Should you tell your new friend about your divorce? What is considered your own secret?

Good morning, I am the original poster.

In your description, you indicated that you lack confidence in yourself due to your divorce, so I extend my support from a distance.

From your description, I can ascertain that you have already informed your boyfriend about your divorce and debt. In my professional opinion, these are personal matters that, although private, may affect some interests in the marriage or trust. Therefore, it is necessary to inform your boyfriend. As for your boyfriend's family, I believe there is no need to divulge this information. You may wish to consider asking your boyfriend to inform his family and observe their response.

If your boyfriend is sincere with you and your family is amenable to your relationship, then his family will also accept you. Even if they are aware of the circumstances, your boyfriend and his family will not have a different opinion of you. If your boyfriend or his family has an issue with you because of the divorce, it may be advisable to reconsider the viability of this relationship.

The decision to inform friends about the divorce is at the discretion of the individual. It is a personal choice and rests with the individual. If a friend is considered a confidant, then that friend is a true and loyal friend. In such a case, the individual may choose to inform the friend. Ultimately, the decision is up to the individual.

It is my belief that the decision to inform others of one's divorce is a personal choice. However, it is essential to have a clear understanding and positive perception of divorce. Divorce does not indicate any inherent deficiency in the individual, but rather a recognition that the relationship has reached a point where it cannot continue. It is not a reflection on the character of either party, but rather a recognition that certain issues cannot be resolved. In many cases, individuals who have not experienced divorce may appear to be thriving on the surface, but in reality, they may be facing significant challenges. As the saying goes, "Only the person who drinks the water knows whether it is cold or hot." It is crucial not to view divorce as a negative experience. With the understanding that everyone is growing and evolving, including marriage, it is essential to develop self-confidence, positive self-talk, resilience, and a commitment to self-improvement. This will ensure that those who love us will continue to do so. Believe in yourself. I wish you a happy and fulfilling life.

I hope this information is useful to you.

Hello! I'll give you a big, warm 360-degree hug!

After reading your question carefully, I realized that your problem is actually about boundaries and distance in relationships. I'm here to help!

We can group the different distances between people into a few simple categories.

The first is public distance, which is usually about 3.6 meters or more. This is a great distance for public speaking, as well as for conversations between the speaker and the audience. It's also perfect for informal occasions!

The second type is social distance, which is usually between 1.2 and 3.6 meters. This is a more formal distance in terms of etiquette, and it's often used in the workplace. It's a great way to greet people you don't see often!

The third type of personal distance is generally between 0.45 and 1.2 meters, which is close enough to touch the other person's hand, but not close enough to touch their body. This is a great distance for discussing personal issues!

The fourth type is intimate distance, which is below 0.45 meters. This is a private situation and is mostly used between couples, parents and children, and close friends.

This distance shows that public distance is not the best for talking about some things. For example, if you tell someone 3.6 meters away that you are divorced,

It's totally normal to feel a bit awkward if the other person can hear you, even if they can't see you. It's not something we're used to doing, talking about personal things from such a distance.

And, as a heads-up, social distancing isn't really suitable for talking about too personal topics.

It's often when we're close and intimate with someone that we feel comfortable having those really personal conversations.

It's so interesting how different physical distances actually represent our psychological distances! For example, we may not be comfortable with being within 0.45 meters of our boss, but we are more than happy to be more than 1 meter away.

We also love to be close to our boyfriends, and we can usually stand right next to each other.

Our bodies are very honest. If someone whose feelings are not reciprocated comes too close, we often subconsciously distance ourselves from that person to make ourselves feel more comfortable. It's totally normal!

From your question, it's clear that your boyfriend is someone you can share all your innermost thoughts with. He's someone you're close to. But because he's only your boyfriend and you're a divorced woman, you might not think he's the right person to confide in. And that's totally normal!

It's true that society still has some prejudice against divorced women.

However, if you want your relationship to last, it's a good idea to share some key information that will affect the other person's judgment. This can also be seen as a test of mutual affection. Just my two cents!

During the start-up period, you mentioned to some new friends that you were divorced and had external debts. It's totally understandable that you might feel the need to talk, get some comfort, and be seen by others. Sharing secrets can be a great way to connect with someone.

It's possible that your boundaries were crossed a lot in the past, which might have made it difficult for you to know where yours ended and other people's began.

It's possible that you're pushing people away without realizing it. You mentioned that three years after your divorce, you're still worried about what others think of you. This shows that you feel your divorce is a weakness and a failure. It's understandable if you're using this approach to push people away, but it's important to remember that you're worthy of love and acceptance.

Just tell them, "Hey, I'm a flawed, abandoned woman, but I'm doing my best."

