Shy, inferior, with low self-awareness, can one ever reconcile with their original family?

Understanding Emptiness Analysis:

I'm sorry to hear about the negative impact of your family environment. Family can have a big effect on personal growth.

You are distressed and troubled by your family situation.

When facing a dilemma, pay attention to your feelings and needs. Get help. Here are some suggestions to help you cope:

Seek counseling.

Seek professional counseling to talk about your pain and confusion.

Know who you are.

Explore yourself and build a healthy identity. Accept and value yourself.

Set healthy boundaries.

Set limits when you're with your family. Protect your rights and don't let others control you.

Get support.

Find people you can talk to about your feelings and get support from.

Self-growth:

Keep learning, growing, and broadening your horizons.

Believe in yourself. You can change your situation, get out of trouble, and pursue happiness and growth. Find a method and strategy that suits you. Develop a positive and healthy attitude towards life.

Hello! I really hope my answer can help you feel better.

I can feel your anger in your short message, and I admire you for pursuing a better life for yourself. You deserve a better life, and I'm excited to see what the future holds for you. Your positive attitude towards life is inspiring!

This idea alone will support you in living the life you want, and the future will get better and better!

Everyone has to deal with their family of origin, no matter what it is like, whether it is rich or poor, whether it is loving or indifferent. This will have an impact on the person growing up, but it is not the end of the story! Everyone's starting point in life is like the factory settings. Unfortunately, you can't decide for yourself, but these factory settings will definitely bring you both benefits and disadvantages. Don't dwell on the bad things that the past has brought you, because you can choose to focus on the good things instead!

We don't have to treat our parents in the same way as traditional culture does. We can see them as completely independent individuals, which is a great thing! As you said, you are independent, and you can get away from them if you want to. We can stay away from people who bring us no positive energy, which is a wonderful thing to be able to do. You can explore your life with courage and confidence!

There's absolutely no need to argue with your parents or try to change them! This will only increase your own worries and their anger. Everyone has their own life, and it's a great thing to live yours well. There's no need to get tangled up in traditional parent-child relationships!

And finally, I want to tell you something really exciting! In 30 years, and in 30 years' time, your life is going to change in amazing ways. You'll be able to move on from your original family and start living your life for yourself. Believe in yourself!

I hope my answer helps you.

You feel it: you are full of resentment and hatred towards your parents. You feel that they should not control you, they should not overprotect you, and they should show you the world. They are not like that. The real them is just poor, they are just controlling, and they are just overprotecting you. They think this is their love for you. Now that you are financially independent, your hatred for them is getting deeper and deeper. You no longer listen to them, but they say you are an unfilial daughter. Does your parents' denial and lack of understanding make you hate them even more? You feel that this state you are in is all because of them. But can hating them and never reconciling with them bring you true relief and happiness?

I advise you to:

You must reconcile with your parents, your past experiences, and your family of origin to gain ease and freedom for yourself.

Our parents are imperfect. In fact, almost all parents are imperfect. They are unable to give us the love and care we need because they themselves do not have it either. Look at their upbringing and you will see how their parents treated them. This is why they will treat you in the same way now.

They imitate their parents' way of loving you. This is not love. Effective communication will allow you to understand and know each other better and create a deeper bond.

Read "Nonviolent Communication." Express your true feelings and needs in a nonviolent way, make specific requests of them, and listen to their feelings and needs. You may not agree with their position or approach, but your needs may be the same: you both want you to be happy.

You must accept your family of origin, your parents, and your past experiences. This does not mean you have to agree with them. It also means understanding that these things cannot be changed. Even if you do not accept them, they will remain the same. When you accept them, you will not be stuck in the past. You can let go and focus your energy on self-growth and promoting personal happiness. Reconciliation is not about forgiving them. It is about sparing yourself and making life easier and freer.

Let's be real: changing our parents is tough. They're not the ideal version of ourselves. But here's the deal: when you accept and understand why they are the way they are and let go of your ideal expectations of them, you'll feel much more relaxed and be better able to move towards independence.

As the saying goes in "A Change of Heart": There are only three things in the world – your own affairs, other people's affairs, and the affairs of heaven. People are troubled because they don't control their own affairs. They worry about other people's affairs and the affairs of heaven. Our parents' actions and thoughts are their own business. We have no control over them. They are the way they are because of their upbringing, living environment, historical background, educational experience, etc. They cannot be changed overnight. If they don't want to change, we cannot change them.

Your expectations of them are idealistic and completely different from who they really are. They want to be rich and let go, but they can't because that's not who they really are.

