Some of my husband's views have made me feel uncertain about our marriage, and it's hard.

Dear question asker,

From what you have told me, your husband's remarks made you feel very angry and caused you to doubt your marriage. After understanding his thoughts, you now feel unable to accept him and don't want to spend time with him. I can understand your feelings.

First of all, I wonder if your husband's comments were simply the result of a moment of anger, or if there might be another explanation.

It's understandable that you're upset about this. However, dwelling on these views may not be productive. It might be helpful to reflect on the context that led to him saying such things.

Secondly, it seems that your husband was trying to say that the help you received from his parents in paying for the house and your parents in taking care of the children was on par. When you voice your concerns about his parents, does it make him feel that you shouldn't complain?

He feels that since he doesn't complain about your parents not paying for things, you shouldn't complain about his parents not babysitting. So, it seems like his point is that you shouldn't complain.

Perhaps it would be helpful to take a moment to reflect on this.

Perhaps it would be helpful to reflect on the situation when you first got married.

I can understand how these comments might have hurt your feelings, but perhaps it's also important to consider whether they're consistent with your husband's other comments. It's natural to feel hurt when we're angry, but it's also important to think about how we respond in these situations.

In any case, it would be beneficial to communicate with your husband. You could express how hurt you are by these words, your parents' contributions, and clarify the facts without getting emotional.

I hope the above message is helpful to you in some way. Best regards!

Dear Sir/Madam, After reading your description, I was initially shocked and then became angry. There may be more than just this aspect of the problem in your marriage. Kind regards,

It is likely that there have been numerous coincidences between the time you met and the present day.

I am unable to provide you with the appropriate counsel or guidance on how to proceed. Ultimately, the decision rests with you. However, there are certain considerations you should be aware of:

1. In any marriage, there is a fundamental limit to what can be accepted. Regardless of the circumstances, each individual will have their own threshold, which cannot be exceeded without serious consequences.

This is a matter of self-preservation.

For example, if your survival, your livelihood, and the minimum respect and equality are at stake.

2. Prioritize action.

Verbal expressions are subject to a certain degree of subjectivity. Emotional expressions also require a degree of embellishment, but there is another aspect that is even more important: the manner in which it is done.

While the manner of expression is important, the manner of execution is of greater consequence.

If you are in a marriage and can satisfy your own needs for love, companionship, and risk resistance, you will perceive an improvement in your level of happiness. If both partners contribute and demonstrate this through their actions, the marriage will be more successful.

It is possible that he is experiencing difficulties in solving the problem of child-rearing, but it is unprofessional to voice such concerns. It would be more productive to allow him to provide solutions to the problem.

If it is already impossible to meet expectations or even exceed them in actual marital management, and the deviation is too great, it may be time to consider your bottom line.

3. Gain an understanding of the other person's situation.

It is possible that what someone says or does may not be an expression of their true feelings, but rather a result of other factors, such as emotions or stress.

Nevertheless, there is a strong possibility that the truth will be revealed at this time. It is important to accept the reality of the situation, even if it is harsh.

Best regards,

Hello. I can see that you're confused about marriage and dissatisfied with your husband.

I can see how your problems arose. You had no one to help you with your children during the National Day holiday, which probably left you with no free time to enjoy the holiday. Then a series of subsequent problems arose as a result of your complaints.

First of all, when both husband and wife complain, they say many angry words. They may even say things they don't really mean. When people are angry, they often lose their heads, become confused, and say many words of fault.

Many problems in life arise because we don't know how to express our needs properly. For example, if you complain that your husband's family won't help you with the children, your husband will hear that you have a problem with his family and will undoubtedly defend his family.

I don't know what you said, but I'm going to tell you what I think. There's no right or wrong here. What I think is that you didn't use the right communication language when you were expressing yourself.

For example, you can say, "I'm tired of taking care of the kids all the time. I want someone to help me with them during the National Day holiday so I can enjoy the holiday too."

You should not judge others (his family) with your personal opinions when communicating with your husband. Simply express your feelings. If your husband hears this advice, he will understand your situation and sympathize with your hardships. You will then be able to discuss solutions instead of arguing and complaining.

I highly recommend the book Nonviolent Communication. It teaches you how to communicate correctly to reduce problems in life.

You feel stuck in your marriage. I understand. Couples need to learn how to manage their lives together.

Two different people coming together will inevitably have differences in thinking. This also involves the differences in thinking between men and women, and they will handle things differently. There will definitely be friction when two people live together, and they need to keep working at it.

Read this book to understand the differences in the thinking of men and women and to better handle the conflicts in marriage. It's called "Men Are from Mars, Women Are from Venus."

You and your husband came together to form a family because of love. As long as you both still love each other and want to change, you can change.

Running a marriage also requires learning—and you can do it.

I am confident that my answer will help you, and I am certain that your marriage will move in a positive direction. I also expect that your family life will become happier and happier.

Good day. I believe that some of the statements made by your husband were made in anger, and you should not take them personally. However, some of them also contained elements of complaint, which ultimately stems from the issue of unfairness in the marriage. When we argue with our family members, we often only see the side of ourselves that has been wronged and ignore the other person's feelings. In the process, it is easy to unintentionally say hurtful things, which exacerbates the conflict.