I'm sorry, I don't have a lot of information to work with here. When you're ready to share the news with your new friends that you're divorced and in debt, how do you think they'll respond? What is your greatest desire?

It's so important to identify the psychological needs behind our behaviors. That's the only way we can find alternative behaviors that will work for us. For example, if you want to talk, you can find a counselor. If you want to push other people away, it's probably because you don't feel worthy of making new friends. Or maybe you think that women should be faithful to one partner for life, even if they are divorced, and should be labeled as "married."

It's so important to find the needs and look for alternative behaviors that can meet those needs, rather than just emphasizing your status as a divorcee.

You know, you can also talk to a counselor if you think that would help.

Hi there! I'm a counselor who is often Buddhist and sometimes says "the world and I love you."

Hello, I'm Gu Yi. I'm modest and self-effacing.

Should you share your secrets?

Everyone needs someone to share their thoughts and feelings with. This is why we have basic interpersonal relationships. But everyone has different standards and answers.

We all have secrets. Some people bare their souls because they have nothing to hide. Others are so worried about keeping their secrets that they become depressed. Some people feel there is nothing to be ashamed of. Others are afraid to face the outside world because they are poisoned by its judgment.

Everyone has their reasons for keeping secrets. We should respect personal privacy. But as long as something has happened and our relationship continues, it will be known one day.

Advice for the original poster:

Everyone makes mistakes when they're young and inexperienced. We should learn from our mistakes. The same applies to marriage. Divorce is a result and a punishment. If people are curious about your single status, just laugh it off. They're not trying to concern you. We can laugh at people in this state.

As for your unmarried boyfriend, you should tell him your true feelings if you want to be together for a long time and be happy and trust each other after marriage. Divorce is a label, but it's also a way of thinking. You should be more careful about marriage.

Marriage is different from love. Don't be untrusting in your marriage.

We should be careful about how much we share about our situation. The more open we are, the more vulnerable we become. We need friends we can trust. We shouldn't keep secrets from them. Every experience is reciprocal and worthy of acceptance.

Best wishes!

Hello, host, I hope my answer can be of some help to you.

I can sense your confusion and conflict. You genuinely want to share with people that you've divorced, but you're also uncertain about how they'll perceive you. It's been three years since the divorce, but you're still concerned about how people will perceive you if you tell them you've been divorced.

It may be helpful to consider that the issue at hand may not be whether to share your experience with others, but rather, whether you can accept yourself. The projection effect, a concept in psychology, suggests that we often project our feelings and thoughts onto others, assuming that they share the same feelings and thoughts.

In other words, if we are completely accepting of our divorce and have no criticism of ourselves, we may find that we are less concerned about the opinions and perceptions of others towards us because we have already accepted ourselves. We understand why we got divorced and respect our own choices. However, if you are critical of yourself for getting divorced, you may feel that others will also criticize you in this way, or even accuse you. In reality, this is not necessarily the case.

It would be beneficial to consider making some internal adjustments, objectively viewing our divorce, accepting ourselves, enhancing our inner strength, and gaining a sense of inner security. When we are in this state, it is less likely to cause distress whether or not we say something.

If I might make three points, I would like to do so.

It would be beneficial to consider other people's comments from a more constructive perspective. It's important to recognize that everyone has their own position and perspective, and that it's not always possible to please everyone.

It is important to recognize that different people may have varying perspectives on a given situation, and that their evaluations may differ depending on their individual positions and roles. In the context of divorce, for instance, some individuals may be more understanding, while others may have a more negative reaction. It is also possible that some may even reject the idea of divorce outright.

Given that everyone has different values, it is understandable that everyone views the world through their own lens. To illustrate this point, we can look at the example of Yi Nengjing. She has experienced not only a divorce but also the raising of children, who are now quite old. Despite these circumstances, her current husband and mother-in-law do not despise her. Instead, they have shown themselves to be very understanding and accepting of her. As a result, she is now very happy, and her previous marriage has not affected her current life. We might even say that it was precisely because of the shortcomings of her previous marriage that she was able to grow and learn how to navigate relationships more effectively, thereby realising her own value.

It is also worth noting that opinions and views on Yi Nengjing's marriage vary. This is understandable given the different positions and perspectives from which people view the situation. It is important to recognise that we cannot control other people's thoughts and evaluations. Their current values and concepts are shaped by a range of factors, including their individual growth experiences, educational backgrounds and living environments. If your actions align with their expectations, they may affirm you. However, if there is a discrepancy, they may question, criticise or even attack.