You must adjust your expectations of them. Let go of your ideal expectations of them. Understand that the reason they are the way they are is also because their growth experiences have caused them to feel insecure inside. They want to protect you by controlling and overprotecting you. They don't even know that this hurts you. This is their limitation, and it is part of them that needs to grow. Accept their limitations and don't have high expectations of them. When they show this pattern again, you will be more at ease. You will know that this is who they are and this is how they are. It is difficult for me to understand, to give me the love I want. But that doesn't mean they don't love me. It just means the way they love me is different from what I expect.

You must let go of your ideal expectations of them if you want to become psychologically and personally independent. You don't need their love and understanding; you can give yourself that love and understanding because you have everything inside. You can become your ideal parents.

3. You will not always be bound by your past experiences. You can break free from them by persevering in self-growth, learning to separate issues, and taking full responsibility for yourself. You will become more confident and happy as a result.

You may have felt inferior, timid, and weak in the past, but this is something you can change. As you said, most of our lives depend on our parents for survival. But now that we are adults, we can break free from the constraints of our families and the past and continue to grow. Give back to your parents their issues, their expectations, and their emotions. Those are their issues. Take on your own issues, your own emotions, your own finances, and your own growth tasks. When you take full responsibility for yourself, you will become more capable, more confident, and truly happy.

Read "Rebuilding Your Life," "Reconciliation with Life," and "The Power of Self-Care." You will transcend the constraints of your original family and live your wonderful life!

You may find the above useful as a reference. Best wishes!

Good day, From your inquiry, it is evident that you harbor a profound resentment towards your parents. You express discontent with their influence, perceiving it as a catalyst for your timidity and inferiority. Additionally, you cite their financial constraints and lack of travel opportunities as sources of frustration. It appears that you attribute all shortcomings to your parents, suggesting that they have failed to provide you with...

I would like to pose a few questions that may be perceived as unkind.

You believe they love you and should have been born in a developed area. However, how did they manage that? Do they have the ability to go anywhere they want?

China is 9.6 million square kilometers, and people are living in every region. Is it inappropriate to not be in a developed area?

You hope they have the financial resources to take you on a trip, but do they also aspire to accumulate wealth and embark on travel? Is it feasible for them to do so?

You harbor resentment toward your origins. As the adage goes, some individuals exert significant effort throughout their lives to reach a desired destination, while others are born in that location.

Our background is something we cannot change, and we cannot choose our parents either. However, our background is just our starting point, just a factory default setting.

It is a common misconception that travel will broaden one's horizons and enrich one's knowledge. In fact, human perception is not enhanced by travel.

It is about having the awareness to improve oneself. When you have a global perspective, you will not limit yourself to a narrow view.

If you are eager to learn, you can pursue a broader perspective. There is no obligation to achieve a specific outcome: you should be financially successful, you should travel, you should become a better person.

The level of control exerted by parents can lead to feelings of inferiority and timidity. It is important to recognise that every family of origin faces different challenges. It is also essential to acknowledge that parents, like any other individuals, have their own limitations, personalities and imprints from their family of origin. They are not perfect, and they cannot be expected to be.

It is important to understand that the issues we face have their roots in various factors, which enables us to gain a deeper insight into ourselves.

It is important to recognize that families and parents are unchangeable, and that this is something we must accept.

However, it is possible to change oneself and live one's own life. It is also possible to change cowardice and low self-esteem.

Upon establishing independence, individuals have the opportunity to reconstruct their lives. They can become autonomous from their family of origin, both in terms of their personal and professional lives.

It is important to note that holding a grudge against or blaming one's parents for one's problems will not make one a better person. While one's family of origin can have an influence on an individual, it does not determine one's life.

It is our responsibility to take control of our own lives.

It is, of course, your prerogative to choose not to forgive them. However, it should be noted that reconciliation with your parents does not necessarily imply forgiveness. Rather, it signifies acceptance of the fact that everything exists.

Acceptance is the only way to address the issues within oneself and become a better person, leading to a better life.

From my perspective, I can discern the anger and resentment that the original poster is suppressing behind the screen. It is understandable that the original poster is reluctant to reconcile with her parents. There are numerous emotions that are impeding the original poster's ability to reconcile, and even if the original poster desires to reconcile with these emotions, they are unlikely to "agree." The decision to reconcile with her parents in her original family is a personal choice that the original poster must consider and evaluate.

