emotions, including remorse and guilt. You may be reflecting on your inability to be as filial to your parents as you would have liked and the worry you have caused them.

It seems that there are no significant disagreements between you, and neither of you is inclined to make any changes. If he were to say that he wants a divorce, it seems that he would only offer you 100,000 yuan. It's understandable that you're feeling particularly tired of your current situation, constantly wavering between the decision to divorce or not, but feeling somewhat reluctant to do so.

This situation has been ongoing for over two years, and it is undoubtedly a challenging one. Two years is a significant length of time.

It might be helpful to remember that time is a variable.

Given that time always goes forward little by little, it is perhaps understandable that our lives are also slowly consumed by time. This is indeed a value that is constantly changing.

It might be helpful to remember that there is always a time limit for everything, such as our tolerance, which will always reach its limit. Perhaps you have reached a point where you feel you can no longer continue as things stand.

I wonder if I might suggest that one reason for your wavering is the financial situation.

If you were to divorce, there is a possibility that you might lose the house. However, if you choose not to, you would be able to retain your husband's income of 5,000 yuan per month, which is almost half of his salary.

If you were to divorce, you would no longer have that.

Another factor to consider is the impact on your children. It's likely that your son is aware of the situation in your family. If he is supportive, it might give you the confidence to make the decision to divorce.

If you don't have your son's support on one hand, and on the other hand, it may have a significant impact on your son's future studies and marriage, you may be hesitant to take action.

Another reason could be the home you have. If you were to divorce, your current home might no longer feel complete and could potentially fall apart.

If you don't divorce, your home will just be an empty shell, an empty shell that doesn't give you a sense of warmth. It's still better than having nothing.

At this time, your husband is not much help, except for the 5,000 yuan. However, since this is a family or marital relationship issue, it is not simply a matter of one person, but rather a problem that involves both of you.

Despite the unfortunate turn of events, it's natural to hold on to the hope that things can improve.

It seems that you always have a glimmer of hope and a positive vision. This may be why, when you file for divorce, you want to sever the relationship or improve it.

This is something you may wish to consider for yourself first.

If you would like to improve your relationship and bring some warmth back into your home, you might consider family or couple counseling.

If you both agree, you might consider seeking family therapy from a counselor. If your husband is not ready to do so at this time, you could also go to counseling sessions alone first to do some in-depth self-exploration and gain a better understanding of your needs.

One option is to consider whether you would like to end the relationship completely. Another is to explore ways to improve the current situation between the two of you.

By asking yourself these questions, you can begin to move forward in a way that is right for you. Take the time to find the direction that is right for you and to work on yourself so that you can feel satisfied.

I believe the world and I love you, and I think you should love yourself too.