It is worth noting that regardless of one's personal attributes, marital status, or other circumstances, there will always be individuals who hold positive or negative sentiments towards us. It may, therefore, be beneficial to consider investing time in relationships with those who can offer acceptance, understanding, and support.

In such a relationship, you can express yourself honestly without worrying about being criticized or blamed. This kind of relationship nourishes you.

2. It is important to remember that being divorced and having external debts does not define a person's character.

In today's society, divorce is a relatively common occurrence, and this is related to the development of our entire era. However, it is worth noting that many people do not experience negative emotions after getting divorced. They are able to continue living their lives and find new sources of excitement.

For example, many celebrities have divorced, but they still appear to be living well and still in the public eye. The author of "Meet the Unknown Self," Zhang Defen, also divorced, but she became more and more determined because of her repeated setbacks in marriage, constantly exploring herself and the reasons for her divorce. It is precisely because of this that she has become a well-known psychology author.

It is important to remember that being divorced and having external debts does not define us as individuals. Our entire life is broad and has infinite possibilities. We can learn from the experiences of others who have faced similar challenges. For instance, after her divorce, Yi Nengjing was still able to find her own happiness again. Similarly, Luo Yonghao, despite having so many external debts, has used them as motivation to excel in his work. While paying off his debts, he has also improved his abilities and influenced many people.

Perhaps it would be helpful to consider a different perspective. Instead of associating divorce and external debt with self-negation, we could try facing the problem, finding a solution, identifying what we can do now, and exploring ways to improve. It might also be beneficial to take action and work towards becoming a person who is satisfied with themselves.

I would like to revisit the projection effect I mentioned earlier. If you are happy with yourself, it is likely that you will also feel that other people are happy with you. Even if there are people who are not happy with you, you may find that you are less affected by their opinions because you are content with yourself and your situation.

3. While marrying an unmarried man may not inherently pose a risk, it is essential to learn to manage intimacy and to seek out a compatible partner.

I would like to revisit the case of Yi Nengjing. Her current husband, Qin Hao, has never been married before. Despite this, he pursued her, understood her, and loved her, even after learning that she had been married and had children. This suggests that if we truly want to marry an unmarried man, there is no inherent problem with doing so. However, it is crucial to ensure that he is able to accept you, understand you, and love you after learning that you have been married. Only then can we hope for a long-lasting relationship.

If you married him while hiding the fact that you were already married, it's difficult to say. It's important to believe that even if you've been married before, you're still worthy of love and a happy marriage. It's not always easy to find someone who's never been married before.

It would be beneficial to consider that intimacy can be made more stable and long-lasting by learning and growing, and by developing an understanding of how to manage intimacy. Reading books or taking courses on intimacy management could be a helpful way to achieve this. It is my belief that doing so would allow you to embrace happiness and create a beautiful marriage.

I wish you the best!

Hi, I'm Strawberry.

Divorce doesn't define a person. It's about two people who aren't right for each other spending time together and realizing it. They chose to separate.

The questioner has a boyfriend. Does he know about her past relationships? If he doesn't care, it means he's reasonable. Everyone has a past, and if two people are attracted to each other, they'll see the good in each other.

The questioner told her friends about her past because she didn't want them to think she had secrets. Some things don't need to be mentioned, because mentioning them too often makes people think you haven't let go of the past. She told her friends the truth about her situation so they would know her current state of mind. She is straightforward.

Should you tell your new friends about your divorce? What is your secret?

From honesty to fear.

The questioner thinks friends should share all the facts so they won't be accused of lying later. This has nothing to do with lying or not lying. Everyone has secrets, and friendships are different. Some people we treat sincerely, but no one can guess the other person's thoughts. Be cautious. Being too honest can sometimes hurt you.

The questioner will tell her friends about her situation, but she asks if she should tell her boyfriend's family that she has been divorced if she goes to meet them. She is hesitant.

You care about how his family views you. You are afraid to tell them the truth. You are afraid that they will not accept you. Your attitude is different between friends and his family.

Communication and discussion help you find answers.

If you care about it, getting an answer can help you feel better. Everyone has reasons for getting divorced. Your boyfriend choosing you shows he wants to cherish you and see your good points.

Ask your boyfriend when he last spoke to his family about you. Listen to him and you'll understand where he places you in the conversation.

After a failed marriage, I believe the questioner will find a better way to get along with others and will know how to cherish a partner who loves them. Your sincere treatment will make him want to give you a future. Therefore, it is important to find out whether he has mentioned this to his family.

Find ways to feel safe.

Telling others can help you feel safe, but it might not be as helpful as you think. You might be afraid of what others will think.

Accepting that you are divorced is normal. In the past, people thought getting divorced was shameful. Accepting your divorce is a way of loving yourself.