I am unaware of your financial status prior to marriage, but I would like to ascertain whether your contribution to the household is now almost equal. By 'equality', I am referring to both the financial aspect and the labour contribution to the household, and I would like this to be a comprehensive measure.

If there is an imbalance, it is inevitable that one party will perceive it as unfair. Even if both parties are in agreement, the seeds of future complaints will inevitably be sown, creating a potential source of conflict.

It is important to recognize that contributions that are not visible to both parties are not beneficial to the family. It is essential to communicate with your husband about the contributions you have made to the family, including your mother's role in raising children at the age of 72. While financial contributions are important, it is also crucial to acknowledge other forms of contribution. Neglecting to address marital inequality can lead to future conflicts.

Regarding the most challenging aspect, it is the emotional distress caused by the hurtful words uttered by your husband. Given your long-standing relationship with your family, this is a common occurrence. In our region, it is commonly referred to as "confusion during family arguments." Regardless of his educational or professional background, individuals with strong emotions are prone to expressing anger. These angry words are merely a form of emotional release and do not necessarily reflect his true feelings towards you.

In your narrative, you indicate that you believe your husband should be responsible for the financial obligations associated with the marriage, as you view this as a typical expectation for a man. However, this assertion may be perceived as unfair by your husband. He may perceive your statement as undermining his contributions to the marriage and family, leading to feelings of inequity. In the context of an argument, he may have lacked the ability to articulate a reasonable response at that moment, but he could not tolerate the situation, resulting in the remark, "I would not marry someone like you."

It is evident that the remark was made in anger, as the man was momentarily speechless but intent on expressing his frustration. When in a rational state, I believe your husband will also recognize the absurdity and excessiveness of his remarks and experience a sense of guilt.

It is important to note that angry words are often very hurtful. However, when we engage in arguments and quarrels, we often fail to recognize this. We tend to focus on our own grievances, which can lead to a narrow perspective.

In conclusion, this is a common marital dispute. I have observed numerous similar cases. The key to resolving such issues is recognizing the equality of both parties in the marriage. When both parties recognize their contributions to the family as being equal, there is often a significant reduction in complaints. Effective communication is essential to achieve this. It is important to clearly communicate the contributions you have made and to communicate in a non-violent manner, avoiding any implicit aggression.

Hello, host!

I'm excited to help you and get your feedback! Let me fly!

The host expressed some of her husband's views, which made you feel uncertain about your marriage. Well, I'm sure that this feeling must be very difficult for you. Well, here, I want to give the host a big hug first!

I'm not sure who invited me to answer this question, but I'm happy to share some thoughts for the host's reference!

The host said that she complained to her husband about her family not helping with childcare. I think what the hostess really wants to say is that she finds childcare more difficult, but her husband thinks you are blaming his parents. From this point on, the content of your arguments has actually deviated.

Adlerian psychology has a great approach to this. The most important thing is to separate issues. Whoever is responsible for an issue should take charge of it. When it comes to raising children, your issue is yours, and it's great whether your in-laws help or not!

Second, let's dive into your feelings. You feel that your husband's views are unacceptable and even affect the direction of your marriage. Well, in fact, according to the ABC theory of emotions, this husband's views are not actually the source of your feelings, but rather the beliefs we have assigned to these actions of your husband. I guess your belief is this: When your husband says this, he is actually not recognizing me, and your value has been hit.

Third, let's dive into the fascinating topic of communication! It's incredible how men and women often focus on different aspects of the same issue. Just like the poster's example, if a woman wants to express that it's challenging to take care of the children and hopes her husband can understand her, but her husband doesn't focus on her hardship and only interprets it as an accusation, it's a great opportunity to learn more about each other's perspectives. I'm excited to recommend a book called "Nonviolent Communication." It's a game-changer! The book outlines four principles: observation, feelings, needs, and requests.

If you're facing the same issue, why not try rephrasing it? It could be a great way to improve communication! For instance, you could say something like, "Honey, I've been taking care of the kids these past few days, and I've had to get up in the middle of the night three days in a row. (Observation) This has affected my sleep, and I'm not feeling well the next morning. I feel tired, (feeling), I want to rest well, so I can work well (need), do you think you could ask your mom to help with the kids for a while?"

(Request). This is a great way to let your husband know what you need. If he cares about his parents, he might be happy to say, "I'll take a look more often at night," or "Find a babysitter." It's always better to solve problems together than to point fingers!

Fourth, how to view marriage: I believe it should not be about what he says, but about what he does. We often see couples who argue fiercely, but it's all for the sake of each other, not for themselves. So in the end they will cry together, and their feelings will become even deeper. It's just like when we grow up and recall being beaten by our parents as a child, it was all for my sake.

So the question the original poster should consider is how strong the foundation of your relationship is, and whether your partner cares about you in your daily life. And don't focus on what he said!

I really hope this helps the original poster! I'd love to hear what they think and get some feedback, attention, and likes!