Nevertheless, it must be stated that if the questioner aspires to a more fulfilling existence, it is imperative that they reconcile with themselves. Perpetually harboring resentment, anger, and hatred will not facilitate an enhanced quality of life. As the questioner articulated, they contend with a distorted perception of the world, constraints, a lack of financial resources, and a dearth of affection, while simultaneously enduring pathological control. It is evident that none of these circumstances align with the questioner's aspirations.

The questioner may therefore consider their preferences: do they wish to persist in their hatred of their parents, or do they desire a life of dignity, ease, and certainty?

Although it is relatively simple to suggest that one should reconcile with oneself, it is considerably more challenging to do so in practice, particularly for the original poster, who is currently facing significant difficulties. Reconciliation can be defined as the act of accepting and recognising both one's present and past selves, without engaging in conflict with either.

Regardless of the challenges currently faced and the vulnerabilities of the past, it is essential to accept and embrace oneself. Some may argue that this is a straightforward process of self-acceptance, but it is, in fact, a complex and nuanced endeavor.

While it is relatively simple to articulate this concept, it is far more complex to fully embrace one's authentic self. This entails not only acknowledging past grievances and injuries but also accepting the efforts made to protect oneself during challenging periods and embracing the full spectrum of thoughts and emotions experienced at that time. It is important to note that these are merely my personal observations and that the decision to reconcile with oneself ultimately rests with the individual in question. I present these insights as a reference point, and whether or not to utilize them is at the discretion of the reader.

Hello, question owner.

Your parents' excessive control over you in your early years has led to the suppression of many grievances.

Once you became an adult and started a family, your anger was reignited.

You're angry, right?

I don't know what your early childhood experiences were like, but I do know that you evaluate yourself in a way that is not accurate.

You seem to be worried about low self-esteem, low self-awareness, and even less clarity about how your parents have ruined your life.

I understand that a large part of what you said was just venting, a declaration of independence and growth.

A declaration to push away the original family and live out your own self!

First, we're going to do a little bit of a violent analysis based on the content of your post and try to understand it to see if it can help you.

I'm going to say something that might hurt you a little.

You will never forgive your family of origin. This is a conscious rejection of your family of origin.

The subconscious mind maintains an emotional link with one's parents at all times. This is because love and hate are inextricably linked in family relationships.

Hatred can push parents away and maintain your independence, while love is a kind of fusion.

Your deep hatred shows how linked you are to your parents and how you're pushing them away.

Second, your tone and intonation clearly convey resentment. This is likely the result of harsh education and reprimands from your parents during your early years.

Your parents' harsh education and reprimands have suppressed your self severely, leaving you with no sense of self in your early years.

You feel inferior and worthless because you've lived in accordance with your parents.

Third, you should affirm your spiritual awakening. This made you realize that you need to break free from your parents' restrictions and control.

You can be better at being yourself, and that's why hatred arises and the sense of independence awakens. Congratulations!

Let me be clear: if you believe that hatred makes you more comfortable and freer in life,

You can continue to hold on to this hatred, but you need to be more vigilant about this:

If maintaining this hatred activates your sense of shame, you must face your self-growth bravely.

You must accept it bravely.

I am counselor Yao, and I will support and care for you until you are ready to stand on your own.

Hello! I'm so happy to be able to answer your question. I really hope that some of my suggestions can help you.

We can't choose our family of origin, and everyone has their own challenges. Even the happiest families have their share of ups and downs. No child can escape the love of their parents.

When we become adults and have that sense of independence and ability to do things on our own, we can indeed think about how to break away from our original family and arrange our own lives.

It's so important to take care of ourselves! Our physical and mental health is our most valuable asset.

Some events or uncomfortable relationships we have with other people can really affect us emotionally. Maybe when we were young, we didn't know how to deal with them, but as we grow up, it's so important to learn to be self-aware and to seek help from a professional counselor when we need it. That way, we can become healthier both physically and mentally.

Secondly, there's our objective reality to think about.

When we want to be independent, it's really important to think about our finances and even our career goals. We need to make a plan that will help us to be independent without worrying about things like clothes, food, housing and transport.

Finally, even though we've left our original family, we still have to stick to some basic legal and moral principles. It's true that we can choose not to forgive our parents, but that doesn't mean we don't have the right to support them. Of course, I'm not forcing those abandoned children to fulfill this responsibility (that would be moral kidnapping).

Instead, we just need to make sure we avoid pain while not negatively affecting our future.

I really hope that through some self-reflection, you can find a better direction in life. And I really, really hope that no matter how you live, you can be happy.

I love you, world! And I love you too, my dear friend!