The question owner can learn to be more confident. When you are confident, you can also feel secure, stick to your hobbies, make the most of your strengths, make more positive friends, and slowly become a better person.

I hope this helps.

Hello! The questioner asked at the beginning whether marrying an unmarried man is a risk.

This sentence shows me that you're feeling a little insecure, but I'm here to help! It seems like you're worried that the other person is unmarried and you are divorced. This can make you feel insecure and give you no sense of control, but I'm here to tell you that you can overcome this!

You're excited to meet his family and see how they'll react to your past romantic experiences. You're also curious to see if they'll accept your past. Overall, you're thrilled to be dating an unmarried man and having a relationship like this.

You said you don't know if divorce is a secret. I totally get it! You're wondering whether divorce is something you should keep private. Well, it absolutely should be part of your private life!

However, there's more to it than that! Whether you tell someone or not does not entirely depend on whether it is private.

If you think divorced women are bad, you might feel like you don't have the confidence to tell anyone, even close friends. But you can!

If you think that getting divorced is just like getting married, and that it is just an experience in your life that doesn't make you a bad person, and if you don't judge divorced women on a moral level, then I think you'll be thrilled at the idea of getting divorced! Other people's opinions won't affect you. But that doesn't mean you can't casually disclose the fact that you are divorced. It also depends on the person. It's fine to tell your friends or close relatives!

However, you will have a lot of exciting hesitation, conflict, and uncertainty about this!

First, you get to decide whether divorce is a private matter that needs to be kept confidential.

Second, you get to decide whether you want to talk about it and with whom you want to talk about your divorce.

Furthermore, you feel a great sense of relief after telling others about your divorce. You don't have to worry about people saying you cheated on them, which is a huge weight off your shoulders! On the other hand, you are worried about becoming a bargaining chip in other people's hands.

I'd love to know what's at the root of your uncertainty!

I suspect that perhaps you have never really been with yourself since childhood. You have not lived according to your feelings, nor have you made decisions based on your own ideas. But that can change! You can start living according to your feelings and making decisions based on your own ideas. When you do, you will feel your heart filling up with joy!

Maybe you've found that having others around is a great way to figure out what you can and can't do!

"Harvard University's Positive Psychology says that whether it's an intimate relationship or a friend, if you can be your true self, not just your good points, and share your untold secrets, you can have a true friend or intimate relationship." Why did you quote this passage?

Have you thought about it? I'd love to hear your thoughts!

I think, on the one hand, you used this passage to convince yourself, telling yourself, "I can tell others the truth about my divorce, even if it's not a virtue," right?

This shows that you're still processing your feelings about your divorce. It's totally normal to have mixed emotions about it. You're also concerned about how others will react. But you're ready to share your story and connect with others who have been through similar experiences.

On the other hand, it explains why you can't help but reveal the fact that you are divorced. Because "sharing a secret allows you to have true friends," perhaps this is your deep-seated expectation for building relationships!

From this, I can see your inner conflict and anxiety, so I would like to make a few points of my own!

1. Change your perception! A divorced woman is just like any other person. Stop labeling divorced women! In my opinion, a divorced woman has more experience of married life, has experienced the monotony of daily life, and has seen the prosperity of life. When she faces a new relationship, she will treat it more seriously and cherish it more because it is hard-won—and that's a good thing!

Absolutely!

2. Be aware of your feelings and thoughts, and do what you feel! Forget about other people's opinions. You're doing great!

On the contrary, what does your divorce have to do with other people? Absolutely nothing! Why should it become a subject of gossip? Because people love to gossip!

What can others do about your divorce? Absolutely nothing! This is just your over-worried imagination.

3. Read some psychology books, such as The Courage to Be Disliked and 33 Days of Love Magic, to improve yourself on a psychological level and increase your self-confidence.

4. You know, facing your boyfriend's family is inevitable. It's going to be known sooner or later. But here's the thing: if you don't accept yourself, how can you expect others to accept you?

I really hope you can be strong and confident in yourself, and face the world with pride! The world and I love you!

I'm Mingyang, and I'm here to help!

Hello! From your description, I can see that there is currently something that is troubling you. But don't worry, I'm here to help! Before discussing this issue, if you allow, I would like to give you a big hug, hoping to give you some warmth and support!

To be honest, having a history of marriage and personal debt issues are all personal and private matters in ordinary interpersonal relationships. As long as they do not involve the interests of others, you have the freedom to choose whether or not to disclose them. It's great that you don't have to "share your own unknown secrets."

? At the same time, if you are a business partner with common interests, it may be a great idea to let the other party know your financial situation. If it is a "person of interest" who may enter into marriage in the future, then telling the other party that you have been divorced is also a wonderful way to show mutual trust and care.

Now, about that question: "Speaking of being divorced, the advantage of talking about it is that I feel relieved and don't have to worry about being found out one day. But the disadvantage is that I feel like I have a weak point in his hands." Well, here's the thing: It may be necessary to first accept yourself more in order to gradually eliminate this so-called "divorce aftermath." And you know what? You can do it!

This is just my two cents, but I think you should take care of yourself!

Greetings. I am Wheat. I extend a cordial greeting.

A careful reading of your description leads to the conclusion that you still have reservations about divorce, are afraid that others will know and have a negative opinion of you, and are in debt. You are afraid that people will find out and judge you.

You are experiencing anxiety regarding these issues and are uncertain as to whether you should divulge the information to your new acquaintance.

First and foremost, it is evident that you have adopted a positive psychology perspective, which is highly commendable.

The dissolution of a marriage does not indicate that the individual in question is inherently flawed. Rather, it suggests that the marriage was not effectively managed. It is important to recognize that the responsibility for the dissolution of a marriage cannot be attributed solely to one party. It is a consequence of the incompatibility of the two individuals involved.

Secondly, it is pertinent to inquire whether the dissolution of the marriage is a matter that is being kept from others.

In the context of divorce, it is important to note that what one's friends and family know is not a secret to oneself. However, to someone who is not personally acquainted with one, such information may be perceived as equivalent to one's entire past. Consequently, it is essential to identify the optimal moment to disclose such information.

The other person's opinion is ultimately their own to determine. While the possibility of becoming a future spouse may be a factor, it is not the sole determining element.

If one does not confess and the other person discovers the truth at a later date, one will be in a more passive position. The other person may perceive that one intended to deceive them, which could lead to doubts about one's character. Men in particular may find this difficult to accept.

In conclusion, the issue of debt must be addressed.

If the amount is within your repayable range and you are capable of handling it independently, this is a matter of your own financial responsibility. There is no obligation to be so transparent with your boyfriend, unless the amount you owe is considerable and you are unable to repay it, or you have elevated expectations of your boyfriend and desire to cohabitate, in which case, you should inform him at the appropriate time. A frank admission will always be more genuine than a revelation at a later point in time.

The decision ultimately hinges on the stability of the relationship and the presence of sufficient advantages and strengths to justify your expectation of your boyfriend's financial support, which would allow him to disregard your past.

Hello, host!

I'm Li Xuan, a psychological counselor.

I'm glad you're confused. It shows you're courageous.

You need to ask yourself: is marrying an unmarried man a risk? And when you meet his family, you need to be prepared.

You should definitely mention your past relationships. You have so many worries, so many doubts, and you're still afraid, right?

Don't be afraid.

I've been in a marriage before, so I know what you're going through.

You are a person who loves learning and values self-growth. Marriage is also a business that needs

You need more experience. Talk to your boyfriend about this. You can.

Just imagine for a moment that you were him. Imagine finding out that your partner had been divorced and that you never mentioned it.

I want to know what you would feel.

True friends or close relationships are formed when you can truly be yourself.

The current situation makes it clear to others that you feel like you have a handle on someone. This feeling

It really isn't comfortable. We don't have to bare our souls to everyone.

People must define what kind of friends they are, what types of friends, and so on.

We must distinguish between our own lives and those of our friends and close relationships.

We can and should be ourselves and feel safe.

I will provide you with a different perspective!

You will recover quickly!

I will always be here for you.

Hello!

Things look different to different people.

This is about your limits. For example, you don't seem to care about love/why-not-divorce-if-the-husband-falls-in-love-with-his-close-friend-is-it-for-the-children-and-maintaining-family-unity-8786.html" target="_blank">divorce.

Then you can tell others. If you are worried that a divorce will cause you trouble at work or in your personal life, you can choose not to tell others.

Treating someone sincerely doesn't mean sharing everything with them. It means my words and body language are genuine.

You've been divorced and your boyfriend has never been married. If you marry him, is that a risk? Should you tell his family about your past marriage?

When your boyfriend falls in love with you, he falls in love with you as a person. Love is not only intimacy and passion, but also responsibility, commitment, understanding, and tolerance. You can tell your boyfriend about your past when you are dating. If he minds, there is no need to continue.

Don't mention your past marriage to your boyfriend's parents. It's up to him to tell them if he wants to. He can decide whether or not to tell them.

As the saying goes, only you know if the shoes fit.

You say you've made many friends in business. You tell them you're divorced and in debt. You do this because you feel there's a voice in your head saying it's not easy for a woman. You ask them to help you out.

You mentioned "Positive Psychology at Harvard University." Our country is different from foreign countries. Chinese people are reserved, while foreigners are straightforward. Some psychological scales designed by foreigners are not suitable for use in our country. They were revised and reformulated by our psychology field in combination with our national conditions.

Divorce and debt are not secrets in some parts of our country, but they are personal matters in Western countries. This issue goes back to the sense of boundaries and bottom lines I mentioned at the beginning. It is not only a personal issue for you, but also related to your environment and the issues you interact with.

Your divorce and debt are your problems. It's your business whether you live a good or bad life, and whether you're happy or not.

To live a colorful life, you need to be independent, confident, and self-reliant.

I'm here to guide you. I love you.

You are a positive and kind baby, and I hug you from afar.

I am Yan Shiqi, and I am certain my answer will help you.

You're right. It's your business, whether it's divorce or debt. You don't need to explain it to anyone or make it known to everyone.

Let me be clear: honesty is important for people around you who have "identity recognition." However, not everyone needs to get along like this.

When dealing with your boyfriend, you should be honest with each other about things that are your privacy and secrets, especially if you've reached the point of discussing marriage.

You don't need to tell his family everything. Even if you get married, you'll still be living together. If you involve your family too much, your marriage will deteriorate. It will become complicated, and your status will be affected.

As a woman entering into marriage, you must protect yourself.

A good marriage requires joint efforts from both parties. Love is the foundation, but it still needs to be nurtured.

The man and woman must move away from their original families and into your family. This is what marriage is.

That's my answer. I hope it helps.

My sister needs to learn how to protect herself, not to trust others too much, to protect her privacy, and to believe that if she is kind, good things will happen to her.

It appears that you are experiencing a multitude of conflicting emotions and circumstances. The question at hand is whether you should divulge this information to your new boyfriend and his family.

Is it ethical to always disclose one's truth to friends and partners without reservation? As a divorced individual, I have encountered a multitude of opinions regarding my circumstances. These opinions often appear to be in conflict with one another, which may contribute to feelings of confusion. It is evident that you are facing significant challenges.

It is recommended that you take your time, explore the situation fully, and regain your equilibrium.

[Regarding your new boyfriend]

You describe your new boyfriend as unmarried, and you appear to be somewhat apprehensive about the potential risks involved in disclosing the truth about your divorce.

It would be prudent to be forthcoming with the truth. What are the potential consequences of such an action?

The most unfavorable outcome would be that they would not accept the reality of your marital status and subsequently terminate the relationship.

One might inquire whether it is prudent to conceal the truth.

It is evident that you are apprehensive about your new boyfriend's attitude towards you. Given your positive impression of him, it is understandable that you are concerned about losing him. However, it is crucial to recognise that your relationship is destined to evolve into a deeper love if you are authentic. If your partner is unable to accept your true self, it may hinder the potential for a more profound bond to form.

It would be advisable to adopt a frank and open approach in order to facilitate a productive dialogue.

Divorce is a life choice that can be beneficial for the individual in question, rather than being perceived as a fault.

[Regarding other friends or partners]

You describe a tendency to disclose your true feelings to friends and other individuals with whom you interact in both professional and personal contexts. Following these disclosures, you experience a sense of relief. However, you subsequently engage in self-denial, questioning the rationale behind your initial disclosure.

Indeed, one might inquire as to the rationale behind the utterance in question. Additionally, it would be beneficial to understand the emotional state that preceded and followed the utterance.

– Do you perceive a sense of attachment in the eyes of others, and do you rely on this perception to some extent?

– Might it be the case that you are reluctant to become enmeshed in a web of deceit and prevarication, and that you derive a certain satisfaction from the unburdened, authentic state of being that comes with being your true self?

— Will there be a sense of defiance and motivation when one honestly expresses negative states such as divorce and debt?

I believe that, regardless of the circumstances, it would have been beneficial for you to assess the situation and speak up, which would have been advantageous for you and for those around you. Consequently, there would no longer be any need for you to deny the situation.

It seems that your concern is that your sense of boundaries will be violated and intruded upon, due to your desire to ascertain what constitutes a secret.

I posit that the act of "not harming yourself" and "being good for yourself" constitutes a defense of one's own boundaries. There is no fixed standard for events that qualify as a secret; whether something becomes a secret depends on one's own volition.

It is imperative that we defend the right to have secrets while simultaneously advocating for the right to express ourselves boldly.

[Regarding Perception]

You describe a tendency to divulge information to others and to be concerned about the potential for others to perceive you as a "divorced woman." It is evident that our perceptions of these issues require adjustment.

What is meant by the term "handle"?

It seems reasonable to posit that at least one wrongdoing has been committed.

☘️ While divorce may result from an individual's actions, it is not an inherently negative outcome. Rather, it provides an opportunity for reflection and growth, enabling individuals to regain control of their lives and achieve a sense of equilibrium.

Similarly, being in debt is not an error in and of itself; however, failing to repay it is. Should one be rejected by a potential partner due to outstanding financial obligations, it is not a reflection of a long-term compatibility. In such a scenario, the onus is on the individual to accept the consequences of their actions.

What is meant by the term "divorced woman"?

A woman who has been divorced has experienced the bittersweet nature of romantic relationships and has developed a more mature perspective on love. She is capable of appreciating the value of a committed relationship and possesses an optimistic outlook on the future. This is particularly relevant in the context of your own experience of initiating a new relationship.

☘️ Therefore, it is unnecessary to concern oneself with the opinions of others. It is advisable to disregard such comments.

One cannot alter the character of another individual, yet neither can the actions of another person diminish one's own sense of joy and happiness.

The majority of our lives are spent attempting to align our actions with our personal values and to liberate ourselves from the expectations of others.

The act of being true to oneself is a source of happiness.

Hello, landlord. I am Xing Ying, a listening therapist at One Psychology, a national level 3 psychological counselor.

You have two major problems: you are divorced and you have debts. You are hesitant about whether to tell others. Everyone considers whether to tell others about their personal matters, to whom, and to what extent. You need to decide whether to tell others.

Secrets are stressful. Sharing them builds trust and brings people closer. But if we're not careful, they can get us into trouble.

This is especially true when we have encountered some bad things.

First, we must understand our own needs. When we tell someone some of our unfavorable secrets, what are our internal motivations?

I will gain the other person's trust by letting them know more about my past experiences and showing them what kind of person I am.

One's misfortune should arouse the other person's sympathy and understanding, generate contact, and lead to recognition, attention, or concrete help.

You have to vent your stress.

By clearly stating the risks and being honest, you will give the other person a more objective view of the choices to be made, allowing them to make an informed decision. This is what we mean by "spelling out the hard facts."

Know your motives when sharing with others. They will reveal your true desires.

I will meet a lot of new friends during my entrepreneurial period. I am divorced because I am in financial difficulty and have external debts. I will also tell my friends that I have external debts. But when I think about it, why did I say that?

Understand your real motives and feelings. This helps you identify your true desires and accept and satisfy yourself.

Any motivation and desire is allowed because we are human! Once you understand your own motivations, you can distinguish between "my business," "your business," "our business," and "other people's business." This will make it clear what you should do.

I am the master of my own affairs.

Items 1 to 3 are based on my interests. We all have desires and expectations. In this case, you have the initiative in deciding whether or not to speak up, and to whom you speak. Consider your own assessment:

I will decide whether the method I choose now carries any risk to myself. I will decide whether I can bear it. (For example, if others do not approve or even have a negative effect.)

I want to satisfy these desires. I'm going to find a better way to do this.

I want to be understood, seen, or told. I can choose the right people to confide in and rely on. I can also express myself through writing and drawing.

I am obliged to inform you about matters concerning you and me.

Article 4 is about the interests of others (or us, including others). The information you're about to disclose is crucial for others to make choices, and it's related to others. This is a matter between you and me, so we have a responsibility and obligation to explain it in advance.

If you and your boyfriend are considering marriage and long-term togetherness, he needs to know about your marital history and financial situation. You should be honest and tell him. Both of you can then make an informed choice.

"I don't have to shoulder this alone."

I'm not going to mention my past relationships when I meet his family. This is a different matter because you are not going to marry his family. You will face his family together. If it weren't for him, how would you face his family?

You and your boyfriend need to face his family as "we." Discuss with him how to handle this matter together. Don't suffer alone and carry it alone.

"What other people do is none of my business."

It's been three years since my divorce, and I'm still concerned about how others will react if I tell them I've been divorced.

Forget what others say and think about you. It's none of your business, and you shouldn't care.

It's always easy to comment on others because you don't have to bear the consequences. But you know what? Whether you have a good or bad life, whether you are happy or not, no one else can suffer or enjoy for you. So, you shouldn't care what others think.

It doesn't matter what others think. You have no obligation to them, and there's no reason to keep secrets. Just be yourself.

If you're not unhappy, why get a divorce? You've already gone through the pain of a divorce and have finally moved on. This is your choice, so don't let other people's comments affect you. Be carefree.

Finally, I want to discuss the following sentence from your article:

Harvard University's Positive Psychology states that if you can be true to yourself and share your secrets, you can have true friends or close relationships.

You must be true to yourself. This means seeing your true thoughts and desires, making free choices, and being willing to bear the consequences alone.

The emphasis is on "can" rather than "must." Here, "can" means making choices freely according to your own wishes.

As long as we can see our true desires, distinguish between "you, me, and him," and are willing to accept the consequences of our choices, we can be free to be ourselves and enjoy our lives. The world and I love you.

Dear Sir/Madam, Thank you for your question. I have read extensively on the subject of psychology, and it is evident that you have a keen interest in the field as well. Your reading list includes "Positive Psychology at Harvard University," which demonstrates your familiarity with the subject. It is understandable that being divorced may be a sensitive topic, particularly given the social perceptions surrounding it. It is natural to feel some apprehension about disclosing this information to others, as it can be perceived as a personal matter.

Simultaneously, financial obligations and similar concerns appear to exert a detrimental influence on one's sense of self. Nevertheless, you aspire to embody a genuine individual, and this initial stance is undoubtedly commendable. You are a person of integrity who feels compelled to reveal your authentic self to your friends.

It is possible that some confusion persists. Occasionally, after reading books and learning certain truths, individuals may become even more perplexed when confronted with conflicting ideas and the apparent incompatibility of certain concepts when applied in practice. It would be beneficial to engage in a discussion of my own views on this matter: should we divulge our secrets to others, or is it preferable to reserve them for ourselves?

It is reasonable to maintain a degree of privacy and discretion in one's personal affairs. It is not necessary or beneficial to divulge every detail of one's life to one's friends. It is, therefore, prudent to maintain a certain degree of mystery and reserve. It would be peculiar and potentially uncomfortable if one's friends were privy to every aspect of one's life.

There are certain aspects of one's life that can be discussed with friends and others that should remain private. It is not necessary to divulge all information to one's friends; there is no discernible benefit to doing so. Furthermore, maintaining secrets can enhance feelings of security. It is possible to keep one's own secrets, but it is important to limit the number of secrets one keeps, as doing so can lead to significant psychological distress.

In essence, our focus is on the minutiae of life, and there are few significant events. For instance, if friends inquire about a divorce, one can simply smile and decline to answer. There is no obligation to divulge personal matters, and they will likely comprehend. Over time, as the relationship improves, one's typical interactions will gradually reveal the truth. Friendship can be classified into two categories: ordinary and close. Ordinary friends are those with whom we have a more superficial connection, and if we can develop a close friendship, we can openly discuss personal matters. This level of intimacy is exclusive to close friends. However, even close friends may maintain some secrets. This dynamic may intrigue friends and enhance one's appeal.

If one feels that a statement one has made is embarrassing, it is advisable to trust one's instincts. It is acceptable to refrain from discussing the matter further. There is no inherent problem in maintaining a lack of communication if one does not frequently interact with the individual in question. For instance, if the individual is a close friend, one may choose to divulge the information. However, it is unlikely that one will have such a close relationship with many individuals. In the case of ordinary friends, it is possible to maintain confidentiality. One may choose to smile and ignore the situation, or to avoid answering the question altogether. Firstly, the relationship may not be sufficiently close to warrant such an admission. Secondly, it is not appropriate to assert that one has the right to remain silent. If one feels that a statement one has made is embarrassing, it is advisable to trust one's instincts. It is acceptable to refrain from discussing the matter further. There is no inherent problem in maintaining a lack of communication if one does not frequently interact with the individual in question. For instance, if the individual is a close friend, one may choose to divulge the information. However, it is unlikely that one will have such a close relationship with many individuals. In the case of ordinary friends, it is possible to maintain confidentiality. One may choose to smile and ignore the situation, or to avoid answering the question altogether. Firstly, the relationship may not be sufficiently close to warrant such an admission. Secondly, it is not appropriate to assert that one has the right to remain silent.

It is essential to be authentic. The decision to disclose or withhold information depends on the nature of the relationship. For instance, if the individual is a close friend, there may be a greater level of trust and openness. Conversely, if the individual is not well-acquainted or not in a close relationship, there may be a tendency to maintain confidentiality. Secrets, if kept, are a form of freedom. However, it is crucial to consider the circumstances and the individual in question. For example, if one has a romantic partner, it is advisable to choose an appropriate time and manner to disclose the information. It is inevitable that the individual will eventually become aware of the secret. The decision to share information is a personal one. It is important to recognize that the choice to share or withhold information is a reflection of the individual's perception of the relationship and their level of trust. It is essential to maintain a positive outlook and wish the individual well. The decision to share or withhold information is a personal one. It is important to recognize that the choice to share or withhold information is a reflection of the individual's perception of the relationship and their level of trust.